Blue Skies Forever

We've Moved!

2007-08-16T12:01:00.000-04:00

This blog is done. Our new home is here:

http://www.damonagnos.com

!!!!!

2007-07-16T13:35:00.001-04:00

Haymaker & Sally Trailer!

2006-12-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

Brace yourself for a double shot of buddy cop!

Toward Cinematic Greatness

2006-11-27T15:45:00.000-05:00

Greetings, (Remaining) Loyal Readers,

We hope that, in the absence of our regular posting, the archives are rewarding your occasional visits with amusement. We post today to notify our Seattle-area readers of a can't-miss, free event tomorrow (Tuesday, November 28th) at the Pink Door in the Pike Place Market:

A Series of Short Films by Jason Reid

Among the night's attractions will be the WORLD PREMIERE of the trailer for the highly-anticipated buddy cop opus, Haymaker & Sally.

Jason Reid on the set of Haymaker & Sally. Photo Credit: Andrew Miller

Whither Pinto? The Cameraman Obscura Returneth

2006-03-04T04:21:00.000-05:00

While reader mail has slowed to a trickle since we took our near-six-month hiatus in 2005, we still have the good fortune of receiving the occasional missive. Lately, several of you have inquired about Pinto. Where has he gone, you ask, now that his great world tour is over? After all he told us of his adventures in Krabi, Chiang Mai, Bangkok, Wellington, Greymouth, Christchurch, Lima, and Miami, he has seen fit to tell us nothing since?!

Well, Dear Readers, our friend Pinto has returned to his roots, both geographically and artistically. He currently resides in the family nest in Bothell (Welcomes you...for a day or a lifetime), Washington.

Moreover, he is enrolled in a graphic design program, which has brought him back to photography, the medium in which he first made a name for himself (with his sublime and simply titled collection, Carts).

Pinto recently produced this insightful illustrated essay on the work of the famous photographer William Eggleston. He gave us permission to post it online and suggested that we link also to Eggleston's official site. Enjoy!

Finally, our good friend Nick (pictured here, here, and here), an impressive photographer in his own right, has re-launched his official site. Enjoy Nick's photographs and his handsome, bearded mug on the contact page.

We're So Vain, We Probably Think This Post Is About Our Beard (It Is!!)

2006-02-22T23:44:00.000-05:00

Greetings, Loyal Readers!

Things have been a bit busy over here, making blog posting difficult. Today, however, our friend A.C. sent us a link that we thought might amuse you. So without further ado:

The World Beard and Moustache Championships

Our hope of entering the 2007 competition has been roundly mocked--especially by our ever-supportive girlfriend, Katie. Further, our ex-girlfriend, the Furminator, derided our beard as "patchy" and "pubescent." Well, readers, we have photographic evidence to the contrary. Below, you will find our application photographs for the categories "Best Full Beard, Natural" and "Best Saturday Night Goatee, Freestyle." Eat your hearts out, ladies!

Best Full Beard, Natural

Best Saturday Night Goatee, Freestyle

**BONUS BEARD LINK**

I'M the handsome one!

Rumor Mill: Haymaker & Sally

2006-02-14T12:20:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day, Readers!

The solipsism here at Blue Skies Forever is reaching new heights/depths. We post today to inform you of a rumor about ourself--and also to confirm it. It is our own little call-and-response; we are our own hollaback girl!

Nature of rumor: Exciting, benign, confirmed.

Substance of rumor: With the help of our one-time nemesis Sujan, we are in the process of developing the story and screenplay for Haymaker & Sally, a movie about two buddy cops who get in over their heads battling the criminal gang, the Beards. The Beards, it turns out, are both more and less than meets the eye--with friends in high and low places.

The players:

Clifton Haymaker: Clifford

Had a starring role in The Reid/Secrest Olympics. (Photograph not taken from a hostage video.)

Carol "Clyde" Sally: Kevin

Director and star of Blue Collar Escape. Also appeared in The Reid/Secrest Olympics.

Leader of the Beards: Ron Dejais

Director and star of The Reid/Secrest Olympics.

Emissary: Sujan

Army Ranger: Andy

Police Lieutenant with Political Aspirations: Brandon

Brandon has yet to give a firm commitment to the role, but we think he'll have a hard time turning it down once he sees the script.

Still Searching for/Demanding a Role: Our girlfriend, Katie

Pictured here with Ani Dollfranco. Thank you, Jess.

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive listing of the cast. We are in negotiations with a number of stars and will announce new signings as they occur. Generally, we will keep you posted on any major progress with the project. Look for Haymaker & Sally to hit screens across America in late summer, 2006.

Finally, for those looking for a love-related post on Valentine's Day, we direct you to our archives, to our friend A.C. and his adventures in romance.

The Boys Done Good!

2006-02-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

You grew up with them, Loyal Readers. Or rather, they grew up with you. You voted on their name (not that they listened...kids!); you printed their poster and put it on your refrigerator (right next to those report cards!); you took them to soccer practice; you chaperoned their concerts.

Well, it looks like the boys of Mooncalf (Hot Atmosphere/Asbestos We Can/Shiri) have finally grown up, and in A BIG WAY!

The other day, we were listening to KEXP--more specifically to the John in the Morning show, which draws so many listeners that it has led a college radio station (albeit one that receives money from Paul Allen) to pay the D.J. a $90,000 annual salary--when, between songs by indie stalwarts Arab Strap and our favorite band, the Clash, there came the familiar strains of the music of our boys! Incredulous, we performed the virtual self-pinch of checking the playlist. Word is, they're being played regularly. And they've set up their own webpage and myspace page for those looking to learn more about the band and listen to some of their songs.

Of course, our boys haven't grown up so much that they no longer need our support, or at least that it doesn't make us feel proud to support them. So, to request their music, e-mail your KEXP DJ. And to buy their album, visit Sonic Boom Records in Seattle (locations in Capitol Hill, Ballard, and West Seattle) or just stay home and order your copy online.

Finally, rumor has it Mooncalf's music may be featured prominently in the buddy cop movie Haymaker & Sally, which is tentatively slated for release in late summer, 2006.

"I just listened to the entire Mooncalf album and I want it desperately!"
Dakota

Officially Awful

2006-02-06T01:16:00.000-05:00

Bill Simmons: Shouldn't the refs just replace the flags with Terrible Towels at this point?

Concluding observations: Pittsburgh is good at trick plays and the Seahawks can't manage the clock. Congrats to the Steelers and their fans, but this Hawks fan shall not go down without crying the bitter lament of the wronged (and linking to the laments of more impartial observers).

Hawks get robbed

Refs were far from super in this one

Throw a flag on these Super Bowl referees

Game's third team upstaged Steelers, Hawks

Stealers: How the referees handed Pittsburgh the Super Bowl

Give The Super Bowl MVP To The Officials

Not so Super officiating

Iffy officiating

Reader Reaction: Super Bowl XL

TV unveils zebras at their worst

Get to Know Your Super Bowl XL

2006-02-04T23:25:00.000-05:00

Greetings, Readers!

Game Day is finally upon us! After two weeks of constant media coverage, you may feel like you know all there is to know about Super Bowl XL and its participants. But we here at Blue Skies Forever have sorted through the hype, puff pieces, and platitudes to give you the real skinny. First, we profile five important members of each team. After that, we present our four keys to the game. Finally, we give our prediction. Enjoy!

FIVE IMPORTANT MEMBERS OF EACH TEAM

Pittsburgh Steelers

Joey Porter

The pain train's comin', bitch!

Porter is believed to suffer from a rare form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was rejected for the role of Terry Tate, Office Linebacker in his 2001 audition and has refused to break character ever since.

Troy Polamalu

Troy Polamalu is actually a girl, a fact she hides by always showering and changing out of the view of her teammates. But don't let your biases fool you into thinking she can't play--she is still one of the fastest and most feared safeties in the NFL!

Bill Cowher

Unlike his successful coaching career, Cowher's stand-up comedy career (his signature line, generally delivered at the conclusion of a story about his authority over his players, was "because I'm the Man...dible!") failed to get off the ground.

Jerome Bettis

A real throwback.

The Terrible Towel

Though not technically a Steeler team "member," the Terrible Towel is known for its super absorbancy and is thus a favorite of custodians everywhere. "I don't know what we would do without it," says Dave Fleury, booth maintenance supervisor at Seattle's Lusty Lady.

Seattle Seahawks

Mack Strong

Seattle's starting fullback is less well-known for his successful film acting career. Among his best are "Some Like it Strong", "The Stronger They Come", "The Strongest Yard", and "All Night Strong".

Jerramy Stevens

While his skills were recently questioned by Joey Porter, Stevens has proven that he can run and he can hit (and not necessarily in that order).

Marcus Trufant

Shown here giving a visual representation of what the Seahawks defense gives its opponents in the red zone.

Lofa Tatupu

Loofah Falafel?

An oft-repeated hypothesis holds that, given infinite time and typewriters, an infinite group of monkeys would eventually produce the works of William Shakespeare. We think it more likely that, given infinite cell-phone minutes and young, pretty producers, an infinite group of Bill O'Reillys would at least once utter "Lofa Tatupu" during an obscene, harassing phone call.

Mike Holmgren

A highly evolved coach, Holmgren has taken the West Coast offense into the 21st Century. Goo goo g'joob.

FOUR KEYS TO THE GAME

The Florida Key

The Latchkey

The Key of B-Flat Major

The Turkey

OUR PREDICTION

Based on insider information, we predict:

Seahawks 31
Steelers 14

Enjoy the game!

Paul Revere Redux

2006-02-01T00:06:00.000-05:00

THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!!!!!!

Thinking Positive

2006-01-28T23:22:00.000-05:00

The other day, we were getting ready to play a game of basketball when we felt a rather painful twinge in our lower back. Now this was nothing new--these twinges have been coming and going for the last six months or so. Accustomed as we've become to the nuisance, we were nevertheless frustrated.

"Damnit!" We said. "We've got a bad back."

Just then, a not-so-little bird landed on our shoulder, sending us sprawling across the gym floor and aggravating the pain immensely. We blacked out.

"Don't we know you somehow?" We asked after coming to.

"Of course," said the bird. "I'm Blitz!"

Blitz, the official mascot of the NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks

"And you need to learn to be more positive. You don't have a BAD BACK, you have a GOOD FRONT!"

Blitz and ourself got to talking--about backs, fronts, life, and the power of positive thinking.

"You know, Damon," he told us, "I didn't expect this. Last March, my friend Biz and I began planning for our Super Bowl party, Biz & Blitz's XL Blitz & Biz."

"But now it turns out I'm headed to Detroit. And I'll tell you this much--that Roethlisberger kid is going down."

You heard it here first, folks:

Seahawks 31
Steelers 14

Recommendations: Movie, Music, and Book

2006-01-17T22:51:00.000-05:00

Greetings, Friends!

Below are our recommendations. Enjoy!

MOVIE: MY BREAKFAST WITH BLASSIE

Andy Kaufman's response to Louis Malle's My Dinner with Andre, My Breakfast with Blassie was filmed without a script at Sambo's, a Hollywood diner. Kaufman and Freddie Blassie, a former wrestler and the self-proclaimed King of Men, discuss many things, such as the importance of washing one's hands, the vagaries of wrestling, and the demands of stardom, as well as Japan, the Shah of Iran, and herpes. An aburdist delight.

Blassie: What are you gonna have?
Kaufman: Well, um...
Blassie: I’m not much one for steak. I hate steak.
Kaufman: uh-huh.
Blassie: Chicken I only like the white meat.
Kaufman: I dunno—I guess I’ll just have eggs or something
Blassie: yeah, that sounds good
Kaufman: Or maybe pancakes, or
Blassie: Pancakes, eh, they’re not too good for you.
Kaufman: Why not?
Blassie: Like eating a bunch of dough.
Kaufman: Really?
Blassie: Really, yeah, nah,
Kaufman: What about French Toast or Waff—?
Blassie: French Toast, same thing. Don’t eat any—too much bread.
Kaufman: Waffles?
Blassie: Waffles, the same thing.
Kaufman: Well, what’s good then?
Blassie: [laughs] Why don’t you have some turkey, then?
Kaufman: Oh yeah, for breakfast, though? This is breakfast.
Blassie: Oh yeah, that’s right.
Kaufman: Yeah
Blassie: Well, see, I mean, in my business, I mean, you eat breakfast any time of the day, whenever you wake up. So I’m accustomed to eating turkey all hours of the time, makes no difference.
Kaufman: Well, you know wha—
Blassie: You gonna have some eggs?
Kaufman: Is it alright with you if I, if I, uh, take off my jacket?
Blassie: Certainly. I mean, we’re friends of long standing. You can do anything you want. You want to get up and dance a jig, you can dance a jig.
Kaufman: OK
Blassie: Do anything.
Kaufman: OK
Blassie: Been a long time since we seen each other. You’re doing real well.

"The reason I don't like to shake hands with nobody is I don't know if they've been to the men's room, been to the toilet, and their finger went right through the tissue...and I'm gonna shake hands with these pencil-neck geeks?! Some guys only use two or three tissues...I use a half a roll if I've got to go...I'll be darn sure my hand don't go through...plus the fact that I scrub underneath my fingernails very good and everything...but what the hell are we talkin' bout that for? We're eating breakfast...But everything's going real well for you. I'm very happy for you."

"Just because I gave you the autograph, then you keep sitting there...I shouldn't have given you the autograph...Why can't you let people have privacy; we're just like you. We're human beings...I didn't start bothering you...I don't really care...I don't need you, OK?...You know they say always be nice to them on the way up because when you come down you'll need them, well I'm not coming down so what would I need you for?"

(Note: If you want My Breakfast with Blassie on DVD, it's only available as the B-side of I'm From Hollywood, a documentary about Andy Kaufman's wrestling exploits in the South.

MUSIC: JANUARY 11 ROADHOUSE, "MARTIN LUTHER KING AND THE SONGS OF FREEDOM--HOW GOSPEL MUSIC INSPIRED A MOVEMENT."

Those of you who are familiar know that every Wednesday from 6 to 9 PM Pacific Time, Greg Vandy's Roadhouse on Seattle's KEXP features a great collection of Americana--blues, soul, gospel, bluegrass, folk, zydeco, etc.

We particularly enjoyed his show on January 11th, entitled "Martin Luther King and the Songs of Freedom--How Gospel Music Inspired a Movement." Songs by The Staple Singers, Nina Simone, Alabama Christian Movement Choirs, and others are interspersed with speeches by King and others, and Vandy also interviews composer, historian, and civil rights movement participant Bernice Johnson Reagon. The archived show will be up for only another week, so get it while you can. However, we always recommend the archived Roadhouse shows. You can find them here, by using the drop down menu under programs to select "Roadhouse". Of course, you can listen to them live at the aforementioned time simply by visiting KEXP and clicking the "listen live" link.

Bernice Johnson Reagon

BOOK: ADVENTURES IN ARABIA

Much has been written over the last several years on the lack of understanding between the United States and pretty much every Middle Eastern country except Israel. Unfortunately, Rick Steves, the person most qualified to give us these societies through the eyes of a tourist, has not seen fit to take his show further East then Turkey.

Go east, young man!

Thus, we rewind almost 80 years to Adventures in Arabia, by William B. Seabrook. Seabrook travelled to Arabia simply for the pleasure of it, and recounts what he saw and heard with a child's skepticism. Here are a couple of excerpts:

On the camel, generally:

He has the combined malice and stupidity of the worst type of "jarhead" Georgia mule. He is as ugly as sin, and he does not belie his appearance. His black heart is filled with a vicious and melancholy hatred. He frequently stinks, or rather his breath does, like ten thousand constipated devils. And one of his favorite tricks is to vomit his vile greenish cud explosively in the face of the man who may be seeking to do him a kindness. He will bite you, not in anger as high-tempered horses sometimes do, but in casual, cold contumacy. If you are lying asleep, he will walk out of his way to step on your face. A dying camel has been known to drag himself for miles to a spring, not to drink there--so the Arabs take oath--but so that his carcass might pollute the water and poison those who come to drink afterward. If there is a ditch or pit, he will seek it out and fall in, breaking his legs if need be, merely to inconvenience his master. He is lazy and treacherous. Nobody loves him--not even Allah, the Merciful, the Compassionate.

Recounting a story he heard of the heroics of the Druse Sultan Pasha:

Meantime, the French had sent three tanks to take the prisoner to Damascus...As we continued to ride twoard them, Sultan Pasha's power surged suddenly within him. With a great shout he urged his white mare into a gallop, and then into a run. When he reached the plain, he was riding on, nearly a quarter of a mile ahead, full tilt, against the first tank.

He was fired on, but escaped untouched, though four bullets went through the folds of his abba. The top lid of the tank had been left open because of the heat. Throwing away his gun, Sultan Pasha rode his horse at full speed against the tank, leaped from the saddle on top of it and with his sword slew the captain and lieutenant who were inside. In his battle fury he was not content to kill with a single downward stroke. Twenty sword thrusts were found in the captain's body afterward.

My Bologna Has a Second Name--It's S-T-E-W-A-R-T!

2006-01-11T02:53:00.000-05:00

Let's hear you make a chant out of that one, Gwen! Holla back at us, girl!

Blue Skies 4-eva!

Greetings, Friends!

And welcome to the First Annual Blue Skies Forever Stewart-off! This idea was born when we came across a headline reading "Stewart to Replace Rock as Host of Oscars." Immediately, our mind went into overdrive. Stewart? Stewart? Who could that be?

Strangely, we did not think of Jon. Further, we must admit our disappointment that he was the Stewart selected. After all, we can see him any weeknight. But what about all of the underappreciated Stewarts out there? Surely there is an audience for them, no? Thus, we decided to hold our own selection process to see which Stewart should host the Academy Awards. The results might surprise you.

Without further ado, we present the First Annual Blue Skies Forever Stewart-off:

Number 6: Rod Stewart

A 1970s sex symbol. Dragon above, Dragon below!

Number 5: Tony Stewart

The favorite of Academy moderates, Stewart had the potential to win over that elusive demographic, the NASCAR Dads.

Number 4: Patrick Stewart

He's more than just the guy you picture on the other side of that gloryhole.

Number 3: Martha Stewart

On next week's "Martha Stewart's Living", Gwen Stefani will be paying a visit. Watch as the Harajuku Girls and Martha's yes-people make things out of bananas, while Gwen seranades them with an a capella version of "Don't Speak." Plus, Gwen dresses up the girls in tracking bracelets to match Martha's.

Number 2: Dave Stewart

Actual behind-the-scenes Academy conversation, jotted down by intrepid reporter Pinto:
James Lipton: I would have preferred Jimmy, but Dave won 22 games in 1990. I think he may still have it.
Uma Thurman: (sighs) Well, at least he'll be better than that other Dave.
Carrot Top: (Laughs uproariously)

And the winner of the First Annual Blue Skies Forever Stewart-off is...

French Stewart!

Threeve

Science Man: My Visage Reclamation Project

2006-01-03T04:56:00.000-05:00

We received the following e-mail from Science Man:

Dear Damon,

I hope this message finds you well. I apologize that I have been incommunicado for so long. And incommunicado is the right word, for I am in Latin America!

2006 is upon us; may it bring only the best to you and your readers. Indeed, my hopes are high, for I can look back at 2005 as a year of lessons. I experienced debilitating loneliness while studying in Berlin, survived an assassination attempt, was expelled from equestrian camp, and failed in my pursuit of a certain beauty. I now realize that, despite my talents, the monastic life of the academic is not for me. Nor is the single-minded pursuit of romance. 'Tis pigeon-hearted to be cold-hearted, no doubt, but there are better ways to warm that organ than with the song of the sylph.

Thus, looking forward, I have decided to travel south, to that "other" America, to discuss with some close friends how I might re-apply myself to struggles for the collective good.

Attached you will find two photographs. As you know, in 2005, the face of my doppelganger, John Bolton, was all over the news--so much so that many now think I am him, and associate me with Condoleezza Rice (with whom he is often pictured) and the Bush Administration. To combat these popular misconceptions, as well as to celebrate my renewed commitment to justice and solidarity, I shall be sending photographs regularly. Consider it my visage reclamation project.

Your friend,
Science Man

Congratulating my good friend Evo on his victory

Hugo is like family to me

End of the Year Awards, 2005

2005-12-31T07:07:00.000-05:00

Greetings, Friends!

As you know, much has passed since our last post. Contrary to the predictions of some pundits, 2005 was actually quite eventful. Alas, given the long inactive stretches for Blue Skies Forever (5/24 – 7/07, 7/13 - 12/31), it might also be consider underblogged. Thus we return, in the spirit of tokenism, and give you our End of the Year Awards:

Where Are They Now? Tabron

As was the case last year, our inquiry is sincere. (We’d still love to hear anything on the whereabouts or doings of the resourceful Perley King.) Web searches don't confirm even the one-time existence of 1980s hip-hop duo Tabron, who helped pave the way for the modern era's great, two rapper duos, such as Black Star and Outkast. Tabron might be best known for their video tribute to a certain former NBA player. Blue Skies Forever is currently in negotiations to post the video online. Stay tuned!

You couldn’t have done it without Tabron.

Best New Artist (new to ourself, at least): Blue Scholars

We were introduced to this Seattle-based hip-hop duo by Science Man, who seems to have rediscovered his radical roots. The Blue Scholars combine superb sampling with intelligent and angry politics, as well as many shouts out to the 206, most notably their tribute to the glory days of "the Ave." You can listen to some of their songs here and here.

Best Urban Life Anecdote

This one is taken directly from the Last Days section of Seattle's The Stranger:

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13 In much lighter news: Today brought a world-class Hot Tip from gifted Hot Tipper Ismael, eyewitness to an extraordinarily rich collision of humanity on that celebrated petri dish of human freakishness, Seattle Metro. But as Ismael makes clear, Metro-based lunacy isn't limited to riders, but occasionally strikes drivers as well, with driver-related psychosis typically taking the form of fierce bureaucratic hostility dished out by hair-trigger taskmasters ready to pounce on every perceived slight to their necessary but arbitrary superiority. Case in point: Today's driver of a midday #43 heading from downtown up Capitol Hill, a 40-something man whose slow-burning spite flared to life with a dose of itchy racial tension. "At Sixth and Pike, the bus stopped to let on a gentleman in a wheelchair," writes Ismael. "To prepare for the boarding, the bus driver 'asked' an older lady to move from her seat in the handicap area up front. (I punctuate 'asked,' because all I heard him say was, 'Move.') The older lady, who was African-American, said, 'I'm moving!' and the driver—who was also African-American—said it again, 'Move!' As the older lady obeyed, she asked, 'Why didn't you pick that side?' indicating the handicap seat opposite her own, occupied by a Caucasian woman. 'I'll pick whatever side I want,' the driver said, 'Now move.' 'You don't wanna disturb the white lady,' the older lady said, reportedly sending the driver into a tizzy: 'That's it. Either you get off, or this bus ain't moving.' The older lady replied, 'I ain't gettin' off the bus.' You can guess the rest," writes Ismael. "A trickle of exiting passengers soon became a mass exodus as everybody got off that damned bus—including the driver, who made a show of disconnecting the bus poles from their electric cables. One relocated on a #14 bus, I looked into the near-empty #43 and saw the guy in a wheelchair, who looked despondent. All he wanted was to get up the hill, for Christ's sake. Bonus irony points: The older lady was sitting in one of those seats recently designated In Honor of Rosa Parks."

That's all for now, folks. Stay tuned for occasional news of Science Man, Pinto, MeShow, Jeffrey, Hot Atmosphere, ourself, and the rest of the Blue Skies Forever gang. Happy New Year!

An Enchanting Album

2005-07-13T12:14:00.000-04:00

Greetings, Friends!

Blue Skies Forever is pleased to announce the official release of our friend Tim Seely's album, Funeral Music. Tim performed in the KEXP studio last Saturday; you can hear his performance here. Go to "Listen by time" select Saturday, July 9th for the date, and 6:00 PM for the time. You'll hear the last 15 seconds or so of some song before Tim comes on.

Of course, we have had an advance copy of Funeral Music for some time, its cover featuring personalized artwork by Tim himself. We can vouch for the album's quality and for the quality of the man who, in his own words, keeps "churning out the hits." However, if you'd rather take the word of a more impartial observer, a person of great learning and impeccable taste, in whose shadow we dwell and to whose beaconing light we are drawn (all of us except perhaps Shiri), we give you the opinion of our poet laureate, Science Man:

Science Man's doppelganger, John Bolton

"Your friend Tim's song, Trucker's Lullaby, while sad, is a thing of great beauty--a spark, a glow--and has helped me through the winter."
Science Man, 20 February 2005

Buy Funeral Music!

Over One Month Later, The World Still Spins

2005-07-07T23:26:00.000-04:00

Greetings, Friends!

Indeed, much time has passed since our last post--a blue skies forever record 43 days! To those loyal readers who have remained loyal despite our prolonged dereliction, we offer our heartfelt thanks.

Indeed, we might still be derelict had it not been for the angry complaints of one of our most devout readers, the famous Das Booty vocalist Nick.

While we would like to thank him with a tribute, we feel our skills, a little dull from disuse, are not up to the task. Words having failed ourself, or perhaps ourself having failed words, we turn to their thousandfold friend and sometime competitor, the picture.

Circa 1996: G.I. Nick battles Cobra in an unidentified hotel room. Knowing is half the battle, kids!

And for our Seattle readers (the few who remain):

Mooncalf (a.k.a. Hot Atmosphere, a.k.a. Shiri, a.k.a. Tall Buildings...)
Thursday, July 7th
The Tractor Tavern
10:30 PM
$5.00-$8.00

Ron Dejais, Superfan

2005-05-24T01:25:00.000-04:00

Only four teams remain in the NBA playoffs, and, alas, Ron Dejais' SuperSonics are not one of them. Battling valiantly through injuries and perhaps some poor officiating, the Sonics nevertheless succumbed to the heavily favored San Antonio Spurs in the series' sixth game last Thursday. Don't blame Ron, though. As you will see in the following photo essay, he would stop at nothing--not even destroying his own couch with a meat cleaver and a hammer--to will his team to victory.

Manu is to Ron as Hannibal is to Miggs

Game 3: Doubting his "Ronics"? So early in the series? No, just an ice cream headache.

Ron declares his fidelity: "I am handcuffed by my love for the Sonics." He admits to sleeping in his "vintage" Horace Grant jersey...and nothing else. "It feels so smooth against my skin."

"@#^& you, Joey Crawford!" Ron lets a referee, and the couch, know how he feels about a call.

Game 6: "If I'm going down, I'm taking the couch with me..."

...

...

In his post-postseason despair, a besotted Navy Bean eulogized the fallen:

Navy Bean

REFLECTIONS ON A SEASON LOST

The hatchet glinted as I approached
Ron's and White's red door.

Tonight the couch
would meet its match
stick struck
meat cleaver cleft
hammer claw clobbered
gasoline doused.

At least we would have this to show
For a Sonics season ended
too soon.

Ron Dejais, On the Prowl

2005-05-19T16:53:00.000-04:00

From the "where are they now?" category: many of you may have been wondering whatever happened to Ron Dejais, the impudent, semi-literate, adolescent 26-year-old who challenged the esteemed Science Man to a "poem-off" in February. Well, wonder no longer, Readers! This is the first of two installments on Ron's struggles since his failed challenge of Science Man.

We caught up to Ron in Telluride, CO, as he was returning from a road trip to Vegas, where he shot a video for Seattle-based rapper Lil' Kriz's song "Vegas", and also joined a bachelor party for his friend, The Ace. (Rumor has it that, after spending $4,000+ at the Hard Rock Cafe, Ron and several other revelers tacked on another 'g' or two with their in-room entertainment).

Ron's stash of cash and other goods had dwindled to trace levels, and his credit cards were nearly maxed out. He was cruising the resort town's bars, hoping to get picked up by "some old rich woman, so I'll have a place to sleep. I've been sleeping in my car and I'm starting to get a little tired, not to mention ripe."

Ron, upon entering Telluride

Weren't you on "Designing Women"? Care for a nightcap?

Unfortunately, Ron was not successful ("I asked a group of women where the hot nightlife was, and they told me to keep walking down the street and I'd find it. They wouldn't make eye contact with me; it was strange. I followed their directions until I saw a sign that said 'Thanks for visiting Telluride!'"), and dossed once more in his rental. To make matters worse, his beloved Seattle SuperSonics fell behind the San Antonio Spurs, one game to zero, in their best of seven, conference semifinal series. Adding injury to insult, the Sonics lost sixth man extraordinare Vladimir Radmanovic for the series to a badly sprained right ankle.

Nevertheless, Ron remained defiant. "I may smell," he explained. "I may be broke. I may not be able to get laid by old, rich women in Telluride. But there is no way," here, his voice dropped into a throaty, crazed whisper, "no way that the Sonics will lose this series."

Stay tuned for the next installment, when we visit Ron in his natural habitat of Seattle's Georgetown, where his spirits rise and fall with the fortunes of his Sonics.

Jeffrey Dispatch: VOLCANA PAPAYA, GUATEMALA

2005-05-16T01:07:00.000-04:00

It appears that a dispatch from Central America Bureau Correspondent Jeffrey was previously lost in the ether.

26 April 2005
VOLCÁN PACAYA, Guatemala

A snippet from the Central America Lonely Planet:

"Volcán Pacaya (2552m) attracts the most tourists and the most
bandits. The situation is improving, however, since each group is now
accompanied by a security guard (little comfort when he turns out to
be prepubescent)."

Or, as in my case, when the security guard turns out to be a dog.
Yesterday I ventured to the top of Volcán Pacaya. We started out with
2 armed guards but they only took us to the trail head. The rest of
the way we were accompanied by a dog who knew the volcano better than
any other dog out there. Give this bitch a treat and she might carry
your day pack for you.

I am happy to say that with her expert guidance I made it to the top
without being raped or robbed. I was able to enjoy the spewing lava
with peace of mind. Thanks, little dog.

Welcome Back, Pinto!

2005-05-13T04:53:00.000-04:00

Shorly after sending his first and only South America dispatch, our good friend Pinto informed us that he was back on American soil:

You were asking me before if it was weird to be back
in the U.S. And now, here in Miami, I'd say yeah.
What makes it weirder still is that South Beach is so
familiar. Not because I've ever been there, but
because I've played Vice City. It's identical!
It's tripping me out. I'm Tommy Vercetti.

Once more, Pinto, we salute you. It's good to have you home.

Pinto Dispatch: LIMA, PERU

2005-05-13T04:34:00.000-04:00

10 May 2006

LIMA, Peru

Lima is forever covered in a haze. At night, you may
mistake it for a mist. In the morning, you may think
it's a coastal fog. But the vista from the Hippodromo
de Monterrico on a cloudless afternoon breaks down all
illusions: It's smog, and it's not going anywhere.

Against this lovely backdrop, with the horses in the
foreground parading before the sixth race, I met
George. He asked me what my "gusto" was, and I told
him the ocho on looks alone. Then he told me very
confidentially, rising on his toes, and even saying it
in English so I'd be sure to understand, "Two." "What
kind of hot tip is this?" I thought. Two was the
favorite. And, by George, he, and everyone else, was
right. The two horse won. After the race, he bumped
into me to gloat. "Mucho dinero?" I asked him. But
he didn't acknowledge this.

Before I left him to go look at the horses in the
seventh race, he impressed upon me that it was going
to be the nine this time. I didn't even need to look.
It was going to be the nine. Nine, nine, nine. I
went to the parade ring anyway, but George stuck with
me. The nine didn't look so great to me though. He
was grey and weak. I didn't know how to break it to
George. So I sneaked off to the betting window
without a word. I gave the teller my preference, the
seis. "No," I heard the voice right beside me, "Nine!
Nine!" George again. Finally I asked him, if he was
so big on the nine, where was his hot ticket? "No
tengo," he responded with a shrug. Gambling by proxy
is not a bad gig if you can find the right sucker.
And the nine ran sixth.

A Blast (of Greatness) from the Past

2005-05-05T01:42:00.000-04:00

Greetings, Friends!

Because we have many new readers who have yet to peruse the January archives; because we are nothing if not lazy; because our laziness has led us to a desperate situation, wherein we are attempting to learn the law of our constitution in one week's time; because now is the season of law school exams (upon which law school grades are based), we republish, for your enjoyment, what many consider to be the greatest law-related joke of all time.

(Note to those not familiar with law school: An LLM is an advanced law degree; the term may also be used to apply to one who is working toward that degree. In many cases, LLM students are visiting from other countries.)

What happened to the LLM who got a couple of A's?

She turned into a LLAMA!!!

It's Spring, and Love Is in the Air

2005-05-01T18:03:00.000-04:00

Well, Readers, things have been a little crazy here at blue skies forever! First, Science Man declared his love for Shiri. Then, within two hours of introducing Jeffrey, I had six voicemails on my cell phone. Six! What's even funnier is that they were all from the same person. That person? None other than the dreamy Shiri. Her message? She wanted me to "make it happen" between her and Jeffrey. My response?

"Come aboard--we're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow--it floats back to you!"

That goes for you, too, readers. Come aboard!