It is evident that your father was a man of integrity who had the grace to understand others. You have written a most touching reminiscence. My heartfelt sympathies go out to you, your wife, brother, and family, and especially, your children who remind us all that life and family are the bonds the Divine Presence would have us keep in the forefront.
Thank you Fr. Justin, for sharing this touching collection of memories which your father shared with you. Luciana and I are reading the poems now. Last night we watched a movie, Interstellar, in which the Thomas poem played prominently.
10:53 am
Anonymous said...
Memory Eternal
1:53 pm
Anonymous said...
Memory Eternal! God grant his soul rest in the land of the living. Praying for you and yours during this time. - Fr. Tim Prattas
The challenge that I find that I face when reminiscing about
Dad is that so much of what I remember about him is bound up with who I am - or
at least who I aspire to be.
He loved nature. Some of my earliest memories are of the various
camping trips we went on. Racoons on the back porch, starfish in tide-pools,
gargantuan trees in Cathedral Grove... And of simple family walks with Dad
through the local forest he called "the Wild Woods of the North" - a
tradition carried on with his grand-kids in "the Wild Woods of the
East" as the local forests were cut down to make way for subdivisions.
He loved God. He taught me to pray and read Bible stories to
me. He brought us to church faithfully every Sunday, and his delight at his
children's growing love of God and of the Scriptures was evident to us.
Above all - and this in no way takes away from his love of
God; it was, in fact, the primary expression of his love for God - Dad loved
people. Friends and family were hugely important to him, but his love for those
around him went much further than that.
Dad believed the best of people. Perhaps the first point at
which I became aware of my dad as someone known to others outside the circle of
our immediate family was around age ten when the speaker at the Bible camp I
was at told me that he knew my dad. While I was struggling with the new idea
that someone else - someone well-known and important - actually knew my dad,
the speaker said something else that has stuck with me to this day: "I've
never known him to say anything bad about anyone."
As I watched Dad over the years as I grew up, this rang
true. Not, perhaps, in a strictly literal sense - no one can never say anything bad about anyone -
but I saw, in circumstance after circumstance where people might naturally
condemn, Dad would, instead, seek to understand, and understand in a way that
clearly sought to believe the best about the person and their motives.
Dad's love of debate and his defence of traditional
Judaeo-Christian values inevitably brought him into conflict with others who
didn't share Dad's values. Dad related to me once that one of his opponents had
said to him that "When the revolution comes, Ted, you'll be the first up
against the wall." Dad's response? He called him his favourite Marxist.
This was typical of Dad: along with a great sense of humour,
he had a deep respect for anyone he perceived to be thoughtful and
well-motivated, whether they agreed with him or not. He loved learning through
dialogue: he knew enough to know that he didn't know everything, and he was
thankful to those who thoughtfully challenged him to think through what he
believed, why, and how best to articulate it.
But despite Dad's deep and abiding love for debate and
conversation (I still remember when he noted that I was getting good at talking
with adults and paid me the high compliment of telling me that I was becoming a
good conversationalist), he cared about people,
not just people's intellects or even their ability to chat with him. His
assortment of friends was rich and varied - though admittedly, most of them
shared Dad's love of conversation - and he was loyal to each and every one of
them, appreciating them for who they were, making sure he spent time with them
and always concerned for their welfare, right to the end. It was hard on him,
in his later years, to see so many of his friends and family reach their end,
but there were few more faithful visitors to the hospitals and to the
old-folks' homes than my father.
Above all, I remember my father as a man of honour, one
absolutely committed to using every resource at his disposal to fight for the
welfare of all those around him. It didn't matter to him, ultimately, whether
or not a cause was "winnable" - if it was something worth fighting for,
he fought for it. Given society's shift away from Judaeo-Christian values, this
meant that Dad found a lot of causes to fight for over the years - and that he
ended up on the "losing" side, or at best ended up fighting a
"rearguard action" in most of those battles. This was naturally
discouraging for Dad at times - I remember him lamenting that it seemed that
whenever he joined a political party, it would shortly thereafter suffer some
devastating defeat and be destroyed. And it was true: I was with him, fighting alongside
him, in a number of those defeats. But that this was in no way due to Dad can
be seen in the fact that the one time Dad took on a cause that was not going against the mainstream of
public opinion, when he rallied the forces to save the heritage elementary
school that we had all attended as children and that Mom had taught at, he won.
But Dad never fought simply to win. As with the many board games and card games
he played and lost, the main point of the exercise was the people involved: he fought, as he played, for them, for the common good, for love.
I think Dad was torn, at the end, having "fought the
good fight", between the approaches to death described by Dylan Thomas and
by John Donne. He loved his wife, his friends, his kids and grand-kids deeply,
and, for their sake, primarily, his conscious approach to dying was that of
Dylan Thomas: "Do not go gently into that good night,/ Rage, rage, against
the dying of the light." One of his last words to his grandchildren was
that he looked forward to getting better so that he could play with them again.
On the other hand, his passing, when he was beyond thought, was absolutely
peaceful. One of his last words to my brother was that he was not afraid of
dying: it was like falling asleep, which he did every night. As John Donne puts
it in his, "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning": "As virtuous
men pass mildly away,/ And whisper to their souls to go,/ Whilst some of their
sad friends do say/ The breath goes now, and some say, No:" so was my
father's passing. One moment he was breathing quietly, then, when I next looked
up, he was gone.
My father was not perfect, but he was a man of honour, a man
of love, a man of faith. Now, at the time of his passing, as I reflect on who
he was and the impact he had on me and on all those around him, I am proud to
be able to say, with as much conviction as I would have said it in my
childhood: "When I grow up, I want to be like you, Dad."
"In Memory of My Father, Ted Hewlett (1936-2015)"
9 Comments -
This is beautiful. Very moving. May God bless him, and you, his proud and loving son.
3:10 pm
memory eternal. this is a beautiful elegy. our thoughts and prayers are with you.
3:52 pm
Beautiful. Thank you, Father. He and you all shall be in our prayers tonight at All Saints Meadow Lake.
5:31 pm
It is evident that your father was a man of integrity who had the grace to understand others. You have written a most touching reminiscence.
My heartfelt sympathies go out to you, your wife, brother, and family, and especially, your children who remind us all that life and family are the bonds the Divine Presence would have us keep in the forefront.
6:52 pm
Memory eternal! May the Lord grant him rest, and consolation to all who love him. Much love from our family to yours.
12:17 am
Thank you Fr. Justin, for sharing this touching collection of memories which your father shared with you. Luciana and I are reading the poems now. Last night we watched a movie, Interstellar, in which the Thomas poem played prominently.
10:53 am
Memory Eternal
1:53 pm
Memory Eternal! God grant his soul rest in the land of the living. Praying for you and yours during this time.
- Fr. Tim Prattas
1:19 pm
Memory eternal! What an icon.
11:22 pm