Wow! Interesting how they completed the Home Study & all necessary "hoops" to prove they will be good parents ... my heart breaks for those children. For some reason, Americans have such a sense of entitlement ... sad. Love you Deb & your heart!
Wow. Wow. Wow. So disappointing. I think I would have had a hard time not saying something to them. And people wonder why Americans get a bad wrap among people from other countries...A few people like that ruin it for all of us.
Deb, We had a similar experience last year. I was embarrassed and appalled at the things being uttered. We were sitting inside and if I hadn't gotten up and gone outside I would have stuffed a dirty sock in a couple of mouths.
Wow! That is pretty low! How on earth are these people adopting? I must admit, if you had to be stuck anywhere while waiting out appointments, etc, Uganda would be my first choice destination! How can you not LOVE it? Especially when like you said, its your child's birth place???
I remember last fall being in the embassy and overhearing similar conversations. I sat there quietly with my daughter sitting in my lap and I was appalled! They were talking about how dirty the country is and the people who lived there... went on and on how they were needed at home and they had already been in country 14 days, and they would pay who ever they could to speed up their process! I had no words to say as I was so caught completely off guard. Thank you Deb for your openness and honesty, and I hope that those people see the post and realized how they are being perceived!!!
sad, just sad. thanks for sharing and i'm sure even more your kiddos are so thankful to have such a loving and great momma -- who has some awesome kiddos ;)
I'm sorry, but this post just smacks of arrogance to me. And maybe more than that - it just seems like a completely inappropriate thing to blog about...especially while you are still IN COUNTRY. And to be SO specific about the exact date they were at the embassy with exact demographics about their adoptive kids - you might as well just post a picture with their names! There are only so many people there at a time, and the UG adoption world is still faily small.
I just wonder who benefits from a post like this, where you are completely ripping apart other adoptive families. Even going so far as to say they should not adopt. Woah! Are you trying to convey a message to Embassy officials? To those specific families? To all the other adoptive families who have it all together?
It just seems like if you were really so concerned with their behavior, maybe you should have talked with the families directly. Or maybe have a discussion in one of the forums that many UG adoptive families are. You know, just anything that isn't available for absolutely everyone to read.
It surprises me that I've seen this posted virally many times already. It seems that those posting it all pretty much camp out in the, "we do everything right and everyone else needs to get their act together" camp.
Just remember, we all have moments we wouldn't like displayed to the world. For some, the time in country is very challenging. For some, those early months with their children are also extremely challenging. It doesn't mean that it's time to sweep down in judgement in them so harshly.
To say that they should adopt from the US is highly inaccurate. It doesn't sound like they should adopt at all. The attitudes and judgements that they were portraying would simply be directed at someone or something else if they adopted from "their own country".
In all seriousness Deb I see this kind of thing frequently. As you know I am fully supportive of you and over the last 2 1/2 years I have become friends (good friends) with adoptive parents who are the most wonderful people you could meet and I am proud to be associated with them and call them friends. But there are some families, even after spending a little time with them I am wondering why they are adopting and if they even like the children they are adopting! Seriously I have seen some families who treat their adoptive children like some kind of commodity and their interaction with them is just appalling. But let's not let the bad eggs spoil it for the rest of y'all. Incidentally hitting a child is against the law in Uganda and if certain child protection officers had been aware of that they would have been in trouble.
Hi Jaye.... in case you check back.... I hear what you're saying and I removed some of the details that were concerning to you.
I will say this: If folks are concerned about their behavior abroad, I don't think they would demonstrate it in front of dozens of local people and the Embassy video cameras (which were visible).
I absolutely did not write this for the Embassy. (Note that most of the time, I have less than 3 visitors to my blog... A MONTH. I didn't expect anyone important to read it, believe it or not.
I wrote it because I believe we Americans (me included) have a serious problem with believing that it's our way or no way. And that our way is best when, sometimes, it just isn't. I wrote it bc I do think we need to be sensitized to other cultures so that we are not those offensive Americans.
As for the arrogant comment, that did hurt. I don't really see that as a struggle of mine but bc I am very open to growth, I did consult with some of my friends about it and took it to the Lord. So thanks for pointing out a possible weakness of mine.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm sorry the arrogant comment hurt you. Its clear to me from your response, and your willingness to to consider a comment from a complete stranger, that you are NOT arrogant. Please forgive me for hurting you.
Also, I AGREE with you that the behavior was crazy and inappropriate.
Like I said, I was just uncomfortable that the people were clearly identified, and that the Embassy officials could easily put the pieces together if they read this blog. While we were in country, someone was specifically questioned about things written in a blog - and it was kind of a reality check for me.
But again, I'm impressed that you were willing to take out that information, even when my comments weren't gentle. And I'm sorry they weren't more gentle.
I just found your blog. I have seen this behavior and it sickens me. I have seen this behavior in Haiti and it horrifies me. I understand you may be stressed and homesick but that is no excuse to be ugly about the place and culture you are in. I personally love spending time abroad. I believe so many Americans are so convinced that our way is better. They refuse to look at there surroundings and appreciate them. And I truly believe these people have no business adopting internationally. The culture is part of our children. If we can't respect that part of our children we should not be raising them.
December 19, 2012 1:00 PM
Our trip to Uganda has been beautiful and blessed.
I love it here.
My children are comfortable here.
Two of my children share this country as their home.
Uganda is forever *and happily* a part of our family.
Having now completed two adoptions here, I know that the time in country can be hard.
I am intimately aware of the feeling that you want to get out and take your new baby home.
I've lived it.
Twice.
But the ugly American thing is something I simply do not understand.
Recently, while wesat at the U.S. Embassy, I felt completely and utterly embarrassed to be an American.
While Zechariah and I waited to see if we could get an appointment, two other families from the States sat off to the side, loudly talking about their displeasure with just about everything in this country.
The children were clearly tired of waiting.
{I get this}
So while the three adults whined and complained loudly about drivers and how expensive everything here is and how much they want (need) to go home, their children amused themselves.
Two small ones crawled around the concrete, putting a variety of "no-nos" into their mouths with nary a glance from their new parents.
The older children busied themselves with sticks, stones, and grass.
None of the three adults seemed particularly interested in the children. In fact, the bulk of the interaction amongst the adults and children was for discipline. The littles were in trouble if they climbed anything. (Why were they allowed to be alone in an unsafe area in the first place????) The bigs were screamed at if they did anything the parents didn't like. So much so that at one point, one child did not throw away a piece of paper fast enough and the mother got up, stormed over to her, SPANKED HER IN PUBLIC and returned to her seat.
Are you kidding me???
And it didn't get better from there. The adults continued to whine and complain about how awful hard their lives are here. Have I mentioned that the courtyard where we all sat was FULL of Ugandans? And English is their national language? Oy....
I could go on with all of the things I heard them say that would make your skin crawl -- like "If they're going to have an orphanage and allow kids to be adopted, they should at least provide us with a driver" -- but I won't. Suffice it to say that it was embarrassing and I walked away with these thoughts:
If you do not like Uganda, do not adopt from here.
Your children WILL want to return.
If you do not have a heart for children who you did not birth, please do not adopt.
I've never seen such poor attachment amongst newly anointed parents and their children as I saw today. If your heart is not open, don't go there.
If you are not prepared to stay in Uganda -- and be happy about it -- for as long as it takes to get your child home, find another country to adopt from. May I suggest your own country where the culture of your child may be more like yours???
If you cannot exhibit just a little bit of class in a culture that is VERY different from your own, don't travel there. That's pretty simple, right?
And above all, if you don't have the respect for your children's birth country and culture that is required to raise that little person to be proud of who s/he is, you need to move on. International adoption is not for you. Stay yourself in the US and please, for the love of all decency, shut your flapper.
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17 Comments
Close this window Jump to comment formoh golly. no words. people amaze me.
November 28, 2012 1:21 PM
I had a similar experience in Haiti. I don't get it.
November 28, 2012 1:24 PM
Wow! Interesting how they completed the Home Study & all necessary "hoops" to prove they will be good parents ... my heart breaks for those children. For some reason, Americans have such a sense of entitlement ... sad. Love you Deb & your heart!
November 28, 2012 1:38 PM
Wow. Wow. Wow. So disappointing. I think I would have had a hard time not saying something to them. And people wonder why Americans get a bad wrap among people from other countries...A few people like that ruin it for all of us.
November 28, 2012 3:55 PM
Deb, We had a similar experience last year. I was embarrassed and appalled at the things being uttered. We were sitting inside and if I hadn't gotten up and gone outside I would have stuffed a dirty sock in a couple of mouths.
November 28, 2012 4:24 PM
Wow! That is pretty low!
How on earth are these people adopting?
I must admit, if you had to be stuck anywhere while waiting out appointments, etc, Uganda would be my first choice destination! How can you not LOVE it? Especially when like you said, its your child's birth place???
November 28, 2012 4:43 PM
I remember last fall being in the embassy and overhearing similar conversations. I sat there quietly with my daughter sitting in my lap and I was appalled! They were talking about how dirty the country is and the people who lived there... went on and on how they were needed at home and they had already been in country 14 days, and they would pay who ever they could to speed up their process! I had no words to say as I was so caught completely off guard. Thank you Deb for your openness and honesty, and I hope that those people see the post and realized how they are being perceived!!!
November 29, 2012 12:12 AM
sad, just sad. thanks for sharing and i'm sure even more your kiddos are so thankful to have such a loving and great momma -- who has some awesome kiddos ;)
November 29, 2012 12:21 AM
Exactly why I try to hide my kids behind me and flee whenever I see other adoptive American parents! There's a good reason why I'm so unfriendly :)
November 29, 2012 1:07 AM
I'm sorry, but this post just smacks of arrogance to me. And maybe
more than that - it just seems like a completely inappropriate thing
to blog about...especially while you are still IN COUNTRY. And to be
SO specific about the exact date they were at the embassy with exact
demographics about their adoptive kids - you might as well just post a
picture with their names! There are only so many people there at a
time, and the UG adoption world is still faily small.
I just wonder who benefits from a post like this, where you are
completely ripping apart other adoptive families. Even going so far as
to say they should not adopt. Woah! Are you trying to convey a
message to Embassy officials? To those specific families? To all the
other adoptive families who have it all together?
It just seems like if you were really so concerned with their
behavior, maybe you should have talked with the families directly. Or
maybe have a discussion in one of the forums that many UG adoptive
families are. You know, just anything that isn't available for
absolutely everyone to read.
It surprises me that I've seen this posted virally many times already.
It seems that those posting it all pretty much camp out in the, "we do
everything right and everyone else needs to get their act together"
camp.
Just remember, we all have moments we wouldn't like displayed to the
world. For some, the time in country is very challenging. For some,
those early months with their children are also extremely challenging.
It doesn't mean that it's time to sweep down in judgement in them so
harshly.
November 29, 2012 8:20 AM
To say that they should adopt from the US is highly inaccurate. It doesn't sound like they should adopt at all. The attitudes and judgements that they were portraying would simply be directed at someone or something else if they adopted from "their own country".
November 29, 2012 8:30 AM
I bet they voted republican ;)
November 29, 2012 12:26 PM
In all seriousness Deb I see this kind of thing frequently. As you know I am fully supportive of you and over the last 2 1/2 years I have become friends (good friends) with adoptive parents who are the most wonderful people you could meet and I am proud to be associated with them and call them friends. But there are some families, even after spending a little time with them I am wondering why they are adopting and if they even like the children they are adopting! Seriously I have seen some families who treat their adoptive children like some kind of commodity and their interaction with them is just appalling. But let's not let the bad eggs spoil it for the rest of y'all. Incidentally hitting a child is against the law in Uganda and if certain child protection officers had been aware of that they would have been in trouble.
November 29, 2012 12:44 PM
Wow Deb. That is terrible. I saw a lot of that in Uganda as well. Hope you re home soon!
November 29, 2012 5:19 PM
Hi Jaye.... in case you check back.... I hear what you're saying and I removed some of the details that were concerning to you.
I will say this:
If folks are concerned about their behavior abroad, I don't think they would demonstrate it in front of dozens of local people and the Embassy video cameras (which were visible).
I absolutely did not write this for the Embassy. (Note that most of the time, I have less than 3 visitors to my blog... A MONTH. I didn't expect anyone important to read it, believe it or not.
I wrote it because I believe we Americans (me included) have a serious problem with believing that it's our way or no way. And that our way is best when, sometimes, it just isn't. I wrote it bc I do think we need to be sensitized to other cultures so that we are not those offensive Americans.
As for the arrogant comment, that did hurt. I don't really see that as a struggle of mine but bc I am very open to growth, I did consult with some of my friends about it and took it to the Lord. So thanks for pointing out a possible weakness of mine.
Hugs....
November 30, 2012 7:02 AM
Deb,
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm sorry the arrogant comment hurt you. Its clear to me from your response, and your willingness to to consider a comment from a complete stranger, that you are NOT arrogant. Please forgive me for hurting you.
Also, I AGREE with you that the behavior was crazy and inappropriate.
Like I said, I was just uncomfortable that the people were clearly identified, and that the Embassy officials could easily put the pieces together if they read this blog. While we were in country, someone was specifically questioned about things written in a blog - and it was kind of a reality check for me.
But again, I'm impressed that you were willing to take out that information, even when my comments weren't gentle. And I'm sorry they weren't more gentle.
December 03, 2012 8:17 AM
I just found your blog. I have seen this behavior and it sickens me. I have seen this behavior in Haiti and it horrifies me. I understand you may be stressed and homesick but that is no excuse to be ugly about the place and culture you are in. I personally love spending time abroad. I believe so many Americans are so convinced that our way is better. They refuse to look at there surroundings and appreciate them. And I truly believe these people have no business adopting internationally. The culture is part of our children. If we can't respect that part of our children we should not be raising them.
December 19, 2012 1:00 PM