so those of you who know me know that i take a sort of perverse pleasure from screwing with people's heads. some might go so far as to call me "antisocial." those who know me better would correct them -- while the root remains the same, "sociopathic" is a better description...
what does this have to do with anything? well, i think i've got a great new "drinking game" that gives a perfect mix between drinking and antagonizing fellow humans. i got the idea from my friend matt's character in the movie Pub...in it, matt's character is on a quest for a drink, the contents of which are unknown. the bartender tries and tries to get it right. in the end, she gets it. but it takes awhile. so my drinking game plays off of that idea. the basic premise is simple...make up a word or phrase that could sound like a drink but isn't, then order it. sounds boring, yes, but it's harder that it sounds. and it's the scoring system that makes it fun...
some tips...first off, order it from a waiter or waitress who is not the bartender. if you order it right from the bartender, you only frustrate one person. if you order it from a waitperson, then they get to get pissed off at the bartender when it is the bartender's obvious ineptitude that is preventing the waitperson from delivering you your drink. naturally, this decreases their tip.
hopefully, you'll be within viewable distance of the bartender-waitstaff interaction. it's important for the scoring.
you get 10 points per person who is asked if they know how to make your drink until they come back to ask you. so if the waitress immediately says, "what goes into that?", that's no points. if, however, she places the order, that's two people -- her and the bartender -- so 20 points. if the bartender looks confused, you can go ahead and make assumptions when he talks to the other bartender and she shrugs. so 30 points. and so on.
20 points for each person who is not your waiter or waitress who comes over to ask what goes into your drink.
you get 25 points if someone pulls out a handbook or looks it up on a computer.
there's another 25 points in it if they come back to ask what's in it, and you say, "any good bartender should know," and send them back without any further clarification.
bonus 50 if anyone else at your table blindly says, "that sounds good, i'll have one too" without having previously been let "in" on your little game.
you get 50 points if they comp you anything in apology for either not knowing or messing up your drink.
you get 100 points if they bring you a drink without ever asking what goes in it. but there's a caveat...you have to go home and search the web to make sure it isn't a real drink. if it is a real drink, you have to send me five bucks to trackzero at track - zero . com.
for bonus confusion, try these tips:
specify a particular brand of a type of alcohol, which makes them think, "oh, it's a [vodka | gin | tequilla] drink."
feel free to say, "no salt" or request "extra" olives or lime or some other garnish. this just makes them less likely to ask for clarification on the rest of the ingredients.
find a way to get two groups of people at two separate tables covered by the same waitperson. arrange for someone in each party to order the same fictional drink from the same waitperson.
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