An unfinished symphony...

Taking the other road...

2009-07-19T23:50:00.003-04:00

Instead of obsessing about my paper (due this evening), I blew it off to go see Star Trek with my husband and kids. I know, I know. Just about everyone else has seen it. What can I say?

At any rate, mission accomplished. We saw it in the itty-bitty theatre at the multi-plex, a sure sign that it was about to leave the theaters. It was grand. Enjoyable. Altruistic. Funny. And had enough of that Star Trek ethos to make me happy.

The paper got submitted with 30 minutes to spare. I probably missed some typos and didn't get my Turabian formatted 100% correctly. But quite honestly, I don't mind.

Now, if I could drop the angst on this Church History final that's next weekend (and for which I have not studied, not even one paragraph or dateline) that'd be... perfection.

But I'll settle for a B.

Perfect peace and rest...

2009-07-19T16:39:00.002-04:00

I'm enjoying my Sabbath rest.... how about you?

SNORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-17T14:49:00.002-04:00

I am self-censoring, because what I would write would be fairly angry... So I'm just posting the link.

Why women are excluded from ministry... 'I just didn't think about you."

Friday Five: GAMES!!

2009-07-17T09:20:00.005-04:00

Jan from RevGals writes:

In less than three weeks, my family, including children and their partners, will be gathering in Seattle, WA for 12 days. After various days in Seattle sightseeing and in Bellingham seeing family, we will travel to the coast of Washington State to spend three nights in a large rented house. With nine adults (from almost 20 years old and up), I am thinking that we need to have some activities pre-planned--like GAMES! (Any ideas will be appreciated.)

So this Friday Five is about games, so play on ahead. . . .

1. Childhood games?
Cardgames: WAR, Go Fish, Crazy Eights and Old Maid
Boardgames: Go to the Head of the Class, Parcheesi, Chinese Checkers
Outdoor games: Kick the Can, Capture the Flag, Horse Doctor, Freeze Tag,
Other stuff: jigsaw puzzles, the Labyrinth, Pick-up Sticks

2. Favorite and/or most hated board games?
Not big on board games, period.
Find another person for: Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Clue, and the Barbie (tm) Shopping Game

3. Card games?
My family plays Four-Handed Solitaire on steroids! (It is like regular Klondike solitaire, but with all Aces to the middle for anyone to play on.) A few years ago, the Harpist brought home from camp the game Dutch Blitz which is hard to find but you can buy it on-line here.

4. Travel/car games?
Counting cows: You count animals out your side of the car. Every time you come to a cemetery, all of your "cows die" and you have to start over.
License plate game: I just heard there are fancy pre-printed pages for this now. We just used a spiral notebook!
Ghost: Spell words, one letter at a time going around the circle. Word have to be above 3 letters. If you end a word, you are 1/3 of a ghost. After you collect 3 losses, you "are" a ghost and the other players can't talk to you or they are "ghosts" too.
Croc count: (or if necessary "socks with sandals" count): Keep track of the number of ugly footwear combinations you see. Bonus if you find an employee of a company wearing them.

5. Adult pastimes that are not video games?
We actually enjoy the above-mentioned card games. Also Apples-to-Apples, Spoons, Taboo, Dictionary and Pictionary.

Bonus: Any ideas for family vacations or gatherings?
We have fun together. Menus get pulled together by the crew, and everyone has a turn helping. (In Girl Scouts we called it a "Kaper Chart" but it gives everyone a chance to be a part of the work. And the fun.) We also have an "Everyone's Birthday Party" including confetti "poppers," cake, etc.

Bring-alongs which help with kids are sidewalk chalk, bubble solution and wands, water balloons, water pistols, and the fixings for s'mores!

PARTY ON!

Photo Party - Abbey of the Arts

2009-07-15T10:42:00.009-04:00

Christine invited participants to respond to this Photo Party Theme: Listen with the Ear of Your Heart

ears listen, eyes look,
hearing, seeing below ground
to the sacred source

I have five photos I am sharing today... each spoke to me when I shot them as having that "thin" place between heaven and earth where God spoke crystal clear. I hope they speak to you as well...

Archway in the ruins in Sanxay, France

When is it time to step through an opportunity?
When the timing is clearly God's, not your machination.
We can only look forward.
We can't look backward. All we will see then
is ruins...

A yellow swallowtail

This required sitting still. Making the "invitation" and watching,
waiting. And then celebrating...
The tiny feet were like fuzzy nails on my fingertip.
And its minuscule hand-painted beauty more lovely
than any stained glass window.

God put the sun to bed

We watched the sun set this one evening with amazement
as the cloud formations on the horizon slowly "put out
the light." Darkness came quickly.
Yet we knew, in the morning, it would be bright again.

The endless song of the waves...

Some things are best experienced with
a friend at your side... like the pull
of the eternal.

Two crab holes, some driftwood... God smiled.

I often think of this as a visible parable
of humanity's worth...
"do you not know that you are
more valuable that ghost crabs
who skitter by day and feed by night?
if I know the ways and the paths of a ghost crab,
don't I also care for you?

I'm watching for more "thin places." ...how about you?

Tim Hughes - Everything

2009-07-10T17:30:00.004-04:00

You may not know this song, but it is among the ones on my playlist with "5 stars" because of its focus not on "me me me" but on "GOD GOD GOD". If you listen to comtemporary Christian music, you know what I mean...

Anyway, when Sarah read my post on "God be in..." she reminded me of this song. It's still very much the cry of my heart that I be WHERE and WHO God wants me to be. And when that means change, as much as it is hard, then that is what I will do.

GOD - BE MY EVERYTHING!!!

She's 14 today...

2009-07-09T14:43:00.003-04:00

Reedy Girl is 14 today. She's bright, caring, and fun. And we are grateful that God trusted us to be her parents...

She plays oboe, is an amazingly creative and caring babysitter, and quietly serves behind the scenes. You don't notice her at work until you turn around and everything is cleaned up or put away or ready to go.

She starts high school in the fall. For now, we are enjoying her around the house before the craziness of classes and events and activities start up again.

Love you sunshine -
Happy birthday!

Love,
Mom

God be in

2009-07-08T23:00:00.003-04:00

God be in my head, and in my understanding;
God be in mine eyes, and in my looking;
God be in my mouth, and in my speaking;
God be in my heart, and in my thinking;
God be at mine end, and at my departing.

Sarum Primer, 1558

Today I started the process of sorting, packing, finishing assignments, and handing over responsibilities as I prepare to leave one job and begin another later this summer. I was struck by the promise of this ancient hymn... not just in the present "end" and "departing" but the future "ultimate departure."

The process of change and movement into new roles and jobs is not easy, but it is clear that the opportunities ahead of me are with God's blessing and direction. I have mixed emotions, but the plus side of accepting a different kind of challenge is so huge. I really can't turn it down.

In the wake of preaching last week, several conversations have been peppered with questions:
Are you SURE you should stop working for our church? (I can't do both!)
Won't you miss preaching? (Ummmm.... 2 times a year is hard to "miss"... just about anywhere will give me more opportunity!)
Why are you REALLY leaving? (OK, Captain Obvious aside - what a nosy question! - it is clearly a great opportunity and I would be crazy to not take it on!)
What will you do after you graduate? ("no clue" about covers it!)

This church was my first "Call" and, as one friend puts it, you never forget your first church. I am in this for the long haul and I know that there is a place where for me -- where, God only knows.

And that really is OK.

Deb

I WILL NOT BE MOVED!

2009-07-07T13:57:00.002-04:00

this song just kinda says it all...

Lyrics...

I have been a wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score

Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That i was too far gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

All the chaos in my life
Has been a badge of war
And though I have been torn
I will not be moved
I will not be moved
I will not be moved
No

I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved
No

$3 worth of God

2009-07-05T16:43:00.003-04:00

By request, I'm posting this poem from the end of today's message. Hat tip to Bruce for the idea and Scott for helping me find the whole text...

I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.

Not enough to explode my soul and disturb my sleep.
Not enough to take control of my life.
I want just enough to equal a cup of warm milk.
Just enough to ease some of the pain from my guilt.

I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.

I would like to find a love that is pocket-sized.
I don’t want enough of God to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant.
Not enough to change my heart.
I can only stand just enough to take to church when I have time.
Just enough to equal a snooze in the sunshine.
I want ecstasy, not transformation.
I want the warmth of the womb, but not a new birth.

I would like to purchase a pound of the eternal in a paper sack.
If it doesn’t work, I would like to get my money back.

I would like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.

I would like to hide some for a rainy day.
Not enough for people to see a change in me.
Not enough to impose any responsibility.
Just enough to make folks think I am ok.

Could I just get three dollars worth of God, please?

-Wilbur Rees

Poetry Party: Always We Begin Again

2009-07-04T12:26:00.003-04:00

Christine from Abbey of the Arts offers this prompt...

Theme: Always We Begin Again

I spent this past weekend with my Oblate community at St. Placid Priory. It was our annual retreat and this year I helped Sister Lucy facilitate on the theme of “Always we begin again” which is a line from the Rule of St. Benedict. One of the vows in Benedictine life is conversion which is essentially a commitment to ongoing transformation and recoginizing that we never fully arrive at the destination, we are always on a journey.

I took this photo while up on the Canadian coast last week. At low tide one day I wandered the beach gathering stones and creating cairns, carefully balancing one stone upon another. It became a meditation on my life. For me Benedictine practice is at heart about living my life in a renewing balance between solitude and community, between silence and conversation, between work and prayer, between all the elements of my life that demand attention and energy. I have returned from this retreat renewed in energy, focus, and commitment to my Benedictine practices. I am ready to begin again.

We are half way through the year, so I invite you to take this opportunity to pause and reflect where you are being called to begin again. Write a poem about your longing for balance or the places where you seek renewal.

~--- * ---~

This prompt comes at an interesting time for me.

My life is over full with school (boy howdy!), family (a husband of 22 years I love dearly, one daughter going to college, and one daughter starting high school), and friends. My part-time, 12-hours-a-week pastoral job was really eating up more like 20-25 hours a week, since Sunday mornings are not considered part of my "work" hours, and most people need to meet outside of the "church workday". I was up early to see kids and husband off to their busy days, up late to finish assignments or take my on-line classes. As my mom noted when she was here visiting for The Harpist's graduation, I looked tired.

In the midst of all of these activities, I had prayed for direction, for peace and for assurance that I was on the right path. Personal struggles and doubts were just assaulting my spirit. Several conversations left me fairly bruised and unsure. And in the middle of it, a fairly blistering critique of my personality and ministry style was the final kink in my personal gyroscope.

I cried out to God. I took a day to throw everything down. I asked,

"God is it this? Do you want me to give this up? Lord, is it this? What about this?"

One worship song (by Hillsong United) became my theme song....

Falling on my knees in Worship
giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life I place in your hands
God of mercy humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called you answered
and you came to my rescue and I
wanna be where you are

The answers God gave me were strange -

Rest.

Listen.

Be at peace.

Which weren't really the kind of answers I wanted...

About three weeks ago, my New Testament professor called and invited me to be one of his Teaching Assistants for the next school year. It meant a small stipend and help with my tuition. I was torn because I don't exactly see myself as an academician. Sometimes the arguments are so much like counting angels on pinheads, if you know what I mean...

I didn't give him an answer right away. He pursued me and we discussed what my hang-ups were. I was (and still do) feel inadequate to this whole ministry thing. So many people know so much more, can quote so much more Scripture, and can always find the politically expedient way to say things. I feel like a clumsy ox in a china shop, crashing this way and that. I don't like to play politics and too frequently speak my mind.

On the other hand, my "pastoral" role was mostly secretarial, frequently frustrating and was not offering me the service I knew I was called to do - preaching and teaching. How does a church offer that to a part-timer anyway, when there are good preachers on staff?

SO... the answer is that I am stepping out of a pastoral role in a church to be a pastor of sorts to new graduate students. I will be TA'ing for a course that students in Divinity take their first semester. My role is to teach, but also to listen, encourage and pray for them.

A year from now I will reassess and ask God what's next? But for now...

I rest.

I listen.

I am at peace...

~--- * ---~

This is the poem birthed out of this experience...

Longing. Searching. Dreaming. Believing.
God, I know you hold my life in balance,
Please wrest from me my selfishness, my angry words,
My hurting heart..
and heal me.

Standing. Walking. Preaching. Teaching.
Jesus, I hear your words in my ear,
Please show me how to live by example, by serving,
Tear the rough places away...
Use me.

Bowing. Praying. Fasting. Worshiping.
Holy Spirit, I surrender every facet, every part
Please guide me once again into your place for me.
My heart is warmed...
I am resting.
I am listening.
I am at peace.

Friday Five: It's all about the Look

2009-07-03T10:07:00.004-04:00

(disclaimer: this is not my closet... but I can dream of being that organized...)
Sally of RevGals writes:

In readiness for my move in 6 weeks time I spent almost all of yesterday morning sorting through my wardrobe -- closet, I am so British :-) -- marveling at how I had accumulated so much stuff! The result is three large sacks full of clothes to be given away. Some came into the category of " what was I thinking", some too big now ( at last), and others I will never shrink into again. Some are going simply because I want to streamline my wardrobe.

So how about you:

1. Are you a hoarder, or are you good at sorting and clearing? In my family, I would be perceived as a "good" sorter (because I do.) However, there's a lot of stuff that I should and have not sorted. I run out of steam and give up. Now, when I am "on the wagon" with FlyLady, I do a better job. I need to get back with her again!

2. What is the oddest garment you possess and why?
Probably it is the collection of clothes for Christian mime. Several of them make my teen daughters shudder.

3. Do you have a favourite look/ colour?
pajama pants and a Tshirt... oh - you mean that I would let anyone besides family see me in? Blue.
4. Thrift/ Charity shops, love them or hate them?
I use them carefully - and I've gotten some great clothing there!

5. Money is no object, what one item would you buy?
Some more professional looking suits. I would also hire out Peace Bang to be my personal advisor and shopper. Combined with her expertise for correct professional wear, and Reedy Girl's eye for color and style, I would be perfectly dressed!!

And now I am feeling guilty about reading and working on my sermon in the hammock... should I go clean out a closet???

Naahhhhhhhhhh!

Deb

while I'm waiting on grades...

2009-06-30T15:48:00.007-04:00

The wind might change and freeze my face this way, but somehow... I feel better.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Give me Jesus...

2009-06-29T07:54:00.000-04:00

Morning, Lord...

thoughts while a cat purrs on my lap...

2009-06-28T23:53:00.003-04:00

The last week I've been studying for a church history midterm. I've been immersed trying to stuff dates, names, events and actions of the Late Middle Ages and the Reformation into my head. Actually, I was only trying to learn them long enough to dump them out on a test and then forget them.

The exam was made up of just essays. I survived it. While I don't have my grade yet, (I'm not holding my breath -- this prof is notorious for being S-L-O-W in posting them), I think I did OK. At least, if I remembered enough coherent facts in a sequence that passes for mastery. But here's what struck me as I studied. Over and over, the various factions and church leaders of a movement or sect would state that they were starting these reforms to take the church "back to the book of Acts." It was almost funny, except that it's a phrase that is far too commonly used to justify a church split. Especially today.

It's not like I don't have my own opinions. (I most certainly do.) And it's not that it's possible to have a perfect church (especially if you have an imperfect staff member like me on board.) But as I shoved these random facts in my head...

1453 Constantinople falls to the Turks
1512 Fifth Lateran Council
1517 95 Theses
1529 Marburg Colloquy with Luther and Zwingli
1530-31 Augsburg Confession written and published
1536 Calvn's institutes published

...I marveled at the well-meaning, studious, heaven-bent people who have gotten the church this far.

Yes, there have been crooks and charlatans. But over and through it all, God protects the Church. The Church lives on, moves on, and makes another step into the world.

And I guess that's why I am still studying. I'm a part of whatever that "step" is going to be.

Next....??? here we go, Lord...

Deb
Oh - all those dates I just spewed forth? not a ONE of them was on my exam!!!

There is a River

2009-06-27T20:23:00.003-04:00

Worshipping as I study - this song came on my playlist...

There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you've been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of those tears, love will atone

So, give up the right
To control the waves that empty out your life
Above wild skies
Are the rays that break the shadows we design

Blessed, slightly stressed, clinging to God's promises...

AT&T is blowing this one...

2009-06-26T10:02:00.002-04:00

I love my new iPhone but there are some things it can't do (besides the laundry, my taxes, and write my papers...) We discovered it can't send or receive MMS (picture text messages). Apple says the iPhone can do this. AT&T has not allowed it.

EPIC FAIL, AT&T!!!

see more Funny Graphs

Take off my shoes...

2009-06-25T17:02:00.003-04:00

This may or may not be your cuppa because of all of the distortion in the guitars - but - just read the words. The poetry itself is a cry of my heart.

Take Off My Shoes

I’ll take off my shoes, I’m coming in,
Untie this rope, I’m staying with him,
Love of my life, I’ll live and die,
Just for the moments for my king and I.

Why did you call, why did you wait,
For someone so guilty, someone so fake.
There are no words for my beautiful song,
Now I’m in the arms of my Beautiful One.

Hold me, blow all the pride from my bones,
With Your fire.
Hold me, breathe on this heart made of stone,
Keep it pure.

I’ll take off this crown and fall at your feet,
The secret of joy are the moments we meet.
How could a Man with all of your fame,
Pull me from darkness and call me by name.

So hold me today, as I carry Your cross,
Into the desert to find who is lost.
Look at my hands, they’re still full of faith,
God keep them clean till we finish the race.

Hold me, blow all the pride from my bones,
With Your fire.
Hold me, breathe on this heart made of stone,
Keep it pure.

Hold me, Saviour of heaven and earth,
King forever.
Hold me, love of my life lead me on,
Through the fire, lead me on... lead me on... lead me on...
I love you....

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

A metaphor for love and life... and ministry!

2009-06-24T08:32:00.010-04:00

CONTENT WARNING:

If you're not a person
who likes to see snakes,
you'll hate this post...
just move along...

The Harpist has a pet snake named "Calvin" - (he's into the Predestination of mice, in case you wondered.) While she is in Germany, Reedy Girl and I are caring for his bodily snaky needs which include food (we will buy mice later this week), water (daily), a nice warm lamp and rock to bask on or hide under.

We try to handle him at least every day because though he is comfortable being held, but it has to be done consistently. He's fairly content with being a necklace, or in Harpist's case, a hair scrunchie. As reptile pets go, it's not bad.

And though I'm not big on the feeding part, I like mice less than snakes, so it's all good.

Except -- what goes in must come out. And yesterday he left us a lovely "digested present" to clean up in his cage. Of the three people left in this house, I was the one who got the honors. EW. YUCK!!! Sigh... OK.

I was apparently "the elect" in this case. Thanks a bunch, Calvin.

So as I cleaned his tank and set up the fresh lining and water, I realized that this really is a metaphor for love and life. In so many spaces in life there are messy people, messy situations and "a clean up on aisle 3." It really isn't something people just dream of doing the rest of their lives. (I mean, think about it -- it's fun to ride a horse, but who likes mucking out stalls, really??)

And pastors seem to end up in cage-cleaning mode a lot. Sometimes it is because we happen to just be available and there really isn't anyone else around. Sometimes it is because we are attuned to "messy" needs and lives and are Called to be a part of them. And sometimes -- itb's because it's a simple way to care for one of God's creatures.

Two situations with people I care about reminded me this week that it's OK to not like doing these "cage-cleaning" operations. But it is far worse to make excuses, blame or expect the snake to do its own cleaning when it's beyond his capabilities. Instead, I put my gloves on and go to work.

So as I cleaned the cage, I thought about all of the ways that God shows love to me, especially in those situations where I am really in a pickle and just need rescue, to be lifted "out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire..." as David prayed in Psalm 40.

God's mercy knows no limits towards me. So I'll continue to work on extending that limitless mercy to others. Even people I don't like. Even those who intentionally sabotage their own living situations. And yes... even snakes.

Deb

She's in Berlin!

2009-06-22T16:39:00.002-04:00

The Harpist is in Berlin with the group from her school. They return to Pinneberg on Tuesday evening. All is well and she's finding a place to practice her language skills.

Waiting impatiently for photos... emails... Facebook notes...

(I'm such a Mom...)

Deb

Why I am struggling with church history...

2009-06-19T12:10:00.004-04:00

According to my professor, "99% of the questions you receive from parishioners and others while in ministry are essay or short answer."

OK, I'll grant you that. But I do not (somehow) think they will want to know the answers to questions like this:

"Trace out the New English theology and the way in which it challenged the reigning consensus of Aquinas and Bonaventure."
OR
"Discuss the context for and theology behind the Augsburg Confession."
OR
(my personal favorite for irrelevance)
"Discuss in detail the Council of Trent."

I suppose if I worked hard enough I could find someone for whom these are day-to-day, "how do I deal with situation X" answers... At the moment, I am doubtful. And yes, I am rebelling.

Add to my frustration that he does not cover these topics in his lectures in any semblance of an organized fashion, and I have to root out the answers from thousands of pages of reading... I feel as though I am preparing for PhD orals or something.

OK, whiny rant over. Back to Cromwell.

Deb

FRIDAY FIVE: Life is a Verb

2009-06-19T10:26:00.004-04:00

Jan from RevGalBlogPals writes:

Jennifer recommended this book, which I got because I always value Jennifer's reading suggestions. The author of Life is a Verb, Patti Digh worked her book around these topics concerning life as a verb:
Say yes.
Be generous.
Speak up.
Love more.
Trust yourself.
Slow down.
As I read and pondered about living more intentionally, I also have wondered what this Friday Five should be. This book has been the jumping off point for this Friday.

1. What awakens you to the present moment?
Something of Creation - feathered, furred, blooming, silent, singing, human, animal or plant. Something that pulls me out of the mechanical, intellectual, power-driven human existence and back to the Creator.

2. What are 5 things you see out your window right now?

leaves fluttering in the breeze
that elusive wren (I wrote about yesterday) singing on the fence
hydrangeas blooming
vines growing over the arbor
weeds... lots of weeds! (But I've left them alone so long they are blooming... how cool is that!)

3. Which verbs describe your experience of God?

humbled
loved
cherished
saved
encouraged
called
running (to/from -- depending on my honest reaction to life!)

4. From the book on p. 197: Who were you when you were 13? Where did that kid go?
I was in 8th grade. Unsure. Not convinced I could do anything. Taking Latin. Loving reading, music, singing, playing piano. Dreaming of writing. Parts of her are still unsure about herself, but not of God. Instead of Latin, it's Greek, and instead of 8th grade it's grad. school! (LOL) The musician doesn't get as much expression these days. It is something I am working on... The writer is often confined into Turabian, and yet I am learning how to have my own style in footnotes and suppositions.

5. From the book on p. 88: If your work were the answer to a question, what would the question be?
Why did you wait so long to do what you know you need to do for God? (I was going to cop out and say "what do you do all day?")

Bonus idea for you here or on your own--from the book on p. 149:
"Go outside. Walk slowly forward. Open your hand and let something fall into it from the sky. It might be an idea, it might be an object. Name it. Set it aside. Walk forward. Open your hand and let something fall into it from the sky. Name it. Set it aside. Repeat. . . ."

I think I will do this later... maybe on my next silent retreat, coming up in July.

Peace-
Deb

She's on her way...

2009-06-18T22:10:00.003-04:00

The Harpist is off to Pinneberg, Germany (near Hamburg) for 3 weeks as an exchange student. She's traveling with other students from her high school and our beloved Kaiser DeRosa (her foreign languages teacher.) Last autumn we had a Pinneberger here with us, and now her family will host in return. I'm so excited for her - and praying she enjoys the experience!

Updates as I get 'em. Pray for her safety and for God to shine through her...

Deb

P.S. That look comes with a free eyeroll.

wrensong and catsnores

2009-06-18T10:16:00.005-04:00

This morning the Carolina wren is singing his/her heart out in the backyard. I can't see the wren, but the song is like liquid joy! Such deafening praise.

The cats are snoozing the deep slumber of the peaceful and trusting.

...and I have Peace. Huge, God-Sized, overwhelm-your-heart Peace.

God, you're so good.

Deb

Dusty Window...

2009-06-15T22:54:00.008-04:00

St. Hilarie, Poitiers, France

In 2007 I was on a mission team to Poitiers, France. We went and assisted a small evangelical church there with outreach projects like a coffeehouse and an American "Thanksgiving Dinner." I often reflect on the people I attempted to talk to in my "Frenchlish" and how much I learned -- mostly, that I can't do much without God enabling me.

I took this shot through the windows of St. Hilarie as the sun was setting. The building was empty, cold and silent. While the physical structure was maintained, the visible Church was not there. I can be like that Church - not connected to the vibrant, dynamic life of God at work in the world. I don't want to live there.

It's not that God is not active and alive in my life - far from the case! It's the ways that I am still a dusty window - the Light struggles through, but who I am gets in the way. In my classes this week we are reading about Pentecost (seasonally appropriate!) and working with the ways that God shines through the Church and each of us as individuals... most of the time in spite of us.

I'm reading a devotional book right now called Women in Leadership - a pithy, short, thought-provoking collection of daily scriptures and meditations. Today's devo was on Job 2, where Job is given ample opportunity to complain, (or as his wife said, "curse God and die!") But Job made a God-honoring choice and as the story goes, he "did not sin in what he said." (Job 2:10)

I can't claim that same skill. So I either need duct tape or "a holy Dose of shut-up" when I am provoked the next time and want to shoot off my mouth. Perhaps my struggle is just that constant reminder of needing renewal, constantly, daily, continually...

This song came up on my iPod mix as I was studying this evening, and it seemed appropriate... so I'll stop here.

Deb

Why am I such a dusty window
For your light to shine through?
Why am I just a tiny star
In a sky already blue?
Why do I offer everything
With my heart closed like a fist?
I want to love You better than this

Why do I live like I'm in chains
When You have set me free?
And why do I have to break Your heart
Before I fall to my knees?
I know it's time to pray for change
Give all I have to give
I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces Of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me
Renew me

I need Your power to renew me, Lord, yeah
I need to know You're moving through me, Lord

I need You as my refuge
My first and last resort
Be the river always running
Through my deepest thoughts
Keep me in Your arms
'Cause even when I drift
I want to love You better than this

My life bending to Your will
Seeking You until I'm more and more like You

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me