What Would Thembi Do?

Holiday Hiatus

2008-12-30T13:36:00.004-05:00

2009 is going to mean some big changes, including a relaunch of WWTD, so posting will be light or nonexistent until January 6 while I finish everything up. Have a great New Year's!

UPDATE: I can now be found at www.whatwouldthembido.com, which is still a work in progress so bear with me!

Fresh Black Girls: Eartha Kitt!

2008-12-26T15:46:00.004-05:00

If not for my chronic procrastination and Eartha Kitt's obvious status as a Fresh Black Girl, I would have honored her well before her passing on Christmas Day at the age of 81. She's always been one of my favorite entertainers because she seriously resembles my grandmother, whose non-celebrity freshness knows no bounds. But it's particularly fitting that I never felt pressed to mention how much we should all kind of want to be like Eartha, considering she was hotter as a senior citizen than most of us were during our early twenties, and easily has more talent in one of her sizzling gams than say, Beyonce, has in her entire Master Cleansed body. Not to slight the young ladies of today, but none of them do it like Eartha Kitt. Her unique voice and overwhelming charisma let her cut a path through the entertainment world that few will ever be able to follow. This is a woman who was born on a plantation in South Carolina, went on to be one of the first black women on television through her role as Catwoman in Batman, and didn't stop commanding audiences for her singing and stagework until the day she died. She even had a famous altercation with the Johnson administration, speaking out against the Vietnam war during a White House luncheon, back-talk that promptly earned her a spot on the Hollywood blacklist. Miss Kitt was bad, and her's is a fantastic black American story.

Coincidentally, I caught her guest starring on a 1995 episode of Living Single playing a character similar to the frightening seductress Lady Eloise in 1992's Boomerang. Can you imagine knowing that you're inherently more fly than Robin Givens, yet still playing the role of an older woman on the prowl? Am I weird for incessantly repeating "Maaaah-cus Dahhhling" whenever I rock my mother's mink stole? Check out this clip to remind yourself how it's supposed to be done:

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T10:18:00.001-05:00

Random, I know, but this photo just expresses my feelings about the season this year. Hope you all have a fantastic holiday!

A Different World Christmas!

2008-12-23T08:55:00.001-05:00

I love, love, LOVE Christmas episodes of sitcoms, but A Different World's "The Twelve Steps of Christmas," from Season 5 (1991) is my absolute favorite. Sit back and get settled, we're about to watch some TV together.

Ok, the set-up is that Dwayne and Whiteley recently broke off their engagement, and both are trying (in vain, of course) to move on. To help out, Jaleesa invites Whitley to Christmas dinner, but so does Colonel Taylor. Whoops! To prove how "over it" they are, they both go anyway (I've been in similar situations before, it's so holiday). All of this action occurs during a particularly misguided period on ADW plotwise (Jaleesa and the Colonel are pregnant, Ron and Kim are dating), but during a time where director Debbie Allen really nails it and the writing is impeccable. Take note of Bebe Drake as Mrs. Gaines and Debbie Allen as Dr. Langhorne in a cone bra and silly wig.

Before I start this next half may I please point out the ridiculous positioning of Kwanzaa through Terence and his ambiguously African garb and dancing? I really think that black consciousness was stumbling during the early nineties, and Terence's buffoonery exemplifies that dark time in our modern history. Anyway, when the Dr. Langhorne character shows up Debbie Allen steals the entire episode with her spot-on delivery and physical comedy. It is truly hilarious and cements "Relax, Relate, Release!" as an effective coping technique.

Merry Christmas!!!

Homey Claus!

2008-12-23T06:57:00.000-05:00

I think I'm getting into the spirit...

El Func

2008-12-21T18:44:00.002-05:00

This must have taken place a few years ago for Mystikal to have been an option, but I reserve the right to be appalled today anyway. This guy reminds me of my high school trigonometry teacher Mr. Goldman.

Who Am I? Answer

2008-12-19T13:40:00.002-05:00

No hints.

UPDATE: Freestyle music isn't just for Puerto Ricans. This is Shannon, of "Let The Music Play," fame, correctly identified by fatblkboy. This one wasn't too hard I guess, it must have been the mole and the braids. Shannon is still recording and I know everyone loves "Let The Music Play," but I think I've heard that song one too many times. Instead, check out 1984's "Give Me Tonight."

Old School Friday: Christmas Music

2008-12-19T07:57:00.002-05:00

I've been a Scrooge so far this year, so hopefully posting some of my favorite Christmas jams will get me into the spirit.

In retrospect, TLC's "Sleigh Ride" from 1993 sounds like straight parody. Between that soon-to-be classic TLC dance and the vocal arrangement, if In Living Color had done a "what if TLC had a Christmas song," skit this video would be the result. Pay special attention to the tattered overalls they're rocking towards the end...

Ok, every year I look forward to hearing the Puff Daddy and The Family verision of "Santa Baby." I only have Onyx's portion of the video but what's clear is that Justine Simmons is singing the hook, and Salt N' Pepa, Mase, and Run DMC all represent on this 1997 latecomer to my canon of Christmas faves. You can grab the mp3 here.,

Last but not least, it isn't Christmas without the television specials. From Charlie Brown to John Grin's to one of my favorite A Different World episodes, Christmas television is what has always made it Christmas in my couch potato latch-key kid life. So whatchu know about A Claymation Christmas Special? In 1987 we had the nerve to be all over some singing dried grapes (who were clearly of Negro extraction). Even if you don't remember seeing this as a kid take a look, it's adorable.

Check Out Other Old School Friday Participants!
1. MrsGrapevine 2. Marvalus 3. Regina 4. Marcus Langford 5. Quick 6. Chocl8t 7. Cassandra 8. Kreative Talk 9. Lisa C 10. Invisible Woman 11. Vivrant Thing 12. Shawn Williams 13. Electronic Village 14. Hagar's Daughter 15. Danielle Vyas 16. DP 17. Dee 18. FreshandFab 19. LaShonda 20. AJ 21. Sharon 22. Believer1964 23. Shae-Shae 24. Danielle 25. sjp 26. msladydeborah 27. Thembi

Obscure Black C-Listers: T.K. Carter

2008-12-18T00:51:00.001-05:00

What really happened to T.K. Carter? The Missing Person police are satisfied as long as IMDB.com lists a few recent credits for an actor, but Thembi is not. He broke into the industry at the age of twelve with a stand up comedy routine featuring an impressive Bill Cosby impression. If you really have an eagle eye for these things you'll remember that he played J.J.'s friend Head on Good Times in one of his first television roles (you know, part of the "Awesome Foursome"). T.K. Carter was a serious mainstay on 80's sitcoms! He starred in John Carpenter's The Thing, the short-lived sitcom Just Our Luck where he played a jive-talking genie, and had supporting roles on Punky Brewster and Good Morning Miss Bliss (the precursor to Saved By The Bell). As if things couldn't get any more eighties, he even voiced a character on the cartoon Jem and was in 1989's Polly, a WWTD favorite. The nineties brought Carter bit parts here and there on The Steve Harvey Show, The Sinbad Show, and The Gregory Hines Show - do you see a pattern there? Carter really shone in 2000's critically acclaimed The Corner, earning both Black Reel and NAACP award nominations. Since then he's had bit parts here and there (Everybody Hates Chris, Domino) but nothing major. Maybe he's doing stand up or theater that I can't find any information on, or maybe he's going through some personal issues; his 1991 DUI and arrest for car theft are a red flag, but I won't speculate. Maybe he just doesn't feel like acting anymore, but I'd love to see T.K. Carter back in the mix!

RuPaul Does Double Duty

2008-12-16T17:19:00.005-05:00

RuPaul as both Michelle and Barack Obama. Pretty clever.

I've actually been wondering about RuPaul lately. His absence from the limelight these past few years has allowed some serious weave and pancake face-makeup violations to go under-criticized, and is probably at least indirectly responsible for the rise of Beyonce. It's no matter now, though. Without getting into a full-on treatise about drag queens and the pain/pleasure that they have inflicted on me in the past, I'm going to at least try to watch RuPaul's new show on Logo, Drag Race. It's a drag queen competition reality show, of course, featuring Santino from Project Runway and all types of celebrity guests as judges. Sounds like part exploitation, part irritation, part total trash, and a whole bunch of "you betta work"s flying back and forth. Or basically the video for "Supermodel" stretched into twelve thirty-minute episodes, which I simply have to post because my girl Lawanda Page is in it. Sashay, Shante!

What's Beef?

2008-12-15T08:30:00.004-05:00

You may have heard that on Sunday, during a surprise visit to Baghdad, President Bush had a pair of shoes thrown at him by an Iraqi journalist. The shoe thrower shouted "this is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog!" Check it out:

All of the news outlets are reporting that the incident was highly symbolic; Iraqis used their shoes to beat the statue of Saddam Hussein after his overthrow and in Arab culture it is considered rude to show someone the soles of your shoes. During my trip to the Gulf I was in fact warned not to put my feet up in any way that would subject another person to the bottoms of my feet. World cultures are so fascinating to me, but not as fascinating as people just wilin' out. Remember the two little Russian ladies beating each other with their handbags? Or how about the Romanian politicians who threw water on each other during a televised debate? People wile out all over the world, and all of this got me to thinking, what's a fair one according to black folks? In no particular order:

1. Spitting. Spitting in some one's face is pretty much universally disgusting and is almost always grounds for a thrashing. But I think that that the spitting thing went to new heights thanks to VH-1's Flavor of Love, when Pumpkin spit in New York's face. This incident created a way for the viewer to actually have sympathy for the beast that is Tiffany Pollard, thereby positioning her as a ridiculous, mildly likable yet intolerable Celebreality star. Most of us wouldn't play ourselves by trying to get a Gremlin like Flava Flav to fall in love with us, but after seeing that nuclear loogie fly into New York's face most of us screamed at the television "No WAY I'd let that little white girl spit on me!"

2. The old pie in the face. When I was a kid and went to Girl Scout camp, a food fight would break out from time to time. Guess who was not trying to participate and usually ended up in tears by the end of it? That's right, the black girls. Not only was there no way I was going to get cake icing in my cornrows only halfway through a three week stint in the woods, but putting food on someone is the height of disrespect where I come from. It's wasteful, and my hair is not wash-n-go!

3. Step on a sneaker. Once upon a time the illest dancer got all the girls - it was cute to be out there doing the Kid n' Play or breakdancing in beat up footwear with worn-out knees on your jeans. Then along came crack rock and the drug culture; by the late eighties, if you weren't fresh to death you were getting NO play whatsoever, and the hot sneaks went from simple Shell-Tops and Chucks to elaborate $100+ pieces of athletic equipment. It is very real out there when it comes to scuffing a black man's kicks! Thank you Michael Jordan and Nike, you created a new form of beef, and thanks to Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing, even white people know not to go there.

4. Throwing or pulling braids, tracks, or ponytail pieces. I cannot tell you how many clueless white girls have pulled on my hair only to be met with a reflex swat of the arm. And I know that using fake hair as weaponry is not a rampant form of wilin' out but I have seen it done. Fake hair can be really coarse, the pins and clips required can definitely leave welts, and if you're really in a fight it's best to take off any wigs (and earrings) beforehand anyway. I tell ya, you're just not sufficiently proud to be a black American unless said pride can endure watching a chick gather up a handful of her own braids and slap someone with them.

5. Say something about somebody's Momma. The oldest beef in the book, simply saying "Ya Moms!" to someone is always a fair one. Bringing some one's mother into a standoff, unless it's within the context of "The Dozens" is little more than a code for "let's fight." The insulter probably has very little actual information on the insultee's mother, and the insultee knows that. Still, the very mention of anyone's imaginary Momma usually leads to fisticuffs.

6. Hot Grits. Throwing hot grits on a nigga is the quintessential black woman settin'-it-off move. First of all, it requires that there are hot grits to be had, which is such a Southern condition that you gotta love it. Furthermore, you really have to want to burn someone up if you throw hot food on them that is near impossible to just wash off. Al Green famously endured burns over 80% of his body thanks to an enraged woman wielding a pan of boiling grits, and since then throwing hot grits on a man has been first in the arsenal of a black woman fed up, often the suggested route for abused women. I must admit, it's definitely a game-ender and the first thing I would pull if I had to!

Please school me on anything I may have left out in the comments!

Food For Thought...

2008-12-13T15:58:00.005-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but when I see an eggshell-colored man in a fedora, face mask, scarf, sari, and bedroom slippers, I just know that it's Michael Jackson. So why does he think it's a "disguise"?

Obscure Black C-Listers: Kelly Perine

2008-12-12T18:49:00.003-05:00

Poor Kelly Perine. He is the perfect example of a black actor whose resume would suggest you know his name, but few people do. Perine has been acting almost his entire life, starting out as a stand-up comedian and moving to commercials, earning an MFA, and finally landing a series of bit parts and recurring roles on sitcoms. In addition to recurring roles on black shows like One on One and Hanging With Mr. Cooper, he's had more visibility than most actors could ever hope for through parts on the mainstream vehicles Providence and The Drew Carey Show. His contribution tends to consist of meathead shtick (Living Single, The Practice, The Parent'hood), or a nervous, straight-laced corniness demonstrated by character Dusty on the short-lived Between Brothers. He currently stars in Under One Roof, where he plays "Walter Hill, a wealthy, conservative man whose ex-convict brother, Calvester, moves in and turns the family’s life upside down." Oh, Calvester is played by Flava Flav, which means that Perine's squareness has crossed over into coon-enabling behavior. See, now he done messed up, and I have to keep an eye on him forever.

Old School Fridays: Favorite Band

2008-12-12T14:50:00.004-05:00

Is Wu-Tang Clan a band? Let's say that they are, at least in that "band of merry Negroes" sense a la Robin Hood. Otherwise I'd have to bore you with my nerdy superfan obsession with Queen and the life of Freddie Mercury. The Wu is way more intriguing for these purposes, especially since they straddle the line between what is old school and what is contemporary. You know you're an old head if you think Wu-Tang is a group; you're a young jawn if you think its a dance. As a grown woman, I looooove me some Wu and always will. There's never been anyone quite like them - part martial arts, part hood, part insanity, and all grit.

Last night I went to a hip-hop show and one of those young boys had on one of those young sweatshirts that the kids are wearing. It looked just like those red, black, and white "D.A.R.E." shirts from back in the day but instead it said "C.R.E.A.M." The kid was probably no more 5 years old back in '93 when Wu's debut album, Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers), came out with this single. Wu endures.

Did you know that there are 300 artists that consider themselves Wu-Tang affiliates? Out of all of those dudes, the solo album successes of Wu-Tang Clan can pretty much be counted on one hand. I'm rather biased because as a teenager I LOVED Method Man and still kind of do, although the grown woman in me has a whole new set of feelings about Ghostface if you know what I mean. Raekwon's "purple tape", 1995's Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, spawned a jam for the ladies featuring both of them, the honeydip anthem "Ice Cream." I still want one of those t-shirts!

"Triumph," from 1997's very underrated Wu-Tang Forever double disc gets my vote for best posse cut ever. The video is also a great little who's who of the Clan. My only issues are that ODB is not really on this track while Capadonna, not one of the original members, has a full verse. Call me a purist but I always resented that guy. My favorite part of this video is at the end when Ghostface gives Raekwon that smooch!

Of course I could only pick a few, but what's your favorite Wu joint? I'm really curious so please comment.

Check Out Other Old School Friday Participants! 1. MrsGrapevine 2. Marvalus 3. Regina 4. Marcus Langford 5. Quick 6. Chocl8t 7. Cassandra 8. Kreative Talk 9. Lisa C 10. Invisible Woman 11. Vivrant Thing 12. Shawn Williams 13. Electronic Village 14. Hagar's Daughter 15. Danielle Vyas 16. DP 17. Dee 18. FreshandFab 19. LaShonda 20. AJ 21. Sharon 22. Believer1964 23. Shae-Shae 24. Danielle 25. sjp 26. msladydeborah 27. Thembi

Who Am I?

2008-12-11T17:20:00.000-05:00

No hints.

The Epitome of Black Foolishness

2008-12-11T16:29:00.011-05:00

Advice: Don't lie about your name when it's on your neck

If you're going to give the police a fake name, you might not want to have your real name tattooed on your neck.

That's what St. Paul police say happened this morning.

Officers saw two men crossing a street, but not in a crosswalk, at Forest Street and Minnehaha Avenue about 12:50 a.m., according to a police report. Officers then saw them walking in the street, though there were sidewalks. Both acts violate St. Paul ordinances, the report said.

Police stopped the men and planned to warn them about the violations, the report said. One man was evasive about his identification, telling police he had never had a picture ID, according to the report.

"In an attempt to deceive officers, he gave the name Darnell Lewis," the report said. "Officers investigated further and with the help of the large tattoo on the male's neck that read 'Frazier,' they were able to identify him."

His real name: Darnell Louis Frazier.

There were five arrest warrants out for the 25-year-old St. Paul man, the report said. One was a felony warrant for parole violation, and four were misdemeanor warrants — two for no proof of insurance, one for driving after revocation and one for driving after suspension, according to the report.

Frazier was booked into the Ramsey County jail.

In 2002, Frazier pleaded guilty to the Sept. 20, 2001, burglary of an Arab-owned convenience store in St. Paul — a crime his accomplice told police was revenge for the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Thembi Says: Should we laugh or cry? I can hardly dissect the tangled web of nihilism that would make a black man (a)get his name tattooed on his neck, (b)rack up FIVE arrest warrants, (c)draw attention to himself while dodging five arrest warrants, (d)lie about his identity when approached by police, and (e)the real kicker, FAIL to incorporate the name on his neck into said lie! It takes a special kind of dummy to be this bad at life. Can I also say that the neck tattoo is a serious problem and needs to start coming up in conversation about trends that are bad for black folks along with saggy pants? I won't lie, I have my own name tattooed on my body, and I feel silly about that sometimes. But there is little you can do to yourself that marginalizes you in society as much as putting your name permanently on your neck. Combine the tatt with that fuzzy FROnytail and you may as well just fill out the Burger King application on the way home from the tattoo shop. This is why there will always be white people who openly dislike black folk, especially distrusting those with names like "Darnell". I wish I could whoop his behind, scrub him down, and put him in a turtleneck sweater. By the way, he's wack for that 9/11 nonsense.

Odds & Ends

2008-12-11T11:41:00.002-05:00

Do you guys like pictures of black people? 'Cause I love 'em! Hank Willis Thomas is a fantastic photographer and artist, who uses advertising to question who we are. His fantastic work can be found here.

I feel salty and unaccomplished from time to time, but I can't be anything but super hype and impressed by my dear friend Julian Breece, whose very first film, The Young And Evil, was just accepted into the Sundance Film Festival! Not only did he beat out over 6,000 other shorts to make it into the elite group of 96 that will be showing, the film itself is a piece of visually stunning genius and his coattails are so ripe for me to ride. Check out the trailer through the link.

So I'm trying to take myself more seriously, or maybe it's less seriously, I'm not sure. The long and the short is that I can now be found on Twitter as thembithembi. So if you ever found yourself wondering what Thembi is up to at any given moment, there it is.

I'm glad that Obama-mania has calmed down a bit, but if you're still riding the wave there are many chuckles and thoughtful moments to be had at Art of Obama. Obama naked on a unicorn is a painting that my rumpus room could do without, but there are also some nice pieces.

I thought about making this video this week's "What The Eff?" Wednesday post, but the last time I posted something this foul I got too many complaints. So, proceed at your own risk to see a human man with a blowhole (or maybe a second anus). Gross.

Who Am I?: Answer

2008-12-10T11:54:00.003-05:00

Y'all, this is the most glamorous Glamourshot promo photo I've ever seen. Not only does it have more potential for joke-crackin' than almost any other dead-serious picture I've ever posted, but figuring out who this is will not be easy. The hint is that one member went solo and only four of the men pictured here are orginal members.

UPDATE: See, this is exactly the kind of Who Am I that I hate doing, because y'all don't know how to act. How is jazzfan360 gonna say "Well, that second from the left is CLEARLY Mr Gaines from A Different World. Who let his old ass outta The Pit?"? How is bklyn6 gonna say "All that picture is missing is Al Reynolds and Jonathan Plummer."? And after all of this joke crackin' back and forth not one of you took the time to mention the way dude on the far left is caressing Mr Gaines' fur collar, nor the suspicious gender profile of the dude in the center.

Ever the focused one, Kim from The Punkin Patch nailed it with the first guess. This is The Deele, the '80s group that used to also include Babyface and L.A. Reid. They are still recording (look them up on MySpace if you're curious), and in spite of how throwback they look in this photo, don't let it be said that they're stuck in the eighties. This video for 1988's "Two Occasions," now THIS is eighties.

Is Nothing Sacred?

2008-12-09T13:52:00.005-05:00

The Cosby Show Gets Turned Into A Porn Movie

Doctor Huxtable goes XXX

Bill Cosby's beloved sitcom The Cosby Show has been given an x-rated re-style - it's set to be turned into a porn movie spoof.

The hit 1980s show, which starred Cosby as the patriarch of a middle-class family, will be reworked for the adult film market.

The film, titled Not The Cosbys XXX, has started production with a porn star playing Cliff Huxtable - the part made famous by Cosby.

Producer Jeff Mullen tells New York Gossip column PageSix that sexy scenes will take place in a set resembling Lisa Bonet's character Denise Huxtable's bedroom.

Thembi Says: I don't know how, and I don't know why. All I know is that Bill Cosby is going to have a stroke when he hears about this. I'm already feeling queasy at the thought of a porn-star version of Vanessa.

Movie Review: Cadillac Records

2008-12-07T10:01:00.016-05:00

As soon as holiday feel-good movies start appearing in theaters I become flooded with a rushed anxiety about procuring Christmas presents, spending time with family, and other standard holiday stress. Last night I caught a matinee showing of Cadillac Records and left the theater impressed by the music and acting, but with more on my to-do list than when I arrived. The film, a sex, drug, and race issue-filled journey through blues and early rock n' roll, was jumpy, historically questionable, and left me with the need to spend at least an hour online researching the many characters whose true identities seemed obscured by the director's need to cram as much drama as possible into the one hour and 47 minute run time. Written and directed by Darnell Martin (I Like It Like That, Prison Song), Cadillac Records features fantastic performances by the majority of the cast, familiar toe-tapping music, and scenes set in smoky nightclubs that made me feel like I was ready to get up there and sing some blues. In spite of its often episodic and unreasonably vague storyline, it's an enjoyable evening at the cinema and a rare chance to see great black stories on film.

Cadillac Records tells the story of Chess Records, a small South Side Chicago recording studio that was the hub of blues and early rock n' roll from the late forties to late sixties. Leonard Chess, a Polish immigrant and founder of Chess Records, was played capably by Adrien Brody. Chess was a man who did everything he could to bridge the gap between the races, although it is left to question whether he paid his artists properly. If you know anything about the early music industry it's that Jewish producers fleeced black artists of royalties and ownership, paying them just enough that they could continue "the high life" of booze, women, that 'hay-ron', and a Cadillac here and there, a payment scheme from which the film gets its title. After first signing the father of blues Muddy Waters, Chess made stars of Little Walter (Columbus Short), Howlin' Wolf (Eamonn Walker), Chuck Berry (Mos Def), and Etta James (Beyonce Knowles). When I say that all of these actors did their thing in Cadillac Records, especially with the added task of doing their own singing, I really mean they did their thing.

As expected, Wright's portrayal of Muddy Waters was so seamless that I forgot he was even acting. Columbus Short (This Christmas, Stomp The Yard) stole every single one of his scenes and was so tragic and convincing that I barely recognized him from his earlier, lighter outings. I know Eamonn Walker best as Said from Oz and other 'square' characters, so he really shone as the looming, straight-offa-the-plantation Howlin' Wolf. Mos Def is one of my favorite people (I even watched and enjoyed the rather ridiculous Be Kind Rewind co-starring Jack Black), and as usual I found him adorable and genuine. Mos as the man who invented rock n' roll was a fun and humorous nugget without dismissing the gravity of Berry's contribution to history. Cedric The Entertainer is another personal favorite of mine, but he was miscast as songwriter Willie Dixon, a role that wasn't supposed to be funny at all but since Ced can't help himself the character ended up slightly muddy. And then there was wig-rockin', twenty-extra-pounds-in-her-hips, trying oh-so-hard Beyonce.

Let me first say, it's really unfortunate that Hollywood looks for female beauty first and female acting skills second. Gabrielle Union, who portrayed Muddy Waters' exhausted wife, may be so pretty that she lacks the ability to look sad, which made many of her scenes, especially those addressing Muddy's womanizing ways, pretty painful. That said, Beyonce surprised me by holding her own in this film, I'm just not sure if the Academy will be sufficiently fooled by all of this Oscar talk to nominate her for a movie as non-stellar as Cadillac Records. We all know how Hollywood works - the more times "Oscar" and "Beyonce" are said in the same sentence, the more likely it is that she'll actually get one. To her credit, Adrien Brody and Beyonce had the same kind of on-screen chemistry that helped earn Halle Berry an Oscar for Monster's Ball, one for which she couldn't help but thank Billy Bob Thornton. And Gwyneth Paltrow has an Oscar, why can't Bey get one? It also seems that Darnell Martin misused the energy that should have gone toward ironing out some of the sketchier details of the plot to craft scenes for Beyonce that would hide her naturally poor acting. The Etta James of Cadillac Records was all drama, drinkin', and drugs; Beyonce is way better off playing it sassy, distraught, and out of control than she is playing the diva (i.e. herself). Thanks to clever scene choices, we are spared Beyonce's clumsy diction and hip-swinging for most of the film, and she nails a few of James' classics in the studio scenes. Don't let the fact that she usually stinks it up keep you from seeing Cadillac Records!

It's a real shame that Cadillac Records suffers from problems that the director should have solved; it is the cast and the music that carries this movie from start to finish. Cadillac Records draws on the black experience in America to tell me a bunch of stuff I already know - the blues came straight outta share-croppin' Mississippi, white record producers got rich off of the talents of black performers, and there was a whole lot of racism floating around in the 1950's. There are plenty of people underneath rocks who don't realize that the Rolling Stones were NOT the founders of rock music and don't know the story of the original bluesmen. Those of us in the know will cry "Overkill!" at the film's belabored points that fame destroys the soul and that black folks had it rough. If you love the blues or early rock and roll, Cadillac Records will have you Googling every single artist featured in the film in search of the facts behind the sketchy history that Martin presents and of course, in search of more music. The bottom line, however, is that the focus on a time period in black American history always makes me feel warm and fuzzy, so I'd rather have any than none at all.

Score: Black folks and underrated actors getting the chance to shine in a holiday vehicle never hurt nobody, and I left with a new appreciation for blues and early rock n' roll. As much as I wish Cadillac Records was more focused as a film, at least I learned some black history (albeit from a post-theater YouTube/Wikipedia binge). The ticket was $9 and even though we're in a recession this is a positive black movie we're talking about here, so it was well worth it. If nothing else, go see it to counteract the upcoming Madea Goes To Jail. Cadillac Records is even mild enough to see with your parents, who will probably start talking about the good old days after the show, so make it bonding time! If you haven't seen it yet, check out the trailer below.

That's A Fair One

2008-12-06T14:21:00.004-05:00

I don't know much about Romania, but this clip of a televised Romanian election debate demonstrates that they are GANGSTA over there.

Apparently, the woman called the man "a bidet," and the man said that she "has a face like a bidet." What I really find fascinating is that Romanian Gwen Ifill who tried to calm them down. They have black people in Romania, say what? Read up about that here.

Old School Friday: Singers Turned Actors, Actors Turned Singers

2008-12-05T11:32:00.006-05:00

When it comes to black entertainers, there are so many double and triple threats that its no suprise when actors release albums or vice versa. As I've discussed before, the black sitcom has talent showcasing left and right, and more black c-listers than I can count have had moderate success in television and/or film but enjoy fruitful careers on Broadway. Having popular success in television/film as well as music is the true challenge.

That said, I've been waiting a long time to post these here videos so I'm loving this week's theme. Tisha Campbell already has Fresh Black Girl status with me, but do you remember her 1992 single "Push"? As the child of voice coaches, conventional wisdom would have one believe that Tisha Campbell would be a singer first and actor second, but things didn't work out that way in spite of the fact that she showcased her singing talent in almost every role (including singing "Push" on Martin). In my opinion, she waited to long to release her first single - pop stars can't hit the scene at the ripe old age of 24. I really hope the hat that she's wearing in this video never comes back into style.

Jasmine Guy has become somewhat of a tragic figure for me. I loved her as Whitley in A Different World, a role that occasionally spotlighted her dancing talent but usually had her singing like a buffoon for the sake of comedy. Jasmine Guy can sing, but her 1990 album Jasmine Guy kind of stunk - was she Jody Watley, Karyn White, or what? She wasn't at all believable as a singer or in music videos. I feel sorry for ol' girl these days. She is looking rather decrepit from head to toe and is on the verge of earning herself a spot in the Good Hair Gone Bad hall of fame. Remember, it's good black that don't crack. See if you remember 1990's "Another Like My Lover."

All Hail The Queen! I treated myself to a home pedicure and Living Single marathon last Saturday afternoon and realized that I really do love me some Queen Latifah. She's a New Jack triple threat as someone who can sing, act, and rap; no other female has led the hip-hop generation's domination of mainstream entertainment like Dana Owens. She kills it on 1991's "Latifah's Had It Up 2 Here." Her blazer/shoulder pad game was a force to be reckoned with!

Bonus: You know I had to do it. Poor Eddie Murphy. He set the low end of the bar for actors turned singers with 1985's "Party All The Time." Twenty-three years later and with Rick James gone, this song is so bad that it's good.

Check Out Other Old School Friday Participants! 1. MrsGrapevine 2. Marvalus 3. Regina 4. Marcus Langford 5. Quick 6. Chocl8t 7. Cassandra 8. Kreative Talk 9. Lisa C 10. Invisible Woman 11. Vivrant Thing 12. Shawn Williams 13. Electronic Village 14. Hagar's Daughter 15. Danielle Vyas 16. DP 17. Dee 18. FreshandFab 19. LaShonda 20. AJ 21. Sharon 22. Believer1964 23. Shae-Shae 24. Danielle 25. sjp 26. msladydeborah 27. Thembi

Signs and Wonders

2008-12-04T13:09:00.009-05:00

I feel like a domestically-abused sharecropper today. The last 24 hours of my life have been THE PITS.

First of all, my job is working my last strong nerve. I really do like and respect most of the people I work with, which is a real switch for me because y'all know I think I'm smarter than everyone else. But spending an hour in the car each way just to sit in this torture chamber they call a cubicle is really making me feel crazy. Part of the anxiety comes from the isolation, part of it comes from the fact that I have no door to close, which means anyone who decides they want a little Thembi in their lives can just pop on in and start rappin' about any old this n' that random mess that I sure do not care about! This one man comes over here at least monthly to make a song out of my name and sing it to me. This one woman wants to come in here and ask me about my hair and clothes at least weekly (yes, the same one who put her white hand in my hair). I didn't mention that she has this bleached mustache that is SO thick I swear it looks like Ron Burgundy gone on a Jolene Creme bleachin' binge. Lady, we see it. The sands of time have shifted. It's time to start waxing.

Last night I come into my apartment building and learn that one of the other tenants subscribes to some weird hunting magazine. I live in Center City Philadelphia, so there isn't much opportunity for huntin'. Pennsylvania even went blue this year, and here I am sharing a hallway with someone who probably has a hunting rifle in his crib. Skeevy! I'm absolutely anti-gun but I'm also pro-privacy, so of course I didn't leaf through the magazine to learn just how radical a rag it was. You know who are not pro-privacy? Google and Facebook. I have always used Google's sidebar ads as a barometer for whether or not I'm totally pathetic in the chats or emails I'm sending. For example, if I open a Google Chat between me and one of my girls and the sidebar ads are all like "How To Understand Men" or "Finding Love Online" I get rather sad. Facebook is even worse, because it shows me MAD ads about interracial dating. Maybe I do stalk a few whiteboys on Facebook (as is my right!), but can they at least try to lead me to the brothers instead of showing me MORE ads for Oprah's Acai Berry Diet? And how do they I know I need to lose weight for that matter?

Yeah, thats supposed to be me up there. I'm depressed enough about the cold weather that I may go to a tanning booth, because the only thing beachy about my life is that I feel like a beached whale. Recent weight gain, I have realized, has led to sleep apnea, which is a self diagnosis but I'm pretty sure thats what I have. The Jumpoff(s) say I snore like a brute, I've even woken myself up with my own snoring as of late, I've woken up more tired than when I went to bed, and I keep oversleeping. This morning I overslept, and part of that is due to the fact that an overly aggressive Korean client has my cell phone number and really doesn't care that the time difference means that his calling me at a time that's convenient for him translates to 6 AM in my world. So, I came downstairs late and got a parking ticket on my car, which I obviously cannot afford. That recession-based logic did not apply to my need for an Everything Bagel with Whitefish salad on it and a medium coffee at the local bagel shop, which I promptly put on my credit card just to lift my spirits. But please draw your attention toward the amount on the receipt:

$6.66? Are you freaking serious? Now, this would be pretty ridiculous on it's own, but let me tell you about my microwave. I did, in fact, keep it in the trunk of my car for a few months so I'm sure that it's worse for wear, but a few weeks ago it started beeping on its own and displaying one six, another six, and then a third six. Then it beeps a bunch of times and finally displays a fourth six. That's not exactly 666, but we are talking about sixes here, not eights, not zeros.

Looks like the mark of the beast is really my number lately, hunh?

Please recommend solutions to any of the above problems or just complain about your own ridiculous life in the comments section.

Who Am I?

2008-12-02T12:40:00.003-05:00

Colored But Canceled: On Our Own

2008-12-02T11:55:00.002-05:00

The Premise: The Jericho kids lose their parents in a car accident and the eldest brother, Josh (Ralph Harris) becomes responsible for raising his six siblings (played by Jurnee, Jussie, Jake, Jazz, Jocqui, and Jojo Smollet). Taking the black Party of Five concept one step further, Josh is forced to dress in drag and pose as "Aunt Jelcinda" to maintain custody of the clan for most of the series. Beyond this twist, On Our Own was standard family fare about growing up, family relationships, and of course "missing mom and dad."

How Did This Get On Television?: Can you imagine being a casting director and having the Smollet kids come into your office looking like a set of Russian Dolls? I'd have to find a way to put all of them in something, and in 1994 networks we're handing out black sitcom vehicles like America Online was giving out those free subscription CD's.

Why It Was Good: The Smollets were everything that television needed: sort of black and sort of white, there were older ones and younger ones, some were into music and others were into dancing, they wore hats and vests and all sorts of nutty patterns, and of course they had that hair. While the concept of six near identical mulatto moppets wore thin a little quickly, it was as fun getting to know each of their personalities and there were enough of them to not get sick of the age-specific plot lines.

Why It Was Bad: One of the most irritating aspects of the black family sitcom is when the casting director fails to consider the sheer impossibility of skin color variation among family members. Sure Sondra and Denise Huxtable were improbable, and the Vivian Banks switcheroo on Fresh Prince of Bel Air was a slap in the face, but what were we supposed to do with six biracial look-a-likes and one brown-skinned dude sporting what is clearly a nappy flattop? I'm sure not supposed to believe he's actually related to them, am I? In this case, we couldn't help but play "one of these things is not like the other." If I had Photo Shop skills I would put Barack Obama's face on top of Ralph Harris' in the above picture before you could say 'misecgenation.' Not only that, but the hair on this show was such an issue, and the Smollet kids were true victims. It was the mid-nineties, and mixed people hadn't yet found their place in the post-modern black hair spectrum, so as a result, we had to look at ridiculous dreads, mousse-laden puffs, and errant curls on foreheads a la El Debarge.

Best Episode: I can't call this one, and it's the fault of the show's creators. Every other episode had the Aunt Jelcinda sub-plot, and they played too many games with the letter "J". When Jurnee's sitcom name is Jordee, Jussie is Jesse, Jazz is Jai, and Jake is Joc, I can't help but let it all blur together. But I will take the time to proclaim my personal admiration for the introduction of T'Keyah Crystal Keymáh, who played a boarder in the house the second season and mixed things up with storylines that encroached on romance between her and Ralph Harris's character.

What Happened and Where Are They Now?: Ralph Harris has popped up from time to time, most recently in Dreamgirls. Meanwhile, the Smollet siblings have each gone their own paths. Jurnee Smollet had a fantastic turn in The Great Debaters and her career is always on the verge of really exploding. Check out the photos below for recent photos of (L-R) Jake and Jocqui, Jocqui and Jazz, Jurnee and Jussie, and Jojo, who are all still around and doing "stuff." Quite young, fly, and flashy, and apparently growing up with just enough good black to not crack.