Post a Comment On: The Han Family blog

When we first lived in Utah in the 90's, I often experienced conversations like the following when interacting with native Utahns:

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Person: "So, where are you from?"

Me: "South Dakota."

Person: "No, I mean where are you from?"

Me: "South Dakota."

Person (confused and a bit awkwardly): "I mean, what country are you from?"
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No, the person was not confused about what country South Dakota is in. They were really asking this question, "Hello, I see you are not caucasian. I want to show you that I am interested in diverse cultures so I would like to know which country you are from."

When I was younger, these types of interactions felt offensive to me because I was born and raised in the United States (although we did live in Australia for 9 years) and had a burning patriotism for my country, the good ol' USA. Any suggestion that I wasn't American was a tough thing to hear, especially when such judgments were made because of the color of my skin.

Now, I fully understood that there was no malicious intent and that these people were trying extra hard to be friendly. It was just that these experiences were tough to swallow as an immature young adult with thin skin.

Fast forward 15 years. I'm older, more mature (supposedly) and back in Utah. Furthermore, Utah has become a more diverse place than in 1998 (however still overwhelmingly caucasian). We love it here, the outdoors, the family friendly environment, the great neighborhoods, etc etc.

I thought that even if I encountered some of these innocently discriminatory experiences, it would be no skin off my back. [It should be noted that during our 8 years on the east coast, my wife and I did not experience this type of questioning once].

Well, this past Saturday evening, I was approached by someone and we had this exact same exchange; "Where are you from?" "South Dakota." "No, I mean where are you from?"

I was surprised by how much this interaction still bothered me. Again, I fully realize that this questioning was done with the singular motivation of friendliness. It made me realize that I still have a long way to go to overcome such feelings of defensiveness and rise above the sensitivity of being singled out because of my skin color.

Here is what I'll say next time. "Why, thank you for asking. My ethnicity is Korean. I love my Korean heritage but I am an American citizen. I was raised in South Dakota and that is where I call home....and how about you? Which country are you from???" :)