Doggy Style

Give Galileo A Hand

2009-11-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

Ninety-five years after he died, Galileo's body was moved from a storage place to a tomb in Santa Croce Basilica in Florence. During the move people managed to remove three fingers, a vertebra, and a tooth. The spineless thieves were never fingered, though one of the digits was recovered and is in the Museum of the History of Science in Florence while the vertebra is at the University of Padua. The tooth and other two fingers were, well, missing. Recently an 18th-century glass vase was bought at an auction and—lo and behold!—the thumb, finger, and tooth inside turned out to be Galileo's. They won't be dropped off the Leaning Tower of Pisa, they'll go on display at the Museum of the History of Science next spring. Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Figaro Magnifico-o-o-o-o!

Da Shroud of Turin Code

2009-11-20T09:11:00.000-08:00

In a new book, Vatican historian Barbara Frale says computer enhanced images of the Shroud of Turin show faintly written words in Greek, Latin, and Aramaic that prove it's Jesus' burial cloth, this in spite of the radiocarbon dating that found the shroud was made in the 13th or 14th century. Frale says the writing includes the name "Jesus Nazarene" in Greek, a partial word in Latin that reads "iber," more Greek that can be translated as "removed at the ninth hour," and the Aramaic phrase "Honk if you love the guy buried in this shroud."

The Mile High Plastic Surgery Club

2009-11-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

Having trouble cashing in your frequent flier miles because there are no seats left? Let them accrue and get a breast implant. Or a face lift. Or even hair replacement. You can do this with Finnair's Plus Loyalty program. Breast augmentation surgery at Nordstroem Hospital in Helsinki—you didn't think they were going to do this in-flight, did you?—will set you back 3.18 million points, which is 120 round-trip flights between Helsinki and New York. Pre-purchase consultation, warranty—seriously!—and in-flight headphones for the movie are extra.

Don't Ask About The Gerbil Suite

2009-11-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

Tired of the W? Looking for bigger and better hotel thrills? Head to Nantes, France, where you can sleep in the Hamster villa. Yes, for only 99 euros ($158) a night you can live like a hamster by having hamster chow for meals, running in a giant wheel, and sleeping in hay stacks. Why? According to owner Yann Falquerho, who dressed as a hamster for the interview with Reuters, "Often, the adults who come here have wanted or did have hamsters when they were small." Or maybe they watched Hamsterdance a few too many times during their formative years.

Have You Got A Prescription For That Dessert?

2009-11-16T09:02:00.000-08:00

Student chefs at a culinary school in Colombia have created a "love dessert" made with passion fruit—which got its name because Catholic missionaries thought parts of the fruit had religious connotations, not because of any aphrodisiac qualities—whipped cream, chocolate, and Viagra. Yes, you need a prescription to order it. No, they don't make any promises. And no, they're not planning on making another version as a banana split.

Why You Should Have A Free-Range Mother

2009-11-13T09:33:00.000-08:00

When 27-year-old Sergey Gavrilov's mother refused to give him money for vodka, he did what any deranged Russian son would do—he hit her over the head with a brick, strangled her with an electric cord, put her body out on the balcony, and went on a two-day drinking and gambling binge. Soon after, he ran out of food so for the next month he made soup and pasta sauce using meat sliced from his mother's frozen body. He confessed to the crime, but explained that "I did not like the meat very much. It was too fatty. But I was so hungry, I had to eat it." He was given 14 years and three months in jail, slightly less than the 15 years the Russian criminal code dictates because, as the judge so sympathetically—or is that pathetically?—said, "He was not keen to eat the meat, he just was hungry." Besides, the closest Safeway was too far to stagger to.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The...CLICK

2009-11-12T11:55:00.000-08:00

According to the dating website BeautifulPeople.com, which only lets "beautiful people" join, the British are just about the ugliest people in the world. You see, when someone applies to become a member, they post a recent photo and fill out a personal profile. Then existing members of the opposite sex vote on whether to accept them or not. Swedish men are at the top with 65% of them being accepted, while 76% of Norwegian women are allowed to join. Nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries have been rejected, including seven out of eight British men and four out of five British women. Only Russian and Polish men have done worse. Apparently Photoshop doesn't have a strong market penetration in Britain, Russia and Poland.

Can I Have A Scoop Of Oat Bran Resveratrol Cookie Dough, Please?

2009-11-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

A professor of food chemistry at the University of Missouri-Columbia is trying to create ice cream that's good for you by adding fiber, antioxidants and probiotics. Ingolf Gruen admits that it will be important for the ice cream to also taste good, but is convinced that Flax Heathbar Omega-3 Crunch could be a hit.

Can You Grow One Without Hare?

2009-11-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

Researchers at the Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center's Institute for Regenerative Medicine have discovered the Holy Rabbit Grail—they've managed to create artificial bunny penises. They did this by taking a small piece of rabbit penis tissue and using it to grow cells in a lab dish. Then they seeded the cells onto a scaffold made of rabbit penis cartilage, watered it, and six weeks later—voila!—they had a new, working rabbit penis. While they may not be as lucky as rabbit's feet to us humans, they're much luckier for the rabbits that donated their cartilage.

Hit 'Em When They're Up, Hit 'Em When They're Down

2009-11-09T13:13:00.001-08:00

The Wall Street Journal reports that Reynolds American, the country's second-largest cigarette manufacturer, is in talks to buy Niconovum, a Swedish company that makes products to help people stop smoking. It's a concept. One akin to your local neighborhood heroin dealer opening a rehab clinic.

What's An Aging Doll To Do?

2009-11-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

You might remember that a few years back Barbie dumped Ken after 43 fun years together, then took up with an Australian boogie boarder named Blaine. Well it didn't work out —go figure—so they brought Ken back a year later. So what's Ken up to these days? He's a Palm Beach Sugar Daddy. Yes, that's what Mattel is calling their new doll: "Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken." He wears white pants and a patterned green blazer, has a George Hamilton tan and a coif that trumps Donald Trumps', and walks a little white dog. Mattel says the $81.99 doll got its name because the dog is named Sugar and Ken is the dog's "daddy." Uh huh. Sure. Right. They also say the doll, which is due out next April, is intended for adults. Can the Apocalypse be far behind?

Aren't All Dolls Homeless Before Someone Buys Them?

2009-11-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

Suppose you already have the coolest American Girl dolls. You know, like the African-American doll, American Indian doll, Jewish doll, and even the one that "lived" during the Great Depression. Well now you can get one from the Great Recession. Mattel has released Gwen Thompson, the first homeless doll. According to the pamphlet that comes with it, Gwen's father walked out on the family, her mother lost her job, and now she and Mom live in a car. Like most homeless people, she can be yours for only $95. Car, dirty clothes, and empty Starbucks cup to hold out to passersby are extra.

Men Aren't The Only Birdbrains With A Sensitive Side

2009-11-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

A professor at the University of Colorado claims magpies aren't just aggressive predators, but much like the modern human male in movies, they also have a compassionate side. He studied four of the birds and noticed that they feel grief and hold funeral gatherings for their fallen friends, even laying grass "wreaths" beside their bodies. Heckle and Jeckle refused comment for the story because they were in mourning.

Now That's A Presidential Dynasty

2009-11-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

BridgeAnne d'Avignon, a seventh-grader in Watsonville, California, created a family tree with the help of her 80-year-old grandfather that shows the genealogical relationship between all the U.S. presidents. It turns out that President Barack Obama is related to every other U.S. president except Martin Van Buren, each being traced back to John "Lackland" Plantagenet, a king of England and signer of the Magna Carta. She also discovered that Obama is her 11th cousin, that everyone in the world is related because we all trace back to a single 3.8-billion-year-old organism, and that creationists don't believe in evolution because they have yet to evolve.

Is Michael Jackson Really Paul McCartney?

2009-11-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

A video is circulating of a Larry King CNN Special on Michael Jackson that many people think includes several scenes in which Michael's ghostly spirit can be seen in the background. Even stranger, they say at least one of the scenes was cut out when the show was re-broadcast! Larry King and his crew say what people see is actually the shadow of a crew member. Others say it's further proof that Paul is dead. Who knows? After all, if Larry King can host a show when he's obviously been dead for years, anything is possible.

Cleans Your Soul As Well As Your Windows

2009-10-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

A study by researchers at Brigham Young University found that people in a room that had been sprayed with citrus-scented Windex were more virtuous than those in an unscented room, being more prone to split money evenly with other people, willing to volunteer their time, and apt to donate money to charity. They also could see out of their glasses better, had a craving for oranges, and grinned like Stepford Wives saying, "My windows have never been cleaner and streak-free! And I've never felt so uprightly moral!"

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep...Cheaply

2009-10-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

Wal-Mart quietly began selling coffins on its website last week. They offer 15 caskets and dozens of urns in prices ranging from $999 to $3,199. They ship within 48 hours and let you pay for your purchase over a period of 12 months with no interest. Assuming, of course, that you're around to finish paying. This comes on the heels of Costco, which has been selling coffins in select stores since 2004 and more recently started selling them online. The selection is similar but at Wal-Mart you don't have to buy a six-pack.

Redistribute Your Body's, Uh, Wealth

2009-10-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

For a woman who prefers breasts to thighs—and when it comes to their body, name one who doesn't?—a plastic surgeon in Miami is liposuctioning excess fat from a part of the body that has too much and using it to augment the breasts. Not only does it look more natural than implants and leave no scar or incision, it's environmentally correct because your fat is being recycled instead of being released into a landfill. Think of it as downsizing and upsizing at the same time.

Would You Like Fries With That Singed Sheep Head?

2009-10-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

The three McDonald's restaurants in Iceland are all closing this weekend, thanks to rising costs that meant they'd need to increase the price of a Big Mac by 20 percent, which would have made it the world's most expensive, costing a whopper—I mean, whopping—780 krona, or $6.36. The franchisees plan to reopen the stores under the name Metro. Maybe they should stick to traditional Icelandic favorites like cured shark, singed sheep heads, and laufabrauð (deep-fried bread). With special sauce, of course.

What The Well Dressed Paranoid Is Wearing This Flu Season

2009-10-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

A Japanese clothing manufacturer has released a men's suit impregnated with titanium dioxide, which the company says will break down and kill any swine flu—uh, H1N1—on the fabric in a matter of hours. Costing $590, the suit comes in four colors to match your face mask and, even though it eliminates 40% of the virus, won't do a damned thing to help flu paranoia.

When In Rome, Do As Berlusconi Does

2009-10-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi told CNN he governs Italy out of a sense of duty, not because he enjoys it. "I'm doing what I do with a sense of sacrifice," he said. "I don't really like it. Not at all." When asked about his supposed affair with 18-year-old aspiring model Noemi Letizia, he said the exact same thing.

Your Money Or Your Breasts

2009-10-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

When Miss California USA officials took Carrie Prejean's crown last June for belligerent behavior, lack of cooperation and contract breaches, or her opposition to same-sex marriage depending on which side you believe, it was disclosed that not only had Prejean had breast augmentation surgery so she could be competitive in the national pageant, but pageant officials had loaned her the money. Well now they're suing to get her to repay the $5,200 she borrowed for the implants. She's writing a tell-all book, they want the book's profits, and legal minds everywhere are wondering, Is it legal to repay a loan for fake breasts using counterfeit money? And if she doesn't pay up, can you garnishee her breast implants?

If Only Sushi Could Talk

2009-10-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

A researcher in the Department of Psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara reports that when a dead salmon he bought at a local market was put in an fMRI scanner and shown a photographs of humans displaying different emotions, the scan indicated parts of the fish's brain lit up. Proof the fish was still thinking? Or does it show that even salmon have a sole? According to study leader Craig Bennett, who had previously scanned a pumpkin and a dead bird to no avail, it simply shows how easy it is to get misleading results from an MRI. Maybe they should try the experiment with Richard Heene, Balloon Boy's father, and see if they discover any brain activity there.

Get An Energy Lift AND A Facelift

2009-10-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

Sure, Starbucks has come out with Via, an instant coffee they say is revolutionary and worthy of carrying their logo, but can it make you look younger? Heck no, but a new version of Nescafe released in Singapore might. New Nescafe 3 in 1 includes coffee, skimmed milk, and 200 mg of collagen, the protein cosmetic surgeons use to remove facial wrinkles and puff up the lips. Can Botox Coke and Special K with Silicone be far behind?

Hello, This Is Your Pill Bottle Speaking

2009-10-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

A company in Massachusetts is putting out pill bottle caps that call to remind you to take your pills. You set the time you're supposed to take it, then if the bottle isn't opened, the cap and a night light start blinking. A few minutes later they play music. If that doesn't work, the built-in cell phone calls the company's computer, which calls or sends a text message. The big question is, What ring tone do you use for your pill bottle? Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit? Something from Alanis Morrisette's Jagged Little Pill? Or Just Like a Pill by Pink?