[Image]picture just meant to be a calming influence on my psychei love lilacs.they're my favorite flower.

today was the day that i had to conduct an interview at my former place of employment. it's a very austere place. cold. formal. old-fashioned. and i'll admit i was shit scared a bit apprehensive about going back there. it was a place that was downright bad for my health and i was worried that setting foot in there again would set me back months in getting over it and that it might require building a second story on the studio to make it ok again.  but you know what? i was wrong. totally and completely wrong.
and it's partly because of a conversation i had with a friend last friday (HUGE thank you H!). she and i are doing an art show together in october and we got together to talk about that. she actually works at that place now (in a totally different department) and we talked about it. and i told her about my fears and my need to psyche up to go there. she said, "you're afraid of meeting your old self when you go in there. but it's not going to happen. you're a totally different person now." and she was so right. it was like her words just totally clicked into place with me and i haven't been worried about it since. she was right. there was no danger for me there, no matter the cold, marble surfaces. there wasn't anything there that could hurt me anymore.

it helped that the receptionist remembered me and was kind and welcoming. it helped that i saw a bunch of faces i knew and they lit up and greeted me warmly when they saw me (all but one the big introvert boss who stuttered a bit when i greeted him cheerfully--and admittedly it was nice to see him a bit squirmy, so that was also a good thing). it was even ok that the meeting room was one i had been in countless times.

and the interview was great. they were engaged and interested and i learned something and got great information for my story. i can tell that big changes are afoot and that it's a good thing. it's a different place than it was when i left a year and a half ago and i'm a different person too. and both are good. and it's such a relief. they say you can't go back and i can understand that. but sometimes, maybe you should go back, just to prove yourself that it's safe and you're healed.

afterwards, i had lunch with a very good friend and she had plenty of time, so we talked for almost three hours. and that was so great. we gossiped, we theorized (more about that later), we talked about books, we watched a very weird man in a BMW (i'll blog about that later when i can download from my phone camera) and we laughed and had great food and a latte. and now, i'm in the lounge again, waiting to fly on to a new place and new adventures. and that's as it should be. just another manic monday.