The other day I was riding my bike trainer and watching Chicago. When they got to the number where Billy the lawyer is manipulating the press and being Roxie's puppeteer, the only thing I could think of was this (below). It's not as tight as I was hoping for, but perhaps you'll find it enjoyable, and please feel free to make a better version - it would particularly interesting as a video.
STARRING: ROVE (as BILLY) SCOOTER LIBBY (as ROXIE) JUDITH MILLER (as MARY SUNSHINE) REPORTERS (as THEMSELVES)
Reporters controlled by strings in many bits, like marionettes, by ROVE.
[REPORTERS] Why’d you do it?
[ROVE (as Libby)] I was angry
[REPORTERS] About the yellowcake?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Absolutely
[REPORTERS] Where is it now?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Never existed.
[ROVE] Wilson told us from the start
[ROVE (as Libby)] It was just a made up part
[REPORTERS] When’d it happen?
[ROVE (as Libby)] 2003
[REPORTERS] Who was the target?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Valerie
[REPORTERS] Then what happened?
[ROVE (as Libby)] I called Novak And he quickly wrote away Outted Wilson, or so they say
[JUDITH MILLER (spoken)] Oh you poor man I cant believe what you have been through A rogue ambassador! An unbelieving public!
Now tell us Libby…
[MARY SUNSHINE] Who’s Dick Cheney?
[ROVE (as Libby)] The Vice-President
[REPORTERS] Was he involved too?
[ROVE (as Libby)] So you’re hearin’.
[REPORTERS] Was he angry?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Like a madman Still I said, "Dick, move along."
[ROVE] He knew that he was doing wrong.
[REPORTERS] Then describe it.
[ROVE (as Libby)] He approached me.
[REPORTERS] With the phone?
[ROVE (as Libby)] And a secret.
[REPORTERS] Did you fight him?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Like a tiger.
[ROVE]He had power, he had none.
[ROVE (as Libby)] And yet we both reached for the phone Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both Oh yes we both Oh yes, we both reached for The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone Oh yes, we both reached for the phone For the phone.
[REPORTERS] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both Oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both reached for The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone, Oh yes, they both reached for the phone For the phone.
[ROVE] Understandable, understandable Yes it's perfectly understandable Comprehensible, Comprehensible Not a bit reprehensible It's so defensible
[REPORTERS] How're you feeling?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Very frightened
[REPORTERS] Are you sorry?
[LIBBY] Are you kidding?
[REPORTERS] What's your statement?
[ROVE (as Libby)] All I'd say is Though I broke the IIPA I’d do it again any other day
[REPORTERS] And?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Stay away from...
[REPORTERS] What?
[GWB (from out of sight, off stage)] Drugs and liquor...
[REPORTERS] And?
[ROVE (as Libby)] And the men who...
[REPORTERS] What?
[ROVE (as Libby)] Out for fun...
[REPORTERS] And what?
[ROVE (as Libby)] That's the thought that...
[REPORTERS] Yeah
[ROVE (as Libby)] Came upon me...
[REPORTERS] When?
[ROVE] When we both reached for the phone!
[JUDITH MILLER] Understandable, understandable
[ROVE AND JUDITH MILLER] Yes, it's perfectly understandable Comprehensible, comprehensible Not a bit reprehensible It's so defensible!
[REPORTERS] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both reached for…
[ROVE (spoken)] Let me hear it!
[REPORTERS] The phone, the phone, the phone, The phone Oh yes, they both reached For the phone
[ROVE (spoken)] A little louder!
[REPORTERS] For the phone. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both reached For the phone, the phone
[ROVE (spoken)] Now you got it!
[REPORTERS] The phone, the phone Oh yes. They both reached For the phone For the phone.
[ROVE AND REPORTERS] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both reached for The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone Oh yes, they both reached for the phone For the phone. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both Oh yes, reached for The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
[ROVE] Both reached for the...phone
[REPORTERS] The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone The phone, the phone, Both reached for the phone.
In the movie, this is all followed by a number of scrolling and spinning newspapers with large headlines – PLAMEGATE! 85 DAYS IN JAIL! CONSPIRACY TO IMPEDE OR INJURE! – then people celebrating the crime and the criminal, and then a bared forearm with a tattoo (that would say “Libby” in this context, but would be more visually interesting if it said “Valerie”).
"Both Reached For the Phone"
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