At the end of July 2011, I got laid off from work.  I did not see it coming although I certainly knew we didn't have enough work to sustain all of the lawyers that the firm had employed.  I was surprised, hurt, and a whole range of other emotions (including angry).  The firm offered me a generous severance that would allow me to look for a job while continuing to collect my full salary.  Thank God.  My initial plan was to keep working at the firm while I searched, but it soon became apparent that being in my office was (at the time) far too toxic for me.  I cleaned up my cases, reassigned everything, packed up and left.
Much of the fall was a very difficult time for me fraught with all sorts of questions for myself, my firm and, most significantly, God.  I worried about my family, my children and our financial well-being.  I wrestled with bitterness and anger.  I frantically searched for a job -- any job -- so I could put a band aid on my fear.  Some of the jobs appeared to be great, and I even applied for a job with IJM in Uganda.  I was so certain it was time for us to GO that I started mentally preparing to live overseas.  It just seemed "right."  It seemed like God.
Instead, IJM would not call (for nearly five months) and other jobs weren't the right fit for one reason or another.  By January, I was closing in on full panic mode.  The stress was palpable.  My severance would run out at the end of February and I was afraid.  Really afraid.  But in January I also took time to refocus on God's goodness, work on forgiveness, put God FIRST and trust that He has a plan for my family.  I mean really trust.  My mantra became, "When I am afraid, I PUT my truth in You."  Psalm 56:3.  I worked on "putting" (as I called it) every single day.  During this time, I was continuing in the process for a job at RR Donnelley; I was on-and-off interested in the job.  But I plowed forward.
By the first of February, no closer to a job, I contacted a law firm that I love to see if they had space for me.  Not only were they interested in taking me as a partner, but they were open to part-time.  They have a booming white collar practice and lots of investigations.  I was thrilled and (again) convinced that God had answered my pleas.  At the same time, my current firm extended my severance through March (blessing).  In the middle of February, I was set to have a meeting with RR Donnelley's Senior VP and I sensed that an offer was coming.  Because I had turned my attention to the part-time gig at another law firm, I called the firm and begged them to make me an offer before this meeting.  They simply couldn't get it done on the short time frame I offered, so I went, begrudgingly, to the RRD meeting.
As I prayed in advance of my meeting, I told God that I didn't know what to do and that I needed wisdom.  I was sure it was the firm for me and I wanted to be gracious in my conversations.  Little did I know....
Lunch started off pleasant enough and we spent most of our time discussing our children -- our special needs children.  I had no idea that this man and his wife had been facing some of the same issues I face with Seth.  And I felt so comfortable (and affirmed) that I shared Leah's status as well.  We talked and shared about family life for two hours.  It was awesome.  By the time of dessert, the Veep said to me, "Look, you are by far our first choice but we can tell you are hesitating, so what gives."  I took a deep breath, prayed, and went for it.  In an effort to explain that the job was not a good fit for me, I told him about the firm and part-time and how my work impacts my kids and my need to make more money than they were offering and, and, and.  I was not trying to negotiate.  I was trying to say, "NO."
The Veep didn't miss a beat.  He told me that until a year ago, he had been part-time.  He told me that the company paid his full time medical benefits even though he was part-time.  He told me that I could work from home a day a week and get my family business done.  He upp'd my salary -- significantly.  He reaffirmed how much they thought I'd be a great fit at RR Donnelley and he told me to think about it for a couple of days.  I was stunned.  On my word!
I didn't have to think long.  Being "in house" (which means working for a company rather than a law firm) is infinitely better than a law firm.  You don't have to bill hours; you don't have to work endless hours; you manage the outside lawyers instead of being the outside lawyers; and everyone resoundly agrees that your family life is MUCH better.
So, much to my utter surprise, I called the firm and told them I was out.  The following week I met with the General Counsel of RRD who is a fantastic woman.  We clicked immediately and I am so excited to work with her.  Next I met another lawyer who has special needs kiddos and works at RRD.  (This is like the fourth lawyer there who does.... God???)  After our meeting, the Veep came to see me and announced that the General Counsel had upp'd my salary AGAIN and increased my bonus potential.  God???  Is that YOU????
I accepted on the spot and I start on April 2 as the Vice President, Associate General Counsel, of International Litigation and Compliance.  Amen!
But I am fickle.  I know that a month, a year, or a decade from now, I will forget God's faithfulness to me in this situation because life is hard.  And another blip will come.  Maybe soon.  I write this to remind myself and my children that God shows up, even at the last minute.  He has our BEST in mind if we wait on Him and trust Him to pull us through.
I haven't started work yet and maybe I will hate it (although I seriously doubt it).  If that happens, my resolve that I am right where God wants me will.not.change.  I believe it with all of my heart.  The lifestyle position; the families with "difficult" children; the personal connections with lawyers; the "no more billing"; the opportunity to intersect with business; the day a week at home.... the list goes on. 

Thank you, JESUS for answering my prayers, my pleas, my begging and giving me more than I could ever ask.  Help me to remember always that YOU ARE FAITHFUL.Faithful, forever You are faithful.[Image]