After the long, cold winter the sun comes longer. The grass appears and the rains fall. The Father's perfect cycle. I think about things you know? How in the winter little dissipates except for the food storage. Things accumulate. Snow, pet poo in the yard, people's frustration, and fat. Then when you think that there will be no about-face the sun shines bright and all is revealed as the dingy, of-white snow melts off.
Then comes my favorite part. The warmth! Out go the carpets to shake and open go the windows. Air that was stuffy and stale turns fresh and sweet. The buds on the trees and the green grass give an aroma for spring that no one has yet to reproduce. Let's give The Creator some praise!
And that freshness! I feel it sometimes when I take to noticing.
After a time of wrestling and stubbornness. After a lack of reading God's Word and meeting with other believers. I become that stale air that makes you breath short and leaves your head spinning a bit.
Oh The freshness....The lace curtains in my heart blow with the spirit's breath bringing waves of hope and joy. Peace in my heart is ruffled like the papers left on the sill. And the whole space of my self becomes refreshed.
That is probably what happened to Thomas. (John 24) It wasn't that he was doubting on purpose. The disciples all gathered together in the upper room. Off alone with doors locked.(vs19) Secluding themselves from the world. Maybe at this point they are feeling understandably foolish?...
I wonder what drew Thomas away. Did he feel to busy to wait? Did he just want to think about something else and move on? Maybe it wasn't doubt that drew him away. Maybe it was hurting and loneliness of heart? Rejection? I couldn't imagine after knowing Jesus like I do now, having His relationship taken from me. Then knowing that only in death would I be with Him again. How discouraging the thought of life would be! At this point Thomas didn't know that the Holy Spirit would be given to keep the connection alive. Just thinking....
I know I act out of my hurts too often. Not trusting my maker to work out the details of my days, I respond with fleeing and seclusion. Maybe Thomas and I had more in common than just doubt. I am just thinking....
The saddest part is that whatever made him to separate himself from his eternal peeps made him to miss out on the greatest blessing.
The Fresh breath. The eupnoea that came from God alone. (vs.22)
This is the greatest of Thomas' news! That Jesus love for Thomas went beyond Thomas. This is why I think it wasn't just doubt. I think Jesus knew that Thomas was responding in doubt, but the root of it was his broken heart. How many times...I wonder...have I missed out on a great blessing because I secluded myself from others. Like a wounded animal retreating in private to lick my bleeding, injured self. Self-pity is a very deceiving friend. It seems so innocent, but takes so much. I am sure I have missed out on those sweet breezes that stir and refresh the back corners of my heart, because I have said yes to that evil invitation.
Even the attic needs airing in the spring.
If you are in a soul winter hold on, dear friend, spring is coming.
If you are in a soul spring, hold on, dear friend, rejoice!
You know the way of seasons.
To every season there is a time...
"Eupnoea"
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