I’m tired.  Of all of it.

I’m tired of worrying daily about whether one of my children will one day come up against a police officer and wind up dead. Before you think I’m overreacting, I have something to say about all of this and I’ve been holding it in for a while.

Last week, a teenage girl in South Carolina was caught on video as a police officer forcibly ripped her out of her chair, dragging her entire desk with her, and threw her to the ground where he proceeded to sit on her.  Yes, I’ve read the reports that she was disrespectful.  Yes, I realize she disobeyed a direct request from her teacher and then the officer.  Yes, she had a history of being a trouble maker.  Yes, the officer was a person the children in that high school liked, for the most part.  Here’s the thing:

I don’t care.

The question is not whether someone is a trouble maker or whether they behaved badly.  The question is how we treat people AFTER they behave badly.  Suppose I’m pulled over while driving and instead of respectfully responding to the officer, I sigh and swear and hesitate to obey and behave badly.  The fact is, very little is likely to happen to me.  I certainly wouldn’t fear for my life and I likely wouldn’t even be ticketed, much less arrested.  Imagine the same scenario with a driver who is black and the results could be deadly.  Because here’s the thing: we have a race problem.  We just do.

Indeed, many of the people who are complaining that these children who have been assaulted by police in the last six months deserved it because they had “attitude” or were disrespectful are the same people who are supporting the most loud-mouthed, disrespectful, bombastic presidential candidate we have ever seen in this country.  Respect?  Yes, we have a problem.

But respect is not the problem when it comes to disparate treatment.  Someone asked me on Facebook how I would suggest that the officer handle the obstinate teenager in South Carolina.  Um, first, that assumes that I agree the police should solve nonviolent problems in the schools.  I do not.  Second, I can think of dozens of solutions.  Call her parents and ask them to come get her.  Start packing her bags.  Call the school social worker and psychologist who are trained to deal with situations with children.  If you must call the police, handcuff her to the chair.  Calmly, calmly, read her Miranda warnings placing her under arrest.  {For what?  Unclear.}  Who is the adult in this situation?  And I’m confident there are more options.  Those of us who are parents know that we often don’t get compliance the first time we ask our children to do something.  Do we solve that by throwing our children to the ground and tackling them, military style?  I sure hope not.

No, the question isn’t respect.  There will be plenty of times when people fail to act respectfully and fail to behave appropriately in the face of authorities.  We are broken humans; none of us is perfect every day, all day long.  Police officers included.  The problem with the recent confrontations is the outcome when you react imperfectly.  So when I see videos or blogs or Facebook testimonials discussing how “this would never happen to me” because of how respectful I am and because my parents “raised me right,” I want to scream that they are missing the point.

 The point is that there will be disrespect; there will be bad choices; there will be obstinate teenagers.  And those people do not deserve to be manhandled and beat up because of the color of their skin.  {Before you freak out, show me one example of a white child being thrown from her chair; or a blond haired, blue eyed girl being tossed around in her bikini and then sat on; or a grown white woman being ordered out of her car and then placed under arrest for failing to turn on her turn signal.  Doesn’t happen.  And it’s certainly not because all white people are so extraordinarily respectful and obedient.  See, again, recent presidential race.}

 Even the phrase “all lives matter” bothers me.  Not because it’s untrue… duh… but when it is used in response to the hashtag #blacklivesmatter you are failing to realize that we are screaming BLACK LIVES MATTER precisely because ALL lives matter and people in this country are acting like black lives are less valuable.  As soon as we treat black people and white people alike, I can dream, we can stop screaming that #blacklivesmatter.  Until then, I will not participate in the #alllivesmatter movement.  It’s a non-sequitur that heaps further harm onto people who are just looking for us to acknowledge their value and worth.

 Hear me:  this is personal for me.  I have {at least} one child who will not behave perfectly when approached by authorities in the future.  I know this.  I can pour my heart and soul into raising him and pray the heck out of his little self, but the reality is, God made him different.  And if he gets harmed or killed because he didn’t respond the way some officer thought he should, it won’t be because he never learned respect and it won’t be because he wasn’t raised right.  It just will not.

It’s way past time for us to acknowledge that there is a difference between how people in authority treat white people and black people.  The evidence of this fact is deep and long.

Black lives matter.
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