meow

Ridiculous Complaints

2009-11-12T15:06:00.004-05:00

This daylight savings deal is killing me. Gone are the summer nights of unlimited energy. Honestly, right now I could curl up under my desk & take a nap. Or even put my chin in my hands & drift off into a 2 minute slumber. Which is annoying because Tuesday's Exam #2 & goal is to work & get in a little studying between tasks.

No luck! Studying would definitely knock me out right now.

And lately I've just felt so lazy. Cleaning? Completely unmotivated & the floors are still in desperate need of sweeping & mopping. Folding laundry? Replaced by picking underpants out of a clean clothes basket in my room.

Maybe I have mono.

And I've even tried to thwart this by packing running stuff for today. But guess what....I left my glasses at home so it feels like someone is hammering my eyes into my head. Running with a headache is the worst.

Wah.

So instead I'll just feel like a fatty (last night was super-indulgent dinner of lobster bisque & hash browns at Oceanaire.....GO THERE IT IS DELICIOUS) & actually put my clothes away, sweep the floors & do some mopping before meeting up with a friend. Or maybe just take a nap.

Uh Oh: Part II

2009-11-06T14:56:00.003-05:00

The world is full of idiots.

Yeah yeah yeah. Did you get laid yet?

What is it with you & sex?

What is it with you & being pathetic? Answer me, monkey.

No.

Maybe you should look into losing weight again. Skinny girls get laid all the time.

Hey, I get hit on sometimes.

The 22-year-old from Halloween doesn't count because he's a child & was drunk & the dude at the Campus Convenience just wants you to buy more food from him.

At least neither of them are homeless.

Clearly moving up in life.

What I should be doing tonight:
Run---->Clean---->Research.

What I will most likely be doing tonight:
Pull a half-assed cleaning job---->Gossip Girl on DVD---->fall asleep at 10

Justification:
I've had something to do every night this week & I'm tired. This is not ample justification considering I skipped out on a workout last night to go to the BSP. No, Harry/Larry/Frank was not there. (disappointment) But a whole bunch of douchebags showed up. (further disappointment) Okay, I just saw a picture of Leighton Meester, which is enough motivation to at least work out tonight.

Q&A

2009-10-29T16:16:00.004-04:00

Q: What's probably the best part of having your own office?

A: The freedom to close the door & fart away.

Other topic of the day......why a certain state & their registration department can eat a bag of dicks right now. A big one. Huge. Enormous bag of slimy, herpes-infected dicks. How can they give you $600 in tickets for not having registration when you DO have registration just not the sticker because their department is SLOW & HASN'T MAILED IT DO YOU YET? If need be, I'm going to court over this bullshit.

What Dreams May Come

2009-10-27T11:57:00.005-04:00

Last night I dreamt (why does spell-checker keep flagging that? it's a word, i swear!) that it was my last day at the Farbs & I showed up in sweatpants.

Why do these brilliant ideas come to me 6 weeks too late?

Know Better and Learn Faster*

2009-10-22T11:20:00.003-04:00

*The newest Thao disc is really good. As a whole, I think better than the previous.

Continuing on. What I should be doing right now is looking up allocations or reading chapters about Immunology, Vaccinations, & all that fun stuff. Instead, I'm Facebook-stalking guys I've had at least one date with since becoming single, attempting to conjure at least one redeeming quality about each one of them. It's kind of hard.

Professor: Great knowledge of art. (if he wasn't "humbly bragging" about one thing, it was another & made some pretty uncomfortable promises & plans early on: WARNING. also, sent me an email about 3 weeks after meeting explaining that he met this really swell girl named J & hopes we can still be friends.....by this point, I'd been uninterested for about a week & a half for several reasons, the main being that he a couple times pumped me with alcohol, another warning sign that I do not take lightly...also turns out that he's that guy who went on 18 dates in 25 days or something & was not yet divorced...other than that, he was a good person to be friends with)

Mono: He had good taste in wine. (remember, the dude who wanted to have a talk about not wanting a relationship but that we would stay monogamous less than 6 weeks after meeting)

25YO: Ridiculously good-looking. (again, 6 weeks in he wanted to have a talk at which point I looked him right in the face & said "is this a joke? I ASKED you not to come over tonight, I was at the ballet studio for 3 hours, over one of which was Pointe.....you pulled me out of a bath with no dinner to talk with me about something that I flat out said was pointless to talk about?"....I'm an idiot & continued to have little dates with him & actually went along with being his friend for a couple months afterwards, at which point it was so incredibly clear how much of an idiot the kid was that he was no longer worth looking at)

Dorchester: Ridiculously good-looking. (this one was a legit friend dating thing, no funny business, honestly, the kid is really, really sweet, just totally fucked in the head after years of being abused & washing it down with copious amounts of booze (we're not talking a bottle of wine/night here)....which is probably why after talking with him for 5 minutes I felt more maternal towards him than anything else & Oedipal I am not, that's gross)

Underware: Originally bonded over love of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia & how hilarious Day/Night Man is. (see post from 5.12.09 & 8.1.09: no more needs to be said about that)

Surgeon-turned-Neglige: Treated me really well, at first. (see post from 10.13.09: again, no more elaboration necessary)

Triathlete: Really great body. (Quickly realized that you can learn a lot from a Facebook profile. He has 14 profile pictures in which he isn't wearing a shirt...and not like he was hanging out with a bunch of people on a beach, more like him shirtless doing a push-up with his niece & nephew on his back or him shirtless holding a bulldog staring off into space: it was weird. Soon there-after also realized that he only did & would think about himself since he first, didn't take me on a date to somewhere that I would like & second, stopped by my back porch twice while I was in Seattle & I found out because he texted me "you're not reading on your back porch, I stopped by" & "was at your back porch, you're not here"....No shit, dude, get a clue)

So here we are, a yearish later. Why write this out? To remind myself not to keep making the same mistakes because despite relief at the end, egos get bruised & when it comes right down to it I need to take care of me first.

Waiter (I'm trying to use real names until it's shat the bed because someone kind of alluded that the nicknames could be construed as Samantha Jonesish & offensive) asked me out on Sunday night. Specifically for an exhibit at the ICA for Thursday night. That's tonight. No call, nothin'. Ain't no thang. I'll just go to ballet or maybe call Neighbor Jesse to see if she'd like to go for a really long walk tonight. It's disappointing a little bit but at least I'm finding these things out now. Even before going out on a date, no less. Oh well. I can get the attention from Cos tonight at class. Gotta love a ballet teacher who cares about his students' self esteem.

Uh Oh.

2009-10-20T22:20:00.003-04:00

For now I'll just leave it at that.

In other news, I'm starting a brand new research project complete with PSA this week. Long story. Short version: I'm terrified of failing.

What else is new?

About Goddamn Time (3 of 3)

2009-10-13T21:03:00.003-04:00

Around the end of June, a neighbor & I became acquainted with each other over taking out the trash on a Thursday night. As a surgeon, he's busy & being me, well, I'm busy too so our paths very rarely crossed. Usually to just talk trash.

Nice guy. Sweet. We hung out one night over a bottle of wine & good music. Later that week I found some rare Ben Folds ceedees in my mailbox from him. The next week we went to the latest Woody Allen. A glimmer of hope & interest but it just kind of wasn't there. You know? Still, a new friend never hurts.

Famous last words.

It was clear when he showed up at my birthday party (weekend before my birthday) with an enormous box of Modern Pastry that he was interested. At my birthday dinner (the actual night), he showed up & took me out for a while afterwards when the rest of the group headed back to their places for slumber.

Still, something felt missing.

About a week later he asked if I'd like to see another movie. Transformers? No. Some other action flick? No. How about we decide on Thursday? Fine. He told me that he got me something. I said to please stop buying things. He said that it was a birthday present & nothing big. Okay. He told me to remind him to give it to me on Thursday. And again, I reminded that I wasn't interested in anything but friendship.

When 500 Days of Summer came up, I was quite delighted to meet after ballet (is this a trend? seriously) for a film & dinner.

The movie was great. By being clear that I was solely interested in friendship, I made sure to pay my own way. Afterwards we went to Grendel's for dinner. Good conversation. Friend stuff. Laughing. Joking. This was a nice friend meeting. Maybe it could grow into more. He's great!

So he drove me home & I hopped out with a hug. About 94 seconds after getting in the door, I got a call.

Surgeon: You forgot your gift.

Me: Oh yeah! Whoops! (truth: i remembered to not remind him)

Surgeon: I'll swing back around.

So I walked out into a downpour. Stood outside the car. He said "no, come sit down I want you to open this up". So I did.

There was a card, which said something like "party on your birthday but remember that it causes damage, just look at this poor guy". Opening up the card, I found a mirror. Woah. That was weird & inappropriate. Reading the card, I found out some philosophical views I might not agree with. Namely that his advice to a 30-year-old was to realize that happiness is something you have to work hard at. Hhhmmm....

Whatever. So I reached into the bag & pulled out a ballet skirt. This floored me. How incredibly thoughtful? I felt like I'd over-thought and rationalized way too much. This amazing guy who isn't just a marathon-runner, yacht-racer, but listens to me & is thoughtful. Thoughtful. Wow.

So I leaned over and said "thank you for this! I've been meaning to buy another one" giving him a hug. He said "well, if it doesn't fit, we could take it back for a new size". Totally over-thought. Then I held up the skirt to see it more clearly. And rather than the ballet skirt I thought it was originally, found that it had a top with a skirt.

It's a nightie.

Immediately, I said something like "whattheidon'tohmygottago" and skipped out of the car & to my apartment. By skip, I mean sprint.

The roses he sent that week stayed unacknowledged.

Wait, what?

2009-10-12T00:03:00.003-04:00

Wow. This weekend has been the best.

Must find a way to move to NYC as soon as possible.

I had dinner next to the cast of Gossip Girl tonight. And no one freaked out, asked for pictures, or made a scene. It was awesome.

Next Move

2009-10-10T17:19:00.001-04:00

New York City. Definitely. God, I love this place.

Four Cousins and a Funeral: October Theme: Mischief

2009-10-07T09:19:00.003-04:00

I wrote this for the other blog I've been contributing to. Go here to visit & see what other kinds of Mischief people are getting into.

The word mischief conjures thoughts of kittens with rolls of toilet paper, puppies with shoes, young children devising a plan to steal cookies from the cookie jar, and mostly, my brother, Ian, and cousin, Scott.

Growing up, Ian and Scott acted like typical little boys. Now, in their 20s, they still act like typical little boys. And let me tell you, it’s enchanting. Something magical happens when we’re all together. By “we”, I mean Ian, Scott, Jenifer (another cousin), and me. Some of my happiest childhood memories include seeing how many stairs we could jump down and land (our parents yelling in the background that if we broke our legs, they would not feel sorry for us), zooming down our grandparents’ driveway on tricycles and straight out into the street (this one really irritated the elders due to every documented match of “child vs. car” ending in a child’s defeat), learning how to ride horses at my aunt’s farm in the countryside of Southeast Iowa, and spending hours playing on our grandfather’s old crank telephone. As an adult now, some of my happiest grown up moments are with Scott, Ian, and Jenifer. We each have very distinct and different personalities. Ian is fun and care-free. Scott is thoughtful and fatherly. Jenifer is the humanitarian and sensitive. I’m artsy/nerdy and worry warty. We come together to fit like a puzzle.

Ten years ago my grandfather died. So like every January for Family Christmas, we piled into a car and drove from Chicago to Fairfield, Iowa. Only it was August and the usual laughing would be replaced with considerable amounts of crying. Per usual, Dad would try to beat his driving time and I could count on the biggest, warmest hugs from my aunts, the most maternal women I’ve ever met in my life. I think it’s because of their enormous breasts and smell of pie.

Upon arriving, we were greeted by sad, yet relieved, family members. No one wanted Grandpa Stanley (yes, I have family members named things like Stanley, Millard, and Norma…..we’re from the Midwest, what do you expect?) to go but he was in excruciating pain. One of the most difficult experiences in life is seeing a loved one active and able in nature stuck in bed and miserable.

The whole family had dinner together and went our separate ways. Separate ways in our family means that Ian, Scott, Jen & I split off from the group & find ways to entertain ourselves. What was tricycles and horses has since been replaced with pot and pool tables. Unfortunately, Jen wasn’t in town yet so she would be missing out on the evening’s activities.

Back at Aunt Sharon & Uncle Millard’s farm Ian, Scott & I decided we should take the golf cart out for a while that night. It was a hot night. The Midwest gets very hot in the summer. Hot and muggy and sticky and buggy. It’s gross. So we get to a kind of clear area between cornfields off the road a little bit and that’s when the fun begins. True to form, Ian pulls out a glass pipe and a bag of pot. Because, well, that’s just what you do in a cornfield at night.

He packs it up & we start passing it around.

Me: Hey, this pipe is clean right? Not like last Christmas when you had us smoking out of that pipe you & your friends were smoking opium out of, right? That fucked me up and made me trip. Tomorrow’s Grandpa’s wake & I really don’t want to look all strung out for our grandfather’s wake.

Ian: Yeah yeah yeah, it’s fine don’t worry. You’re such a sissy. Chill out, sissy. (giggling through this whole exchange)

Scott: Hey dork, just take a puff & pass it. Dork.

Me: Shut up.

Scott: Dork.

Me: (took a hit, coughed and immediately felt that euphoric tingling you get from good pot)

We sat out in the cornfield for a while, talking, reminiscing, and mostly laughing. At one point we realized it was getting pretty late & figured we should head back before the more paranoid elders decided to come looking for us. So we started driving back to Sharon & Millard’s.

Ian: Uh, there isn’t barely any juice left in this and we need to get up that hill.

Scott: I told you that before we left.

Ian: Did you? I forgot. Wait. I know! We could go down this hill over here, gain momentum and up over that way.

Scott: Good idea. Here, I’ll hold the flashlight while you drive.

Ian: Nah, this is more fun without the flashlight. I don’t need that thing.

Scott: K.

Me: Are you crazy, dumdum? Please, put the flashlight up.

Ian: Don’t get all paranoid on us now, sissy. You just sit in the back & stay chilled. (still giggling like a 4-year-old on a sugar buzz)

Please note that my brother, cousin & I each other names as a term of endearment. I call them “muffins” and “shitbags” and they call me a “sissy” and “dork”. It’s equally embarrassing for all parties involved.

So along we rode down the hill laughing & enjoying each others company. In my head I remember thinking…wow, Ian’s right, this is superfun I have so much fun with him I miss my little brother when I’m at college and Scott too I sure love those two this is really fun yay wheeeee and tomorrow we’ll see Jen and then we’ll all be together again that’ll be the best I can’t wait hold on are we slowing down what the hell hope we have enough power to get up the.

STOP.

We just stopped at the bottom of the hill. The golf cart hadn’t hit anything. It just slowed quickly and stopped. Damnit. So we finally pulled out the flashlight to see what was going on.

Upon turning on the huge portable light-providing gadget we discovered that we were staring a fallen tree in the face. Like, the branches were literally 3 feet from the front of the golf cart and at our eye-level and ready to do some serious damage to our peepholes.

Simultaneously, our 3 stoned jaws dropped, looked at each other, tipped our heads back towards the sky and said “thank you grandpa”.

Quietly and calmly, as if respecting the situation, we decided that I would steer while Ian & Scott pushed the cart up the hill. I insisted that we keep the flashlight on. There was no argument against me this time.

**Please note that picture was taken during our last family vacation (family vacation=Scott, Ian, & me) in August near Seattle……on the top of a mountain…..with a drop off directly behind us……and I’m paralyzingly afraid of heights (my palms are sweating while I write this)……so they sedated me with red wine....and yes, my hand not holding wine is clutching a rock for security

!!!!

2009-10-04T14:27:00.002-04:00

Contact has been made my D. I'm through-the-roof happy.

He met neighbor Jesse last night & was so adorable talking with her.

OMG. I'm so gushy I might make myself vom.

I Have a Crush

2009-09-29T16:43:00.003-04:00

EEEEEEEEEEEIEIEIEIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIII!!!!!! Oh man, I have a crush. A big crush. I haven't had this big of a crush since Dr. Danger. And even that crush kind of didn't count because I was so nervous & reserved about myself the whole time. Know what? This time I'm going to actively try not to be so much.

I'm going to let my guard down.

Yes, I realize that this could mean the end of me. Doesn't work out, I may as well permenantly (or at least for like a month) hang up my boots & call it a day. Hello Vermont. Hello barn cats. Hello milking cows. Hello horseback riding. Hello farming. Hello artificial insemination.

Actually, that all doesn't sound too bad, eh?

But for now, I'm riding this wave. D asked me out last night after talking for quite a while. He's sweet. And so cute. And funny. And laughed at my dumb jokes. And british. And really, really smart. And really, really liked Cat's Cradle.

How am I ever going to sit through 4 hours of Public Health Policy tonight?

Another First

2009-09-22T21:58:00.001-04:00

1st day at BU. Just got home from class. Need to be up in 8.5 hours. I'm sleepy.

Rejuvinatingish

2009-09-13T20:01:00.004-04:00

Mmmmmm...... Just got back from another Cape weekend & I can say with confidence that this one far better than the last. We ran, sat on the beach, read, laughed, made amazing food, laughed, did gymnastics (or at least I did & might have been missed by the others) & enjoyed each other's company. (did i mention laughing?) To be honest, we all stayed relatively drunk the entire time & I decided last night in my stupor that sleeping without pants was a great idea. This morning I awoke at the insanely early hour of 5 a.m. since I was the first to bed by far. At one point around midnight, I woke up to late night laughter & thought "I should go join the party". Then "nah, I'll just put on pants & go back to sleep" won out. Hopefully no one saw my bum. When I finally did wake up to get water Jason was sprawled out on the living room floor. Ha! Cold hard apparently works for everyone.

Good news is that my biostats homework for this week is done & despite years of not practicing, I can still do some pretty spectacular math problems after a bottle of wine. Go brain!

But for some bad news, one of the sweetest, most honest people I've met & clicked with in a while is moving at the end of the month to be with his boyfriend in Dallas. Jonathan will certainly leave a hole in our hearts with his physical absence but hopefully move back soon.

Breathing Easy

2009-09-11T15:05:00.004-04:00

This semester:
-Biostats
-Public Health Policy

Ballet classes:
-Monday with Marisa
-Thursday with Cosmin

Other activities:
-Book Club
-Writing for 30pov.com
-Time with friends
-Must find a Patsy for my Eddy from Abs Fab Halloween Costume (trying to get one of my men to dress in drag)

Last week:
Quit my job

This week:
Have slept well every night & woken up refreshed & happy

Tonight:
Cocktail with myself & dying my hair back to chestnut rouge & a nice, long car ride with Jonathan

This weekend:
Cape Cod & z-values

Next week:
Ian's wedding!

No stress stomach aches for over a week now. No panic attacks. No uncontrollable crying. No toothbrushing spurring involuntary vomiting. A smile on my face.

Maybe that's why the absolutely adorable waiter, D is what we'll call him, at Upstairs kinda hit on me Monday evening. He asked to take me up on my offer of lending him Cat's Cradle (it was much cuter than that). Guess who has a crush!

Saturday night lights....or something

2009-09-05T18:45:00.002-04:00

Dinner at the Cellar. Hello tater tots! (not as good as the Skylark but they have the 3 dipping sauces so that puts them in a league of their own). Then we walk across the street to Middle East & listen to Cymbals Eat Guitars, someone I can't remember & The Pains of Being Pure at Heart.

My dates: Physics John (he's in for the weekend from his snazzy new postdoc position at NYU) & Corina!!!!! Bring on the free High Lifes.....sister's wearing out a short skirt!

Two Weeks Notice

2009-09-03T22:51:00.003-04:00

Guess who gave their 2 weeks. Guess who'll hopefully not have to be pummeled with work in 3 weeks. Guess who won't be working in a machine in 3 weeks. Guess who's finally calmed down after freaking out about Biostats, but was reassured after the first one. Guess who'll have a nice night's sleep tonight without the looming 3 a.m. mental wake up call of what needs to be done tomorrow.

Hello BU. Hello tuition reimbursement. Hello less workload. Hello a small department. Hello less commuting all over Boston.

Looks like I belong on the Southside of cities.

No more miss nice girl (2 of 3)

2009-08-28T23:59:00.007-04:00

It's been raining on & off tonight around these parts. No better time to sit on the porch & write than a nice, quiet, cool night.

About a year ago I met my neighbors (very good friends) out at Charlie's. Joe, a coworker of Michael's, joined along. Joe was cool & we all had a lot in common so conversation flowed within the group. As for anything but friends, I've never been interested in Joe. And I expressed that, however, new friends are always good. Right? That night Joe'd brought his screenplay for me to read. Coincidence put us in the same bar as Turtle from Entourage & my best drunken idea that night was to introduce the screenplay in hopes that it would produce some sort of connection. It wasn't taken well by one of the parties, who stormed off.

Bad feelings ensued & I felt very guilty about the situation. Since we had been drinking heavily, I thought that I'd deeply offended since, you know, people get quite offended about things & I'm very good at offending because I'm an idiot.

So when Joe extended an olive branch after a period of him "not talking to me", I was happy to oblige & put forth a sincere apology for what I didn't know that I'd done.

Quickly, Joe & I started talking regularly again. I'd very clearly stated, & acted on, that I wanted nothing more than friendship. (please note that I said this to him & the neighbors more than once....like a half dozen times just so no one got the wrong idea) Yay! We're friends. He just happened to be in area with beer one Sunday. We grabbed dinner another night & I spouted more than I should have about the recent dating situations I was in (this comes up later). Sure, I'll go to a fancy holiday party for good food. Yeah, we'll have dinner at your place, no biggie. I have dinner at friends' all the time.

That's how we work. I cook, They cook. But when "you should stay here & we'll just call in sick tomorrow" I ran for a taxi. I was very uncomfortable with that.

After that I made a point to make a some distance, since by this point he was calling/texting/emailing (many times all 3) everyday. That is a relationship, my friends, exactly what I had said all along that I am not interested in with him. Please note: if I do not love you, I probably will not love you any time soon. You will not change my mind by attempting to manipulate me & leaving a rose at my door is nothing that "friends" do.

On the day of the holiday party, a blizzard came Boston's way. I texted that I thought it might be smart to stay home since the weather was awful. He said that was good. Then I confirmed that I wouldn't be heading out. The response was less understanding this time: it'll let up & to get into a cab & make it there.

No. I do not take orders like that from anyone. Nor should I.

For the next few weeks I got sporadic texts, you know, how are you? and merry christmas and happy new year, etc. Attempting to gingerly avoid communication (me: been busy & it's not letting up). I did not feel comfortable with that situation any longer. I'd made myself perfectly clear that I was not interested sexually in him & never would be on many, many occasions. I never led him on by dressing seductively or kissing or holding hands or anything.

Then I received a text in the middle of January (paraphrased) "how are you, how were your holidays, i'm good, we should have dinner, i've been having naughty thoughts about you. do you have the videos i lent you?".

That was it. The final straw. I felt dirty even reading that. And despite Joe's "teasing" nature, that was utterly uncalled for. He would never send that text to Jesse.

So I wrote an email stating that the last text was uncomfortable for me, that I wished him well, but that this had gone too far. Clearly holding my ground but by no means saying anything cruel. His response was less than kind. He used what I'd told him about dating against me. He used some awful words to describe me & his intentions were clearly to hurt my feelings. And as much as I wanted to argue with false accusations & just being outright mean, I didn't. Why waste my energy on something like that? I'd spoken my peace. This ridiculousness needed to just end.

Which is when I learned how to not call back. Not try to respond and subsequently react. There is no reason to respond in certain situations. This was one of them. And so a good lesson learned.

Busy busy busy.

Well, the storm just really hit. Time to snuggle up in bed with Georgie. Tomorrow: 1 to 3 chapters of Public Health Policy for class that starts next week. Wheeeeeee!!!

Happy Anniversary Boston!

2009-08-25T19:12:00.006-04:00

It's been 2 years & I love you more now than the day I met you. I've skipped along the path with you, planted flowers in you, cherished each of the seasons twice now with you, and have grown an intimate relationship. You've been dependable by the likes of loving me even in my paint-stained sweatpants, providing me with delicious meals, cheering me up when I'm lonely with your restaurants, parks, ocean, and inspiring me to get out there even when I didn't want to. Thank you.

Alas, if only you were a man.

Tonight Michelle & I are celebrating by making eggplant parmesan, drinking red wine, and talking about how much you mean to us.

Self Promotion

2009-08-23T19:35:00.005-04:00

Yeah yeah yeah. It's been a couple weeks. I wrote this little thing for this website that you can find here: 30pov.com.

#2 of the trilogy comes up soon. Just not tonight.

Instead, I'll selfishly finish off a completely selfish day by selfishly telling just how much I've loved myself today.

Long jog, shower to Graceland, walk to Harvard Square, brunch at Upstairs, finish the Mayor of Castro Street, grab a Parisian at Cardullo's for dinner, pick up snapdragons, walk home, arrange said snapdragons around the house in tall vases, fold laundry & put it away, open a nice bottle of Italian white, spend an hour with the roomie talking on the porch, watch Sex & the City reruns.

Now.

Mmmmmmm.....all that's left to do is to make my bed, take a shower (it's 2 showers/day weather here), and snuggle up with Georgie, a new book & a cup of tea.

What a day.

School starts in a week & a half so I've taken the liberty to celebrate my 2 year anniversary with Boston today enjoying some of my favorite activities in Cambridge. Next weekend is the Cape with Jeanne & Ryan. Throughout the next week & a half, I plan to enjoy how much this lovely city has to offer. So it's not really about the anniversary, but about enjoying this beautiful city while I can before starting up grad school for serious.

And in perfect timing, Monkey Boo called just a minute ago. Time to eat a delicious sandwich & chat with a lovely lady.

Waking Up Crying

2009-08-06T15:26:00.002-04:00

Last night I dreamt that Georgie got out & ran away. It was worse than the dream last week which featured a cameo by an ex where he actually paid me back some of the money he owed (technically present tense but i've know for a while that i would never see that $$ again) me. That dream was uncomfortable. Last night's was just devastating.

Exhausting Options: internet dating

2009-08-01T19:41:00.006-04:00

So this a story. A dating story. The first of three in this series. One of them is not about dating but rather the ridiculousness that people construct in their minds. The theme of these three stories should exemplify how much I've grown in terms of men. I used to deal with this shit & make excuses. Wishing for someone's attention. Hoping that they'll come around. Thinking that these little quirks will at some point become endearing. Unfortunately, they won't. As I flatly told a friend earlier this week.....excusing this ends in living with the troll, which, to date is the most awful break up story amongst any of my friends. And looking back, I thank him for shocking me back to reality in that way. Making me realize that it really shouldn't be that difficult, at least at first.

And onward.

So after hearing many times that "I just haven't found the one" and people asking how I meet people and every successful, single girl's favorite, the lesbian rumor, I decided to finally exhaust all possibilities. I've met people out. Met people through friends. Met people through family. I finally turned to the internet.

One of my very sweet & wonderful friends found her boyfriend & future husband through craigslist. (shut up. this was before the cl killer thing) So I figured that I would go through some profiles. One of them was sweet, articulate, creative. So I responded. He wrote back. His picture was very cute. He held up a great conversation and was obviously quite educated. We met up in Harvard Square (my "safe" place since I always know someone there whether it'd be randomly running into friends or strategically visiting a venue I know the workers). We met at Shay's (which is right next door to a liquor store & a record shop of which I frequent & they know me & I know them) for drinks. First, his picture was at least 10 years old. Who was this skinny, old-looking-before-his-time person standing next to me? Within an hour I learned that he doesn't let his dogs in the room while he's making love, prefers women's jeans, is a hemophiliac, and has a cracked tooth which is an issue because of his hemophilia. He also told me that he comes from a prominent Jewish family in New York, as his father was a lawyer & he's told his mom that he's never getting married.

Thank you. No.

Then a couple months later I became lonely again. You know, wanting a date, some attention. It happens, right? So on a hungover Sunday morning I signed up for 3 months of eHarmony (which I didn't realize is a Christian dating thing and doesn't allow homosexual dating...not that I would have noticed because I wasn't looking for a woman but after these last months, I might be). Part of the profile asks you to rate your attractiveness, which I've learned that modesty is not good. Honesty is the best policy, right? So I put myself down as a 7, which I think is accurate. And then is asks you how important is attractiveness, which I also answered honestly with "quite important". Well, let me tell you that people think that they are a lot more attractive than they actually are. Either that or my personality fits well with ugly, fat men with children (also put on there that I did not want someone to have kids....I'm a stepkid & it sucked).

There was one guy, Adam, who seemed pretty nice, funny, enjoyed a lot of the same activities, also thinks that "Day-man" & "Night-man" are the most hilarious things ever. So we met for tea on a Thursday since Mom flew in the next morning for our Mother's Day. Tea went so well that we moved on to Pinocchio'. He gave me a hug at the end of the night & went on our way. I walked home with hope & a smile.

The weekend with Mom included walking around, sightseeing, all of the normal visitor activities. We talked for hours. During lounging time in Harvard Yard I received a text from Adam. "Crazy idea but let me know if you'd be interested in drinking wine in our underware". Woah. Seriously? My response was "Going to ballet tonight". What I should have said was "No, because we've only met, I'm not into date rape, & I can't date someone who misspells underwear".

Not a huge surprise, I haven't heard from him since.

So I was done. For a few months at least.

Hurt So Good

2009-07-21T21:05:00.004-04:00

You know when your muscles are so sore that your bones hurt? That's where I am right now. Thank you killer ballet & pilates classes. Time for a hot bath.

You know what else? I've learned a lot about people lately & through that, myself. This remains a constant experience with random blips of realization. Emotionally, it's exhilarating and sad. If nothing else, more compassion grows in my heart.

Firsts/Vacation/The_Cape.doc

2009-07-18T09:43:00.003-04:00

Another first this weekend.........a visit to Cape Cod (The Cape). Last night I slept a straight 7.5 hours without waking up once. This is glorious & amazing. Time for a jog.....and then some seafood.

Pictures to come.

Chump Change

2009-07-10T09:23:00.003-04:00

Yo. In the midst (goes out this afternoon) of another huge grant. This one is $14 million for HIV immunology. There is another one, for $20 million, at the end of the month. That will make it close to $100 million in submitted grants within less than 2 years.

I feel anxious, nervous & hadn't slept well (2 hour here, 3 hours there) in a week. Last night was the first time I've dreamt in over a week & I usually dream every night at least a little.

I'm usually a good sleeper, what can I say?

People want to "go out" after work. For Scorpion Bowls (super-sugary kool-aid + shelf vodka) at the Hong Kong (frat boys & bros) for Karaoke (voluntary public humiliation).

The bathtub & an enormous bowl of Breyer's Strawberry & my couch for a girlie movie seem much more in order. Fortunately, my friend, Heidi, who is also a masseuse (massage therapist, whatever), has open appointments this weekend. Hello 90 minutes of pure body love & thanks Dad & Mo for the birthday present.