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Shots Fired at Montana Man Mistaken for Bigfoot
December 18, 2018


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[Editor's Note: Following is yet another example of why you can't fix stupid.]

A Montana man had a bizarre brush with death over the weekend when he caught the attention of a trigger-happy hunter who thought he was Bigfoot. The unnamed Helena resident reportedly phoned police yesterday to alert them to the strange incident which happened while he was getting ready to do some target shooting on Sunday. Much to his surprise, the man said, his afternoon of fun took a frightening turn when he suddenly realized that he was being shot at and quickly ducked for cover.

After the bullets stopped flying, the man emerged from his hiding place and managed to speak to the individual who had been shooting at him. According to the shooter, he had opened fire on the man because he "thought he was Bigfoot." The would-be Sasquatch slayer said he came to this conclusion in large part due to the fact that the man was not wearing any orange. Apparently the lack of protective gear and the man's bipedal nature was enough to convince the shooter that he had a once-in-a-lifetime chance to bag a Bigfoot.

Remarkably, the faux Sasquatch told authorities that he didn't bother to report the shooting until a day later because he didn't think it was a big enough deal to warrant an immediate call to the cops. His nonchalance about the whole thing was further revealed when he said that he didn't want to press any charges. In fact, he simply asked that police stop by the area to see if they could find the shooter and give the person a presumably stern lecture about gun safety.

[SOURCE: Coast 2 Coast AM.]

Roswell Gets Giant Alien Statue
November 30, 2018



Roswell, New Mexico's place in UFO lore is being celebrated in a big way via an enormous new alien statue that towers over the city. According to a local media report, the 22-foot-tall depiction of a green ET was installed on the city's Main Street earlier this week. The massive monument comes courtesy of a recently-opened Dunkin' Donuts / Baskin-Robbins that drew inspiration from Roswell's famous alien-themed McDonald's.

According to the company, the styrofoam statue was constructed over the course of four weeks at a total cost of $35,000. "We wanted to create a landmark," said a representative from the chain of coffee shops, "something that will stay here forever." Considering that the statue weighs a whopping 2,000 pounds, it's probably a safe bet that the muscular-looking ET is going to be a hanging around the city for quite some time.

Fortunately, that's not a problem for most of Roswell's residents, who expressed delight at the new addition to the community. "This is perfect," said Mayor Dennis Kintigh, "I mean, this is the brand for this city." That sentiment was echoed by one savvy Roswellian who observed, "this is what brings in money, tourism, so I think it's awesome." Having welcomed their 'alien overlord' into the city, now all that's left is to give it a name, which the company says will be up to the residents in a contest to be held later this year.

[SOURCEl Coast 2 Coast AM.]

'Alien' Sea Creature Washes Ashore in New Zealand
November 28, 2018


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A beachgoer collecting trash that had washed ashore following a storm in New Zealand was bewildered when she picked up a piece of debris that turned to be the remains of a monstrous-looking creature. According to a local newspaper, Hanna Mary made the strange discovery as she and her mother were cleaning up around an area known as Rakaia Huts. Their good deed took a ghastly turn, however, when Mary removed what she thought was plastic stuck in some sticks and soon realized that it was something far more bizarre.

"My first thought was that it was something alien," she said, "but I was more fascinated than anything." In a testament to her curiosity, Mary decided to take the odd creature with a menacing mouth and frightening claws home with her, despite initially being concerned that it could be poisonous. After her taxidermist friend could not identify the creature, Mary posted pictures of the 'sea monster' to her Facebook page to see if her online circle of friends could solve the mystery.

Fortunately, a scientist with New Zealand's National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research was able to provide an answer. Dr. Malcolm Francis revealed that the creature is, in fact, a New Zealand rough skate which he likened to a flat shark as it "has a skeleton made out of cartilage." Shedding light on the animal's unique appearance, he explained that its leg-like appendages are actually claspers used in mating. As to how it wound up on the beach, Francis theorized that it was caught by a fisherman and subsequently tossed back into the water.

[SOURCE: Coast 2 Coast AM.]

Missionary Killed by Island Tribe
November 21, 2018


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An American man hoping to teach the Word of God to a tribe of people living on an Indian island cut off from the outside world wound up paying a gruesome price for his ill-advised missionary work. John Allen Chau reportedly journeyed to India earlier this month posing as a tourist, but outraged officials in the country say that this was no mere sightseeing trip. On the contrary, the young man's plan was to travel to North Sentinel Island, which is home to an isolated tribe of around two dozen people, whom he wished to convert to Christianity.

It appears that his initial mission was successful as, thanks to some help from a handful of local fishermen, he was able to reach North Sentinel Island by canoe late last week. When he arrived, however, it seems that the Sentinelese people were not too keen on breaking bread with the young man nor learning about his religion. Instead, they swiftly shot Chau with a barrage of arrows, smashed his boat, and ultimately killed him.

The island and its people are protected by the Indian government, who fear that the tribe could fall ill if they were exposed to 'foreign' germs and, as we have learned in this particular case, because the group is extremely hostile to outsiders. As such, while the Sentinelese will bear no responsibility for their role in Chau's demise, the fishermen who helped him reach the island are being charged with his death, since they had a hand in helping him with the deadly and highly illegal misadventure.

Meanwhile, Indian officials are left with a somewhat more pressing problem on their hands in that they are now trying to figure out how to recover Chau's body from what one would assume is an already 'trigger happy' tribe living on the island. Whether they will be able to pull off the tricky retrieval remains to be seen, but perhaps the most just method would be to send the fishermen who delivered the young man to his doom in the first place.

[SOURCE: Coast 2 Coast AM.]

Biohacker Injects Himself with 'Holy' DNA

December 20, 2018

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[Editor's Note: It's stories like this that make it easy to find material for this post.]

A French teenager with an interest in biohacking recently performed a rather strange experiment in which he injected himself with DNA derived from holy texts. In a paper detailing his weird work, Adrien Locatelli explained that he used an online translating tool to take the letters originally found in the Book of Genesis and switch them to the nucleotides found in DNA. He also performed the same swap with the 13th chapter of the Koran.

From there, Locatelli used the proverbial codes produced by the program to fabricate corresponding protein sequences and then actually inserted the substance into each of his thighs. By pulling off the daring experiment, the young man apparently made history by becoming the first person ever to be injected with DNA that contains a coded text. Fortunately for him, the procedure did not produce any dangerous side effects aside from some slight swelling in one of his legs which only lasted a few days.


That said, any hopes he may have had of acquiring some kind of God-like status from the procedure appear to have been dashed. Instead, Locatelli has largely become a laughingstock among mainstream scientists who saw the experiment as both foolish and possibly dangerous. One commentator succinctly summed up her feeling on the matter by musing that "this kind of avant-garde attitude and disregard for ethics towards science terrifies me that humanity’s end will be at the hands of an idiot."

[SOURCE: Coast 2 Coast AM.]