Post a Comment On: eMpTyV: Music Video Reviews

NEWEST REVIEWS

Nick Lachey - What's Left of Me (2006)
"Aside from having your actors constantly flash sorrowful looks off-camera, how do you show the dissolution of a marraige without words? Well, if you said, 'By resorting to something completely cheesy and ineffective like showing their belongings fading into nothingness,' you win the Grand Prize. Which is a date with Nick Lachey himself. Don't worry if you're kinda chunky or smelly or a guy, Nick's cranked up the knob to "Super Desperate," and he's ready for your lovin'." [read more]

Hawthorne Heights - Saying Sorry (2006)
"I can't hear the band name Hawthorne Heights without picturing a primetime soap-opera knockoff of "The O.C." where the parents are adulterous, the kids are into drugs, and one of the main characters gets killed off in the season finale. Instead, what we're in for here is a bunch of dudes in nurse costumes, standing on fake clouds and playing music Billboard.com describes as "post-hardcore/emo-pop." To those of us in our late twenties, it's just a big, steaming pile of subpar Green Day, Blink 182, Third Eye Blind and Foo Fighters poop." [read more]

The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car) (2006)"When I saw goober-looking lead singer Isaac Slade's adult face dissolve into the very similar visage of a little uniformed schoolboy, I thought I'd be in for another music video rendering of the outcast emerging triumphant. Imagine my surprise when this kid seemed to get along with his peers, who didn't even make fun of him for religiously studying sheet music for his piano recital. It's almost as if this video is saying that, if you study hard enough and are tenacious with your dreams, you'll amount to something. What the hell has happened to MTV?" [read more]

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eMpTyV EXTRAS

Total Request Live Episode Review - 03.20.06
"TRL, in its ninth or so year on the air, with Carson Daly long having since flown the coop, is every bit the rehearsed-hip, screaming teenybopper, braindead commercial plugfest it ever was. The MTV people have this phony-ass, self-serving shit down to a science..." [read more]

2006 Grammy Awards - Hours Two Through Four - 02.09.06
"Best Pop Vocal goes to Kelly Clarkson, who thanks Jesus and God but not Simon Cowell, the third member of the Holy Trinity. Clarkson does give a shout-out to Bonnie Raitt, who is then seen in reaction shot sporting a shit-eating grin on her face like, "Yeah, thanks, I'm here because I have songwriting and musicianship skills. You owe your career to a reality TV show on the fucking Fox network." [read more]

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RATING SCALE

**** = John
*** = Paul
** = George
* = Ringo
zero = Yoko
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REVIEWS BY ANDREW HICKS

2Pac - I Get Around (1993) ***1/2
50 Cent - Candy Shop (2005) *1/2
50 Cent - Window Shopper (2005) *1/2
Gregory Abbott - Shake You Down (1987) **
Trace Adkins - Honky Tonk Badonkadonk (2005) *1/2
Clay Aiken - Invisible (2004) *
All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret (2005) **1/2
All-American Rejects - Move Along (2006) **1/2
Fiona Apple - O' Sailor (2005) **
India Arie - I Am Not My Hair (2006) **
Armor For Sleep - The Truth About Heaven (2005) **1/2
Az Yet - Hard to Say I'm Sorry (1997) **
B5 - U Got Me (2005) *1/2
David Banner - Play (2005) **1/2
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten (2005) **1/2
Beastie Boys - Root Down (1995) ***
Black Eyed Peas - Don’t Lie (2005) ***
Black Eyed Peas - It's Like That (2006) **1/2
Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (2005) *1/2
Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo (2005) **1/2
James Blunt - You’re Beautiful (2005) **1/2
Bon Jovi - Have a Nice Day (2005) *1/2
Boyz II Men - Thank You (1995) **1/2
Marc Broussard - Home (2005) ***
Chris Brown - Yo (Excuse Me Miss) (2006) *1/2
Busta Rhymes - I Love My Chick (2006) **
Mariah Carey - Say Somethin' (2006) **
The Carpenters - Close to You (1971) *
Cee-Lo - I'll Be Around (2004) ***
Chamillionaire - Ridin' (2006) **1/2
Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time (1989) **
Cody Chesnutt - Look Good in Leather (2002) **
Kelly Clarkson - Because of You (2005) *
Click Five - Just the Girl (2005) *1/2
Coldplay - Fix You (2005) **
Keyshia Cole - Love (2006) *1/2
Phil Collins - Another Day in Paradise (1990) **
Phil Collins - I Wish It Would Rain Down (1990) **1/2
Sheryl Crow - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) **
Jamie Cullum - Get Your Way (2005) **1/2
Billy Currington - Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right (2005) **
D'Angelo - Lady (remix) (1996) **1/2
Terence Trent D’Arby - Wishing Well (1988) **
Da Back Wudz - I Don't Like the Look of It (2006) *1/2
De La Soul - Ego Trippin' Pt. 2 (1993) ***
DHT - Listen to Your Heart (2005) *1/2
Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice (2006) *1/2
DMC - Just Like Me (2005) **
Dream Academy - Life in a Northern Town (1986) **1/2
Hilary Duff - Wake Up (2005) *1/2
Missy Elliott - Lose Control (2005) ***
Eminem - When I'm Gone (2005) **
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life (2003) *1/2
Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance (2005) **
Fat Joe - So Much More (2005) **
Field Mob - So What (2006) **
Foo Fighters - Best of You (2005) **1/2
Fort Minor - Where'd You Go (2006) **
The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car) (2006) **1/2
From Satellite - A Hundred Days (2005) **
The Game and 50 Cent - Hate It or Love It (2005) ***
Genesis - Invisible Touch (1986) *1/2
Gnarls Barkley - Crazy (2006) ***1/2
Go West - King of Wishful Thinking (1990) *1/2
Good Charlotte - Hold On (2004) **
Green Day - Holiday (2005) ***
Anthony Hamilton - Can't Let Go (2005) ***
Jan Hammer - "Miami Vice" Theme (1985) *
Hawthorne Heights - Saying Sorry (2006) *1/2
HiM - Wings of a Butterfly (2005) ***
House of Pain - Jump Around (1992) ***
Alan Jackson - The Talkin’ Song Repair Blues (2004) ***
Janet Jackson - Got Til It's Gone (1997) ***1/2
Janet Jackson - When I Think of You (1986) ***
Michael Jackson - Another Part of Me (1988) **
Leela James - Music (2005) ***1/2
Jay-Z - Hard Knock Life (1998) **1/2
JD and Jay-Z - Money Ain’t a Thang (1998) ***
Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl (2003) ***
The Jets - Crush on You (1986) *
Jewel - Again and Again (2006) *1/2
Jack Johnson - Upside Down (2006) **
Howard Jones - Everlasting Love (1989) *
Mike Jones - Still Tippin’ (2004) **
Junior Senior - Move Your Feet (2003) ***
Juvenile - Slow Motion (2004) **
Toby Keith - Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (2002) zero stars
R. Kelly - Ignition (2004) ***
R. Kelly - Playa’s Only (2005) **1/2
Alicia Keys - Unbreakable (2005) ***
Korn - Twisted Transistor (2005) ***
Nick Lachey - What's Left of Me (2006) *1/2
Brie Larson - She Said (2005) *1/2
The Lemonheads - It's a Shame About Ray (1992) **1/2
L.L. Cool J - Control Myself (2006) **
Lindsay Lohan - Confessions of a Broken Heart (2005) *1/2
Ludacris - Number One Spot/The Potion (2005) **1/2
Madonna - Die Another Day (2002) ***
Madonna - Sorry (2006) **
Makaveli - Hail Mary (1997) **1/2
Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved (2004) **1/2
Ricky Martin - I Don’t Care (2005) *1/2
Michard Marx - Satisfied (1989) *1/2
Matisyahu - King Without a Crown (2005) **1/2
Mazzy Star - Fade Into You (1994) ***
George Michael - Father Figure (1988) **1/2
Kylie Minogue - Come Into My World (2002) ****
Alanis Morissette - Crazy (2005) **
My Chemical Romance - Ghost of You (2005) **1/2
Mya - Fallen (2004) **
Nappy Roots - Po' Folks (2002) ***
Nas - One Mic ***1/2
Me’Shell Ndege’Ocello - Pocketbook (2002) **1/2
Nelly - Grillz (2005) *1/2
Juice Newton - Queen of Hearts (1981) *
Nine Inch Nails - Only (2005) ***
Notorious B.I.G. - Warning (1995) ***
Outkast - Land of a Million Drums (2002) ***
Robert Palmer - I Didn't Mean To Turn You On (1986) **
Panic! At the Disco - I Write Sins, Not Tragedies (2006) ***
Sean Paul - We Be Burnin’ (2005) **
Tom Petty - It's Good To Be King (1995) ***
Pink - Stupid Girls (2006) **1/2
Poison - Something to Believe In (1990) **1/2
Pussycat Dolls - Buttons (2006) **1/2
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California (2006) (2006) ***
Reliant K - Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been (2005) **
The Rembrandts - I’ll Be There For You (1995) *1/2
Rihanna - Pon de Replay (2005) **1/2
The Roots - Next Movement (1999) ***1/2
Santana featuring Steven Tyler - Just Feel Better (2005) *1/2
Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Dancing (1976) zero stars
Smash Mouth - Story of My Life (2006) **1/2
Will Smith - Switch (2005) **1/2
Snoop Dogg and Pharrell - Drop It Like It’s Hot (2004) ***
Soundgarden - Spoonman (1994) ***
Britney Spears - Do Somethin’ (2005) *1/2
Britney Spears - My Prerogative (2005) **1/2
The Specials - Ghost Town (1981) ***
Starship - Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now (1987) *
Gwen Stefani and Eve - Rich Girl (2005) **1/2
Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For? (2004) ***
Stray Cats - Sexy and 17 (1983) **1/2
Stryper - Soldiers Under Command (1985) *
Sublime - Date Rape (1992) ***
Switchfoot - Stars(2005) **
The System - Don’t Disturb This Groove (1987) *1/2
T-Pain - I'm in Love With a Stripper (2006) *1/2
Talking Heads - Wild Wild Life (1986) ***
Technotronic - Pump Up the Jam (1989) *
Temple of the Dog - Hunger Strike (1992) **1/2
Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina (1989) **1/2
Toto - Hold the Line (1978) *1/2
Trick Daddy - Sugar (Gimme Some) (2005) ***
KT Tunstall - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree (2006) **1/2
Van Halen - Right Now (1992) **1/2
Suzanne Vega - Luka (1987) **1/2
The Veronicas - 4ever (2005) **1/2
War - Why Can’t We Be Friends (1975) **1/2
Kanye West - Heard 'em Say (B+W Version) (2005) ***1/2
Kanye West - Jesus Walks (2004) ***
Kanye West - Touch the Sky (2006) ***
White Stripes - Hardest Button to Button (2003) ***1/2
White Zombie - More Human Than Human (1995) ***
Saul Williams - Black Stacey (2004) ***
Vanessa Williams - Colors of the Wind (1995) zero stars
Mark Wills - Back at One (1999) **
Wreckx-N-Effect - Rump Shaker (1992) *1/2
XTC - Dear God (1987) ***
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Like a Surgeon (1985) ***
Yellowcard - Lights and Sounds (2005) *1/2
Yellowcard - Rough Landing, Holly (2005) ***
Rob Zombie - Foxy, Foxy (2006) **1/2

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REVIEWS BY LEON BRACEY

Amerie - 1 Thing (2005) ****
Bubba Sparxxx featuring Ying Yang Twins - Ms. New Booty (2006) ***1/2
R. Kelly - Trapped in the Closet, Parts 1-5 (2005) **
Khia - My Neck, My Back (2002) *
Madonna - Hung Up (2005) **
Pretty Ricky - Your Body (2005) *
Sean Paul - Temperature (2005) ****
Trina - Here We Go (2005) **1/2

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ANDREW'S ARCHIVE REVIEWS BY YEAR

2001
2000
1999
1998
1996
1994