I am consumed by thoughts of you. It has always been that way. I cannot say when or why you touched me in this way but you have. The time we have spent together will always be cherished and treasured. They are little gems in the fabric of my life that I will take with me into the next lifetime where I will search for you again.
This longing inside me makes me sad instead of happy only because I know that it is not me that you go home to at the end of the day. I cannot risk my heart for something I have no right to claim and what I know today is that my heart is so raw and broken. It's not your job to put it back together. That's my job and so the decision to "close the door" was made.
In my mind it makes perfect sense. "Close the door" so I can mend my broken heart while you figure out what you want to do. I don't know what you want to do. If you love her then love her and let's seal this door shut until the next lifetime. Because right now, what I want is MORE and MORE of you and I cannot have it. When I'm feeling especially low, I think about you and want to talk to you and hear your voice and feel the comfort of your words but I do not have access to you. And that fueled the logic behind "closing the door."
What I wish I could tell you is that I want us to run away and lock ourselves in our bubble and make love endlessly and fan the red hot flame between us. Let the world around us fade away until there is just you and me. Yet I know this can never be and we will have to be content to meet in our dreams. But today and always I send you love vibrations so sincere and so intense that it could light the world. Remember me.
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Monday, January 04, 2021 12:54:00 AM