The Writer

I have to leave soon

2009-07-07T23:33:00.001+05:30

The sun calls me, as it sets distant,
I seek no assurance of its return, its wish is its own
I seek no arrangements, I am now awake,, free of desires
I shall never be what I don’t wish to be
Its I now, the ‘ Us’ was destroyed when you put your wish over mine|
I held you as a flame to the wick
you burnt me, I am now no longer what I was
I give up on you , no longer are you dear
I was broken before, though at the hands of others
the knife this time is held by you
I can only bid my time
then run away from you, and rest beneath those trees
and watch the paddy grow
sitting alone, at the epitome of joy without you and your wishes

Seek no more

2009-07-07T23:32:00.001+05:30

I often bask in the thought
Is it that there is no self left in me
have I given it up to a mortal being who wants her way
Shall I now believe and know that my end has arrived.r
Should I give up all that I cherish for her,
And then look into the self, now an emptiness
What shall I now believe
Should I say that I gave up the freedom, and chose slavery
of the woman who wants her life to be complete
thereby causing destruction to me, to all that I stand for
Would it matter to her, if she knows her wants stand to destroy
To crush to dust the very basis of our togetherness
Should I now run away, leave her for ever
Would it matter to her? and if it did would it to me?
Some questions I ponder upon, and then I exclaim
I am the alpha and omega of my creation
I shall build what I wish and then destroy what I don’t
Someday I know the day shall come
I shall be gone, leave her to her wants and desires
I no more exist as ‘Her’ in my soul

In between

2009-07-03T17:47:00.001+05:30

All that remains must fade
Like the mist that shall covers the night fades
Vanishes , as it never was
And then we think, is this what it was meant to be
I beg to differ in this thought
Choices were made, all else given up
And then some of us gave up the self
Now when I walk among, all I see are the bodies
Soulless, bound to what the desires bind them
No escape
I eye the race I am among, I seem to be unmoved
These are not mine, nor do I wish
Want, think for or even about
I still walk here, the earth beneath the feet
Until I sleep alone, in it.

Talking in titles

2009-06-23T14:24:00.001+05:30

In white shall emerge, I of all known evil beings
look inside, what do you see, the hidden me
I am present when you do good, and do i exist when you do bad
Do you think to avoid my thought? do you feel me gnawing
At your soul, at your life, eating you inside out till I am all that remains
I am in the first light of dawn that you see
In the last streak of the sun, i the still of the dusk and twilight
I am that omnipresent one, I cannot be erased
I am not a thought you can forget, nor a nightmare you can wake up from
I am what you don't want me to be, yet I am what completes you
I shall consume you, in fear or in the respect of knowing me
I have patience, forever is just a moment for me
I have been there when you were born, when you smiled
Bidding my time, I have been there when you first took your steps
The first fright that you had , the first lover you kissed
I have been in your eyes, in your breath
I am in the joy, I am in the sorrow, In love and hate
I am your end and the beginnings of other
I am death, the stillness that none can match
You cannot embrace me at your will, nor can you hide from me
You have to come along at my calling
I am the alpha and the omega of destiny
Your time is coming, await me

Resting

2009-05-09T11:36:00.001+05:30

Hold my hand, run with me a while
On these open fields that have reminded me of you
The mist, the wind, all that is now solemn post your arrival
It kept your memories alive,of my hidden feelings and my unsaid
Lets sit by the brook, let me how the water glows
glowing golden, as the light falls on your hair
and listen to its mystic flow
making a sound that speaks of you, as it has spoken forever
Lets roam around the vast hills, float into the waterfall
watch the birds in formation, heading into the setting sun
let me smile once, let me smile knowing it
Let me Fade into the mist this time as you would
every night that I have dreamt.
come visit me on the soil that i lay beneath
watch the plants grow, see the flowers they bear for you
pick anyone and wear one
I will think I have lived forever then.

Adrift

2009-05-06T09:48:00.001+05:30

The darkness sees the light, follows it,
The water sees the earth, mixes with it
I saw my soul float adrift
wishing to dwell in someone’s light
The darkness had consumed me
The water washed away my feelings,
With only pain left,but it still had hope’s company
I knew I had to walk on and wait
The fire of my soul burnt bright in your thoughts
In the now of my existence all is reason
Your place exists, yet locked away
In the deepest corners of my existence
I wish to be you, I wish to know
What it feels to float on forever
Like a thought
Exist once as the fire of my soul

Renew

2009-05-05T00:21:00.001+05:30

Some old fires burn again, though ash, ever so bright
melt away the years of solitude that the mind has felt
It feels just as it has felt awaiting and contemplating how it should
the silence has been broken by another wave of silence.
I stand between these waves, which torments my willful exit
of the feelings and meanings that bound me, ball and chain
they call unto me again.
how could you know, hear me sing songs of loneliness
and speaking to your mirage in the heart of my soul
of all that has kept me awake, i blamed work, it was you
my self that was lost, long ago, has now returned
It stares me in the face, asks me some gravest of questions,
sarcastic at best;
Would it be you,is that you, are you the same, ?
the one i have dreamt of from the day our paths crossed!
or have I dreamt of you again,

Rinse, Repeat

2009-04-28T03:45:00.001+05:30

Lets part , go our ways, grow over ourselves
Find ways to evolve into the self, contained in the form called us
Bitten into by each other’s reality, existence and thoughts
Lets exit, you take the left i take the right
Maybe when we are alone we may know
Feel the summer heat, misery of its harshness|
Parch our throat and quench the thirst by our own hand
Let the hermit know that he is not the only one
Tell him he is among us common
See the evening sun set, stand alone, long for company
Maybe wish to hold a hand and see if it needs to be
If not then lets see more reality, and let go of the mockery
See the moon slip into the night sky
If you see me walk by , look at me and smile
Like two complete strangers who have known each other
And then if you feel that you need me, see if I need you as much
There will be no need to ask, we will know
We shall then meet again, same old place
You bring the food, I will carry the wine
Lets be surrounded by those, our friends and enemies we were among
And then lets eat and drink like we did last time, then,
In the same glass, pan and plate
Like this lets shampoo and cleanse our bond
Rinse, repeat

The way of the flesh.

2009-03-25T03:47:00.001+05:30

The lone desire calls out, its craving is flesh
nothing else should matter; speaks the mind
Nothing! what about those feelings, sentiments, values ?
They are for the sentient beings, for those who worry, think
Its not for us dear fair-weather friend,
Why then such distrust, why the doubt that I may be so?
Its not you I think about, it shall not matter either,
When the dawn breaks I shall be gone,
the marks I leave, shall remind you of me, the passion, the fire,
where skin met skin, when lust rode above all
and when I shall find more flesh, I shall fly
and come back to you when I shall be hungry again
So come to me, lets blaze in this union
and let us call it the union of flesh,
and be consumed, the fruit of lust that we carry

A nail of freedom

2009-03-25T03:30:00.004+05:30

beneath the white fluff, beyond the blues
higher than those fools foolishness, and darker than insanity
lies the world of my insanity, seldom known, often heard
much often desired by many to attain, I remain in what I was born with
total omnipotence, I exist in your minds, as a thorn to some,
a feather to some others, neither i care about, nor would i try to
these worlds are not mine to care about, nor are its beings
i can exist , lost in thoughts, full of me, awkward, all powerful
arrogance shall speak of me,
Anger shall be afraid to tread my path, agony shall fail to dominate me
death shall have be a heart full laugh, its not happiness, not anguish
no feelings, no emotions to touch or grapple me,
these balls and chains shall have no hold , nor shall i surrender to love
I hold my own ground, not out of valor, greed or compassion
I am me, and I shall be me, unconquered, unbreakable, untarnished
if you ask me what is freedom, I shall laugh
for I need not answer you, call me wrong, call me bad, evil or unworthy
your values and morals stay with you,
I forfeit carrying such waste, an eon ago.

Idle Run

2009-03-25T03:30:00.001+05:30

Shift to neutral, see if you feel the engine roar
without moving an inch, does it make you feel powerful
shift up and see if it makes you lose control, further on does it count now, do you still stay put, or does the world move back!
Just as much as the stooge on the window, does he see you
do you see him, does it matter, or did it ever
Feel the life without the false, let go want, desire, sentiment and emotion
what do you grasp now, and if you do, does it matter
I never would have imagined, little as much conceived
beneath the epidermis there lies a pinkness so pale
only when you salt them do you know
the truth of the falsehood of that capsule
and then you ask, if it makes sense, or do you make sense, sense
Sometimes it just is willful enough to run
on the wilds , of within, amongst the dangling tresses of the trees
of the snow fields of the now open mind
free of all hitches and bonds, beyond all called tolerance and patience
where you redefine you as you, what would you be, what makes you ‘You’
sometimes just start it and just let it be on Idle Run.

Tread to the barrier

2009-03-24T00:44:00.001+05:30

I often ask, strange as it may seem, an introspect
Looking into the aura, of the self, its so much a chasm
Like the earth opening up to swallow me whole, to be greater
To over cloud me, hide the self, project a handiwork, a faux
The barrier exists, It is the same principle
Made, fragile, seemingly immense, darker than the darkest heart
It serves one purpose, I advocates, abhors all I think
Makes me wonder if it should, and then some.
I often wonder, should it shatter, what demons it may unleash
Will it bend my will, make me fall, sting like a scorpion seething with fury
Shall it strike you like a snake, douse you in its venom,
Color you in the sins of the violent mind, violate your body
Torment your mind, make you beg for mercy, or strangle you with lust
Often these questions rise and fade, like waves, at tide
Maybe someday you shall be the victim, maybe it maybe me, maybe us
Until then I leave it to uncertainty.

Terra firma.

2009-03-10T17:09:00.001+05:30

Fade to yellow, and then to brown, rustle
Fly away, blown off, amongst the same pitiful crowd
Bolstering in the weirdest things, laughs the maple, now afloat in the air
Dying, and I shall smile at you dying,
For you all make me a happy mortal, while these die
The soil claims back her rightful fodder, these manure on two legs
That the earth spat out in sheer disgust,
What shall she deserve, post apocalypse
What thoughts did she harbor in her insane mind?
Why did she, who should have been, who shouldn’t
A mockery of her past acts
And she shall have to wait a while
Many eons from now the humans shall fade
Like the giants that walked the earth long ago
Now found in union and permanently dislodged
Lodged in clay,
Terra firma.

Of All the horses and the traders.

2009-03-04T15:39:00.001+05:30

The rice has weevil, muttered the village folk
The land lay barren, arid, crops dying
The ribs of the rotting corpses protrude, ooze a unbearable stench
Of the political system gone to the goons
Half the families raped, the other half plundered
By the collectors, magistrates, civic representatives and police
The rest dogged to death at dying corporate
Often the speakers and leaders invoke a fight, communal, lingual
Political, social , anti social
We have a lot of Mumbai, Gadchiroli, bengaluru
Of local dacoits, hand in glove with the politicians, and police
Only to rot and die and kill others in their useless pursuit
Of fame and money, they sleep with someone,
Abuse and then sleep there again
The system is nothing but a sack full of whores
Some elected through force, others win by ignorance
We criticize; a film made, a wrong portrait, a wrong relation
What have we given back, what have we; as “WE’ done
Nothing, I exclaim when I look within
The country called a mother by us,
Raped over and over by our shameless deeds
I only wish she turns numb, for her pain is not ours any more to share
There is only a twinkle in the eyes of the politician
It’s the chair resting on her , one leg through her heart
Like a stake, only this time the vampire killed the light.

Asylum

2009-02-11T03:18:00.001+05:30

Insanity creeps in, like rain into a well of sorts
Brine, like a nail in the head, left over from a bomb exploded long ago
Ghastly wails, in the pupils of the eye, each time it closes
Shivers down my spine
Lost morale, lost chances, changes left alone
Music to my ears, those wails
Wailing banshees,
My lust for such women, and only lust maybe
but its been me, all along
and shall forever lust,
Maybe for a Countess, an evil woman, from hell maybe
Bite into her soul in unison with me

The village Stiff

2008-12-19T21:29:00.001+05:30

Stillness
The cold blue frozen lakes
Wide and beyond
Like a beautiful dream
Where i can be found
Somewhere in my vivid memories
Thoughts
Some wanted memories
Haunted ones albeit
Drawing circles in the canvas of my mind
Casting a mystic image
How the winds bring back the times
For a moment brief, grief! stricken with sorrow
A heart that i knew , and i no longer possess
That lies dead beneath my feet
Dead finally and winter has arrived

VIBGYOR

2008-11-09T22:40:00.001+05:30

Amongst the shade of grey they say is colorful display
For which you must wait for the sun to arrive
and they say the sun arrives for sure, in the aftermath
when the world is wet from the wash.
This helps the spring lilies bloom, and the wind if fed the scents
the winds shall then enchant,some wanderer who shall have strayed
Thus help him find his way, get him home
Such are the thoughts a rain brings

The violet, the indigo, the blue
the green, the yellow and the orange, the red
light up the sky and make it seem pretty
but to some vagabonds like me, we don’t care
the clouds don’t call us, nor does the rainbow,
not the morning lark, not the returning birds at dusk
we often are in lament, but we cherish the moments
and complain if the rainbow in us shall ever emerge.

Coloured

2008-11-01T12:07:00.001+05:30

The demons of the heart, so strange yet so powerful
They pilfer the energy of the soul
And then some, break the will
bewilder, awe and amaze me often
break my will of commitment
razor sharp, those icy claws
of realization, when it dawns
it finds my conscience dead
Petrified , in some bog

I solemnly criticize my stand
one that I have taken
I often wonder how it was ever done
a heart of shattered glass
stuck together, like an unimaginable task
with the hurt hands of my own, still dreaming
the reddened hands, fated to be red forever, in pain

A life worth dying.

2008-10-20T13:41:00.001+05:30

------------------------------------------------

The words spoken, the tidings you portray
Have been an illusion, you are a disgrace
Of the life you showed you live
And of everybody who has taken what you give
How much the pleasure has been for you
And they derive it of you, and you too do
But some day the winds shall blow clear
And the face of your falsehood shall be painted
Across the eyes of many a men
And then you shall ask, was it really a sin
You shall be answered, but not in haste
For you have lived life , a waste
laid waste, and spoken the same
And then you shall find remorse ever again

----------------------------------------

Merge

2008-10-14T03:45:00.002+05:30

so as to often breathe, feel the air warming up as it leaves my body
mind and soul combine
stands as a body that breathes
and then it shall stop, and be still, very still
they may look at it, wonder why it no longer moves
and then play with the corpse, consume it
make it one with the dirt beneath my feet
ashes to ashes , dust to dust

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Audio is below.

Fumer Tue

2008-10-14T03:39:00.001+05:30

The statement seems correct often than most. Everything kills. Thoughts kill, Memories kill, Love kills and the best is that life kills. I sometimes wonder if it is my aching for writing that makes me blabber at times. But the truth may reign supreme that we will always find something that may kill us and we will indulge. Wont we dear grasshopper.

Set Adrift

2008-10-12T19:53:00.002+05:30

You called unto me, from my dark slumber i awoke
I found myself in your company
maybe just in your words, and in mine as I wrote
I was happy then, though i was happy before
Happy as I could feel the need to express
Like having stepped out of a comatose condition
I could feel the warmth of your breath in my soul
I became a boat, set it aloft beside you
tagged along, while you rowed
I let you lead me to the midst of the sea
the day later you were gone, you drifted away
lost forever at sea, and i was all alone

Set adrift, no oar neither the sails
calls out to me the water below, calls me again
asks if i can be one with it now
like a beautiful advertisement it encompasses me
I look across the horizon, my company has long gone
so there is nothing i can long for
no more shall the seagulls seem pretty
no more shall the orange make sense to me
The sand shall cover me, and make me cozy, wrap me up
and there i shall sleep, never to be awakened
never to be awakened again, like I was before you woke me up the last time

You know

2008-10-12T17:59:00.001+05:30

The world doesn't bother me, nor does it make me happy anymore
sometimes I question and often quote to myself the following from Pearl Jam.

The eyes below are of Nautica Thorn
-------------------------------------------------------------
'The direction of the eye so misleading,
The reflection of the soul so nauseously quick,
I don't question our existence
I just question our modern needs'

-------------------------------------------------------------

If you look so into me you will know,so don't
Those vile pleasures are not what I don't crave
just as human as I am as you are
but I steer away from the wants of the flesh
they lead me to unworthy desires and craving
uncalled for, unwanted, unwarranted and unfathomable
so let me walk amongst the woods at peace
this soul that has dissected itself from the body

it's only pain that often portrays the meaning of life
often its your own, some that affect others
these feelings I do not treasure, nor do I care for anymore
my soul now is no more in a wanting denial,
the soul needs no one now
as much as it never had wanted
There are those moments I claim to fame
there are those that embarrass me even to date
I just wait that someday I slip into a coma and forget those as well

22 days to go

2008-09-30T19:56:00.000+05:30

some mellow scenes of the palm trees
overlooking, casting an image of them into the river
flowing carelessly below, gently, as the touch of her hands
it shows the skies, like in her eyes, the oars splash water
sounds like her laughing, as she plays
she plays on, like a song in my heart
how much I wish to say I miss her
how much I do, I cannot imagine
maybe as much as my heart wants to set itself on her love,
watch it glide in her love
but for now I have to wait , only 22 days to go

An ode to the Self

2008-09-15T16:05:00.001+05:30

Often to regret, often more so to

I ask myself what it means, sometimes ponder

Only to endlessly meander in the realms of the unknown,

In an unforgiving mind that I harbor, and I argue on, endlessly

Once as a child, I dreamt of life

How it would be, to grow, be young, be old

Now the dreams have become a reality

A nightmare at most, if not entirely

Somewhere I see the streak of my childish desires

And wish to sit and watch the sunset

Knowing that the world owes me nothing, nor do I owe