On Line On Life Off Insulin

Hallllooooooo Out There

2007-11-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still living.
My new blogging gig has outed me, so my semi-anonymous soap box here is not even partially anon anymore. This leaves me wondering what I can say here without offending anyone, or sharing more than I'd like, or using up good diabetes blog fodder I could use at dLife.
I do intend to work my way back here. Things are heating up with the holidays of course, but Maile is almost 5 months and we're getting into a routine with her, so life approaches a semblance of normalcy.
Belated Happy Thanksgiving to the 2 people who are still checking in on me! I will try to get to the meme this weekend!

Mid-week Moment

2007-08-15T21:27:00.000-06:00

Ahhhhh. 9:30 pm. My alarm went off at 5:45 am. My first chance to really breath, yet I'm still having to re-insert pacifier every 3-5 minutes.
(Funny, now that pacifiers are back "in" and proven to reduce SIDS risk, etc - Maile loves them. Kimo never much cared for them, which was good back in the day 4 years ago when pacifiers would ruin their teeth for life, etc, etc.)
Deep breath. No, I wasn't working terribly hard today, but I was still "on". I have been "on" since 6 am.
Yesterday and today I have been eating like the old me. Not good. I have lost almost 40 pounds since Maile's birthday. I don't want to put it back on. It's a stress thing, I'm sure.
I really need to take a few minutes several times a day to deep breath and feel joy and gratitude for this infant and my wonderful 3 year old and my crazy, busy life. Get centered again.
That's the project this week. For right now, I have 15 minutes to spend in mindless games before sleep, and I'm going to do so. Peace; out.

I'm Baaaccckk!

2007-08-14T21:09:00.000-06:00

Maile is 8 weeks old, I am back to work and no more excuses for not blogging!
We are all well. I am dropping weight quickly, nursing sure helps with that. Maile is gaining almost as fast as I am losing - well maybe more like 8/1 - I lose 8 and she gains 1!
I just started work up again yesterday, so we're all trying to adjust to the new routines. I will be working from home a lot the next month, so we're not totally on our new, 2-child routines yet. Da Kane is having some difficulty adjusting to having me home so much - he works from home already.
Kimo LOVES LOVES LOVES his baby sister. It is quite sweet and a relief. We've seen a little regression and acting out, but really very little. It's hard to believe he will be 4 in about 6 weeks.
I had a birthday this week - talk about hard to believe! Those birthdays ending in 0's or 5's are so much harder for some reason. This was a half-decade one - I'll let you guess the first digit.
Maile's most unforgettable trait right now - she eats her fill and pulls off with this milky half-smile, eyelids 90% closed, eyes rolling back in her head. It's most amazing and I hope to figure out how to film it without exposing myself too much!

Maile arrived; safe and sound

2007-06-25T13:15:00.000-06:00

Maile was delivered last Monday, 6/18 via an uneventful c-section. She was 7 lbs 13 oz and 20.5 inches long. My tubes were clipped (they don't tie or cut them anymore, they use plastic clips - no growing back together) and we spent 4 days in the hosp enjoying some peace and quiet and *good* hospital food. Amazing, but they have a chef and a quite decent menu.
I talked the ansthesiaologist out of the big shot of opiates after delivery, so I have all my memories intact this time. It's still pretty vague as far as the hour or so after the surgery.
Maile had a fair amount of hair which is a reddish-brown and nice big yummy cheeks. She went from 50th percentile in weight at 7 months to 75th percentile at birth. I suspect my blood sugars are to blame; but she's healthy and so am I so I guess we survived the sorbet and candy bars.
I happily packed away my insulin syringes. I've actually run low a couple days since and I think it's probably breastfeeding along with not being as diligent about my meals as I could/should be. All in good time.
I've lost 19 lbs in the week since she was born. Although it's not "real" weight loss, it does the heart good to see those numbers dropping rapidly.
Maile closes one eye and curls her lip sometimes and we just wait for her to say "ARGHHH", so I have been calling her my Pirate Princess. Kimo is doing well with the transition so far.

38 Weeks, 2 days

2007-06-11T12:57:00.000-06:00

I have been negligent in posting again. I shall resort to bullets yet again.

I went out on medical leave 6/1.
This is good, because as of today, I am finally starting to feel a little better as far as the sinus/cold/respiratory infection goes. Remember these started in early APRIL.
This is bad, because it cuts into my yearly FMLA and I feel guilty.
Maile is just fine. After all my endless debating about a VBAC, I am scheduling a c-section for next week. I seriously doubt she will spontaneously appear before then. I just want to have a baby, meet her and get on with respiratory recovery!
Maile will be "substantially larger" than Kimo was. Kimo was only 5 lbs, 3 oz. I smoked with Kimo (no flaming please, at least I finally quit Jan 2006), so this is no surprise to me. My ob/gyn says he doesn't believe smoking was why Kimo was so small -- my ob/gyn smokes. Do you see a "Da Nile" connection there? I sure do.
I am massively uncomfortable. When I arise from sitting or lying down, I walk like John Wayne for at least a few steps while Maile figures out she can't break out with my cervix shut like this.
My chest gets tight like my old anxiety attacks almost daily. Fun Fun.
I am still 0 cm dilated, but 60% effaced and my cervix is "soft". These are no indication of when labor might start.
The guest room still isn't finished. The laundry and assorted other tasks are still behind. I don't care one minute, then feel horribly guilty the next.
My sugars are all over the place. I'm trying to stay on top of it, but it is so hard for me to maintain any kind of "diet" when I am home with basically no schedule.
Haagen-Daz Raspberry Sorbet is TO.DIE.FOR. If I ever entertained, it would be so good with some fresh raspberries with it. It is hell on blood sugar - 26 grams sugar per 1/4 cup, but what a taste treat!!

35 weeks 3 days

2007-05-22T08:28:00.000-06:00

Still feeling pretty yucky. That would be the medical term. Ob/Gyn Doc's latest guess is Asthmatic Bronchitis. But since he doesn't even listen to my heart, much less my lungs, I think he is just guessing. I may need to see my Primary Care doc.
I am concerned that some of this is prepartum depression. I have a long history of mild depression. I can feel it, but have been off my anti-depressants this whole pregnancy. When I had Kimo they were deemed pretty safe, so I was on them about 1/2 the time. This time around they have some mildly disturbing studies, so I haven't taken them at all.
My reading tells me that prepartum depression increases the risk of postpartum depression, so this is something I will bring up at my appointment Friday.
I am very irritable and on-edge. My husband is getting the brunt of it, but even working from home, I am taking a lot out on my co-workers and boss. I can hardly stand myself.
I vacillate about 10 times a day about taking short term disability. This indecisiveness is making me batty too! I also can't decide what to do with the early c-section suggestion.
I have absolutely no energy for housework or baby prep. I really must get going on washing baby clothes and fixing window treatments in the kids' room and keeping the mess to a minimum. Much less several other projects I would like to do.
Sorry for another incoherent, non-cohesive ramble. Someday I will write a real blog post with a theme, and intro, and a conclusion!

Quick Update

2007-05-17T10:54:00.000-06:00

Still out on sick/vacation leave. I don't seem to be getting any better.
Da Kane means "the man" in Hawaiian. Kimo and Maile are common Hawaiian names - so all my pseudonyms are HI in origin.
I lived in HI for 5 years in the '90s and da Kane and I got married there. My favorite place in the world is the Big Island of Hawaii. Perhaps some day I will live there again.
Ob/Gyn appt tomorrow. We will do an NST on Maile and discuss what the heck to do about my cold/congestion/strep - whatever the heck it is.
Maile seems as active as ever. She just likes kicking my butt I guess.
Da Kane and Kimo seem to be recovering from their Strep bouts just fine. Lucky guys.
I got a new rocker/glider/recliner for mother's day for the kids' room. I'm SO EXCITED! The first year of Kimo's life I walked around with a sore neck most days from dozing off with him in the middle of the night. Now I won't have that particular problem!

3 down, 1 without symptoms

2007-05-11T16:34:00.000-06:00

Perhaps we've found the answer to my illness mystery. Kimo has strep also. Not a single symptom - no fever, no cold, no sore throat. A small patch of rash on his upper chest. I wouldn't have ever suspected Strep if Da Kane's test hadn't come back positive.
Kimo's last cold was 3-4 weeks ago. Talking to his daycare today, one of his little friends (L) was diagnosed with strep 5 or 6 weeks ago after his brother came down with it. L never had a symptom. Daycare says they put a sign up. Well, they put a sign on the front door - "we have one confirmed case of strep". Of course, I took note of it, but come on - how about telling me that a child he spends 11 hours a day with has strep and no symptoms - that would have made more of an impression.
Anyway, all 3 of us are on antibiotics. I suspect I have just kept getting re-infected this past 6 weeks. Maybe there's hope yet that I will improve. But if Kimo goes back to school Monday and just gets re-infected because another kid in his class has symptom-less strep, I am going to be ANGRY. Untreated strep can cause rheumatic fever/scarlet fever, problems with the feteus I'm carrying.
Da Kane is in Las Vegas. I am single-momming it for the mother's day weekend, with both of us not feeling well. I went ahead and took a week off to try and get better. I'm sick of taking 2-3 days off each week and still not improving. My doc is willing to put me on disability, but I really hope that's not necessary.

Freaked Out

2007-05-10T11:03:00.000-06:00

Da Kane just called, he wouldn't go to the clinic yesterday, but went today and sure enough, he has Strep. My rapid test 2 weeks ago was negative, but now I wonder if this is why I can't get well. Untreated Strep can cause all kinds of problems for me and baby. I am so worried! Plus, Kimo has some red spots on his neck, near his chest so I am worried about Scarlet Fever with him. He has run a small temp a few times, but really hasn't seemed too sick since the original cold we all got 5 or 6 weeks ago.
Come to think of it, Kimo has been whinier and clingier than usual and has started having "accidents" much more frequently.
I have a call into his ped's office and I go back to my ob/gyn this afternoon. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of this and none of us will have lasting effects. Da Kane is still flying out tonight - boy bet that hurts with the fluid build up behind his ear drums.

Unbelievable

2007-05-08T14:55:00.000-06:00

I can hardly believe it but I have another cold. It started on Friday and I hoped for a day that it was just the last legs of the last cold. But no, a completely different set of symptoms. This makes 3 colds in a row, in less than a month.
I've done 2 rounds of antibiotics this month, so I think my immune system has been shot to hell. I started a pro-biotic today to try and bring things back into alignment. I also got some echinacea for my immunity. For the first time ever, my favorite health food store would not make any recommendations. They don't deal with too many women who are 8 months pregnant. I am too sick and tired to do all the research, so I'll stick with the probiotic and the echinacea for now.
Trying to remember what else to do to bolster immunity and it's pretty funny. Eat right (I have little or no appetite), sleep plenty (sure, like that's going to happen), exercise moderately (sure, like that's going to happen). Keep my sugars in control (yeah, right while drinking juice and eating cough drops and syrups).
I have started this superstitious thinking that this tough 3rd trimester does not bode well for the baby. The pregnancy with Kimo was so easy, and he was such an easy baby. This pregnancy has been so tough, I really hope Maile is not a cranky, colic-y baby.
I took another day off today to try and rest. I am burning through my sick leave like crazy. My desk is not unpacked at the new place. My attitude the few hours I was there yesterday wasn't good. I hope that my co-workers can understand that it's the pregnancy and the constant illness and not that my attitude just sucks. I'm not real thrilled about the new building, but so what, at least we're all in one building now and the digs are newer. I am going on maternity and then my job probably only lasts another 6 months after that, so I should just turn my attitude around.
Tonight is childbirth class. I might go alone. Da Kane is really sick (man-cold) so I don't think he should go spread his germs.
The house is pretty wrecked, which is a little embarassing with the babysitter. I am going to go take a hot shower and try to clean the kitchen at least.
Pray, chant, or send white light (or however you send good thoughts) for me. I honestly don't think I can stand another 6 weeks of this.

Back in Action - who else is out there?

2007-05-03T20:10:00.000-06:00

Forgive my break in posting. I was feeling un-read until 1of3wishes posted yesterday. Somedays I look at my blog and see a couple weeks with no comments and lose the urge to post. I don't really post just for readers - but it's obviously a big part of the blog-lure. (So, please de-lurk and leave me a comment!)
I am about 92% recovered from the cold/cough from hell. I still have a pulled muscle in my left side from coughing so hard and so uncontrollably. I lost a tremendous amount of sleep and actually took 3 days of sick leave last week. I cannot tell you the last time I took 3 days off in one week for my own illness. My immune system is just shot. I am taking precautions to try and not catch too much else from Kimo and the germ factory (daycare) over the next 7 or 8 weeks.
Da Kane and I attended our first Lamaze class this week. Which means Kimo had a babysitter - his first in over a year. He did great, we did great, but the sitter had trouble finding us so we were about 15 minutes late. I'm sure I am the oldest Mom in the class, but I don't think it was immediately apparent to everyone. The biggest divide was already having a child, while the rest of the class were first-timers. I didn't get an immediate warm fuzzy about the instructor, but she's ok. Only 3 more classes.
I swing like a metronome on triple-time from being sure I can do a natural/vaginal childbirth (with drugs) to wanting to sign up for another c-section. I know it's just plain old fear. I am almost dizzy from it. This is one reason a doula may be helpful in my situation. I know that this is my last chance to experience birth, and I know in my heart that if billions of women have done this for thousands of years, that I can too, but I'm afraid given the smallest obstacle, I will cave quickly and neither da Kane nor da Doctor will help me remember my goal.
Having Maile home safe and sound is the main objective, but I want to give birth to her, not have her extracted from me surgically. I want her to decide when she is ready to be born - not my doctor's son's soccer league.
It is amazing to me that we (humans) still do not know what starts labor exactly. Perhaps some of my medical blog buddies can correct that, but that's what the lamaze instructor said and my doctor seconded. We know it's probably the hormone oxytocin (not oxycontin, the rush's drug of choice), but we don't know why those levels suddenly surge.
My diet has not improved much, except for not having an appetite for a week. I lost 3 lbs. I am very glad I asked for the Humulin pen, that way I can respond to the handful of swedish fish or the pizza lunch rapidly.
The big work move is this weekend and I will be very glad to have that behind us. Then the following weekend da Kane has to go on business for 4 full days, leaving me single-parenting. After that I should be able to spend the last month nesting.
I also have several projects to get done on the kids room, so we can move Kimo in there at least a month before Maile comes home. I think that is best, even though she'll be in our room for 2-3 months, it would be good to get him settled for a while before we uproot his life.
Kimo is very cute talking about "my baby" in his belly. No matter how often his father and I tell him that only ladies can have babies, he is insistent. This weekend he said that he has TWO babies in his belly, so we will have 3 at home this summer. He also asked me to put my hand on his tummy and announced "did you feel my baby kick?". It is beyond adorable.
As with most mothers the 2nd time around (or so I have read), I have moments of worry that I will not be able to love Maile as much as I do Kimo. I try to trust that the more love you feel, experience, express then the more that is available to you.
OB/GYN UPDATE - I had my weekly NST today and baby was doing great. The 8 month growth check ultrasound is Monday. We are taking Kimo, which should be interesting!

And I thought AMA was bad!

2007-04-24T02:42:00.000-06:00

A few posts ago I talked about how my diagnosis of "Advanced Maternal Age" was a bit degrading. Well.
I finally got the lab bill for the amnio in January and out of curiosity, I looked up the ICD-9 codes. Those are the International Classification of Diseases, commonly used by insurance companies. Mine were:

Elderly multigravida (woman pregnant for at least the third time)
Habitual aborter
Antepartum Diabetes mellitus

Boy, that brings to mind an ugly visual, doesn't it? Like a decrepit old woman huddled in a dark, dirty back alley somewhere.

I am sure I will get flamed by lazy googler's - Habitual aborter is "a rather insensitive term for a woman who has repeated miscarriages."
In that line-up - Diabetes is my FAVORITE diagnosis!

In other news:
My persistent non-productive cough has morphed into a painfully major sore throat. On Friday I was negative for strep, but today it is so much worse, I may get re-tested, just because strep can be so dangerous for baby. I got some ~~narcotic~~ ~~decent~~ prescription cough syrup yesterday after trying to work most of the day. I am now committed to rest and lots of fluids until I get better. Maile has been much less active which ~~alarms~~ me.
I am up at 3:00 am due to this condition. Apparently swallowing becomes so painful as the meds wear off, that it wakes me up.
My sugars are fluctuating wildly - not only due to the illness and meds, I suspect, but because the only appealing foods are carbs - of course. I am so thankful I got the humalog pen last endo visit, at least I can bring them back into line quickly.
My HbA1C came back at 5.6 - a slight increase from my 5.5 the last couple of months.

Into the 8th Month!

2007-04-22T07:55:00.000-06:00

See my ticker above? I have moved into the 2nd to the last month - yes, I am in my 8th month of pregnancy! It still seems I have so far to go, but it really is moving right along, less than 9 weeks -- at least until my due date! Only 5% of babies are born on their due dates, so it should be called a guess date.
Today is the tour of the birth center, then next week childbirth classes begin. I suppose I'd better get the kids' room finished off so that Kimo can move in and be settled before we uproot his life.
Darned cold still hanging on with this very annoying cough. Oh Well.

Sick Day

2007-04-19T10:13:00.000-06:00

Yet another cold - my 2nd in a month. I didn't sleep much last night, so called in sick about 5:30 am, fasting sugar was 86 and went back to bed for 4 hours. Then I got up and my sugar was 87. I am never quite sure how to handle sick days. The hand-out from my doc's office is little to no help, so I try to eat well or some for the baby, take my metformin, because I think consistency with that prescription is key; and wing it for the rest.
For example, I decided with an 87 and no metformin in me, I could do the met and skip the insulin. We will see how that plays out. I managed to get some sprouted wheat toast in me and a banana, but I'm way short on protein. The kitchen is a disaster, so eggs are unlikely and the thought of peanut butter on my toast made me want to hurl. The protein from a diabetes perspective is to slow down the carbs, but my sprouted wheat bread already has 5 grams of protein and 2 grams of fiber for it's measly 15 grams of carbs per slice. The protein is also important for the baby, but nobody gives you numbers on that. This is just really boring rambling.
I admit to be surprised that there wasn't even a single comment on my last post. Here I am baring my soul about fertility and nobody's reading me anyway! Good pinprick to the ego.
I talked to the Lactation consultant and the Thomas W Hale book, Medications and Mothers' Milk - generally the bible for meds and breastfeeding - gives metformin an L1 ranking. Meaning it's about as safe as tylenol! Too bad the PA didn't just tell me that. Funny, it's a $30 book, but neither my ob/gyn, perinatologist nor endocrinologist have a copy for reference. No wonder the US breast-feeding rate is so low.
I don't want to go off on a rant on that topic! I certainly support a mother's choice to feed her baby however she decides, but c'mon - we have these appendages on our chests for a reason - and that reason is not to inflate them to a Double-E cup for the amusement of males of the species.
Back to bed for me, with lots of fluids and maybe a sudafed to see if I can lose awareness of my sinus cavities!

Advanced Maternal Age

2007-04-13T09:28:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking about this label a lot lately. It is the first diagnosis on all my perinatologist's reports - ahead of Type 2 Diabetes, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Hypo-thyroid - obesity doesn't even make the list although I know it is yet another factor for my high-risk assessment.
I will be 62 when this baby graduates from high school. My Mother died at 62. She died of lung cancer after 40+ years of smoking. I quit after 27 years - was it soon enough?
How can I continue my slapdash approach to my health (mainly weight and exercise)? Am I crazy or just selfish?
Who came up with such a derogatory sounding diagnosis? And why would it start at 35? Most women can conceive well past their 40th birthday and the risks increase at the same gradual pace from age 25 onward.
I saw my OB yesterday and told him I definitely want the tubal ligation while in the hospital for this baby's birth. I think that's what triggered this introspection. It is hard to make that decision to end your fertility, but it makes so much sense for me. As much as I would have theoretically liked a 3rd biologic child, the reality is that I will be 45 in August. I am most likely capable of having one more - but at what cost? I had 3 miscarriages before this pregnancy and 1 before Kimo. Would that mean 9 more miscarriages to have another child? My psyche cannot comprehend that much pain. They (my medical team) have me running between Perinatologist, Ob/Gyn and Endocrinologist NOW - I can't imagine keeping that up for another 3 years either. Hell, if it took 3 years again to conceive a viable pregnancy - I would be 48 at delivery! HELL NO, I won't go!
However, it is still a very final decision. Fertility has been part of me for some 30 years now. Most of that time it was an inconvenience and something to outwit, not celebrate. But it was an integral part of my womanhood. I distinctly remember being told the (only) benefit of menstruation was that I was capable of having babies.
Trying to turn that around in my head, I can see a certain freedom in no longer having to consider pregnancy. No diaphragms, no fertility charts, no trying to weigh the pros/cons of the pill, no buying pregnancy tests at 6 am on the way to work and no more dashed hopes by the negative results. No more dashed hopes by miscarriages. No more excruciatingly painful 1st trimesters (aka weeks) while I wait with breath held to see if I will miscarry or not.

In other news -
I return to my ob in 2 weeks for my first NST (Non Stress Test) - this is a fetal monitor they hook up to watch heartbeat, movement, etc for 10-20 minutes, or even longer depending on what baby is or is not doing. I will then have an NST every week until delivery. I must be getting closer.

Endocrinologist on Monday - I just HATE that I won't have results from the bloodwork until Friday. I really must ask why they are still in the dark ages and sending me info via snail mail. They have the results late Monday, mail out a form letter to me when they get around to it - Tuesday most likely and apparently the only outgoing mail is in the am - so it's not in the mail til Wed. My home is 60 miles away, so at least 2 days for delivery - voila! Friday. I don't get the mail until I get home from work, so god forbid if I have a question, it must wait until Monday when I can catch their office open. They only answer the phone from 8:30 - 11:30 and 1:30 -4:00 Mon- Thurs and only half a day on Friday. I would freak if I was expected to accept this type of service from Amazon.com or just about anyone but a medical professional!

Day Off today - I took a vacation day today. Full weeks are exhausting and I have some time saved up. I've actually been taking a day every other week now - if you count Good Friday, or the politically correct version - Spring Break day. We are having a bad snow storm - almost a blizzard according the news. A blizzard in mid-April. This and the piss-poor soil here are the 2 things that may drive me from Colorado. I really must get started on my to-do list!

This Month's Ultrasound

2007-04-11T08:09:00.000-06:00

Amazing, isn't it? I am stunned by how much Maile resembles Kimo. Head shape, face shape, nose and chin. I have a pic of Kimo at about 1 hour old and it's really uncanny. I realize they are full siblings, but still!
Maile weighs about 3 lbs now, and measures right on for my dates. Everything looks good except perhaps a little excess amniotic fluid. This is a common occurance for diabetics who's sugar is uncontrolled, which really isnt me. My next A1C is Monday and I expect it to remain within a point or two of 5.5, where it's been since conception. The doc didn't ask me to come back early, so I know it's not anything to fret about. Of course I came home and looked it up all over the internet and scared myself ~ but then realized he did say I didn't actually have the diagnosis.
I am mightily uncomfortable. I hate to complain because I am so grateful to be pregnant and this far along.
We are doing childbirth classes the month of May, 4 weeknights, I have arranged childcare and all. We tour the birth center later this month. We have decided against a doula for the time being, subject to reconsideration after lamaze class when we know better what we're facing.
I am excited this is all moving along, but also overwhelmed by the stuff left to do. Homelife is not the greatest. Worklife is not the greatest. I wish the person I was training to fill in for me would bother to take notes or act the least bit interested. Said person has absolutely no background in my job, and seems to think he can just call me every day. We are moving to a new building May 5th, and that is quite a project also.
The more blogs I read, the more I dislike my own, but perhaps after birth I will decide to get serious or give it up or turn it into Maile's development diary. We shall see.
My sugars have been "ok". I had a bowl of cocoa puffs at 2 am this morning and that was a HUGE mistake. I not only had heartburn for an hour and couldn't get back to sleep; my fasting sugar was 96. Now I don't want to send my sugars in because they will want me to up my dinnertime NPH dose again and that's not really the issue!
OB/Gyn appt tomorrow, Endo appt on Monday, then a break for a couple weeks again. I'm on every 2 weeks for OB, every 4 weeks for perinatologist and ultrasounds, every 6 weeks for endo. Since I only have about 10 weeks left, that's not so bad!

Diabetes Slump

2007-04-01T21:09:00.000-06:00

I'm just in that place where I don't really care, I just want to eat what I want to eat. I already can't drink, have cut my caffiene drastically, get heartburn from nearly everything I do eat (how the hell do you get heartburn from a damned donut?), and am pretty uncomfortable. I have another 12 weeks to go. I don't really want to have a string cheese and an apple for a snack, I want a Payday bar. I don't want peanut butter and honey on sprouted wheat bread for breakfast - I want a sausage, egg, and cheese croissant. How about some jellybeans?
This is awful because I *should* be oh-so-motivated because of the baby. That's why it's taken me 2 weeks just to own up to it enough to write this post.
I'm up to 18 U NPH at dinner and 10 U at breakfast to try and stay in range. My A1C is going to blow this month, I'm sure of it.
I guess the way to get back on board is to start journalling my food and meal/snack planning every day in advance. *sigh*

Pre-schooler Cuteness

2007-03-29T13:23:00.000-06:00

Kimo has been talking to Maile via my belly button on most nights. Particularly since he saw the 3-d photo of her. Last night he whispered "Hello little sister, I have got some mail for you" and jammed his finger into my belly button. It was SO CUTE.
Yesterday, I picked him up from daycare/preschool/whathaveyou - we call it "school". He put his jacket on and a little girl came over and said "Bye Bye Kimo" and held her arms out for a hug. He hugged her back gently and I would have given $1000 to have my camera on me at that moment. We turned to leave and another little girl came running over for a full-body hug and sloppy cheek kiss. It wasn't as cute, it was too obviously inspired by jealousy, but it was cute nonetheless. He is a little ladies' man. When he was a baby, I noticed that he responded more to women than men, and the trend continues.
My favorite lately is the way he will laugh with me, then get serious and say "Mommy, you are my best buddy".
Awwwwwwwwww.
And you are mine, too, Kimo.

Visual DNA

2007-03-27T10:45:00.000-06:00

This is pretty cool. It's interesting to see the finished product that is you.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Breaking News!

2007-03-26T20:48:00.000-06:00

I'm psychic!
Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental drug overdose!!!
I announced this the day her tragic demise hit the news!
Now I shall train my enormous powers on the DNA test.

3rd Trimester!

2007-03-24T08:42:00.000-06:00

Wow, I have started the 3rd trimester, 7th month. Hard to believe. I still worry far too much. Poor baby's cortisol level is going to be much elevated above what it should be.
First Kimo started with the cold symptoms on Thursday, then da Kane on Friday, now me today. Great, another weekend with a houseful of sickies. Da Kane has a MAN-COLD, of course, so he is oh-so-much sicker than anybody else. :-)
Sugars have been going up again. Currently on 18 U of NPH at dinner, and 8 U at breakfast, along with the 2000 mg of Metformin daily. This is normal and good, I keep telling myself - it means the placenta is doing a good job. 28 weeks is when they generally test for gestational diabetes because the insulin resistance produced by the placenta is reaching it's peak.
Need to talk to a couple more doulas and then decide. Da Kane wants to talk to my final choice, but I do think we will be having a labor doula.
Having issues with palpitations, blood pressure and rapid weight gain this week, but ob/gyn assures me it's not toxemia. BP at wal-mart yesterday was 110/65 - much more normal for me. Dropped 2 lbs this morning, so the gain must have been a lot of water.
Hey, it's snowing outside! Gotta love Colorado!

Can we talk?

2007-03-21T18:04:00.000-06:00

Da Kane is out at the store with Kimo! I.AM.ALONE.IN.MY.HOME.
WOW. It's even been 90 minutes. This is sooooo coooooool. I think it should be mandatory that I get several of these evenings a month!
I must run go do stuff without a 3 year old's help! And blast my music! Yippee!
PS. Current physical conditions I would complain about if I weren't so grateful to be 6 months pregnant:

Enough gas to light up Denver daily
Constipation that colace cannot touch
Heartburn that worsens every day and laughs at extra strength tums, gaviscon and/or milk/bananas/etc.
Heartburn that becomes little mini throw-ups in my mouth in the middle of the night and wake me up most alarmingly
Newest of the bunch - pounding and palpitating heart. BP was 130/84 and doc wasn't worried - I rarely go over 110/68, so this was shocking to me
Dizziness
Moods that cause me to lie awake for 45 mins before tromping downstairs to attack my innocent husband over the most minor of infractions.

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

2007-03-16T05:32:00.000-06:00

99 days til my due date! We're in the double digits!
For some reason this pic didn't scan as good as it looks IRL (In Real Life), but you can definitely see little Maile, her hands in front of her face, and a foot there too!
All is relatively well. Interviewed a Doula yesterday and I think I really would like one, just need to convince Da Kane of the reasons for the cost and perhaps talk to a couple more.
In a typical low self-esteem reaction; the Doula recommended that I definitely talk to a couple more before making my decision and I decided that meant she didn't like me and didn't really want to work with me but didn't want to turn down the $ and say no. ARGHHH. I hate the way my mind leaps to negative conclusions as a first impulse!
The dictionary defines Doula as "a woman experienced in childbirth who provides advice, information, and emotional support to a mother before, during, and just after childbirth". Since I have no family left that I would want to labor with me, or who are even close enough to consider it; and because I want to avoid another c-section, I think this would be a good thing for me. Da Kane will be there for me, for sure, but I don't think many man are as good at emotional support as women. Then my frugal side kicks in and says it would be a waste of money, and it ain't cheap.

Ultrasound & Lucky Charms

2007-03-14T10:42:00.000-06:00

I had my monthly ultrasound on Monday. Maile is measuring right on for dates, and all looks fine. Because of the diabetes, I will get monthly ultrasounds to make sure baby isn't getting too big. It is quite a relief. And so COOL to watch. They flipped the machine onto 3-d and I have some great pics, if I can get around to scanning and cropping them, I will post one.
Interesting that in this day and age of identity theft, my social security number is on every single one of the u/s prints.
Blood sugars have been fine, but diet is a bit off. I succumbed to the St Patrick's Day marketing and got a big box of Lucky Charms - they're Magically Delicious - don't cha know! Definitely not on the diabetes diet, or the pregnancy diet, but oh so yummy. I don't think I've had any in 2 or 3 years. What's truly amazing is that they don't do a number on my sugar levels any more than Cheerios or Oatmeal. Strange.

Oh, W(h)ine!

2007-03-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

I really don't mean to whine, I am THRILLED to pieces over being 25 weeks pregnant. I was beginning to believe that I'd never get this far again.
But I doubt and dread and worry a lot too. This morning my fasting level was 76! My target is <90 and usually is 85ish. My first thought was that the placenta and it's insulin resistant hormones were crapping out and thus my 16U of NPH last night went much further than I thought. Upon further reflection, I was VERY active yesterday compared to normal and I ate a light dinner, didn't snack after dinner and it was 2 hours later than I normally get up.
Of course, if the placenta should start crapping out at this point, it would be pretty harsh for little Maile.
If I go more than 2 hours without feeling baby movements, I go off on a similar catastrophic thinking thread. Same thing with every oddball ache and pain, of which there are many.
I'm also feeling very unhappy with myself as a person of late. I procrastinate way, way, way too much. I have it elevated to an artform of sorts, an unattractive, smelly artform.
I am also lazy, slothful and full of more than my share of gluttony.
I am feeling very "less than" at work, which causes me to want to point the finger at everyone else, another very unattractive trait.
I took a holiday Friday just to try and get caught up with laundry and housework, so of course, I end up doing less than usual today, so I will be no further ahead than normal.
I have to work tomorrow, something I have been putting off for nearly 6 months, and I am resentful of it. I am REALLY resentful of the comments coming from the paid support people who bring up the length of time this issue has been sitting out there. A) the systems are still functioning just fine and B) WE pay YOUR company thousands of dollars a month, do you really need to get snide with the client?
I stopped by the wine store and got some red Zinfandel, my doc has ok'd a glass now and again, so I am having one tonight. Unfortunately, I once had a good red Zin that I enjoyed, so I keep chasing that dream, but this one is much too dry for my tastes. I should have just gotten a blush, I suspect this will end up being an eleven dollar glass of wine cause I won't keep the rest of the bottle for another time.
And WHAT is UP with the plastic corks? Why can't they make one that will go back into the bottle?