Post a Comment On: Stephanie Cake

I'm known to be a practical and rather cynical person. But there is an element of daydreamer in me. I think it comes out most when I'm feeling lost or not anchored. Drifting, maybe.

The last 2 months have been difficult. Reason doesn't matter... because honestly there is no real reason. Or at least in my mind there is no real reason. No acts of God, no death or destruction. Its work. Its life. Its all the little things that add up. Its the fact that 2009 worked its way up to a soul crushing crescendo and 2010 has provided no respite.... frankly, I'm just exhausted.

Anyway, my drifty flakiness manifests itself in silly ways... like imaging everyday moments are set to music. You know... the soundtrack of my life. The song that keeps playing over and over right now is Breakdown by Handsome Boys Modelling School (feat. Jack Johnson). Its melancholy but hopeful I guess? I listen to it almost everyday on my ride to and from work. Some days it brings comfort... sort of that feeling where you have worked really hard and you're mentally and physically tired and it feels so good to just sit down... but other days it makes me really sad.

I guess I imagine myself standing all alone while the whole world speeds past me. Feeling a little dizzy, a little sick. Unable to catch my breath. Not exhilerated but fearful and panicky. Unable to hold on. Getting ready to fall.

I've been searching for something for a really long time and maybe 2010 is the year to get down to brass tacks. I'm not quite sure that "it" is but lack of it leaves a ragged hole in me. I'm weary of living without it, whatever it is. Maybe I'm meant to improve something... whether its me... our circumstances... whatever. Or maybe I'm just on the verge of going crazy. Not hearing voices. Yet. So who knows.

♫ I hope this old train breaks down
So I can take a walk around and
See there’s no time you see 'cause
Time is just a melody
But the people in the streets
Walkin’ fast as their feet can take ‘em
I just rode through town
And though this window’s got a view
But the frame I’m lookin’ through
Seems to have no concern for now so for now
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Well this engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound and
I don't even make a sound 'cause
It’s gonna sting me to leave this town
And the people in the streets
That I’ll never get to meet
If these tracks don't bend somehow
And I got no time
that I got to get to where I don’t need to be
Said...
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Let me please break down
You know you can't stop nothin’
If you got no control
Over the thoughts in your mind
That you kept and you know
That you don’t know nothin’
But you don’t need to know’
Cause all the wisdom’s in the trees
Not the glass windows
You can't stop wishin’ if you don’t let go / I need this here
Of the things that you find and you lose and you know / Old train to breakdown
But you keep on rolling put the moment on hold / Oh please just
But the frames too bright with the blinds down low / Let me please breakdown
You know you can't stop nothin’ / I need this here
If you got no control
Over the thoughts in your mind / Old train to breakdown
That you kept and you know
That you don’t know nothin’ / Oh please just
But you don’t need to know’
Cause all the wisdom’s in the trees / Let me please breakdown
Not the glass windows
You can't stop wishin’ if you don’t let go / I need this here
Of the things that you find and you lose and you know / Old train to breakdown
But you keep on rolling put the moment on hold / Oh please just
But the frames too bright with the blinds down low / Let me please breakdown ♫