A great reworking of the Vader-Luke "I am your father" conversation from Empire Strikes Back. Graphical versions here: Page 1, Page 2. Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father. Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him! Darth Vader: No... I am your father! Luke: No! That's not true! That's impossible. Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true... Luke: NOOOOOOO! Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that protocol droid of yours? Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 9 years old... Luke: No... Darth Vader: Nine years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp... Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star! Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship! Luke: Well, it's not my fault... Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!" Luke: Shut up! Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights! Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon. Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open! Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby! Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it. Darth Vader: Go ahead and jump. I was wrong... You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine... Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him. Darth Vader: And get a haircut! (HT: Mad Latinist via email).
"Vader to Luke: "By the time I was your age...""
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