CR Insider

GAME NOTES FOR WEEK 1

2008-09-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

Some last minute suggestions for those of you out there who are on the fence about players in week 1. Also, my week 1 predictions, for all you degenerate gamblers out there who have been waiting 9 months to get your fix. Happy betting!!

-Start Antonio Bryant. You may be saying-‘Who?’ But take heed. Bryant is starting opposite Joey Galloway for the Buccaneers. When he’s had a real quarterback, Bryant has been pretty good. Jeff Garcia borders on real quarterback. And he’ll be matched up with Jason David. He’s a no good.

-Don’t start Jake Delhomme. No Steve Smith means I don’t want to see you near my active roster.

-Start Matt Ryan. If you are in a 2 QB league. That’s very important to remember! Only in 2 QB leagues. You might not get many more opportunities to play him. The Lions stink.

-Don’t start Ryan Grant. Jared Allen is going to eat him with a nice slice of camembert. I also don’t like the fact that the Packers coaches are saying they want to limit Grant to 20 carries per game. What is this, JV?

-Start Dwayne Bowe. If there is anything that stinks about the Patriots, it’s their secondary. Ellis Hobbs? Seriously? The Chiefs are going to be down big and that means lots of passing.

Don’t start Edgerin James. It looks like a nice matchup, but I have a feeling Tim Hightower will be making more of an impact than most people are expecting. Edge’s 3 yards per carry is getting old.

Start Nate Burleson. Only because the Seattle WR corps is decimated. This week, they brought in John Jefferson and Charlie Joiner for tryouts. If the Seahawks win 2 road games this year, it will be a miracle. The division is there for the Cardinals to take.

Don’t start Reggie Brown or Williams. Bad week to be named Reggie.

Start Patrick Crayton at Cleveland. I guarantee you a touchdown…here it comes…get ready…IT’S IN THE BAG!!

Start Robert Meacham vs. TB. In the immortal words of Cletus of the Simpsons: “It’s my time to shine.”

Start Kevin Walter at Pittsburgh. While the Steelers blanket Andre Johnson with 5 guys, Walter will sneak in a garbage time score.

Start Anthony Fasano vs the Jets. Perfect for Pennington’s shortcomings.

Start Todd Heap vs. the Bengals. You don’t get many weeks where Heap is actually going to play. He’s listed as probable, so you should be safe. When he plays, he’s good…and the Bengals have Dhani Jones starting at linebacker. Good times.

Don’t start the Cowboys defense at Cleveland. Shootout on the horizon.

Start the Raiders defense vs. Denver. No Brandon Marshall. Plus, the Raiders D is much improved and could be this year’s surprise.

NFL Predictions

Detroit -4 at Atlanta
Buffalo Even vs. Seattle
Miami +4.5 vs. NY Jets
New England -13.5 vs. KC
New Orleans -4 vs. TB
Philadelphia -7 vs. St. Louis
Pittsburgh -7.5 vs. Houston
Tennessee +3.5 vs. Jacksonville
Baltimore +2.5 vs. Cincinnati
San Diego -6.5 vs. Carolina
Arizona -1 at San Francisco
Cleveland +6 vs. Dallas
Indianapolis -8 vs. Chicago
Oakland +1 vs. Denver
Minnesota Even at Green Bay

3 HOURS, LOADS OF INFO

2008-09-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

On a glorious, 95 degree Autumn day, the NFL returned to us in all it’s splendor. I can only wonder how squishy the field at Giants Stadium was following the game, thanks to the 250 gallons of sweat that was poured onto it.

In just 3 short hours, we learned a lot, whether you think you did or not.

-Did you ever think you would see anything other than an act of God bring a pro football game to us at 7:00? Just goes to show what a Metrodome full of old, rich white guys can do.

-Also, why did the Twins have to go on a 2 week, 14 game road trip to accommodate a 4 day convention?

-The Redskins seriously need to rethink this whole Jason Campbell thing. Remember heading into the 2007 season when everyone had Campbell as their fantasy sleeper? Well, he keeps on hitting the snooze button. Despite a very strong supporting cast. A top notch backfield. A Pro-Bowl tight end. Two above average, veteran receivers. The weak link is obviously at QB. Campbell looked horrible last night.

-Not to kick a guy when he’s down, but the Redskins made the playoffs last year because of Todd Collins, not Campbell. The Skins were dead in the water 5-7 when Campbell got hurt. Collins won the final four games and drove them into the postseason. This past off-season, everyone hemmed and hawed about the Vikings, saying they would be a Super Bowl contender with a better QB. Well, how about the Redskins? Their next four games are home against New Orleans, home against the Cardinals, then at Dallas and at Philadelphia. 1-4 is realistic.

-Ahmad Bradshaw will be one of the most highly dropped players heading into week 2. Bradshaw was drafted in every league I am in. Derrick Ward was drafted in none. If Jacobs gets hurt, Bradshaw might turn into the number one guy. But until then, he’s Terry Bradshaw’s illegitimate love child returning kicks.

-When you are down two scores with two minutes left and you call a play that’s a bomb to James Thrash, you’re in deep doo-doo. Seriously, Santana Moss is 5’10 and ridiculously listed as 200 pounds. (must have been with pads and helmet on) He’s the fastest guy on the field. Just keep sending him deep!

-Before the year is out, Brandon Jacobs is going to hit somebody so hard that they mess their pants.

-Jim Zorn has obviously never been a head coach before--at any level. Maybe he’ll do better during day games when he can use the sun for clock management.

-Have you ever tried to explain fantasy football to your son or daughter? I was trying to tell my daughter how it’s okay for Brandon Jacobs to get lots of rushing yards, but at the same time, have the rest of the Giants dislocate their kneecaps.

“But daddy, you said the Giants are evil.”

“Yes, sweetie. I’m glad you were listening. They are all evil except for that guy. He needs to rush for 200 yards and score 3 times.”

Puzzled look ensues.

By the time she is 12, she’ll be the Doogie Howser of fantasy sports. I wonder if she can get a scholarship for that?

-I know the Giants won, but if you are a fan, you couldn’t have really liked what you saw out of Eli. He looked less like the guy who won the Super Bowl and more like the guy who has a career passer rating of 73.4 in the regular season.

-Plaxico went a lot lower in drafts than he should have, thus proving the old Allen Iverson adage, ‘Practice?’ Plax is a top 10 receiver and if you got him lower than that in your draft, consider yourself lucky.

-Can Ladell Betts file a grievance for lack of use? Derrick Ward 11 touches, Betts 2. What’s wrong with this picture?

-While we’re at it, Chris Cooley might want to start lobbying for Todd Collins….or else he can say bye-bye to that free trip to Hawaii in February.

ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO

2008-08-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

I fool myself every year heading into fantasy football drafts. While baseball drafts can be fairly predictable, football drafts always go screwy.

Read all the publications you want. Follow all the mock drafts you want. Compile a list based on ADP (Average Draft Position). No matter what, things will end up going haywire.

I took part in my first money draft this past weekend. As the reigning champ, I had bragging rights over everyone in the room, though based on the outcome of the draft, I don’t expect to make it two in a row.

Like almost all other nowadays, this was a keeper league, with owners allowed to protect two players from their previous year’s lineup. We are also allowed to trade future draft picks. That being the case, I didn’t have a first round pick this year, since I traded it late last season for Brian Westbrook.

The results and my spin on things: (each team’s keepers are listed in parentheses)

Round 1

1-Ziliani-(Marshawn Lynch, Jason Witten)-LaDanian Tomlinson
2-Olivo-(Fred Taylor, Tony Gonzalez)-Brian Westbrook
3-Gray-(David Garrard, Stephen Gostkowski?!?)-Tom Brady
4-Layton-(Ben Roethlisberger, Ryan Grant)-Joseph Addai
5-Gartner-(Adrian Peterson, Braylon Edwards)-Tony Romo
6-Blum-(Michael Turner, Wes Welker)-Clinton Portis
7-Swartz-(Phillip Rivers, Shaun McDonald)-Steven Jackson
8-Babrisky-(Eli Manning, Jamal Lewis)-Randy Moss
9-Gartner-Maurice Jones Drew
10-Blum-Terrell Owens

As you can see, right out of the shoot, craziness ensued. Gray kept hollering that he didn’t want to take Addai at 3, but nobody believed him. He shocked the world and took Brady, making his keeper Garrard completely useless. I can’t even comment on the fact that he protected a kicker….it would be too easy.

Romo at 5 was another shock, considering a pairing of S-Jax and Peterson (the good one) would have been amazing. Also, Romo could have been had with his second first round pick at number 9, considering teams 7 and 8 already had quarterbacks protected. You need to look at these things Tom!

Portis going before Jackson was another surprise. I was afraid I would be stuck taking Portis with my first pick at 12…luckily, that didn’t come to be. Did I mention I hate Clinton Portis?

And then there is MJD. The touchdowns are nice, but taking a timeshare RB with the 9th overall pick…I just can’t give it my stamp of approval.

Round 2

11-Ziliani-Reggie Wayne
12-Me-(Matt Hasselback, Jeremy Shockey)-Marion Barber
13-Babrisky-Frank Gore
14-Swartz-Peyton Manning
15-Gartner-Larry Fitzgerald
16-Blum-Drew Brees
17-Layton-Marques Colston
18-Gray-Willis McGahee
19-Olivo-Andre Johnson
20-Ziliani-Chad Johnson

I’ll start with my pick….I couldn’t believe my eyes when I found I had a choice of Marion Barber or Frank Gore with the 12th overall pick!!! I end up choosing Barber only because the Dallas offense is SO much better than the Niners. The Boys are going to run Barber into the ground this year…and no, I’m not worried about Felix Jones. Barber is THE MAN and should have gone in the first round.

I worry about Fitzgerald, only because Matt Leinart stinks. When word broke that Kurt Warner was going to be the starter, I thought it was a good pick. Then word came that he’s not starting and that being the case, I would have taken Andre Johnson ahead of Fitz.

Bad news out of Cincy, as Ocho has a worse injury than originally thought. The Ziliani curse rears its ugly head. If you haven’t drafted yet, you might want to stay away from Tomlinson and Reggie Wayne as well. And anybody else listed under Ziliani throughout the rest of this draft. They are doomed.

Round 3

21-Ziliani-Carson Palmer
22-Olivo-TJ Houshmanzadeh
23-Gray-Willie Parker (oy)
24-Layton-Santonio Holmes
25-Blum-Anquan Boldin
26-Gartner-Larry Johnson
27-Blum-Thomas Jones
28-Gray-Plaxico Burress
29-Me-Brandon Jacobs
30-Worek-(Earnest Graham, Roddy White)-Laurence Maroney

Let’s start with Willie Parker….I think he’s a good guy to take a chance on. But with the 23rd overall pick, you shouldn’t be taking chances, you should be taking sure things.

Holmes is shooting up draft boards and so is Thomas Jones. Holmes I’m cool with, but Jones is a 30 year old RB who scored 2 total touchdowns last year. I know the Jets are better, but WOW. Even money says Leon Washington outperforms Jones this season.

Burress scares me because I could see the Super Bowl hangover really effecting him this season.

I’ve always been a sucker for Brandon Jacobs, mainly because he runs people over instead of running around them and I dig that. Him and I have close to the same dimensions, but I don’t fumble as much. Looking back, I should have gone WR, but I panicked. Still, a RB combo of Jacobs and Barber is alright with me.

Round 4

31-Worek-Torry Holt
32-Olivo-Marvin Harrison
33-Babrisky-Steve Smith
34-Swartz-Selvin Young
35-Gartner-Calvin Johnson
36-Blum-Roy Williams
37-Layton-Lavarneus Coles
38-Gray-Darren McFadden
39-Olivo-Donovan McNabb
40-Ziliani-Edgerrin James

The pizza has arrived and it’s the greasiest stuff I’ve ever seen. Does that stop me from scarfing down 4 slices?

I’d like to call this the round of guys I wouldn’t want anyway. It’s always nice when guys go off the board that you had no intention of going near. 8 of the ten in this round fall into that category.

Holt, Harrison and Smith were top 5 receivers last year and now here they are. Hanging with the Lavarneus Coles’ of the world. Depressing.

If you draft a Denver RB, you are a masochist. Seriously, is there ever a week where you are going to start Selvin Young and feel happy about it?

McFadden and McNabb are the two picks I liked….in fact, I was hoping McNabb would last until my next pick, but no such luck.

Justin Fargas signed a fat extension with the Raiders this offseason and then Al Davis goes and drafts McFadden. Any NFL team looking for a RB will be able to have Fargas in ’09, because he won’t be needed in Oaktown. McFadden is for real. But he still will be sharing categories at the outset, which stinks. Plus, I’ve heard he isn’t as good as people thought anyway. Shhhh.

Round 5

41-Ziliani-Jerricho Cotchery
42-Olivo-Derek Anderson
43-Gray-Anthony Gonzalez
44-Layton-Kevin Smith
45-Blum-Brandon Marshall
46-Blum-Antonio Gates
47-Swartz-Kellen Winslow
48-Babrisky-Matt Forte
49-Me-Greg Jennings
50-Worek-Jonathan Stewart

While round 4 was old guys, round 5 went young.

Ziliani is buying way too much into the Favre hype and reached for Cotchery.

Olivo drafted McNabb at 39 and then turns to Derek Anderson 3 picks later. Confusing.

Gates will finish the season closer to being the 10th best tight end than the 1st. You know what they say about the big toe.

Anthony Gonzalez shouldn’t have even sniffed the 5th round, but when Randy wants somebody, he goes after him. Too many number one receivers still out there to be taking a number 3.

Marshall might end up being the top receiver in the league this year. He’ll triple Gonzalez’s numbers, despite the suspension, which has been reduced to just one game.

I was desparate for a WR and Jennings was the best available. I know his success came with Favre…but he’s a third year receiver who’s improved each of his first two seasons. I can’t see him matching 12 TD’s, but I think he’ll see a bump in yardage.

I’d rather have Kevin Jones than Matt Forte.

Round 6

51-Worek-Jay Cutler
52-Me-Hines Ward
53-Babrisky-Reggie Bush
54-Swartz-Lee Evans
55-Gartner-Dwayne Bowe
56-Blum-Chris Cooley
57-Layton-Dallas Clark
58-Gray-Santana Moss
59-Olivo-Rudi Johnson
60-Ziliani-Nate Burleson

I’m disgusted with myself for taking Hines Ward. Let me just say that off the bat. But Pittsburgh is going to throw a lot….and Ward had 71 catches last year despite missing 3 and a half games. (I’m trying to convince myself it was a good pick)

Then comes Evans and Bowe. At least Hines has a real QB throwing him the ball.

The guy I should have taken was Santana Moss, who is going to be playing in a perfect scheme for his skill set.

The last two picks of the round don’t even warrant a comment.

Round 7

61-Ziliani-Brett Favre
62-Olivo-Chris Chambers
63-Gray-Joey Galloway
64-Layton-Bernard Berrian
65-Blum-Vikings D/ST
66-Gartner-Cowboys D/ST
67-Swartz-Reggie Brown
68-Babrisky-Ted Ginn
69-Me-Patrick Crayton
70-Worek-Lendale White

It was about the time of the Nate Burleson pick last round that I had to pay the piper for those four slices of pizza and five cups of coke. Needless to say, the bathroom at the Hamilton PBA Hall will never be the same again.

Here’s the funny thing. On the clock was Ziliani, in his newly minted, ‘hey look at me, I’m a frontrunner’, Brett Favre NY Jets jersey. It still smelled like Walmart. When I went into the men’s room, he was on the clock. When I came out, 10 minutes later, he was finally making his choice……Favre!!

If it takes you ten minutes to decide whether or not to draft the guy whose jersey you are wearing, something is amiss.

Round 7 should be called the round of average receivers. Chambers, Galloway, Berrian, Brown….they are all guys who end up starting for you, but you aren’t happy about it.

Maybe I was brainwashed by Hard Knocks, but I think Crayton makes the leap this year. His final numbers will be a lot closer to TO’s than people expect. You’ve been warned!

I liked Lendale White better when he was on ‘The Wire.’

Round 8

71-Worek-Heath Miller
72-Me-Ronnie Brown
73-Babrisky-Vernon Davis
74-Swartz-Reggie Williams
75-Gartner-DeAngelo Williams
76-Blum-Aaron Rodgers
77-Layton-Chris Johnson
78-Gray-Tony Scheffler
79-Olivo-Ahmad Bradshaw
80-Ziliani-Derrick Mason

I’ve got to be happy swiping Ronnie Brown in the 8th round, right?

This is about the time for you to be taking some chances and some owners did. Chris Johnson looks good in Tennessee.

Olivo is a Giants fan and he scared me when he took Bradshaw this early. Considering I have Jacobs, I’m hoping Bradshaw is an afterthought. Does the G-Men fan know something I don’t or is he just sickened by the fact that he owns both McNabb and Westbrook? Let’s hope he just felt the need to get some Big Blue blood on his squad.

I would also like to start a drive to ban Derrick Mason from all future fantasy football drafts….I hate him that much. At least he’s on the team of a guy in my division.

Round 9

81-Ziliani-Rashard Mendenhall
82-Olivo-Donte Stallworth
83-Gray-Jake Delhomme
84-Layton-Jason Campbell
85-Blum-Matt Leinart
86-Gartner-Matt Schaub
87-Swartz-Dominic Rhodes
88-Babrisky-Donald Driver
89-Me-Marc Bulger
90-Worek-Vincent Jackson

It’s the attack of the mediocre to below average quarterbacks!!

Gray was actually giddy when Delhomme ‘fell’ to him. Seriously….Jake has had reconstructive elbow surgery and he’s throwing to Muhshin Muhammed. Steve Smith is overrated.

Donald Driver was ‘that’ guy. All the rankings had him going much higher, but he just kept on falling. Like that last guy in the green room at the NFL draft. I started to feel sad for him.

Vincent Jackson….breakout candidate or perennial tease? You decide.

Round 10

91-Worek-Seahawks
92-Me-Kurt Warner
93-Babrisky-Chris Perry
94-Swartz-Jerry Porter
95-Gartner-Owen Daniels
96-Blum-Jaquars
97-Layton-Packers
98-Gray-Kevin Curtis
99-Olivo-Chargers
100-Ziliani-Patriots

News broke seconds before my selection that Warner would be the starter in Arizona. Sometimes, the internet is a bad thing.

Chris Perry is a tremendous pick in round 10, since he’ll be starting as long as he is healthy and Cincy always seems to supply it’s RB’s with scoring opportunities.

I heard Worek say the Seahawks, but I didn’t really believe it….until he put the sticker on the board. If you are missing picks in rounds 1 and 2, you can’t be taking a mediocre defense in round 10.

Pick 100 and I finally like a selection from Ziliani. The Pats schedule is cake and their defense gives you a ton of big plays. I’d definitely take them over GB, Seattle and the Cowboys.

Round 11

101-Ziliani-Jon Kitna
102-Olivo-Jeff Garcia
103-Gray-Deuce McAllister
104-Layton-Ben Utecht
105-Blum-Rob Bironas
106-Gartner-Jamarcus Russell
107-Swartz-Leon Washington
108-Babrisky-Justin Gage
109-Me-DJ Hackett
110-Worek-Nick Folk

Look at this motley crew of draft picks. Tell me one guy out of this 10 that you would come away saying you were excited to have on your team.

For some reason the Justin Gage selection resounded in a chorus of ‘ooh, nice pick.’ And they sounded serious.

With his 9th selection Worek takes a kicker to go along with his lousy D/ST.

DJ Hackett has had the label of breakout guy since I was in grade school. Maybe this year. Yeah, maybe this year.

Jamarcus Russell can throw a football 50 yards from his knees. He can also eat 50 yards worth of Italian hoagie in 10 minutes flat.

Round 12

111-Worek-Robert Meacham
112-Me-Bears
113-Babrisky-Kyle Orton
114-Swartz-Randy McMichael
115-Gartner-Adam Vinatieri
116-Gartner-LJ Smith
117-Layton-James Hardy
118-Gray-Donald Lee
119-Olivo-Todd Heap
120-Ziliani-Zach Miller

Hate to pick on Worek, but his last three picks have been Seattle, Nick Folk and Robert Meacham.

Remember the last two year, when people were selecting the Bears D/ST in like the 4th round? Now, suddenly, they are the 8th best? Last time I checked, Devin Hester was still on the team. As was Brian Urlacher.

Now James Hardy….that’s the kind of pick I like to see. Not some old retread who really has no chance of doing anything out of the ordinary (see DJ Hackett), but a young guy who might go for 1000 yards. He might also go for 250 yards on 12 catches. But I like the forward thinking. Nick pick Layton.

That’s a whole lot of lousy TE going in round 12. Sandwiched around the worst beard in the NFL, Kyle Orton. Moving on.

Round 13

121-Ziliani-Nate Kaeding
122-Olivo-Mason Crosby
123-Gray-Colts
124-Layton-Robbie Gould
125-Blum-Shayne Graham
126-Gartner-Eagles
127-Swartz-Ravens
128-Babrisky-Vince Young
129-Me-Antonio Bryant
130-Worek-Devin Hester

Back to back QB picks by Babrisky. Kyle Orton followed by Vince Young. Anybody with a QB to spare, I’ve got Babrisky’s number for you.

Kicker run!!!! Never a good time.

I love me some Antonio Bryant. Think Reggie Wayne, with not as good hands, a gay quarterback, and a big mouth. Which kind of makes them a match made in heaven. Seriously, Bryant can have a big year.

Round 14

131-Worek-Trent Edwards
132-Me-Josh Brown
133-Babrisky-Neil Rackers
134-Swartz-Ryan Longwell
135-Gartner-Sidney Rice
136-Layton-Chad Pennington
137-Gray-David Akers
138-Olivo-Giants
139-Ziliani-Josh Scobee

Before you persecute me, I took a kicker before my last RB because I was the only team left who needed an RB, thus I knew I had my choice later on.

Remember how many points Jeff Wilkins used to put up? Well, Josh Brown is a lot better than him and that was while kicking in Sasquatch Territory.

The Sidney Rice pick drew some ooh’s, but I’ve got better hands than him.

David Akers was 1-10 on FG’s over 40 yards last year. I love the guy, but he’s cooked. Shouldn’t even be drafted.

Round 15

140-Ziliani-Bills
141-Olivo-Kris Brown
142-Gray-Buccaneers
143-Layton-Steelers
144-Gartner-Mike Nugent
145-Swartz-Jim Sorgi
146-Babrisky-Kevin Boss
147-Me-Alge Crumpler
148-Worek-Troy Smith

Get your QB’s early or else you’ll be stuck with the Troy Smith’s and Kyle Orton’s of the world. Just a warning.

Alge Crumpler, if he can stay on the field, will have a top 10 year. The system in Nashville floods the tight end with balls and Alge can catch. He just can’t run that much anymore.

Round 16

149-Worek-Greg Olsen
150-Me-Raiders
151-Babrisky-Texans
152-Swartz-Jason Hanson
153-Layton-Phil Dawson

Round 17
154-Layton-Phil Dawson
155-Swartz-Titans
156-Babrisky-Cardinals
157-Me-Brandon Coutu
158-Worek-Jeff Reed

Round 18
159-Worek-Panthers
160-Me-Felix Jones
161-Babrisky-Matt Stover

Very few players of consequence these last three rounds. I saved Felix Jones for last, even though there were a lot of RB’s still around. Call it my MB3 insurance.

Also, if looking for a sleeper defense, check out the Raiders. They were pretty good already last year and then they added Gibril Wilson and DeAngelo Hall this offseason. You could do a lot worse as many of these draftees have pointed out.

In the end, my roster looks like this:

QB1-Matt Hasselback
QB2-Marc Bulger
QB3-Kurt Warner

RB1-Marion Barber III
RB2-Brandon Jacobs
RB3-Ronnie Brown
RB4-Felix Jones

WR1-Greg Jennings
WR2-Hines Ward
WR3-Patrick Crayton
WR4-DJ Hackett
WR5-Antonio Bryant

TE1-Jeremy Shockey
TE2-Alge Crumpler

K1-Josh Brown
K2-Brandon Coutou

D1-Bears
D2-Raiders

Yeah, it stinks, I know. But who won it all last year? That’s what I thought.

YEA OR NAY FOR AUGUST 22ND

2008-08-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve always had a hard time preparing for fantasy football drafts, thanks in part to fantasy baseball.

After working and slaving over your baseball rosters for nearly five months, I’m always blown away by how many people simply drop out to focus on football. I love the NFL as much as anyone, but I can’t let that hard work go to waste…and my football teams are the ones who suffer for it.

But this year, I’m rededicating myself. My baseball squads are in pretty good order, all three in money contention. So I’ve been putting a little extra time into football, trying to come out ahead, instead of having to play from behind.

This week’s yea or nay will include words of wisdom from both baseball and football...remember, if you’re going to watch any preseason football, do it this weekend, when you’ll get the most bang for your buck. There are a ton of position battles still to be determined and this will likely be the weekend guys separate themselves.

YEA: Let’s start with last night’s Bears-49ers game. Yea to Kevin Jones. I know Matt Forte got the bulk of carries (11-4), but I believe Jones will be the guy, as long as he proves to be healthy. The fact that he is back in the lineup and broke a 34 yarder last night makes me take him before I would Forte. Forte might open the year as the starter, but Jones will end up with better numbers.

YEA: To Michael Bradley. I think he’ll step in and put up similar numbers to what Bernard Berrian did in his last two years in Chicago. Despite all the criticism, Kyle Orton wins games and Bradley will be his go to guy.

NAY: To Frank Gore. The truth of the matter is, Mike Martz cannot make every running back he coaches Marshall Faulk. His track record over the past couple years proves that. I like the fact that Gore is ‘THE MAN’ in the Niners running game, but I would still take Marshawn Lynch, Marion Barber and Clinton Portis before him.

NAY: To Vernon Davis. His one catch last night should have been overturned, since he didn’t have both feet in AND he didn’t have control of the ball. We haven’t seen the breakout yet and I doubt we will this season either.

YEA: To Michael Phelps, the greatest swimmer in the world.

NAY: To Michael Phelps, the worlds greatest athlete. That’s just stupid, people. He’s a swimmer. If my 7 year old daughter can do it, than you can’t be called the best athlete in the world.

YEA: To Carl Pavano. Despite all his best efforts, the Yankees are tossing him out there tomorrow against the Orioles. He’s got one month left on his 4 year, 40 million dollar contract and this will be just his 21st start. What makes me smile even more is picturing him signing a one year contract with the Red Sox and then winning 18 games for them next year.

NAY: To an MLB postseason without either the Sox or the Yanks. THAT HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE 1993!!!!

YEA: To Brett Myers. I’m as amazed as anyone that he was able to figure things out, but he has. But I still don’t think the Phils will catch the Mets, unfortunately.

NAY: To the Nationals. I watched this team play three straight nights this week and I feel dirty for doing so. This might be the most boring, impotent team ever created. Ryan Zimmerman hasn’t hit a home run since May. Jesus Flores leads the team with (get ready for this)…..54 RBI. As a team, they’ve stolen 56 bases…or 3 less than Willy Tavares. They actually have Aaron Boone as a contributing player. AARON BOONE!!! And their pitching is no better. If there is one team in all of baseball that is years away from competing, this is it.

YEA: To Matt Schaub finishing the season as a top 10 fantasy QB.

NAY: To the Browns finishing with more than 5 wins. The 2007 Browns were the biggest mirage since Johnny Cueto. My case in point: take a look at their 2007 schedule, where they finished 10-6, just barely missing the playoffs.

Wins: Cincinnati, Baltimore (twice), Miami, St. Louis, Seattle, Houston, NYJets, San Francisco.

Losses: Pittsburgh (twice), Oakland, New England, Arizona, Cincinnati

Of their 10 wins, just one came against a playoff team (Seattle) and the Seahawks are always lousy on the road (3-5 last year). The rest of the wins came against the dregs of the league. The saying goes, to be a high caliber team, you have to win the games that you are supposed to and then win some that you aren’t. The Browns didn’t do that last year…now look at this year’s schedule.

Outside of the six division games (Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Baltimore)….Dallas, NY Giants, Washington, Jacksonville, Denver, Buffalo, Houston, Indy, Tennessee, Philadelphia.

You find me six wins.

YEA: To the Buffalo Bills. This will be the 2008 version of the last year’s Browns. 10 wins, mark it down.

YEA: To Thomas Jones. He’s going way too late in everybody’s draft, which is a mistake. He’s got no competition, an improved offensive line and an improved quarterback. He should be going before a lot of the guys who are in timeshares (Selvin Young and Earnest Graham, I’m talking to you).

NAY: To Carson Palmer going as the 5th or 6th quarterback off most draft boards. He was super average last year, minus that big game versus Cleveland. I’d take Schaub, McNabb, Garrard and Favre before Palmer.

YEA: To not taking a running back in the first two rounds. If you don’t pick in the top five, I would definitely consider it. What sounds better: a combo of Brady and Wayne or a combo of Portis and Lewis? If there was ever a year to sit back and wait on RB’s, this is it.

NAY: To Larry Fitzgerald. If Matt Leinart is the starter, I think Fitz’s numbers take a dive. Fitz had just 2 touchdowns in the first 8 games last year, which included two starts by Leinart and another two where Kurt Warner started, but couldn’t finish. Once Warner got his feet under him, Larry took off. I just worry, that’s all.

YEA: To Willie Parker on my team. He’s another guy going way too low. Talk up last year’s two touchdowns and then steal Fast Willie in the 4th round.

NAY: To the Mets for bringing Ryan Church back this season, despite the fact he thinks he still plays for the Nationals. Once a guy gets a concussion, it’s like they become magnets for more and you know Church will either run into a wall or get beaned or crash into the catcher on a play at home. Let the guy sit and clear his head until spring.

NAY: To my NL only waiver claim on Casey Kotchman. I could have had Casey Blake, but I opted for Kotchman, who has since gone 0 for Atlanta.

YEA: To Pablo Sandoval. If you are in an NL only league, grab Sandoval now! The crop of catchers is pretty awful, but Sandoval qualifies and he knows how to hit. Would you rather have Nick Hundley?

NAY: To drafting the Chargers as the number one ST/D. Hard to believe one player could make a difference, but if anyone can, it’s Shawn Merriman. If he can’t play, drop the Chargers down a peg.

YEA: To Livan Hernandez. Still pitching, still awful. Hard to believe he’s gotten worse since leaving Minnesota, but so far in Colorado: 2 starts, 8.2 IP, 15 ER, 2 K’s. I know that I am truly horrible, but isn’t it possible I could do better than this?

For those with drafts this weekend, my revised top 20:

1. LaDanian Tomlinson
2. Brian Westbrook
3. Joseph Addai
4. Steven Jackson
5. Adrian Peterson
6. Tom Brady
7. Marshawn Lynch
8. Marion Barber
9. Randy Moss
10. Clinton Portis
11. Tony Romo
12. Terrell Owens
13. Frank Gore
14. Ryan Grant
15. Reggie Wayne
16. Peyton Manning
17. Willis McGahee
18. Andre Johnson
19. Larry Johnson
20. Maurice Jones-Drew

BACK FROM THE DEAD

2008-08-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

When the summer started, I thought to myself ‘The kids will play outside all day and I’ll be able to write something for the blog 3 or 4 times per week.’

I can’t exactly pinpoint where things went wrong, but since my daughter got off that school bus on the last day of school back in June, I’ve had exactly 27 minutes total to myself. Trust me, I’ve been counting.

In these past two months, I’ve seen my 7 year old daughter begin to show signs of what it will be like when she is a teenager and I’m scared out of my wits. If she can act like this now, I should probably just lock myself in the bathroom the day she turns 13.

My 4 year old son has turned from a tyke into a boy, as he has gone from Thomas the Tank Engine and Diego to Star Wars and Indiana Jones. It’s nice watching Empire over the Wonderpets, but today marked the 23rd viewing and Yoda is starting to get on my nerves.

It’s nice to see all the old Star Wars toys coming back into vogue, though. On our last visit to Toys R Us I came across the most recent incarnation of the Millenium Falcon. It’s a lot more fancy than that plastic piece of junk I used to have, but for 160 dollars it had better be. (no, I didn’t buy it…..but I wanted to)

There are about six weeks left in the baseball regular season, so you should definitely know by now if you’ve got a shot to come in the money. If you play head to head, most playoffs begin in a week or two, so get those pitching staffs lined up.

I was going over some stats yesterday and I realized that there are just some ridiculously fluky numbers out there that nobody is mentioning. Just going to show you that nobody can predict nothing.

-Josh Beckett: A top 10 starter coming into the season, Beckett has just 11 wins and an ERA of 4.34. He’s continuing a trend of up in odd number years, down in even numbered. But if he was pitching like he’s capable, the Sox wouldn’t be looking up at the Rays, they’d be looking down.

-BJ Upton and Alex Rios-Last year, these two combined to hit 48 homers. This year, they’ve only got 17 between them. Both were concensus first round picks in AL only and both are stealing bases like crazy. But the bombs just around there like they were expected.

-Justin Verlander-So much for all those predictions of this guy making ‘the leap’. He’s been a nightmare, with an ERA over 4.60 and even a drop in strikeouts. And things don’t seem to be improving, having given up 25 earned runs over his last 5 starts.

-The Twins-I have to put this whole team in this category, because with the trade of Johan Santana, the Twinks were supposed to be rebuilding. Instead, they’ve got a better record than both the Yankees and the Mets, the two teams that led the charge in the Johan sweepstakes. The Mets can’t be disappointed in what their end, because Johan has been as advertised, especially recently. But the fact that the Twins continue to win with their minimal payroll is an amazing testament to their organization. Throw in the fact that they were able to withstand the toilet arm that is Livan Hernandez for 4 months and their current spot atop the AL Central is all the more amazing.

-Jason Kendall-I know the guy stinks at the plate (1 home run in 393 at-bats), but Kendall is an iron man in a league proliferated with candyasses (Milton Bradley, I’m calling you out). Kendall has caught 113 of the Brewers 125 games. Since July, Kendall has missed just two games. He’s a guy who wants to compete and win and a guy everybody should want on their team.

-Brian Giles-And onto the polar opposite of Kendall. Since the league cracked down on steroids and other goodies, Giles has evaporated, in both stats and stature. San Diego tried to move Giles after the waiver deadline and had a deal in place with Boston, but Giles refused to go. Thank god for that, because the last thing the Sox needed was a 37 year old lead footed lefty with no power left to speak of. Plus, it speaks volumes when a guy refuses to move to a squad for two months, when he’s got a chance of getting a World Series ring. I still remember when Rafael Palmeiro refused to leave Texas for the Cubs a few years back. I know you guys love your families and all, but it’s TWO MONTHS! The drive to win is just not with these guys and they deserve to play in places like San Diego and Arlington.

-Melky Cabrera-I’ve been saying for two years now that Cabrera is a waste of space and my Yankee friends have been calling me a bitter Sox fan. Now, Cabrera is in the minors and I am proven right once again. So, you want Johan for Melky Cabrera and Ian Kennedy? When Twins GM Bill Smith hung up the phone after that conversation, how hard do you think he laughed?

-Randy Johnson-I admit, I gave up on the Unit in my mixed league back in June after he gave up 14 earned runs in a week. But it turns out my original hunch was correct. When he’s healthy, like he is now, he’s a top pitcher in the game. Still, at the age of 44. Since the All-Star break, Johnson is 4-2 with an ERA of 1.56 and a WHIP under 1.00. He doesn’t strike out 10 guys a game like he used to, but you can’t complain about the other numbers.

-Ian Stewart-The last time we spoke I mentioned Stewart, who had just been handed the starting third base job. Hopefully you listened, because Stewart is already up to 8-32-.285, in just 147 at bats. Throw in that second base eligibility and you’ve got yourself a strong middle infielder, even in mixed leagues.

-Jensen Lewis-It’s no fun being an Indians fan this year, but they are still worth paying attention to. The closer situation seems like it might have finally found a solution, with hardthrowing Jensen Lewis, who has gotten the last three saves for the Tribe. After a massive rough patch in July, Lewis has gone 8 straight outings without giving up a run and seems to have earned the confidence of manager Eric Wedge. Saves are saves, even in Ohio.

-Trevor Hoffman-And since we are on the topic of saves, the all time saves leader is showing he still has what it takes. Hoffman stunk in the early going, helping to bury the Padres in the NL West. But after having an ERA above 6 back in May, the Hoff is down close to 4 now and the saves are now up to 26. Hoff has more saves than K-Rod in August.

-Wily Tavares-Did you know Wily leads the majors in steals with 58? Me neither. And it’s not even close.

-Jacoby Ellsbury-And on the topic of steals, remember when Ellsbury had 34 steals back in June and he looked like the Native American version of Vince Coleman? I do, because I played against Ellsbury the week he stole 9 bases. Anyway, over the past two months, Ellsbury has stolen a grand total of 4 bags. So much for that.

-Carlos Quentin-He leads the majors in home runs. I’m not kidding. Not bad for a guy who went undrafted in most leagues. If you took a flier on him, chances are you are going to win some money.

-Dan Uggla-He had 23 home runs heading into the break. He’s had just 3 since, including ZERO in all of August. And it’s not just homers that are vanishing. Uggla has driven in just 3 runs this month (all on 8/10) and scored just 6 runs.

-Carlos Silva and Miguel Batista-Looking back, the Erik Bedard trade was bad. The signing of Richie Sexson was terrible. The mega contract given to singles hitter Ichiro was bordering on asinine. But the signing of Carlos Silva might have been the worst move ever made by the old regime in Seattle. 4 years/48 million dollars. For a guy who’s season high for strikeouts was 89 in 202 IP. For a guy who in four years as a starter was 2 games over .500 and had an ERA of 4.42. For a guy who has given up an average of 235 hits per year over the past four years! Year one of that golden parachute has produced a 4-14 record, 6.36 ERA, 1.55 WHIP, 59 K’s and 191 hits allowed in just 140 IP. That’s 3 million dollars for each win this season and $203,000 for each guy he struck out.

And let’s not forget about Miguel Batista, who, paired with Silva, could possibly form the worst pair of starters in HISTORY. Batista has somehow been actually worse than Silva. Both have 4 wins and Silva leads in the loss category 14 to 12. But Batista outdoes his mate in ERA and WHIP, with a 6.63 and a 1.92!!! Amazingly, it has taken Batista less than 100 IP to put up these gaudy numbers. Now you know exactly why the M’s sent Brandon Morrow back to the minors to learn how to be a starter.

-Roy Hallday-I admit, I was among the ones who thought Halladay might be on his way out of the elite pitching ranks. After seeing his ERA and WHIP rise significantly the last two years, I thought Doc’s best days might have been behind him. But he’s back this year with a vengeance and he’s a Cliff Lee relapse away from being the Cy Young favorite. 2.64 ERA, 1.04 WHIP, 14 wins and 8 complete games. Even the K’s are back up, on pace to crack 200 for just the second time in his career. For those of us who took Bedard and Verlander ahead of Roy are pretty bummed out.

-Jimmy Rollins-We knew it would be impossible to duplicate 2007, but this is getting so out of hand. Even factoring in the lost three weeks due to a sprained ankle, the numbers are worrisome. 30 home runs down to 8. .296 average down to .266. 94 RBI down to 42. And the most amazing: 139 runs down to 56! The steals are still there, 41 down to 31, but it’s the runs scored which made me do a double take. Reyes and Ramirez are holding up their ends of the bargain, but J-Roll seems like he just can’t keep up with the young guys.

-Matt Cain-Hasn’t given up a home run since June 4th. That’s 13 starts. If the Giants could get a lick of hitting and not thrown money down the toilet on guys like Aaron Rowand, they could ride Cain and Tim Lincecum to the top of the NL West. Either way, these two guys are both very young and very phenomenal.

-Randy Winn-Mr. Irrelevant, because nobody ever seems to want him on their squad. But over his last 21 games, Winn is hitting .434, with 13 RBI, 15 runs and 3 SB.

I’ve got to go. Luke just got his hand cut off by Vader. Maybe I can convince him to watch Jedi for a change. Check back later this week for some free fantasy football rankings.

YEA OR NAY FOR JULY 24TH

2008-07-24T11:51:00.001-07:00

I know this might come across wrong since it is being written by someone who despises the New York Yankees, but can the media please drop all this final year of Yankee Stadium hullabaloo?

It’s nothing but another baseball stadium and the fact that I have to hear about it every single night while watching ESPN makes me sick.

So it’s got a cemetery in centerfield…BIG DEAL. I’ve been to Yankee Stadium and there really isn’t anything special about it.

I can understand Yankee fans wanting all this coverage, but isn’t that what YES is for?

Where’s all the coverage on the last season at Shea? Don’t Mets fans watch ESPN too?

There is still three months worth of baseball to be played in the old house in the Bronx. You want to talk about it over the last couple of weeks? Fine with me.

But it’s only JULY! I may have to chop off my own ears by the time September rolls around if they keep going at their current rate of discussion.

I can see the Sporscenter lead on September 17th….’Who was the greatest groundskeeper in Yankee Stadium history? The PTI guys will debate that in just a few minutes.’

Get over yourselves, Yankee fans. If your stadium was so great, why are they tearing it down?

It reminds me of the old adage…if enough people say something is true, than it must be. There are more Yankee fans than any other team and they are all saying how stupefying this place is. So then everybody else seems to think that must be true and so on.

Well, I’m here to tell you it ain’t. Deal with it.

YEA: To the fact that we can legitimately start to talk football once again. Hallelujah!

YEA: To NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. I know Pete Rozelle was the guy who made the league what it is today, but Goodell is easily the best current commissioner in all the four major sports. He’s tough, decisive, and won’t take any bull. Goodell knows that this whole Brett Favre fiasco needs to be taken care of immediately, so he told the Packers to somehow, make it right, thus leading the Pack to start pursuing trades. Goodell pushes all the right buttons and will only make the NFL better.

NAY: To the NL West. Remember how terrible the Rockies were earlier this year? Well, they are still in it, thanks to the D-Backs and Dodgers sucking the life out of the sport.

NAY: To the revolting slob that is Andruw Jones. A lot of his struggles were blamed on a bum wheel, which landed him on the DL for a month and a half. July saw his return to action and voila! He still blows: 7 for 42, 0 homers, 4 RBI, 2 runs scored, 19 punch-outs.

YEA: From the in case you missed it file…The Rockies have recalled prospect Ian Stewart and have given him the full time gig at third base. And so far, he’s rocking it. Throw in the fact that in many leagues he also qualifies at second base and you’ve got a jewel in the making. Get on board.

YEA: To Robinson Cano. We’ve waited and waited and it seems the All-Star break might have woken his ass up: 12 for 23 since with five straight multi-hit games and two homers. Welcome.

NAY: To the Joe Blanton trade. I know Adrian Cardenas was never going to play in Philly thanks to Chase Utley blocking his way, but how was Blanton the best they could come up with? Is he that much better than JA Happ? Not from the looks of his first start in the NL. It’s nice to see them making an effort to win, but just once, I’d like to see them try to land the real big fish.

YEA: To the Rangers for making the wise decision and not benching rookie Chris Davis. Hank Blalock’s return meant the Rangers had to do something and instead of shipping Davis back to AAA, they told Blalock that he is going to play third base and like it. Davis already has 8 bombs and now knows it’s his job to lose.

YEA: On selling high on Chris Davis; just my opinion.

YEA: To Willie Bloomquist. Every year, Willie plays well in a part time role, never getting a shot to start. By the time the year is up, he ends up stealing a dozen bases, scoring a decent number of runs, based on his limited at-bats. Well, Seattle has decided to start Willie and he’s rewarding fantasy owners. Check this out: since he started playing regularly on June 15th, Willie is 28 for 82 (.341), with 6 steals and 15 runs scored. Sure he doesn’t drive in any runs, but the bonus is he is eligible at 2nd, 3rd, SS and OF. It’s guys like these that help you win in the end.

NAY: To Gary Matthews Jr. Another example of money not well spent. The Angels are stuck with him for a couple more years, but that doesn’t mean they are making the same mistake the Dodgers are with Andruw. Matthews is benched and won’t be starting anytime soon.

YEA: To Juan Rivera, the guy who has taken Matthews’ job. Rivera has always hit when healthy, so he’s worth a look in AL only for sure.

NAY: To Jon Rauch. There has been a lot of talk of current closers who might get traded, but Rauch wasn’t one of them. Surprise! Rauch is pretty much a waste right now, back to being a setup man, unless the wheels come off of Brandon Lyon. Joel Hanrahan has been named Rauch’s replacement in DC, but he has never closed before and he’s on a terrible team. Saves are saves, but caution: flammable.

YEA: To Blue Jays outfielder Adam Lind. He’s been on the radar for a long time now. He tears up AAA and then flames out in the majors. He’s been given another chance and this time he might actually stick. He’s 22 for 58 (.379) in July with 3 homers and 17 RBI.

NAY: While the entire world was out seeing The Dark Knight this past weekend, I was taking in Space Chimps. Kids suck.

YEA: To the WNBA. Did you know that there is a professional basketball league made up entirely of ‘women’? A one on one catfight is awesome. A five on five catfight would be a ratings bonanza. I think the Palace at Auburn Hills must have been built on an ancient Indian burial ground, because it brings out the worst in people.

NAY: To Jose Reyes. The dude is a scumbag and one day, somebody will have the balls to drill him in the head. When it happens, I will be happy.

YEA: To Jorge Posada putting off surgery and coming back to the Yankees. Because god knows, what the Yankees need right now is a beat up, broken down catcher who can only DH and when he does, won’t produce anyway. Good use of a roster spot.

YEA: To those of you who like independent films, check out one called ‘George Washington’. Made in 2000, it has nothing to do with our first President. Airing on IFC this month.

NAY: To draft day dilemmas. I’ll never understand how people can have problems with scheduling when it comes to drafts. It’s three hours of your life, yet it always causes drama. Mainly because guys don’t have the guts to stand up to their wives and tell them they won’t be home to watch the ‘Scrubs’ marathon.

With that being said, my first round of my fantasy football draft would look like this:

1. LaDanian Tomlinson
2. Joseph Addai
3. Brian Westbrook
4. Steven Jackson
5. Tom Brady
6. Adrian Peterson
7. Marion Barber III
8. Randy Moss
9. Ryan Grant
10. Marshawn Lynch

YEA OR NAY FOR JULY 11TH

2008-07-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

Oh my god, where has the time gone?!?! It’s been two weeks since I submitted an entry to the blogosphere and I really don’t know what happened.

I thought life would get easier once school was over and the kids were home. No more homework or T-Ball or Brownies.

Good lord was I wrong. It’s not that I don’t have the time, it’s that I don’t have the quiet that I require to write. It’s kind of hard formulating opinions and putting them on paper with two kids screaming at each other 90 percent of the day.

Who knew that two kids could fight for 4 days over a toy that came in a McDonald’s Happy Meal. 4 DAYS. I kid you not.

The odds of them both making it back to school in the fall are diminishing day by day. I just haven’t yet decided who will be the unlucky one. Give me time.

Anyway, we are just days from the All-Star Break, so I figured I would come up with some second half rankings. These are based on what guys will do from July 17th on. Wipe out what happened these first three months.

I’ve sorted them by position, but if you need to know, my number one guy to get for the second half is Jimmy Rollins. He’s basically done nothing but steal bases so far and I think he’ll have a massive second half. The power numbers will be there by the end, so buy in now if you can.

Catchers
1. Russell Martin
2. Brian McCann
3. Dioner Navarro
4. Geovany Soto
5. Victor Martinez
6. Chris Ianetta
7. Kurt Suzuki
8. Matt Clement
9. Joe Mauer
10. Bengie Molina
11. Yadier Molina
12. Ivan Rodriguez
13. Jorge Posada
14. Ramon Hernandez
15. Jarrod Salatalamacchia
16. Ryan Doumit
17. Jason Varitek
18. Miguel Olivo
19. David Ross
20. Jesus Flores

It’s a sad state when a guy who is still going to miss another month (V-Mart) ranks in the top five at his position. But catchers are terrible, especially in the AL. I-Rod, in case you missed, recently woke up and remembered it was a contract year. So if someone in your league tossed him, he’s worth picking up. And Kurt Suzuki is batting as well as Ichiro, over the past month.

I’ve always thought Joe Mauer is overrated. 4 home runs and 38 RBI from the 3 hole don’t impress me. Plus, he’s an injury risk. The way catchers wear down over the season, it’s always a good bet to take a chance on guys who haven’t played that much in the first half. Clement, Ianetta and Salty are prime examples.

I liked Chris Snyder a lot until he fractured a testicle. Good luck with that, Chris.

First Base

1. Albert Pujols
2. Mark Teixeira
3. Ryan Howard
4. Miguel Cabrera
5. Lance Berkman
6. David Ortiz
7. Prince Fielder
8. Derrek Lee
9. Justin Morneau
10. Mike Jacobs
11. Adrian Gonzalez
12. Carlos Pena
13. Conor Jackson
14. Paul Konerko
15. Adam LaRoche
16. Joey Votto
17. James Loney
18. Aubrey Huff
19. Kevin Youkilis
20. Casey Kotchman

In case you missed it, Cabrera and Howard have already turned it on in the past week. Too late to buy low on those studs.

It would be hard for Berkman to put up the same numbers in the second half, though he should come close. But .347-22-70 might be out of reach.

Konerko is traditionally a second half bomber, as is LaRoche and Teixeira.

Second Base
1. Robinson Cano
2. Chase Utley
3. Brandon Phillips
4. Ian Kinsler
5. Brian Roberts
6. Dan Uggla
7. Kelly Johnson
8. Placido Polanco
9. Dustin Pedroia
10. Rickie Weeks
11. Jeff Kent
12. Mark Ellis
13. Mark DeRosa
14. Chone Figgins
15. Alexi Ramirez
16. Howie Kendrick
17. Jose Lopez
18. Alexi Casilla
19. Orlando Hudson
20. Freddy Sanchez

I know guys like BJ Upton and Ryan Theriot qualify at 2B in most leagues, but I’m basing my rankings on primary positions. Like it or not, it’s my blog.

Anyway, I love Cano and Phillips. I also really think Kelly Johnson will have a strong second half as the air heats up in Atlanta.

I think Uggla and Kinsler will simmer down a bit….not enough to bottom out, but just not producing like they did early on. Two amazing stats from Kinsler: 81 runs scored (!) and 23 steals and only 1 caught stealing. Texas can mash, but…..

Third Base
1. Alex Rodriguez
2. Aramis Ramirez
3. David Wright
4. Carlos Guillen
5. Garrett Atkins
6. Adrian Beltre
7. Alex Gordon
8. Evan Longoria
9. Mike Lowell
10. Edwin Encarnacion
11. Chipper Jones
12. Kevin Kouzmanoff
13. Scott Rolen
14. Pedro Feliz
15. Troy Glaus
16. Casey Blake
17. Ryan Zimmerman
18. Jorge Cantu
19. Joe Crede
20. Mark Reynolds

Beltre, Kouzmanoff and Atkins have strong second half track records. If Beltre gets dealt to a more hitter friendly park, the boost could be even more signifigant.

Chipper will spend half the second half on the DL. Jorge Cantu will be on the waiver wire of most leagues come September.

Shortstop
1. Jimmy Rollins
2. Hanley Ramirez
3. Michael Young
4. Jose Reyes
5. Stephen Drew
6. Derek Jeter
7. Jhonny Peralta
8. Orlando Cabrera
9. Edgar Renteria
10. Yunel Escobar
11. JJ Hardy
12. Miguel Tejada
13. Ryan Theriot
14. Julio Lugo
15. Troy Tulowitzki
16. Khalil Greene
17. Yuniesky Betancourt
18. Bobby Crosby
19. Cristian Guzman
20. Jeff Keppinger

Boy, there sure are some awful starting shortstops in the majors. Injuries have hit this position particularly hard this year: Tulo, Furcal, Rollins, Jolbert Cabrera.

But I love Rollins, Young and Renteria going forward. Reyes is up and down and his whole season depends on whether the Mets ship sinks or swims. Hardy is on fire right now, but you know that won’t continue through October. Greene and Lugo have both been major busts. Hopefully, you’ve got one of the top guys. Otherwise, you are just out of luck.

Outfield
1. Carl Crawford
2. Ryan Braun
3. Matt Holliday
4. Grady Sizemore
5. Nick Markakis
6. BJ Upton
7. Carlos Beltran
8. Corey Hart
9. Curtis Granderson
10. Bobby Abreu
11. Josh Hamilton
12. Alex Rios
13. Carlos Lee
14. Manny Ramirez
15. Ichiro Suzuki
16. Alfonso Soriano
17. Pat Burrell
18. Jason Bay
19. Jose Guillen
20. Vlad Guerrero
21. Chris Young
22. Brad Hawpe
23. Carlos Quentin
24. Aaron Rowand
25. Magglio Ordonez
26. Adam Dunn
27. Torii Hunter
28. Hunter Pence
29. Jeff Francoeur
30. Carlos Gomez
31. Raul Ibanez
32. Jeremy Hermida
33. Chase Headley
34. Shane Victorino
35. Adam Jones
36. Delmon Young
37. Jermaine Dye
38. Nick Swisher
39. Josh Willingham
40. Ryan Ludwick
41. Milton Bradley
42. Mike Cameron
43. Kosuke Fukudome
44. David DeJesus
45. Jacoby Ellsbury
46. Matt Kemp
47. Rick Ankiel
48. Juan Pierre
49. JD Drew
50. Andruw Jones

Burrell, Francoeur, Markakis and Young have all been perennial second half mashers. I really think Delmon Young will figure it out and that Ordonez will come back strong.

Starting Pitchers

1. Johan Santana
2. CC Sabathia
3. John Lackey
4. Justin Verlander
5. Brandon Webb
6. Jake Peavy
7. Ben Sheets
8. Cole Hamels
9. Chad Billingsley
10. Matt Cain
11. Josh Beckett
12. Roy Halladay
13. Scott Kazmir
14. Tim Lincecum
15. Rich Harden
16. Dan Haren
17. Roy Oswalt
18. Tim Hudson
19. Edinson Volquez
20. Jeff Saunders
21. Carlos Zambrano
22. Felix Hernandez
23. Aaron Harang
24. James Shields
25. Shawn Marcum
26. Cliff Lee
27. Erik Bedard
28. AJ Burnett
29. Mark Buehrle
30. Ted Lilly
31. Javier Vazquez
32. John Danks
33. Adam Wainwright
34. Gil Meche
35. Chris Young
36. Derek Lowe
37. Daisuke Matsuzaka
38. Ervin Santana
39. Joba Chamberlain
40. Francisco Liriano
41. Zach Greinke
42. Jonathan Sanchez
43. Matt Garza
44. Clay Buchholz
45. Scott Olsen
46. Jared Weaver
47. Andy Pettitte
48. Kyle Lohse
49. Brett Myers
50. Ricky Nolasco

The injuries to Harang and Bedard make me hesitant, but if they just need rest and come back full bore, then they should be able to produce. Stick with them, for now.

I think Brett Myers will have a nice second half. It couldn’t be much worse. But you need to be patient. There is nothing physically wrong with him. Let him work out this stuff in the minors, then be rewarded.

And just like the All-Star team, no Mike Mussina and justifiably so.

Relief Pitchers
1. Brad Lidge
2. Jonathon Papelbon
3. Takashi Saito
4. Mariano Rivera
5. Joe Nathan
6. Billy Wagner
7. Frankie Rodriguez
8. BJ Ryan
9. Jose Valverde
10. Bobby Jenks
11. Joakim Soria
12. Kerry Wood
13. Jose Valverde
14. Trevor Hoffman
15. Francisco Cordero
16. Kevin Gregg
17. Huston Street
18. Jon Rauch
19. Jason Isringhausen
20. Brandon Lyon
21. Brian Wilson
22. Mike Gonzalez
23. CJ Wilson
24. Todd Jones
25. Solomon Torres
26. Damaso Marte
27. Brandon Morrow
28. George Sherrill
29. Taylor Buchholz
30. Masahide Kobayashi
31. Troy Percival

Easily the hardest position to grade, only because there are so many bullpens in flux right now.

Don’t expect Matt Capps back this year. And don’t expect JJ Putz to be closing much the last three months, either.

Tampa is playing great, but is Percival really going to hold up? While healthy, he’s the guy. But how about the other half of the time? Grant Balfour? Dan Wheeler? Too much anxiety for me.

Can you believe Todd Jones has 12 strikeouts…ON THE SEASON! Can you really rule out Rodney or Zumaya stepping in?

The shine was worn off of George Sherrill. Count me among the ones who waited too long to deal him away. He’s given up runs in 4 of his last 5 appearances and if anybody needs a few days off for the AS Break, it’s him.

With that taken care of, let’s get to this week’s Yea or Nay!

YEA: To Joba Chamberlain doing Dunkin Donuts commercials on the radio. That ranks up there with the great ad campaigns of all-time: Mickey Mantle for O’Douls, Steve Howe for DARE and Ricky Williams for Doritos.

NAY: To Dodgers hitters. You might want to sell now, because Donnie Baseball is back in town, ready to ruin another crop of young bats.

YEA: To Hiroki Kuroda. I picked him up as a flyer in my mixed league, based on two home starts this week. He rewards with a one hitter Monday night….encore on Saturday night? I say yes please.

NAY: To Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I actually liked the storyline…it was Indy I didn’t like. It took me all of five seconds to realize he was just too old for this movie. It made me weepy, thinking back to when he was a badass in Raiders. I don’t want to see my hero’s old and gray. It just makes me feel old and gray.

YEA: To Yankees announcer John Sterling, for reportedly scooping ice cream out of the container with his hand inside the press dining hall. ‘Now batting…first baseman….ooohh, is that rocky road?’(slurps fingers greedily). And I thought Suzyn Waldman was the biggest pig in the booth.

NAY: To this guy, for having a car full of porn. Who knew that was a crime? Randy, time to clean out your trunk.

YEA: To the fact Moises Alou’s latest injury might end his career. Mets fans finally have something to cheer about.

NAY: To any of you cromagnons who still say Scarlett Johansson is not the hottest thing on the face of the earth. I’ve been to CVS about 27 times this week and each time, I have to stare at this picture when I’m in line. I can’t even begin to tell you the thoughts that go through my head.

YEA: To my Edinson Volquez prediction. In his last three starts, his numbers add up to thus: 15.6 IP, 18 hits, 9 walks, 11 ER and most frightening of all, only 6 strikeouts.

Have a terrific weekend. Hopefully, none of your players will be participating in next week’s home run derby. And don’t get too caught up in all the media hype about the ‘holy shrine’ Yankee Stadium. I’ve been there. It’s a toilet.

DO NOT TRADE FOR EDINSON VOLQUEZ!!!!!

2008-06-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

After 19 years and over 50 leagues, I’ve finally started to feel burnt out on fantasy baseball.

I never thought the day would come, but in recent weeks that is how I’ve felt; thus, nary a blog for close to two weeks.

But luckily, I think I’m coming out of my funk and I’m ready to tackle the second half.

While the All-Star game is the ceremonial halfway mark of the season, the real halfway mark is this week. Hope you are ready to make a run.

As you can tell by the title, the main focus of today’s piece is Edinson Volquez and his league leading 1.71 ERA.

In fact, it’s not just Volquez who I’m going to focus on but also Justin Duscherer (1.99 ERA) and Cliff Lee (2.45 ERA).

Those are the top three in the majors in ERA as of today, Wednesday, June 25th. And, amazingly, those three also went undrafted in many a mixed league back in March.

So why do I say do not trade for Volquez, or Duscherer, or Lee?

One word: HISTORY.

The simple truth is that in this day and age of monster mashing, the sub 3 ERA is a dinosaur, reserved for the elite among the elite. From 2006-07, there were only 3 starting pitchers with ERA’s below 3.00. Peavy in ’07 and Santana and Oswalt (barely 2.98) in ’06.

If you think for one minute that Volquez, Lee or Duscherer are going to finish the season with ERA’s below 3, you are out of your mind. It will not happen.

Yet, I still see owners trading for these guys as if any of them actually had some kind of track record.

It’s just simple math. For any of these three to continue what they have done over the first three months would be a statistical anomaly, one that I would not be willing to bet on.

Exhibit A for the prosecution: statistics from the past seven seasons. Below are the league leaders in ERA at the midway point of the season, from 2001-07, followed by their second half numbers.

2007

Chris Young
1st half-2.00
2nd half-4.80

Jake Peavy
1st half-2.19
2nd half-2.93

Dan Haren
1st half-2.30
2nd half-4.15

2006

Francisco Liriano
1st half-1.33
2nd half-3.03

Josh Johnson
1st half-2.21
2nd half-4.16

Brandon Webb
1st half-2.65
2nd half-3.76

2005

Roger Clemens
1st half-1.48
2nd half-2.42

Roy Oswalt
1st half-2.39
2nd half-3.65

Dontrelle Willis
1st half-2.39
2nd half-2.91

2004

Ben Sheets
1st half-2.26
2nd half-3.17

Al Leiter
1st half-2.40
2nd half-4.02

Jake Peavy
1st half-2.43
2nd half-2.18

2003

Dontrelle Willis
1st half-2.08
2nd half-4.60

Esteban Loaiza
1st half-2.21
2nd half-3.84

Kevin Brown
1st half-2.30
2nd half-2.50

2002

Tom Glavine
1st half-2.27
2nd half-3.93

Woody Williams
1st half-2.35
2nd half-3.04 (just 5 games due to injury)

Derek Lowe
1st half-2.36
2nd half-2.83

2001

Pedro Martinez
1st half-2.26
2nd half-3.46 (just 3 games due to injury)

Greg Maddux
1st half-2.41
2nd half-3.82

John Burkett
1st half-2.49
2nd half-3.79

A couple things to note from the above.

1. Of the 21 pitchers listed above, only one saw his ERA actually go down in the second half…Peavy in 2004.

2. Of the 21, only 6 posted an ERA below 3 in their respective second halves.

3. Pitchers who stand out as anomalies (Al Leiter, John Burkett, Josh Johnson, Chris Young) all had severe flameouts in the second half. I would be more apt to compare Volquez, Lee and Duscherer to those four guys, before I would put them in the class of Clemens, Peavy and Kevin Brown.

In many instances, these league leaders had decent second halves. In 2008, an ERA below 4 almost always warrants fantasy consideration.

But the point I’m trying to make is that if you deal for Volquez and his miniscule ERA, don’t think that you are taking it with you. These three months of off the chart stats are gone. You are going to get the leftovers…more than likely an ERA around 3.50.

Is that horrible? Not at all. But keep that in mind when you are making a deal. Would you trade Chase Utley for a pitcher you know was going to post an ERA of 3.84? We all know the answer to that. Just beware. The numbers don’t lie.

P.S. In case you didn’t realize it, Chipper Jones ain’t going to hit .400 either. Just in case you really thought it was going to happen.

YEA OR NAY FOR JUNE 13TH

2008-06-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

It’s been a long time coming, but we finally got our first glimpse of ‘Celebrity Circus’ this week. In case you were among the billions who missed the show, here are some highlights:

The cast includes: Janet Evans, Christopher Knight, Stacey Dash, Rachel Hunter, Wee-Man from Jackass, Antonio Sabato Jr., and Blu Cantrell. The host is Joey Fatone.

Over/Under on names you recognize from the above paragraph: 3.5.

What might be the most horrifying is that ABC was working to create their own Circus of the Stars, but had to scrap it because NBC stole all the best talent.

Gone are the days when real, true celebrities would appear on such shows as Circus of the Stars and Battle of the Network Stars. As a kid, I actually remember looking forward to these programs.

Remember Barbi Benton flying through the air on the trapeze and being able to catch a quick glimpse of her talents?

How about Jamie Farr taming lions only using his nose and a feather boa?

And then, every teenage boys fantasy, the Landers’ sisters? I was always partial to Judy, who, oddly enough, went on to marry former Dodger Tom Niedenfuer.

Circus of the Stars was on every year from ’77 to ’94, which pretty much encompasses my entire childhood, thus the fond memories.

They even got Gil Gerard to do it one season! Buck Rogers himself!! But alas, no Twiki or Birdman.

This reincarnation blasphemes the name Circus of the Stars and should be called Circus of The People You Might Recognize But Just Can’t Figure Out Who They Are. I’m sad.

On to the Yea or Nay:

YEA: For the movie 'Meatballs'. I would like to start up a campaign that would mandate ‘Meatballs’ be shown at least once a day from June until September. The greatest camp movie ever, thanks to Bill Murray. This song just puts you in the mood.

NAY: To the movie ‘Strange Wilderness’. What a terrific cast and a great concept. Steve Zahn, Jonah Hill, Justin Long, Ernest Borgnine. I’ve seen a lot of movies and this might have been THE WORST EVER. I do not recommend.

YEA: To this statement…mark it down. Kevin Kolb will be the starting quarterback for your Philadelphia Eagles in game one of the regular season. I’m not saying YEA because it’s a good thing…I’m saying YEA because it will happen.

NAY: To this movie, one that I am not proud of. I wrote it in college during my senior year and at the time, thought it was amazing. But it isn’t and I’m not proud of it. Take 20 minutes and watch, if only for the debut of a young Gregg Ziliani. Also keep in mind that we were doing a lot of drugs at the time.

YEA: To Milton Bradley. He’s one crazy mofo, but I don’t blame him for wanting to tear up that announcer. Let it out Milton….and p.s. You might want to deal him now if you have him on your fantasy squad. Something bad is on the horizon, I can sense it.

NAY: To the Kobe/MJ comparisons. Can we finally put them to rest? Would MJ ever allow his team to lose a game like the Lakers did last night? Being unselfish and all is terrific Kobe, but sometimes you’ve got to be the man and put the team on your back. Kobe used to do that and got criticized for it. But he’s become brainwashed that he needs to share and that’s not always the case.

YEA: To Willie Randolph keeping his job. The only chance the Mets have of turning this ship around is Willie getting fired, so let’s keep him in as long as possible.

NAY: To Jay Bruce for MVP. That was a nice week you had.

YEA: To Jorge Cantu. Mea culpa, Jorge. I didn’t think you had it in you.

NAY: To the Nationals. Do you think anyone would notice if they packed their things and moved back to Montreal?

YEA: To Fred Lewis of the Giants. Brother is tearing it up! Check his stats and you’ll see what I’m saying.

YEA: To Ozzie Guillen. People are always complaining about coachspeak and bland press conferences (Andy Reid, come on down!), but Ozzie tells it like it is and nobody should complain about it.

NAY: To Victor Martinez. Now out 6-8 weeks. Some guys with more home runs than you: Chris Snelling, Corky Miller, Mike Rivera and Travis Denker. Some guys with more RBI than you: Rod Barajas, Marco Scutaro, John Bowker, and Jason Michaels.

YEA: To the Cardinals…really, Tony LaRussa. I know he’s a douche, but this team was not supposed to be any good. No Cris Carpenter, no Izzy, a banged up Pujols. Yet they still are cruising along with the second best record in the NL.

NAY: To trading Ken Griffey. Really, what would somebody give up for him? He’s Ken Griffey, not KEN GRIFFEY.

YEA: To Corey Hart, you’re atypical slow starter. I have him on none of my teams, though I tried, knowing he would turn things around, which he has. Hope you didn’t bail.

NAY: To Joe Blanton…or should we call him Joe Blandon. He does everything equally average. No K’s, never shuts down a team…he just goes out every five days, pitches 7 innings, gives up 3 or 4 runs and strikes out 3. Blechhh.

NAY: To Sidney Ponson. On a team with Milton Bradley, Ponson was considered the trouble maker. Says a lot.

YEA: To the Bears for cutting off Cedric Benson. It takes a lot for a team to bail on a first round pick, but if anybody deserved it, it was Cedric. He was lousy on the field, a scumbag off it and his teammates hate him. He’s got Dallas Cowboy written all over him.

NAY: To the Jair Jurjenns project. Hope you enjoyed the first month and a half, because the wheels have come off and he’s not wearing a seatbelt.

YEA: To Ryan Howard kicking it into gear. It better happen soon, or all of us Chase Utley owners are going to pay. Twice this week the Marlins intentionally walked Utley, preferring to pitch to Howard with the bases loaded as opposed to Utley with two men on. Heartbreaking.

YEA: To Troy Tulowitzki. He tore his quad off the bone only a month and a half ago and he’s already close to coming back. As an owner, I’m happy, but I’m also leery.

NAY: To expanding our fantasy football league from 10 to 12 owners. Figured I would use this forum to express my dissent.

YEA: To the new show on Nickelodeon ‘The Mighty B’. HI-LARIOUS is all I can say. It seems like all the good writers are going to cartoons, because they aren’t writing sitcoms. The B is more entertaining than 90 percent of the ‘grownup’ schlock airing on the networks. Did we really need a new ‘Password’?

NAY: To cats. They don’t make them like they used to. I thought I saw a mouse run across the floor late the other night. Our cat was sitting right next to me and he just looked at me as if to say ‘Are you going to get that?’

Story of my life.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY…LEAVE ME ALONE

2008-06-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

I’m here to pledge my devotion towards the revamping of Father’s Day.

We all know it’s a disgrace the way holidays like Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day and the rest have become commercialized.

But I think we still have a chance to salvage Father’s Day. The men of this country need to stand up and make themselves heard!

The people making these commercials are idiots. You know what? Take your ‘fun’ trip to Lowes and shove it. Since when does buying Dad some paint put a smile on his face? All it is is more work...but they try and make us think it’s a grand old time.

Try this next Mother’s Day. Tell your wife you are taking her for a fun filled trip to the Shop Rite, where she can buy all the food she wants and then come home and spend the rest of the day in the kitchen. Just try it, I dare you.

No dear, I don’t want to spend Father’s Day shopping for slacks at Men’s Wearhouse. It might sound like fun to you, but guess what? IT’S NOT YOUR DAY!!! IT’S MINE!

Here is what I want for Father’s Day weekend. Start off with a bottle of Captain Morgan’s and some drunk sex on Saturday night, a pound of scrapple in bed Sunday morning, 10 minutes with the kids where they give me their homemade cards, maybe round 2 with the wife and then LEAVE ME ALONE!

Sunday will be chockfull of great sports on TV…loads of baseball, the final round of the US Open, and the NBA Finals. I’ll get out of bed around dinner time and cook up some animal on the grill and then it’s on to the couch.

I don’t remember Father’s Day when I was a little kid and I’m pretty sure that’s because it wasn’t a big deal. My Pop didn’t want to spend the day replacing the grout in the shower or trimming hedges. He got his card in the morning and then spent the rest of the day in the bar.

At least I plan on staying home.

But if you have to give me a gift for Father’s Day, how about getting some of my fellow owner’s to actually listen to what comes out of their mouths. I’ve got two ridiculous examples, both of which entered my e-mail inbox this past week.

Ex. 1: NL only league, I offer Hiroki Kuroda for Rickie Weeks. This is a rotisserie league, 5x5 and the team with Weeks is near the bottom of the standings, mainly thanks to him having only 16 points out of a possible 50 in pitching.

If he deals Weeks, he can replace him in the lineup with Ronnie Belliard...adequate, not a total slob.

I wasn’t offended by the rejection…if you don’t like a guy, then you don’t like a guy.

What pissed me off was this owner saying: Ahh no...you’ve got to be kidding, right?

And then countering with an offer of Weeks for Chase Utley, saying this was about as fair as the deal I had offered.

I get what I deserve for allowing a first time ever owner into the league.

He gets what he deserved when Weeks goes on the DL two days later. Enjoy last place, jackass.

Ex. 2: AL only league, 5x5 head to head. I’m desperate at the corners, thanks to Big Papi going on the DL. I go against my better judgement and offer up Matt Garza for sack of poo Eric Chavez.

This guy needs starting pitching and Chavez is better than what I have right now, which is Jeff Larish...egads.

Anyway, the answer comes back no and again, I’m okay with the decision. But it’s the rationalization that I don’t get.

The owner says he isn’t adverse to dealing Chavez, but he wants a pitcher with more strikeouts and a better ERA and WHIP.

So, in essence, it sounds like he is holding out for CC Sabathia or Josh Beckett.

Good luck with that…And be sure to enjoy every one of those 10 home runs that Chavez is going to hit this year.

I’m not sure what happened in MLB this week, but the injury fairy is pissed and has come to collect. And if you are in a deep league, this is the best time to find some bargains. Lots of new guys earning some important playing time….here are some to target.

Brandon Morrow-We’ve all known something is wrong with Mariners closer JJ Putz, but it finally came to a head Wednesday when he left after one better, due to pain in his elbow. This could be serious and Morrow would be the clear cut choice to step in.

Chris Duncan-He’s got three weeks to show he belongs on the big league roster. He’ll hold down first base until Albert Pujols comes back. You know Duncan has power and if he can hit these next couple weeks, he could stick around as an outfielder.

Kelly Shoppach-I’ve always been a big fan of Shoppach and if Victor Martinez’ elbow is serious, then Shoppach would make a nice fill in. As a part timer, he’s got more home runs than V-Mart anyway, so if given a full time gig, he could be nice.

Reed Johnson/Jim Edmonds-Only in the deepest of leagues. Both these guys are pretty crummy, but they’ll both be able to start now that Alfonso Soriano is out for at least a month. We could also see the return of Felix Pie…yuck.

Marlon Anderson/Chris Aguila/Endy Chavez-With Ryan Church and Moises Alou both ailing, the Mets outfield is in distress. Fernando Tatis has reverted back to being Fernando Tatis, so that leaves some openings at Shea. Chavez and Anderson should get the majority of starts, but Aguila could easily unseat either with a little production.

Andy LaRoche-He’s been tearing it up in Triple A, but the Dodgers don’t have a set spot for him. LaRoche can play 1st, 2nd or 3rd and Joe Torre says he ‘will play against lefthanders’, so that guarantees at least a couple starts each week somewhere. He hit a home run in his first game up, so the time to grab him is now.

Armando Galaragga-I’ve been hyping him all year long and now his spot in the rotation is set in stone. Jeremy Bonderman is out for the year and Dontrelle Willis has turned into Rick Ankiel, the pitcher. The Tigers are scoring 6 runs a game when Armando starts, so he’s worth your time.

YEA OR NAY FOR JUNE 6TH

2008-06-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

Finally we are into June and tempers are flaring all over Major League Baseball, as well as in most fantasy leagues.

In case you missed it, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (they will always be the DEVIL Rays…why even bother trying to change the name) went off the deep end Thursday night, taking their frustrations out on the superior Red Sox.

In no way will I attempt to defend Coco Crisp….he is a douche. But the Devil Rays need to learn what being the bigger man is about. Crisp is a loudmouth punk and the Rays fell for his crap.

But can somebody please, just once, kick Jonny Gomes’ ass?

He punked Sandy Duncan in spring training, blindsiding him from right field. And this week, he drags his 300 pound lard ass off the bench and batters Coco Crisp while he is pinned to the ground by Dioner Navarro. Way to prove yourself Jonny…I can only assume all this rage is pent up from not having an ‘H’ in his name like every other Johnny on this planet.

The dumbest part of this whole thing was the fact that this was a pretty damn important game, as far as the AL East is concerned.

I can envision the pregame pep talk from manager Joe Madden.

‘Fellas, for the first time ever, we are real players in this division. You’ve got a shot of shocking the world this season. We win tonight and we are back in first place. But I think it will be better if we get our opening day starter tossed out for beaning little old Coco Crisp, and in essence, forfeiting the game. We’ll show them they can’t mess with us!’

And then how about Manny and Youk getting into it in the dugout. I really think Manny didn’t realize Youk was on his team and thought there was in intruder in the dugout. Where Manny comes from, there aren’t many bald white dudes with overgrown goatees. It was just natural instinct.

No matter how you shape it, it’s going to be an amazing summer in the AL East!

On to this week’s Yea or Nay:

YEA: To the Yankees and the whole Joba situation. I call it a YEA because I’m happy they are screwing it all up. What is to stop every single team from doing what the Blue Jays did….sitting on pitches and getting JC’s pitch count up, thus getting him out of the game early. That’s mistake number 1…not having done this in the pre-season. Mistake number 2 comes from not having a replacement for the second coming in the 7th and 8th innings. Kyle Farnsworth stinks, Yankee fans don’t even deny it. Mariano can’t pitch two innings like he used to. It’s nice to see panic back in the Bronx, without the looting and pillaging.

I also loved hearing the fact that Joba was always a chubby little kid. So, his father decided to name him Joba and he was fat. Thanks a lot dad…way to give your kid a built in complex.

NAY: To Trevor Hoffman. 3 blown saves and 4 losses in a little over 2 months…he is a big reason the Padres are where they are. Losing Peavy and Young doesn’t help either, but the Hoff better stash away that 7.5 million he’s earning this year, because he won’t be getting any more in the future. I traded for him after week 1 and the only thing saving me is the fact that I sent Nick Johnson to the other team.

YEA: To trading Dan Uggla. The dude is the bomb at second base, but those numbers are going to come back to earth and pretty soon. Teams are going to start pitching around the U, because Jorge Cantu is a whole heck of a lot worse. And if you think Uggla is going to hit .300 on the year, I hate to say it, but you are stupid.

NAY: To the new flick ‘Kung Fu Panda’. Really, it’s more a NAY for the movie theatres, only because my local one decided to have a premiere at 12:01 last night…the first time they could legally show it. Indiana Jones…sure. Sex and the City…okay. But Kung Fu Panda at 12:01 a.m.? DYFS should have an official on hand to see what kind of mongrels bring their kids out to see a movie at that time.

YEA: To the Mariners. Hard to give a team playing at a 21-39 clip a YEA, but the front office is doing what it can to shake the players up. No post game buffet…no hot tubs….no free time away from the media. It’s kind of like what happened in ‘Major League’, but for different reasons. The M’s are 15.5 games out of first place on June 6th…chances are this shakeup is too late, but I like the idea.

NAY: To Jason Giambi and his porno mustache. I understand you are hitting well and all, but the ‘stache and the thong have got to go.

NAY: To Matt Kemp, Kyle Farnsworth and all the other retards who appeal suspensions. Really, it’s Major League Baseball’s fault, for not hearing appeals instantly. But to basically allow these guys to decide when their suspensions begin is a joke. Don’t wait for these guys to come to New York to have a hearing. Have someone in a position where they can fly to wherever these guys are and have the appeal instantly.

YEA: To me for trading Rick Ankiel in both leagues, while he was still hot and had some value. He’s pretty much been a toad since the first two weeks of the year.

NAY: To my AL only team…It’s in deep, deep trouble. Papi, Sheffield both on the dl. Rios and Upton unable to hit for any power. Alexi Casilla has been my best player the last two weeks….frightening.

YEA: To my NL only team. Sorry to the rest of the guys in the league, but my team is unstoppable. Utley, Braun, Fielder, Dunn, Burrell, CB Young and now Pedro is back…plus Tulowitzki is coming back sooner than expected. 9 teams battling it out for second place.

YEA: To Rafael Soriano. Manny Acosta is a turd. Soriano is a really good pitcher, when healthy. He’s healthy.

YEA: Can’t believe I’m saying this, but to Adam Eaton. He hasn’t been horrible and the Phils score 9 runs a game. He’s a no doubter in NL only play and might warrant matchup consideration in mixed leagues.

NAY: To Erik Bedard. I just traded for you, you scumbag. Straighten up and fly right.

YEA: To Ian Stewart…if he’s not already, he will soon be second base eligible. He plays in Colorado and he’s got power to spare. It’s either him or Aaron Miles….who you going to pick?

NAY: To JR Towles. I missed the boat on you and now you are in the minors. Thanks for making me look stupid.

YEA: To Howie Kendrick. He’s back and he’s a mesmerizing 4 for 22 with 0 homers and 0 steals. Thanks for proving me right.

NAY: To all you suckers who are jumping on Devil Rays prospect David Price. 1-He’s putting the numbers up in SINGLE A! 2-The Devil Rays starting rotation doesn’t have an opening. Somebody actually picked him up recently in my very shallow mixed league. Waste of a quarter, Tom.

YEA: To John Smoltz and Jake Westbrook….see you guys in ’09.

NAY: To the fact that I saw my first fantasy football magazine in the bookstore the other day. BOOOO.

YEA: To the end of the T-Ball season….last game is Saturday and it was a blast….I loved every single minute of it. I’m working on the off-season regimen as we speak

APATHY, THOU HAST DEFEATED ME

2008-06-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

Apathy-(ap`uh-thee)-Lack of emotion: Lack of interest: Indifference.

There are lots of horrible things that can happen over the course of a fantasy baseball season. But if apathy comes home to roost, you may as well throw in the towel.

You can live with an owner or two who loses interest…but apathy is contagious and if you don’t nip it in the bud, it might be time to break it down.

Unlike fantasy football where you can fall off the face of the earth for 6 days and then reappear to set your lineup Sunday morn, baseball takes real commitment.

The reason rotisserie was invented in the first place was to give guys another excuse to sit around and talk baseball. If you are in a league where the majority of owners don’t even want to do that, then it’s time to blow it up.

I’ve reached that point in two of my leagues. My NL only and AL only leagues are populated by 10 owners, 9 of which participate in both.

Problem is, I just don’t get the feeling most of these guys even want to be in. That’s not a knock on the owners…if you aren’t into it, then you aren’t into it. But it certainly does suck and I am confident that unless I can find some new blood in 2009, these leagues won’t be in existence.

I’ve tried, really I have. Updating players on the trading block. Trash talking. Submitting trade offer after trade offer.

But consider in one league there is a trade offer on the table that was submitted on April 29th….there hasn’t even been a response to it by the owner. Not a rejection, not an approval, not a counter. NOTHING….IT JUST SITS THERE.

Reject it, please! You won’t hurt my feelings. At least I will know that you give a crap.

And how about one time, somebody send me a counter offer to a trade…as stupid as you want it to be. Offer me Luis Salazar for Ryan Braun…SHOW ME YOU CARE, AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT.

In my mixed league there are owners who send out 40 trade offers a week. 39 of them are ridiculous, but at least I know that they are actually enjoying themselves and trying to have others do the same. These are the guys that fantasy was made for.

The owner interaction in the distressed leagues is depressing. Even now, when cbssportsline has created a live chat right on the league site for owners to shoot the bull as games take place, nobody says nothing.

Maybe I’ll be proven wrong and things will change in the coming summer months.

To be honest, I had a gut feeling before the season began that these leagues could be going down this path. But I forged ahead anyway, mainly out of my own selfishness. I wanted to do an auction. I wanted to do an AL only head to head. So I guess I get what I deserved and I shouldn’t complain.

But it won’t happen again. Keep me in mind when you are putting together a fantasy league in the future. Don’t let this happen to you.

Chances are the Kimbo Slice fight was fixed this past Saturday night, I cannot deny. But it was still terrific television.

If you are like me, you grew up watching boxing. Remember when fights were actually on free TV on Saturday afternoons? How about Friday night fights on ESPN? Or even going to a friend’s house who had an illegal converter box and watching Mike Tyson when he was on HBO?

But the fact of the matter is that professional boxing has been ruined. Greed has taken over and fighters have their minds on the rematch before the current fight has even begun. I’m proud to say I have never given a single dime to Don King and I hope you can say the same. I don’t know if it will all ever come to light, but King is a truly horrible person who has ruined many, many lives.

So here comes MMA…mixed martial arts for those of you not in the know. The downfall of boxing has left a void and Elite XC is stepping in. There is still an audience out there who enjoy watching two people beat the pulp out of each other, without having to pay 80 bucks to see it.

CBS has realized this and last Saturday night, they aired a full card of bouts, to much glee in the McPherson household. At least, amongst the males over 30. (in other words, me…though, in people years, the cat is 67)

With characters ranging from the New York Badass to some guy who claims to have found Jesus and now likes to smash opponent’s skulls, the night was a success. Sure, there were some quick stoppages and some eye gouging, but all in all, I think it showed what it has to offer.

A ladies match was actually the best of the night. Gina Carano messed up Kaitlin Young over 2 rounds…but more importantly….Gina Carano is smoking hot!!! Plus, her day job is as American Gladiator Crush!

So she’s gorgeous and she can kick your ass. I know a lot of guys who would pay for that kind of action (Blum).

The biggie, though, was Kimbo Slice versus some British dude names James Thompson, who everyone says is basically a tomato can. Thompson entered the ring with a left ear the size of a small child’s head. It might as well of had a bullseye painted on it.

Drain that sucker!

But nobody was there to see Thompson…it was all about Kimbo.

You might know him from the youtube videos where he would beat the living tar out of guys in backyard brawls all over Florida. Kimbo has become an overnight sensation and EliteXC knows it. They signed him to be a marquee name, but it almost when all wrong on their biggest night.

Slice is a streetfighter, but to be successful in MMA, you need to know more than that. You need to know jujitsu and tae-kwan-do and all this other stuff. Kimbo knows how to hit people real hard in the face.

So when Thompson was laying a beat down on Slice in the second round, fight organizers probably could have used a diaper. Their biggest name was being taught a lesson.

But Thompson’s cauliflower ear would be his achilles heal and in round three, Kimbo popped that sucker. I let out a yelp as blood splattered from the Brit’s ear, but oh was it glorious!

The fight was stopped and Slice had survived. But I’m pretty sure he hadn’t been hit like that in a long time and his time in the XC might end up being short lived. Against a better fighter, Slice would have been meat.

But the important thing to consider is this: when was the last time anybody talked about a boxing card as much as this? It doesn’t happen, not anymore. If you didn’t watch, I suggest you tune in this Saturday night.

A buddy of mine, we’ll just call him Bryan, recently purchased the video game RockBand and it has consumed his entire being.

Suddenly, he has an alter ego. He’s purchased new clothes, some skull caps, and even talks with a British accent. The next time I see him, I expect him to have tattoos over half his body and a heroin addiction.

The funny thing is that of all people, Bryan is the last one I ever thought would get hooked on this game. I’ve known him for 15 years and in that time, he has purchased one CD….School House Rocks. Music has no real place in his life and suddenly, he is the drummer in a fictional rock band that practices in his living room. He’s invited me to his house to be the bass player, but who wants to be the bass player? Nobody likes the bass player.

I mentioned this movie before, but now it is on Comcast OnDemand….under free movies. Night of the Creeps. It won’t cost you a dime and you will thoroughly enjoy it…It stars Rusty from Vacation. Not Anthony Michael Hall, but the kid who played Rusty in Europe….when he made it with the German fraulein.(I’m sure that’s spelled wrong, but you know who I’m talking about)

Did I mention it’s FREE!!! What else are you going to watch now that Lost is done for the summer?

Say what you want about M Night Shama-lama-ding-dong and his movies, but he sure knows how to make an amazing trailer! ‘The Happening’ looks absolutely spooktacular, with people lying down in front of lawnmowers and jumping off of buildings. Totally cringeworthy.

It reminds me of that old TV commercial for ‘Worlds Most Extreme Video’s’ where they show a woman running to cross some tracks with a train coming….then they cut it right before she gets smashed to bits. You know her head erupted like a watermelon at a Gallagher concert, even though you didn’t see it. I viewed this commercial one time when I was 11 and I still have nightmares about it.

Back with a YEA or NAY on Friday….loads to talk about. Fat Joba, injured Papi, Dusty freakin’ Baker, Old John Smoltz and more.

Also, an FYI to those trying to leave comments. Do so without using vulagarities or they won’t get posted. Thanks.

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 30TH

2008-06-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone who may know me and they will be sure to tell you I know how to toot my own horn. I’ve always been a believer in giving credit when credit is due.

See: George Sherrill, Nate McLouth, Jorge Campillo and Josh Hamilton…actual quote from 3/21 “Hamilton will finish the season as a top 20 player overall.”

But today, I figured I would go the opposite way. There are plenty, well a couple of things I messed up on these first two months of the baseball season. Today, I’ll offer up my mea culpa.

Gary Sheffield-The big one, so I might as well get it out of the way. I wasted a third round draft pick on him in my mixed league, so it’s a wonder I’m still in first place. I took him before the likes of Ian Kinsler, Justin Morneau and Derek Lee. IDIOT!!

Derek Lee-Speak of the devil. I had Mr. Lee ranked 10th in my NL first baseman rankings.

Jon Rauch-“Some guys are just meant to be setup men.” Rauch is 11 for 13 in save opportunities and might not relinquish the role if and when Chad Cordero comes back.

Travis Hafner-“Hafner is going to be a monster this year.” He’s been a monster allright.

Manny Corpas-“I consider him a top 10 closer, if not a top 5.” Yeah, about that….

Ted Lilly-“He is an 11th round steal!” Yeah, I said that.

Lastings Milledge-“Milledge is a talent.” I then proceeded to spend 12 dollars on him in my NL only draft. OOOOFF!

Boof Bonser and Ubaldo Jimenez-Third year breakout pitchers!! Not quite.

Delmon Young-Round 5 of my AL only draft. Before Jim Thome, Alex Gordon, Josh Hamilton, Kevin Youkilis. For my efforts, ZERO HOME RUNS, tied with Victor Martinez (who, I must add, I didn’t touch in any of my leagues…toot toot)

On to the YEA OR NAY!

YEA: To CBS!!! Are you ready for some live, unadulterated EliteXC!!! On network TV! For the whole world to see!!! Kimbo Slice in your living room!! Saturday at 9:00!! Don’t put the kids to bed just yet!! “Johnny, have you ever seen a man get a lacerated spleen?”

NAY: To this guy. Talk about a blow to your ego. Deny it all he wants, this guy has to be embarrassed.

YEA: To the return of Eric Chavez!! All together now: ‘Who cares?’

NAY: To Cristian Guzman. The Guz is on pace for 200 hits and 100 runs scored. SELL SELL SELL SELL!!!!

YEA: To Hank Blalock, who is suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome in his wrist. We all know what he was doing with his free time while on the DL. You go Hank!

NAY: To Chris Young, the pitcher. Young still can’t taste food. He still has no sense of smell. He still has a crack in his skull, so doctors say there is still a chance for a brain infection. Think Albert Pujols hits the ball hard or what?

YEA: To Alexi Casilla. He’s not Lou Gehrig, but Nick Punto easily could be Wally Pipp. Casilla is probably available in your AL only league and he’s doing well.

NAY: To hottie Kristen Bell. Bell, who you might remember from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, says that she has saved her Catholic school uniform for 10 years and plans on whipping it out on her wedding night. I’m really regretting turning down her marriage proposal. Stupid!

YEA: To John Danks and Edinson Volquez. Think the Rangers wouldn’t mind having these two guys in their rotation as opposed to Sidney Ponson and Scott Feldman?

NAY: I wish the Phillies told me I wasn’t allowed to kiss my wife during a game. I would gladly oblige.

YEA: And finally, a really, really grandiose YEA to Harvey Korman, who passed away this week. Korman was one of the funniest men ever. You may remember him as Hedley Lamar in ‘Blazing Saddles’ or from the Carol Burnett show. His rapport with the equally great Tim Conway will never be matched. Do yourself a favor and rent ‘Blazing Saddles’ this weekend.

YEA OR NAY MAY 23

2008-05-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

I innocently happened upon a bit of a conundrum this past week while dropping my son off at his preschool.

While packing my son up to leave for the day, I had a mother of one of his classmates say hello to me. So, politely enough, I said hello back. Who knew one word could set off such a firestorm.

Here is the dialogue which followed, between me and my son.

Owen: Daddy, who did you say hi too?

Me: It was just Lucas’ mom.

Owen: Well don’t do that again. You aren’t allowed to talk to her.

Me: Why not?

Owen: Because she is a girl and you aren’t allowed to talk to girls.

Me: What about Mommy and Emma?

Owen: That’s it. Mommy and Emma. No other girls.

I was being cockblocked by a four year old.

Immediately, a number of things went through my mind.

Who was putting these things in my boys head?

Is he too young to be taught the rules of being a guy? Could he grasp bro’s before ho’s?

What if he knew something that I didn’t? Did his buddy Lucas tell him something in confidence, thus prompting the reaction?

“Hey Owen…my mom thinks your dad is hot!”

What if he has some kind of super psychic ability and he knew that the two of saying hi to each other was going to lead to some crazy, animalistic love tryst.

Or maybe she was just saying hi, he was being a four year old and I’ve got an overactive imagination.

Either way, I can’t remember how old I was when I had to learn the ways of dudedom, but I’m sure I wasn’t still learning my ABC’s.

I would also like to think that I didn’t cause my Grandpop to lose a chance at getting some on the side.

Whatever the case may be, I learned a valuable lesson that day.

Don’t count on a preschooler to be your wingman.

On to this week’s YEA or NAY.

YEA: To LaTroy Hawkins and Kyle Farnsworth. Glad to see that these two dimwits have bought into the idiocy that is Joe Girardi. Keep on throwing at guy’s heads fellas. You still are in last place.

NAY: To the Seattle Mariners. This team is all kinds of messed up and they had better turn it around right quick. 18-30 and falling deeper and deeper in the AL West basement. They tried to shake things up, dumping Brad Wilkerson and giving top prospect Jeff Clement a shot. Then, when he doesn’t come to the majors and hit 10 home runs in his first 50 at-bats, they act surprised and send him back down.

YEA: To trading for JJ Putz. The best closer in baseball last year can be had on the cheap right now. Prime time to steal him.

NAY: To A-Rod’s continuous string of meaningless homers. He hit number 321 this week. Keep up the good work Mr. MVP.

YEA: To Andruw Jones. He’s got some torn knee cartilage, but that will happen when you weight 300 pounds and try to play center field. I put this as a YEA because I recently bought stock in FatBurger and Mr. Jones is doing his part to bump that price up.

NAY: To Dusty Baker. You would think the Reds would have done some research and seen his history with burning out young pitchers. Why won’t they step in and put Dusty in his place when it comes to Edinson Volquez? The kid’s elbow is going to look like silly string by August if he keeps on getting forced to throw 100+ pitches each outing.

YEA: To me for trading Cliff Lee when his stock was at an all time high. It’s all downhill from here. I was able to package Lee and Derek Lee for Chase Utley and Alex Rios. Toot Toot.

NAY: To Gregor Blanco’s parents. Do you think they had some personal grudge against the letter ‘Y’?

YEA: To Jorge Campillo. Who? Jorge has found himself a spot in the Braves rotation, currently competing with future HOF’ers Jo Jo Reyes and Jeff Bennett. If you need a stopgap in your rotation, Campillo has been pitching lights out. It won’t continue for long, so take it while you can.

NAY: To the Brewers. If the Brew Crew would have just ponied up the cash for Francisco Cordero, they might be in first place today. Instead, their closer situation is a landfill and they’ve lost about 7 games in the 9th inning already this year. Turn those L’s into W’s and Milwaukee would be atop the NL Central.

YEA: To this tune. Ever since I heard it, I can’t get it out of my head.

NAY: To the fact that I had to run out to CVS the other night at midnight to purchase a tube of 8 Belles….I mean glue. (too soon?)

YEA: To dealing for Mark Teixeira. If anybody ever has shown a track record for heating up in the summer months, it’s Tex. Another guy who you should try to get your mitts on, before the bat catches fire.

NAY: On Garry Sheffield. When I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I will admit it. Sheff is cooked and doesn’t deserve to be owned in mixed leagues anymore. Time to face the music. The fact that Sheff is batting third in the Tigers lineup speaks volumes as to the problems in Detroit.

YEA: To my son Owen, who while he might not want his dad to make an impression on the ladies, he certainly has no problem making a name for himself. At my daughters most recent T-Ball game, Owen spent the entire time behind the girl’s bench, flirting and joking with the older women. Finally, as a coup de grace, he felt the potty calling him. But why walk to a port-a-john? O-Money whipped it out and whizzed right behind home plate. And if you’ve ever been around a four year old going pee, you know that their drawers don’t just get pulled down a little bit. They go down to their ankles, bringing out a full moon a few hours early. Classy to the end.

NAY: To me, again. I had the opportunity to protect Matt Kemp before the season started in my mixed league, but Joe Torre and his fabulous rotating outfield scared me off. Now, I wish I had kept him, as the cream is rising to the top.

YEA: To putting Willie Randolph out of his misery. The guy is overmatched.

NAY: To the NBA. I want to watch, I really do. I am using all my mojo to get those stinking Spurs and Pistons eliminated. But no matter what I do, they just won’t go away. And if you remember something I wrote a couple weeks ago…that the Celtics would eventually lose a home game and thus be cooked….than last nights loss to the Pistons should provide the death knell. I’ve still got the Lakers. Fingers crossed.

NAY: To the San Diego Padres. If there is one team that is in worse shape than the Mariners, it’s this one. Peavy and Young are down and out. They are 11 games out of first, scoring around 3.5 runs per game. Their starting outfield is made up of a 4 man rotation between Brian Giles, Scott Hairston, Jody Gerut and Paul McAnulty. Their outfield might not combine to hit as many home runs as Ryan Howard. George Bell, Lloyd Moseby and Jesse Barfield are rolling over in their graves. And still, in Triple A, Chase Headley toils away, waiting for the call. The team wants to wait until after June 1st, but by then, it might be too late.

YEA: To a sumo wrestling match between Dmitri Young and Ryan Howard. Somebody needs to make this happen. Jean Claude Van Damme could be the referee.

YEA: To our pic of the week. Have a great Memorial Day!!! I know these two will.

BETTER TO BURN OUT OR FADE AWAY

2008-05-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

Lost amongst the NBA lottery, American Idol mania and the return of Indiana Jones, the greatest fantasy catcher of all-time announced his retirement this week.

Not nearly enough was made of the announcement, probably because it was long overdue. But Mike Piazza took the art of hitting to a level never seen before by a major league catcher.

I’m not going to try to argue that he was the greatest all around catcher of all-time. His defense would never hold up in the debate. But for fear of being pistol whipped by old schoolers, I will say he was a better hitter than Johnny Bench and Yogi Berra, both first ballot Hall of Famers. The numbers:

Piazza-.308 lifetime average-427 HR(396 as a catcher)-1335 RBI
Bench-.267-389(327 as a catcher)-1376
Berra-.285-359-1430

So much for the leader of the Baseball Bunch. PWNED.

Consider that Piazza is just one of 12 players in the history of the game to finish with a .300+ average and 400 home runs. There is no argument.

Piazza certainly had his ups and downs throughout his 15 years, especially off the field. Once he became a New York Met, he seemed to become a lightning rod for controversy.

Being falsely outed by the New York press. Getting drilled in the head by a Roger Clemens fastball and then dodging the shard of bat that Clemens chucked at him during a fit of roid rage in the 2000 World Series. Allowing runner after runner to steal on him and refusing to make the move to first base. But Piazza withstood all the criticism.

Name me one other player who could pull off a fu manchu and a mullet at the same time?

Piazza’s stretch from 1995 to 2000 is plain stupid.

1995-32HR-93 RBI-.346 AVG
1996-36-105-.336
1997-40-124-.362
1998-32-111-.328
1999-40-124-.303
2000-38-113-.324

Bench reached 40 homers twice in his career, but only sniffed .300 in an injury plagued 1981 where he only played in 51 games.

Berra had a better batting average, but his single season high in homers was 30, which he did twice.

The six year numbers Piazza put up at the end of the millennium will stand up as the best ever for a catcher. I really, truly believe that.

Consider that in 2008, the top catcher taken in almost every league was Victor Martinez. Currently in his ‘prime’, V-Mart’s 2007 stats left fantasy owners drooling.

25-114-78-.301. Whoop de freakin’ doo.

But the reason I felt compelled to write about Piazza is because of the impact he had on fantasy baseball. In 1998, Piazza did something that no other catcher ever has and probably never will.

In 1998, Piazza was the first overall pick in many a fantasy draft. Take that Brook Fordyce.

There were other options, as there almost always are every year. Barry Bonds and Larry Walker were coming off sick years. So were Ken Griffey and Jeff Bagwell.

But when you take into account position scarcity, Piazza was the logical choice. Especially if you were in an NL only league, where you typically need two catchers. Heading into the year, Jason Kendall was the second rated catcher, coming off a sparkling 8-49-.294 season.

Piazza’s statistical anomaly made the Tom Lampkins and the Kirt Manwarings look all that more horrific.

Consider that in a 10 team league, 20 catchers need to be drafted. The 19th and 20th ranked catchers in 1998 were Tony Eusebio and Jesse Levis, who the year prior combined to hit 2 homers, 37 RBI and a steal.

So, by going back and seeing how ridiculous Piazza was compared to the rest of the catchers in the league, I decided to take it upon myself to put together the greatest fantasy lineup of the past 30 years.

The lineup is not based on career numbers, but on piecing together the 23 greatest single seasons of the past three decades, filling a typical fantasy lineup. 2 catchers, 1 first baseman, 1 second baseman, 1 third baseman, 1 shortstop, 1 middle infielder, 1 corner infielder, 5 outfielders, 1 designated hitter and 9 pitchers. I’ll break the pitchers down to 6 starters and 3 relievers.

Here is what I came up with along with the player’s relevant fantasy stats for that season: HR, RBI, RUNS, SB and BA for hitters. Wins, saves, ERA, WHIP and K’s for pitchers.

C1-1997 Mike Piazza-40-124-109-5-.362
Consider he did this in pitcher friendly Dodger Stadium. I’ll forgive him for just 5 stolen bases.

C2-1999-Ivan Rodriguez-35-113-116-25-.332
Two years after Piazza’s monster, I-Rod discovers steroids.

1B-1999-Jeff Bagwell-42-126-143-30-.304
You don’t really think of Bagwell as a basestealer, but 30 swipes from your first baseman pushes him over the edge.

2B-2002-Alfonso Soriano-39-102-128-41-.300
If only Sori stayed a second baseman…he’d be a top five pick every year.

3B-2007-Alex Rodriguez-54-156-143-24-.314
Wish he stole a few more, but it’s the 156 and 143 which are really amazing.

SS-1998-Alex Rodriguez-42-124-123-46-.310
He changed the position…not Nomar. Not Jeter. Before A-Rod, all shortstops were supposed to be Walt Weiss.

CM-1999-Chipper Jones-45-110-116-25-.319
Another guy you forget used to steal. Like him or not, Chipper is going to the HOF.

MI-1990-Ryne Sandberg-40-100-116-25-.306
Phillies trading Sandberg was worse than any deal Randy ever made.

OF1-1985-Rickey Henderson-24-72-146-80-.314
Rickey had about 5 years where he could have made this list, but 1985 was the most balanced.

OF2-1987-Eric Davis-37-100-120-50-.293
He could have been Ken Griffey, only he was too brittle. Considering Junior’s injury history, that says a lot.

OF3-1988-Jose Canseco-42-124-120-40-.307
So what if he is a self centered rat. In 1988, Jose was Superman.

OF4-1997-Larry Walker-49-130-143-33-.366
Bet you didn’t remember this amazing season. He deserved that MVP.

OF5-2001-Barry Bonds-73-137-129-13-.328
I despise him as much as you, but still…73 home runs. Come on.

DH-2000-Frank Thomas-43-143-115-1-.328
With apologies to David Ortiz, Paul Molitor and Edgar Martinez, this was the best year ever put forward by a DH.

SP1-1985-Doc Gooden-24-1.53-0.96-268
16 complete games…8 shutouts…only 13 home runs allowed over 276 IP. Brett Myers gave up that many last week.

SP2-1985-John Tudor-21-1.93-0.94-169
Overshadowed by Doc, Tudor actually tossed 10 shutouts in ’85. He’d never win more than 13 in a season ever again.

SP3-1986-Mike Scott-18-2.22-0.92-306
Everyone said he was cheating, scuffing the ball somehow. He burned out quick, but when he was good, he was GOOD.

SP4-1995-Greg Maddux-19-1.63-0.81-181
Never much of a K guy, but if you post a whip of .81 over 200 IP, I’ll learn to deal with it. ’95 was the last of his four straight Cy Young seasons and, in my opinion, his best.

SP5-1999-Pedro Martinez-23-2.07-0.92-313
While the league went homer crazy, Pedro stymied them all.

SP6-2001-Randy Johnson-21-2.49-1.01-372
I wonder if we will ever see anybody reach 300 K’s again. Unit almost got 400.

RP1-1983-Dan Quisenberry-45 saves-1.94-0.92-48
Back when relievers were men. Quis tossed 139 innings in ’83 and walked 11 batters.

RP2-1990-Dennis Eckersely-48-0.61-0.61-73
Tough to pick one year for Eck, he was so dominant from ’89-92. But in ’90, Eck was the greatest closer ever. 73IP, 5 earned runs, 4 walks. His ERA and WHIP were identical.

RP3-2003-Eric Gagne-55-1.20-0.71-137
Sure, he’s rotten now, but the goofy looking Canadian was untouchable in ’03, striking out every other batter he faced.

It’s amazing looking back at the numbers over the past 30 years. The ebb and flow of great hitters and pitchers. 1997 alone provided 4 of the greatest pitching performances ever, between Pedro, Curt Schilling, Randy Johnson and Roger Clemens.

Then, once 2002 rolled around, those amazing outputs were gone. Johan Santana is the only one who even came close to cracking this list as a starter from the past 7 years.

I also never realized how really great Dale Murphy was. Rickey Henderson stealing 130 bases in 1982, while getting caught 42 times!!! 172 attempts in one season! Most guys don’t even get on base that many times in a year.

Its performances like these that make us really enjoy fantasy baseball. Who will be the next 40-40 player? Who will be the next Ellis Burks to come out of nowhere and belt 40 homers and bat .344? Can any shortstop drive in 150 like Miguel Tejada did back in 2004? Will there ever be another Mike Piazza?

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 16TH

2008-05-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

If you aren’t a Mets fan, than you might not give a damn about what is going on within their clubhouse.

But the fact is, the Metropolitans are the poster child for the problem with professional sports, specifically Major League Baseball.

With the acquisition of Johan Santana, the Mets became the gold standard of the National League. They were everyone’s pick to win the East and were heavy favorites to make the World Series.

But there is a stench that simply will not vacate Shea. Some say that stench comes from female Met fans, but really, it comes from the specter of the ‘collapse of 2007’.

It’s easy for players to say that what happened in September of last year is a distant memory and this is a new season. But as we have seen in the first seven weeks of the season, last year’s disgrace will not go away.

The clubhouse seems to be a lost cause. Willie Randolph never came across as a very vocal leader. I think he had a quota of 5 words spoken per year when he was the second baseman for the Yankees.

Randolph might have a baseball pedigree, but with today’s athlete, that isn’t enough. If a manager cannot get through to his players and form a bond with them, than all the talent in the world won’t save the squad.

Example: Charlie Manuel is a retard. But the Phillies players love him and feel a kinship with him. They play hard for him. Much harder than they did for Larry Bowa.

Do you ever get the feeling that the Mets players feel some kind of bond with Randolph? That any of them would care if he was fired?

The Mets continue to make mental mistakes all over the field. The baserunning gaffes from yesterday are the perfect example. It’s not the first time these have happened and it won’t be the last.

I’ll assume that Randolph has tried to beat into their heads that these goofs are inexcusable. Yet, they continue to occur and that tells you one thing. Randolph’s words carry no weight.

I’m not trying to advocate the firing of Randolph. In fact, I abhor the way players need to coddled and cajoled into doing their job.

If you’re job is cleaning out septic tanks, I can understand if you are crabby about what you do. That guy deserves an extra pat on the back.

But when you are getting paid millions and millions of dollars, work just 2 to 3 hours per day and only 162 days out of the year, mental lapses are inexcusable.

I want to lose it when I hear a player say he lost his focus while on the basepaths and forgot how many outs there were. You only get three an inning! How hard is it to count to three?

On the day of a game, every hour leading up to the start is about those 9 innings. Finally, the time comes and if you are lucky, you get on base once, maybe twice a game. After hours of preparation and training, you finally get on and have a chance to make an impact on the game.

And then suddenly, you zone out? Your stomach growls and you start thinking about food? You start to wonder if it’s going to be nice for your off day next Monday?

Consider this. Based on his yearly salary, Jose Reyes earned over 36 thousand dollars for yesterday’s game. And in a 1-0 loss, he simply flaked out on the bases. Try that at your job and see what your boss does.

This is not a rant about player’s salaries. We all know they earn too much money, but if the money wasn’t there, they wouldn’t be getting it.

But with all that money comes added responsibility and scrutiny. Too many players want to take the coin and then bristle at any and all criticism.

Mets closer Billy Wagner is a loudmouth bore, along the lines of Curt Schilling. But Wagner’s rant following yesterday’s game was dead on.

The Mets lost a close game, one that Wagner wasn’t even involved in. But after the game, a number of players who did play a role in the loss conveniently disappeared when the media filled the locker room.

When reporters approached Wagner, he didn’t hesitate to call these guys out. Not because it was a tough loss, but because these guys have been pulling this type of stunt for a while now.

When the ship is going down, the rats are always the first to bail out. It happened last year during the Mets collapse and it is carrying over this year.

Why should Wagner be the one to talk to the press about Carlos Delgado’s game ending double play? Why should he be the one to talk about the baserunning mistakes? He was in the bullpen all day.

Because this is New York, these situations always get more hype. But it is a problem which permeates every clubhouse to some degree.

Players feel they are accountable to nobody, which is wrong on so many levels.

They are accountable to their teammates, something Wagner is trying to point out.

They are accountable to the press, because if it wasn’t for them, nobody would know who the heck they are.

They are accountable to the fans, because it is them who are paying their salary. Go ask professional soccer players in this country how they would act if they were able to sell out 162 games a year.

I felt compelled to write this only because I love the sport of baseball so much. I really can’t stand how things have changed over the past 20 years.

Players are a different breed and have become out of touch with the heart of the game. Instead of playing because they want to, too many are playing because they want to be rich.

I often thought it would be nice if someday, the economy of baseball just collapsed. Suddenly, the max salary a player can earn would be 50,000 a year. How many guys do you think would simply quit, because they weren’t earning enough?

The guys that stayed would be the ones that deserved our attention. I could come up with a list of guys that I know would retire on the spot.

I know this is supposed to be a fantasy column, but the goings on in the Mets locker room yesterday just got me riled up. On to this week’s YEA or NAY.

YEA: To Reds farmhand Jay Bruce. The 21 year old uber-prospect is on a ridiculous roll, creaming pitching in AAA. Over his last 10 games, Bruce is 22 for 36. That’s a .611 clip for those without a calculator. Unfortunately, Bruce can’t play centerfield, so the Reds are keeping him in the minors until Ken Griffey’s Alzheimers kicks in.

NAY: To all the weird saves coming out of the woodwork this week. Masa Kobayashi, Blaine Boyer, Jarrod Washburn. I hate saves.

YEA: To Blue Jays reliever Scott Downs. Somehow, Downs has 5 saves, despite BJ Ryan being the full time closer and Jeremy Accardo getting 4 saves in the early going. Downs has as many saves as Detroit’s Todd Jones, who has the job all to his lonesome.

NAY: To Livan Hernandez. The Twins opening day starter is 6-1, despite a fastball that averages only 84 miles per hour. That’s right, I said his FASTBALL.

YEA: To any of you who held onto CC Sabathia. I wish I would have traded for him.

NAY: To the Gatorade commercial starring Mia Hamm and her wife Nomar. The two of them are doing some stupid mini-bowling thing, so I’m supposed to want to run out and buy some Gatorade. Right.

YEA: To the Japanese film ‘Audition’. If you are a Netflix subscriber, queue it up. This film is disturbing on more levels than you can imagine, but you cannot take your eyes off it.

NAY: To the situation in Seattle. The Mariners are horrible and they had better turn things around quick, because the Angels and A’s aren’t letting up. How bad is it in the Pacific Northwest? In their 4-3 win over Texas earlier this week, the M’s came back from a 2 run deficit. It was their biggest comeback of the year. 2 runs.

YEA: To the Beverly Hills 90210 spinoff that is hitting the air next fall. You may not want to admit it, but you know you are excited.

NAY: To Brett Myers. This is the second straight week he has been on this list, but I need to add a caveat. Everyone keeps saying that Myers is screwed up because of his move to the bullpen last year. But I’d like to point out that before 2007, when Myers was strictly a starter, HE WAS NEVER THAT GOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE! His career best ERA is 3.72. He’s never won more than 14 games in a season. Everyone penciled Myers in to be an All-Star, but I think the expectations were just way too high. Is he better than he is pitching right now? Yes. But is he Cy Young material? Never has been.

YEA: To Jacoby Ellsbury. Considering the whole Coco Crisp dilemma, Ellsbury has played remarkably well and has set a pace for 56 steals and 116 runs scored.

NAY: To Michael Bourn. Now you know why the Phillies didn’t hesitate to trade him. 17 steals are allright, but he’s batting .180 and has scored a paltry 16 runs, despite having Carlos Lee, Lance Berkman and Miguel Tejada there to drive him in. Ed Wade strikes again!

YEA: To Pedro Feliz. Feliz hasn’t been terrific, but you need to watch him play. I kid you not, he swings at the first pitch every single time up. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It is really bizarre, in a fun way.

NAY: To Sarah Jessica Parker. I never got the whole ‘Sex in the City’ thing because SJP is PDU. Pretty Damn Ugly. The redhead is a lesbian. The other blonde is a grisly old cougar. And I could give or take on the brunette. Wouldn’t the show be more enjoyable if it was Jessica Biel, Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johanson, and Elisha Cuthbert?

YEA: To bailing out on trading for a while. I’m getting close to saying something that I will regret in one of my leagues, so I think it’s time I back off the owner interaction for a little while. I’ve created some lifelong enemies in the past with some things I’ve said in other leagues. But I like to think I’ve grown with old age and I don’t want Big Z to get mad at me for ruining his league. I’m doing this for you buddy!

YEA: To the Giambino!!! Speaking with doctors in the know, based on his current day size and frame, this picture had to have been taken when he was 11 years old. Our first pic of the week. Enjoy.

I’M SORRY BIG PAPI!!!

2008-05-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I, a lifelong Red Sox fan, dealt away David Ortiz in a blockbuster deal this past week.

Not that I am a religious person. I went to a formal church once in my life, when I was 8. I went with a friend of mine to his Catholic service, purely out of curiosity. Oddly enough, my friend went on to become a flaming homosexual, coincidence or not.

I felt like I needed to ask for some kind of forgiveness because I got a terrible sense of regret after making this deal. That’s usually a very bad sign and I usually won’t make a deal if I have that ‘feeling’.

But I wasn’t able to differentiate if I felt bad about the deal because of the deal in itself, or because I was trading away probably my favorite player in the game.

After some deep introspection, which involved some meditation and a heavy dose of Nyquil, I came to the realization that the deal was a good one for me, but I still miss my Papi.

We are now in week 7 of the regular season and in case you haven’t noticed, there are some bizarre anomalies statwise throughout the league.

Cliff Lee continues a ridiculous start, tossing another shutout on Monday night. Granted, the Blue Jays were in the midst of a 30 inning scoreless drought, but still.

In 7 starts, Lee has given up just 4 earned runs and walked just 4 batters. That’s over 53.6 innings. He has given up runs in just 2 of his 7 starts. 3 against Seattle and 1 against Oakland. In his 5 other games, he has given up zero!

It’s impossible for this to continue, but Lee is for real and a final ERA in the 2’s is very possible.

On the other side of the spectrum is everybody’s favorite punching bag Johnny Cueto. Since his breakout start on April 3rd, Cueto has pitched like you would expect a rookie lefty to pitch.

In week 2 of the year I trade Cueto, Ryan Howard, Gary Sheffield and Manny Corpas for Carl Crawford, Evan Longoria, Andruw Jones and Dontrelle Willis. Even though Jones and Willis suck, that deal still looks good on my end.

Expect Cueto to be sent down for some special seasoning if he keeps going down the toilet.

Trivia Time: What do Adam Dunn, Jim Thome, Jason Giambi and Kevin Mench all have in common?

Answer: They all have more stolen bases on the year than Derek Jeter. Ha-ha.

Jeter has been a complete fantasy bust, unless you have a thing for having Captains on your squad. More power to you. We all know how important it is to have a harmonious fantasy clubhouse.

Jeter is tied with Matt Cain and Willy Aybar in home runs, with 1. Nobody said rubbing it in wasn’t fun!

It also makes a Red Sox fan happy to hear Yankees and David Wells mentioned in the same breath. Since I heard the rumor, I’ve been saying a prayer every night for it to be true. Star light, star bright…

One of the greatest feelings in the world: picking a guy up at the last minute and having him produce right away.

I plucked Freddy Sanchez off the scrap heap on Monday, just seconds before the cutoff. Sanchez than proceeds to smack a three run double. To boot, it was off my opponent’s pitcher. Hooray me!

Vicente Padilla continues to tantalize fantasy owners, but I need to tell you to stay away!! Achtung…Vicente verboten!

Padilla is a two start pitcher this week and somebody in my mixed league inevitably picked him up. Vicente wasn’t terrible in his first start Monday, but he wasn’t great either. I promise he will get torched in his second start on Sunday versus Houston. Don’t be that guy.

My four year old keeps begging me to take him to see Speed Racer. I love taking the kids to the theatre, since it’s really the only time I get to go. But I’m trying to get him to change his mind….not because everyone says the movie is lousy. If I’ll take him to see ‘Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium’, I’ll take him to see anything.

The reason I don’t want to take him is because Speed Racer is 2 hours and 15 minutes long. The attention span of a 4 year old is on par with an adult howler monkey. 135 minutes in a theatre is not going to work. Maybe I can get Uncle John to take him.

But if you are interested in seeing a cool movie, mark down May 30th on your calendar and go see this.

Somebody on the Penguins needs to step in with regards to Sidney Crosby. I love the fact that hockey players uphold the tradition of not shaving throughout the duration of the playoffs.

But have you seen Crosby’s mustache? It’s one of those things you see on the 15 year old who hangs out in back of the 7-11. All he needs is some devastating acne and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. The ‘stache must go.

That being said, the Flyers don’t stand a chance. And I’m writing this before game 3 even starts. They look like a jumbled mess out there and the Penguins are just better.

I also need to say that Pittsburgh might have the ugliest chicks in the country. Have you seen the hobgoblins in the stands at these games?

Can’t they fly some hot chicks in from some other city to help those of us watching at home?

If they make the finals, I think the NHL should step in and make this happen.

I used to think that the NY football Giants had a monopoly on ugly chicks, but I guess they decided to share with the Penguins.

The NBA also needs to do something about their product. If we have another Spurs-Pistons final, I will shoot myself in the face.

And if someone has an answer as to the Celtics enigma, please let me know. The fact that this team flat out does not show up for road games is getting ridiculous. It’s not that they just lose on the road. They get destroyed and someone needs to be held accountable.

Eventually, they will lose a game at home. And when they do, I really don’t think they will be able to get even on the road.

Remember how everyone hemmed and hawed about how Minnesota never put enough talent around Kevin Garnett and that’s the reason the team never won. Poor KG. Well, maybe it wasn’t the supporting cast after all.

Southern Cal Athletic Director Mike Garrett needs to get the gate. The Reggie Bush was one thing, but OJ Mayo should never have even been allowed to step foot on that campus. The Trojans officially sold their soul when they brought him to their school. Hopefully the NCAA is consistent with doling out their penalties and don’t play favorites with USC.

In my NL only league, a trade just went through where one team got Reed Johnson and Randy Wolf, in exchange for Randy Winn. We’ll be holding a press conference on Thursday where both owners will detail the negotiations that went into this blockbuster.

Fernando Tatis is back in the bigs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was good when I was 8. I’m pretty sure he was originally drafted by the Seattle Pilots.

Hey Ziliani….have you seen the Megan Fox nudie pics? You’re favorite girl is showing off for you. Too bad she’s been tainted by Brian Austin Green. Yeah, the guy from 90210.

If you didn’t jump on a depressed Robinson Cano owner, I think it might be too late. His early season swoon looks like it’s over and we missed our chance to get him at a nice value.

I haven’t watched a single moment of American Idol, never have. But if that fruity little 16 year old dude wins, I think we should be ashamed as a nation.

I think a law should be passed that if you vote for somebody on American Idol and they win, you should be forced to purchase their CD when it comes out. And that will be the only album you can listen to for a full month. Maybe then some of these people will get some taste.

If you were wise enough to listen to me and trade for Ryan Braun, you can buy me a beer next time you see me.

This week’s target….Victor Martinez. A lot of people are playing up the fact that he hasn’t hit a home run yet. You do the same. The zero home runs to date just means more that he’ll hit for you once you deal for him. He should still hit 20 on the year and they could all be yours.

Ryan Howard just struck out again.

I miss you Big Papi.

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 9TH

2008-05-09T07:58:00.001-07:00

Being part of a fantasy league with people you are good friends with can be a slippery slope.

It’s obvious that you want to win, but you’ve often got to weigh that against friendships.
In a league with friends, I am less likely to do certain things as opposed to a league of acquaintances.

Case in point. About a month ago I was working on trading for Hanley Ramirez in one of my leagues. Hanley was currently owned by a good friend of mine and we had some preliminary discussions that really didn’t go anywhere.

Assuming the deal was dead, I stopped on the offers and was setting my sights elsewhere. But then, out of the blue, my friend threw back two offers last week that left me floored.

In both, he offered me Hanley, but for two separate packages…you be the judge.

Package #1: Hanley for Victor Martinez and Dan Haren.

Package #2: Hanley for Corey Patterson and Dan Haren.

Considering the fact that Corey Patterson was days away from being flat out jettisoned from my squad, offer number 2 seemed like a no brainer.

But before I could pull the trigger, I had a revelation. A moment of clarity, if you will.

I couldn’t live with myself if I accepted package number 2. I know that Corey Patterson is a bum and that his days in Cincinnati are dwindling. To even put him and V-Mart in the same class is a major blunder.

But I just couldn’t do it, for several reasons.

For one, if I did, this friend of mine would certainly face ridicule from other owners. I didn’t want that to happen.

Second, as someone who has been a commissioner for two decades, I know that you don’t want this type of trade to happen. Lopsided trades are the bane of every commissioner’s existence.

I have always been one hundred percent behind the notion that unless there is proof of collusion between two owners, no trade can be vetoed. If someone is dumb enough to give up David Wright for Pedro Feliz, than that’s life. It’s a tough lesson to learn, but that guy definitely won’t make that mistake again in the future. Not after he gets ripped a new one by everyone else in the league.

But even though I wouldn’t veto such a trade, it would make me upset as a commissioner. Only because I know it is going to cause headaches. Other owners are ticked because they were unable to be a part of such a lopsided deal. The owner who dealt Wright is upset because he’s got 9 or 10 owners threatening to burn down his house.

You will only have one guy who is not upset and that is the guy who got Wright. And pretty soon, you’ll have him complaining to you, because his life repeatedly is getting threatened by the rest of the league. Nobody wins. Especially the commish.

Lastly, if a trade like this went down, you often get labeled. Even though it wasn’t me who proposed the trade. If you pull off a trade like this, people don’t forget. And that makes it harder to make trades further down the line.

I remember about 7 or 8 years ago when a friend of mine trading Alex Rodriguez in the first week of the season. It didn’t look terrible, on paper, but by the time A-Rod got rolling around to an MVP season, the trade ended up being absolutely horrible. I think the owner actually changed his team name to ‘I Can’t Believe I Traded A-Rod’.

It can take years to get over a mistake like that. As the guy who got hosed, you are gun shy about making moves, for fear of it happening again. And as the owner who made out, people look at you as being shady. Somebody who can’t be trusted and who you can’t even consider dealing with.

As is, there were a couple owners who couldn’t believe Hanley got dealt for V-Mart and Haren. Imagine if I had pulled the trigger on the other? It’s just not worth it.

That being said…if you are in a league with simple acquaintances, you have to make that deal. Feelings be damned. If you and I aren’t ever going to see each other outside of our annual draft, I will do everything in my power to rob you blind.

I’ve been called lots of names by fellow owners in my years playing fantasy. I’ve also called other owners a number of names that can’t be printed here today. But hopefully, this example will prove to some of you that I do have a softer side. How can I rip off a close friend? Blum, on the other hand…

On to this week’s YEA or NAY. Enjoy.

YEA: To Dioner Navarro. A weird guy to start things off with, I know. But never let anyone tell you I don’t know how to toot my own horn. I loved Navarro before the season started. And despite spending two weeks on the DL with a fluke injury, Navarro is batting .368 with a home run and 10 RBI. He’s even been caught stealing twice…at least he’s trying. Consider: Pudge Rodriguez is batting .252 with 1 home run and 14 RBI. Unfortunately, he has spent no time on the DL.

NAY: To the Tigers. Jim Leyland says they are going to shake things up after getting swept by the Twins. So, they release Jacques Jones. Ooohh….that’s turning things on its ear. The Tigers promptly lose 3 of 4 at home to the Red Sox. I guess it’s time for another shakeup. Maybe this week, they’ll send Zach Miner to AAA. That will teach all you overpaid superstars not to mess around!

YEA: To trading Brandon Webb. I know he has been amazing, 8 wins in 8 starts. But the law of averages can’t keep up and you know it. If you keep holding on to him, his stock is only going to go down. Be happy that you got 8 of his eventual 20 wins and go take someone to the cleaners.

NAY: To the trade Quiggs made, which he commented on following one of my blogs a week ago. Sorry, but I have to give a thumbs down to the deal. In case you haven’t seen it, Quiggs dealt Ryan Braun and Matt Cain for David Ortiz and Greg Maddux. The thinking being that he had Edwin Encarnacion on his bench, who could be plugged in for Braun. I love Ortiz, but I love Braun more. Mainly, due to stolen bases. I even have a bet in place with a pal of mine that Ortiz will end the year with a higher batting average than Braun. It’s not even a question…Braun strikes out too much. But secondly, I’m a big Matt Cain fan. I think Cain to Maddux is a big drop. And the way Maddux has pitched of late, it’s starting to look like he might finally be feeling his age. Hope it works out, but if it were me, I probably would not have made the deal.

YEA: For me and what I wrote two weeks ago about Brett Myers. Something is wrong and it’s only getting worse. He proved that yesterday in Arizona. The game Saturday against the Giants doesn’t count because that isn’t a Major League lineup. If you had other options, I would consider sitting Myers until he figures it out.

NAY: To Richie Sexson. Dude is 6’8” and 240 pounds and when he charges the mound he’s got to throw his helmet at the pitcher? Get some balls.

NAY: While we’re on the matter, the Mariners as a team. After emptying out their farm system for Erik Bedard, the M’s were picked as favorites in the AL West. But they are no in full out freefall. They are 3-12 in their last 15 games. They scored 3 total runs in their three straight losses to the Rangers and the three headed monster that is Sidney Ponson, Vicente Padilla and Kason Gabbard. Forget the Tigers…this is the team that needs a shakeup. I’d say fire the manager, but nobody even knows who he is.

YEA: To the deal this past offseason between the Rangers and Reds that sent Edinson Volquez to Cincy and Josh Hamilton to Texas. Now that was a great deal for everybody. We need more of those.

YEA: To Carlos Gomez. He got drilled in the head earlier this week when trying to steal second base. When he comes back, he hits for the cycle. We should try that with Ryan Howard….have Cole Hamels just line up and drill him in the head.

NAY: To this weeks Survivor. In case you missed it, I can’t even put in words what happened. Let it be known that I had to leave the room when Erik did what he did. I was ashamed to be a man. On a related note, my 7 year old daughter has been making fun of this guy since the season began because his occupation is listed as ‘ice cream scooper.’ When your livelihood is being mocked by a first grader, you might want to reassess things.

YEA: To MTV’s Real World Hollywood. You would think by now they would have exhausted the pool of nut jobs, but the producers of this show continue to dig them up. God bless you.

NAY: To Kimmo Timmonen. Bloodclots come and go, but the Stanley Cup is forever. Suck it up.

YEA: To the new Speed Racer cartoon. In case you missed it, Chim Chim is now a robot monkey. Super sweet!!!

NAY: To ‘Made of Honor’. I told a friend of mine that I would not out him and the fact that he got sucked into the movie last week. You should be ashamed of yourself JM.

YEA: To Mt. Laurel Baseball Day at the Phillies last Saturday night. I actually got to walk my t-ball team on the field before the game. 3700 kids from Mt. Laurel baseball flooded the game and marched around the stadium.

NAY: To the security people at the game, for absolutely screaming at any kids who dared touch the grass on the field while they walked around the stadium. How much harm was going to be caused by some 8 year old reaching down and simply running his hand along the grass, which was in FOUL TERRITORY ANYWAY!!! These people need to get a clue.

YEA: To my daughter for not throwing up after the game. Two hot dogs, a cotton candy, half a bag of peanuts, a soft pretzel, some popcorn and an order of French fries.

NAY: To Khalil Greene. I never thought I would be able to hate anyone as much as I do you.

YEA: To Matt Capps. On Wednesday night, Capps gave up 3 hits, 1 run and recorded 3 outs. ON 8 PITCHES. You don’t see that everyday.

YEA: To Sidney Crosby pulling out one of his patented dives in the series against the Flyers. I want to see him try it….I dare you.

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 2ND

2008-05-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

This is not how it was supposed to happen! It just goes to show what happens when I draft a scumbag Yankee.

Phil Hughes, the darling of Columbus, has been a colossal bust in the bigs. Bring up all you want the game last year when Hughes had a no hitter going and then had to leave with an injury. But the guy who could have been the central piece for Johan Santana isn’t worth trading for Rafael Santana right now.

Hughes is now out until July with a broken rib. Last year, it was a hamstring that shut him down for a couple months. Yankee fans need to be shaking in their boots that they don’t have the next Rich Harden in their midst.

Hughes’ 6 starts this year were mortifying. 22 innings, 22 earned runs. 1 quality start, his first of the year.

Last year, Hughes made 13 starts and you know what I found out? HE WAS PRETTY CRUMMY THEN TOO! 36 earned runs in 72 innings pitched. Just 5 quality starts. 29 walks compared to 58 strikeouts. Pro-rate those walks over a full season (if he ever makes it through one) and you’re looking at close to 90 walks!

Hughes is just another prime example of the Yankee hype machine. Nobody is better at it than New York. It would just be nice if the rest of the league would finally wake up and get a clue.

Thanks for nothing, you overrated wannabe.

On to the Yea or Nay….I’m pretty riled up, so expect a lot of nays this week.

YEA: To Tampa, Oakland and the White Sox, your three division leaders in the American League as of May the second. Last year, these three teams combined to go 214-272, a combined 58 games under .500. As a Red Sox fan, Tampa legitimately has me worried, because their pitching is out of sight. And their ace, Scott Kazmir, has yet to even pitch.

NAY: To the Red Sox. 4 runs in their past 5 games. Getting shutout twice in a week. I know that despite this offensive drought they have won 2 of 5, but goodness do they look flat.

YEA: To Howie Kendrick. My pal Howie was supposed to come off the disabled list this past Tuesday. Well, it’s Friday and the Angels are now saying he isn’t even ready to go out on a rehab assignment. My hatred of you is 100 percent justified. It will be a cold day in Hades before I even consider having you on my team.

If you are the G.M., at what point do you just say ‘Dude, get your ass on the field!’

NAY: To the BCS. The powers that be decided this week that an NCAA football playoff isn’t in their best interest and the next time the idea could even possibly be revisited will be 2014. Instead, we are stuck with a mind numbing 34 bowl games this coming year. Think about it….68 teams will be participating in bowls this year. With the rule being that you need to be at or above .500 to qualify for a bowl, isn’t the day coming when there just aren’t enough teams that will reach that benchmark?

NAY: To all the dudity at the YMCA. I joined a couple months back and I just can’t get over all the male nakedness. I can understand if you want to take a shower at the gym. I’m all for hygiene and smelling nice for the gals at the senior center.

But what is it that makes these old wrinkly guys want to walk around the locker room flapping in the breeze? You have a towel in your hand!!! Don’t you realize you can wrap it around yourself and not subject me to your twigs and berries!!

And it’s almost always the 95 year old guy who is doing this. The guy who was around when the Y was invented. God bless you for getting out and being active at your age. I hope you live to be 130. BUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR PEANUTS!!!

YEA: To this guy here. I had this idea when I was 8, but never had the guts to try it.

YEA: To the Phillies bullpen. The reason the team is in first place in the East is not the offense, it’s the bullpen. Consider these numbers: Brad Lidge-13 IP, 0 Runs. Tom Gordon-(since his day one meltdown) 11 IP, 2 Runs. JC Romero-12.6 IP, 0 Runs. Rudy Seanez-10 IP, 1 Run.

Everyone was ready to run Gordo out of town after losing on opening day, but he has come around nicely. I can’t say it will be this way all year, but right now, the Phils are in lockdown if they head to the 7th with a lead.

NAY: To Troy Tulowitzki. First you don’t hit a lick for the opening month. Then you tear a quad. Needless to say, I own Troy in numerous leagues. Personally, I think he’s a faker.

YEA: To Ryan Braun. I told you to be patient and he’s starting to turn it up. I traded for him on Monday and since he has gone 7 for 13 with a home run and 7 RBI. Hooray me!

NAY: To the 76ers. Another prediction of mine come true. The Sixers stood up to the big bad Pistons, but eventually were rebuffed. Regardless of the outcome, you have to call this a good year. The team finally returned to the playoffs and young guys like Thaddeus Young, Rodney Carney and Louis Williams all look like players.

A couple notes before the Sixers head off into the sunset.

What to do with Andre Iguodola? The dude did not help himself in these playoffs. He’s talking like he wants a max contract, but can you really give all that money to a guy who averaged you 13 points in the playoffs? He’s only 24, so there actually could be room for him to improve. The team has a nice core of players. The Sixers have a lot of money to spend. I’m really torn on what they should do.

Second, I want to know how I can become Louis Amundson. In case you were unaware, Louis is a 76er. He’s a first year power forward out of UNLV, who appeared in 16 games this season. If you are a masochist and watched the entire game last night, Louis is the goofy white guy with the long brown hair tied up in a pony tail.

The reason I want to be him is this. Louis played in 16 games this year for a grand total of 63 minutes. Louis scored 18 points, grabbed 12 rebounds and committed 13 fouls. Louis earned $687,000 for this effort.

Consider that Louis played 22 of his minutes in two games in late November. That means that over the entire rest of the season, he ran up and down the court for a total of 41 minutes. I think I can do that.

I also think I could luck into a couple rebounds and I know I could commit 13 fouls. I also know I could do that for a lot less than $687,000. I could save the Sixers a cool half a million bucks. Throw $100,000 my way. Spend the money on better players and maybe I could even get myself a ring. I’m unselfish like that.

NAY: To JJ Putz. I don’t care what you say, something isn’t right with the dude. I had JJ last year and it was glorious. But this year, he hasn’t been the same. Consider that since he has come back from injury he has appeared in three games. He converted the first save, but has given up 5 runs in his next two appearances. The biggest worry would be the walks he is surrendering. He’s walked 5 guys in his last 3 innings. In all of 2007, Putz walked just 13 batters. You might want to consider selling while he still has most of his value.

YEA: To Carlos Beltran. Carlos celebrated his 31st birthday the other night, closing down a popular Spanish restaurant for the private affair. Attending the shindig in downtown Manhattan were fellow Mets JOSE REYES, CARLOS DELGADO, OLIVER PEREZ, SANDY ALOMAR JR., JOHAN SANTANA, ENDY CHAVEZ AND DAVID WRIGHT. Which of these is not like the other?

I have a feeling Wright was only invited to make sure there was someone there who would be able to hail a cab at the end of the night.

NAY: To Billy Ray Cyrus for answering Roger Clemens’ phone call. Bad parent.

YEA: To Jack Cust. I’m not a fan, please don’t place that label on me. But the fact of the matter is that there isn’t a single human being on this earth who is streakier than Jack Cust. And Cust is 7 for his last 14. Get ready.

NAY: To Nick Adenhart. It was good seeing you.

YEA: To the Mariners for finally wising up and promoting Jeff Clement and Wladimir Balentien. Both these young guys can smoke the ball and Kenji Johjima and Jose Vidro are stinking up the joint. Gutsy move releasing Brad Wilkerson outright, but this team needed to be shaken up. They are playing well below their capabilities.

NAY: To every starting pitcher not named Johan Santana who will be a free agent in the next two years. Barry Zito has officially screwed you over. Teams were leery of giving out massive contracts to pitchers before the Zito fiasco. Now, with the revelation that Zito can’t even reach 90 mph on the radar gun anymore, GM’s will be even more reluctant to hand out 100 million to free agent moundsmen.

Do you think the Giants will pick up his $18 million option for 2014?

YEA: To the Kentucky Derby. Trifecta: Big Brown-Denis of Cork-Pyro. Thank me later. Go make some money.

WHAT TO DO WITH THE LEAGUE IDIOT

2008-04-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

I don’t want to come across as a braggadocio, but I consider myself above average when it comes to baseball knowledge. If someone has a question about a player or a statistic, they will often call me first.

Now, no matter what kind of league you are in, be it baseball, football, hockey or Nascar (egads), there has to be a token idiot. If you are lucky, you might have multiple ones, thus increasing your chances of winning.

But is it better to have a guy who is a nincompoop or a guy who actually knows what he is doing?

Option A is to say ‘yes, I want as many dopes as possible in my league.’

But Option B, from a competitive standpoint, would be to have bragging rights over a league that was completely made up of aces.

In reality, if you are an everyday ‘joe’ like me, it’s almost impossible to be in a league that is idiot free. It’s hard enough piecing together a league as is. When you are a commissioner, you can’t be picky about who you let in.

You need 10 or 12 guys who you can depend on to show up at the draft. If they are dumber than Mario Manningham, god bless’em. Cross your fingers that their entrance fee clears and then set them loose on the rest of the league.

By the way, what are the chances that Mario drives to Shea Stadium for the Giants first game this fall? I guarantee you he has no idea that the Giants play in New Jersey.

If you are in a league and have yet been able to identify the idiot, here are 10 ways to flush him out.

1. If he mispronounces more than half of his picks on draft day and one of those picks was Randy Winn.
2. If he calls a player unproven because they’ve only hit 50 home runs once.
3. If he makes add/drops once a month and one of the guys he picks up is deceased.
4. If he wears a Yankees jersey or a batting helmet to your draft.
5. If he tries to draft Rick Ankiel as a pitcher.
6. If his fantasy rotation has 4 starters from the Rangers.
7. If his initials are RG.
8. If, at an auction, somebody brings up Johan Santana and he says ‘what position?’
9. If he giggles everytime somebody says Boof Bonser.
10. If he is ahead by 40 in saves and he still won’t trade a closer.

I’m not writing this to create enemies in any of my leagues. If you’ve been in a league with me, you know that I love everybody. You won’t find an owner easier to get along with.

And when it comes down to it, I think I would go with Option A. Who are we to say the dimwitted and the slow should not be allowed to participate in fantasy baseball? Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to suffer through an entire season with Tony Pena Jr. as your shortstop. They’ll learn. The hard way.

And if they don’t…if they come back next year and draft Tony Pena Jr. one more time? Have pity on them. Don’t laugh. Don’t chortle. Say ‘nice pick’ and say it with sincerity. Who cares if its round 4. Tony is a likable guy with solid glovework.

Then when you get home, you can make fun of him.

WEEK 5 JUNK!!

Let me start off by saying that I couldn’t trade for Brandon Phillips, no matter how hard I tried. If you remember, last Monday, I challenged you to go out and make a deal to get the 30-30 second baseman.

I knew he’d be coming around sooner or later and unfortunately, it was sooner. Phillips started hitting as soon as I wrote that article and his owners clamped down. Since I wrote that piece, Phillips has gone 9 for 28 with 4 homers, 8 RBI and a steal. ARRGHH!

This week, I’ve got a new target for you. A guy I just dealt for tonight. Ryan Braun. I was one of the ones who thought it was crazy to see Braun being drafted in the first round of mixed leagues this year. Now, if you want to show me someone who is unproven, it is him. With less than a full season of at-bats on his resume, some of the projections were completely unrealistic.

That being the case, those who did draft Braun are now majorly disenchanted and are ripe for the picking.

I picked up Braun tonight for Jeff Francoeur and Mark DeRosa. 35 and 25 are definitely possible for Braun and right now, he stands at 3 and 1. If he even remotely approaches those projections, that will be a sweet 5 months.

If you were able to get Phillips or are this week able to get Braun, leave a comment and let me know what you were able to get them for.

-I might be changing my mind when it comes to Roger Clemens and HGH. Maybe it wasn’t the drugs that rejuvenated his career, but the 15 year old on the side. Keep it classy Rajah!!!

-Is it just me or does that fact that Emil Brown has 25 RBI on April 29th kind of make you sick.

-If you are going to run, do it against San Diego. Padre catchers have thrown out 6 baserunners, in 30 attempts. That’s good news for Ryan Howard and Carlos Ruiz this week.

-If you are thinking about trading for Brandon Webb, make sure you don’t overpay. Webb has won 6 games already and in reality, what is the most he could win this year? If he won 22 it would be amazing. So that gives you 16 more wins over the next 5 months, max. I’m not saying he isn’t terrific, but just put those wins in perspective. When you deal for him, those 6 wins he already has doesn’t come with him.

-I told you Eric Gagne would be fine. Hope you didn’t abandon ship. He’ll have the rough outing once in a while, but he’ll still give you saves and Milwaukee is good.

-If you’ve still got Jack Cust in ANY league, I have to say ‘why?’ Cust hasn’t homered since the third game of the season and is striking out 42 percent of the time. There’s a reason he didn’t get his first big break until he was 28 years old.

-I realize it’s Armando Galarraga we are talking about, but can the Tigers afford to ship this guy out when Donrelle Willis comes back? All Galarraga has done is win, giving up just one homer in three starts, compiling a 1.50 ERA and a 0.72 WHIP. Willis will come back in the rotation, but Kenny Rogers or Nate Robertson might have to be the sacrificial lambs.

-Is there anything worse than having two starting pitchers going in the same game and then turning on ESPN and seeing the score is 8-7 in the 3rd inning?

-Angels prospect Brandon Wood seems like he has been around forever, but is still only 23. LA promoted Wood this week, but word is he’ll be sent back down when Howie ‘boo-boo’ Kendrick is activated off the dl this week. If you’ve got room, stash Wood on your bench. Kendrick will be hurt again soon enough.

-Daniel Cabrera-7 walks on Monday. If you bought in, I hope you are proud of yourself.

-The Yankees panicked and rushed A-Rod back from his pulled quad. Guess who’s going to miss more games this week?

-While Jorge Posada is visiting Dr. James Andrews about his injured shoulder, maybe he can ask the Doc to do something about those ridiculous ears.

-Nobody knows how to jump ship like Pat Riley. Miami can’t complain because they won a title, but good god did he leave them in dire straits.

-How amazingly easy is it to hate everything about the Montreal Candadiens? From their coaches (Guy Carbonneau and Kirk Muller), to their players (all very Russian or very French) to their fans (I know your city sucks, but save the celebrating for when it warrants it).

-Vicente Padilla threw a complete game shutout this weekend. Vicente Padilla.

-Cherry Hill’s own Adam Jasinski was crowned winner of Big Brother 9 on Sunday night. I admit that I look forward to that show more than any other. The reason? To see the reprehensible human beings they put together in a house, thus making the things I do seem not all that bad. Thanks for the ego boost, you horrible, horrible people (Sheila, Jen and Josh).

-Finally got ‘There Will Be Blood’ from Netflix. Between that, ‘I Am Legend’ and ‘No Country For Old Men’, I am drama’d out. Next up…’Boobs A Poppin’!

-Know what I’m looking forward to just as much as the Eagles next season? Rooting every single week against the Carolina Panthers. Come on 1-15!!

-I was off by one game regarding the Pistons. Listen, I’m rooting as hard as anyone, but deep down you’ve got to realize the Sixers just aren’t in the same league as this team. Also, I’m going to go out and buy a Reggie Evans jersey, so you guys better not go and trade him!

-Would there be anything more joyous then the Celtics getting knocked out by the Hawks? I really can’t believe it will happen, but WOW! Cross your fingers.

-Heading into his start Monday night, Jon Garland had 4 strikeouts in 29 innings pitched. It’s a contract year Jon, WAKE UP! (can you tell I have him in one of my leagues?)

-Before you give up on Carlos Delgado, remember he is always a slow starter. ALWAYS!

-If you’ve got Brett Myers, I would be concerned. His velocity is down and that could mean only one thing. You might want to consider dealing him before someone realizes there is a problem. Phillies fans are pretty gullible.

I’ll talk to you all Friday when the Flyers will be up 3-1 and the Sixers will be eliminated.

YEA OR NAY FOR APRIL 25TH

2008-04-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

So the other night, I’m sitting and watching the masterpiece that is ‘Robocop’ when a number of pertinent questions pop into my head.

Why is the dad from ‘That 70’s Show’ cast as the lead bad guy/cop killer? Funny thing is, he’s scarier on the TV show than he is as a drug dealing sociopath.

How can only one police officer in the entire department realize that Robocop is their former partner Officer Murphy? Even I can tell and I never worked with the guy.

How can the evil company OCP build a billion dollar robot that is supposed to catch criminals, but neglect to design it so it can walk down stairs? Seriously, I could get away from that thing and I’m slower than Steve Balboni.

If I drove my truck into a vat of toxic waste, would I turn into a mutant zombie like happened to the one bad guy? I’m oddly tempted to try it and find out.

Can you believe that they actually made 2 sequels to the original and the third installment had more famous people in it than the first two? Rip Torn, Jeff Garlin, Bradley Whitford and Jill Hennessy. Shame on you all. You should all have your SAG cards pulled.

Loads of fantasy stuff to get to. I just had to get that off my chest.

YEA: Holy cow, what the heck happened to Cliff Lee. I’m sure you know he has gotten off to a hot start, but you might not realize just how hot. Check out these numbers: 4 starts, 4 wins, 31 2/3 IP, 11 hits, 2 walks, 1 earned run, 29 strikeouts. His ERA stands at 0.28, his WHIP 0.41. Words cannot describe how amazing he has been.

NAY: To Ryan Howard. Tim Kurkjian came out with an amazing stat the other day. Ryan Howard is on pace to strike out more times in April than Joe DiMaggio ever did over an entire season. Joe D’s high was 39 strikeouts in one year. Ryan Howard has struck out 32 times already this month, with 5 games to go.

YEA: To Manny Acosta. Acosta has been lights out since being anointed Braves closer. The move, of course, was by default due to Rafael Soriano’s injury. But if he keeps this up, maybe he’ll keep the job. Soriano has never been a full time closer and he might be better suited to be the setup guy. Plus, his injury history is a long one.

NAY: To Alex Gordon’s neck. Have you seen his snapshot? His neck is wider than his head. If you don’t believe me, take a look for yourself.

YEA: To CC Sabathia. Congrats on getting your first win of the year! All it took was an outing against the Royals and your lineup scoring 15 runs, but a win is a win. Amazing how some guys flourish when facing free agency while others flounder. Sabathia stands to make tens of millions of dollars this offseason. But after the Barry Zito debacle, teams are going to make sure they’ve got a sure thing before they throw that kind of money at a pitcher. Each poor start by CC cuts into his potential earnings.

NAY: To Kenny Rogers. If you’re team scores 19 runs for you, you’ve got to get the win. If you’ve still got Rogers on your fantasy squad, you are kidding yourself. He’s cooked.

YEA: To leagues with single game eligibility. If you are in such a league and own Albert Pujols, you are very happy this week. Albert played an inning at second base the other night and I know I could sure live with a second sacker who will hit .330-40-120.

NAY: To Delmon Young. Is it just me or does this guy just seem to do a whole lot of nothing?

YEA: To Pac-Man Jones. It’s a great week to be a Cowboys hater. Am I the only one who sees an eerie resemblance between Pac-Man and Jerry Jones? Crazy eyes, a penchant for strip clubs, both absolutely reprehensible human beings, same last name. Can you say ‘lovechild’?

NAY: To Franklin Gutierrez. On opening day, Franklin homered and drove in 3. Since, he has hit zero homers and driven in just 5.

YEA: To the new ‘Speedracer’ movie. It looks like it was directed by an epileptic on a tilt a whirl. Hooray!

NAY: To last year’s rookie trio of Hunter Pence, Troy Tulowitzki and Ryan Braun. Sophomore slumps or has the book been written on them? They’ve combined this month to hit 5 homers and drive in 33, roughly the equivalent of Pat Burrell.

YEA: Speak of the devil. Since last year’s All-Star Break, Burrell has gone 27-85, with an OPS of 1.21. Wow.

NAY: To those who say Burlington County is in the styx. Sure, we’ve got some cops who like to have sex with cows, but that doesn’t make us hillbillies. Don’t stereotype.

YEA: To the NFL draft. I don’t care what some of these critics say, I love the draft. I look forward to it each year. Even more so this year, since they cut down the time to make picks in the first round. There’s a whole lot of talk this year about the Eagles making some major moves this weekend. Let’s hope it happens, because as is, this team is not a Super Bowl contender. Sounds like Lito might be heading to Tampa Bay.

NAY: To the Montreal Canadiens. As if I needed another reason to despise French Canadians. How conceited do you have to be to choose to speak your own language, opposed to the rest of your country? Imagine if South Dakota just one day decided they were going to change their official language to Portuguese. That’s Quebec for you. They just like to be difficult. The fact that the city went into full fledged riot mode after the team won the ‘FIRST ROUND’ tells you all you need to know. I can’t wait to squash their hopes and dreams.

YEA: To the Madden Curse. In case you haven’t heard, Brett Favre is going to be on the cover of Madden ’09. It will be interesting to see what happens to Favre if he stays retired. The curse doesn’t know if he’s playing or not. Something bad is due to happen. Also, in case you missed it, Favre was on Letterman last night and hinted once again that he will be back on the field come this fall. Loser.

NAY: To the Flyers and their late game collapses. They’ve been doing it all year long, giving up goals in the final minutes. They did it against the Caps and they did it again in game one versus Les Habitants. Painful.

YEA: To the new Harold and Kumar movie. Go see it.

YEA: To last nights ‘Lost’ episode. I actually yelled out loud when they killed Ben’s daughter, point blank. That doesn’t happen in other shows. They tease you saying they are going to kill someone, but nobody ever dies. But not on the island. People die all the time and IT’S AWESOME!

NAY: To the Pistons. Am I the only who is dreading the possibility of another Spurs-Pistons final? I really don’t think the Pistons will lose another game until they get to the Celtics in the Eastern Finals. The Sixers are over…accept it.

YEA: To Yankees fans. I just watched ‘61’ again the other day. Basically, it was a sob story for Roger Maris and the hardships he went through on his way to breaking Babe Ruth’s single season home run record. But am I dumb or wasn’t it the moronic Yankee fans who put him through the ringer? The movie extols Maris and all that he did, making Yankee fans wax nostalgic. But really, it just showed what a bunch of d-bags Yankee fans really are.

YEA: To Marvin Lewis. As much as I’d love to see Chad Johnson in Eagles green, it’s refreshing to see a coach put a player in his place. Go ahead and hold out Chad. The gauntlet has officially been thrown.

Lastly, just to prove how much of a dolt I am, I’m posting my predictions for the first round of tomorrow’s NFL draft. Feel free to submit your own….make a drinking game out of it. If I get 5 of these right I’ll be happy.

1. Miami-Jake Long-Pretty sure I got this one
2. New Orleans-Glenn Dorsey-Saints desparate to trade up to 2
3. Atlanta-Matt Ryan-Everyone says Ryan to Ravens, but Falcons need QB too
4. Oakland-Chris Long-Poor kid
5. Kansas City-Ryan Clady-KC needs to run to win
6. NY Jets-Darren McFadden-Single ladies in NY be warned
7. New England-Vernon Gholston-Pats don’t really need help on offense
8. Baltimore-Branden Albert-Jonathon Ogden successor
9. Cincinnatti- Sedrick Ellis-Bengals pray he falls to 9
10. St. Louis-Derrick Harvey-Rams need to get some sacks
11. Buffalo-Devin Thomas-Pick seems to easy
12. Denver-Jeff Otah-Old O-line needs new blood
13. Carolina-Keith Rivers-USC guys usually overrated
14. Chicago-Chris Williams-O-lineman going like hotcakes
15. Detroit-Leodis McKelvin-Lions have lots of holes
16. Arizona-Dominique-Rogers-Cromartie-DB run
17. Kansas City-Mike Jenkings-Run continues
18. Houston-Rashard Mendenhall-A top RB could put Texans in playoffs
19. Philadelphia-Kenny Phillips-B-Dawk in training
20. Tampa Bay-DeSean Jackson-Just makes sense to go WR
21. Washington-Philip Merling-Pass rush a necessity in DC
22. Dallas-Felix Jones-The other Arkansas RB
23. Pittsburgh-Dan Connor-PSU alum stays in state
24. Tennessee-Aqib Talib-Pac-Man replacement
25. Seattle-Johnathan Stewart-Julius Jones stinks
26. Jacksonville-Antoine Cason-Should start right away
27. San Diego-Malcolm Kelly-Chargers need to win now
28. Dallas-Limas Sweed-Bye-bye Terry Glenn
29. San Francisco-Kentwan Balmer-A bargain if still on the board
30. Green Bay-Jerrod Mayo-Good young defense gets better
31. NY Giants-Keith Rivers-LB help desperately needed

WEEK 4-WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

2008-04-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

If week 4 is as good to me as week 3 was, then I’ll be a very happy man.

Week 3-Mixed league H2H-I won 8-1-1, losing the only category Sunday night thanks to Brad Lidge. Tom has Jerry. Bugs has Elmer Fudd. Randy has tiny ankles. I’ve got Brad Lidge. He will follow me to my grave. I hate you.

Week 3-AL only H2H-I won 7-2-1, despite having an ERA over 5 and a WHIP hovering near 1.6. Hitting was the key and my boys did it.

My T-ball girls are 3-0!! Even though we don’t keep score, I know we would have kicked some 7 year old ass if we did. I’ve got a couple of mashers!

I kind of felt like Buttermaker from the original Bad News Bears this past Saturday morning. Not because I was coaching Kelly Leake, but because I was pretty hungover when the game got underway. These early morning games are for the birds.

Chances are, by the time you read this, week 4 will have already gotten underway. That’s because today is the annual Patriots Day game in Boston, when the Sox have their first pitch at 11:05 AM. So if you slept in, tough luck.

There are lots of guys coming back from the DL this week and they should all be reinserted into your lineup ASAP. Curtis Granderson, Scott Rolen and Dioner Navarro all are expected back by Tuesday or Wednesday.

One guy we don’t know about is Ben Sheets. Sheets left his game early last week with triceps soreness. Any other year, this would mean a DL stint. But 2008 is different. 2008 is contract year for Mr. Sheets and I think he’ll find a way to fight through the pain. Prove to everyone that he is different. That he is durable. That he can in fact suck it up and behave like a true ace. Of course, if this happens next year, after he gets his big contract, he’ll be put on the DL before he leaves the mound.

For those of you who listened to me about Jair Jurjenns, congratulations. For those of you who didn’t, ha-ha.

Nice to see Hank the Wank doing everything he can to make the Yankees all about him. Hank has taken it upon himself to mandate that Joba Chamberlain be moved out of the bullpen and into the rotation. It’s sad to think that George Steinbrenner is the rational one right now and he’s a vegetable. I’ll bet nobody throws a temper tantrum like Hankie.

“Why won’t you people listen to me? I played little league! You are so fired when my dad hears about this! Mom, make me a sandwich! And don’t forget to cut off the crusts this time or you are so fired! Get me Cashman on the phone….he is so fired! And somebody tell A-Rod that he needs to hit more home runs. How hard can it be? Hit a home run and I win! Simple. And tell Suzyn Waldman that Hankie is in the mood for a spanky. Same time, same place. Where’s that sandwich?”

I used to feel sorry for Brian Cashman, until he had a chance to get out of New York, but decided to re-up. He probably saw George going down the tubes and thought this would be his chance to really run the Yankees. But then here comes Little Hank!! Sorry B-Cash, but there’s a new jackass in town!

Kosuke Fukudome missed a game yesterday because he had a third eye develop in the middle of his forehead. Reports are that Lou Pinella plans on cutting it out and giving it to Felix Pie, because his eyes obviously don’t work.

Several Red Sox notes, so hold on tight.

Big Papi is hitting. If you were silly enough to bail on him, you get what you deserve.

An interesting battle is taking place in the Sox infield, though you might not know it. Jed Lowrie has been called up and is playing third base for the injured Mike Lowell. This does several things.

First, it proves my point that Sean Casey is persona non grata, especially in fantasy. He hasn’t been relevant since 1999, and that’s being generous.

Second, Lowrie is a shortstop. Lowrie has from now until when Lowell returns to outplay Julio Lugo. If he does, the Sox just might move Lowrie to short and move Lugo to the bench. Julio has been pretty awful so far, especially in the field, so Lowrie has a golden opportunity in front of him.

Third, keep the faith with Clay Buchholz. His first three starts have come against the Yankees and the Blue Jays, two lineups which can mash, especially right handers. Buchholz has terrific stuff, but a lot of people seem to have soured on him based on his so-so first three games. Stick with him.

Garry Sheffield, one of the guys I touted highly this spring, is complaining about his shoulder again. I say give him a cortisone shot and shove him out there. I need you Sheff!

Two of the streakiest hitters in all of baseball are heating up. Edwin Encarnacion and Khalil Greene have both finally woken up and when these guys are on, they can practically carry your team. It’s waiting out the doldrums which is tough. Greene has five of the next 7 games at home, which is usually a killer to his power. But after that, he hits the road. Homers are coming.

I know Eric Gagne imploded on Sunday, but what the hell is Ned Yost doing pitching him four straight games? Nobody does that, let alone a guy with a long injury history such as Gagne. He’s a bottom end closer, but I guarantee Gagne is in no danger of losing his job, which is more than a lot of closers can say.

How much did the Phillies screw up this whole J-Roll thing? Instead of immediately placing him on the DL when he first injured the ankle, they messed around with it, pinch hitting him whenever they could, only to be forced to finally disable him on Sunday. More than a week after the injury occurred.

If I ever run into Jeremy Accardo in a bar, I feel the need to pick up his tab. On April 8th, I wrote how it was possible Accardo might not cede the closers job when BJ Ryan returned. At that point, Accardo had been untouchable. Since then, here are his numbers: 5IP, 7 hits, 2 walks, 2 strikeouts, ERA 14.40. Sorry bro.

I love the fact that Chris Young could go 30-30, but I am not sure if the guy is capable of hitting .230. We make fun of guys like Adam Dunn and Pat Burrell because they mash 40 homers, but bat .250. Young is worse than that and I don’t know how he’s going to change. They aren’t going to send him down for some extra work. He is what he is. A batting average albatross.

And finally, week 4’s top target. Each week I’m going to suggest someone for you to go out and trade for. Someone who’s stock is extremely low. So low, that you should be able to steal him.

This week’s target is Brandon Phillips. After last year’s breakout, owners were expecting monster numbers from the second baseman. But so far, he’s been a dud, with just 1 homer and 3 steals. The 5 RBIs are pretty crappy too. Go get him, before he heats up with the weather. 30-30 second sackers don’t grow on trees.

If you do happen to get Phillips, I’d like to hear about it and congratulate you. Leave a comment on the board telling me how you got him. I’ll be working on him myself and if I’m successful, I’ll do the same.

Go Flyers!!!!!

YEA OR NAY FOR APRIL 18TH

2008-04-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Gary and I’m a batting average snob.

It’s taken me 19 years, but I finally came to that realization this week, when I carelessly dealt away James Loney and Carlos Marmol for Pedro Feliz and John Maine.

I look at my lineups and far too often see the likes of Adam Dunn, Pat Burrell, Chris Young, Mark Ellis, Jhonny Peralta.

Nowhere to be found are Ichiro, Derek Jeter, Derek Lee, Vlad Guerrero, Placido Polanco.

This trend continued this week in the dumping of Loney in favor of Feliz.

I am still happy with the deal. Feliz should belt 30 homers and Maine WILL BE a top 10 starter by the time the year is over. I just think it funny that, looking back, I couldn’t care one iota about average.

It’s been a long week in the McPherson household. Sorry for the wait. Here we go with Yea or Nay.

YEA: To any owners who are ready to bail on Troy Tulowitzki. I’m not one of them and I’ll be the first to jump at the chance to take him from you.

NAY: To Gavin Floyd. Don’t be sucked in. This dude blows.

YEA: To my main man Pat Burrell. Brother knows a contract year when he smells it.

NAY: To Alfonso Soriano and Shane Victorino. A calf strain? Really guys? I’m saddened by your propensity to be wusses.

YEA: To the Yankees organization. Classy act burying that Red Sox jersey underneath your new stadium. Are you so starved for attention that you have to stoop to such publicity stunts? I’d like to say Hank Steinbrenner is better than that, but really, he isn’t.

NAY: To the Mariners. You gave up your entire farm system for Erik Bedard. More than the Mets gave up for Johan. Didn’t you do your homework? You had to know this guy is the real life version of the game ‘Operation’.

YEA: To playoff hockey. I’m pretty sure I watched only a tenth of a period through the entire regular season. But I can’t take my eyes off the Flyers-Caps. I think we should just hold a lottery each year…pull 16 teams from a hat and set the playoffs and away we go.

NAY: On a similar note, a nay to the NHL. The Rangers Sean Avery came up with an inventive way of disrupting the goalie. Instead of standing in the crease with his back to the goalie, Avery stood facing him and pissed Martin Brodeur off to no end. A day later, the league passed a rule outlawing this. God forbid the NHL allows one of its players to do something inventive and colorful. Should Avery have gotten his ass beaten? Heck yeah. Should what he did be outlawed? No way.

YEA: Mike Knuble just scored the game winner. I’m Flyered up!

NAY: To Alexander Ovechkin. Nice vanishing act.

YEA: To Cliff Lee. Remember him? Lee was a top prospect who went 32-13 in 2004-05. Injuries sidetracked him in ’07, but he looks like he’s back with a vengeance. 12-1 strikeout to walk ratio in his first two starts. He’s only 29….giddyup.

NAY: To writing an article with your kids in the room. I’m one of those guys who writes off the cuff, basically rambling. If I’m at the computer, I’ll type whatever thoughts pass through my head. This is no lie, I actually wrote this the other day.

‘Andruw Jones has brought the plague to Los Angeles. Anyone who thought last year was a fluke is way wrong. Owen, what the hell is wrong with you? ***dammit, stay out of the refrigerator!’

I need to get myself an office. That or start doing this at the library.

YEA: To Manny Ramirez. People say bad stuff about Manny, like he’s dumb and spacey. Really, I’m starting to think that’s just his way of shrugging off attention. The last thing Manny is would be stupid. The Sox hold a team option for Manny in 2009. If he jacks 40 bombs this year, can they really not pick that up? Believe me, Manny is no dummy. He sure as heck is odd, but don’t confuse that with stupidity.

NAY: To the Nats. Do you realize they’ve only played 7 home games and they are already having problems getting people in the seats. At least Montreal could blame their putrid attendance on the French Canadians. So much for the theory of if you build it, they will come.

YEA: To Chipper Jones and John Smoltz. Even Phillies fans have to tip their caps to these two guys, who have been doing it year after year after year. In the past three years, Chipper’s batting average has been .324, .337, and now .443! Interesting fact: despite playing in numerous fantasy leagues, Chipper has never once been on any of my rosters. Just driving home my point.

NAY: To Comcast for getting rid of Nick Gas. I can live without ‘Get The Picture’, but I sure do miss ‘Legends of the Hidden Temple’ and ‘GUTS’. You can keep NFL Network, I need my Gas!!!

YEA: To Prince Fielder, who finally decided to hit a homer on Thursday. This vegetarian thing ain’t working big guy. Go get yourself a Baconator!!!!!

NAY: To Phil Hughes. Dude, you are killing me.

YEA: To Randy Johnson’s triumphant return to the mound. 7 K’s are fine, but the Unit needs to cool it with the free passes. The important thing is he feels good. The control will come in time. He just needs to stay out there.

NAY: To kids birthday parties. Was every single kid born in the spring or what? My daughter was invited to two parties between October and February. Now, there is one every stinking weekend. The one this weekend is going to have a giant inflatable moonbounce. I’m going to annihilate that thing.

YEA: To R.A. Dickey. Somebody told me his initials stand for Really Ample. I’m still trying to confirm this.

NAY: To people in your leagues who are just plain lazy. In my one league, I decided I wanted to put feelers out for Ryan Howard. I spoke to one guy on the phone and this is how the conversation went.

“Hey man, I’m looking to move Howard. Any interest.”

“Nah.”

Oh, so you have zero interest in a guy who is going to hit 45-50 homers and drive in 125? I can understand if a deal doesn’t work, but to just say ‘nah’ makes me cringe. Okay, best of luck with Adam LaRoche.

YEA: To “Sweeney Todd”. Johnny Depp is the best actor alive and I just love a good musical. Wait…

NAY: To Kevin Love, the UCLA freshman who has decided to leave school to join the NBA draft. Think JJ Reddick, only whiter. If he can average 5 points a game next year, I’ll eat my laptop. Fans of Kevin better be sure to tune into the NBA draft, because that might be the last time you see him where he won’t be sitting on the end of the bench with his tracksuit on.

YEA: To the Knicks for relieving Isiah Thomas of his coaching duties, but reassigning him to another position within the organization. Because we all know, if there is anybody who was dealt a lousy hand and deserves a second shot, it’s Isiah.

NAY: To escalators at Shea stadium. Apparently, this was the second time somebody was killed inside that dump. If I ever hear another Met fan say how horrible the Vet was, I’ll punch him in his misshapen head. The only thing that ever died in the Vet were the hopes and dreams of millions of Philly fans.

YEA: To Steve McNair. It’s nice to see an athlete only take 3 years to realize he is washed up and should be put out to pasture. Usually it’s a much longer and more painful process.

How bad do you have to be to be a starting quarterback in the NFL, yet go undrafted in nearly every fantasy league? Each year, there’s one or two of those guys. McNair was a member of that organization. NFL coaches should take note. If a guy can’t get drafted in fantasy, he shouldn’t be your starter.

And how old does it make you feel when guys start to retire that you can clearly remember in college and then getting drafted? It seemed like just yesterday that McNair was running and gunning for Alcorn State. Now he’s being put out to pasture. My gray hairs just doubled. (but at least they didn’t fall out)

NAY: To the NFL for giving the Browns like 8 primetime games. I feel sorry for Cleveland fans because you know that this just absolutely jinxed the hell out of your season. If the Browns win 6 this year it will be a miracle.

YEA: To the remaining Survivor contestants. Smart move getting rid of Ozzy, but have you ever seen anyone as conniving and manipulative as Cirie? She couldn’t win a challenge if it was covered in ice cream, but if she wants you gone, you will be.

NAY: To Big Papi. I love you man, but what up? And you fans who are booing better shut your mouths. If anybody deserves leniency, it’s him.

YEA: To your mom.

NAY: To ‘Made of Honor’. Guys, make sure you are busy the weekend this movie comes out. Trust me!!

NAY: To Justin Germano. I like the ERA and WHIP dude, but 6 strikeouts in 20 innings? Weak.

YEA: To Kyle Lohse. He’s pitching lights out for St. Louis. Chances are he won’t keep it up, but he’s making the Phillies regret that they didn’t resign him.

NAY: A big fat nay for the Atlanta and Cleveland bullpens. I don’t know where to begin with these situations. At least the Indians have Rafael Betancourt, but who knows if he can close. Something makes me think he might not have the mental makeup, since they held onto Bum Borowski for so long. And in Atlanta, good god. Buddy Carlyle pitched the 9th on Thursday. It was a non-save situation, but still, he was the guy who finished the game, while Manny Acta pitched the 8th.

YEA: To Homer Bailey and Luke Hochevar. Get ready, because these guys are coming. Don’t miss the boat.

NAY: Lastly, a humongous NAY to doing what I did this week. I woke one night in a cold sweat, trembling from a nightmare. My wife heard my sobs and asked what was wrong. I told her I just had a nightmare where she was pregnant.

Note to all guys….if you ever have this nightmare, don’t tell your wife. Say you were being chased by a dinosaur or something. I should have been smarter and known this, but I she caught me at a moment of weakness. She’s going to hold that over my head until I go to the grave.

Enjoy Johan and Cole tonight! Hopefully somebody gets beaned and these two teams start walking the walk, instead of just talking the talk.

YEA OR NAY FOR APRIL 11TH

2008-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hope you are all feeling better today than Tampa’s Al Reyes who started a bar brawl late last night and had to be tased by police. I guess that’s what happens when you lose your job to Troy Percival.

Okay, test time.

What big time college basketball coach said this about his team’s free throw shooting problems in mid-March?

“It’s not something we spend a lot of time with.”

John Calipari learned a bitter lesson this week when his team gave away the national championship, because they couldn’t make a foul shot.

Calipari kind of reminds me of that mom you hear about who gets busted for providing beer to her 14 year old son and his friends. She wants to be the cool mom, not the mom who makes her kid do the stuff he’s supposed to.

Rather than have his team actually work on free throw shooting, Calipari chose to ignore the problem and assume it would never bite him in the butt.

We really didn’t need Calipari to tell us his team didn’t spend a lot of time with free throws. The entire world saw it on Monday night.

Mario Chalmers’ game tying three at the end of regulation was a terrific shot, but I won’t remember it the way I remember Keith Smart’s winning shot for Indiana. Or the play at the end of the NC State win over Houston.

This game will be remembered for the Memphis collapse. Not only at the free throw line, but for the brainfart that allowed Chalmers to even attempt the three. Memphis could have fouled, forcing Kansas to the line to shoot just two free throws, eliminating any chance of a tie.

Argue it all you want, but the Tigers choked. Put this one in the books with Chris Webber calling a timeout when he didn’t have any left. The game was lost, rather than one.

On a completely different note, isn’t it amazing how much fun history is when you get to watch it on television compared to sitting in a classroom listening to Mr. Weinberg? I couldn’t give a rat’s bum about John Adams until the HBO mini-series came about. Now I want to start wearing a powdered wig and I’m not even going bald.

How about that Ben Franklin. What a giant a**. Who knew that? I always wondered how a guy got to be on the hundred dollar bill, but didn’t get to be President.

Sure, he tied a key to a kite string and figured out something about electricity…blah, blah, blah. I discovered the same thing when I was 6 and I stuck my tongue in an electrical socket.

Ben did set the mold for the modern day politician. And if you think that is a good thing, you are a nincompoop.

Next time I see him roaming the streets of Philadelphia, I think I’ll give him a kick in the groin. I don’t care if it’s just an actor….he deserves it.

And three cheers for modern medicine, because my delicate sensibilities would not have been able to handle the whole pox thing. I feel bad for the actor who played the patient in the back of the doctor’s cart. His resume must read:

Mike Smith got his big break by appearing in ‘John Adams’ as the guy infected with the pox who had infected puss scraped from his open sores.

They could have at least thrown the guy a bone and given him a line….like ‘Am I getting paid for this?’ or ‘Can’t we find a less disgusting way to cure people?’

On to the weekly Yea or Nay.

YEA: To my man Joe Crede. Joe has been bruised and battered this spring by pundits calling for him to step aside for prospect Josh Fields. Coming off major back surgery, the White Sox could not find any takers on the trade market, so they were stuck(?) with Crede and forced to send Fields to the minors. But why all the negativity surrounding Joe?

2007 was a washout for the third baseman. Joe broke his back or something and didn’t even reach 150 at bats. But in 2006, his last full year, he was a stud….30 homers, 94 RBI and a decent average, .283.

So far this year, Crede looks like he’s saying ‘bleep you’ to all those naysayers. He’s killing the ball and he’s also giving the White Sox a headache. I’m sure they still want to deal him, but now what is his true value? Aaron Rowand told the Giants brass to trade for Crede in spring training, but the Giants are too cheap. It will now take more than Dan Ortmeier to get him out of Chicago, you can count on that.

I still say good for Joe.

NAY: I’ve got to go back on a yea from last week, because Joe Torre is messing things all up in the Dodgers outfield. The most overrated manager of our generation has created a fantasy quagmire with the trio of Andre Ethier, Juan Pierre and Matt Kemp. Each could make an impact if given a starting job, but with each missing a handful of games every week, who do you start?

They are all too good, so you can’t bail on any of them. You just have to ride it out and hope somebody blows out an achilles. Or we could all just root for Andruw Jones to retire.

YEA: To Rich Harden. Those were two sweet starts Dick. See you in August.

NAY: To all the guys out there like Harden, Howie Kendrick, Cliff Floyd, Rocco Baldelli, Jeremy Hermida, Carl Pavano, Dave Roberts.

Ever think that these guys just don’t want it? That every little ache and pain is just too much to bear. Haven’t these guys ever heard of gutting it out?

Chronic fatigue syndrome. That’s what they say Rocco now has. I think he’s just lazy. Take some stinking vitamins and go get paid to play a game!!!

YEA: To Edwin Jackson. The longtime prospect seems to have finally figured it out and has been lights out so far in Tampa. He showed some flashes last season, but I can almost guarantee the guy is available in your league.

NAY: To my NL only pitching staff. Here is who I left the draft with: Pedro Martinez, Randy Johnson, Chad Billingsley, Tom Gorzelanny, Matt Cain, Hiroki Kuroda, Jair Jurrjens and Edinson Volquez. So far, I’ve gotten 2 wins and 1 quality start out of the bunch. LOSERS!!

YEA: To Keith Foulke. A year after retiring, Foulke has turned into a workhorse for the A’s, appearing in 7 of the teams first 10 games. Last year it was Troy Percival unretiring, this year Foulke….next year I want to see Rod Beck back on the mound. Oh wait…

NAY: To all the people who are predicting the Braves can make a run in the East. Smoltz and Hudson are nice, but 3-5 the Braves have problems. Rafael Soriano is now on the DL. And the lineup, while decent, can’t compare to that of the Mets or Phils. I know all the talking heads want to have Bobby Cox’s baby, but give me a break.

YEA: To A-Rod. Way to come through with that meaningless home run in the 9th inning of a game well in hand off of Hideo Nomo. Yeah, that Hideo Nomo. Who says your stats are hollow? Now go home and massage Derek’s pulled groin.

YEA: To CJ Wilson. How great is it to have a closer get two saves in the same day?

NAY: To Nelson Figueroa. This nay actually belongs to the Mets for having the audacity to put Figueroa in a uniform and on the mound. It’s been four years since Figueroa even sniffed a major league ballpark. He was bad then, so guess what?

YEA: To Pirates manager John Russell. The former Phillies catcher has been playing Ryan Doumit more than Ronny Paulino, which is good for those of us in fantasy. Doumit, as far as catchers go, can be a help, instead of being an albatross like so many others we know (yeah, I’m pointing at you Chris Ianetta).

YEA: To me. I told you before the season started about Dana Eveland. Hope you listened.

NAY: If you are desparate for saves, take a chance on Jason Bulger. He could be the guy getting the opportunities in Anaheim. This is listed as a nay because this is not an official endorsement. I said if you are desparate. The dudes thrown 21 innings total in the big leagues and he’s pushing 30 years old. If you pick him up and he serves up 8 runs in 2/3 of an inning, don’t cry to me. But saves are saves.

YEA: Finally, let’s go out on a good note. Philly sports is alive and thriving. Enjoy it while we can. The Flyers and Sixers are both back in the playoffs and could both make some noise. The Phillies will be in the hunt all year, despite the efforts of Kyle Kendrick and Jamie Moyer. And the Eagles have a big draft coming up. It’s rare that you can talk about all four sports at once, but for the next couple weeks we can. Live it up.

WEEK 2 STUFF TO KNOW

2008-04-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

First, before I get to the baseball, I want to offer a giant ‘mea culpa’ regarding “The Ruins”. I’m ashamed of what they did to the book. Hope you didn’t waste your money like I did on the movie. Why is Hollywood so dumb?

Second, I had to relay something that I encountered at a McDonalds this weekend, which left me laughing my hindquarters off.

I was enjoying my usual cheeseburger happy meal, when I happened to pick up the box it comes in and started to read the fine print on the contest. Here is how it reads, word for word. Remember, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

‘No purchase necessary. Many will play, only 15 will win. Open to residents of the U.S., Canada (excluding Quebec) and other markets as defined in the rules. Game begins March 14, 2008 and ends April 10, 2008. To win, a Canadian resident must correctly answer a skill-testing question.’

Talk about stacking the deck against Canadians! First, those from Quebec are banned altogether. Then, if you somehow manage to defy the ridiculous odds and win a trip to Disney World, you then would have to sit down and take an exam just to collect your prize.

As you should all know, I’m not much of a fan of our friends from the Great White North. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed to visit the happiest place on earth, does it?

By the way, the next happy meal is going to be based on American Idol. I hope to get some of Paula’s prescriptions as my toy.

Well, week one is in the books. Hopefully you’re teams have not been too decimated by injuries. It’s only one week, but you should be able to identify your needs, even after just seven days. Especially in head to head leagues. Roto leagues have a little more leeway.

I was decimated in my mixed league head to head, losing 1-8-1. I lost all five pitching categories, mainly thanks to my relievers. Manny Corpas, Eric Gagne and Matt Capps all got hammered in week 1, ballooning my ERA over 5 for the week.

But there are plenty of good finds out there, waiting to be had. Here are some you should pounce on, if they are still available in your league. Remember, your draft is important, but you’re not going to win if you don’t get some steals off the waiver wire throughout the season.

Jeff Keppinger-SS-Reds-It’s a no brainer that Keppinger should be in your NL only starting lineup, but if he keeps hitting like in week 1, he might be mixed league worthy as well. Keppinger smacked two homers, drove in 4 and stole a base in his first 6 games. Oh yeah, he also hit over .400! Alex Gonzalez who?

Dana Eveland-SP-A’s-Eveland has been a prospect for a long time, bouncing from the Brewers, to the D-Backs, and now to the A’s. This spring he seemed to put it together and in his first start, the train kept rolling. You might have missed it, since it was late Saturday night, but Eveland struck out 7 over 7 innings, giving up just 1 run in a win over CC Sabathia and the Indians. The 24 year old lefty could be one of this years finds.

Nate McLouth-CF-Pirates-There’s no way Nate should be available in any of your leagues, but if he is, consider yourself lucky. McLouth was dynamite the last 3 months of 2007 and he is proving it wasn’t a fluke. Just because he plays for the Pirates doesn’t mean you should ignore him. He’s leading off, hitting over .400 and stealing bases. Plus, he could get you 20 homers as a bonus.

Edinson Volquez-SP-Reds-Everyone is talking about Johnny Cueto, but I was just as impressed with Volquez. He’s likely still available in your league, but if he keeps pitching like he did in start number one, he won’t be a free agent for long. Volquez is another longtime prospect who the Rangers dealt to Cincy for Josh Hamilton. Edinson could join with Cueto to carry the Reds as this year’s surprise team.

Jeremy Accardo-RP-Blue Jays-I know there is no way Accardo is still available in your league, but I had to mention him because his stuff is so filthy. Since taking over as closer last year, Accardo has gone 33 of 38 in save opportunities. I just don’t see how the Jays can justify removing him completely from the closer position, even when BJ Ryan returns. Everyone was going ga-ga over Ryan at this year’s draft, while Accardo slipped to the final rounds. Nice work if you grabbed him.

Jack Wilson-SS-Pirates-Hopefully you don’t have Wilson as your starting shortstop. If you do, it had better be a very deep NL only league. Wilson is on the DL with a strained calf and the Bucs have recalled propect Brian Bixler to start in his place. If you are looking for a stopgap, here he is.

Brandon Backe-SP-Astros-I liked Backe heading into the season, mainly because he was flying way under the radar. Injuries have sidetracked his career, but he seems finally back at full strength this year and the Astros can still score runs. Backe has had two decent starts already. He’s not somebody who will serve as an ace, but in NL only leagues, he’s a solid start.

Boof Bonser-SP-Twins-According to the Twins, Bonser stepped up his offseason conditioning and started to take his career seriously this winter. A 5.10 ERA will do that to you. Bonser is in his third year and could be a breakout. Through two starts, he has yet to issue a walk, something that was a major issue to the Boofster in the past. He’s a definite for those of you in AL only leagues. Keep an eye on him, because he strikes out enough guys to possibly warrant mixed league ownership if he keeps the ball in the yard.

Kevin Millwood-SP-Rangers-Through two starts, he hasn’t been terrible. That’s saying a lot for the former Phil. Remember, it was just 2005 when Millwood had an ERA under 3 for the Indians. He has the ability, but just doesn’t seem to have the drive. Maybe his wife smacked him around this winter and told him to pull his head out of his ass. I’d wait one more start, which will be against Toronto this weekend. If he’s solid again, take the risk.

Dioner Navarro-C-Rays-As if the catching pool wasn’t thin enough. Navarro sliced his hand open trying to catch a foul pop against the Yankees over the weekend. Shawn Riggins will be the beneficiary, as he now starts for Tampa. If you’re desperate, there you go. Don’t dump out on Navarro, either. He should be back in 15 days and he’s a definite sleeper at a very shallow position.

Mark Lowe-RP-Mariners-Lowe is the guy, but the Mariners have to be worried. Lowe blew his first save opportunity against the lowly Orioles. Lowe has a total of 22 innings worth of experience in the majors, so I don’t really compute how he is their best option at closing. If JJ Putz is able to come back in 15 days, the Mariners will probably just bite the bullet and ride Lowe. If Putz is going to be out longer, don’t expect Lowe to hold onto the job. Keep an eye on the transaction reports….if Brandon Morrow gets recalled, GO GET HIM!

Wes Helms-3B-Marlins-Yes, somebody actually gave Wes Helms a job. The Phillies finally found a home for Helms, which should tell you something about the state the Marlins are in. The fish gave up cash consideration for Helms, which Pat Gillick promptly spent buying a gallon of milk. Helms could actually start in Florida…all that stands in his way is Jorge Cantu. Can you believe this team has won two World Series the past decade?