Ajay, I am always mesmerized by the imagination of poets. You have some nice ideas in this song (poem).
One issue I notice is that of weight (wazan). In Urdu poetry, wazan makes quite a bit of difference. I see the first sher is getting slightly out of weight.
For example, "aaye hai hosh mein abhi, abhi to na jaayiye" would be in wazan as "aye abhi hain hosh mein, abhi na jaiyee". However, the latter takes away some of the intensity from the "iltejaa" (request) made in it.
Like it a lot. Can you write something on "the good memories of the past"?
hi u had left a comment on my blog quite sometime back, thnks, this is not the right place to say this but thnks again :)
27 April, 2009 12:57
[Image] (Original poetry by @kaunquest) जादूगरी निगाह की समझाके जाइये आये है होश में अभी अभी न जाइये पहलू में आज आपके जो बेरंग होगये कहते है गुल वो आप से महकाके जाइये लिपटी दिल से आप के जो राज़दार है नाम उस किताब में मेरा लिखकरके जाइये जुगनू ख़याल-ए-यार के अपने चिराग है सुबह कभी तो लाइये घर आके जाइये होने लगे है हम भी कुछ मशहूर शहर में ऐसे ही रोज़ देखिये मुस्काके जाइये Jaadoogari nigaah ki, samjhaake jaayiye aaye hai hosh mein abhi, abhi na jaayiye... Pehloo mein aaj aapke, jo berang hogaye kehte hai gul vo aap se, mehkaake jaayiye Liptii hai dil se aap ke, jo raazdaar hai naam us kitaab mein meraa, likhkarke jaayiye jugnuu khayaal-e-yaar ke, apne chiraag hai subho kabhii to laayiye, ghar aake jaayiye hone lage hai hum bhi kuch, mashhoor shehar mein aise hi roz dekhiye, muskaake jaayiye - Kaunquest Photo by Rhett Wesley on Unsplash
6 Comments
Close this window Jump to comment formNice song !!!
20 September, 2008 13:41
hey this couplet is really awesome...very filmy! :)
thanx for all your comments on my blog...
do excuse me for delayed replies.
31 October, 2008 10:37
Aise hi roz aaiye, khyaal bataate jaaiye (i mean comment chodkar jaaiye ;-) ).
Did not follow line no. 7: jugnuu khayaal-e-yaar ke, apne chiraag hai
13 November, 2008 00:20
Ur blog is very nice...
http://hotspicywallpapers.blogspot.com/
http://shayrionline.blogspot.com/
http://mobileflame.blogspot.com/
15 November, 2008 12:41
Ajay, I am always mesmerized by the imagination of poets. You have some nice ideas in this song (poem).
One issue I notice is that of weight (wazan). In Urdu poetry, wazan makes quite a bit of difference. I see the first sher is getting slightly out of weight.
For example, "aaye hai hosh mein abhi, abhi to na jaayiye" would be in wazan as "aye abhi hain hosh mein, abhi na jaiyee". However, the latter takes away some of the intensity from the "iltejaa" (request) made in it.
Like it a lot. Can you write something on "the good memories of the past"?
06 December, 2008 01:31
hi
u had left a comment on my blog quite sometime back, thnks, this is not the right place to say this but thnks again :)
27 April, 2009 12:57