[Image]I was talking to a friend who recently separated from his wife, and he mentioned that he feels as if he does not have a complete family. He is sharing custody of their four children with his wife.I could tell my friend was distraught.For slightly over two decades, he has been in what, to him, is a complete family. Now, he somewhat feels incomplete. After our conversation, I asked myself, “What’s a complete family?” I felt as if he was getting two realities muddled; a complete family and a two-parent family. To me, what he was bemoaning was the loss of a two-parent family.RELATEDJust a Man: I am not ashamed of my age; neither should youDN2 Aug 24[Image]Just a Man: Carry your beautiful horns with prideDN2 May 18[Image]Below are some of the deductions I arrived at.A complete family is one that has loveLove is the glue that holds a family together. If you are co-parenting or raising your kids alone, but your relationship with your children is loving, then you are complete.The opposite of love is indifference. If you are in a relationship where your partner serves you ample doses of indifference, you have to rethink the dynamics. If you are in a two-parent family that is toxic, then you are in a family that is not just incomplete but is broken to smithereens.A complete family is one that has trustAre you turning and tossing in bed, wondering where your partner is? Are you worried about what they are up to? Do you have these lingering fears that your partner may cause you physical harm?If your answer to any of the above questions is yes, then you’re merely in a two-parent family. That’s not a complete family. Trust is the currency of a loving relationship. If you cannot trust the person you are with, then you’ve been sold a big fat lie.A complete family is one without abuseDo not stay in an abusive relationship for whatever reason. Do not stay because you don’t want people to think your marriage failed. And do not stay because you believe that a complete family is a two-parent one.If you are being abused in any way, and you decide to stay for the sake of your children, or for some other reason, know that yours is an “incomplete” family.A complete family is one with mutual respectIf you ask men, they will tell you they would rather their partner respect them than love them. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But the way out of his heart is through the one dish he can’t stomach: disrespect. But, in a relationship, respect should be mutual.Respect does not mean worshipping the other person. It means treating them with utmost dignity at all times. It means recognising and honouring their position in the relationship.A complete family is one that lets you breathIf you constantly feel suffocated, or you have walked on eggshells when with your partner, then that’s as incomplete as it can get. You should let down your guard and hair when you are with your partner. I know of men who feel free and let down their guard when they are with their children and dogs. To me, that’s a complete family.A complete family is one that celebrates youWhen life beats you to a pulp, a complete family will celebrate you. They will not join in the lynching. If you feel like you are being tolerated, then you are merely a dispensable cog in that two-parent family. The problem with looking for another human to complete you, or your relationship, is that nobody ever will. You came into this completely. Your partner can only complement you. BY DAILY NATION
posted by Breaking Kenya news at 10:45 on 7 Dec 2022
"Here’s the difference between a complete family and a two-parent-family"
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