Tiff of Doom

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About me

Gender Female
Occupation very minor god
Location Louisiana, United States
Introduction I'm 31 years old, and still waiting to grow up. I keep thinking one day I'll wake up, be sensible, and possibly crave Fiber One. Hasn't kicked in yet, I guess. I married the boy next door. Or, rather, the boy a couple miles away with the better family, better school, and all the good toys, who first spent years, giving me noogies and farting on me. It's less romantic, though, when you put it that way. We have three children - a 7 year old daughter, 5 year old son, and 4 year old daughter. They frighten me daily. Especially as they now outnumber us. I piss people off, ALL THE TIME. You should know that. In fact, if you're reading this, you're probably pissed off, right now. Possibly it's because I have Asperger's Syndrome. Possibly, I'm just an asshole. Most likely, though, it's because you're an asshole. I'm actually very nice, aside from all the Obliviousness. People who know me, tend to rave over me. If you seriously can't stand me, then there's probably something very wrong with you. Get that checked.
Interests Testing my mortality, reading, writing, occasionally just banging my head against the wall, nerdy sciency things, Psychology, Legos, Sociology, Shrooms, Music Music Music, Truly Bad Movies, Anything Horror, Quantum Theory, Anthropology, WWE Wrestling, Computers and Technology, Cryptozoology, Paleontology, Astronomy, Things That Are Shiny, Astrobiology, insomnia, being a smartass, annoying the boring, frightening strangers, general mockery, anything horror, truly bad movies, quantum theory, being fabulous, screaming at God, unsettling my ex husband, musicmusicmusic, sociology, playing with my kids' toys, not being eaten by clowns, apologizing to God, inspiring both fear AND loathing, moral quandaries, earth-shaking love, not catching myself on fire, psychology, anything that makes me giggle like a loon.
Favorite Movies Evil Dead I and II, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Hook, Conan the Barbarian, The Stand, Pirates of the Caribbean(s), Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Princess Bride, The Dark Crystal (haven't seen the damn thing in YEARS and still get all screamy when it's mentioned), Finding Neverland, City of Angels, Cabin Fever, TCM (2003), The Nightmare Before Christmas, Braveheart, The Neverending Story, The Devil's Advocate, The Fox and the Hound, The Lost Boys, The Dark Knight, Iron Man, What Dreams May Come, Heathers, Jawbreaker, Return to Neverland, The Wizard of Oz, The Last Unicorn, Legend, Superman Returns, The Lion King, Crybaby, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Something Wicked This Way Comes --- the schizophrenic combinations just go on and on.
Favorite Music It would be a joke to even try and list it all. Just about everything from Mozart to Metallica. I've never fallen out of love with country music and the right jazz can make me stop breathing. And the only thing better than hard rock is a killer hard rock ballad (yes I said it and no I ain't ashamed). I even like and respect pop. Music is everything, and I don't really discriminate. On the negative side, though - I hate most rap and if a band might be popular at your local Hot Topic I probably despise it.
Favorite Books Everything Stephen King has ever written especially the Dark Tower series, C.S. Lewis's "The Chronicles of Narnia" for a better explanation of God, The Bible for it's quantum theory history and mystery as much as its spiritual guidance, Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" as a user's manual for Humans, Almost any non-fiction/textbooks for general Knowledge of Everything, "The World's Best Fairy Tales" - 1967 Reader's Digest edition for its reinforcement of moral standards.

If you were a pirate, how would you avoid laughing when saying 'poop deck'?

Why in the world would anyone NOT laugh, when saying "poop deck?" I mean, that IS the whole purpose of the term, right? An excuse to say "poop?"