You're a dude right? Porn has a storyline and a plot for women. DVDs were created with fast forwarding by chapters so skip that crap and get to the good stuff.
The fact that Porn Wars was created on a $1 million budget means that it about $950k too much. The last porno I watched that was similarly budgeted was just as terrible as the movie it mocked -- Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm not quite sure why IMDB thinks it was rated "R" because it certainly wasn't.
We were discussing this over board games. I didn't expect a plot in Bimbo Bowlers of Buffalo about...um...20 years ago. But it definitely had more of a plot then Porn Wars has had so far. And I understand porn is primarily for the porn, but you'd think porn actors would have to have some sort of sense of humor about their work. I really hope they're not all super serious and it's as much of a drudge as cubicle work.
7:50 PM
We've only watched 40 minutes so far, and Pooteewheet is pretty sure she can't spend six hours of her life watching a Porn Wars trilogy, but here are some initial observations.
1.) It's miscast. If someone has a crooked wang, shouldn't it be the Darth Vader-like character? I mean - he did suffer through lava burns that melted off other sensitive flesh, so a crooked whang might even be expected. But Dick Vader has a pretty straight bit of manhood, and it's one of the Jodi (that's what passes for satirical humor in Porn Wars) that has a crooked dingle.
2.) I spend some time wondering whether Lick Dickstroker (I made that up - I'm funnier than they are) is going to have his dingle cut off by a light saber wielded by his father in Porn Wars II. That would be incredibly Oedipal. I don't think it will get that deep, even though it's Europorn, and Greece is in Europe-orn. I think they're operating on a slightly more superfacial level. (I know, that was uncalled for).
3.) Why is the Jodi's whang so damn crooked. It looks like stairs. Or at least two stairs. That cannot be comfortable. Is he ok? He didn't do that to himself on purpose somehow did he? There are a lot of tats and piercings in Europorn, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that he did it on purpose. Even so, is it necessary to tack if your dingle is crooked? People are bent over, other people with crooked crankhandles are behind those people, and they're not hanging on to both hips, but are off to the side with both hands on one hip, like they're going to be blown off course (yes...that was on purpose). Maybe that's easier on your knees if you have a volleyball injury or a bad back.
4.) It needs more plot and conversation. Seriously. If I'm watching something called Porn Wars, I expect a particularly high amount of porn humor. Maybe a light saber fight that's just over the top and involves body parts falling out of their tunics. Robot sex. I don't really want to watch that, but at least it would be funny if C3PO were gay, rather than missing completely. Where are the f-ing wookies? They should be present, dancing like in the Star Wars on line game, and perhaps having an orgy with ewoks to a vaugely "whoop whoop" crossed with porn music soundtrack. Yoda teaching ancient Jodi sexual techniques? The Dickstar? (and it's one weakness, the orifice)? I don't expect great humor - but I expect an attempt. Sure...it's porn, and it has a mission - but it needs to try and entertain all audiences.
"Initial Thoughts on Porn Wars"
2 Comments -
It needs more plot and conversation.
You're a dude right? Porn has a storyline and a plot for women. DVDs were created with fast forwarding by chapters so skip that crap and get to the good stuff.
The fact that Porn Wars was created on a $1 million budget means that it about $950k too much. The last porno I watched that was similarly budgeted was just as terrible as the movie it mocked -- Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm not quite sure why IMDB thinks it was rated "R" because it certainly wasn't.
7:42 PM
We were discussing this over board games. I didn't expect a plot in Bimbo Bowlers of Buffalo about...um...20 years ago. But it definitely had more of a plot then Porn Wars has had so far. And I understand porn is primarily for the porn, but you'd think porn actors would have to have some sort of sense of humor about their work. I really hope they're not all super serious and it's as much of a drudge as cubicle work.
7:50 PM