Erin Rages

Down at the River

2008-09-22T08:56:00.004-05:00

Scout's wish was to go camping while he was home, so we went to the North Llano river near Junction. It was fun to see him and Tucker doing boy things together.

Swimming in the river:

Drinking beer:

And feeding the fish (Scout calls it "fishing"):

More Pictures

2008-09-22T08:44:00.004-05:00

Tucker loves to eat. And make a mess doing so.

"Hey, bitches! Does this plate look full to you?":

Papacito's and black refried beans - Tucker's favorite (thanks, Dad):

Pralines 'n Cream ice cream - another new favorite (thanks, Scout):

Scout and Tucker

2008-09-22T08:26:00.003-05:00

It feels like Scout just got here - it's amazing how two weeks can go by so quickly.

Him and Tucker have been like peas and carrots. I was a little nervous that Tucker would be a mama's boy with a strange man in the house, but it's been quite the opposite. Tucker will now turn his head when I try to kiss him while Daddy is holding him. He doesn't want me to hold him if there's a choice between Scout and me. And his first word came two days after Scout got here: Dada. I guess we have a daddy's boy on our hands? That's perfectly fine with me.

At the airport:

Hanging out by the pool:

Driving Daddy's truck:

Daddy + remnants of ice cream melting down one's face = the perfect day:

Blah

2008-08-23T20:49:00.002-05:00

I'm exhausted. School starts on Monday and I'm ready to meet my students. And Scout comes home in two weeks for R & R. And Kansas keeps finding cats in our backyard and killing them (and then eats them afterwards, trying with all her might to get away from me with the dead cat in her mouth, while I try to pry the rotting flesh away from her, intestines and all hanging out). And my house is a disaster. And I spend all of my spare time watching Tucker do whatever it is that he does because he's so damn cute (oh, how I love him). And I have tons of homework to get done. And lesson plans. But mostly the rotting cat flesh (and the thought of a cat dying in such a horrible way) is what is bothering me today.

I don't foresee having a lot of time to blog in the near future, particularly if any other stray cats make it into my yard. Dude, cleaning up that crap sucks.

So, my friends, good-bye for now. Hopefully I'll have time once in a while to let y'all know what's going on.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-13T00:00:00.002-05:00

If I Die...

2008-08-12T22:25:00.007-05:00

...this is how I would like to sum up my life. It's the best compliment I think I've ever received:

Talking to Erin is like wearing your favorite jammies in front of the fireplace. It just feels good.

AlliCadem came to my house this weekend and it was absolutely what I needed. During a time when I felt like a Big Fat Failure, she was able to see me just for me. No expectations. I needed that.

It's good to be around someone that is Chill. And has the "Whatever, Dude" mentality. Sorry, AlliCadem, I don't have any food in my house. "Whatever, Dude. Let's go to Ruth's Chris." Sorry, AlliCadem, my AC doesn't really do much upstairs (where you'll be sleeping). "Whatever, Dude. It's all good."

I've found someone that I can just Be around. I don't have to be Erin Rages, or Tucker's mom, or the funny girl that's good at holding a conversation. I don't have to stroke her ego. I don't have to be anything I'm not. I can just Be. Around her, I just Am. I love that more than she'll ever know.

If you can find someone that's able to bring this out in you, hold onto them for dear life. And try not to sound totally desperate when you leave them a voice mail saying, "Ok, so I've decided that you need to move here. Like, immediately."

Seattle, Continued

2008-08-10T22:54:00.004-05:00

While in Seattle, I got to see my Aunt Penny and Uncle Bruce. Bonus: They always cook me amazing food. This time it was cheese burgers, grilled (perfectly), of course. On a sunny Seattle day, there's nothing better.

My Uncle has a rooftop garden that was absolutely amazing. Really, who climbs up a ladder, builds a green house, and grows tasty vegetables on a roof? My Uncle does. And it was totally impressive:

And of course, my mom waited until I was imitating someone to snap a picture of me and my biggest fan:

They have a great backyard too, where my mom snapped this devilish picture of Tucker pulling my hair:

Seattle

2008-08-10T22:01:00.003-05:00

Every time I fly into the SeaTac airport, I am amazed by the beauty of the Northwest. I love how green and lush it is. It was so nice to spend a few days there last week. And I found myself thinking as we crossed the Tacoma Narrows Bridge to Gig Harbor how lucky I was to be able to say I was from that area.

I went there to see my family, particularly my fat little niece, Butterball, and my sister, Meghan. I have no idea how it happened, but I only came away with one picture of Butterball and me (and of course, I'm in Full Lounge Mode - I have no bra on, I'm wearing one of Scout's old t-shirts, and I'm sure I hadn't showered yet - totally not presentable for a picture). Butterball was such a sweetheart though. (It's strange how different babies are, and I found myself still feeling a newness about holding her - I've gotten so used to how Tucker eats, sleeps, laughs, and plays that I felt like I didn't really know what I was doing!)

On about four different peoples' cameras, there are pictures of Tucker being a bully and stealing Butterball's binky, but somehow I didn't come away with any of those pictures either! But here's one of Tucker schmoozing with Grandma Seattle:

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-06T16:44:00.003-05:00

Key Peninsula
Gig Harbor, Washington

Holy F*ck

2008-07-29T00:30:00.002-05:00

If you thought it was bad last time, take a look at what my second laser treatment did:

I'm one happy-fucking-camper.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-07-23T11:08:00.001-05:00

Collection

2008-07-14T22:46:00.003-05:00

I about freaked out today when I found a new piece for my Dish-With-Recipe collection (at Goodwill, for $5.99 - awesome). It's from 1983 (really, who doesn't love the 80s?), and is still beautiful and lovely. It joins the apple pie, macaroni and cheese, and taco salad dishes that I've acquired. And I love it:

Just for fun - Tucker talking to his daddy. And yes, he is always this happy when he talks to Scout:

After obtaining a blogger crush on this girl, I've started embroidering. Not that I have time to embroider. But I have the tea towels, four books with iron on patterns, and the delusion that I will have time to make everyone's Christmas presents by, well, Christmas. Yeah.

Last but certainly not least - I met one of my favorite bloggers yesterday for dinner in San Antonio. My children were squirmy, the food was so-so, but the company was amazing. I could have talked to her for sixteen more hours if I didn't have to make the three hour drive home. She has a warm smile and the ability to make me feel comfortable (don't you love people like that?). She doesn't seem shocked by much, has a great laugh, and she seems to just get me. I'm sure anyone watching us from another table would have guessed that we had been friends since childhood. And she even paid for dinner (which of course gives me the excuse to hang out with her again - so I can return the favor). So thanks, AlliCadem, for a wonderful evening. :)

Excuse me, ma'am. Your vagina is showing.

2008-07-07T23:48:00.005-05:00

So it's been about two weeks since I quit smoking, and I'm feeling really good. The problem with the medication that's helping me to quit (Chantix) is that I'm sleepy all day long (whether I take a nap or not) and wide awake at night. It's not working with my schedule to say the least (but hey, I'm not smoking either).

Tonight I've been tossing, turning, and thinking about a lady I saw at the pool the other day. I don't know what's more disturbing - the fact that she was wearing what she was wearing, or the fact that I can't get it out of my mind. You decide.

I'm the last person to say that there should be some kind of code for who can or cannot wear bikinis. I'm sure if there were such a code, I would be one of the first to be excluded. However, I do wear one from time to time. My theory: A one-piece doesn't hide the fat. So to hell with it - I'm going to get a better tan.

Well, as Scout Jr was swimming with a friend of hers, I was holding Tucker and soaking up the sun with a friend of mine. A woman walked past me in what seemed to be a decent bathing suit from the front: A basic black bikini. However, as she continued walking by me, my mouth dropped open and I could not believe what I saw. From the side view, her bikini was extremely high cut and her lower abdomen had some rolls that poked out quite far. The combination of the two exposed her Paul Bunyan (don't make me spell that one out for you). I am telling you - I could tell what number blade she used to trim. Seriously, it was that bad.

I had some conflicting thoughts. Should I tell her that her vagina is...um. Wait, how do you tell someone that their privates are hanging out? Does she know that she should have just left the bottom half of her bikini at home? But maybe she honestly doesn't realize? Maybe she adjusted the suit just right at home, and by the time she got to the pool, it was all jacked up and inappropriate?

Needless to say, I didn't tell the woman about the situation south of her belly button. I mean really. I can't imagine walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me, ma'am. Your vagina is showing."

No, wouldn't happen. But I really wish I could get it out of my mind and get some sleep!

I Got It

2008-07-01T18:29:00.003-05:00

Thanks for all of the good wishes; I got the job! I'll be teaching eighth grade Career and Investigation (don't ask me what that means quite yet - I have training in a couple of weeks). All I know is that it is computer based and that every student in the school will be in my class at some point.

The interview wasn't what I would have called incredibly successful. At one point, I started rambling and repeating myself, and then said, "Now that was eloquent, wasn't it?" Luckily, the principal found me charming and a "perfect fit". He called me on the phone today to welcome me aboard. It's comforting to have someone that seems so genuinely kind.

Argh. I guess that means I have to get some new clothes. :)

I Hate Interviews

2008-06-29T22:23:00.005-05:00

Well, I guess I should say I hate preparing for interviews.

I've noticed a pattern emerging: I buy an interview outfit. Interview outfit doesn't fit the night before interview. I freak out. I tear my closet apart and do six loads of laundry in an attempt to find appropriate attire. I return the interview outfit that I bought.

I have a few strikes against me:

1) It is freakin' hot in Texas (toward the end of June, may I remind you).
2) I have a tattoo the size of Montana on my forearm that I'd rather not show off to prospective employers (and I still have 4-7 laser treatments left).
3) It's freakin' hot in Texas.

Translation: I have to wear long sleeves in order to hide my tattoo, but it's so hot outside that my waterproof mascara and tinted moisturizer melt off by 8am. Long sleeves in the summer heat just don't make me happy.

So I'm up waiting for another load of laundry to come out of the dryer. And my closet full of clean clothes has yielded no results. Here's to hoping I show up to the interview with more than a bikini on.

A Few of my Favorite Things

2008-06-28T21:25:00.004-05:00

My poolside baby in sun glasses:

Bribery ("If you get the tub sparkling, we'll go swimming today." Ha. Maybe I am an evil stepmother):

Family pictures:

Do I look like a teacher? I hope so. Not that looking like a teacher will land me a job or make me successful at that job, but I have an interview for a teaching position on Monday. And considering that I've prepared my brain as much as I can up until this point, all I can think about is my outfit and grooming. I guess that means I'll have to shave - there's no way on earth I'd leave the house with nylons on in this Texas heat (not that I've ever been a fan of those nasty things anyway).

I'm at the point in the deployment (almost four months in) where I'm looking for things to be excited about. It's gotten old pretty quickly, and I have had more than enough loneliness to contend with. But then I remember that I'm the one that has it easy - Scout's the one out fighting the bad guys and saving little children and crazy heroic stuff that you don't really hear enough about on the news. So I tell myself, "There's no time for a pity party, Erin. Stop being an asshole and get on with it."

So that's it in a very small nutshell. We've been extremely busy. And it won't stop any time soon (we still have a quilt to make, belugas to swim with, and cooking and CSI classes to take before July 18th when Scout Jr goes home).

Crazy

2008-06-17T09:50:00.004-05:00

Since Thursday, I have succeeded in the following:

1) Drove to Louisiana, with a screaming baby and a neurotic dog, to pick up Scout Jr.

2) Shared a hotel room with my husband's ex-wife's mother, Scout Jr, Tucker, and the neurotic dog. And it was actually quite pleasant.

3) Drove to San Antonio (from Louisiana) to visit the parents, with Scout Jr, Tucker, and neurotic dog.

4) Took my dad and Scout Jr to the shooting range for Father's Day:

5) Woke up at 5am yesterday, drove to Austin, dropped off the neurotic dog to be spayed. Found things to keep a nine-year old and an infant busy all day; McDonald's for breakfast, my favorite thrift store, the state capital, downtown Austin, and a Duck Tour (it was 101 degrees yesterday - and sitting on plastic seats for 75 minutes on a bus with no AC makes your butt sweat - AWESOME).

6) Showed up at 4:30 pm to pick up the neurotic dog and they refused to let us pick her up until five. Waited until 5:15 and left with the dog, a screaming baby, and a tired but optimistic nine-year old. Showed up for Austin traffic, got through it about 7:15. Went to McDonald's a second time (terrible, I know), got dinner and headed back home, then realizing we forgot our drinks at the drive-thru and had to turn around. Huge mess.

7) Got home at eight with a tired crew. We survived the almost three hour drive (Austin to Killeen is usually about an hour).

It's good to be home. Now I have to study for an upcoming exam, get some schoolwork done, quit smoking (again), start Weight Watchers (again) and continue to entertain two children. :)

Teagan

2008-06-11T18:36:00.002-05:00

I am soooooo excited to announce that my baby sister and brother in-law had their daughter today.

Y'all ready for this? Their FIRST child weighed in at 11 pounds, 3 ounces!

I wish I had a picture to share, but it will probably be a few days.

Congratulations, you guys!

Things I've Learned

2008-06-03T10:07:00.002-05:00

It's been almost three months since Scout left, and I've formed a few mantras in that time:

1. After a mini-crisis, a solution will come. It just will. No matter how much you fret about it, it will either end in disaster or resolution. And it almost never ends in disaster. Either way, getting through it (particularly if an emotional breakdown is involved) will make you fierce. And strong. And you'll start to see the world differently the next time all the light bulbs in the kitchen burn out at the same time when you have none to replace them with. Doing dishes in the dark will be humorous, not tragic.

2. Yes, you will hear others whining about their husband being gone for ten days. Resist the urge to roll your eyes and judge. Someone always has it better than you; be happy for them, not bitter. But someone always has it worse, so keep your mouth shut and don't complain. Your husband is alive. Your child is healthy. Your bills are paid. You have a good haircut.

3. Even when you have "enough" money, there will never really be enough. Various financial needs will arise all at the same time. That's why you have savings. Don't get stressed out about transferring the money to checking when your dog needs an emergency spay. It is what it is.

Gulp

2008-06-02T12:43:00.002-05:00

I published my first post at SpouseBUZZ today. I just about threw up in my mouth as I clicked on "Submit."

In the latest Kansas saga (it's always something), she might be knocked up. I use that term because it's not a happy event; the last thing the world needs is more puppies (if you have any doubts, visit your local animal shelter).

She's in heat. And like a good dog owner, I have every intention of getting her spayed. I have it on a list of 1,743 other things I need to get done. Apparently, I should have put it at the top of the list before she went into heat.

I have a fence all the way around my backyard. But when I looked outside on Sunday morning, I saw the neighbor's male dog in our yard. Oh, damn. Apparently, male dogs will do whatever it takes to reach a female dog in heat.

I went over there to tell them to come get their dog, but no one answered the door. I had to leave the house for the 5k, so I convinced myself that if he wasn't neutered, they would have already mated.

When I got back from the marathon, the dog was gone. So I trotted over to the neighbor's house to make sure they got him back. When I nonchalantly asked if he was neutered, she said no ("But he's old. I don't think he could mate," she told me. Oh yeah? If he's so damn old, how the hell did he jump the fence?). ARGH.

So a trip to the vet's office for a canine version of the morning-after pill just frustrated me more. Apparently, my mom was lying and there is no such thing. So to get her fixed? $278. Absolutely ridiculous. Needless to say, I'll be shopping around. I think I have the most expensive vet in the state of Texas.

Run for the Rovers

2008-06-01T19:30:00.004-05:00

ABW and I completed our second 5k today (although, as I hacked up part of a lung, I seriously wondered if I would make it to the finish line; I can't seem to get rid of my cold).

It was a race put on by Blue Dog Rescue, whose cause is something near and dear to my heart.

It was so much fun to see all of the different dogs there; from the conversations I overheard, most of them were rescued in some form or fashion. It was lovely to be there.

After the race:

Lewis was absolutely exhausted (and has a horrible hair cut by the way. I don't want to get into that story right now.):

So many dogs laid in the pools that were designated for drinking, but this is the only one I caught in action. Hilarious!:

And it's so nice to have a friend who can actually take a picture of me with Tucker. All the pictures I take are of him in his crib!:

More 5k Pictures

2008-06-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

Tucker has succeeded in demolishing the stroller with his regurgitated milk:

ABW is exhausted:

But she pretends to like Lewis long enough to take a picture with him :):

And here's the little dog who refused to finish the race on foot. His owners had to carry him across the finish line:

Mixed Bag

2008-05-28T17:57:00.005-05:00

I have been such a lazy blogger lately. I lay in bed at night, which seems to be when eloquent, articulate posts start to culminate in my head (but somehow, my brain can't convince my body to get up and write).

So I present to you a mixed bag. There's so much more. But here are the highlights.

First of all, I am extremely excited to announce that I've been asked to join the SpouseBUZZ team as a contributing author. I can't express how honored I am to be able to surround myself with the authors and readers that make SpouseBUZZ what it is. Really, there are no words that could come close to telling you guys how awesome I think this is. Very exciting, indeed.

Total change of subject. Brace yourselves. This is what my arm looks like, 24 hours after my first tattoo removal treatment. It's comical, really, how badly it hurt. I was screaming combinations of cuss words I'm sure no one has ever heard before. And in between, I'd apologize. And then continue to scream:

Tucker was having the same kind of day:

And Chevy, the cat, is getting shaved bald this week. Hair balls have been a daily event at the Scout household, and it's going to stop. Add to the mix a dog in heat (who is getting spayed soon), and another dog allergic to everything on the planet (who is now on steroids). I think I'm very close to losing my mind.

In a strange turn of events, Scout's ex-wife called me out of the blue and said, "So, do you want Scout Jr. for the summer?" UM. HELL YES! So I will be a full-time mother of two very shortly. I can't wait. :)

Study Groups

2008-05-21T22:10:00.003-05:00

If I had to pick the one thing that I hate most about formal education, my answer would be this: Study groups.

I'm a little antsy with my upcoming teacher certification, which I am completing online. ABW has asked me if I'll have study groups, to which I reply, "I sure as hell hope not" and then go into an explanation why I think it's unlikely that study groups will be used (that, my dears, is a little friend I like to call Denial).

When I was finishing up my degree, I had study groups in every single freakin' class. I would have dropped out had I known that fact before hand. If you've had even one bad study group experience, you know exactly what I'm talking about (particularly if you're like me: You are the one person in a group of four that actually takes a project seriously. While all three of the others are doing godknowswhat, you're creating, revising, and editing the project. And those assholes get the same 97% that you do, and then one of them has the nerve to tell you that the group would have gotten 100% had you done a better job.)

Well, I was perusing my pictures the other day, and the bad study group memories suddenly rushed to the surface of my thoughts. This girl was perhaps the worst study group member. Ever:

Lord help me if I have to deal with one more stupid study group.

Yesterday

2008-05-19T08:33:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I had a migraine.

I woke up with back and neck pain, due in part to the expensive pillow-top recently purchased piece of crap mattress we have (I knew we should have splurged on a Tempur-Pedic or Sleep Number bed).

Because I get rebound headaches when I take ibuprofen, I refused to take any. So I put heat on my muscles all day and iced my head, which started hurting shortly after I woke up. Despite my best efforts, it quickly went from slight annoyance to miserable pain.

So I took care of Tucker's basic needs, and cuddled him as much as I possibly could without giving into the nausea that had overtaken me. We watched Lifetime movies all day (with the volume at a barely audible level).

So then, when it came time to feed the dogs, I lamely dragged in a new 55 pound bag of dog food from the garage (which had only been there since Thursday). When I opened the bag, there was mold throughout. Not just the powdery mold - it was hairy, nasty, clumpy mold. The whole bag was ruined. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" kept repeating in my head.

So I took out a bag of frozen chicken and cooked it on the George Foreman. I took out a bag of frozen peas and boiled them. After dividing it all among five bowls, I poured vegetable soup over it for some flavor. The dogs loved it. But then they sat by the opened bag of spoiled dog food as if to say, "When do we get some of that?"

I barely had any energy left to make myself a sandwich.

Tucker and I went to bed at 8pm (a new record for me), and I prayed that when I woke up it the migraine would be gone. Luckily, someone took pity on me and granted my request.

So today, I can't help but look back and laugh at how absurdly miserable I was. There was nothing funny about it at the time, but I can at least smile today, thankful that yesterday is gone.

And I got through it. By myself.