Is it semantics? Or is it a problem? I ask myself that a lot about adoption issues, particularly when the typical strange adoption questions or statements arise: How much did he cost? (Duh!). Where is he from? (Um, Chicago, where we live). Seth is so blessed; I'm so glad you saved him! (Really?!?!). This is Deb's adopted son, Seth. (Can he just be "my son?")

You see, I struggle with semantics because I think each of these issues can be addressed in a different (and more respectful) way: Can we discuss the fees associated with adoption? (Sure. I can point you to some helpful websites). Is your son adopted? (Yes, he is). Where did you adopt from? (The good ol' U. S. of A.). You and Seth must be a real blessing to one another. (You betcha!!)

I think the worst of the above may be this idea that I saved Seth. If you read the news these days, there is some fodder about Sandra Bullock "saving" her newly adopted son. I think that African-Americans in particular cringe at this "white savior" mentality that can get foisted on a family who adopts transracially, and I understand their concerns! It's not that I don't think Seth's life is different than it otherwise may have been, or that International orphans aren't better off here with forever families rather than in an orphanage with dozens of other children. Of course those things are true. I think my objection is that saying I "saved" Seth or that Sandra saved her son is that it somehow places us above others -- particularly others of a different race. It should not. At base, I think it is a remnant of the racial strife this country has faced, and I'm very concerned about inadvertently perpetuating that stigma. God commands us to care for orphans. We abide. Does that make us special? Or "saviors"? Nope. It makes us obedient. Does following God's other commands somehow elevate our position over others? Worthy of being called a savior? I think not.

Adoption can be a touchy thing. I don't want it to be. But the reality is that as Seth gets older, he will understand some of these comments and they could hurt him. If he thinks I "purchased" him, he may think I paid his birth mother enough to get him. Or that he is "valued" at some identifiable number. Ick.

Or what if Seth thinks I saved him? Or that he's "sooo blessed" that I adopted him? It might mean that I'm not broken. Maybe even that I don't need a Savior! Couldn't be further from the truth.....

So I appreciate people who try to use the right language and try to be loving to Seth and me, speaking respectfully of our family. We have no interest in being a spectacle. We just want to be a family. :-)