Mitchieville

Stop the Subway

2008-07-25T07:47:00.002-04:00

Few people have been as outraged as I am right now. What could be more upsetting to the delicate equilibrium of the life force than news of a subway expansion in Toronto * ? Having spent the evening listening to the need for funding for student groups that shout out against the invisible silence of the power of the invisible potato masher of white privilege, I can only wonder why the government of Stephen Harper has suppressed research into an affordable hangover cure for Africans.

Extinction and the Subway Expansion. As surely as the arctic ocean will be free of ice this summer * , so too will uncountable numbers of precious species be made extinct. I talked to Ryan of the York University Students against the Subway. He told me that he has heard from a confidential source in a bath house one night that underground railways are really, really bad for the environment. Without recognition or funding, his group is being silenced, and student’s rights to be heard is being brutally crushed. This is fascism.

Subways promote Global Warming. What do we need subways for, says Ryan, the veins in his neck throbbing from outrage. ‘My feelings are clear about this‘, he says, ‘I do not understand any of the arguments. I speak for everybody! Global Warming is bad. Subways add to the carbon debt of taxpayers, and do nothing to increase the salaries of social workers, let alone pad pension benefits or aid the fight for obesity awareness. Ugly rumours about last winter being ‘harsh’, ‘long’, or ‘full of snow’, are homophobic mis-information, spread by people who did not use bicycles to commute to their classes at York.’

Subways encourage white supremacists. There are a fantastic number of neo-Nazis, skin heads, fascists, and extreme right wing white meanies entrenched throughout the university system in Ontario, says Ryan, deputy spokesprimate for the Redshirt-Greenshirt alliance against Brownshirts. We need funding for our student activists so that we can attend rallies to raise awareness about the secret control of academia by fascists. The construction of this subway line is all part of their agenda of total world domination. Down with Brown, up with Red-Green! shouts Ryan.

Bicycles are the best way for public transit. I do not know anybody who does not know that bicycles are the alternative to the automobile, aeroplane, and steam ship, says Ryan. Founder of Engineering Watch, an underfunded network of student activists struggling against the odds, Ryan is the leader of this Marxist-Leninist group that seeks to make engineering, math, and science accountable for the big words and long formulae that put this area out of reach for those who are lazy and stupid. Difficult is stupid, shouts Ryan. Poverty causes stupidity, not the other way around, he says, quoting one of his own essays.

Well, I am convinced.

Send me your money. Help me to help you to feel less white guilty by helping me to spend your money, so that multi-people like Ryan can continue to howl and whimper for the handouts that others get.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

xpd Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, Stormy Days of March

Student activist Ryan is a member of several student activist groups. A victim of oppression, Ryan is both bi-polar and poly-gendered (actually, he-she claims to have the soul of a trans-gendered Bonobo, which he will tell you about at great length, even if you do not ask), and finds it impossible to attend classes and instead makes demands and complains. I suspect we will be hearing from him again, and again, and again.

Little Linkie Love

2008-07-25T07:12:00.004-04:00

A little while ago, Tiger Woods was yapping away at some news scrum or whatever, when he made a comment that he doesn't watch hockey because it's boring. You can imagine how well that played here in Canada. He could have been caught setting puppy dogs on fire and he would have been excused, but saying hockey is boring, uh uh, that doesn't go down well with the average Canadian. I'm under the thought that anyone that plays golf should not be allowed, by law perhaps, to say that any other sport in the universe is boring. Maybe it's because Tiger is always surrounded by an adoring media and fans that he isn't grounded in reality, but he should note that golf is slightly more exciting than watching a professional fishing tourney or a curling bonspiel. In other words, shut up Tiger.

This is kind of funny--a hostess for a shopping channel looks like she forgets to breathe, which leads to her dying. Wait, that's not right, she never dies, but for the grace of God...

The evolution of Barry Bonds is interesting on a few levels. Watching him get bigger every few years is neat, but checking out his yearly totals is what I thought was most interesting. Even before he started taking steroids, and you'll see exactly what year, he was a pretty great baseball player.

The Top 10 Ugliest Cars Currently Sold In The US is a title which is far too long. The ugly part of the equation is purely subjective, but yet it is still a good list. Either that or I'm feeling generous today.

If you are a regular Mitchievillian, you'll know that The Mayor loves panoramic pages. This is no exception. After panning up and down, left and right, I had a hankering to eat my keyboard. Which I did.

I was just telling my imaginary friend that what the world needs is a web page that lists all the accidents and fatalities of all the major theme parks around the US. I feel so lucky when my wishes bloom like a little flower.

You Were A Beautiful Baby--July 25

2008-07-25T07:01:00.003-04:00

The good thing about having your birthday on this date is that it is very possible that you are the most famous person born on July 25. Looking down the list, it is surprising that this date, July 25, has produced no one that is more famous that Estelle Getty, who, with Bea Aurthur, I will never get a chance to have a threesome with now. Thanks angels of death, thanks a whole hell of a lot.

1982 Brad Renfro (actor-no idea who this is)
1978 Louise Brown (first test tube baby--I hear she can't stomach drinking a shooter)
1967 Matt Le Blanc (actor--the guy that plays the dumb guy is, well, everything)
1955 Iman (model, or I, man)
1924 Estelle Getty (actress--was the sexiest of all the oldie girls)

Your personal ruling planets are Sun and Neptune.

Your spiritual light burns brightly. You are destined to peer into the hidden meaning of life. Your sensitive nature is activated by the Moon and Neptune and Mercury will provide you with a streak of curiosity into the unknown. This may not always make you easily understood, as your mind is preoccupied with subtle things that may not always interest the average run-of-the-mill human being. Emigration, or at least residence away from your place of birth, is indicated.

Your 25th and 34th years are important spiritual landmarks for you.

Your lucky colours are the darker green shades.

Your lucky gems are turquoise, cats eye chrysoberyl, tigers eye.

Your lucky days of the week are Mondays and Thursdays.

Your lucky numbers and years of important change are 7 , 16, 25, 34, 43, 52, 61, 70, 79.

Thursday Night Art Class

2008-07-24T22:37:00.001-04:00

I came a cross this painting while surfing the net a few months ago. I know nothing about it and was hoping that one of the brainiac readers of Mitchieville might be able to help a guy out and tell me something about it:

The uniform looks like it is WWI and helmet appears to be European - likely German or French. There is unit number on the epaulet but I can't make it out. There is also a number on the bottom right that looks like 1036, but it is likely 1936. Anyone have any idea's???

Ladies & Gentlemen--The Next President Of The United States Of America

2008-07-24T22:17:00.002-04:00

You/we are so fucked.

Happy Birthday (For) River Rat

2008-07-24T20:35:00.004-04:00

Sure, River Rat's birthday isn't actually until March 08, but I want to make sure I don't forget it.

Happy birthday, my friend.

Blogfest & Book-burning 2008

2008-07-24T20:11:00.004-04:00

The preparations for Blogfest & Book-burning 2008 are well under way. Last year we all enjoyed a wonderful BBQ'd gazelle. This year, you better make some space in your tummy, because my chefs will be cooking up the leftovers of said gazelle. Yummy yummy yummy, put some gazelle in yer tummy! Dave from The London Fog ate a whole hindquarter.

So far, the response to Blogfest has been rather decent. It looks as though we will have a good turn out, but I would still like to see some additional bodies grace The Manor on Saturday, August 23.

I know that many of you are from in and around Toronto, some of you are from such exotic places as Guelph, Kitchener, and Milton. That is but a rocks throw from Mitchieville. You are all invited, it would be a pleasure having you.

Send me an email at mitchieville at (@) yahoo.com and I'll pass along all the pertinent information. Remember, if you let me down, an angel will lose its wings--and then I'll have to maim you with a broken hockey stick.

Sherri Shepherd Stepped Up To The Abortion Buffet

2008-07-24T19:51:00.002-04:00

In the new issue of black Christian women's magazine Precious Times, Sherri Shepherd reveals her thoughts on her many abortions, heaven, this and that, and of course, blah blah blah:

"I was sleeping with a lot of guys and had more abortions than I would like to count."

Abortion face then went on to explain how she overcame the guilt and trauma associated with having multiple abortions:

“A wonderful woman at one of the women’s conferences I speak at came to me and said, ‘Sherri, you know when you get to heaven all your babies are going to be there saying, ‘Hi momma.” and it just kind of freed me and I knew that Jesus had forgiven me.

"Hi momma, it's me, dead baby #8. Remember me momma? Of course you don't, you had me ripped out when I was three months old. Momma, I'm in heaven now and I'm a great dancer. Do you know why I'm a great dancer? Because I spent the first three months of my life dodging a fucking coat hanger, you stupid bitch".

Can we get a retro-abortion, please?

Lotteries--The Poor Love 'Em

2008-07-24T19:28:00.003-04:00

A Carnegie Mellon University study on gambling and poverty has revealed why the poorest folks in society are the biggest buyers of lotto tickets:

"Some poor people see playing the lottery as their best opportunity for improving their financial situations, albeit wrongly so".

Incredible. Simply incredible. If I'm reading this correctly, and I do believe I am, this study is saying that poor people see the lottery as some sort of way of getting out of the dismal financial state they are currently in, and by winning money, their financial state will improve. Going by that logic, people in better financial situations will most likely gamble less because they don't need the money as much as the poor do.

This study has really shed some light on the reason why poor people gamble more on lottery tickets. I use to be under the impression that poor people gamble more because they enjoyed giving their money to the government, who, knowingly prey on the poor because they know the poor will blow every last cent on lotteries with the insane thought they have a snowballs chance in hell in winning something where the odds of winning are less than having Sputnik fall out of the sky and crush their cat to death.

To be honest, I kind of feel a little stupid now.

Winning through losing

Little Linkie Love

2008-07-24T07:55:00.002-04:00

I was this close (I'm squeezing my index finger close to my thumb as a visual that you cannot see) from posting a Linkie Love last night (alliteration), but I decided that I would lay down on the couch for 5 minutes and take a wee break. Well, it's now 8 am Thursday morning and here I am, writing up Linkie Love. I suppose the point of my story is this: I am not unlike you, I like to sleep when I get a chance. We are all one, we are the world and yes, we are the children. Now get over here and give me a hug, poopy pants.

This was well done. Tell me, which one of these cartoon is considered racist and which one isn't. Take your time, I'll be here for the next 15 minutes,

If you saw Cloverfield, sorry you wasted $11. Actually, what I wanted to say is, if you have seen Cloverfield and liked it, then you will most likely enjoy Groverfield. It steps cuteness up a level.

A Kentucky Headstone is kind of cute.

JonMas sent me a Canadian short clip from the 50's called, "Love Your Neighbour". If you really detest this clip, I will give you JonMas's email addy and you can contact him directly to express your feelings.

Wow, another MySpace page that you will absolutely hate. How many is that now? Wow, every one of them? Who woulda thunk it?

You Were A Beautiful Baby--July 25

2008-07-24T07:15:00.004-04:00

July 24 sounds like an important day. It very well may not be, but it has a certain ring to it that makes it sound special. Other days, like February 9, don't sound important at all. But looks and dates can be deceiving. Jennifer Lopez was born on this day, and that gave me pause for thought. I remember not too long ago when Jennifer was this semi-hot little thing that every guy would look twice at and women would hate because she was so pretty. Now, Jennifer's ass has its own postal code, and she turned out to be a complete diva and a horrid bitch. Now men and women alike hate Jennifer Lopez, and in a strange way, her bitchiness has become a great unifier.

1984 Dhani Lennevald (singer--I have no idea who this turd is)
1982 Anna Paquin (actress--is this the bucked-tooth gremlin that's amrried to Depp?)
1970 Jennifer Lopez (singer, actress)
1951 Lynda Carter (actress)
1949 Michael Richards (actor--is he still considered the devil?)
1947 Robert Hays (actor)
1936 Ruth Buzzi (comedienne, actress--I use to detest her)
1897 Amelia Earhart (aviator--official web site)
1783 Simon Bolivar (South American liberator--I believe he also invented wet paper money)

Your personal ruling planets are Sun and Venus.

Venus has the power to make you irresistably attractive to others. You have a dramatic air about you and make statements with your physical presence, attire or possessions. Don't overemphasise the outer elements of social life as your inner world needs just as much, if not more, nurturing.

You are proud by nature, loyal and protective of those you love and that which you have worked hard for.

Your lucky colours are white and cream, rose and pink.

Your lucky gems are diamond, white sapphire or quartz crystal.

Your lucky days of the week Friday, Saturday, Wednesday.

Your lucky numbers and years of important change are 6, 15, 24, 33, 42, 51, 60, 69, 78.

Squirrel Fights 2008--Round Deux

2008-07-23T19:46:00.004-04:00

This is the night that very few of you have been waiting for. The results from last week's pay-per-view came in, and Squirrel fights was narrowly beaten in the ratings by Elk Fights. Damn you to hell, Fox Sports, damn you to hell!

Good evening folks, I am your announcer, The Mayor of Mitchieville. We have a fantastic fight lined up for you tonight. Kolonel Kill is up against Igor the Russian Drunk (IRD). I predicted yesterday that if IRD shows up anyways sober, this is going to be a real barn-burner of a tussle.

The fighters are making their way to the pillowcase. KK struts out with his manager, the Godless Commie. KK is looking rather cocky, he's really got a determined look and walk about him. He is obviously is fine shape, his biceps are busting out of his squirrel arms. Literally. And truth be told, that's a rather sickening site. Put on a shirt, you rat bastard!

And it looks like IRD is also making his way to the see-through pillowcase. Oh my, he does not look good. He is holding a mickey of Smirnoff in his left hand and a cabana in his right. He does not look in good shape, he's, well, kind of fucked-up looking. This will not end well.

I take you now to our ring announcer, Michelle Buffet. "Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages--let's get ready to watch some blood shed!!"

Seriously, that is a terrible announcement.

Fenris has put both squirrels in the see-through pillowcase and we're nearly ready to begin. The bell sounds and Fenris shakes the pillowcase, the fight has begun.

KK wastes no time and head butts IRD. There is already a trickle of blood coming from the mouth of IRD. KK barrels in on IRD and kicks him in the pills. IRD is not fighting back, he seems stunned--and wasted. KK scratches IRD's face and pounds him with a series of lefts and rights. This is a lopsided fight, Fenris is looking closely at IRD, I wonder if he intends to stop it?

KK roundhouses IRD in the head, knocking him half-out. The blood is flowing fast and furious from the head of IRD, this will not last long. KK gives Igor another series of punches and scratches and it looks like he's setting IRD up for his patented move: The bazooka shot to the face!

KK lines IRD up, loads his bazooka and....oh my sweet Lord in the heavens above, IRD just puked in KK's face. KK goes down, it looks like the acid in Igor's barf has blinded KK. KK drops to the bottom of the pillowcase and is trembling. Igor, in his drunken stupor is now lying on top on KK. What a turn of events. Igor is now laying right on KK's face, he can't breathe... Fenris, stop the fight, KK is....oh boy. Dead.

I can't believe my beautiful green eyes. I have never seen anything like this before in my life. Well, actually I've seen something like this a few times, but nothing EXACTLY like this.

The winner, at 2 minutes and 14 seconds of the first round--by death...Igor the Russian Drunk.

That was truly amazing. That's it for the second round of Squirrel Fights, I hope you have enjoyed it. This is graphic violence at its finest. Oh ya.

Tune in next Monday night to see who the next two combatants will be. I'm The Mayor of Mitchieville, wishing you and yours, and theirs, a great evening.

How's Your Stock In The NYT Coming Along?

2008-07-23T19:36:00.003-04:00

Relax, they're still the paper of record--for how long though, that's anyone's guess:

NEW YORK (AP) - New York Times Co. says its second-quarter earnings fell 82 percent from the year-ago quarter boosted by a one-time gain. Meanwhile, print advertising revenue continued to shrink.

Ad revenue slipped down 11 percent, hurt mostly by fewer classified ads.

I know it isn't right to laugh at other people's misfortunes, but...HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Keep churning out that anti-Conservative, anti-GWB award-winning masterpieces, it sure seems to sell newspapers.

All the news...

Tricia Walsh-Smith Gets Beaten Down

2008-07-23T19:05:00.004-04:00

You may remember Tricia Walsh-Smith from this YouTube video from a few months back. In the video, Tricia trashed her husband, Philip Smith, and told the world about their intimate life and then called his office to repeat those claims to his assistant. The judge in the divorce proceeding handed down his judgment today:

A Manhattan judge gave Philip Smith a divorce from Tricia Walsh-Smith on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment.

Judge Harold Beeler blasted Walsh-Smith for her video stunt, which he called "a calculated and callous campaign to embarrass and humiliate her husband" and to pressure him into settling the divorce case on more favorable terms than were stated in their prenuptial agreement.

He said Monday that the prenuptial agreement, signed three weeks before the couple's 1999 wedding, was valid. This means that Walsh-Smith must leave their Park Avenue apartment within 30 days and that Smith, president of the Shubert Organization, the largest theater owner on Broadway, must pay her $750,000.

Just knowing that for the remainder of his life he will not have to put up with the nonsense coming from that ham-faced, insane psychopath, $750,000 will seem like a bargain. Having the judge put her in her place, well, that's worth the price of admission right there. Philip Smith should be happy in the knowledge that she'll spend every last cent she gets on psychiatric treatment. With any luck she'll get hit by a bus crossing the street to go to the shrink.

Tricia Walsh-Smith is a badly told joke followed by a pathetic punchline. She went out of her way to pester and humiliate her ex and she got a verbal slapdown that will sting a lifetime. Good for the judge and good for Philip Smith. His trash has been effectively taken to the curb.

Sweet justice

Mugshot Of The Week

2008-07-23T07:40:00.004-04:00

It's not a crime to be super good looking, so I know Linda Nudi (no shit) wasn't charged with that. It's not a crime to be unkempt or smelly, for if it was we would have to build a giant wall around Scarborough and Brampton. It's not even against the law to be a fashion basketcase, so Linda is off the hook again. It is however, against the law to steal cars, and for that Linda Nudi (no shit) is guilty as original sin.

You Were A Beatiful Baby--July 23

2008-07-23T07:05:00.003-04:00

If today is your birthday, you are in good company, for Harry Potter, Woody Harrelson and the chick that blew Clinton are also born on this day. I don't know you, of course, but I'm betting that you are at least 7 times cooler than any one of those slugs. Hell, I'll even guess that you're cooler than Charisma Carpenter, whoever the hell she is.

1989 Daniel Radcliffe (actor--the Harry Potter geek)
1980 Michelle Williams (singer--she'll be eating alone tonight)
1973 Monica Lewinsky (former white house intern)
1972 Marlon Wayans (actor)
1970 Charisma Carpenter (actress)
1965 Slash (guitarist)
1961 Woody Harrelson (actor)
1936 Don Drysdale (baseball guy)
1933 Bert Convey (TV host, actor, singer)

Your personal ruling planets are Sun and Mercury.

You are ruled by Sun and Mercury but also have the benefit of Moon and Jupiter to kick you along. These influences all point to very positive financial pathways which will be very lucky for you.

You can deal with and trade in business and finance and intuitively know when to go for a deal. You have the knack of sniffing out a winner. Avoid gambling and a tendency to keep going, even when your heart tells you "stop".

Though you can amass large amounts of material resources, you also tend to give away what you earn indiscriminately. Be a little more frugal with your hard earned cash.

Your lucky colour is green.

Your lucky gems are Emerald, Aquamarine or Jade.

Your lucky days of the week Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays.

Your lucky numbers and years of important change are 5, 14, 23, 32, 41, 50, 59, 68, 77.

Little Linkie Love

2008-07-22T22:18:00.002-04:00

I took the family camping last weekend and discovered something I should have known long before but didn't: Poor people take their families to Provincial Parks so that they can scream at them in front of dozens and dozens of people. And when you confront the screamer and explain to them that you don't want your family to be subjected to such nonsense, the screamer will agree, walk away and not scream at their family for close to 45 minutes. After that though, all bets are off. A few well thrown rocks and the occasional walk-by-campsite-give-dirty-look brings said screamer back to reality, but only for 45 minutes. After that though, all bets are off.

When I typed in the salary I make each year into the Global Rich List calculator, I found out that I am in the top .03% of the population. Did this make me feel guilty? Let's put it this way, I just lit my cigar with a savings bond.

I've never linked anything from Cracked before, generally every DIGG geek and their loser friends are all over every article like white on rice. However, The 7 Most Bizarre Fast Food Industry Lawsuits is worth a look, there's a few amusing parts.

Mark Nicodemo, Mitchieville's Minister of Information, has been working overtime lately. I suppose he's probably looking for some mad grant money or something. If he keeps sending The Mayor gems like this, he'll get his wish.

I was over at Neatorama's site today and saw an interesting post about a sex curse found at an ancient Cyprus site. From Neatorama--"A curse is inscribed in Greek on a lead tablet and part of it reads: 'May your penis hurt when you make love'," Pierre Aubert, head of Athens Archaeological School in Greece told the English language Cyprus Weekly. My God, I've been cursed!

You will sing Feist on Sesame Street. You have no choice, it's the devil's work.

Yup, 45 minutes...

Squirrel Fights 2008--Round Deux

2008-07-22T19:16:00.004-04:00

For me, there are two things I like most about Squirrel Fights: The squirrel part and the fighting part. Having said that, we had a real barn-burner last week as Double M, trained by Nancy from Naples Florida, trounced Bug Eyed Jack. To be honest, I thought there would have been a little more fight in Bug Eyed Jack, but she just didn't seem to have anything left in her...except for parts of Double M (wink wink, nudge nudge).

We have another fight tomorrow night, a fight that is sure to go down in the annals of history as one of the greatest fights ever. Kolonel Kill, trained by the Godless Commie, is up against Igor the Russian Drunk. The best part of this is that the two squirrels are commies, so even if they both kill each other, the world will be better off. Yes, take that Soviet-style governments.

The early money is on Kolonel Kill, but if Igor the Russian Drunk shows up even somewhat sober, this is going to be the fight of a lifetime.

Make sure to tune in tomorrow, this is one event that you certainly do not want to miss.

**Bug Eyed Jack is out of the competition, as he is dead from the massive head trauma he sustained last week in round 1.

Estelle Getty Is Not Alive

2008-07-22T19:00:00.003-04:00

Estelle Getty died this morning, just a few days short of her 85th birthday:

She had been battling advanced dementia for years. According to her website, she passed away in her own home, surrounded by family.

Estelle Getty was best known for her portrayal of Sophia, the mother of Dorothy on the Golden Girls.

Up until a few minutes ago, I thought that Estelle Getty was actually about 85 years old when she was on the Golden Girls. I did some quick calculations this morning and figured that if the Golden Girls ended its run in 1992, and if Estelle was 85 when it ended, that must mean that she died today at the tender age of around 101. Then TLDG told me that Estelle was playing an old woman on the show and she was much younger than the age she portrayed. This led me to say "oh".

Sure, that may not have been a good or interesting story, but it's a true story that came from my heart. And when it comes right down to it, the truth will overcome any obstacle that life puts in our way.

Think about that the next time you get so high and mighty.

Goodbye, Estelle.

What Was on Her Mind?

2008-07-22T18:44:00.001-04:00

NBA Reporter Freudian Slip - Watch more free videos

~ Sisyphus

Inside Mitchieville - July 22, 2008

2008-07-22T09:39:00.008-04:00

If only that heteronormative meanie Guy Earle * could see this website * , I am sure that he would never hold a harsh emotion towards the people who are trying to crush him. Exploring that site just proves that stereotypes do not and never have existed. Guy Earle should become a telemarketer.

Everybody has a place of safety, where they go when stressed. This is mine. Only a few of us in Toronto are interested in Hypergolic fuels * as an alternative to wasteful, polluting carbon. This is where we go to explore alternative final solutions. It is like a home for Hobbits, only Smaug would feel welcome and included there too.

As a personal growth initiative, I am replacing the plastic handles on all kitchen utensils, shop tools, and gardening implements. Note the use of wood, here. Wood is both easy to recycle, it is also a sustainable resource. I care about the planet. And your sex partner will become sexually aroused at your sensitive nature.

Devotees of Set, the Snake God will recognize this touching ritual which illustrates the virtue of sharing. It harkens back to the parable of the two crocodiles and the monkey ... who gets the front quarter, who gets the back; and who gets stuck with the giblets.

This is one of those secret society things that will make your activist co-workers squeek, and then ramble about how the struggle with depression and mental illness justifies their low effort, high paying job. What do all those symbols mean? It sure is alot more interesting to look at than the smeared feces of street graffiti.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Wrestling Isn't Always Fake

2008-07-22T08:14:00.001-04:00

Wrestlers Need A Chair And Fans Deliver - Watch more free videos
On second thought, yes it is. However, this is not fake.

This Day In History--July 22

2008-07-22T07:55:00.001-04:00

1796--Cleveland, Ohio, was founded by Gen. Moses Cleaveland.

1933--Wiley Post became the first person to fly solo around the world.

1934--John Dillinger was shot to death outside Chicago's Biograph Theater.

1937--Franklin D. Roosevelt's "court packing" scheme was rejected by the U.S. Senate.

1975--Congress restored Confederate general Robert E. Lee's U.S. citizenship.

1990--Greg LeMond won his third Tour de France. A Minnesota native, Lemond was the first American to win the great French cycling race.

2003--Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Ousay, were killed in a firefight.

You Were A Beautiful Baby--July 22

2008-07-22T07:39:00.004-04:00

In the good old days--like 20 years ago, tops--having a birthday on a Tuesday meant one thing: your friends are taking you to $2 Tuesday. Which isn't so bad, after all, it's good to be surrounded by friends and/or family on your birthday. If someone suggests to you that they want to take you to a movie for your birthday tonight, go see the new Batman, you can't go wrong. But make sure you don't get cheaped out, get your friends to buy you the extra large popcorn and the super-dooper size drink. That's good for $20.00 right there. Cha ching.

1973 Daniel Jones (singer - savage garden)
1964 David Spade (comedian, actor)
1955 Willem Dafoe (actor)
1947 Don Henley (drummer, singer)
1947 Danny Glover (actor)
1947 Albert Brooks (Einstein) (actor)
1944 Bobby Sherman (singer)
1940 Alex Trebek (game show host) )
1932 Oscar De La Renta (fashion designer)
1923 Robert Dole (US Senate majority leader)
1890 Rose Kennedy (mother of JFK, Robert, edward)

Your personal ruling planets are Moon and Uranus.

A triple Moon influence coupled with Uranus may make life an emotional roller-coaster ride if you don't learn the art of channelling and directing that enormous pool of energy. You want material successes and make achievement the sole criteria for your happiness sometimes. Don't alienate your loved ones in the pursuit for financial independence.

You have quick, almost lightning quick reactions and like to seize opportunities as and where they happen. You don't miss much in life - but try stabilising your feelings a little more.

Your lucky colours are electric blue, electric white and multi-colours.

Your lucky gems are Hessonite garnet and agate.

Your lucky days of the week Sunday and Tuesday.

Your lucky numbers and years of important change are 4, 13, 22, 31, 40, 49, 58, 67, 76.

Little Linkie Love

2008-07-21T21:43:00.002-04:00

The brainiacs at Coke decided a few years back to stop selling Vanilla Coke in Canada. And why wouldn't they, it's only the best Coke in the world. Anyway, I've been crossing the border into Buffalo the last few months, stocking up and bringing back about eight cases at a time. I've noticed, however, that Vanilla Coke is getting harder to find in Buffalo. Top's doesn't stock it now, either does Wally, and even Wegman's is hit and miss. My legitimates went to South Carolina a few weeks ago and said they couldn't find it anywhere. I have a message for the higher-ups at Coke: Start shipping Vanilla Coke back into Mitchieville or I will be forced to kill you and burn down your houses. I will even have your dogs raped by bigger dogs. Just stock me up and your troubles will go away.

Two Dogs is in a serious fight/meltdown/argument/pissing contest/slapfest with one of the elected officials in his area. You may want to read this post, it'll make you happy Two Dogs is on our side.

A wedding at the Waffle House is a beautiful thing. Weddings always make me cry, whether I'm in 'em or just attending them.

Katie Price does have impressive cleavage, which nearly makes up for the fact that her face looks like roadkill.

How this lad captures a marlin is absolutely insane, I've never seen anything like it before in my life.

I've never thought of umbrellas as tools of mass destruction, but after watching this, I've changed my mind.