Post a Comment On: eMpTyV: Music Video Reviews

*1/2 (of four)

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I already wrote a review for BEP's "Don't Lie" video that began, "It's been fascinating to watch the Black Eyed Peas complete every step of the selling-out process." I stand corrected - these guys didn't sell out all the way until their most recent video, "My Humps." This is their first single that features vocals almost exclusively from Fergie, the ex-child star who joined up with the Peas two albums ago and poised them to become TRL stars.

When I first got to like Black Eyed Peas, it was a hip-hop act with three distinct male rappers. Now the three guys are standing in the background wearing shiny suits and identical smug grins while Fergie The Child Star delivers her version of "My Neck, My Back." Or "Milkshake." Or "Hollaback Girl." Or "Gossip Folks." They're all damn near the same song, girl-empowerment sex anthems with nursery rhyme singalong choruses.

This one goes, "My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps, my lovely lady lumps, my lovely lady lumps, my lovely lady lumps, my lovely lady lumps, my lovely lady lumps, my lovely lady lumps, from the back to the front." Her hump is her ass, the lovely lady lumps are her ass cheeks, and they drive the men wild. Make them spend all their money and time on someone who eerily looks like a young, slightly more ethnic Kirstie Alley.

The entire video takes place on a gray-backdrop soundstage, where Fergie rubs her ass and dances with a quartet of booty girls. (The fairly elaborate choreography - for a BEP video anyway - comes courtesy of co-director Fatima Robinson.) There are Dolce Gabana bags and closeups of jewel-encrusted bracelets and fancy fucking cars. And a couple male extras in wife beaters and boxers, standing around basically.

Tacky, stupid shit this is, on the sixth-grade level and actually far more dirty than you might think. Fergie uses the word "ass" several times, and one of the male rappers asks her, "Whatchu gonna do with all that breast? All that breast inside your shirt?" There's a bit about mixing the guy's milk with the girl's "cocoa puff," too. We're just teaching our young girls more and more to be whores and whores - giving away their bodies so guys will buy them shit and pay attention to them - in our increasingly insane culture. I'm only half-complaining about this.

Head to the Talkin' Videos site for more hilarious, biased commentary on the video for "My Humps."

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