| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Occupation | Jack of all trades. Master of none. |
| Location | The Trilobite Capital of the World, United States |
| Introduction | What about me, bitch? |
| Interests | All of the finer things that grain products bring to the world. Schlitz, oatmeal, bread, pretzels... I like my pets black and white, my news on paper, and my bikes built in the good ol' U.S. of A. |
| Favorite Movies | (They haven't made a decent movie in almost 20 years!) |
| Favorite Music | I Can't tell you. It might ruin my crotchety image. |
