[Image]“You need to sit properly like a lady!” “Who will marry you if you don’t know how to cook?” These are just some of the instructions that girls are bombarded with as they grow up. Later, as the Cinderella dream gets cemented in their brains, girls are reminded that the most desired trait by prince charming’s is the ‘wifey material’ kind. It’s no wonder that a simple search on google for the term wife material gives more than 700 billion results. According to marriage.com, the term describes a woman who has the qualities of a good wife. They possess qualities like maturity, financial responsibility, and the willingness to stand by a man through difficulties. The urban dictionary brings a more urban definition and notes that ‘She is educated, can hold her own in a conversation, is generous but takes no s**t. She will put your needs first and will give you breathing room as a man. She doesn't always have to look like a supermodel either because when those looks fade, she will have something valuable like her wifely duties to back it up.”ALSO READTaps flow at Craft Beer Garden, KarenSaturday_Magazine 12 min ago[Image]Gender debate: Why the girl child cause is glaring male parent caseWeekend 19 min ago[Image]But all these definitions according to critics are meant to cage a woman into conforming to a patriarchy’s stereotypical view. A woman who is (or is willing to be) a wife first, a mother second, and herself last. A woman whose sole mission in the world is to bend over backward to ensure that her marriage works and there is ‘peace’ in the home. Virginia Nicholson, an author of Perfect Wives in Ideal Homes reconstructs the era of the 1950s, where women scrubbed their doorsteps, cared for their families, lived, laughed, loved, and struggled to make their marriage work. According to Dorcas Nyakio Muhia, a counseling psychologist, society conditions women to be wife material. But this is not so for male children who are not taught to be good men in the society.“Right from birth, the girl-child is raised by her mother to become a good wife when she grows up. Unfortunately, you don’t see the same energy that is put into equipping boys to become husband material. While the woman comes into marriage having been properly groomed, the man lacks information on how to handle a woman which eventually leads to abuse, the psychologist says. Now, a number of women are ditching the label. The see wife material as a negative trait, which is meant to box them into puppets and doormats. In pursuit of a balanced view, where differences are celebrated, and everyone puts in the weight for a healthy relationship, women are discarding struggle and hardship in favour of happiness and peace while putting their needs front and centre.Four women share on why they no longer take the term ‘wife material’ as a compliment. ‘I ended up my recent relationship because of unrealistic expectations’Maggy Joy, 35, Music Publicist[Image]Maggy Joy, 35, Gospel Music Publicist says she ended up her recent relationship because of unrealistic expectations. Photo | Pool“A wife is more than a cook or a cleaner. It is quite unfortunate that some men are looking for domestic workers, not mates or equals. I am not against a woman taking on these roles as a wife, but marriage is bigger than just fulfilling some set standards. Recently, I ended a relationship that lasted a few months because, according to my ex-boyfriend, a woman should be willing to support the man all through even in times when a man can work and meet some needs in the family. He was broke and he demanded I bring all my income to him. When I questioned him about it, he said that an ideal woman should be patient with a man and fully submit. I couldn’t stand this and I had to quit the relationship. The world has changed and with the tough economic times, a couple should both make ends meet. Women should understand what they want in a relationship, apart from offering unpaid domestic work.”‘The label wife material has oppressed women.’Wanjiku, Kariuki, 32, an Entrepreneur [Image]Wanjiku, Kariuki, 32, an Entrepreneur says the label wife material has oppressed women. Photo | Photosearch “Culture made women to adhere to some set rules and regulations. I believe a relationship should bring value and not oppress someone. For a long time, women have been viewed as domestic workers which eventually end up oppressing women and not empowering them. I was once in a relationship where the man demanded I stay home and only do household chores. The man had too many rules on what a wife material should do and it was very straining. Most of our conversations ended with “This is what a wife material should be!” This affected my esteem and I had to let go of the relationship. Marriage is a beautiful union and both parties should deliberately work as a team.”‘I have decided to be a modern wife material’Grace Kiboi, 39, Real estate investor and Gospel Artist[Image]Grace Kiboi, 39, Real estate investor and Gospel Artist says she is a modern wife material that delegates duties where need be. Photo | Pool “Society has defined a wife material as someone who is oppressed, not empowered, and easy to control. Biblically, a wife is a helper who should help a man achieve his vision. In my early years of marriage, I tried to meet the standards and expectations of the ideal wife— cook, do laundry, and stay at home— but I fell short because I’m a career woman and time was a major constraint. It reached a point where I felt strained and couldn’t handle the pressure. Now, I have decided to be a modern wife material by delegating duties where need be and my marriage of 17-years-marriage is working. My husband and I work as a team to achieve family goals. He has been supportive in ensuring I achieve my life goals and we have brought our four children in a loving environment.” ‘There is nothing wrong with men wanting wife material trait, but what is it they are bringing on the table?’Elizabeth Kasyoki, 32, Assistant Dean of Student[Image]Elizabeth Kasyoki, 32, Assistant Dean of Student, says, there is nothing wrong with being a wife material but it’s sad that most men take advantage of these traits. Photo | Pool“Marriage is a partnership and both parties need to give 100 percent. There is nothing wrong with being a wife material but it’s sad that most men take advantage of these traits. A few weeks ago, I met a man in church who told me that he expects his wife to pick his bags immediately he gets into the house. I asked him “there is nothing wrong with that, but what if your wife arrives earlier, will you do the same to her?”. He kept quiet. I believe both parties need to treat each other well. While the bible depicts the ideal woman, the big challenge is such a woman submitting to a man without a vision. I believe that a man and woman should be deliberate in making their marriage work without putting unnecessary pressure on either party. BY DAILY NATION
posted by Breaking Kenya news at 09:57 on 15 Oct 2022
"‘Wife material?’ Not me! Why women are now shunning this label"
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