Dale Rooster
Blogs I follow
| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Industry | Agriculture |
| Occupation | President of a small country |
| Location | A small one, Somewhere in Africa, United States |
| Introduction | I'm your typical Texan asshole who believes in cheap sex and obsessive violence in order to appease the precipitously pious whims of fickle gods who have the audacity to shoot babies like Christ from the loins of drunk hookers. In my free time I read the Bible and eat cheese puffs while enlightening this godless, sodomite world with my several anonymous blogs spanning the furthest possibilities of the virtual world, expanding into each soiled crevice of cyberspace. When I'm not watching Miami Vice reruns or counting the surprising spots of purple that appear every now and then on my genitals, I enjoy the tasty, comforting can of Fresca with a splash of vodka before I leave for work--usually at 5:00 am--but never earlier. |
| Interests | Poetry, Discovering the difference between work and play on the internet, Photography, Camping, and Jameson on the rocks |
| Favorite Movies | Oh, my goodness! Well, I would just die to meet Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean, she is, like, so awesome. But really, if I had to be anyone on "Sex and the City, " I would choose to be Charlotte York (played by the adorable Kristen Davis) because she is just SO beautiful. She reminds me of my aunt Clare, who used to be really pretty, just like Charlotte. She was a model in New York and married a banker on Wall Street. Unfortunately, seven months into their marriage, she caught him, red-handed, cheating on her with Mrs. Utah. Then my aunt hanged herself with the left-over umbilical cord cut from an illegal late-term abortion. It was really sad. But you know, life goes on. I would still just simply DIE to meet Sarah Jessica Parker. |
| Favorite Music | I enjoy watching baseball games on Sunday nights with people who have no fucking idea how to speak English. I also like to go on a healthful hike every now and then, preferably ones conducive to my poor heart condition, with which I was diagnosed in my later 20s after sipping an Aster-smelling tea with a big, black bloke from Sydney. His name was Chip Davis. Nice fellow. Wore a cowboy hat. Had amazingly large teeth, like a mouth filled with brand new poker chips bleached white and shiny. He got into nude internet wrestling when he returned to the Outback (as he used to call it). Several years later I saw him in a fairly entertaining movie with lots of pigs and naked Aussi ranchers. My heart started to act up, though. Goddamn heart. Thought I was about to fall over straight dead when my pipe started steaming, just lookin' at that Chip go after them pigs like a boy in a whore house. I had to leave the theater cause of my damn heart. And I never saw Chip Davis again. Good old Chip. Poor boy. |
| Favorite Books | CANT READ. DON'T READ AND DON'T EVER PLAN ON READING. IT'S FOR LOSERS. THOSE WHO DO SHOULD GROW UP AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH THEIR LIVES. I abhor people in general, but mostly only the ones who use toilette paper rather than Kleenex to blow their filthy, godless noses on a regular basis. Jesus, what a bunch of stupid assholes. Other than that, I really enjoy bumper cars, wasting copious amounts of paper (hopefully enough to kill several trees in my lifetime), and people with vaginas (there aren't many of you out there, anymore. At least you know there's still one person on whose affection and affinity you can always count). (I also enjoy dogmatically using correct English grammar--such as the refusal to end a sentence with a preposition--even if such imperious implementation of correct syntax leads to a sentence's sounding as clear as a drunk hooker hoovering another's carpet on a late clam-jousting night. |