After an especially frustrating week with the Unnamed Defense Contractor, a co-worker and I decided to shave off some functioning years from our livers. My two 20-ounce "tall" Sam Adams were chased with a bourbon-based cocktail then, in no condition to drive, I drove off to fetch dinner.

And, unfortunately, my car was involved in a tragedy. Location: the drive-thru speaker at Burger King, where I opted to order the newest member of BK's Tendercrisp line of chicken sandwiches.

It's about a five minute drive from Burger King to Stately Bootleg Manor. Not exactly a killer commute or anything, but it's long enough for the contents of a hot sandwich to melt and meld together, as the finest representatives of our four food groups go for a swim within a sea of grease…inside a bag.

When I unwrapped this bad boy, I noticed that none of the heavily-trumpeted three cheeses had morphed from their original square processed form. My first bite had the same bitter, off-putting taste as the second worst fast food I've ever reviewed. I'm not sure what's in the dairy products at the Hamburger King, but someone needs to check the expiration date. Believe it or not, the curdled milk even overpowered the presence of bacon. Bacon!

So, let's summarize: served cold, this breaded chicken breast is topped with three rancid cheeses, lettuce, tomatoes and some lazy bacon that just lays there without attempting to save this sandwich.

It's too late for me, kids. Save yourselves.

Grade: -5 (out of 5)