At least I am not the only one sometimes mystified by the breadth of the terms used in 'Savage Love'. It's not only advice, it's also an educational column.
1:57 PM
Anonymous said...
I just read that savage love and found you blog post. thanks for the post.
well done, you are the top google return on "cuckold fetishist".
I used to think I was the only husband in the world who liked to watch other men fuck his wife. Now I know that it is normal, and even natural for a man to want to share his wife's naked body with other men.
This part of the swinging sub-culture can be fun but ONLY for marriages that are very strong. It just adds a little spice. You have to be able to subtract "sex" from "love making".
My two cents
N
8:13 AM
Anonymous said...
yep marriage needs to be strong to survive such acts. May be hard to keep sex and love mutually exclusive but that would be ideal if it happens
9:52 AM
Anonymous said...
Hi I know this is not a psychology forum :) but maybe some of you can help me- we kind of sit in the same boat? I just discovered that my husband (just got married 1 year ago and never lived together) is a cuckold fetishist but only with his former fiancee, which was his big love for several years, she was cheating on him and left him to marry a friend of them. My husband kept in contact with her, while we were dating and she kept on teasing him with photos, etc. He has these phantasies of her being taken by some more good looking guys than him - while she is laughing at him and telling him to masturbate. I really freaked out the first moment when I found out...because it's only with this one woman he has these phantasies (they are all written down). I wish he had these phantasies with me?! ha.. We haven't talked about it...but I did some research on google and your blog seems really good. I hope somebody can explain to me if I should be worried..or if it was a "phase"? The fetish I knew of and he's told me about is stockings and high heels... Thank you!
9:17 PM
Anonymous said...
@Anonymous:
You say "I wish he had these phantasies with me?! ha.. We haven't talked about it".
Like your husband, I'm also a "cuckold fetishist". I've many years researching the subject (because at first I thought I had something wrong in my head, and perhaps I have hehe, but experts say that a large percentage of heterosexual men have such fantasies), so I think I can help you...
First, this fetish is fed by many factors, not all well understood, but others more obvious. One of them is the personality of the wife.
If your husband says he has no such fantasies with you, it may be because you are a woman with a personality that does not feed this fetish (perhaps you've never given him a reason for he think on you with another guy).
However, it's quite possible that your husband actually does have cuckold fantasies with you, but maybe he would be embarrassed to confess you, given the state of your relationship, relatively young.
In either case, the solution is simple: give him reason to think you as a "hotwife". Dress a little more provocative, be a little more flirtatious, subtly tell him you like the idea that he also has cuckold fantasies with you. I assure you he will be fascinated. If something excites a cuckold is that the girl take the lead in these games.
Good Look ;)
10:49 PM
I was reading Savage Love today and Dan Savage used the phrase "cuckold fetishist". That was a new one on me, so I did some research, just to make my self more knowledgable. Wikipedia provides the best definition via the general cuckold entry.
The term has acquired additional meanings among sexual fetishists, referring to couples where a dominant female takes on additional partners, while a submissive male is either monogamous to her, denied sex altogether, or only allowed to perform a restricted range of sex acts with her and in extreme cuckoldry also her lover.Cuckolding among female-dominant couples differs from the original definition of cuckolding in that many of these men are voluntarily "cuckolded" by their wives, as part of the husband's sexual fantasy of gaining sexual pleasure from being humiliated by his wife, and in extreme cuckoldry also by her lover; indeed, the husband may even be the instigator of this practice, raising questions about who is truly the dominant partner. This is a common theme in letters to erotica magazines. In the fantasy realm, the wife of a cuckold is sometimes referred to as a hotwife. In a broader context, the contrast between a cuckold and bull is sometimes used to summarize an individual's personality or behaviour; the male third party, or bull representing an aggressive alpha male and the cuckold suggesting weakness, fear and vulnerability. There some who consider the use of the term "bull" to be offensive, and this term is not commonly used in the BDSM community.In cuckoldry the cuck can submit to humiliation, called serving with common themes including: feminization and oral sex with the hotwife or bull following their intercourse, called a creampie or cleaning up.
If you need topically related material, you can read further about candualism (nsfw) and being a humiliatrix (sorry, I couldn't figure out the plural - humiliatrices?) at Wikipedia as well.
And, if you've linked over to find a how-to rather than a what-is-it, there's " The Cuckold's and Cuckolder's Guide", which I myself am just not interested enough to read. There are limits to my research.
"Cuckold Fetishist or, I Will Never Call My Wife "Hot" Again"
7 Comments -
At least I am not the only one sometimes mystified by the breadth of the terms used in 'Savage Love'. It's not only advice, it's also an educational column.
1:57 PM
I just read that savage love and found you blog post.
thanks for the post.
well done, you are the top google return on "cuckold fetishist".
3:29 PM
I used to think I was the only husband in the world who liked to watch other men fuck his wife. Now I know that it is normal, and even natural for a man to want to share his wife's naked body with other men.
2:30 AM
This part of the swinging sub-culture can be fun but ONLY for marriages that are very strong. It just adds a little spice. You have to be able to subtract "sex" from "love making".
My two cents
N
8:13 AM
yep marriage needs to be strong to survive such acts. May be hard to keep sex and love mutually exclusive but that would be ideal if it happens
9:52 AM
Hi
I know this is not a psychology forum :) but maybe some of you can help me- we kind of sit in the same boat?
I just discovered that my husband (just got married 1 year ago and never lived together) is a cuckold fetishist but only with his former fiancee, which was his big love for several years, she was cheating on him and left him to marry a friend of them. My husband kept in contact with her, while we were dating and she kept on teasing him with photos, etc. He has these phantasies of her being taken by some more good looking guys than him - while she is laughing at him and telling him to masturbate.
I really freaked out the first moment when I found out...because it's only with this one woman he has these phantasies (they are all written down). I wish he had these phantasies with me?! ha.. We haven't talked about it...but I did some research on google and your blog seems really good. I hope somebody can explain to me if I should be worried..or if it was a "phase"? The fetish I knew of and he's told me about is stockings and high heels...
Thank you!
9:17 PM
@Anonymous:
You say "I wish he had these phantasies with me?! ha.. We haven't talked about it".
Like your husband, I'm also a "cuckold fetishist". I've many years researching the subject (because at first I thought I had something wrong in my head, and perhaps I have hehe, but experts say that a large percentage of heterosexual men have such fantasies), so I think I can help you...
First, this fetish is fed by many factors, not all well understood, but others more obvious. One of them is the personality of the wife.
If your husband says he has no such fantasies with you, it may be because you are a woman with a personality that does not feed this fetish (perhaps you've never given him a reason for he think on you with another guy).
However, it's quite possible that your husband actually does have cuckold fantasies with you, but maybe he would be embarrassed to confess you, given the state of your relationship, relatively young.
In either case, the solution is simple: give him reason to think you as a "hotwife". Dress a little more provocative, be a little more flirtatious, subtly tell him you like the idea that he also has cuckold fantasies with you. I assure you he will be fascinated. If something excites a cuckold is that the girl take the lead in these games.
Good Look ;)
10:49 PM