Sad as this is, she knew the risks she was taking, and maybe this is not the worst place or way one could die, safely enclosed in the bosom of mother earth forever. It is her family that I feel badly for, as they will always wonder where she disappeared that day, and why.
You tell quite a story . . . sad . . . yet I felt joy at her discovery of what was laid years before . . . sad . . . family and others having to deal with the not knowing.
There's a lot of Christmas cheer being written about isn't there for this prompt! I can remember going in a rock cave in France when I was 16 and in places you had to crawl on your belly on sand feeling the rock above scraping your backside. I survived luckily I was not thinking of death as I had no fear of it back then. Thanks for the memory!
Buried with curiosity and the urge to discover just a bit more. She found what she was looking for n too late to pay heed to the warnings. We all take those chances sometimes, eh Nicely written - Put me down for book 5, as I know 1-4 are already taken my dear writer of fiction. :) Best to Marcy, TM, A n Z - Happy HO HO :)
this is totally amazing to me. i carefully counted the sentences after i read this story. i could not believe all those words were only in six sentences.... you have a gift... use it. PS this story is exactly why i will not go in to a cave.
I knew it would have a bad ending. Your characters always are doomed. That's what I like about your stories. There's a certain edge of cruelty in them. I can identify with it.
I can feel her sense of panic as that cave rumbles and those rocks fall! Well done!
December 23, 2013 at 7:39 PM
She told no one she was walking the same path she had traveled with her father while he talked of cave safety and the history of it. Today she walked alone returning to the massive flat mouthed cave that used to shelter Native Americans.
Reaching the entrance she remembered to look at the ceiling to see if there were fresh rock falls and used her light sparingly even though she had another. During her previous visit she had spotted the entrance of another room but her father pointed out some fallen rock and said it was not safe to go further.
Reaching the opening in the back she crawled deeper as her flashlight illuminated drawings on the wall possibly not seen for hundreds or thousands of years. Admiring the art and traveling farther than she had gone before the cave rumbled dropping rocks behind her and she knew she was never going home.
16 Comments
Close this window Jump to comment formSad as this is, she knew the risks she was taking, and maybe this is not the worst place or way one could die, safely enclosed in the bosom of mother earth forever. It is her family that I feel badly for, as they will always wonder where she disappeared that day, and why.
December 19, 2013 at 9:30 PM
You tell quite a story . . . sad . . . yet I felt joy at her discovery of what was laid years before . . . sad . . . family and others having to deal with the not knowing.
December 19, 2013 at 10:11 PM
There's a lot of Christmas cheer being written about isn't there for this prompt! I can remember going in a rock cave in France when I was 16 and in places you had to crawl on your belly on sand feeling the rock above scraping your backside. I survived luckily I was not thinking of death as I had no fear of it back then. Thanks for the memory!
December 19, 2013 at 11:41 PM
You are going to have to write a book of these stories because the suspense is killing me!
Lynne x
December 20, 2013 at 2:49 AM
Oh, dear.
That's a high price to pay for curiosity!
But some are willing to take those risks, eh?
=)
December 20, 2013 at 3:52 AM
Buried with curiosity and the urge to discover just a bit more. She found what she was looking for n too late to pay heed to the warnings. We all take those chances sometimes, eh
Nicely written - Put me down for book 5, as I know 1-4 are already taken my dear writer of fiction. :)
Best to Marcy, TM, A n Z - Happy HO HO :)
December 20, 2013 at 6:26 AM
oh, dear. but a great tale.
December 20, 2013 at 6:50 AM
this is totally amazing to me. i carefully counted the sentences after i read this story. i could not believe all those words were only in six sentences.... you have a gift... use it.
PS this story is exactly why i will not go in to a cave.
December 20, 2013 at 7:41 AM
What a sinister mind! Good writing.
December 20, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Fabulous story. The ending is hard to read, easy to understand. xoxo Oma Linda
December 20, 2013 at 8:21 AM
Whoa...I was doing great until that cave-in...nice write! Have a Merry Christmas, Gail!! Laurel
December 20, 2013 at 9:03 AM
Deal me in!
December 20, 2013 at 3:42 PM
Very emotional and very well done, Gail.
Have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend. ♥
December 20, 2013 at 4:25 PM
Gail, my gmail has been hacked, so you might be getting strange messages. Could you email me again so that I check out if it is back?
December 20, 2013 at 6:49 PM
I knew it would have a bad ending. Your characters always are doomed. That's what I like about your stories. There's a certain edge of cruelty in them. I can identify with it.
December 20, 2013 at 8:08 PM
I can feel her sense of panic as that cave rumbles and those rocks fall! Well done!
December 23, 2013 at 7:39 PM