The Sacred Frosted Cheerio

November

2009-11-09T01:20:00.002-06:00

I would have time to blog if I wasn't spending every waking moment doing homework! BLEH!

I do have to say, being back in Kansas City has brought back some spark to the heart though. I can safely say now that I left and returned for the right reasons.

How was your Halloween peeps?!

Did you get those leaves raked?

Ready for Thanksgiving?

I can't believe this year has come and gone in what feels like a blink of the eye! I'm already thinking about New Year's Eve plans!! Yeah and in case you haven't noticed, I'm skipping right over Christmas!!

What to look for in the next 30 days - UPDATES, a new 101 completed list and oh, wait for it, a new hijacked series.

God I knew you were waiting for just that!
Peace!

It's Near 2 AM ...

2009-09-14T02:00:00.000-05:00

Two am, and I'm still awake, writing a song, if I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to

A friend asked me tonight, why should they want to put their heart back on the line when it was so deeply broken?

I found it an ironic question, coming from the man who did the same thing to me. Not only did he ask me to be OK with it but then later tried to have sex with me as if I were going to be attracted to someone who just broke my heart into a million pieces.

How does one pick up the pieces, when you put your heart so deeply and freely into a relationship and the person on the other end of the phone, turns out to be a complete fake?

I wonder if J will ever truly have my heart? With the way it's so tightly locked up and protected from the last two morons, I'm not sure this relationship is even fair at this point.

I close my eyes and pray, every day, for just a piece of peace. Then I open my eyes and realize what reality I'm truly living in.

It's Over Rainbow

2009-09-10T01:15:00.000-05:00

Wow, is it the middle of September ALREADY? Where does the time fly when you are crazy busy at work, unpacking your entire house and still trying to attend school with no internet or cable to entertain the teenager, the man and the baby?

I am very sorry to all of you, those that never post comments but always email me. I *heart* you. I have opened comments for those moments of weakness that you feel you need to yell at me or tell me to pull my head out of my ass. Let's call this a truce, you post comments and I can delete the 1200+ emails in my box? Ok, love you!

I just have to revisit this one last time, I don't understand how I'm supposed to drop a relationship when someone dangles interest in me. For example, one would ask me, "Do you think there is an opportunity for us to give 'us' a second chance?"

Now, my immediate thought on this before answering is - what are the circumstances from the previous attempt and what are the circumstances surrounding 'us' now? Hmmm .. that is such a compelling question when the situation regarding the past, isn't so bad.

What is SO ironic is the people asking those questions of me. Hello, where the hell have you been? Do you actually remember HOW things ended with us? Seriously.

Oh, another thought to that. Just because J and I are having our issues, is not an invitation to plant seeds in my head about some dilusional future that we can't even consider because you are in a relationship with another woman as we speak.

How are men wired? To have it all? Is there some circuit missing from men that connects the dots to WHY these questions and situations are WRONG?

I'm OK with venting these days, I don't care who reads. I've said it a hundred times that I need to do this facelift for Cheerio. I don't feel inspired unless I'm pissed or aggravated, so I'm making it a point to write stuff down while I'm throwing shit at J. He doesn't mind at all, it gives him an opportunity to duck.

My last note to myself tonight, I was thinking about changing my tag/label for the "men" to "morons" but then I realized as I was taggin this post, I didn't even give them their own tag, they don't deserve it.

You Remind Me of an 80's Song

2009-08-22T23:00:00.001-05:00

I can't help but love being in Kansas City. The weather over the past week has been deliriously exciting. Thunderstorms then a wonderous 60-70 degree front, that just kicks ass. I wonder if a person being in the right city at the right time can bring on an alignment of wonderous weather, because honestly it all feels so right.

I miss Texas. I miss the opportunity to go to Arizona with my boss man. I miss a lot of things, but not as much as the wonder of Kansas City. It's old fashioned. Bitches here are snobs. Being "heavy" isn't so acceptable. The history though, is amazing. The food to die for. The excitement of a small town and the relaxing nature of never having to be anywhere, because people and things are everywhere.

I remembered why I was so ready to leave KC. I was a broken woman, low self esteem and a lost soul. I welcomed Texas as my avenue to a new life and God I am so glad I took it. It reinforced who I was and who I could be. I made myself strong and I found myself and my place in KC. I'm not better than these people, but I have not closed myself off to the rest of the world, I have embraced it.

My goal in life is to be happy, have fun, enjoy my FAMILY. And yet so few people fit into this SMALL circle. It's small and you need an invitation in. So bitches sit back and step off, I have a life to live and if you're lucky, I'll allow you to enjoy it from my view.

The Shortest Stint In Mankind

2009-08-19T17:30:00.001-05:00

Three weeks and two days. Yeah that is the shortest amount of time I have ever spent at a job. I'm not even sure I will put it on my resume. Ok, maybe I will because it was a pretty kick ass job.

So I'm leaving. I did NOT burn bridges, thank you God! But I feel bad for the job I am about to leave and yeah I STILL can't talk about it. I can say I'll be heading back to my old employer, just here in Kansas City. Things are still crazy, shit will hit the freaking fan on Wednesday (my first day) but hopefully I have enough SKILLZ to reign in all in.

To top it all off, they just brought my name plate, C has tried to talk me into swiping it before I go Tuesday. I'm still debating!

Momma, Where Did They All Come From?

2009-08-15T23:55:00.001-05:00

I'm two weeks into my new job and my old job just intervened. I guess I should be blessed that I have a job or two competing for my talent, but let me just say I NEVER AGAIN want to be in this position again. I'm stressed out my wazoo! I am not sure how it's all going to go down and yeah, I can't really talk about it yet.

Sometimes I Should Put Money Down

2009-08-12T23:55:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure what it is about stupid men in my life, but I SWARE I should put money down about the bad choices they make. Did I not call the live-in girl would be a girlfriend? Why lie? Why even lie to me? I mean COME ON! Seriously.

So another dickhead seriously pissing me off, is the married one. Oh wait, there are two. I would really like to know where it says on my forehead, PLEASE DISRESPECT ME? Why get married if you have no intention of staying faithful, no matter how bad it is. If you aren't happy, um, leave.

I know, I know, you all are asking about J - I'm over it. Whatever. Like I want to put up with ANOTHER mans issues? Compare to the three fuckheads I just talked about, J's issues are minor and I can certainly learn to deal with it. DEALING.

More later, I'm at least trying to keep up with the times here!

Uhh .. Did I Miss Something?

2009-08-09T01:30:00.001-05:00

Maybe the memo on going to a FRAT bar and feeling like the cougar after all the youngins. I seriously felt like my nephew and his friends were going to walk in at any moment. Oh, and to top it all off, the snobs talking about us, while we were sitting at the table? I'm sorry. I am. Had I would have stayed and continued to drink, I would have been kicking some ass and being thrown out of yet another bar I should have never stepped foot in, to begin with!

And let's just be perfectly clear here, I WENT - I STAYED nearly TWO HOURS and you know that feeling of your head nearly exploding? Ok that was me when I was ready to leave. Yeah, I didn't say goodbye, but you know what, it was WELL DESERVED after inviting me to such a LOOSER joint!

Ok, I've vented. I'm over it. Next.

Oh Yeah I'm Alive ..

2009-08-01T23:55:00.001-05:00

Alive in KC! Helllloooo my peeps!?! Let me just say that between June and today so much has happened, I have to block it all out in my head just to keep things straight.

So my first update for all you alive and kicking on the other side of the screen, I finally landed a job in KC and oHHoHH is it SWEEET! I start on Monday and I can't talk about it, but trust me it's something I can live with.

Second - the dog is gone! When I say enough is enough and cry uncle, please know that it is NOT in my nature and that you should respect where the crazy woman is coming from or else it could go fatal attraction on your ass!

So I'm in KC for the next MONTH before our house is ready to move into. Can anyone say PARTY!? Kidding. Can anyone say - I finally have time to do my homework and not feel that I'm being pulled in 3 million different directions! No man nagging for no reason and no kiddos. In two weeks Aero comes in, but she will be so busy with school, I think I'll be able to stay on schedule.

More to come. Peace out!

Operation Aborted

2009-06-27T19:44:00.002-05:00

This is the message I got when I logged in today. What is the internet trying to tell me? Why can't I view my own page? I know it's been bad lately, but I've been busy doing other things. School has pretty much dominated the charts and I'm almost ready to quit.

Hello, where art thou free time?

How many times can I say it? J and I are over; beyond done. No need to stick a fork in anything because it's just ash sitting in front of you. In front of you? No wait in front of me.

And let's talk about invasion of space. I have asked the man to leave my house repeatedly for about 6 months now and he refuses to go. I'm to the point where I'm ready to pack up my shit and just leave with no notice. I need boxes first and possibly time to pack.

Speaking of, he has spoiled Kaitlyn so much by watching her during the day, the moment she cries he says how high. This is his plot to wedge his way into this relationship permanently. I'm sorry did he miss chapter 1?

We have a new dog too. Anyone want to meet me outside during "poddy" time, he's free and black. I'd be surprised if I made it out of this situation, alive.

There is always hope …

2009-05-25T21:46:00.001-05:00

I found a dream, that I could speak to, a dream that I can call my own, I found a thrill to press my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known, oh yeah, yeah, and you smile, you smile, oh and then the spell was cast, and here were are in heaven, for you are mine, at last.

Thank you Etta, for making my night.

Taking Time For MJ

2009-05-25T21:08:00.001-05:00

The things you never know you have, Windows Live Writer. Posting may never get any easier than this.

Avenged Sevenfold – A Little Piece of Heaven

Screaming Quietly

2009-05-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

Today is just one of those days where you wish you could close your eyes and have all your errands and personal tasks done when you open them. That isn't the case for me, because while it's a holiday - my job is to watch my youngest daughter so the Ex can have a holiday.

So it really never ends, I do it all, even when I don't have to. After all, HE needs a break and I don't. I'm just working, going to school and supporting a whole family of 4 on my own, while he pretends to watch the youngest and smokes pot all day.

Yeah this totally makes sense. Why did I not sign up for this earlier?

Computer Glitches

2009-04-29T00:22:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure where the rest of my list went, but I have had so much to do to even try and recreate it. Final projects are due this week and I have only started on one. Another smart move on my part, upgrading from Office 2003 to 2007. Definitely not a good time for that to happen either.

I asked J to leave last week when the parents were here, but he's still laying in bed snoring his ass off. I'm kind of pissed and yet just in a spot where I don't know what to do anymore and very tired of asking him to leave.

His phone just went off, assuming it's his girlfriend. I REALLY wish she would come get his ass.

101 Things to Do in 1001 Days - PART 2

2009-04-18T20:53:00.009-05:00

OK it's official, as if I don't have enough to do right now, I am creating a second list of 101 things to do in 1001 days! Life really is too short!

YOU CAN PARTICIPATE TOO:
101 Things

101 THINGS
0 DONE
0 FAILED

FINANCIAL GOALS

Pay off my sister.
Oh yeah, we are still putting this number one on this list. It's not impossible and we've stopped borrowing from her, so hopefully this will come true.

Increase my credit score by another 100 points.
I've come a long way paying off old bills and collections. I'm nearly to a point where I can buy a house again, but I want more. Another 100 points would be a great goal over the next few years.

Buy a house, at least 4 bed, 2 bath.
This would really take care of the home office issue, I mean the fact we don't have one! After 5 or so years in this house, we'll be able to move on to our dream house.

Have a savings account with at least $20,000 in it.
Trust me, it would benefit everyone to have one of these.

LUXURY

Get new front room furniture.
I've had my stuff for over 6 years now. I'm really looking forward to a hip new set.

Get a new dining table that seats at least 8 people comfortably.
Honestly the last one does a good job, but it's not what I want.

Buy new mattress for my bedroom.
Really we need a king bed.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

Get my Associates Degree
I've already started and I want to make sure this is something I complete by next September.

Get my Bachelors Degree
I don't plan on stopping until I get to the end.

And Then, Paranoia

2009-04-13T12:20:00.002-05:00

I wish I could say that life on the home front is getting any better, but it's really not. The other day I found out that J was still talking to other women behind my back. There really wasn't an excuse and he really didn't fight it, so I am assuming we are nearing a reality check point. Which means the next time I ask him to leave my house, he should have no troubles packing up his things and going without resistance.

Super stupid to get caught, after you already got caught once doing the same thing. Extra stupid to leave your email open on MY laptop for me to view. Of couse, you men who think he should be able to do whatever the hell he wants as I'm supporting him, will ask, "What were you doing reading his email?"

I'm sorry, "What were you doing on MY laptop?" Pretty sure that's why he has his own computer and if he wants to cheat on me, then he can do it from there and not on something that is completely and totally MINE.

I wish I could say that time will rebuild the trust, but as I am writing from home at lunch time, you can tell my paranoia has kicked in. It wasn't so much the fact he didn't answer my text or that he missed my call. It wasn't even when I pinpointed him with Sprint Locator at the house that I thought it was important to venture home. It was when I noticed activity on my checking account, which I approved but did not remember that sent me into a complete and utter rage, that I felt the need to leave work and come home to see the whore he was cheating with.

My thoughts were he bought her something and today was the exchange. Hilarious now that I am home and was reminded it was the thermometer for Miss K. I can sit and laugh now. I can remember a time when I was with EHND and went through this crap, what a complete idiot I was for one, forgiving him and two, making such a scene about it.

Do I feel I can trust J? Never. Do I care if he cheats on me in my house, while I'm footing the bills. Of FUCKING course. I mean really, if you are going to cheat on the woman that literally clothes and feeds you and your family and says literally nothing about your "part-time" job, then at least have the balls to cheat at a hotel or at the bitch's house.

Do I care he's sleeping with other women? Absolutely not. I just wish he would come clean so I can start doing the same .. well not with women, but men. Because I don't even know what sex is since J started lying to me. I told him it would ruin everything, but who listens to me.

And The Way It Went ...

2009-03-31T23:16:00.002-05:00

This morning, I felt like it was going to be a good day. Until lunch rolled around and the pregnant woman convinced me to go to Chinese Buffet for lunch! Tomorrow I pray I can get up early, to go to work early, so I can get off early and head to the gym.

Only time will tell, speaking of which - I need to get to bed.

Partially There

2009-03-31T00:49:00.002-05:00

I'm not stressing, seriously. Things have been super busy here on the home front, but overall great. The only thing lacking from my schedule is the working out, which I feel is coming on either this week or next. I did manage to shave off 4 lbs over this last week, so yay me!

If there were a great time to blog, I think it would be in the morning. That way I can guestimate how my day is going to go. I could be positive and hope for the best. When I get home, I could give you the low down on how bad it REALLY does suck at work.

Keep your fingers crossed, your hands together in prayer or whatever it is that you do to send some good karma my way. Work MAY be changing for the good and my sanity!

Did I Mention?

2009-03-22T19:36:00.002-05:00

I started school. I'm not saying it's easy. I find myself wanting to sit at my computer all night and play games.

Kidding.

Actually it's made me realize that I have PLENTY of time to do what I need to do, I just need to stop being lazy and DO IT.

So, here is my final attempt to workout, work, hang out with both my daughters, go to school, play and blog.

That's right!

Stop rolling your fucking eyes - I'm GOING to do it.
Seriously.

PictureMail

2009-03-04T14:32:00.002-06:00

These days lying to your significant other comes with a price.
This is the ambulance bill we received for taking Miss K to the ER the night J lied about where he was.

Paper Bag

2009-03-02T23:30:00.002-06:00

"I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star, to pray on or wish on or something like that ... "

I haven't been keeping up my part of the bargin. Unfortunately in this stage in my life I keep finding reasons to sit infront of the TV and be depressed instead of doing what I love, write!

I have finally made time for Mercy once again. This is the cycle of life, I assume.

Ups and downs are all apart of the Jones history, so why would you expect any less?

Good news, I have finally started school again. I plan to have my associates by the end of next year. I know it sounds pretty agressive, but when I put my mind to it, I actually do.

Next on my list is to wake up early and make it back to the gym. If I gain another depression pound, I am seriously going to scream.

11:30 PM, I'd say it's time for bed.

Sing it Fiona.

Why Me?

2009-01-29T21:38:00.002-06:00

What do you do when you are torn between the man you love and the man you live with?

I'm so sick of this timing shit. Actually with all the stress I've been under lately, I'm almost welcome everyone to walk out of my life.

I Am Just A Figment of My Imagination

2009-01-13T22:45:00.000-06:00

I can't believe 2008 is over.

13 days into 2009 I've seen lives turned upside down in a moment and I've heard things that I never wanted to hear.

One being the circumstances to Joe's death.

13 days into 2009 and I don't think there's been a day that I've had dry eyes.

Some good news - I've been Blogged, whatever the hell that is. While a 7 out of 10 isn't near the perfection status I imagined for the Cheerio, it's pretty damn good for this girl next door with a little junk on her mind.

I'm standing here in the rain, ready to take off - it's almost time.

2008 I Heart You

2008-12-04T08:25:00.006-06:00

Did I even do one last year? I'll have to look because I stole this from my 2006 file.

1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Overall, I'm going to say this was a pretty shitty year. It seems like for every good thing that happened, something bad happened. Miss K arrived, Aero did awesome, my love life and job suffered and now I'm moving back home.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Wow. I honestly can barely remember yesterday let alone a whole year of favorites. I would have to say my parents being in town for almost 2 months. I really didn't want them to leave.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
When I had to call 911 for Miss K and found out J was lying to me about his whereabouts.

4) Where were you when 2008 began?
I think I was pregnant at a party, who knows.

5) Who were you with?
Probably J and Aero.

6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
Probably with J's friends again.

7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
Probably at home with the kids.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I didn't make any. Resolutions really suck and why do you have to wait until the New Year to make them? You should make them every day of your life.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
Try and be happy about my shitty situation.

10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
No, but I fell out of love.

11) Do you regret it?
I don't regret anything I do. I never have.

12) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
Yes, with J.

13) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
New? I have re-established connections with MANY old friends via a social network and I feel that in itself is a huge step for me.

14) Who are your favorite new friends?
Oh I know - the relationship with my hotel lady!! She's the best!

15) What was your favorite month of 2008?
Almost every month sucked. Let's see - July sucked the least. Aero was visiting her family in MO, so at least someone was happy.

16) Did you travel outside of the US in 2008?
Completely inside the US of A all year long.

17) How many different states did you travel to in 2008?
Kansas & Missouri.

18) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2008?
Not that my parents told me of. Good year here!

19) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Honestly I miss the friendship of a former blogger friend.

20) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
Well Twilight of course! KIDDING! I would have to say Iron Man - god Robert Downey Jr kicks ass sober!

21) What was your favorite song from 2008?
Let's see, I've only added like 20 to my list .. so, Trouble is a Friend by Lenka

22) What was your favorite record from 2008?
Definitely, The Illusion of Progress by Staind.

23) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
Again, zero.

24) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
Not applicable.

25) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
Not much!

26) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
No this was the year I put down my foot and said - really no one in my house should be doing drugs!

27) Do you regret anything you've done this year?
Nothing.

28) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Nope.

29) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
They lied about where they were. How stupid.

30) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
Only in retaliation to how I was treated. I know two wrongs don't make it right, but I'm working on that portion of my life still.

31) Did anyone treat you badly in 2008?
J.

32) How much money did you spend in 2008?
More than I make thanks to J, but isn't that what I usually get myself into with any man?

33) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
When Miss K was born and Aero took such a big sister loving to her.

34) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
I really didn't have one.

35) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Move to Arizona with my old boss.

36) What are your plans for 2009?
Leave Texas and get back to KC. I'm keeping my list short this time around.

In Remembrance

2008-12-03T22:30:00.003-06:00

Today another spouse of a co-worker lost thier battle with cancer. I get very emotional thinking about how short life can be. How you should treasure every moment. Yet I sit here still contemplating the unneccessary movements I make with the man living in my house.

Still.

Then I remember a time, I fell in love with a dream.
Where moments in time seemed to pass by slowly and the hours spent wishing on stars didn't seem frivilous at all. When smiles would just appear out of no where .. remembering. Wanting. Hoping.

Hence why it was a dream, too good for me.

I rarely look at stars anymore, they truly do lie to me.

Music Video:
href="http://216.180.244.187/videos/s/stone_sour/through_glass.html" target="_blank">Through Glass by (Stone Sour)

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