I have been plagued by this issue all my life with friends, and I'm 49 years old. I recently moved to a new location and didn't know anyone. As I make new friends I have made this my personal rule. I find I was a culprit too in the "man talk". Now I focus on talking about things that interest me, outside of my relationship, and it helps the other person do the same.
I think it is a really good idea to not dish about men with friends, especially since I find that most women want to unload their relationship problems...they don't want advice. I am the type of person who mistakenly used to think that if a girlfriend shared information about her significant other, she was asking for advice or my two cents. I learned the hard way that this is rarely (if ever) the case. I get bored pretty easily when the same talking points are brought up, such as: Are you in a relationship? Why aren't you in a relationship? Don't you want to get married and have kids? Blah, blah, blah...I would rather talk about other topics that aren't so gossipy. I hope things do change, but it will take time. We are creatures of habit, after all!
Zanade loves being single so all the romamce talk is okay but what I have noticed is that many women sit and ponder on this topic and seriously I feel there are way too many things to conquer in this world besides that!
What ever happen to goals regarding success and owning your own accomplishments? When will woman start to become more independent rather than spending hours talking about love and relationships?
Sincerely an exhausted DIVA!
Zanade Mann
January 16, 2009 at 12:01 PM
Like most other 20something women, I love spending time with my friends. We get to let our hair down, relax, and enjoy each other's company. It's rare that a large group of us has time to get together all at once, so when we do it's a great treat.
There are some downsides, of course, such as clashing personalities or small gripes that come up. But one of my biggest annoyances is how much time we spend talking about men. We are all intelligent, mature, successful women and it confuses me that we have to spend so much time talking about men. It's not that I think there's never a time to talk about relationships, I just get tired of it being the #1 thing we bring up when we get together.
So when we were preparing for a weekend away together, I announced our new rule well in advance: there could be no talk of relationships. We could talk about work, friends, family, random thoughts, etc. but could not directly talk about relationships, marriage or the recently-popular "so who's the next to have kids?"
Now that our weekend is over, I'm happy that it was (mostly) a success. There were still times where the blurry line into "relationship talk" was crossed, but for the most part, everyone stuck to the rule. I think the time was better for it because we got to know each other better in a way that had nothing to do with whatever drama is going on with the men in our lives.
What about your circle of friends? Do you think you spend too much time talking about romantic relationships? If so, does it bother you? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
"A Man-Free Weekend"
4 Comments -
I have been plagued by this issue all my life with friends, and I'm 49 years old. I recently moved to a new location and didn't know anyone. As I make new friends I have made this my personal rule. I find I was a culprit too in the "man talk". Now I focus on talking about things that interest me, outside of my relationship, and it helps the other person do the same.
January 13, 2009 at 8:24 PM
I don't know whether to be happy that I'm not alone in feeling this way, or to be bummed that this might continue for years to come!
It's true that just avoiding it yourself is helpful, so perhaps I'll make it a personal rule moving forward too.
January 15, 2009 at 12:14 PM
I think it is a really good idea to not dish about men with friends, especially since I find that most women want to unload their relationship problems...they don't want advice. I am the type of person who mistakenly used to think that if a girlfriend shared information about her significant other, she was asking for advice or my two cents. I learned the hard way that this is rarely (if ever) the case. I get bored pretty easily when the same talking points are brought up, such as: Are you in a relationship? Why aren't you in a relationship? Don't you want to get married and have kids? Blah, blah, blah...I would rather talk about other topics that aren't so gossipy. I hope things do change, but it will take time. We are creatures of habit, after all!
January 15, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Zanade loves being single so all the romamce talk is okay but what I have noticed is that many women sit and ponder on this topic and seriously I feel there are way too many things to conquer in this world besides that!
What ever happen to goals regarding success and owning your own accomplishments? When will woman start to become more independent rather than spending hours talking about love and relationships?
Sincerely an exhausted DIVA!
Zanade Mann
January 16, 2009 at 12:01 PM