Stolidoli

Scattered

2007-09-13T15:03:00.001-04:00

I have this jumble in my head of things that I want to remember, because I am so scatterbrained lately that I feel like I'll forget everything about this time of my life. Parents of teenagers keep telling me that these years of raising small children were the best of their lives. Being that I had mine so close together, this time is extra short for me, and so full of utter chaos that I am unable to stop and savor anything.

Adelyn starts school on Monday, FINALLY, and she's quite the charmer. On the first day of school for Bella & Riley, we went to Applebee's for dinner, which the kids think is the peak of culinary expertise. That's OK, they have a Weight Watchers menu, so it suits me quite well also. So here I am at Applebee's, yelling at Adelyn to behave or she won't get her ice cream (which is free on Tuesdays, though they did sneak in a one dollar price increase without me realizing it at first). Adelyn starts whining "I am have," over and over again and I didn't understand what she was saying. She was pronouncing it haave, which rhymes with Maeve, and if it weren't for Vincent, I wouldn't have understood what she was saying. Today she threw another three-ism at me - I told her that he time was up, and she insisted that no, her time was down. I know it sounds trite to chuckle at the musings of a confused three year old, but these are the moments that I would like to savor, these glimpses into Adelyn's three year old mind trying to make sense of the world around her. Sometimes I treat her like a child far older than three out of necessity - I make her brush her own teeth, I get angry if she can't, or won't, put on her own shoes, because I have so many other kids to care for. But she's still a baby in so many ways and I'm missing the last shadowy glimpses of that babyhood.

Speaking of babies, Catherine is no longer considered a baby in the true sense of the word, either. She is now walking almost exclusively, toddling around the house trying to unroll the toilet paper and pull all of the DVDs out of the armoire. She giggles and dances and nods fervently when I ask her if she's hungry or wants to go night-nights. She is an absolute doll. Even so, every time I go to the grocery store I can't believe that there will be no more jars of baby food. I suppose this is a good thing, being that Vincent and I saved just about every empty container at the end, in a pack rat sort of frenzy to ensure that, yes, if anyone ever needed a tiny jar or plastic lidded thing for an extra set of nails, we've got one. What we don't have is video tape of Catherine's first steps - the video camera stopped working right before our weeks at the beach, when she was only making one or two solitary attempts at stepping away from a supported stance. Today, of course, our new camera (used on eBay) arrived and I haven't yet taken it out of the box. I'll try to get to it before she actually starts running.

Catherine is so cute that Bella cannot keep her hands off of her. Ever. She is constantly trying to feed her, or pick her up, which is especially treacherous being that Catherine only ways about 10 lbs. less than Bella does. Bella is so tiny that I bought her an XS skirt (On sale at Target! Score!) and it literally fell down around her ankles without even touching her waist. I was out one night at bedtime and again the next morning (working maybe?) but on the following night, Bella marches into my bedroom, trailed by Vincent, wearing Catherine's sized 12-18 month pajamas. The were two-pieced, long sleeved, though on Bella they appeared to be 3/4 sleeves and Capri's. Still, as I looked incredulously at Vincent and advised him that those were Catherine's pajamas, he shrugged sheepishly and announced that she had worn them to bed the previous night.

Riley, on the other hand, is a first grader, in school all day. He has homework every night and eats in the cafeteria (though not the cafeteria food, as they don't serve cheese sandwiches every day). He can also sound out words independently, though he does tend to rush a guess first. I think this is so he doesn't look weak or stupid, which is amazing to me that a 6 year old would already be beaten down enough to think that way. He has refused to bring his dinosaur water bottle, the one that matches his lunch bag and backpack, into school anymore because, "I don't think any first graders drink from stuff like that Mom." OK Riley.

So, here we are. School is closed for the Jewish holiday, which I explained to the kids that we don't celebrate but don't worry the Jews aren't getting any presents today either. That and a lunchtime trip to the park near Vincent's work (and McDonald's) made for a pleasant day.

We are redecorating the living room - painting and everything because by God I really hate the color scheme that Vincent talked me into even though he swears that it was totally my idea. I got a comfy accent chair and ordered a sofa and loveseat that are being delivered on Saturday. The walls aren't painted yet but having the furniture here will help me to narrow down the six or so swatches I have on the windowsill. If it's totally done by Christmas I will be absolutely thrilled. Of course, I'll post pictures when that happens.

Weight Watchers tonight - and random leftovers for dinner. I don't really know what to do with myself at 3:30 when I am not preparing dinner. Which is exactly how I ended up blogging, I guess.

First day of school!

2007-09-04T09:32:00.001-04:00

First day of school!
Originally uploaded by Stolidoli

It's offical! Today is the first day of school - Riley is a full-day first grader, and he's having lunch in the cafeteria today. Bella heads in at 12:10 for 1/2 day kindergarten, and, not to be outdone, Adelyn donned her backpack despite not starting school for another two weeks.

My schedule is going to be a nightmare this year - no buses for such a small town - so Riley gets dropped off at 8:15, Adelyn driopped off by 9am, then Bella dropped off at noon and Adelyn picked up, and then the oldest two picked up at 3pm. Of course, this week Bella is supposed to "Acclamate" to kindergarten, so she only has class from 12:10 until 2:10, then back at 3 to pick up Riley. When's Catherine supposed to nap? God only knows.

But this time next year, Catherine will also be a preschooler and I'll get to start drinking in the mornings with three hours to myself. I think I'm kidding, but I'm not sure yet. ;)

Bernie Bott's

2007-09-01T16:29:00.000-04:00

I have been reading Riley the Harry Potter books ever since he saw my euphoria at receiving book #7. We are on book #2 now and it's fun but boy does it take a long time to read out loud.

Anyway, last night I came home with Bernie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Riley, thrilled to try one, tells me, "Well, I eat my own boogers so I wouldn't mind getting a booger flavored one."

That's my boy.

Hi

2007-09-01T13:08:00.000-04:00

Somebody please help me understand how so many can manage their children, their homes, and their blogs too?

friends often ask how I am able to make "fancy" dinners every night - the answer is that while some of you take the time to scrub your toilets, we are busy peeing in squalor and feasting on Osso Bucco. But blogging? I am a miserable failure there.

I do plan on posting something more meaningful soon. Catherine is one year old already and I've been busy, but I need to start journaling again. In the meantime, I'll try to post a picture of the kids from our trip to the beach.

Phew!

2006-11-06T08:38:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. We have had ongoing construction, a leaking shower that just keeps on leaking, croup, pink eye (several times), colds and coughs(many many many of these), plus my grandfather went into renal failure and spent a week in ICU and is still in the hospital awaiting a SNF or rehab placement. Not to mention a smiley three month old who hates to be ignored and LOVES to be held. All. The. Time.

Or those competing school drop off and pickup schedules...We drop Riley off at 8:15, then Peep and the Big Wide World is on, then Bella gets dropped of at 9 (with Adelyn on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays). Riley is picked up at 11:10 and the girls at noon, but on Thursdays Adelyn and I go to the Little Gym first, from 9:15 to 10. I have to nurse the baby somewhere in there at least once. Then lunch, and maybe some activity (the park, a walk, a store, etc) before Adelyn naps from 1:30ish on. If I'm lucky I get to take a shower every day around 2:30ish if both Adelyn and Cate are sleeping. Then I start dinner. We eat when Vincent gets home and then have some free time until the bedtime routine starts. I'm usually trying to get Cate down by 7:30 or so, and she wants to nurse forever, so I usually go to bed with her and stay there while Vincent (sometimes, not last night) cleans up the kitchen. Otherwise, I do it in the morning.

You'll notice that there is no room on my schedule for updating my blog. Or cleaning and organizing my house. So, neither gets done. And when I DO try to update my blog, I am stepping over toys to do so.

Riley is the "Star of the Week" this week in kindergarten, so I had to prepare photos and do a questionnaire with him last night. Too cute. More on this later, I hope.

Peep is almost over and my tea is over-brewed. Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more later on the general craziness here.

Poop

2006-09-06T10:17:00.000-04:00

This is an actual email that I just sent my husband:

Adelyn took off her diaper while I was trying to help Bella clean the basement. Poop EVERYWHERE - face, hands, floor, train tracks. Had to put her in tub. Tub needs scrubbing before being used. Not sure if I will get to it - can't do while holding crying infant. Is it 5:00 yet?

*********
See, you don't actually need to ask how it's going. You don't want to know.

Hobbling along

2006-08-23T10:25:00.000-04:00

I've been having an inordinate amount of pain this time, and almost went to the ER the other night. Ran out of Percocet, God help me. I haven't had much time to write anything, between lactating furiously and hobbling around in agony, but thought I should get something out just for the sake of doing so.

Construction has been on hold and time generally standing still here, which I suppose is helpful for the moment. I did get my kitchen fully functioning last week, and have been cooking dinner for the first time since June. It's odd to have to stop what you're doing in the middle of a recipe and wonder where you put your mixing bowls, but I'm getting used to it.

We cannot find doorknobs to match the old ones in our 1920's Dutch Colonial. We did pay a small fortune for five-panel wood doors to match the old ones, and I wanted those crystal doorknobs as well. At the moment, however, all of the new doors in the house have no doorknobs at all. You try going into your powder room after major abdominal surgery and having to bend over to pry the door back open with your finger in the little gap between the door and the floor. OUCH. Please, if anyone knows of a place to find doorknobs ASAP, clue me in.

Well, I have to go "milk the baby" now, as Riley calls it. Adelyn was far more concerned, as she turned to me in horror one day as I was nursing Catie and decreed, "Baby's biting you!!" It seems that she has forgotten completely about nursing herself, which only ended less than a year ago.

Ooooh, engorgement. Back later!

Junkie

2006-08-14T20:49:00.000-04:00

Why did they give me 100 Motrin tablets but only 30 Percocet? I totally need more Percocet and I'm almost out.

Thank you for all of the well wishes. I csan't seem to email back a response individually so I'll have to settle for thanking you here.

Recovery has been harder this time - I don't know if it's the placental abruption, the extra incision, or just that I am on my 4th C-Section. But I'm still in pain and I just want to be well again and move on.

Catherine is showing signs of holding her own against three siblings - she is not afraid to cry to let me know when she's hungry. She is also incredibly alert and remains adorable, of course.

I wish I could type more but I'm spent, and it's two flights of stairs up to my bed. Oh, and my countertop was installed today so it's almost time to post the "After" pics from the (Alleged) Home Addition. And I guess the "Before" pics too, come to think of it. I know that my daughter is beautiful but I have to say that she is getting some stiff competition from our home remodeling in the looks department. I actually have to caress my granite countertops every time I walk past them.

The view from 12:10 pm

2006-08-11T11:57:00.000-04:00

Feet
Originally uploaded by Stolidoli.

She's here.

Catherine Anne (Cate) arrived at 12:10 pm, weighing in at 7lbs., 1 oz. and 21 inches long after a somewhat greuling C-Section delivery.

For the first time ever, my blood pressure dropped significantly after recieving the spinal, and I started vomiting (OK, dry heaving, there was nothing in my stomach) and blacking out until tyhey gave me some medication to bring my blood pressure back up. This happened twice before Vincent even came into the OR. After that, everything seemed fine to me, except for an inordinate amount of pulling and tugging and the extreme sensation of not being able to breathe. Of course, I couldn't see a thing behind the giant curtain, so I didn't know any better. Actually, in my morphine-induced stupor, I ried to get them to remove the curtain, insisting that I had a "Strong stomach" and that I wanted to see what was going on. Needless to say, they didn't, but they did seem to be amused.

What I couldn't see was that Catherine was very, very stuck, being that I had a good amount of scar tissue, and that she was still pretty high up. In their efforts to remove her from my uterus, my placenta began to abrupt.

This was, I'm told, about the time that they attempted to pull her out with the dreaded vacuum extractor (I know!). Who knew that they used these for C-Sections? Apparantly, that didn't work, and so they resorted to cutting a second, "classical" incision (read: top to bottom) into my uterus to finally remove her before any harm came to either of us. Needless to say, I'm having a harder time recovering than with previous births.

Is it cliche to say it was all worth it? Click on the photo to see more pictures, and see for yourself.

Welcome to the world, sweetheart.

The view from 7:59 am

2006-08-04T07:59:00.000-04:00

Friday, August 4th: The view from 7:59 am
Originally uploaded by Stolidoli.

Friday, August 4th

2006-08-04T06:19:00.000-04:00

I can't sleep. Usually when I pull myself out of bed at 5:00 am, it means that I'll be eating an early breakfast, followed by some delicious mid-morning treat to tide me over until lunch. But not today - I sit here starving and anxious because in just under four hours I should be wheeling into surgery to meet baby #4.

I know that I wanted to blog something this morning, but honestly, I have no idea what to write. I found myself crying intermittently yesterday, and especially last night, and I'm also not quite sure why. There are too many reasons, I guess.

First, I hate C-Sections. It is really painful to have that damn numbing medicine to even get the spinal in the first place. I mean, really, really painful. Like, I almost had a panic attack yesterday in the pre-admission center yesterday when the NP was reviewing the procedure with me and commented that oh by the way, that shot hurts and I like to prepare my patients. Actually, probably my second or third thought after finding out that I was pregnant was an anxious "damn, that spinal hurts." I kid you not.

So there's that, and also that I am already starving and I believe that I won't be allowed to eat again until Sunday. Maybe they'll let me have a drink of water tonight. Some thing to look forward to!

Also, I have a sore throat. When Adelyn was born, I had a cough, and, talk about pain! Try coughing every thirty seconds after major abdominal surgery.

But then there's the bigger stuff, of course. That I really am not doing a great job parenting the kids that I already have. That I got chastised yesterday but a twenty-something lifeguard at the swim club because Riley and Bella were swimming in the deep end of the big pool and Bella was floundering, clutching on to her big brother even though he couldn't stand either. I, of course, was in the baby pool with Adelyn and did not see what was happening. I think he said something to the effect that he couldn't be responsible to watch them and that they needed to be supervised, and only later did I think of such obviously snarky responses like - wait- aren't you paid to be the lifeguard? - but mostly I was just too frustrated and upset that my last day, my last minutes even, at the swim club as the mother of three were spent feeling insecure and incompetent. Neglectful, even.

Plus, the kids are totally on edge. Their basement playroom is covered in plastic from the construction and their swingset unreachable behind the enormous dumpster in our yard. They have been going to "camp" every day at the new preschool, Adelyn too, and then the older two are relegated to sitting on my bed (in the living room!) to watch TV while Adelyn naps, before they head out to the swim club for some good old unsupervised drowning.

Adelyn, my baby girl, cries every morning when I drop her off at camp. She starts just before I gesture to leave, as if the anticipation of our pending separation is too much to bear. Allegedly she plays with wild abandon after about five minutes of tears, and she is admittedly reluctant to stop playing and go home with me when camp is over, but still. I would not have her in camp this young in the first place, but for the construction going on here. I just have nowhere safe for her to be all morning, and lugging her with me to Lowe's to pick up ceiling fans wasn't a terribly viable option either.

So instead, I've missed my opportunity to smother her with affection during our last days before her little sister arrives, after which she will be violently ousted from her throne as the youngest of our clan. The construction has been so all-consuming, in fact, that I have also not taken the opportunity to cherish these last days of pregnancy that I will ever know. And, just to add to my frustration, they have also been the hottest in Philadelphia's history.

So we're hot, we're cranky, we have no kitchen, and we're having another baby. Today. I have no idea if we're doing the right thing, but it's certainly too late to turn back now. I just pray that the baby is healthy, and happy, and that I can be a good mother to her. To all of my children. And while my heart breaks for Adelyn, I hope that she likes being a big sister.

I always wonder what Bella would be like if we'd never had Adelyn. She loves being babied, and she is quite jealous of Adelyn in many ways. But the other day, I asked her how she felt about being a big sister again.

"Good," she said, straining to look around me and see the TV.

"You know that this is going to be the last baby we have in our family," I added. This got her attention.

"That's not good," she said, looking like she wanted to cry. I wanted to cry too, but instead we just hugged, and she turned her attention back to the TV, laughing at the antics on the Cartoon Network.

So, maybe Bella really is OK, and maybe Adelyn will be OK too. Maybe we all will. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, I'll be able to emulate my daughter, and accept what is without pausing to regret what might have been. And if I'm really lucky, I'll find laughter there too.

A momentous day in the Riley-hood

2006-08-01T08:06:00.000-04:00

What is Riley holding?
Originally uploaded by Stolidoli.

This past Sunday, incidentally our last as a family of five, Riley was in dire need of a haircut and anted to spend time with Daddy. So, bearing celery sticks (he can't go anywhere without snacks, I married a snack guy) Vincent packed him up and off the two of them went.

He returned with slightly lopsided bangs and something in his hand. It seems that while chewing on his celery stick, Riley's very first tooth popped right out. And celery being as strange as it is, it stayed stuck inside.

About an hour later, while we were all at the pool eating dinner (did I mention that I have no kitchen?), Riley's other bottom tooth came out.

The tooth fairy and her tooth castle were two teeth richer come Monday morning, and Riley a whopping two dollars richer as well.

My little boy is now a buzz-cut, toothless grinned, diving board jumping big-pool swimming kindergarten-bound almost six year old.

But he still jumps into bed with me every morning with a big hug and an "I love you Mommy." And I reach my arms around him, since I can no longer pick him up, and tell my baby boy how much I love him too. For the sweet baby boy that he once was, and for all of the wonder that he has become.

Family of Five and Three Quarters

2006-07-28T17:14:00.000-04:00

Family of Five and Three Quarters
Originally uploaded by Stolidoli.

Here is a shot of all of us from our recent trip to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. If you click on the photo, you will be led to my Flickr photo stream and also the OBX set with more photos of everyone from our trip. Feel free to blast me for my Flickr incompetence if I'm wrong about that last part.

Anyway, if this works well, I'll use Flickr to post pictures of the Alleged Home Addition as well...which is, of course, no longer Alleged, but rather, the Almost Completed Home Addition.

Lucky

2006-07-25T10:11:00.000-04:00

Blogger just ate my big long post, which was about being exasparated in the first place. Everything has been going on all at once lately, and things have just been insane.

So instead of retyping everything right now that I just lost, here's a snapshot of what life has been like lately. It should help illuminate things a bit.

Yesterday, Vincent and I were going to have a nice, quiet lunch together because things have been exceedingly stressful and the kids are in camp from 9am - 1 pm three days a week (We're writing it off as a construction cost...I challenge you to find a cheaper alternative to get my kids out of the construction fray every damn morning before the pool opens!).

Anyway, I was late, and seemingly driving behind the world's slowest people. I called Vincent to vent, adding that the person driving the red dump truck in front of me was probably drunk.

"Look at him! He's swerving all over the damn road!" I had barely uttered these words when the guy proceeded to drive full speed into a tree.

So there I was, due to give birth in eleven days, staring at a bloody two-hundred pound man in a now flaming car, wondering if I could conceivably pull him to safety.

Thank God a landscaper appeared from nowehere and pulled him out while I was still stammering to 911 about how I wasn't exactly sure which was the nearest cross-street. Although, in retrospect, a pregnant woman pulling a man from a flaming car might have made an interesting news story...like I need my 15 minutes of fame to be on a day where I wasn't able to shower or even put on underwear before the contractors arived at my house. Or in maternity clothes at all, for that matter. Where was the flaming car when I was wearing my skinny jeans???

Needless to say, I didn't get that quiet lunch with my husband. Instead, I spent my alone-time watching the flames engulf first the car, and then the tree it had struck, before giving a statement that will likely get me a witness subpeona while I'm still recovering from my C-Section.

But, like the addition and the baby and everything else, I'm quite lucky, albiet stressed. Lucky I wasn't that guy. Lucky I wasn't driving on the other side of the road, or picnicing under that tree with my kids.

Lucky to be having another beautiful baby girl, and a new kitchen, and a whirlpool bathtub and a built-in window seat, but damn if it isn't inconvenient at the moment to be pregnant and under construction.

Enough!

2006-07-13T21:15:00.000-04:00

We just returned from an almost two-week getaway to the Outer Banks (OBX for those in the know) and Williamsburg, VA, thinking that we escaped from the worst of (Alleged) Home Addition 2006. Wrong! We returned to an inch of dust on everything we own, including the five-and a half foot jacuzzi bathtub sitting in the middle of my living room floor. A new coffee table! Lucky us! It goes well with the end tables - boxes of toilets and plumbing fixtures. At least the kids have something else to sit on besides my bed, which is, of course, in my living room...which isn't terrible, being that my "kitchen" (a fridge, a microwave and some paper plates) is now in my dining room, and my old kitchen is no more.

And just to add to my dismay, the contractors knocked out our internet connection.

So, we have moved out until further notice. I'll post when I move back in. Baby #4, btw, is scheduled for 10:30 am on August 4th. My granite countertop people are coming out to template on July 24th. What will be finished first? Perhaps we can start a poll or something.
I'd post pictures, but Vincent dropped the camera in OBX and it is broken. Can you say Nikon D80?

I so totally need a drink.

OK, OK, OK.

2006-06-24T09:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah, well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I've been meaning to just suck it up and post forever but it just seemed so damned unreasonable, being that I've missed so many milestones. My next post was supposed to be titled "Five," for Riley's birthday. But on the exact date of Riley's fifth birthday party I became so excruciatingly ill that i didn't get out of bed again until, well... OK, I'm still in bed as much as humanly possible.

So here I am, very very pregnant with another baby girl, whom we are unceremonially planning to have surgically extracated from my body at about 10:30 am on August 4th. Yes, another girl. I am clearly being punished for my adolescence.

Actually, there were lots of tears over the girl thing, mostly (and also most suprisingly) from me. It seems that everyone wanted a boy - Riley because he wanted a brother, Bella because she didn't want another little sister, Vincent and I for "balance," and Adelyn...well, she didn't say so but I think she'd like to stay the littlest princess in our family if she could. Coming from a family with no sisters anywhere in our geneology, I am feeling incredibly sad for my son that he will not have a brother. But, as a well meaning friend pointed out, he will certainly make a very good husband, or be gay or highly metrosexual. I guess he'll be OK regardless. And since my ob/gyn has asked at every single visit including the first one if I am getting my tubes tied this time, we don't really have a choice in the matter. Seems they are very against having a fifth C-Section, something about "risks" or something. Blah blah blah. OK, OK, We're done, I promise. Sheesh.

Soooo....Riley turned five, and Bella turned four, and Adelyn just turned two last week. We celebrated Christmas, and New Year's, Valentine's Day, and Easter. Riley graduated from preschool! Bella had a ballet recital! Don't worry, I'll post pictures of everything. It was all good.

Probably most exciting is that we have begun the "Alleged Home Addition", and, at present, the shell is complete. That is, we have the basement, with walkout stairs, plus the shell of the two-story addition, which is roofed, with soffets and gutters, and electricity, HVAC and plumbing almost complete. They have already broken through and fixed the part upstairs that will be my master bathroom's shower, and they break through my kitchen and upstairs hallway next week. Yes, and of course I have photos of that too. Cabinets are ordered and we are buying the rest tonight - who knew I'd be so excited over toilets and faucets? Oh, and my jacuzzi bathtub, which is being delivered next week as well. YUM. Now who is going to babysit while I take my bath?

Overall, I've been trying very hard to spend absolutely zero time at home, as there are anywhere from 7 to 15 men parading around my house all day and I am currently sleeping in my living room. Plus, they keep knocking my cable line out. In my house, cable = sanity, so you can guess how well I must be doing emotionally. But here I am at work this morning, where there are people crazier than me (OK, maybe not, but they, unlike me, are not free to leave), as well as an active internet connection, so I am finally posting.

There. It's done. Hanging over my head for months, and yet I can't. seem. to. push. the. "publish post". button.

Push the button!

Four. And four. And four.

2005-12-14T02:34:00.000-05:00

In the beginning of November, I flew to Phoenix to attend my the wedding of my fourth friend from high school to be married. They're a slow bunch, as we're in our mid-thirties now, but when they actually commit, they do it well.

I was particularly looking forward to this wedding because I have been pregnant for every single other nuptial of these lifelong friends. I was so pregnant for the last one, in fact, that I was unable to fly out to attend the wedding at all, and Adelyn was born a mere two days later.

Suffice it to say that Xanax works, as it got me one the plane at least. Xanax also made it difficult to concentrate on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but even when I'm high as a kite I can maintain some level of focus on Johnny Depp.

What followed the flight was several days of decadence - there was drinking, and eating, and lounging by the pool (which was too cold to actually swim in but how can I complain) in my bikini, yes, bikini, and of course there was my weekend objective to smoke cigarettes with abandon with my old friends who do in fact still smoke, and while that made me slightly ill it was fun and reminiscent and no I do not claim to be the rolemodel of good health.

I was a bit spooked by the Xanax though, since the pharmacist freaked out when it was prescribed to me - she held the package and wouldn't let the pharmacy tech give it to me until we "had a word." I have been taking prenatal vitamins since 1999, and she was apparantly fearful that I might be pregnant, hell, most people taking prenatal vitamins are pregnant, right? So I got a song and dance about the dangers of ingesting Xanax while pregnant, and a lecture on the exact half life of the drug - which is in your system for approximately two and a half days for those of you that must know.

Now, since I was allegedly ovulating upon my return from Phoenix (with the old PCOS I am never really sure if and when I ovulate), and Vincent and I were contemplating a fourth pregnancy, I decided to self medicate the old fashioned way (read: get rip-roaring drunk!) on the flight home.

So I step into a bar and proceed to ingest 40 ounces of beer and six cigarettes in about 15 minutes, the first time I was actually intoxicated all weekend (Alcohol has calories in it, you know. Must choose battles). It is the wild wild west in Arizona, and you can actually smoke inside of the airport! Bizarre.

Hiccupping, I sashayed up to the gate with about ten minutes to spare before my flight, and, as I approached, I notice that plane appears to be moving. "Must be drunk," I think to myself.

The moral here is that in the days post-911 flights stop boarding at least ten minutes before they are scheduled to leave. Who knew? The plane was moving. Without me.

So I am now drunk, and all alone in an airport in Phoenix, incredulous that I've missed my flight. As it turns out, I am very very lucky, as there was another flight in an hour and fifteen minutes, and the airline was able to get me a seat. Of course, I still needed to call my mother-in-law and tell her that I was drunk and missed my flight and basically a dumbass and her son really could have done much better and I'll try not to have sex with some cowboy at the airport. Or something like that. I can't really remember what I said because I was drunk, but the woman was at my house with my three children, so I needed to tell her something.

So...where are we? Yes, four weddings. Check.

Of course, nothing is more fun that attending the wedding of an old high school friend than doing so in a size four. It was a dream. I love being skinny again. It's fabulous, really, but it makes me wonder whether I'm willing to gain it all back and get pregnant again. Losing weight is getting harder and harder for me, and I've finally put all of my "fat clothes" back in the attic. I haven't actually given them away yet - that would be committing to never being fat again - which I cannot promise as we want a fourth child.

Yes, the last four. Baby number four. Do we want four? Should we have four?

So, in late November, Vincent and I are debating a romp under the sheets, and the subsequent condom wearing, when we decide to take a test run for pregnancy. Really, I should have missed my ovulation, and am due for my period any second. This fills me with some sadness, as I had secretly thought I might end up technically pregnant for my friend's wedding, you know, that I had attended after my LMP but before I conceived but then there's that whole we-start-counting-on-the-day-of-your-last-period thing and my streak remains unbroken.

So, we threw caution to the wind and had unprotected sex.

And well, you know what happened next, don't you?

Leaving on a jet plane...

2005-11-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow evening I'm flying for the first time in six years. The first time since I've had kids. The first time since 9/11. I'm heading, by myself, to a friend's wedding in Phoenix and I am scared to death. If I can get over my fear of flying, it will be wonderful to spend four child-free night drinking and carousing with my old friends.

If.

All day my head has been full of thoughts like, "This might be the last dinner I have with my family" and "This might be the last time I kiss my kids goodnight."

Actually, I was out at Walgreen's picking up a prescription for Xanax while Vincent was putting the kids to bed. When I came home, Bella was already asleep - the child hasn't fallen asleep before 9:30 in months and she chooses tonight to get sleepy?

I've never taken Xanax, and since I was also picking up my prenatal vitamin refill, the pharmacist panicked and almost didn't give them to me. I had to explain that I am not pregnant, but I still nurse Adelyn in the mornings sometimes, and that we are thinking about getting pregnant again soon but not actively trying before she'd release the Xanax to me. She scared me half to death, actually. I guess if I end up taking it we won't be trying to get pregnant this month at all. Or next, because that would put me giving birth around Riley's first day of Kindergarten and it would be my luck to have that kind of chaos in my life.

Speaking of Riley, did you know that he was born on a Thursday night? Know why I remember that? Because the Asian doctor on ER gave birth to her son (the one that she gave up for adoption) pretty much at exactly the same moment, EST, that I was giving birth to Riley.

Do you know what will be on ER Thursday night, at precisely the moment my pilot is landing my plane in Phoenix?

Yes, a plane crash.

I think I'll be taking that Xanax after all.

2005-10-31T16:20:00.000-05:00

More Halloween photos - I thought this was acute one of the kids in their festive Halloween shirts. Of course you can't really see the shirts in this picture, but you get the idea.

2005-10-31T12:41:00.000-05:00

This is just too cute not to add.

2005-10-31T12:40:00.000-05:00

Meeooow.

2005-10-31T12:38:00.000-05:00

Riley as Avatar, the Last Airbender.

2005-10-31T12:37:00.000-05:00

Bella as Snow White

Well it scared her, anyway. Happy Halloween!

2005-10-31T12:35:00.000-05:00

My mom tells me that it looks like I'm wearing one of those big fake noses in that last picture.

Thaaanks Mom.

Introducing the winners of the township Halloween parade!

2005-10-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

We won a pizza bowling party for five!