Socloseyetsofaraway

The Capt. and I look Swell

2009-05-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

It had been a long while since I had pictures taken of me in which I was not hiding because it was a photo and I was not ready for it. More like in the last several years its hard to find a picture of me NOT picking my nose. I think I do that because I look terrible AND maybe the camera won't go off with me in the the frame. My Sister in Law BRIDGET takes amazing pictures, even just the few candids she took of my little Monkey are so beautiful. Bridget was also the fabulous one and only who took the beautiful photos of an impossible 20month old in her Halloween costume...Bridget was the only person I knew who would take family photos the way I wanted them. I called her up told her what we were wearing and she found a place to go right away that would complete the look. These were the first pictures that have been taken of my and The Capt. since our engagement photos. Since it was only a few short years since we were married...it still feels like a lifetime ago. We have since then added one more to our Duo who looks more like her daddy then her mommy. 2 weeks after these photos were taken, we(I) got the shocking(for the Capt. it was Exciting) news that we were great with a little Duckie. Next years family portraits will be the Fab 4 of us!

Deny Deny Deny

2009-05-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

I had a friend tell me that someday she wants to have the glamorous life of a Stay At Home Wife. Awesome! My life is Fabulous, there is nothing better then sitting around watching stories, couch inspecting , and eating my dainty delectable chocolates. How I want to go back to those days... Its been pretty crazy and interesting the last several months. I had guests, babysitting, road shows, choir singing(not for me but for the Youth in the area) and yadda yadda yadda. In the middle of all of this, I stopped to find out why I was so crabby and not my usual relaxed self. Then... there it was. The brightest double pink lines that report the last thing on my mind.... Positive. Preggers. So just be prepared for more crafty-ass, and other insane antics.

Happy Hippy Homemaker Strikes again!

2009-02-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know what came over me.The lack of plot to my stories, and me flipping through the channels and landing on the Project Runway reruns. I got my idea for the best gift for my daughters birfday.

One year for Christmas my dear dear Capt. bought me a skirt. Not just ANY SKIRT...but a 1950 throw back Pink circle skirt n petticoat. I LOVE IT and wear it on a regular basis. My youngin need something just as special forced upon her, so I decided the thing to do was make her a Pink circle skirt as well. Seeing how I never sew, and rarely try(much like cooking) I figured...what the hell? I purchased the needed thread, material, and pattern. The pattern I used was one that I could find in the Halloween Costume section of the patten books. This pattern also required the complexity of a zipper. Since a 2 year old is hard enough to get dressed...a zipper was not something I was willing to mess around with so I modified the pattern- a little. This is how it was done!

2 Yards of material, folded in half and the necessary parts of the pattern...I used a combination of both skirts (a shorter and a longer) because size 2T was not available. Cutting 2 of the patters I pinned them together to measure to my daughter. I then cut the pattern section for the waist band. This was going to be where I was going to loop elastic through. I sewed up both sides of the skirt and secured the waist band to the top...looped the elastic through and VOI LA !!! Circle skirt! Seriously it took me all of two hours from begining to end! I am in the process of creating a petticoat of some sort. When I am finished ya'll will hear about it.

In the mean time take a look in awe ladies n ladies! This is what circle skirts in the family looks like!!

In Memory of...

2009-01-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

I would like to dedicate this entry to the memory of something that I have tended to faithfully for days. Through the good times and the bad times, through the thick and thin...I thought "This year will be the year." After days of denial, I have come to the conclusion that I killed another one. Our Christmas Bush, gave us a little more then three weeks of love, and we were happy to have him in our home. After convincing myself that this year would be different, and there were several new sprouts atop of this sweet smelling bush, It was drying up. There was not saving it now. I broke the news to Joseph that I killed another one, but I came closer to keeping it alive a helluva lot longer then the previous years. There was sun, and water, but no room for growth. There is always next year.

Since it was the New Years It was time for those pesky New Years Resolutions...which made me think of why I was going to really need to to that any way. Of course it's the usual stuff, loose my ass, fit into skinny jeans and learn to cook. But Seeing how my diet always starts Monday because my love and desire for those tasty little Chocolates, and couch lounging. My Stories have gotten stale the last little bit so I did decide to do something a little different. I have turned yet again to John Hughs to show me the ways of Suburban life. I thought that since I live in a Suburban-esqu area I might benefit. Sure Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink was full of High School lessons with the class of the kids and how they come into their own. Lessons we all learned then, but what about us now? I have noticed that his other fine features have gone unnoticed, and several missed his other lessons from things like Plains, Trains, and Automobiles...or the Vacations with the Grizwalds. ( I refuse to bring up Home Alone, and Cury Sue). So here are a few things that I have resoluted with a help from John Hughs

1) When turning 16, don't have hurt feelings that your family forgot. I mean really what would you rather have Dreamy Jake Ryan bake you a Cake and kiss you over it...or have your family say happy birthday. Besides, when people(parents) forget your birthday the Belated gifts are much bigger there for sweeter.

2) I will not be quick to judge others...It doesn't matter if they are a Princess, the Athlete, the Brain, the Basket Case, or the Criminal...er or the Mommy who likes to lounge about watching her stories. Oh and there is nothing wrong with the song "(Don't You) Forget About Me". It doesn't matter who sings it.

3) Taking a day off once in a while and making the best of it is ALWAYS a good idea. It doesn't mater if Mr. Rooney is after you. He'll get his in the end anyway.

4) When taking a Vacation across country in a station wagon...I should just get there ASAP, and not stop to see every site along the way. In the end there will be no dead aunts, no crazy relatives, no mis-adventures...you know don't go across country in station wagon, take a plane. You know what? Don't take that kind of a Vacation...you know, the kind with a family. Just take your own vacation, maybe one with out the Capt. and the Monkey kiddo...

4) Oingo Boingo sings really good songs, like Weird Science. So good in fact, that I am going to turn them on, and listen to them right now.

This is what happens when you have a John Hugh's Marathon, and a stay at home mommy. You get a New Years post about the 80's and dieting. Happy New Years

Music is my Imaginary Friend.

2008-12-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

I made a comment the other day in Male company about how a meeting for something or other wouldn't work for me during the day, because it interfered with my "stories". While inspecting my couch last week I got involved with a "story" that came on at the end of a soccer game. I am not sure as to what is really going on, because it's all in Spanish. All I know this overly made up lady is pissed about something, and the dude just sits and takes it...wiener. ANYWAY, because I am impatient, I flip from show to show during the commercials. I think that it's gotten bad recently since I saw this TERRIBLE commercial involving jeans and one of the best songs in the world. Exhibit A

This is a Youtube Video of the lamest commercial of two drunkards and in the back ground is Isobel Campell's sweet voice from the album Ballad of Broken Seas. It made me mad that they tainted such a sweet song with the white trashness . I thought to myself, how interesting that they used the EXACT song that was listening to in the car not more then two hours ago. Soon afterwards... I heard this little ditty.

Exhibit B

Nothing to me is more comedy gold then Monkeys and Cavemen so I giggled upon seeing this commercial, but to my surprise...I started singing along. Wha Wha Wha??? How did I know this song? Well this was from the much anticipated sophomore album of The Sounds. In my mommy-less days I bought this album as a birthday gift to myself...because that was the day it came out. I was much less disappointed with the commercial, but at this point what was ANOTHER happy coincidence started to make me wonder. I became a bit more freaked out with the following spin...

Exhibit C

This band, 1990's was a lucky find. I enjoyed this song so much that I put it on my Ipod. My first born loved it so much that she stole my Ipod and listened to it over and over again. This song inspired this post. How who ever is in charge of finding music for these Adverts MUST be raiding my sweet collection of random songs of little know artist and my sacred collection of CD's. At first it was kind of interesting but now it's turning personal. SOMEBODY is using MY music to sell some poor schmo cheep shoes and car insurance!

Exhibit D

Not that you would know what this was but THIS is a Jaguar commercial with the song from a band called the Dimond Knights. I think I am making my point. I think that there is some music that screams "Oh I am ready to sell cheap crap to some sucker." That song is Smash Mouth's "All Star".

I plead with the people who are rapping my CD collection for these crappy advertisements...Please leave my music alone. I love each song almost as much as I love my swear words or middle finger. For those of you who are interested in these songs listed here, or other songs that are used to sell you things see my play list.

I Was Wrong To Doubt, That I Could Get Along Without.

2008-11-20T14:32:00.000-08:00

So there I was, stretched across my couch...Watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, and What Not To Wear. I was torn between my love of Tim Gunn's sensitivity twards the fashionably challeged, and Nick Arrojo the Perma hair guru that I love.( those of you who watch one or both get what I am saying) my phone rang interrupting my lounging about. I had to put down my remote, my sparkling apple cider, my chocolates, and brushed the crumbs from my chest.
"A yello??" I drawled
"Why a big Yello to You" That was Macheli...A fabulous friend of mine. We have known each other for years, and use to practice writing our first name attached to names of Manly's we wished to be married to. She constantly wrote "Mrs. Macheli Law-Mrs. R. Jude Law" While I was busy deciding on "Mrs. N John Cusack" or "Mrs. Nat. Jones-Cusack". ANYWAY she was giving me a surprise call this Friday with a purpose...
"So I have two free tickets given to me to go to this concert tomorrow and the ONLY person I can think about going with" HOW FLATTERING!!! I didn't even bother to ask what concert because I had been home all week with no place to get purtied up for.
"Well hold on...it's the New Kids On The Block reunion concert." and for a brief moment, everything came to a stop. The Same NKOTB that were my Nemesis...the ones who sang terrible songs about dating a 13 year old girls. I , on the other hand, listened to bands who were more concerned about a party in a 'Love Shack' and the love of the girl who makes someone think that this crap hole we live in feels 'Just Like Heaven'. It haunted me for years that when we talk of the fabulous things of our youth, NKOTB always came up. The others fondness of sleeping NKOTB's bed sheets helped them drift off to a dream land where the group of 5 sang "the Right Stuff"...and "Cover Girl". GERRRRRR!!!! When the 5 went away I let out a WHEW and happily picked up pieces...or I gave the girls who had loved them mix tapes filled with the Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana.

When I begin to breath again I muttered "Hells yes I want to go!"

We were on the floor in the middle of the arena. I disco'ed to the fantastic Lady Ga Ga(whose album I have owned for months thanks to the Capt. and his computer nerdness.) and when I was adequately warmed up, I was thrown back to 1989! With their "Oh Oh Oh-The Right Stuff" Apparently,as I was told, nothing had changed from 1990...My friend said her 10 year self was really impressed that them being "40 something" could still do their moves, AND move with out showing really how out of shape they were. In the middle of the show, Us being on an isle, were shoved back into our seats so they could set up a fence. A FENCE. Seeing how I know the venue like the back of my hand(I worked for the company for a few years when I started my blog) I know that they don't put up a fence around the crowd unless...I yelled for Macheli to get her camera out and get ready. Half way through the show, there they were. 4-5 feet from us dancing the the show away. I took stock of my surroundings when this photo was taken. Looking around, I saw women standing on chairs reaching with all their might. I heard screaming, crying and laughing. The laughing mostly me. I have never seen so many women throwing themselves at 5 men in my life. It was best said in a text message sent to their stage most of them "ain't Jail Bait Now." I suddenly found myself caught up in the moment as these 5 men raced by us towards the stage. I stuckout my hand to shake bad boy Donnie's and yelled "I Loved you in Sixth Sense" It was the only real thing I remember of him since I was never really a fan. Macheli being a bigger fan...touched all 5 men. It was AMAZING! Just for the extra Razzle Dazzle to my story take a look at who was sitting behind us at the show(he was sitting near the mixing board ) Now I know that its a bit fuzzy but there was so much going on...YES!!! The American Idol himself, DAVID ARCHULETTA. They looked like they were having a good time. It made me wonder though...was he even born in 1989 to know anything about these dudes?? I am thinking no, and I am OLD. I am thinking this...If I can learn to enjoy NKOTB in a few short hours and have the time of my life, then maybe the fondness of the 80's that is wrapped up in Jen and the Holograms, G.I Joe and New Kids on The Block isn't bad after all.

Gonna take your momma out all night...Further Adventures of Homemakers

2008-11-08T19:08:00.000-08:00

It's getting more interesting around here since I am looking for entertainment in my routine. I have started Yoga every morning for 25 straight minutes. I found it sad when I run, my ass moves in the opposite direction of my legs. I thought it was time to do something about it. That shook things up so I thought I would try something else...Cooking. As my previous post, I tried to recreate the dish I am missing from a Greek place that closed its doors. So between the laundry, the cleaning and all that I do to keep busy , I decided to get Crafty-Ass and pull out all the stops for Halloween. I did it Cheap-o AND with my own Creativity! It was easy and fun fun fun. I just had to manage my time to do it around when The Monkey and the Capt. wasn't around, which was mainly after bedtimes and traveling out of town.

I first brainstormed. Since there was always time for the princess and the fairies...I wanted to do something else. I was watching some bollywood with a friend and thought it would be awesome if we could do something like that for Elise. My friend was moving and had YARDS of different fabric and told me to sort through it and take what I wanted. I found this beautiful Blue with a gold Pattern weaved through it....and some Blue VERY thin material, the kind that makes you say OOoooh shiney! There was an extra trip to Hancock's Fabric for a sequence edging. I came home and took inventory on what Elise had(Turtle necks, stretch pants, tights) so that it would add to her costume. I was ready!

Here I was sitting around...at my sewing machine thinking "where do I start". Most of the time people have a pattern to go off of with directions, and well...I didn't. So that is why I sat for a bit. My little Monkey is tall and skinny...and fast. So rather then take a measuring tape to her...I decided measuring the length of the skirt was going to be measured to the length of her cute little stretch pants that one of her grand parents gave to her. I cut the light blue fabric Length wise in half. With the help of Google, I found out how to wrap a Sari and wrapped the material around the pants as IF i was wrapping a sari around my daughter. I then sewed the material wrapped around the pants, so that I would come untucked whilest she was Tricks or Treating. I hemmed the bottom of the material to make it look a little cleaner. The rest of the wrapping is left for when she wears it. Just one or two safety pins are needed for the shoulder. TADA!!! your Sari...

I then took the shiny material and folded, and sewed the raw edges. That shiny material sucked eggs to work with, because it came unraveled if you looked at it wrong...or cut it, or sewed it wrong. The Sequenced around the edge was glued with Fabric jewel glue(another Crafty Ass project for a later review) and then SEWED on. This makes the Bollywood veil. I marked where I wanted the veil to sit...then had sewed a hair comb so that it wouldn't slip off her head. See? The necklace was giving to me with a set of earing...that were broken. I looped and earing through the sequence to give it that extra razzel dazzel. I chose to glue a little something something (sequence over the eyes).

When I look at these I think....not bad for a couch dwelling, Bon Bon eating, story watching Happy Hippy Homemaker.

Johnny Quest...Part 1

2008-09-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

Like everyone else in the world I am feeling it. I have been feeling broke-ass since I quite my job and we blew through what we had saved moving into this joint.(Again, this was an ugly situation and I really don't feel like talking about) I have taken up, Cooking. *Gasps from the audience* I know what you are all thinking. The Capt. will break down peppers, and a few other veggies to keep in the freezer for quick meals. He calls it IQF'in them(Individual Quick Frozen). I call it making my job a hell of a lot easier. It is so easy to pull out cook up and eat. I don't have to do anything really. The Ultimate in lazy, until recently.
Since Marrying the Capt. we have rewarded ourselves every now and again with a dinner in a place that the population wouldn't go. I LOVE this great place called the Bombay House. MMMMmmm they have Jasmine Rice, curry, nann(garlic Indian bread), Lamb, Chicken, and Mango Lassi(a Mango yogurt drink). Look 'em up! you will see how tasty they are just by looking at their website! I took the Capt. to this old greek place and order Lemon Rice soup, Dolmadaes, Souvlaki, oh so tasty. This little greek place was sold and demolished. With the tasty local places I occasionally do crave these dishes .
So you might say Nat "aren't you a house wife?" why yes, yes I am. You might say, "Nat, don't you have Bon bons to be eating right about now?" Come on, the Bon Bons only lasted so long and I am in between seasons of Project Runway, Shear Genius, and Tabatha's Salon Takeover. Here it was only 2 days into The Capt. trip out of town and I am bored, Hungry, and not about to wait for somebody else to do something about it. Besides, to state again, I am broke ass and delivery is out of the question. I don't know what came over me...it had to be my lack of food and my tired of being helpless... I stood up and took charge! I was craving the special food I sampled from my sweet secret places and decided that I should try dishes, since I would actually like them and eat them. Here is my first dish! Tried n true, straight from my kitchen to this blog post. Try it, and lemme know what ya all think!

Lemon Rice Soup

1 Cup of Rice
4 Cups of Liquid(Chicken Stalk, Veggie Stalk...I use 2-3 Cups of stalk and the rest with water)
2 Eggs
2 Lemons
Pepper to taste
Salt to taste

Boil the liquid with rice for 20 minutes. Juice Lemons, and beat eggs into it. When the rice is fluffy and ready to go add the Lemon and eggs mixture slowly, let it cook for about 10 more minutes, the soup will be thickening up.

Ahhh yeah...just like Jimmy the greek. The Capt. always is posting some foodie thing, but think if it and the advanced performance, and my as the Lazy beginners. Try it and let me know how ya all liked it, or don't.

The Goon Squad is Coming for You...Fashion

2008-09-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

I think the entire Fashion industry is full of men who think women are retarded. I know that the fashion industry is actually many foot soldiers in the Ultimate gay man army, woman who are artistic, and LOTS of girls who are walking a few steps before passing out from lack of food, or smoking their calories. I say this because I found myself looking for a simple skirt, A nice handbag, and MAYBE another pair of shoes that I could get for a lucky bastard deal. Lemme show you what I found. These are strictly handbags...there would have been huge issues if they were shoes.

Let's take this great little bag. It's a canvas bag made by Kidrobot. It looks like those really rad canvas bags that were all the rage when I was in Jr.High. It even comes with a little robot that is attached to the bag. AWESOME, I could buy it and send my kid to school with it. Anyone care to guess how much this great little bag costs??? $98-$128. Wow how much do they think that I am willing to spend to send my kid off in style. The answer...Not much.

Moving on...

Let's see this lovely bag to add to anyones smart dress. Nothing screams what kind of a person you are when you are wearing THIS! This piece of fashion is a design of Stella McCartney. Wearing something you shot is fashion ladies...and its not just the fur anymore! It makes me want to hang mini antlers from my rear view mirror in my car, right next to my dream catcher. Let me tell you what this delight full rag costs...$98. Now who looks like a Deer in Headlights??

I get it, we love Gwen Stefani. Why wouldn't we? She has had 2 kids, and gots the body of Paris after them. People want her hair, abs, ass and they want her clothes. So in the foot steps of Ol' Jenny from the Block(J Lo) she creates L.A.M.B( also the title of her first solo album). This is fashion must but really I don't get it. It's a bunch of color with a latch. This is a clutch bag, HALF a purse really. So why on earth would anybody pay $425? Because LAMB is a 4 letter word in fashion.

I am a house wife who spends her time shopping for her jeans and clothes and low brow places like Khol's, Old Navy...and so on. I do know names and what bags belong to who. This pink mess was made for the 50 year olds who think they are 30 and they spent the money on this bag like they were 20. This sweet Marc Jacobs bag is a pricey $1350, awesome. Good thing you think you can take the money from that money tree in the back yard, ya know the one that you had when you were 20?

Now ya know what all the rage is, it kind of makes the Sex in the City girls bitching about their shoes and their handbags look...retarded. I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but for that price...It better be a hell of a looker for me to be spending that kind of cash.

The Wedding of the X-wife

2008-08-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

Before you double check my gender...let me tell you that I am female, married and on a never ending quest to find the true meaning of being a happy hippy homemaker. Before I was married, I had a hetro-life partner for years. We were called many things in our time together, the Porno girls, NM, the Odd Couple...but in my heart I knew that she was my little friend who was my house wife. She would bake, clean, and go out with me weekly to the movies.

It was fun to have her around a while. She was the one person in the world who would tell me that "those pants don't look good with that shirt...But try this sweater with it". She would cut and color my hair. We would bring dates over to house and know that the other would have to make a quick escape. On Sunday nights...she would make her dinner, and bake. There were many dares that were made with the promise of a "whole dollar" after it was completed. We both dated terrible men, and laughed and joked about it often.

The X-wife came to see me get married and see me off to another phase in my life. It was a sad day to know that Divorce was final and there was not going to be another Reunion. In April The X and her new beau showed up at my home sweet crap shack and announced that they were going to get married. I was so happy for her we made a trip to a bridal gown shop and purchased the wedding dress.

Finally last weekend the X-wife and I reunited for the last time and had a sleep over in a hotel room, eating doughnuts at midnight, drinking diet cokes, Curling her hair, getting our fashionable best out for the next morning, and watching the tube and making fun of everything on it. That was it, we were never going to be the porno girls again with out dragging around our significant others or kiddies. I was ready for it.

After dancing to "It's Raining Men," and "Just Like Heaven" I passed the X-wife on. I had been fed, and danced all night, and then X-wife and I said good bye. I turned to her significant other and asked "Hey I know that she is my X-wife but it WAS a amicable divorce, and I was just making sure we can still be friends...It could be like Bruce and Demi, ya know?" We'll hear from her when she gets back from the Honeymoon.

Hey, at least it makes me more interesting.

2008-08-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not a reality show girl. This was mainly due to the fact that most reality shows did not interest me because I was neither talented, interesting, or lead a life that would allow me to want to wonder if I could"do that". I can't dance, Sing, or have the desire to go to an island and live off the land(mostly because it would require that I have strength and I have been proud NOT to have since Jr.High). I am now joining the ranks of other stay at home mommies. You might as well hand me a bucket of bon-bons on Wed. nights and join me for the final four on SHEAR GENIUS. It's Nichole, Charlie, Daniel, and Dee.
Lets discuss why this season has left me threatening to boycott, jump up and yell, and bitch for hours. Lets talk Hair shall we??
First off Jaclyn Smith is the judge, and really what authority does she have? She likes to comb her own hair. I'm sure she colors her hair(or a LICENSED stylist does it i.e Jos' Eber). But if that is the case then my entire clientel has the right to be the judge based on that criteria. Get somebody who know what they are doing to judge. Geez at least in Project Runway Hiedi Klum knows fashion because she was a FASHION MODEL. One more thing..the first two episodes were scary as hell to watch, and not just because the Hairstylists were required to cut hair blindfolded. Her bad botox left her looking like the joker. Will the real slim joker please stand up.
Second let talk about the stylist. These kids are GOOD. They have been in the industry for a few years in order to be where they are. Most of them are educators, salon owners, and Stylist of the Year winners, and platform artists. These people have spent Thousands on their education to train as apprentice's or to be licensed stylists. While in school they have to study chemistry, biology, anatomy and art. The stylists THEN continue to spend thousands to take advanced academies education to further their ability and teach in hair schools to get their educators license so they can be educators and going to trade shows to keep fresh on style that changes quarterly. Give them a color line that they can work with because the Crap they have now is no better then Lady Miss Clairol, and that is really not color I would use on the dogs they shaved. They are hair stylists, not mind readers. They are hair stylists not Dog shavers. They are hairstylists...they can be bitches. I am outraged that they have made them do hair with products from the fridge, cut hair with blind folds, and shave dogs, or play musical chairs with clients. All 4 of the remaining stylists deserve to be there. Saying that I have to say this...ARE YOU KIDDING me?? How could NOT one of you KNOW how to lighten previous lightened hair with a color remover or not know how to do the Punk colors?? Half of my clientel is the punk colors. Your hair stylists, you should know this by now.
Let talk about my Third point, which is THIS IS A COMPETITION. There will be harassment, dirty fighting, talking about each other in fronts and behind backs. When a person looses or is in the bottom in EVERY COMPETITION like Nekisa(the photo to your left) you would think "gosh hasn't she gone home yet?" but no, they kept her one until I couldn't stand it because every hair cut was just that bad. EVEN PEOPLE who don't do hair said "wow is she still on?" Get ride of the weak so the strong can have an equal competition trust me it makes for better TV. (Tabitha and Tyson...anybody remember that?) Just for the record, Glen was the only one as far as I am concerned that knows how to work with the color line.

Shear Genius will continue next Weds. This little video will give you an insight as to what I have been watching the last few weeks. I am stocking up on Ice cream n Diet Coke for the occasion. Next week...Adventures in motherhood and the things I will do to be the best mommy ever.

I'll wear them in the bathtub and I'll write them a love song

2008-08-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

It was one of those days that started out laundry from the night before, dishes from the last couple days and day time TV keeping me company while I swept and mopped. Elise napped for a long time, that made my heart happy. I had a friend that called in lazy to work, and after a brief conversation on what we would do...the Gateway is a point of wander. After getting there, or first stop was the Hot Topic. After trying to ask questions about what I was looking for over whatever bad DeJour was playing(you know the band that gives the biggest middle finger to the Parents and the man but costs an arm and a leg to purchase), we got out of there in a hurry. We decided on an ice cream, this woman came up to me expressing her awe about my daughter how beautiful she was and how she was a talent scout for this model agency. I thanked her, and thanked her actually what I said was"thank you, oooohhh thank you! My daughter is disgusting looking today...but thank you." actually what it was that from the the lack of my commitment to her hair(the combing there of) and the mess with the ice cream. AWESOME. We then wandered into one of the sweetest fashion boutiques in Utah( or what WAS the sweetest fashion boutique. Jared Gold the designer who made it in UTAH dumped our asses and moved on up to the west side. Hollywood kids, thats where you can find him). Like a light from above I noticed the sale sign on the shoes. Angels sang sweetly... and I took it as a sign to take a closer look at them with my toes. I picked up a pair of Grey suede and turned to our sweet little gay retailer and loudly demanded "I NEED these in Drag Queen size STAT".

Okay, lemme explain this. I have Drag Queen size feet. I was wearing a size 9 shoe by the time I was in Jr. High, and have slowly eased into a size 10. Positive having a size 10? In places where they have killer sales on shoes, I will usually find a pair of the most expensive shoes that are the prettiest things in my size for 5 dollars. The Negative? There is an over abundance of shoes in my size in a gold lemme', something that the sequence monster puked on, or something designed from my grandpas Orange and Gold socks. These shoes are CLEARLY geared to the men of The DRAG QUEEN nature, and they are buying 'em. I have been shoe gazing with another friend of mine who TOO has drag queen feet and she totally agrees with me about the style of the show with the size. She then in turns, tells a friend of hers who use to be a drag queen, and he said that his foot is slightly bigger then ours but could manage to squeeze his dainty feet into our shoes and POSSIBLY be comfortable.

With that LONG explanation...the little boy at the boutique ran in the back room to find my shoes, and came back with a pair that he said he had been hold for a special pair like us. The BC shoes were mint green, and so pretty. I threatened to purchase a pair of stir-up leggings. When he told me how much I started pulling out the cash I had in my back pocket to purchase, he then got the shoes I was looking for. I slipped on the shoes and without a second thought I yelled "SOLD". With all that, I purchased and we were well on our way. With what I spent...there was NO buyers remorse, but eagerness to pull them out of their beds and let the 1 year old admire her mommy's fashion sense. Thank you Seychelles shoes form making my feet look hot why I am doing the simple things in the home, like Vaccuming and the dishes. There has been more then once that Elise has dropped to her knees to touch touch touch their beauty. I never thought I would love anything more then my plaid Doc. Martins, but I was mistaken.
Just because you are mom doesn't mean you can't put on your fashion best. Trust me your dishes will be sparkelier, your whites will be whiter, and your house will clean it's self.

But I'd love to mix in circles, cliques, and social coteries - that's me

2008-07-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

Interesting that what a little complementing Blue hair will get you...I got a phone call to cut hair the other day for someone new who is willing to take a chance on a small unknown hair dresser. Complementing somebodies sophisticated Blue hair can get a gal places, just keep that in mind. I cut a short spike cut, spliced in bleach foils...they were heavy in the front, to a great caramel colour . I then brushes in Pravana's Magenta. YEAH FOR ME! It was heavy bright pink that I don't think is going anywhere.

I have been watching faithfully this season's Shear Genius. Interesting that I haven't said much about it, but I have spent some of the season a bit pissed at some of the challenges. Now I know what clothing designers are feeling about some of the shinanigans that Project Runway throws out. This season has consisted in cutting while blind folded, musical chairs with clients...and don't tell that not one of em have ever run into a punk kid that needed those crazy ass colors. They sent one of the ONLY girls in that entire group that can make that BRAND of hair color look good home. Tragedy??? I think so.

Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookie Blizzard

2008-07-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

This is not a post about The Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookie Blizzard from the DQ. I will ask this though..am I the only one that watches that commercial and have to do a double take? How could they approve that? The Commercial says..."frozen treat made with REAL girl scout Thin Mint Cookies" what I hear is "Frozen treat made with REAL girl scouts, and thin mint cookies." Yummy! Real girl scouts?! That sounds so much more LESS fatty then the ice cream and Thin Mint Cookies. I hope real Girl Scouts are just AS tasty as their cookies...Or are Girl Scout Cookies made with REAL Girl Scouts??? Any way that was my "what were you thinking when you let this go."

Anyway all know that I am a Shear Genius fan... Only 2 episodes into the show and I have picked my horses. Charlie and Nichole...I would love to work next to them and show me how shit is DONE. I have watched both about a bazillion times. Interestingly enough, its on Bravo all the time, so the opportunity is totally there. They are brilliant, and smart, and know how to do show off their talent. Besides that, how can you resist somebody who says, "I am from Hell, but currently reside in Denver, Colorado." BRRRRIILLLIANT Charlie. So I flip it on and listen to it while I putter around the house. Brovo also does things like show a marathon of a show's previous seasons before they head release the new season so, Project Runway all the time . The bad thing about watching these people is now I have decided what little I know about sewing and creating patterns I am going to be a hairdresser/ fashion designer/Interior Designer/Stand up Comedian(THANK YOU very much Kathy Griffen. I have just enough material from one bad x-man child I dated for an hour special...I think) The house is a mess, but that is something that is being worked on and can be helped...so i clean it and throw up a picture here or there, and AHHHH see my Interior Designer comes out in me. At the craft store I saw this pattern book on what to do with Old T-shirts, and been watching Thread Heads on YouTube...see I am the perfect fashion designer, and the basic trim and color in the salon makes me the next Shear Genius. I have no NO NO desire to cook, so I am leaving the Top Chef, Next Food Network Star to the Captian. Look for my Fashion here soon. Oh!!! just a heads up the my hair website is being worked on and will be up shortly, for all those hair questions, and what have you!

Music to make me happy by...

2008-07-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that when we get together we talk shop...our music collection. I got in a debate over what I thought were BRILLIANT songs and albums.
This is MY list of 25...What are your top 5 Fav?

25- White Stripes-Elephant album
24- Divine - You Think Your a Man song
23-Pixies- all albums, but it's easier to start with Wave Of Mutilation album
22-The Sound-The Sounds album
21-Dance Hall Crashers-Honey I'm Homley-album
20-Letters to Cleo- AroraGloryAlice- album
19-Liz Phair- Any Album BUT Some Miracles
18-Handsome Boy Modeling School- BOTH albums
17-Veruca Salt- Shutterbug-Song
16-Tegan and Sara-Walking with the ghost-Song
15-Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegon-Ballad of Broken Seas album
14-Haunted-Poe-album
13-Ima Robot-Ex girlfriends, Black Jettas-song
12-b-52's-Cosmic Thing-album
11-Joan Jett-bad reputation-song
10-Blondie-Atomic-song
9-The Cure- Love Song OR The Walk-song
8- Iggy Pop-The Passenger OR Search and Destroy-Song
7-Siouxsie and the Banshees-Peek a boo OR the Passenger-song
6-Blondie OR New York Dolls -Out on the Streets-Song
5-The Shins- ALL ALBUMS
4-Flaming lips-Bad days-song
3-The Stars-set yourself on Fire- album
2-Jim Carroll band-all the people who died-song
1-Heart- dreamboat Annie- album

I Love You 'Cos I Have To...

2008-06-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

I know in a previous post I told you that I watched the train wreck that was the Two Corey's. My sister emailed me a week after the final episode aired to let me know that the two boys finally broke up after 20 years. At that point I swore them off, and did not invest in the DVD copy of Dream a Little Dream. I still hold on to the VHS, because it is near and dear to my heart. Still on the rebound of my recent split from John, and waiting for the Pineapple Express to come out, I came across the second season of the Two Corey's. The first few episodes have not disappointed. Feldman has his family, his agent, and Nelson(one of the Nelson singers from the 80's band "Nelson" showed up for a poker game. At this point my question of "does Nelson still look like prepubescent girls?" was answered and now they have moved on to "Metro sexual high school boys") Haim has...his assistant? Yeah when in L.A., when all else fails get an assistant. Not to be up staged, you see Feldman get one too.

So here they are facing each other, and the only way to get through this...is through couples therapy.(Again, one of the Nelson's said that is something he is willing to try with the OTHER Nelson.) Instead of saying "I screwed up, I was the one that did this..." they are flinging "You did this, you are the reason" Why do I care??? I was hoping for a second chance with an old heart throb, an like an old boyfriend you realize that there was a reason you broke up with him in the first place. I have realized what they are and I love them for that, great 80's entertainment trying to make a buck like everybody else. They are the same people they have always been and never going to change. Am I going to finish watching The Two Corey's?? Hell's yes I am!!! This train wreck is one you can't turn away from!

If You Are Down With "B" You Are Down WIth Me!

2008-06-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

I am a hair girl. I went to a school and spent several hours doing hair. I love it, so when I see movies like Blow Dry (where the actors had to take a crash course in Hair cutting from Redkin), Or The Big Tease (nothing says hair like a Kilt and a Blow Dryer) I know other people get it. I am not a reality girl. I hate it really, but I was DRAWN to the Bravo network where they have had Competitions like Top Chef, and Project Runway. Last year I watched the newest of the reality competition, Shear Genius. I watched Ms. Smith tell the competitors each week that they were getting the big Cut. I picked my horse after the first episode, and it was Ben. He was my type, Mohawked, or Shaved he took his tattooed booty to the last of the competition and came in second. These are reasons I loved the rock GOD of hair dressers....1) He came from a regular old Hair school. Everything else he learned he did it the way we all do it, going to classes. 2) He was able to work with someone else and when something was his weakness, he allowed the stronger of the two take it away. 3) the guy just plain rocked. There was no drama, no yelling, and he was totally accepting of all of the competitors.

I go to Hair Trade Shows. I love them because I can wander from presentation to presentation taking pages and pages of notes on an new way to cut hair, color hair, or both at the same time! I was SO excited to watch the Platform artists for Big Sexy concepts, Retro Hair, and a few others. What I got was very few tips and more of an effort to buy buy buy their stuff. You know, for me I need to know HOW...what good is your crap hairspray if you are going to show me how to use it with a cut...and isn't that what the clients want, a good cut??? The products emphasis the cuts, color...yadda yadda yadda. ON TOP of that I thought I missed the memo of wearing the universal Hair Helmet that all the women seemed to be sporting. So I wandered ...and found myself in the Joico tent. Although I am not a huge fan of this product line...my heart stopped. The platform artist was funny laid back, and talking with the girls who were watching. He had a lot to say, and was happy to walk them step by step through a cut. He had me at "This is a great cut for the professional by day, and roller derby gerrl by night." I was nervous shaking...
After his time on stage ended, I walked up to him introduced myself. He commented on my shirt De jour(Joan Jett concert T), and after I stumbled over my words(something about Tivo, he's my favorite bla bla bla) He talked to me about a hair product...and then he got his picture with me!! Hair Rocker and my personal SHEAR GENIUS...
P.S The new season starts Weds. You better believe I am going to be watching that!

Dear John aka I'm not just kissing you, I'm kissing you off.

2008-06-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

I started this letter a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time ago and thought it was funny because I have been telling the Capt. that I was going to just break it off, and move on. It wasn't until I say a political ad the other day that I had finally had it and thought that I needed to finish it. I found it, and here we have the finished product, a Dear John letter to John, the actor that I warmly said was my boyfriend that my husband said I could have.

I have been been nothing but loyal. I defended him when others put him and his work down. I still cared for him when he was dating that women, who is only referred to as "That Bitch Neve". I understand that with age he became more bitter, but like a fine wine he bettered with age. As I age...I realize my mistakes and KNOW when it is time to move on. Now, is time for me to move on. With no further ado, here is my letter to Dear John.

Dear John,

While I understand in your youth you felt that you needed to do silly things in order to further your budding career,at that point I did support you. As a matter of fact I thought most of it was juts silly antics of a teenager. You were talented, sweet, and endearing. I know that you thought that Better Off Dead was going to be your demise, but as time has wore on, more people see it understand and grow to love you as I had. I have spent many an emotional hour on you, and supported you over and over again financially.(4 Copies of Say Anything on VHS and 1 copy on DVD, SEVERAL times on TV ) I understood that you were needing express yourself, and saw that you were really going to go somewhere,as you could tell with the Grifters. You suddenly disappeared, and I defended you when they said you were a "hasbeen", I could tell that they saw Money For Nothing. I kept telling you that you could do it, you could do a better movie. Just when I thought you lost it, you came back with Gross Point Blank, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and Being John Malcovich.(You did that Con-Air then too, but I just called that an action packed oops. You were probably looking for a quick buck, and saving it for a "rainy day"). I saw you on the Rosie O'Donnel show one afternoon, talking about this movie you just started filming based on this book. You introduced me to this book that changed my life and I thanked you over and over again when I saw High Fedelity in the movie theaters about 4 times, AT FULL PRICE, WITH POPCORN AND A DRINK. You could do no wrong! The following year I saw what was the biggest PIECE of CRAP I had ever seen , and was SO hurt that you were a part of that. How could you??? Was working with Julia, and Catherine THAT important to you? You almost made me cry. I was so bewildered as how you could repeat those lines, say that stuff and be in this situation. America's Sweethearts came when you were ON TOP of you game. I don't know how you thought you could recover from this. The damage was already done, and I couldn't trust you anymore. I let Serendipity go and waited until I could rent it, I enjoyed Max but purchased it only on VHS used. I was convinced to see Identity in the theatre, but paid a $1.50 and brought in my own candy and drink. I did purchase the movie when it came out, but at a used price. I was excited to hear when you had returned to Utah for Sundance and MAYBE would have thought to come and see you, but being VERY pregnant changed my mind(I think it was the fact that the man tempted me with food of some sort so that "maybe" was short lived...like I thought about it for two seconds and moved on).

I saw you the other night on "The Actors Studio", and have thought about going and seeing your movie Igor. It looks good, it really does, but I think that we should have a clean break. There might be a time that I will return and watch Grace is Gone, and Martian Child, but I am too hurt to think about it. I have already moved on, I have watched endless Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared both who has a very talented actor, writer Seth attached to the credits. I have taken a fancy to him and his silly humor. I'm sorry, I guess at this point it's not you...It's me. I realize that politics makes you passionate, but I don't want to hear it. I wish you could go back to the way you were...Just an actor who had political views that didn't feel the need to talk about them other then his close personal near and dear, someone which I am not. I don't care what you have to say. When you have gone to college in something other then movies, I might listen to you opinion. So I guess this is it. Take care....we will always have Say Anything, and High Fidelity( I was cheating on you in that movie, I was making eyes at Jack, he totally stole the movie)

Maybe a Little love, MAYBE,

Nat

P.S. The Captain says keep up the good work. Anything you do that keeps me all to himslef is better for him.

I want my money AND my life back OR things said after a terrible movie.

2008-05-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

Yes...I moved and no, I don't want to talk about it. It was that bad.

I told the Capt. (formerly known as The Man. If you have heard the HIDDEN TRACK on the Killers latest album "Sawdust" you will know why he is Captain.) that I was so SAD about the movies that were coming out this year. What a bunch of Stinky Turds that people are going to flock to the movies SPEND 8-10 dollars of their low economy earnings on. No amount of warning is going to stop them. If by posting this I detour just one of you from wasting your life and money on it will have been worth it.

Mamma Mia comes out July 18th. Smart move for them if you ask me...nothing beats the air conditioning of a movie theater. You know, if I wanted to sit for two hours listening to Abba and watching a quirky showing of misunderstandings, I would go with my gay men army to any club. I own two copies of Abba Gold, and don't mind and occasional Fernando or Gimme gimme gimme. I do however, mind the thought of Meryl Streep sleeping with 3 men, or any man in general.

Hancock arriving in theaters July 4th. I think I won't see it because it sounds really dirty, and can not be bothered to come up with something to say about it...its just that bad.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants hits August 8th. (my sister loves the books and will be really sad about this) So this one time my friend comes to me and tell me she takes her mom for mothers day to this movie...it was so bad that her MOTHER takes a call 15-20 minutes into the movie leaving my friend to fend for herself. A few months a go I am flipping through the channels, packing my house and I watch for a bit and realized what it was. I called my friend and made fun of her. She paid 14 dollars for 2 tickets, 5 dollars for popcorn and 6 dollars for cokes. $25 dollars (priceless) to see what is forever known as "The Damn Pants" movie. I sat watching this for minutes and thought "who writes this shit"?? I got off easy, I learned my lesson for free. My friend was did not get off so cheap. I know from experience when I say "Beware of The Pants".

Sex and the City opens May 30th. Women all over the country have been counting down the days until Carrie Bradshaw's Prada handbag and her Manolo Blahnik shoes( a word the few knew how to pronounce before she whined about them)shuffle their way into the summer. "Get Carried Away" my ass. I have caught an episode or two of this TV show on TBS. I will tell you that I find NOTHING funny about 4 aging rich bitches talking about who they have "done" AND "how they like it"in EVERY scene. Let's be honest, the only difference between watching this show and the Golden Girls is that the SATC women Don't wear as much Gold Leme', and they LOOK younger... but are they REALLY? Nobody wants to hear Bea Aurther talk about sex, The same goes to YOU Cynthia Nixon. I think this movie should have been released during the Halloween season. It would have been a timeless Horror movie along with Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and the Banger Sisters.

You are my Boogaloo!

2008-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

So I had to stop and think, which is something I do often now. I bought another copy of the best of the Dead Milkmen, again. The Dead Milkmen are a band I began listening to at the sweet age of 10. My friends older brother had a song on a mix tape called “Bitchin’ Camero”. A few years later the radio played “Punk Rock Girl”. I liked it better. Punk Rock Girl had me at “we’ll dress like Mini Pearl”. Here it is many years, songs, and lyrics later I still think I am 23. This is something that I have been struggling with. How in the world could I be turning 30? I still read my Spin Magazine, that the man bought for me before I got married. I am wearing my Joan Jett black T-shirt. You know I am listening to Handsome Boy Modeling school, and the Rilo Kiley on my CD player, with 1990s and Peter,Bjorn, and John on my Ipod. (yes, they are all bands.) When I blink again, there is the scary side of reality, the dishes in the sink, the laundry up to my eyeballs and my one year old.
For a Christmas party, I colored my highlights “magenta”. It looked pretty with my sweater and jeans that I purchased for just the occasion. I had a good time with it. Now that the party is over, and the color has faded…I am having second thoughts about it. When I got to church today I sat down and family with a young girl sat next to us. The Girl saw my one year old and waved at her with a smile. The smile faded and she began to look confused. She pointed to my hair “Your hair has color in it, all over?” I think it was more of a statement, but she was confused. I have never thought twice about my Blue hair, Pink hair, or the sassy Reds. I had to question myself, do
mom’s have Magenta colored hair? It was okay to have colors all over my hair, because I was young, in my 20’s. Last night I only got two hours of sleep. This isn't because I was out at a club watching a band I REALLY wanted to see. My one year old got sick, and she was so sad. She gave me her sideways smile and cuddled up to me so she could sleep easier, because I was mommy and my love makes her feel better. Sometimes I think that its hard for me to understand how I can be me that it took me forever to become, and to be the mommy i need to be. It's getting easier for me to combine the two and its a whole lot easier with my sweetie, my monkey, my favorite shoe, my boogaloo...My little love EV.

I Wear My Sunglasses Inside

2007-08-12T22:18:00.001-07:00

Anybody who knows me knows that at some time in the 80's I loved 2 things, the music, AND one of the Two Corey's. I too was in loved The Lost Boys the first of several movies involving Corey Feldman, and Corey Haim. Which Corey was I in favor of? Corey Haim of course. Feldman was too over the top for me, although now I have no idea how I know that he was the Voice of the puppy hound in Fox and The Hound. What made Corey Haim a better Corey?? There was the Silver Bullet where he played a crippled boy trying to beat a Werewolf. AMAZING, I really thought he was crippled. He had such star quality. He had a quirky sense of humor and a crooked smile that made the girls SWOON. One of my old friends said that Feldman was hard core and I had to remind her that the Micheal Jackson phase was just sick and not "hard core". The Two Corey's have not had a hit in like 20 years, so since I am always hell bent on reliving the memories of my childhood(ie. Jem and the Holograms and She-Ra and leg warmers) I tuned into watch what crazy antics these two were going to get into. First off Corey Haim arrives and takes a limo to Feldman's a scene in which Haim is promptly insulted. The Limo driver can not place what movies he was in. Secondly we see that Haim is a slob, mud on carpet, and Cigarette butts in a half drank glass of something. I think the saddest part of this show is when Haim has to go get his drivers license and Feldman is quizzing him about driving. Feldman asks "what do you do when your care Hydroplanes?" in which Haim answers."pump the break". Okay, this is the saddest part of the story. I'm watching this scene and thinking...wow talk about a License To Drive moment in which that the question that is asked of Haim in that movie, and THAT is the TOTAL WRONG answer that he gives, resulting in him failing his written exam. Feldman quickly replied, "WRONG! That is the question you FAILED on License to Drive so you should KNOW that answer!" Again I called it. The Man witnessed this sad victory. I love anything that is a Corey and Corey production, but seeing how I loved them in 1989 and here it is almost 20 years later...I was hoping for some lasting sweet moments like aging rock stars in their final tour, sadly this is not it. With each episode I begin to be more and more depressed. I fear I wasted my childhood.

Oh say can you SEE...my eyes if you can then My hairs too short

2007-07-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am going to be leaving my job as a chiropractors asst. It's been good since I have learned how to bill insurance, and develop x-rays and deal with patients...all the people from crazy town. Anyway I have decided to stick with what I know...Hair and whatever else comes to mind to complain about...but mostly hair i suppose. So anybody colored their hair lately?

Let Me Get What I Want...This Time

2007-04-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

The Man has a lot of crap. A LOT of crap. We live in a smaller apartment, and it's over run by crap. With the baby I told him that it was either his "stuff" or the Kiddo, and honestly I was on the Kiddos side. There are things that come up that the Man has asked for that I think are just more toys. The thing that is the most beloved of the Crap is the joint collection of music. OH it is a music lover paradise. There is the techno section, the Chick band section, the 80's electro pop, the Indie, the soundtracks, the old school, the Ska and everything inbetween.

A few months ago, the Man read that there was such a thing as an Iphone...brought to you by the people who make Ipods. I have often been jealous by the person who owns one. REALLY why in the world would someone like my self NOT own one. I mean really, you can put hundreds of songs on it and have them all at your finger tips. When the Man asked if he could get him one of them Iphones when they are released in June, my response was "SURE!! when you wife gets that Ipod she's always wanted" When he asked about a BBq'er he wanted. i said "sure ya can have that, WHEN your wife gets an Ipod she needs." the IPOD response had been effective, until now. For my birthday last week the man surprised me with the tiniest and prettiest Ipod shuffle. A mere 100 songs at a time works for me. I change my taste of music like I change my underwear. The dainty Ipod clips to where ever i need it so that I can ride a bike, walking around Walmart, or working in the garden. There is nothing like walking around in the world listening to Matisyaho's "king without a crown". Its like I have my own Mix tapes that go on and on and on. I have to admit I like walking into a room with your own personal theme songs, like in the movies. Or listening to the soundtrack of your life as you are LIVING your life. How have I lived so many years with out this precious little thing? It's a blessing it has come into my life. EVEN my baby is amazed that there is BIG sounds coming out of this little thing. You know now when the man now says he wants something... I have to say yes. I mean he got his wife the Ipods she loves.

I Don't Need Another Tube Of Dime Store, Lipstick Shade of Red

2007-02-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

Has anybody had to sit at home all day? Seriously there is a reason it is day time TV and it is being shown between the hours of 9-5. All crap. It's urging you to go and get out of the house and do something between those hours. Like a job, or a hobby or ANYTHING. I have listened to the new CD by the Scissor Sisters(discolicious) and the Shins(dreamy). I have been listening to a lot of other stuff, while I have been staying home. So this is what it is like to not work, and sit around waiting for your spawn to show up. Just an update...nothing yet. No baby. Believe me, I would more happy then anybody to be rid of the baby. I am the one that is Hauling around the 10 pound ham, that I can't see around, reach around, bend around. SERIOUSLY...I want this baby out of me. I am due this weekend so, there for no work for me. Thus, the day time TV. I turn it on to have noise on whilst I launder the clothes, wash the bathroom, and figure out which of the Man's many boxes of crap I am going to get rid of without him knowing just to make room for the baby's crap. Le sigh...no baby yet.

Soon our duo will become three

2007-01-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

I have made it through the Holidays in one peice, actually it looks like two peices. I am so close to actually having this baby I feel like an old pro. We have done the regular things that people do when they are having their first baby, we have been shopping for diapers. I made the Man take a birthing class, where he had to sit through several videos of women in Labor just so he knows what he is getting into. I have made the man show up to a few Doctors appointments, especially the one where he found out that barbies are in his near future. I have even woken him up in the middle of the night to roll me over. HEY being preggers is not easy when you are trying to roll over in bed. Now seeing that we are at a 4-5 weeks count down, here are things that I have learned about being great with monkey in Utah county.

1) Your belly is out there for EVERYone to touch.
It's interesting, I had no idea that when your belly gets to a certing GIRTH, people feel that they have the right to touch it, shake it, or pound on it. I wish there was some snappy remark I could come up with when people start feeling the belly up. I am somethimes the best at one liners, but this is a conversation stopper.

2) Everybody has a horror story.
You would think that there wouldn't be so many women willing to have children in this world with all of the terrible things that women have told me about giving birth to them. You know what? Telling me these stories is NOT going to stop me from hatching, and further more...why would they tell me such things when there is CLEARLY no going back at this point?? Trust me I have tried, but I have been told that really its too late and I am just going to have to do it.

3) Natual is the way to go.
This is such a trendy thing right now, no drugs when you are in labor. The big thing to get you through this painful experience is Hypno Birthing...Its suppose to keep you in a focused, relaxed situation so when you have the baby you are alert enough to become instant mother. Uh guess what? No. You know I realize that women use to do it all the time, but God put drugs on this earth, so I can take advanage of it. I have insisted that the second I walk into the Hospital, they hook me up to the drugs and just KEEP EM COMMIN'.

4) All advice is the best advice.
I realize that this is my first. I realize that this is my husbands first. I realize that we also have big signs strapped to our backs stateing that we need all the advice we can get. Thats right we were silly in the first place waiting until we were about 30 to get married, so that stands to reason we need to be told all the ways to handle a baby. Look, its great that people are freely telling me how to raise a baby, but if you have just one...and ONLY ONE, how likely is it I am going to take your advice over say someone who has...well 10. Trust me there are people out there with 10 kids, I have met them and see them often. Besides I was a first baby, the eldest of 4 kids and you know what my mom says about that? "You were the Guinea Pig...tehe" I figure that is what the first baby is, and that is what they will be.

5) Oh! Your Pregnant?
Oh! you just thought I was fat? There is no way that they are going to get out of this without me saying something. I CLEARLY look like I am about to pop any second now. Really there is no reason for ANYBODY to NOT know. SERIOUSLY if people are rubbing the belly for luck and wishing on my belly...saying this is not acceptable. My response is usually "no, duh...i am just fat for the hell of it". Oh and for the record, walking into a room eyeballing me and yelling "whoa, when are due, your Huge" that doesn't make me like you.

This is what I am currently hearing, or feeling. The last month has been really interesting, I have been really kind about most of it. I kind of wonder what ever happened to people learning "tact". Apparently its dead in Utah county. There are more, but for this post...that is all I am going to say. I should really take off now, since the baby has found a few major organs and insists on pounding on them.