What the hell am I looking for...

Rest in Peace

2009-02-23T20:04:00.002-05:00

The Firefighter's Prayer

When I am called to duty, God, whenever flames may rage
Give me strength to save some life, whatever be its age
Help me embrace a little child before it is too late
Or save an older person from the horror of that fate
Enable me to be alert and hear the weakest shout
And quickly and efficiently to put the fire out
I want to fill my calling and to give the best in me
To guard my every neighbor and protect his property
And if, according to my fate, I am to lose my life
Please bless with Your protecting hand my children and my wife.
Author Unknown

Rest in Peace, forever.

Johnnie Hammons
Timmy Nicholas

You're in the arms of the angel...may you find some comfort here.

Change has come...

2009-01-21T21:18:00.002-05:00

...in so many ways. Yeah, I realize it's been a LOOOONG time since I wrote anything. I decided to stop blogging until I had something to actually blog about. And as luck would have it, I finally do. I'm employed! Officially, completely employed! Yay me! As of Feb. 2nd, I will be an employee of the State of WV. Those of you who know me know that a government job has long been one of my dreams. And it's soooo nice to see a dream come true.

You know what else is nice? Seeing our new President hit the ground running. I have to say, I'm impressed with his first 24 hours. Hopefully he keeps the momentum going through the next four years. He won't be able to fix us in 4 years, but hopefully he can stop the downward spiral.

AND...it's nice to get on a computer that WORKS. Mine worked ok, but for some reason, in the past few weeks, it just was NOT cooperating. Came to the conclusion that it was a memory problem, so I bought some more RAM to install. Knock on wood, but my computer seems to be running perfectly now...FOR now, that is.

And yes, Stef, if you're reading this, I'm STILL working on that '25 random things' list. I'm up to #21 now, though...Almost there. And I too have been spending waaaay too much time on Facebook. But give me a break! This is my first week on the site...I have to explore!

spread the wealth!!!...???

2008-10-23T17:11:00.003-04:00

I'm stealing this from Stephanie, because I couldn't agree more. I'm so plagiarizing the hell outta this! Love you Stef!

From CNN:
Barack Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they’ve got a chance at success too,” Obama told the plumber. “My attitude is that if the economy’s good for folks from the bottom up, it’s going be good for everybody. If you’ve got a plumbing business, you’re gonna be better off if you’ve got a whole bunch of customers who can afford to hire you, and right now everybody’s so pinched that business is bad for everybody, and I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”

So… to all my friends that make more money than I do… I’ll be looking for you to send me a check. Since you make more than me, you should help me out - and it will be good for us both.

Stef's website also has a quote from Abraham Lincoln, who is/was my favorite prez...which I'm also stealing. But is it really stealing if you're putting something someone ELSE said that another person has on their site? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

“That some should be rich, shows that others may become rich, and hence is just encouragement to industry and enterprise. Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another; but let him labor diligently and build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built.”

the last ten years...

2008-09-02T01:44:00.001-04:00

so here it is, the last day of my 20s. i know age is just a number, but i don't know. it just feels...different. like, my youth is officially leaving me. i still remember when 30 was old. i still think 30 IS old. and i was having a conversation with myself, as i typically do on the nights larry is working, thinking about football. i was cussing the ucla quarterback. thought, that #$%#%^# kid. and i laughed that i called him a kid. and then i realized he IS a kid. according to the scout.com webpage, he was born in 1985. i was in like, 3rd grade when he was born. so yeah, i have every right to call him a kid. and then i realized i'm TWELVE years older than most college freshman this semester. *sigh*. i need to quit realizing things. i'm gonna check myself into a psych hospital on wednesday if i don't. so, as i'm off to bed, here is the list i've been diligently working on. my twenties. the last ten years. they started in 1998 (hard to believe) and end tomorrow. i'm sure i've left plenty off, but i think i hit most of the highlights. enjoy.

1998—I met Kendra, who to this day is my nearest and dearest girlfriend.

1999—I got my Associate’s degree, started ETSU, turned 21, and my sister Brenda died. Moved. I left my family for the first time to go to a school approximately 171 miles away. My family moved from TN back to WV, which put me even farther from them.

2000—my dad died. L Moved. Started my senior year of college and met Nikki, Nicole, and Stephanie, 3 of the greatest girls EVER!

2001—I got my BS from ETSU and started grad school at UT. GO VOLS! Moved. Went to my first UT game…HEAVEN! Met Rachel, Vandaly, and a lot of other great people I still talk to from time to time.

2002—Lots of firsts this year…lived alone for the first time in a dungeon apartment in Knoxville. LOVED IT. Flew in a plane. LOVED IT. Flew ACROSS COUNTRY. Also…LOVED. Saw the ocean for the first time in Santa Cruz, CA. LOVED LOVED LOVED.

2003—graduated UT with my Master’s degree, probably had a quarter-life crisis, due to moving back to WV. Haha. Got an awesome graduation present—a trip to Daytona Beach. First time I ever saw the Atlantic. Got my first after-graduation job at a mental health center.

2004—bought my very first car ever, solely in MY name. A green Pontiac Sunfire. We had some good times. Took the first “family vacation”. Four of us went to Myrtle Beach…such a blast.

2005—Chaney turned TEN! Left one mental health job for another. Moved. Went to the Outer Banks. Another great time.

2006—fell in love, got engaged in Washington, DC. Left mental health for good (hopefully), and started at a private Christian counseling agency, then left it to go to a nursing home. Moved.

2007—Left the nursing home job for an awesome job as an academic coach in a middle school in Va. Went back to Myrtle Beach. Larry’s brother Bobby died. Lost my best friend. Moved. Got my Trixie puppy. I love her!
2008—Chaney is THIRTEEN!! obviously, turned THIRTY. Geez! Haven’t moved…yet. Got another puppy…Daisy. *sigh*

Fire in the hole

2008-08-31T00:45:00.002-04:00

Let me start this post by saying WOW. I just noticed that this makes the 2nd post in the same month! I'm doing GREAT. The reason behind this post is the fact that I just noticed something totally absurd in my kitchen. Have you ever read those emails with stupid warning labels? Yeah, I found one of my very own. I don't usually pay attention to detail, being so wrapped up in my own little world, so this would've come up long ago if only I paid attention. But, better late than never, huh?

I was standing in my kitchen earlier doing something with the microwave. My guess is I was nuking something, but I honestly couldn't tell you. Sometimes I just stand there and pretend to look busy, I think. Who knows. Annnnyway, I noticed a box of chewy Atomic Fireballs sitting on top of the microwave that I've had for literally months. At least 3, I'd say. Well, until this moment I never noticed the warning label. And I swear to you, if the puppy hadn't chewed up my battery charger cable for my camera, I'd take a picture just to prove it. Don't ask me to do it with my cell phone; I have no freaking clue how to use that alien piece of crap. But that's another tangent. I caught, out of the corner of my eye, and bright yellow triangle-shaped warning label at the bottom of this box. It says, and I swear to you: Caution: Extreme Heat! Oh, and there's a pretty little campfire looking graphic too.

Hmmmm...do you see where I'm going with this? I have 2 thoughts. The first is, they're not really THAT hot. The second is, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? They're called ATOMIC FIREBALLS. Not...Icy Melons. The name itself implies heat of some degree. I want to know who the idiot is who bought these and was like, 'daaaaaaaaaaang, these are freaking HOT!' 'Cause you know that same damn dumb idiot probably brought a lawsuit against this company for that very reason, prompting this warning label. Because that's the jacked up country we live in these days.

So, the moral of the story, in case you didn't know: ATOMIC FIREBALLS ARE HOT.

Countdown to 30...EEK!

2008-08-05T00:47:00.003-04:00

Shocking! It's only been 2 months since my last post! I'm getting better! I still don't really have anything to say. I'm TRYING to find a job. I've applied for 3 in the past 2 days...does that count? In any case, I now have my substitute license, so when school starts, I can at least do that until something better comes along. Like that's gonna happen.

Here it is...less than a month until I turn the big 3-0. Ugh. I want to be a fine wine and get better with age, but I feel more like...oh, I don't know...bread. I feel moldy. I have moldy buns! :-P

So yeah, I have a 13 year old. And it is DEFINITELY showing. There's no misataking her age now. She does her best every day to prove why some animal mothers EAT THEIR YOUNG. I love her to death, but one of two things is gonna happen: either one of us will not survive this, or I'm gonna be the size of a freaking blue whale by the time she turns 18 from stress eating.

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm bipolar. I have these awesome mood swings (although not so awesome for those around me), I'm up, I'm down, I'm happy, I'm mad, I'm depressed, I'm tired...most of the time, all at once! Oh wait...that's not bipolar...that's being a WOMAN! But you know what they say. Behind every bitch is a man who made her that way.

Life's just been a box of chocolates lately...or a jar of jalapenos, rather. Spent $1800 on a car that we bought from a guy who works with our next-door neighbor. A 95 Honda Civic. This car was awesome. Larry got 40 freaking miles a gallon! Then, one day, 2 months later...the car just dies. ??? Come to find out, the sorry sonsabitches GLUED the crankshaft to the freaking engine! So yeah, the engine's unfixable (is that a word? it is now). So, we looked into putting a new engine in it. Idiots took a 1.6 liter engine and crammed it into a 1.5 liter car. It just gets better and better! The cheapest 1.6 we could find was $850, and a new crankshaft with everything that's needed to put it in runs about $500. So I'm driving the damn thing off a cliff. Not really, but we are getting rid of it. That's a painful lesson. DON'T BUY ANYTHING FROM SOME STUPID RANDOM PERSON. That's your advice for the day. Of course, y'all probably already knew that, but we were desperate and we thought our next-door neighbor would be a decent guy. Hell, he may not even know, I don't know. I guess one of the guys who works for him coulda put the engine in, but there's no way you could miss a glued in crankshaft!!

And of course, the day after we find out all this about the car, Larry has a dr. appointment. He leaves in the Jeep, so I could take the Kia and take the kids swimming, since all the stuff was already in it. He gets down the road...has a flat tire. Brings it back, trades me cars, and goes on about his way, now late. I called the dr and let them know. They were great about it. We go swimming at our favorite little swimming hole, and it comes time to take Chaney to majorette practice. I grab the Kia and leave, and he takes the other keys. I get all the way back home, only to realize HE TOOK THE WRONG KEY. I still had the Jeep key, but he took the HOUSE KEY! I sat there for about 10 minutes getting royally pissed, wondering where the hell he went. I thought he took he key on purpose. I HAD TO BREAK IN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE. Scary thing is, I know how easily it can be done. Finally got ahold of him on his cell, and realized that he didn't have the Jeep key at all, so he'd been sitting at the swimming hole for an HOUR now. All I could do was laugh. What else can you do in that situation? You can either beat it or let it beat you. You have to laugh or you'll drive yourself and everybody else insane. Murphy's Law, baby. That's all I can say. When it rains, it freaking pours!

So that's that. Just keep waiting to see what comes next. I'll keep you posted. :-)

It's Been Awhile...

2008-06-01T01:34:00.002-04:00

I didn't know I hadn't blogged since February! But what's the point, when you have no life anymore? I mean, it's a serious case of SSDD. I've been thinking a lot lately, though, doing a lot of introspection and taking a lot of walks down good ole' memory lane. The main thing that keeps haunting me is this: after all the miles and years and (poetically) smiles and tears...I'm right back where I started. I don't know if anybody out there understands this, but to me, especially with this town, is amazingly disappointing. Even though I KNOW I have, and I have the pictures to prove that I have, it makes me feel like I've done nothing with my life. I haven't had a job in over a year now, but not for lack of trying. For those of you who don't know anything about where I live, let me put it to you this way. This town is taking its last gasps of breath as it sloooooooooooowly dies, taking everyone with it. Once, this town was booming. But then the coal companies went belly-up and that was that. Now, there's nothing here but a little movie store, Dollar General, Rite Aid, Foodland, and 3 little gas stations. I've ALWAYS wondered why we need 3, but then I remember hell, there used to be FOUR! Oh wait, and I'm forgetting the Dairy Queen, C&S Restaurant, and the 3 BARS. Hmmm...3 bars, 3 gas stations. If that doesn't promote drinking and driving, I don't know what does. Still don't get it? Ok, here's the clincher: I'm 25 miles from Wal-Mart, and over an hour away from the nearest mall. NOW do you understand?!?! Thought so.

I've also been thinking a lot about the people who've been in my life. Some are still in my life. Most aren't. Of course, it's the ones who aren't who stay on your mind more than the ones who are. Isn't it funny that things seem such a big deal at the time, but when you're sitting at your computer years down the road, you can't remember whatever happened to end it? I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, but all relationships. I know everyone can't always stay in your life. However in the world would you be able to fit them all in and have time for all of them? But every once in awhile, there's someone who once meant the world to you, and who still does, but isn't in your life anymore, and you don't have a clue as to why or what exactly happened. I guess it all boils down to time and distance. And I'm extremely thankful to have had each and every person in my past in my life at all, for however long they were here. Every single person that has blown across my life has shaped me and changed me in some way. I am who I am because of them. I just hope they remember me as I remember them and I hope they know how much they meant to my life.

This is SO not where I was going to go with this, but evidently my heart had other plans. I just read what I typed and thought about erasing it all, but then I decided to just leave it and let it be. I go into a daze sometimes when I'm blogging, and don't even really realize what I'm writing until after the fact. Kind of a free association type thing. This is one of those times. So, there you have it. Have at it.

Things that piss me off...ROUND ONE

2008-02-23T01:37:00.001-05:00

ding ding...round one. Thank you Paul. This could prove to be very cathartic, getting all this pent-up irritation off my chest. Sad thing is, I'm getting a long list. I'll start with 10. And add more as the days progess, without question. Keep in mind that these are in no particular order, as each one infuriates me as much as the next. I like my dog more than most of the general population these days.

1. People trying every way in this whole wide world to get on disability. Can't be around people, gotta bad back, have anxiety attacks about work. Well, here's my advice. PUT ON YOUR BIG PEOPLE PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT. Sure you can be around people; you're around PLENTY in Wal-Mart, aren't ya? Bad back my big butt...so why are you working out like you're trying to be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, throwing around hundreds of pounds when you think nobody's looking? Nobody's going to believe you're in too much pain to work when you walk around looking like a freaking tank! I have anxiety attacks about work too, but mine revolve around going to work and having to deal with people like you.

2. APOSTROPHES!!! Seriously, how did you guys EVER graduate? I hate to burst your bubble, but every little plural word in the English language does NOT need an apostrophe between the singular word and the 's' that follows. In fact, NONE OF THEM DO! There was a store in Bluefield that I passed daily on my way to and from work. I wanted to go off on these people SOOO bad. The name of the store? Pet's and Thing's. Even the biggest car dealership there was guilty of it! Their bulletin on the freaking highway said they were the largest dealership "in the two Virginia's". HOLY CRAP. Go back to grade school and DO NOT COME OUT until you can punctuate correctly.

3. Emails. I swear, if I get another email telling me to enlarge certain body parts that I DON'T HAVE, I'm going to hunt the people down who are sending them and rip their arms off and beat them to death with them. Actually, probably not. I'd LOVE to send them every single useless piece of junk mail I can get my hands on though. I do get a lot of mail addressed to me as "Mr.", so it makes me wonder...but come on! Last time i checked, i had the OTHER parts. i've HAD the other parts for almost 30 years now!

4. White boys who think they're black. Seriously dude, YOU'RE WHITE. really pale ghostly white. poorly imitating ebonics, wearing your pants down around your knees and your baseball cap on all cock-eyed won't change that fact. you just look like an idiot. take all your little blingy crap off, pull your pants up, put a freaking belt on, and fix your stupid hat, or if that's too much for you, take the stupid thing off.

5. the neighbor who revs his engine every day for an hour. dude, really? gas is $3.29 a gallon, for starters. and unless it's a ferrari or a lamborghini, i'm not impressed. i'm annoyed. stop.

6. i already covered this in an earlier blog, but it bears repeating. PEOPLE WHO GOSSIP INCESSANTLY. i admit, i'm guilty of the occasional "holy crap, did you know...", but i have a life. that does not revolve around what everyone else is doing. and i really wish people would get a life that didn't revolve around what I'M doing. i'm not that interesting. really. i already told you, when i DO get married and have a baby, i'll take out a full-page ad in the paper for you people, since you seem so concerned with my life. until then, BUTT OUT. like the great hank williams said, if you mind your own business, then you won't be minding mine.

7. i know i'm guilty of having a little bit of a lead foot myself, but this next one is huge for me. it's people who drive too fast. now, i'll be the first to admit i used to think i was invincible and thought my car had wings when i was younger, but i mostly grew out of that. but when i'm going down the interstate with my family in the car, and we're doing 70, 75, and some idiot comes up and flies around me like i'm going BACKWARDS, that's just too much. that's just STUPID. do you have a death wish? i sure don't! going that fast to get wherever you're going isn't going to be worth it when you don't even make it! it's just careless, reckless, and puts everyone in danger. and i really don't appreciate you putting me and my family in danger just because you're in a hurry. leave earlier!

8. BUT, on the other side, i also have a huge irritation with people who drive too SLOW. i know the speed limit on the main roads here from one town to the next is 55. it's ok to do over FORTY. i promise. i REALLY hate people who do 40 on the curves when you can't pass them, but then speed up to like, 60 when you come to a straight stretch to make it almost impossible to pass them. and then, there are the ones who drive really really slow and keep slamming on their brakes trying to get you to rear end them so they can sue you and get money and get rid of their crappy cars. yeah, you do that. go riiiiiiiiiiight ahead. i can guarantee you're not going to like what's going to happen if one day you should succeed.

9. WELFARE. now, i have no problem at all with using it as a temporary solution if you have no other choice. that's what it's there for. but when it's month after month, year after year, and we're busting our butts working to pay taxes to support YOU, i have a HUGE problem with it. stop popping out the kids (there's a little something call birth control, people! you should try it!), stop taking your welfare checks and buying beer with it (or pills, in this town), and do something! stop complaining about being out of money at the end of the month. stop complaining about the government and your checks. you're lucky you live in a country where the government DOES this for you. if you don't like it, GET A JOB. get a job anyway. i'm tired of supporting you.

10. sperm donors. especially ONE in particular. that's all i'm going to say about this one. those of you who know me know EXACTLY what my thoughts are on this one.

so there you have it. round one. i'm about halfway through my list, but i thought i'd give you a break to let you process this one. as for me, i was right! i feel sooooooooooo much better. i'll be sleeping like a rock tonight! i should do this more often!!

all stressed out and no one to choke!

2008-02-06T17:34:00.001-05:00

Stephanie requested this, so here you have it. This is my life.

haha...I guess i'm ok. Just REALLY stressed out. I just got turned down for ANOTHER job. I've applied for FIFTEEN jobs since we've been back here. Apparently I can't PAY someone to hire me. And Larry is being considered for a transfer to the National Guard headquarters in Charleston, but as usual, they're not telling us a thing about whether he's getting the job or not, so in all honesty, I don't even know where to look for a job! The last time they transferred him, they told us on a Tuesday, we were gone Thursday. Just like that. So he's stressed out about all that, plus the job he has now (trying to recruit for a war he doesn't believe in, for a branch of the service that isn't helping him out any) which also stresses me out, because it affects us both.

AND then Chaney's sperm donor has all of a sudden decided he wants to step in and play dad now that she's 13 (her birthday was yesterday), and that aggravates the ever-loving LIFE out of me. Why now? Where's he been up to this point? I think it's because Larry WANTS to be a dad to her, and he thought 'oh no, i better do something'. Whatever. Now he's going behind my back trying to get her! I know he can't, because he hasn't even ever been around, but it's just very stressful to put up with. He's going behind my back saying all sorts of stuff to the child support agency trying to get out of paying child support, and he's telling Chaney that he's going to take me to court for custody and trying to get her to change her last name. Part of me just absolutely wants to go off on him, but the bigger part of me (right now, anyway) doesn't even want to give him the satisfaction of letting him know he's getting to me.

random...

2008-01-30T01:02:00.000-05:00

Let me start by saying Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, all that jazz...'cause I'm lazy and whatever and missed it. OHHHHHHHHHH well. Nope, didn't have anything better to do, just didn't feel like sitting down and doing THIS. And didn't know really what to even say, because MY LIFE SUCKS. But hey, I'm alive! That's all that matters.

honestly have no idea what I'm actually blogging about...just felt like doing it. It seemed like a good idea at the time! I don't know...my thoughts are going in about 80 different directions, and it's 1:07am and as usual, I'M NOT SLEEPING, so here I am. Yay you!

I hate this town. I hate everything about it, I do believe. It is sucking the absolute life out of me. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I used to feel so alive and be so friendly and outgoing and couldn't stand to stay home. What happened to that person? But then again, what are you going to do in Richwood, go to the pool room? A row of fools on a row of stools...no thanks. Once upon a time, maybe, but there was a teensy weensy bit of life left in this old joint back then. I swear, for my sanity and mental health, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN. It's taking its last breaths, and it's taking a piece of me with it, a day at a time. I've applied for FIFTEEN jobs since I've been back, and haven't gotten a single stupid freaking one of them. That should be my first clue.

I feel so completely lost without my best friend. I still have Kendra, the other one, but she lives in Tennessee and I haven't even seen her in 4 1/2 years...Ken, we definitely need to make plans to get together! I've never even seen Mollie! Dude! But with the other one, I don't even know who that person is anymore. We're nothing but strangers. Every day I have a moment where I think...or wish, whichever the case may be...that we could work things out, but then I think about everything that's happened and the choices she made, and the time and distance, and I just don't see how things could ever be even remotely close to the way they were. Which, is amazingly painful. There's an enormous hole in my life where she lived, that I'm not sure anyone else will ever fill. Nobody knew absolutely everything about me, and how I felt and what I thought about everyone else in my life. I can't pick up the phone and call Kendra and talk about someone from grade school that I ran into and what she said. I mean, I guess I could, but it's just not the same. The history, the roots, aren't there. I guess that's just a hole and a pain I have to learn to live with. But it isn't fair to me to HAVE to deal with it. I'm not the one who asked for this. But I'm the one who gets the raw end of the deal. Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?

I heard on the radio that Bush Baby is proposing an economic stimulus bill...or something. I have one thing to say about that. It's a proposal of my own to stimulate our economy. Ready? STOP SENDING ALL THE JOBS TO MEXICO (and whatever other foreign country they're going to)!!!! Duh. Genius!

I also saw where the US troop cuts in Iraq may slow. Now, have I been under a rock? I wasn't aware we were cutting any! How can you slow them down when you're not bothering to cut them at all? And don't even get me started. I'm sure, like millions of other Americans, can say plenty about this fiasco. But I won't. This isn't the time or the place.

I've been with Larry for almost 2 years now, and we haven't even begun to plan our wedding. No date, no location, no nothing. And I don't even care. We rushed into this thing at warp speed. I'm taking my sweeeeeeeeet time to make sure that we can put up with each other for life. Because when you marry the wrong person, forever is a liiiiittttttttttttle too long. And my family has already told me, "now you do remember that we don't divorce in this family, right?" So yeah, I'm gonna be the big screwup. If 'till death do us part' has to be a goal I set for myself, then I at least want it to be a pleasurable one to achieve. Although, at times, I'm the first to admit that this thing seems like something out of the freaking Shining. I want to make sure this is the person I want to be shackled to for life before I put on 'the world's smallest handcuff', 'cause apparently, it ain't ever coming off!

I guess that's it. My mind suddenly went blank. The clock hit 1am, and my mind just went WHOOSH...I think that's a good thing. Maybe I'll be able to sleep now, without feeling schizo. And I could do without the dreams too, but I have no idea how to stop myself from having those, so I guess those will just make for more blogs...probably very strange and demented, but interesting ones!

sweet dreams

2007-11-20T00:27:00.000-05:00

This...would be me. I have the most outlandish, absurd dreams of anyone I know. Every single blasted night, apparently. One night, I was driving a tree. A TREE. With limbs, leaves, roots, and all. It's like someone just slapped wheels on the bottom, carved out a little hole and window, and plopped a steering wheel in the middle. Other nights I'm flying and floating and swimming...lots of different stuff. Well, the other night was no exception, except for what happened. I remember dreaming about being in a room with red walls (probably my kitchen fiasco coming back to haunt me--I'm attempting to paint our kitchen red). In this room with red walls, the walls are stretching, like they're rubber...or whatever. There are people trying to come THROUGH the walls to get to me. Me? I'm trying to GET OUT. Next thing I know (consciously, anyway), I'm in the floor. I FELL IN THE FREAKING FLOOR. When's the last time THAT happened? I'm thinking at least 20 years ago, if not more. In addition to flopping in the floor, apparently my dreams were causing me to be combative. I was fighting the wall people. Larry told me the next morning that I was talking before I went in the floor, and when I took my nosedive, he tried to help me back in bed, and apparently I started swinging at HIM. Guess I didn't want help. I woke up, realized where I was and (sort of) what was going on, and made some excuse about having to pee and ran to the bathroom. It's 4am...and I'm hit by a fit of laughter over the whole situation. It was all I could do to get back to sleep. I kept thinking about being in the floor, and it kept making me laugh. I'm sure Larry was pleased.

The next day, I turned it around and said Larry kicked me out of bed. Which, could definitely happen. He has arthritis in his knees, and it bothers him a lot at night, and he kicks constantly sometimes. He seemed offended. I was amused.

Note to self: stop playing Resident Evil 4 with the kids. When it comes to imaginations and influence, you're as bad as they are.

Snow?!?! Seriously?!?!

2007-11-16T00:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, who's the bloomin' idiot who WISHED SNOW ON ME?!?! I was NOT ready for this! Alright, if that's how you're going to be, here's my wish for you. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, and may your arms be too short to scratch! Ha! Take that!

Slow Down

2007-11-13T00:06:00.000-05:00

Larry said something to me today that made me stop and think about how much I've changed...somewhere along the way. He said "you don't get in a hurry for anything". And you know, I don't. Not anymore. I used to be balls-to-the-wall, going, going, going constantly. I thought about this all day, and evaluated myself. I do that a lot lately, staring down the barrel of THIRTY. I realized this: I slowed down. Simple as that. Life (God, mainly) has taken so many people from me, some way sooner than I think they ever should've left. I think that's slowed me down greatly. Almost to the point of crawling. It wasn't even a conscious thing, but looking back I feel like I was "running too fast to see what life's all about" (Chris Ledoux quote...God Bless Chris Ledoux!).

There was a time I was so restless I couldn't sit still for all the money in the world, and I got bored so easily that I never had one single solitary relationship make it to a year...hell, most didn't even make it to the 6-month mark. I just knew I had to go. Had somewhere else to be, something else to do. It took losing most of the people in my life (one way or the other, though most through death) that THIS is where I need to be, THIS is what I need to be doing. This is what life's about. These are the best days of our lives. When you think about it, these are the ONLY days of our lives. We don't get a do-over. One shot...that's it. So yeah, I don't get in a hurry. I've gone from being the hare to being the tortoise. And that's ok with me.

Larry often comments that he worries I'll get bored with him and our little day-to-day routine. And time was, I would've. But now, it's this ordinary life that I cherish. The little things...the good morning kisses, the calls throughout the day to check in, walking in the door in the evening to this beautiful, wonderful, complicated life. And I know I'm being...melancholy, maybe? Philosophical, definitely. But I'm definitely not the person I used to be. I'd like to think I'm better. I LIVE. Granted, I may not jump off the New River Gorge Bridge, or out of airplanes, but I can tell you what Larry's deepest fear is, what Bailey's greatest wish is, who Chaney's current crushes are...it's the little things. To me, that's what matters. That's possibly the scariest thing of all: opening yourself up and letting someone REALLY know you, REALLY love you, through the good, the bad, and the really freaking ugly. That's living. That's definitely worth slowing down for. Because you don't know how many of those "I love yous" you have left.

Here's that Chris Ledoux song. It's called Slow Down...obviously.

Well I used to laugh with an old friend till the busy world pulled him away
Every now and then I see him again, but he's not the same man I knew yesterday
His smile just grows smaller and smaller and the worry lines fill up his face
But lately I'm thinking the next time I see him just what I'm gonna say
Slow down, man in the mirror slow down
You're running too fast to see what life's all about
This world ain't a fire for you to put out
The best times are here and now...slow down
Some days I look back on the hard times, and they really don't seem all that bad
Well I've got to admit I like what I've got but God I sure love what I had
And it's only on top of the mountain after burning your life at both ends
You look back to see where you want to be is exactly where you've always been.

no place like home...

2007-10-07T13:10:00.000-04:00

...thank God for that, because I can't even stand this place. If everywhere else was like it too, i'd go crazy.
This is a ranting blog, because I have to get this off my chest. It was on my mind when I went to sleep last night, and again when I got up today. I finally heard the "are you pregnant" question. Ok, well, not ME exactly, but someone asked Larry yesterday. And this infuriates me for several reasons:

1. If I WAS, it's none of your freaking business, but thanks for asking. When that does happen, I'll be sure to let you know, since you're so concerned with my life.

2. This person sees me almost every stupid day, but just stands there and looks at me like she's got x-ray vision and is trying to see inside me to see if there's a fetus there. Rather than asking me, she asked Larry, with the excuse that I don't like her. Genius! Things like this are EXACTLY WHY I DON'T LIKE YOU. Don't go behind my back to say stuff and get information on me...go straight to the source, or just keep your stupid mouth shut.

3. This question came as a two-part question, the latter part of which I've left off until now. This part was "I didn't think you wanted any more kids." OOOOOK. I'm still trying to figure out how she can even pretend to know WHAT he wants? I told Larry he should've told her that he also didn't plan on getting married again either, but things change. I'm telling you this right now straight from the horse's mouth. YES, we want more kids, and YES, we're having another baby when we get married and more financially settled.

Stupid, stupid people. So, the conclusion I've drawn is this. She's friends with one of Larry's ex-girlfriends, so that has to be where it's all coming from. And this is my theory of what's in their heads. I've gained weight, and it's all in my belly/butt/thigh area, so I could pass for pregnant. BUT I'M NOT. Here's the theory: He didn't want kids, and he didn't want to get married, so what I MUST'VE DONE was get pregnant to trap him and make him marry me. Why do I think this? Because that's the way these people think. Stupid, stupid people. Maybe, just MAYBE we're getting married because WE WANT TO, and because we're in love. Imagine that concept.

So here's my statement to that elite group of Richwooders who are SOOO concerned with my life (by the way, where are your kids? They were out in the freaking ROAD last time I checked). I'm NOT pregnant...yet. YES, we want more kids, YES, we're having more kids, and when that happens, I'll make sure y'all are the first to know. I'll put a freaking full-page ad in the Chronicle just to please you.

Oh, and by the way, you're all invited to my wedding. Bring gifts.

who am I?

2007-08-29T14:21:00.000-04:00

i never questioned it all through my turbulent teenage years. i never gave it a second thought at any time during college, and actually kind of felt pity for those who did. but here i am, almost 29 years old, unemployed with a masters degree living in an absolute hellhole, and one thought keeps pounding my brain...who the hell am i? and what do i want to do with my life? and i honestly have no answers. if i did, i'd do something about it. i have a masters degree. but yet, i can't find a job.

i think i may have royally screwed myself along the way by leaving those other jobs after only a few months. but in my mind, i thought (and still think) i had very legitimate reasons for leaving. but you don't see those reasons on resumes. all you see is the time of employment...all but one job wasn't longer than 6 months. so, sitting here being unemployed, sleeping half the day and just lounging around the house all day is making me feel pretty worthless. but i've applied for...probably around 8 jobs now, and haven't gotten a single call about any of them. so something's not working for me.

i talked to larry about it, and he helped me feel a little better by trying to place some of the blame on himself for wanting to move here, but it was a decision we made together. and he says he doesn't have a problem with me staying home. i do clean and wash dishes and do the laundry and cook, so it's not like i'm just laying around watching tv all day. but still, i don't feel like i'm contributing financially to this relationship and that he's having to carry us, and that bothers the hell out of me. i haven't worked in 3 months. i haven't been unemployed for 3 months since i finished school! i'm losing my freaking mind. i'm gonna end up being a stripper at the strip club. at least they make good money! :-P

The American G.I.

2007-08-29T00:11:00.000-04:00

This is for that idiot who thought he was all big and bad cussing Larry as he drove the humvee through the parade in honor of our troops. I know he'll never see this, but hey, I know it's here. That's all that matters. Stupid people. But, like the guys of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour say, YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID. So here it is. In the words of my favorite character from Army Wives, HAVE AT IT:
It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves under the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.

By Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

And by the way, only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The American G.I.

Stupid people. Stupid man. He gets to sit in the bar (which is where he was standing, go figure) and drink his beer and run his mouth while our soldiers are dying so his dumb ass CAN sit there and drink his beer. Give guys like him guns and send them over there so we won't have to listen to them or put up with them. See what they have to say then. I don't see him doing a damn thing for his country, except yapping his trap and ruining everybody's good time.

come some rainy day...

2007-08-29T00:08:00.000-04:00

"we move on, put those dreams away...thinking that we'll find them, come some rainy day." ~Wynonna Judd

you know, you don't really ever think about the end. we go along, taking things for granted (even though we say we don't), and one day...that's it. no explanation, no warning, no goodbye, no...anything. you think they'll always be there. the one person (or people) you never think will ever go away. through boyfriends and husbands, births and deaths, marriages and divorces...they're supposed to always be there. we used to live by the "two friends are one soul in 2 bodies" quote. i guess i should know better. life doesn't work that way. that isn't reality. things happen, people drift apart. i should've known better, but then again, i thought i knew YOU better.

i go on about my days as if nothing's wrong, nothing's off. but each and every single day, it hurts. it hurts unbelievably. it hurts as though i've lost the closest family member i've ever had. it hurts as much as it did when i lost my parents. so many times each day, even now, something will happen, or i'll think of something, and i want to pick up the phone and call...but i can't. literally, emotionally, and every other which way, i can't reach you anymore. you're so lost that i can't find you. i've never told a single soul the way i feel about this whole mess, but here i am, baring my soul to the world. i can't hold it in anymore. it has to go somewhere. it's breaking me in two.

you're the one person i always thought would be there. you knew me better than i knew myself, but i don't think i ever really knew you at all. the you i thought i knew would have never chosen this path you're on now. when i graduated, i was on a mission to save the world. i had no idea that the closest person to me needing saving the most. you were always, always there for me...and i can't help but feeling, given everything that's happened, that i wasn't there when you needed me most. not that i could've done anything to change the course of things, but maybe.

On the road again...

2007-08-01T23:26:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know. I just saw. I haven't blogged since May 15th. But seriously, did anybody even notice? I seriously doubt that. I have nothing interesting to say. I'm never going to win a Pulitzer Prize for blogging (or for anything else, for that matter), so what's the point? Besides, my Maxim kind of bugged me when it had an article in it complaining about all the bloggers and vloggers on the Internet these days taking up useless space and using up bandwidth for stupid crap...like this. So, ok, I get your point. Nobody wants to hear or see my little online diary about my life. And truthfully, since I started dating Larry and got engaged, the drama has disappeared from my life. Well, the soap opera type drama anyway, with all the relationship/dating game crap. Now it's just the drama that comes along with blending a family, especially when one child is just a stone's throw away from being a teenager.

So, at the risk of Maxim sending me a nasty gram (Larry's little term for mean emails), I'm typing this any damn way. I haven't blogged in for-freaking ever because we moved again. Back to Richwood. Again. I swear, this place is like the Hotel California. You can check out, but you can't ever leave. I've been trying to leave since I was 18. I've left...4 times now, I think? And every single stupid time, I somehow end up back here. HELP! So here I float along, like a tumbleweed blowing in the wind, still searching for the perfect pizza, perfect job, and perfect cheese fries. *I have no idea where that came from...it just came out. But yeah, I'm still here, still alive, still kicking, if anyone cares. :-P

wandering aimlessly

2007-05-15T18:38:00.000-04:00

I'm well aware that I haven't blogged for a good while. I'm also well aware that I've had every intention to...but then again, you know what they say about good intentions. We've been searching for a place to have a wedding. We really really want to have it outside, although we KNOW that it's risky because of the weather. Well, hell, look at the divorce rate! Getting married in the first freaking place is risky! We checked out one place up around Summersville this past weekend, since that seems to be either where everyone already is or it's essentially the midpoint for everyone else. We checked out a little 650-acre farm called The Good Evening Ranch. Driving up to it, I was thinking, oh, this is nice. Leaving a couple hours later, I was thinking, no way in hell am I getting married here. Not that it was a bad place; it's just not what I'm looking for. Unless, of course, I'm wearing Wranglers and Ropers and riding a friggin' camel. So we're still searching...

We finally got our vacation mess sorted out. Folks, I give you a warning: I advise you not to ever rent a condo owned by a couple named Swackhammer out of Pennsylvania. It was a total nightmare. I called and reserved the place on March 12th, and sent out the deposit check to hold our reservation on March 13th. Well, after nearly a month and a half of not hearing anything and noticing our check was never deposited, I tried to get in touch with them, with no luck. They'd left the stupid country. So I emailed daily trying to get something worked out so we could still have our vacation. I'd ask questions about how to take care of the reservation, how much money to send, etc. WHEN I got a reply back, all I would get would be either a "we're out of the country", or "we don't have your money". No questions ever got answered and nothing ever got settled. They kept saying they'd check and get back to me...and never got back to me. The last email I got from them (at the beginning of MAY now, mind you)was "we'll call our management company and see if it's still available." I flipped out. Well, hell, it better still be available! I sent out money for it back in March! It better be mine! We're supposed to leave June 9th! So I sent back this long, hateful email about how it was poor business on their part and I don't even know what else at this point and promptly took my business and money elsewhere. So, obviously you're going to do what you're going to do, but that's my advice. They were really horrible to deal with. Well, no, I can't say that, since I wasn't ABLE TO DEAL WITH THEM in the first place.

And so, I think that's pretty much what I've been wanting to post about...if not, I'll probably wait about another month and then post again! Time to get dinner started! What a happy little housewife I've become...

notes from the 13th floor...

2007-04-17T09:38:00.000-04:00

First of all, let me start this post by saying this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!

Ok, moving on. We went to Gatlinburg this past weekend for our anniversary. Can you believe it's been a year already?!?! I'm in shock. It puts in perspective how pathetic my other relationships were, as this is now officially the longest continuous relationship I've ever been in. But I guess since we're planning on getting married (as I have the ring to prove it), I'd hope it'd last awhile! But back to my story. We get to the hotel, and it's supposed to be this big beautiful monstrosity in the Smoky Mountains (see here). I was thinking, wow, our view is going to be amazing. Hmmm...we checked in and they put us on the FIRST floor. My "view" was the freaking roof of the lower level of the place. LOVELY. And then, 5 minutes after we check in, our toilet starts leaking all over the floor. Can we go home now? This has been great, really, but...after all, it WAS Friday the 13th. I promptly went downstairs to talk to the front desk clerk, who told us that he'd send someone up immediately to fix the toilet, and that if we came down in the morning, he could move us up higher so we'd have a better view. Apparently they move people a lot, according to him. (I left my camera out in the car, and I'm lazy, so I'll bring it in later to show pics) The indoor pool was nice. I do have to give it that. That's about the only good thing about the first night. It's a cute little 2-level 2-pool thing that has a little waterfall sort of thing connecting them.

The next morning we got up between 8:30 and 9:30. By that I mean, about 8:30 for Larry and 9:30 for me. I like my sleep, even on vacation. And 9:30 is too early, in my opinion, but I didn't want to waste our entire anniversary weekend SLEEPING. I'll save that for next weekend when he has to work (which is our REAL anniversary). Annnnnyway, we went down to the front desk and sure enough, they moved us. Up to the THIRETEENTH FLOOR. What is it with 13 this weekend? And so, we get up there. And our view ends up being the mountains, which honestly, is fine with me, because it was gorgeous. We caught a little glimpse of downtown Gatlinburg off to the right, so all was well. So, we change rooms and off to town we go. Should've known from the get-go THAT would be fun. Seems like every 10 steps there was some idiot trying to get us to go tour a vacation rental for $100 in cash. After awhile, I was like, I'll give YOU $100 to SHUT THE HELL UP! So freaking annoying. That day would've been so much better if not for those people. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. We pay a lot of freaking money to go there and have a good time and get AWAY from all the hassle, not run into more! IF we wanted to stay at their stupid vacation places, WE WOULD HAVE. But the day was good.

I learned a few things though: #1-I'm apparently now afraid of heights. Our hotel was a cylinder, open in the middle inside. I don't know if I remotely said that well, but I tried. The elevator was glass, going right up the middle. Yeah. I was up against the door. The higher up it went, the more it freaked me out. I was fine when Larry was on the elevator with me, but by myself, it wasn't cool. Lesson #2-the moving theater at Ripley's made me sick. I'd hate to see me on a real roller coaster now! I came out of there with a headache and upset stomach, feeling like I'd been run over. I'm such a wuss. We decided to go to Pigeon Forge to ride the go-karts. In the car on the way there, guess what happened? It started raining. And it didn't stop raining. Ever. And the next day, it started freaking snowing! Good thing it was time to come home anyway. I swear. And then it took us 2 hours to even get to the interstate from Pigeon Forge after we stopped to eat. I just wanna go home!

So, my 3rd lesson in all of this is: next time, I'm going away in the middle of the stupid week. And I'm packing umbrellas, ponchos, and tasers for the stupid annoying vacation rental pushers.

And now I'm taking a nap. I needed to go back to work to recover!

...all we ever find

2007-03-21T02:31:00.000-04:00

There are times when we'll be talking, joking around, and I'll mention leaving. Larry tells me I'm free to go, and that he's not stopping me. Then there are times when I think about it. And then I think, what am I doing? I'm engaged to be married! I shouldn't think about leaving! I should be in eternal bliss and "happily ever after" in love. But then I realize I'm not leaving, I'm being realistic. Which I think is a good thing. I'm not betting on happy ever after or beds of roses and days of sunshine every day for the rest of my life. I know better. Relationships are work. Anything worth having takes a little bit of effort.

I'm not leaving. I'd never make it out the door. There are some times when admittedly, things could be going a HELL of a lot better than they are, but then I look at him, or see something of his...an article of clothing, his toothbrush, his cell phone...and I know that this is what I've waited, hoped, and prayed for. This moment and this man. I'd go crazy if something happened, if he was badly hurt or really sick, or if he got shipped to Iraq. I'd never leave. I'd lose my mind...what's left of it. Sometimes I might need to get away for awhile, but I'll always come back.

But if I know me, I'll turn this car around. I won't get halfway through town, and I'll be sorry. I'll stop and call, and you'll say you're sorry too, And I'll come runnin' back to you, if I know me. ~George Strait

*and no, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking, and wanted to get that off my chest.

WANTED:

2007-03-11T23:22:00.000-04:00

a freaking job. As much as I've enjoyed this 2 1/2 week vacation, I really need a job. We're not financially strapped (we will be if I don't stay out of Wal-Mart and the stupid mall!), but I already miss having the extra cash. You gotta admit, even though I think I made crappy money for having a freaking MASTERS DEGREE (whole other post entirely, we won't go there tonight), having that extra 500-700 bucks every couple of weeks definitely boosted things. And here I am wanting to go to the beach this summer. Wanting is putting it mildly. I'm DYING here. And I stop and rationalize: how the hell can we go to the beach this summer??? I DON'T HAVE A JOB! We're going to pay for this vacation with what...seashells? And what employer in their right mind is going to go, ok, we'll hire you, and yes, we'll let you have that week off 2 months after you start! Just 'cause we're that nice! I suppose I could play it all off with the angle that we're scoping out our wedding site (which is part of my reasoning for the trip, anyway), and see if that works, but yeah right.

But seriously, I need a job. I would love nothing more than for some company somewhere to randomly contact me and say, hey, we'll pay you to sit at home on your butt and play on your computer all day. That'd be a dream, wouldn't it? I could easily put in 12 hours a day doing that! I do that ANYWAY! But #1--I'm not that lucky, and #2--I don't even know if there ARE jobs like that out there. If there are, they're probably scams, or they don't pay very much.

There's a part-time position available at the animal shelter here. I know it'd only be minimum wage, and yes, I KNOW I have a masters degree, but honestly, you know what? That's perfectly OK with me. I'm seriously pissed off at that masters degree. I want to BURN THE SUMBITCH. I recently found out that in a previous job I had along the way, there was another person in another office at another branch of the company doing the same damn work I was. This person had one of those freaking online technical school certificate/diploma things, or WTF ever they are...AND WAS MAKING MORE MONEY THAN I WAS! That pretty much soured me on the SIX YEARS AND THIRTY-TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS I freaking WASTED in college and to get that big bad masters, which apparently, DOESN'T MEAN A DAMN THING. So yeah, torch the sucker for all I care. Fat lotta good it does me. That's painfully obvious.

I'm going job-hunting again.

blissfully unemployed

2007-02-23T12:22:00.000-05:00

So...I quit my job yesterday. Just flat out resigned. It wasn't entirely my option. According to my now-ex boss, I was "on the wrong bus" and couldn't do my job, which meant everybody else had to pick up the slack. Well, I KNOW I was on the wrong bus...knew that for awhile. I just didn't know how to STOP the bus so I could get off. So what it came down to was essentially a forced resignation. She seemed very much against actually "firing" me. Some people said I should've made them fire me. It crossed my mind, but hey, the bus was stopped. The door was open, and I was hitting the road. I didn't want to stick around long enough for them to fire me, and I also didn't want that going on my record. I've never been fired, and I don't intend to start now.

So now I'm in uncharted territory. I've never left one job without having another already lined up. We're not hurting for money. Something I realized this week is that I don't HAVE to work. With what Larry brings home, we're fine. Sure, having the extra money is really nice, but it's also nice to know we'll be ok. This could be the best thing that could happen. Before, I've always just taken the first thing that came along thinking it would be better than the hell I was already in...only to find that the new job was just as bad or even worse. This way I can take my time to figure out what I really WANT, and pick and choose. People keep telling me "you have a master's degree; you can write your own ticket." Yeah, until now, that hasn't been the case, but by God, it's time to start. :-)

alone in this old house again...

2007-02-11T00:08:00.000-05:00

So here I sit, up all by myself in my sister's house. I haven't spent the night in this house since last August, which is the last time I spent the night away from Larry. Those of you who know the situation know the whole Chaney drama, which for now is on the back burner, as all parties have agreed to let her finish the school year here before making any sort of decision, so she's staying with my sister. Which is why I'm here. Larry had drill this weekend, so he couldn't come up. Chaney had majorette practice this evening, then some plans afterward, which were going to keep her out until between 7 and 8. For me then, the logical thing would have been to just wait and come up tomorrow morning and spend the day with her. But no. She whined and pouted and was all sad and depressed until I agreed to go ahead and come up tonight, to make her happy. "I stay up until 3 in the morning anyway," she told me. Well, no matter then. We'd still have plenty of time to spend together. Well, I get here between 8:30 and 9:00 tonight. We watch a movie, she plays with her Bratz dolls...AND THEN SHE GOES TO BED!!! AT 11:00!!!! What was the point of me coming up here tonight?!?! Didn't I say that??? Wasn't that my argument??? So here I sit, while everyone else sleeps, wondering...why?!?! She needs to be down there with me. Then we wouldn't have this problem. But, Chaney's 12 now. It is what it is. And whatever it's gonna be.

And Larry informed me recently that as long as Chaney lives with Lynn, he refuses to have any more kids. Knowing how badly I wanted a baby, this upset me. Initially. But then I realized that while I would LOVE to have a baby, or a couple of babies, I like the age our kids are at now. Chaney's 12; she does her own thing. She gets up by herself, dresses herself, feeds herself, bathes herself, stays home by herself after school...pretty self-sufficient. Bailey turns 7 today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAY-BAY!!) and while he's 5 years younger, he's pretty independent too. He does most of the things for himself that Chaney does for herself. And as the kids get older, traveling is certainly easier. No packing car seats and diaper bags and all that crap. My main thought regarding his...announcement, if you will, is this: MORE SLEEP FOR ME. Yeah. I like the sound of that. I've always wondered if the reason Chaney happened when she did is because I'm not meant to have any more. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm ok with that. I guess we'll see.

Happy Everything

2007-01-24T07:44:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I see that I missed Christmas and New Years...so HAPPY EVERYTHING. That should cover me. I transferred my Blogger account over to the new Google blog thing, and honestly, the thing hated me. I couldn't figure out how to work it. Apparently it's not that hard, but it was just one more username and password I had to remember, and I just couldn't do it.

I don't guess there's much going on around here. Settling in. Larry and I have now been together 9 months, and while the first 6 months were somewhat rocky at times (more at some times than others), we seem to have weathered whatever that was, and it's been smooth sailing. I'm getting "I love you" phone calls every morning when I get up, he leaves Post-Its on mirrors telling me to have a good day...things are good. We still have our moments, but that's gonna happen. I tell him on a regular basis that he's missing a sensitivity chip, to the point where it's almost become a little joke between us. And there are still times when I feel like I can't talk to him about things, but I've learned to choose my battles and what things are worth battling it out. And the little things aren't. So, like I said, all is well.

As usual, I'm battling on what my career "destiny" really is. I don't know, but I know it sure ain't what I'm doing now. I need a good-paying job that lets me stay home and play on the computer all day. Or I need a job that pays me for sleeping! That would be GREAT. I don't know. Someone once told me to find what you love to do, and find a way to get paid for doing it. Well, that's all fine and good, but honestly, I can't think of one single thing I love to do enough that I'd turn it into a job and make it something I HAD to do. Watch movies? Listen to music? Maybe, but in this little nowhere area of WV/VA, my options are pretty limited. Guess I'm just outta luck. And that's sad. I don't want to look back at the end of my life, regretting having spent the better part of my life in a career that I hate. Such a waste...