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[Image] <-- Poor pitiful me

So, I had a car accident on Father’s Day. A really bad one. I totaled the Corolla. And the airbag pretty much totaled my face. [insert joke…. “Does your face hurt? No? Well its KILLING me.” Actually my face is surprisingly good looking considering the impact blew my glasses right off my face. My left eye is black and I have some cuts and bruises on my left cheek and around my temples and forehead. I have a nasty friction burn under my chin from the airbag. Also a huge bruise on my neck from my necklace – it jabbed me in the trachea so my voice is all raspy today. It’s a wonder the pendant didn’t puncture my throat, considering its made of 16 gauge metal (not really bendable by hand) and the impact totally bent it.

My chest on the other hand looks worse than my car. I guess it was a combination of the seatbelt locking and the impact of the airbag but my right boob looks like a big sack of hamburger. The really funny part is that after the crash I found a big hole in my shirt on the left side right at nipple level. In hindsight I think my watch must have ripped it during the impact but at the time all I could think was “Oh my god, my nipple busted right through my shirt!”

All humor aside, it was really truly scary. I had a major flashback to the accident I had when I was 19. The terror of lost control. Seeing that the impact is going to happen and also knowing that there’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. What made it worse this time is that Connor was with me. I just kept thinking, “I am a terrible mother. I have endangered my child.” Luckily, other than a tiny abrasion on his neck from the seatbelt, he is totally fine. No bruises or soreness. Thank god. He was traumatized enough by the accident itself.

Thank god for Isabel too. We were on our way to her house because we were going to go to the AVAM. She came right away and picked us up and she completely calmed me down. I was on the verge of totally losing my shit there on 695.

I also had major panic attacks last night and this morning. Plus I couldn’t sleep last night and had nightmares when I did fall asleep. I keep replaying what happened just before the accident and I really can’t figure out how I got close enough to slam into the mini-van in front of me at 55 mph. I always say that I am my own worst enemy. Even 13 years later I still replay the accident that totaled the Chevette. I spend too much time thinking “What if?”

In the Chevette accident, I always wonder what if I hadn’t given my friend John O. a ride home from school after finals? I wouldn’t have been on Lafayette Blvd where there was lane construction. And the car wouldn’t have stalled right in the middle. And that monster of a station wagon wouldn’t have ploughed into me. I wonder what would have happened to me if all that hadn’t occurred…

In yesterday’s accident…. What if I wasn’t going to Isabel’s house? Or what if I hadn’t been running late – I wouldn’t have been behind that mini-van. But I think I shouldn’t ask these kind of questions. Because the answer might be something much worse than a fucked up face, a fucked up boob and a really fucked up car.

My poor pitiful boob --> [Image]