Post a Comment On: The Dreamcast Junkyard

[Image]You may have heard about this morning's 'terror' raids in Manchester, Liverpool and Birmingham. Apparently, according to the (suspiciously omnipresent and all knowing) BBC News, over 500 police officers raided several properties thought to be inhabited by individuals associated with terrorist activity 'overseas' (or 'Iraq,' as it's more commonly known). What I didn't know, however, was that one of these houses was across the fucking road from me, so imagine my suprise when I returned home earlier to discover an entire studio's worth of news vans, camera crews and Z list news presenters milling about. For a moment I thought I spotted Eamon Holmes conducting an interview with some gormless old sea-hag, but was dissappointed to discover that it was infact Zippo's Circus putting up a Big Top at the end of the street. The greedy cunt.

Anyhow, this got me thinking. 'Terror,' apart from being Mr Bush's favourite catchphrase at the moment, is quite ubiquitous. People, we live in an age of fear: but fear not! There are several Dreamcast based organisations at hand to save us from our News of the World created oppressors!

Lets have a look at them and their capability to keep us and our 'democracy' safe...

[Image]Rainbow
OK, not a solely Dreamcast related organisation, but Rainbow appeared in no less than two titles for our favourite great white hope. Taking control of a team of crack counter terrorist agents, it was up to you to infiltrate various real world locales such as museums, schools and office buildings in total silence and take out any 'tangoes' who happened to be stupid enough to wander into your line of fire. The two DC versions are very much a mixed bag in terms of graphics, sound and pretty much everything really. The first game, Rainbow Six, featured pretty basic graphics and some shockingly bad texture mapping but overall was quite playable. The second Dreamcast outing for Rainbow was in the follow-up, Rogue Spear and that added keyboard and mouse compatibility and slightly better visuals but also threw in a wierd 'flickery' screen. Hard to explain, but when you play 'em both you'll see what I mean.

[Image]A Plane
[Image]Interforce
More of a privatley funded venture than the NATO controlled Rainbow, Interforce is still primarily an anti-terrorist outfit. If you're still not completely sure who Interforce are - one word: Outtrigger. Or is that two words? Whatever. Outtrigger is a top little arcade game with all the usual bells and whistles attached to the genre: gameplay about as deep as a muller fruit corner, garishly vibrant graphics and arenas the size of a postage stamp. But that's not to detract from Outtrigger - indeed, it's a really good game and deathmatch fans would be encouraged to seek it out.

[Image]Ouch
[Image]John Mullins
Not really an organisation in the traditional sense, John Mullins is the real life one man army featured in Soldier of Fortune. Regular visitors to the 'Yard will already know my opinions on SoF (not favourable), but Mr Mullins is still fighting the good fight against a seemingly infinate number of balaclava clad hoodlums intent on world domination. The fact that Mullins looks like an outcast from the Village People fades into insignificance when he's got an arsenal of weapons as impressive as displayed here. Shotguns, Desert Eagles and M16s are all perfectly acceptable methods of diverting moustache jokes too.

[Image]erm...
[Image]CMF
Hmmm, not much can be said about the CMF. Or Confidential Mission Force, for those of you not on the 'need to know' list. They're out to stop an evil scientist (replete with evil eye-patch (it must be a nightmare looking through a microscope)) taking over the world which is very commendable and all, and also feature in the other PAL lightgun game - Confidential Mission...but that's about it. Oh and one of them is called Howard. But sadly, it's not the girl.

[Image]Typical. Highlight the black guy.

*********INTER(CONFIDENTIAL)MISSION*********

[Image]I'm thinking of going to watch The Da Vinci Code this week because I thought the book was a great read. Airport fiction it may well be, but a good read nonetheless. An observation I have made though, is that many people are saying the film is a pile of shite. When asked if they have read the book, the answer is invariably "no." FUCKING CRETINS. If I hear one more pompous twat on the bus going on about how it's all made up and totally inaccurate, I swear I'll punch the fucker in the eye. Then jump on his throat. Then drag his asphyxiated corpse to WH Smith and point out that the Da Vinci Code is, has and always will be sold in the FICTION department...BECAUSE IT'S FICTION and has never been marketed otherwise!!!

Just had to get that off my chest. Next Week - how to dodge taxes and get away with it! The Dreamcast Junkyard: better than Capone. Ahem.