H-Tang
| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Industry | Arts |
| Occupation | Shark Wrangler |
| Location | La-La-Land, California, United States |
| Introduction | I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling buildings and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel bus stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I can pilot a tricycle up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I can cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in Tang Dynasty pottery, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Morocco. I'm excellent at parallel parking and open bars. Using only a hoe and a glass of water, I single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made four-course meals using only SPAM and Ramen noodles. If you don't believe me ask Brady. I breed prize winning Tulips. I have won underground cockfights in Vietnam, cliff-diving competitions in Cozumel, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have performed open wound surgery involving wood fiber and a pair of tweezers, and I know with absolute certainty who shot JFK. On a final note, I must say that this would not have been possible without you Cutty Sark. Oh, and television commercials are poo. |
| Interests | "Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days." Others include, and are not limited to, Grilled cheese sandwiches. Happy Hours and Wedding receptions. Traveling to exotic locations and collecting exotic beer in my tummy along with other alcoholic beverages. Making out for extended periods of time, road trips, finding new bars, women from former Soviet Republics and finally parallel parking. |
| Favorite movies | "Sweep the leg.", Hmmm...where do I start? I must start out by saying that Steven Spielberg is a genius. All of M. Night Shyamalan's films with the exception of Unbreakable, which was poo. As it is, there are just too many to list. |
| Favorite music | Yes please.... I can eat music, except New Age and Icelandic Death Metal. That stuff is the McDonald's of music. Subsequently, it is easy to digest, but leaves you feeling slightly ill and exceedingly guilty afterwards. |
| Favorite books | Chuck Palahniuk, Irvine Welsh, Bret Easton Ellis, Margot Tenenbaum, The Giving Tree, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Little Prince, Highlights, and the old standby, The Catcher in the Rye. Vice Magazine for the "DO's and DONT's". Anything between the bouts of, traveling, napping, BBQs, and Happy Hour. Also Wikipedia is the shit, do yourself the favor and hit the site up and just read, there's also pictures for those of us who need visual stimuli. |