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Blogger Amanda said...

I agree! I think this is an excellent one, jayarava! I know this sounds horribly simplistic but do you think that 'empathy' IS 'love', really, in a way? Because that's what it feels like to me, kind of. Total empathy for someone feels like total love, and vice versa. Or am I being too simplistic?

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Blogger Jayarava said...

Hi Amanda

I suppose you could say that empathy is love. But love can be a vague term, it all depends what you mean by love, and I'd prefer to be little more precise. Empathy, and sympathy mean 'feeling in' and 'feeling with'. The former was coined in the 20th century by an art critic! But they both point towards being able to experience the emotional state of another.

Apparently we all have this ability to mirror other people's body language and facial expressions, and this tends to induce that same emotional state in us. A bit like a piece of music or art might do the same kind of thing. One of the wonderful moments in human communication is when the 'other' gives expression to what we are feeling without us having to say - but this can be rare. It suggests though that empathy is not an abstract quality but only experienced in relationship with another.

So to me the thing is to put oneself in the place of another. A mother will know what her child is feeling, for instance, and so love and empathy coincide. But they don't always... sometimes, for instance, we love most what we project out, not what comes in from others. Sometimes we cannot love what we experience in another, however much we feel that same emotion - with someone who is angry for instance we may feel that anger but be repulsed by it.

In the Bodhicaryāvatāra Śantideva describes a practice called "exchanging self for other" which appears to be a development from mettā-bhāvanā and related to the Tibetan tonglen practice. All of these are other regarding and aimed at developing our empathetic faculty.

Best wishes
Jayarava

Monday, September 07, 2009

Blogger Amanda said...

Fascinating - thanks very much, lots of food for thought there! And also I think one of my biggest frustrations in life comes from feeling great empathy but not having a clue how to express it - being clumsy at the actual process of 'giving expression' to the other person's state of being, even though I may be FEELING their state of being very intensely, in an empathetic (and/or sympathetic) way. It's like empathy has two components, one's own personal experience of it, and the skilful communication of it back to the other person. I wonder if the ability to experience empathy and the ability to effectively communicate it, are two different (although obviously related) skills, in a way? I don't know. Anyway this was a great thought provoking post, thanks!

Monday, September 07, 2009

Blogger Jayarava said...

Thanks Amanda. :-)

Monday, September 07, 2009

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