Post a Comment On: The Existential Blog of Overwhelming Beauty

because I have nothing better to do, I wrote this:


(BUS STATION. A MAN AND A WOMAN, WAITING. THEY ALTERNATE BETWEEN NERVOUS GLANCES AT THE GROUND AND AT EACH OTHER.)

Man (finally with some nerve): Hey.

Woman (relieved): Hello.

Man: Slow bus.

Woman: Slow.

Man: Slow in coming.

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Not necessarily slow.

Woman: I know.

Man: Because, you know. It's only slow in coming, because it's not coming, or hasn't been coming, or rather, it's going to come, but it hasn't because it's slow, but not because it's physically slow because who knows how physically slow it is, but it's just slow relative to when it's supposed to be... coming.

Woman (already regretting this): Yeah okay.

Man (realizes his mistake): But, you know, not that it matters.

Woman: It doesn't matter.

Man: No, it really doesn't matter.

Woman: What you said.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: I meant, what you meant doesn't matter.

Man: I know.

Woman: Because, you know, it really doesn't matter what you meant when you said that the bus is slow, but it does matter that the bus is indeed slow, or slow in coming, or whichever, because we are standing here waiting for the slow, slow-in-coming bus, and that matters, not what you said.

Man (also regretting this): Uh, yeah.

Woman (realizes her mistake): Oh, sorry.

Man: What for?

Woman: Oh, nothing.

Man: I'm sorry too. Also for nothing.

Woman: Then you shouldn't need to be sorry.

Man: I just like the feeling.

Woman: Of being sorry?

Man: Of standing here. Next to you.

Woman (pause): Excuse me?

Man: I'm sorry.

Woman: What for?

Man: Oh, nothing.

Woman: I'm sorry too.

(LONG PAUSE.)

Man: So where are you going?

Woman: On the bus.

Man: Where on the bus?

Woman: Probably the back.

Man: I mean where, umm, where do you get off?

Woman: Probably the front.

Man: Me too.

Woman: It's the best way.

Man: Sometimes, it's the only way.

Woman: Not often though.

Man: Not ever, really.

Woman: Not really.

Man: Are you hungry?

Woman: Not really.

Man: Me neither.

Woman: But I love you.

Man: Then why did you leave me?

Woman (suddenly hysterical): I didn't mean to! I was going to find you! I was going to meet you exactly where we were supposed to meet! But I couldn't! I couldn't get there on time! The bus -- the bus was slow. It was slow in coming, and when I finally got on the back and got off the front, you were gone, you were gone, no where to be seen. The air was filled with your cruelty. Or mine. I couldn't tell, but you were gone. But I loved you.

Man: I wish my girlfriend didn't leave me.

Woman (normal): Your girlfriend left you?

Man: She will.

Woman: Is it a surprise?

Man: Not much of one.

Woman: What happened?

Man: Missed connections.

Woman: Isn't it always.

Man: It is.

Woman: Shit. The bus is really late. I'm going to be really late.

Man: Where are you going?

Woman: Down the line. I'm meeting my boyfriend.

Man: Really.

Woman: Or, I was supposed to. About thirty minutes ago. But the bus -- it -- I need it. I need to get on the bus to find him.

Man: It's coming.

Woman: It's going to be too late.

Man: It's coming.

Woman: It's going to be too late!

Man: It's coming!

(THE BUS COMES)

Woman (jumping onto the bus): Thank GOD! Aren't you getting on?

Man: No. I'm waiting for someone, actually.

Woman: Who is it?

Man: My girlfriend. She was supposed to get here thirty minutes ago.

Woman: Well, the bus is running late.

Man: Yeah I guess so. I hope she's coming.

Woman: Are there reasons she wouldn't?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Well, good luck. I hope she comes.

Man: She won't. I hope you find your boyfriend in time.

Woman: I won't.

Man: Well, blame it on the bus.

Woman: Fucking bus.

Man: Missed connections.

Woman: Isn't it always.

Man: It is this time.

(THE BUS DOOR SHUTS. LIGHTS DIM.)