rip city forever

Best of November

2008-12-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

The Blazers looked tired all night and uninterested for about three quarters against the Knicks tonight, and they still ran away with their fifth straight victory.

Typical.

The reason so many of us are buzzing right now isn't just because the Blazers have the second-best record in the Western Conference at the moment, or because they routinely appear near the top of everybody's league rankings. It isn't even because we've had the toughest schedule through the first month of the season, only to come out of November relatively unscathed and no worse for wear.

It's because we're winning ugly!

It's games like tonight's in New York, and last week's home game against the Sacramento Kings, that get me keyed up. If we can win playing like absolute rubbish, and if we can win with the referees not giving us one ounce of respect... we can go far.

There is no question that the Blazers will finally make it back into the playoff picture come April. The only question is how deep we can go. That said, it's time for some...

NOVEMBER AWARDS

- BIGGEST SURPRISE

Out of nowhere, Nicolas Batum, the 19-year-old Frenchman, is starting for a solid Blazers team and has been likened to all-stars Scottie Pippen and Tayshaun Prince. Batum wasn't even supposed to make the final Blazers regular season roster, considering Blazers staff were disappointed in his summer league play and had no intention of giving him a roster spot until Webster went down with the stress fracture in his foot. Now, Batum has Webster's spot and he's so valuable they've allowed him to wear #88, something that Sarge McMillan would normally never allow. Plus, the Blazers have no intention of giving his spot back to Martell when he comes back next week.

The way I see it, Batum fills the void that was opened when Udoka departed, and the Blazers should sign him to one of these medium-length contracts that they've been doling out in their infinite wisdom. By the way, I love how when Pritchard doesn't overpay guys and doesn't sign head cases and drug addicts he's hailed as a hero. Just shows how low the bar has been dropped.

- BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

The fact that Greg Oden ranks fifth on David Thorpe's rookie rankings on ESPN is laughable. Sure, Oden came back and seems to be in the middle of a stretch of (fingers crossed) good health, which many people, including myself, never expected to happen. But there are some major kinks in Oden's armor:

- He can't shoot.
- He can't pass.
- He has horrible hands.
- He appears disinterested most of the time.

These are major issues that I never hear anybody talk about. He has possibly the worst hands of any NBA center I've ever seen. He (and we) are lucky that he doesn't need to evolve into anything other than a rebounder and defensive threat to help the Blazers, just because we are so good everywhere else.

At least he shaved his amish beard.

- MVPOTBR (Most Valuable Player Other Than Brandon Roy)

Joel Przybilla, hands down. When asked to quantify Joel's worth to the team, Rudy Fernandez struggled to find the appropriate amount of interest in the question because he was heavily into a Spanish soap opera that he was playing on a personal DVD player in his locker. But when he was done with that, he shook his head and pretended to not speak English.

Even so, I give Przybilla tons of credit for making it through the hysteria of the Oden pick and injury without ever inferring that an unproven rookie shouldn't be thrust into the spotlight immediately. Let me make it clear: Przybilla is far, far, far more valuable to this team than Greg Oden. If the Blazers were the cast of Cheers, Oden would be Paul, that guy who shows up every once in a while and says some pretty funny things. Joel Przybilla is Cliff Clavin; he's not the star by any means, but he shows up every day, he's one of the best guys to have on the team, and he rarely lets you down. (NOTE: One time I made a list of my coworkers and compared all of them to Cheers characters, and then I emailed this list to one of the biggest gossipers in the whole department. The lesson? Don't ever do that.)

- PLAYER WHOSE JERSEY I WOULD BUY IMMEDIATELY IF THE BLAZERS DIDN'T HAVE SUCH AWFUL UNIFORMS

Rudy, by far. But I think I would have it just say "Rudy" on the back, because that's what he should do anyways, and if he secretly wants this to happen but Blazers brass aren't allowing it, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET RUDY DO WHAT HE WANTS. We love you and your fluid motions, Rudy.

Never ever leave us.

That's a threat.

TJH

A Night of Firsts

2008-11-21T23:24:00.000-08:00

Wednesday was awesome. We slaughtered Chicago so bad that the game devolved into an alley-oop contest, and during timeouts the entire team, including McMillan, were watching the jumbotron showing people dancing to C and C Music Factory.

It was a night of firsts for me:

- First time sitting in the seventh row or closer.
- First 40+ point victory.
- First ever date with a French nanny.

I got tickets in the seventh row through an old Blazer connection. It was the closest I've ever sat for a Blazer game, unless you count those three years where I went to every game and sat on the visiting team's bench. Yes, I still rub that in everybody's face.

We were sitting in the family section, where Brandon Roy's parents, girlfriend, and young son were right behind us. Mama Roy calls all the Blazers by their first names and was unashamed to tell complete strangers that Brandon was conceived 25 years ago to the day. Papa Roy never stops smiling and on occasion yells out "B-ROY!!!" at really strange times, like when Joakim Noah is at the free throw line. Roy's girlfriend didn't say a word all game, and Roy's son, who can't be more than 2 years old, followed the action almost as closely as me, and seems as keen on basketball as Doc Brown is keen on electromagnetism.

I had two sets of tickets, so I gave the spare set to my friends Ken and Mark. Ken has a great basketball mind; Mark is a Republican. Sitting in different sections of the same Blazer game can only lead to one thing...

TEXT MESSAGE FIGHT!!

Mark: Who is your second favorite players on the Blazers?
Ty: Rudy.
Mark: Where does Sergio land?
Ty: First.
Ken: Favorite player, really??
Mark: Seriously I think we can no longer be friends. He would be my first to be traded, the only thing that came out of Spain besides Rudy would be Taco Bell. (Note: Mark is a Republican.)
Ty: Suck it, pal.
Mark: Hey Ty, nice two handed chest pass. (Note: Mark actually wrote "chess".)

The chest pass reference hearkens back to the days of seventh grade, when I made the school basketball team over Mark. The reason I made the team was because I made nice chest passes, according to our coach Mr Kalina, who apparently was really into the fundamentals. It was true - I make great chest passes - but Mark is still obviously very jealous over the slight. The jealousy could also stem from the fact that I go to Blazer games with French nannies.

Mr Kalina also taught math!

On Wednesday, everybody was a star - except for Jerryd Bayless, who somehow found a way to dribble the ball off his elbow and out of bounds. No matter - Bayless won't be playing significant minutes for years. That's the biggest problem this team has. Too many players, and not enough time. Not only is Webster coming back in two weeks, Koponen and Freeland are apparently tearing the EuroLeague to shreds, and Greg Oden isn't even starting yet. Who do you trade? Who do you trade for? What do you do when your team has zero weak spots???

It's a good problem to have.

TJH

Spanish Fly

2008-11-15T00:24:00.000-08:00

First of all, Kevin, good point about the Oden pick. Durant on the team would be incredible, but then there would be no Rudy. Well, there would be a Rudy, but probably playing in a Spurs or Lakers uniform, which at this point would feel like an ex-girlfriend posing in Penthouse. So, we can gather:

If Oden, then no Durant;

If Durant, then no Rudy;

Therefore, if Oden, then Rudy. I'll take it.

I find it interesting how Rudy, with all the acclaim, still snuck up on some people. He was a proven international star even before the Olympics, and to be honest, I think he underperformed in Beijing. I think he's played even better in a Blazers jersey, and speaking of jerseys, I was telling my friend the other day that at the very least we should change our god-awful uniforms for Rudy's sake, considering his fashionista tendencies.

You didn't hear?

Apparently, Sergio and Rudy went shopping together (naturally) and bought the same sweater. (Note: this sounds like the beginning of a great joke, but I swear it's true). They didn't want anybody to find out that they bought the same sweater on the same outing, and so they agreed to switch the days they wore it. I guess they assumed that if the team saw Sergio wear the sweater one day, and Rudy the next, nobody would notice.

Well, the plan backfired because Sergio is a complete space cadet. He either ignored the agreement or completely forgot about it, and Sergio and Rudy showed up to the Rose Garden both wearing their brand new sweaters. Their teammates went nuts. Sergio thought it was hilarious.

Rudy was pissed off.

He wouldn't talk to anybody for the rest of the day, including the press, who got the whole story from various willing players and leaked the story to Jason Quick, who wrote about it on the front page of the Oregonian. So now Rudy, trying to fit into his new culture and his new city, with his many adoring fans, is worried that people might think he doesn't have a completely unique fashion sense.

This is by far my favorite What-The-Blazers-Do-On-Their-Time-Off story all year, mainly because I can just imagine those two shopping together and pecking back and forth about which sweater to buy at Macy's, and spending the whole car ride back formulating a clever plan to alternate wardrobes. How much would I pay to hang out with these guys for a whole day? One month's pay? I spend way more time thinking about these guys then I really should, at least for somebody who views themselves as well-adjusted, and I think the reason is that they just seem like normal guys who just happen to be amazing magicians with the basketball.

And finally - FINALLY - McMillan is getting a clue and playing the two together for extended stretches. Sergio was effective enough before Rudy was here, but now he is running out of reasons to keep him out of the game. Tonight he was forced to play Sergio a whopping 24 minutes, and what happens? 7 assists, 0 turnovers. Zero.

Rudy's play has transformed the team more than any other individual, including Brandon Roy. It is bringing out changes in the style and personnel of the club that should have happened two years ago, but our old fashioned coach couldn't accept change.

Now he has to.

TJH

Rudy or Bust!

2008-11-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

Ty! I can't agree with you more on Greg Oden. I hope for the best, while at the exact same time, find it so hard to believe that he won't break a leg everytime I see him try and run up the court. The Suns game followed tonights game, and as I was watching Shaq (who is 80 and weighs 399 pounds) run up and down the floor, I was like, damn...he runs way better than Greg. Oh, well.

This is how I see it though. I FUCKING LOVE RUDY FERNANDEZ! Love him. Best move we made in the last ten years was to get him. He has IT. You know the IT they always talk about with guys like Tom Brady and Kobe and MJ? He has that. I love it. Not saying he will reach those stratospheric heights, but he has it, like Manu or Horry! Those guys have IT! I love him. And, because of that, I STILL love the Oden pick. Because without Oden, we would have Durant. And, with Durant, I find it hard to believe we would pick up Fernandez. And I don't care how much Durant scores a game, fucking Rudy is the MAN.

He needs to take out his last name and just go by RUDY. If Nene can do it, he can.

One and Done

2008-10-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

Here's the thing:

I wanted to wait a couple days before I wrote about the Blazers' first game and the Oden injury. I wanted to cool down a bit and maybe take some time to gain some perspective. I wanted to listen to what other people had to say about it before I came to my conclusion:

Greg Oden is a colossal bust.

I say this not because he's injury prone, which he proved even before he was drafted by the team. I say this not because I don't like the guy or I wish him any ill will. Man, I really like Greg Oden! Character-wise, he seems to be the type of guy you build your team around. Plus, his potential is off the charts.

But you don't build your team around a guy who can't run up and down a basketball court.

See, I can't really say for sure if he's a good guy, or if he can indeed run, or if he even grasps simple things about the game. I haven't seen it, and no casual or even serious supporter has seen it either. Everything about this guy has been, and is, pure speculation. We were told that he would help win our team a championship, and we just believed it. We were desperate for good news and desperate for a savior that we threw caution to the wind and just accepted what the talking heads on television told us.

Look how much faith we put in complete strangers! Consider how often we go out driving and just assume that other people will stay within their lanes and not slam their car into our ribs. Consider how haphazardly we invest money into accounts that are managed by complete strangers. Consider how little you know about stocks and bonds and money market accounts and how little you know about what the fuck is going on right now with the world.

We know nothing!

Sometimes it's good to not worry about these things. And sometimes, when it comes to drafting a basketball player, a little worry and a little skepticism are traits that the successful people in the business possess. This is why for so long the Blazers were unsuccessful: decisions were made based on what could be and what might be, rather than what is.

Greg Oden could be. He might be. But he most definitely is not. I say this not because he sprained his foot and will be out for a month. I say this not because he was limping up and down the court after he "stepped" on Derek Fisher's foot, which in itself is suspicious because Fisher himself denies he was stepped on. No: I say this because before the injury, before Oden's big lumbering ass tripped over himself and came crashing down on the Staples Center floor, he looked absolutely terrible.

He looked... terrible.

He couldn't run. He couldn't make a shot one foot from the basket. He couldn't hold on to the ball, not to mention his apparent disinterest in the game and his confusion over the offensive sets. His body is simply not built to hold up to the rigors of professional basketball. The best thing that Oden could do for his fragile body right now is retire and go live a quiet life somewhere back in Indiana, and the best thing the Blazers could do is to try to trade him to some team desperate enough to make the same mistakes we did.

And the only reason people will disagree with me is simply because they can't accept that their savior is a bust. Anything apart from that is wishful thinking.

Of course, I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

TJH

Zero Hour

2008-10-28T17:13:00.000-07:00

Basketball is back.

As Brian Wheeler might say: Huzzah!

Group 3: Stars

- GREG ODEN

So we've put up with over a year of people salivating over Oden's arrival, insisting the whole time that this was the correct draft pick, and that Kevin Pritchard did not make (gasp!) a mistake.

Well, he probably did. He dropped the ball. He should have drafted Durant.

But there's nothing we can do about it now. All we can do is cross our fingers and hope that his knee, his hand, and his head stay intact. But listening to people defending the pick reminds me of listening to this guy I know who used to tell me Dane Cook jokes and pretend they were his own. I never called him on it. I probably should have, but I couldn't figure out what was more offensive: stealing a comic's jokes, or stealing Dane Cook's jokes. That's like wanting to adopt a free throw stance, and deciding: "You know what? I think I'm gonna go with the Bill Cartwright"...

Anyways, the only thing that anybody can say with any amount of certainty is that Oden is big and powerful, and he can dunk hard. That's it. He's not a quick learner, he's not very quick, he gets into foul trouble too easily, and he's wilting under the pressure, which would be FINE if he wasn't considered Portland's savior by everybody except me. Even Jason Quick is drinking the Kool-Aid; Quick thinks Oden will be an all-star. This season.

Last Season: N/A
Preseason: D+
Outlook: Not good
# of Beers I Would Like to Drink with Him: Three. As long as there's no Dance Dance Revolution involved.

- STEVE BLAKE

Remember how the Blazers signed Blake back last season and he was supposed to be the starter, but for some reason McMillan went with Jarrett Jack as the starter? It kind of reminds me of how sometimes it pays to be bad at your job, because then if there's something that needs to be done right away (and correctly), the boss will make somebody else do it. Of course, that doesn't make any sense, but neither does McMillan's coaching most of the time. If I were Steve Blake, I would be pissed off. Not only did Jack get the nod over him last year, but the drafting of Bayless was hailed as the solution to the Trail Blazers' point guard problems. Blake never gets the respect he deserves, and so this may have fueled his interest in training with an ultimate fighter over the summer...

Last Season: B+
Preseason: B
Outlook: Solid
Beers: Five. We can talk about white guy stuff.

- LAMARCUS ALDRIDGE

Aldridge makes no secret of his desire to be an all-star this season, which is completely possible given his rate of development. But I wonder... how many people are okay never being all-stars? Frye. Sergio. And not many more. Do they seriously think the league would let seven Blazers on the all-star team? I think this should happen: to appease LaMarcus, they should give him a "team MVP" award at the end of the season, even if, or especially if, Roy is an all-star again. For example, it doesn't matter that you're the world's greatest dad if the street's greatest dad lives down the road.

Last Season: A-
Preseason: B+
Outlook: Lanky.
Beers: One. Come on, he's from Texas.

- RUDY

Born of a chantreuse and a science experiment gone horribly right, Rudy Fernandez escaped from a New World athletics laboratory in the spring of 1985. Originally part of a group of sex robots, he was given incredible hand-eye coordination and eye-popping dribbling skills. After a series of odd jobs in Mallorca under the alias Farnham "Pat" Koop, he was kidnapped by the CIA and trained for a series of covert drops into southern Indonesia. When it was ready for his first drop, he got into a spirited discussion about jazz music with the pilot, and he overshot his target, landing in the South China Sea on Paul Allen's yacht, where he smooth-talked his way into Allen's bedroom. He fought his way through the hookers and took Allen by the throat, demanding safe passage to Portland, where he heard there was an abundance of brewpubs (he loved brewpubs).

The rest is history.

Last Season: N/A
Preseason: A+
Outlook: Look out.
Beers: Fifteen.

- BRANDON ROY

Look, Roy's got to give me something to complain about soon, or else I'm not gonna have anything interesting to say about him.

Last Season: A+
Preseason: A+
Outlook: A+
Beers: Zero. There's no way I'm doing anything to throw this guy off his game.

Game time.

TJH

One More Day

2008-10-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

It's time for our annual Worthless Preseason Blazer Predictions, where we will judge players based on a few meaningless preseason games and make jokes about Raef LaFrentz, who, if you by chance have forgotten, will make $13 million dollars this season for pretending to be interested in what the coaches say during timeouts.

Group 1: Scrubs

- IKE DIOGU

I could write a few paragraphs about Diogu's history and his "tenacity", but there really is no point in debating his worth at all. Diogu will not see one single minute of competitive basketball this season, and I will be surprised if by the end of the year Paul Allen hasn't traded him for another one of Jimi Hendrix's undershirts.

Last Season: C
Preseason: D-
Outlook: Who Cares.
# of Beers I Would Like to Drink With Him: One. Just to see what he even looks like.

- SHAVLIK RANDOLPH

What is this guy, Croatian? I have no idea. At any rate, I like his first name better than his last name. Which reminds me - I think that the Blazers should institute a "reverse-retirement" policy, whereby, instead of retiring a great player's number so nobody else can ever wear that number again, we should reverse-retire a player's name, so nobody on the Blazers can ever wear "Randolph", "Bowie", or "Martin" ever again. Also, Shavlik Randolph went to Duke, so eff him.

Last Season: C+
Preseason: C+
Outlook: White.
Beers: Zero. Again, he went to Duke.

- RAEF LAFRENTZ

Raef is hurt and so he probably won't play all year. If he wasn't hurt, he still probably would never play, but at least we would get to see him still dressed as a Blazer and thinking to himself, I STILL can't believe I get paid $13 million dollars this season... which brings me to my next LaFrentz question: since he's injured, does he still get to pick a song for the pre-game warmups? You know at the Rose Garden how every game they switch the opening song when the Blazers run out to the court, and the players take turns picking the song, and the song is usually some terrible rap song or weird salsa music (guess who)? I think Raef chose "Dust in the Wind" last year. Maybe this year he can pick "Desperado".

Last Season: D+
Preseason: N/A
Outlook: Dapper.
Beers: Seven. I bet you I could convince him to buy.

Group 2: Subs

- MARTELL WEBSTER

Martell is also hurt. He broke his foot and will be out until January. Too bad. This could have been his breakout year (for the third consecutive year). The thing with Martell is that he's streaky. The only person that's been a streakier shooter throughout his life has been me, who one time after school in 7th grade missed 173 straight three pointers. It was awesome.

Last Season: B-
Preseason: N/A
Outlook: Late.
Beers: Four. But it would have to be at my house because I think he still can't buy alcohol.

- TRAVIS OUTLAW

He came to camp out of shape - again - and had a piss-poor preseason - again. Outlaw was very effective last season, and he will be for some years to come. That's it, though; I don't see him ever getting past "effective". The biggest reason I say that is that he relies too much on his athleticism without learning even simple offensive moves. He just jumps over people and shoots. He can't post up, unless that post up involves leaping over the defender to score. He can't run the pick and roll. He can't read double teams. He can't pass or even defend that well. He spins into defenders, instead of around them. And for some reason I still really like him.

Last Season: B
Preseason: D
Outlook: High.
Beers: Zero. It looks like he drinks enough during the offseason.

- JERRYD BAYLESS

Bayless kicked ass during Summer League and got overconfident, and he came crashing back down to Earth during the preseason. I've never been the biggest Bayless supporter simply because him and Sergio would be fighting for the Point Guard of the Future tag, and there's no question who I support in that debate (arriba arriba andale andale)... but seriously, he just needs to chill out, man. Did you see him at his draft press conference? He didn't smile once. I mean, I didn't expect him to dance around Pioneer Place or anything, but still...

Last Season: N/A
Preseason: C-
Outlook: Slow.
Beers: One. I just have a feeling I would say something and piss him off.

- CHANNING FRYE

I think Frye is a perfect fit for us at the moment, in that he has no delusions of becoming a starter or ever becoming filthy rich, to the point where he could buy, say, a bowling alley in his pool house. I think he also won the Blazers' annual Hardest Worker Award, but don't pay much attention to that, because last year the winner was Jarrett Jack, and we all know how that turned out.

Last Season: B
Preseason: B-
Outlook: Solid.
Beers: Five. He'd probably want to stay longer, and I envision him being one of those guys where you just gotta be honest and say, Look, man, I need to go HOME...

- JOEL PRZYBILLA

Joel was my MVPOTBR (MVP Other Than Brandon Roy) last season. He was solid! Except for how he provides zero offense. And he's pretty slow. I wonder how he feels now that he's coming off the bench for the rest of his career? Do you think he is mad at how everybody just assumed Oden was going to start when he was healthy enough to play? Do you think he likes being called the Vanilla Gorilla? Plus: what is this guy, Croatian?

Last Season: A-
Preseason: B
Outlook: Vanilla.
Beers: Three. We would get along great and then we would start to talk about music (good!) and then he'd ask me what my favorite Eagles album is (bad!), and then I would go to the bathroom and sneak out the back door after I've zipped up. Or something to that effect.

- NICOLAS BATUM

Check it out: Batum might START tomorrow. It actually makes alot of sense, if by "alot of" you mean "very little". No, seriously, I think he should start, for the same sorts of reasons why I think we should stop talking about what free agents we will be able to sign next year when we have all that cap space. There is no WAY we can fit another scorer into the system as it stands. Batum can't score, but who cares? All he needs to do is play defense and maybe rough a guy or two up a little bit, if by "a guy or two" you mean "Bruce Bowen".

Last Season: N/A
Preseason: B-
Outlook: French.
Beers: Two. Think about it. I am 26 and write for a basketball website that nobody reads. He is 19 and starts for the Portland Trail Blazers. Anything past two beers would lead me down a deep, dark road.

- SERGIO

Yes! My favorite Blazer. By far! First of all, Sergio is playing so well that he got the nod over Bayless, Portland prized draft pick, in the second unit. Also: the Blazers picked up the last year of his contract, which there was no chance of before Rudy came. As I've said since I saw his first game two years ago, Sergio is the point guard of the future. He has not been given a chance to succeed in Portland because of our douchebag coach. Now? He's playing so good that McMillan can't possibly find a reason to not give him the playing time he deserves. Plus, he's playing with his best friend now, and the twinkle is back in his eye. Watch out!

Last Season: B
Preseason: A-
Outlook: Grande.
Beers: Zero. We'll drink sangria.

Tomorrow: The Stars.

TJH

Nine More Days

2008-10-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

I am so keyed up for basketball that I just bought my first ever television. My friend sold it to me for thirty bucks. It came with a functioning remote control.

It's a Zenith!

OK, so I wanted to be That Guy Who Doesn't Even Have a TV, and I was that guy for a little bit, but I came to my senses. Those guys can be a bit pretentious, anyway. Basketball starts in nine days, and I am now prepared.

I am prepared enough to make my predictions. Ho hum.

EAST:

1. Boston
2. Cleveland
3. Orlando
4. Detroit
5. Philadelphia
6. Washington
7. Chicago
8. New Jersey

WEST:

1. Houston
2. Los Angeles Lakers
3. Dallas
4. San Antonio
5. New Orleans
6. Portland
7. Utah
8. Phoenix

EAST FINALS: Boston over Cleveland
WEST FINALS: Dallas over Houston

NBA FINALS: Dallas over Boston

TJH

Ten More Days

2008-10-18T11:13:00.001-07:00

...

...

... and we're back.

I got home from Europe with basketball on my mind, and there was so much good things happening here that I couldn't help but think that this may be the most anticipated Blazer season ever.

Granted, we have our problems. Greg Oden has been positively unimpressive during the preseason. Martell Webster broke his foot. Nate McMillan is still our coach.

But think about it: Portland had never even made the playoffs before 1977, and so the best situation supporters could envision back then was to make the postseason (whatever that meant). See, they had no taste of the playoffs, and so they didn't know what they were missing out on. All throughout the eighties, we became complacent, accepting our early round playoff exits like the turning of the seasons and the consistency of Mike Schuler's hairpiece. In the early nineties our hopes were always tempered by the dark realities of Jordan, Magic, and the Bad Boys, and with the promises of new seasons always came the lingering bad tastes of the previous campaign's depressing last days. The late nineties brought team success, but corrupt management crippled our club for years, turning supporters away in droves and bringing the Portland Trail Blazers to the brink of total collapse.

At this point, with our team almost 40 years old and supporters of all ages having experienced various successes and failures of epic proportions, we know what it's like to matter - and we want to experience that feeling again. We know what we're missing out on, and somehow it feels like we won't be missing out for a long time.

The feeling is back. These are the new good old days. Let's enjoy them while we can.

TJH

September Update

2008-09-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

It's shaping up to be a quiet month here at RCF. Not much happening until training camp, and preseason starts in October (we'll start writing more next month).

In the meantime:

If you're interested in what RCF's own Kevin Thomas has been up to, check out his new website here.

Also, I am leaving for Germany tomorrow and will be documenting my trip at Static in the Cities. This may be just a two-week project, or it may grow into something so big and inspiring that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm leaning toward the former.

As for the Blazers, I just have to say this:

TJH

The People's Champion

2008-08-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

My earliest memory of basketball is walking into our garage and hearing my dad intermittently ranting at the radio.

"Dammit, Duckworth!"

He would be fixing his car or something, and it seemed like the anger gained from those old radio broadcasts fueled the mechanic in him. He would work faster and was much more animated, throwing wrenches around and cursing and spilling oil all over the floor. In retrospect, I suppose it wasn't a great environment for a 6-year-old to be hanging out in, but I knew that if I started complaining about Kevin Duckworth, it made me feel more grown up and mature. At the very least, I was welcome in the garage.

Duck played a huge role in my life back then. He was an object of scorn and derision, and everybody agreed he was the weakest link on those Finals teams, those teams that were missing that extra... something. "If we only had a better center," we would tell ourselves. Duckworth was constantly out of shape and slow of defense, to the point where his teammates and coach were calling him out in the media daily. Even mild-mannered Terry Porter joked with newspaper reporters that all team meetings were held at Duckworth's house because it had a fast-food window attached to it.

But you know what?

We joked because we cared.

Why else would I received FIVE (!?!) text messages from old friends the morning Duck died of heart failure at 44? This was breaking news. This was big! The stories rolled in:

- My friend Gray pumping Duck's gas a few years ago, only to be immediately invited to tag along with Duck and his friends to pal around on his speedboat and eat barbecue. Gray's insistence of staying at work to finish his shift proves to be one of his biggest regrets.

- My friend Brawner meeting Duck at a casino and hanging out for hours, playing cards and talking basketball, with Duck buying drinks for everybody and reveling in his (well-deserved) local celebrity.

And so on.

But why? Why did everybody love him after he retired? I'm not kidding: people hated Duckworth. To be honest, it was unfair. After all, he was a two-time All-Star with the Blazers and anchored them to two NBA Finals. But Duckworth's likeable personality and humility were always apparent, and after he decided to move to Portland permanently after his playing days, we made him a hero. Apologetically, perhaps, but he filled the role with gusto, constantly volunteering at schools, giving free basketball clinics, and openly proclaiming his love for the city and his deep regret of not being able to deliver a championship to his people.

A people's champion, indeed.

TJH

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2008-08-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

What a summer!!

Or so I'm told. I wouldn't know. I spend all day, every day in a hospital shooting electrons into people at high velocity while trying to shield peoples' nuts and other organs of importance. I mean it: all day. I've gone weeks in a row without seeing sunlight, drinking beer, or watching any basketball. The funnest thing I've done all summer is cut off all my hair.

But change is right around the corner: I graduate from college in 4 days! What will I do with myself?

I know - make lists!

"Things That Have Happened This Summer That I Should Have Written About in Some Capacity"

6. Elton Brand lies to best friend and coach, spurns Clippers and signs with Philly

I'm still shocked by this one. OK, Baron Davis signs with the Clips as a free agent, after receiving a promise by Brand that he (Brand) will re-sign at the soonest opportunity. Davis signs, and Brand bolts.

What happened? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count. Brand chose more money over keeping his word to his friend, teammates, and coach. After he signed with the 76ers, Brand claimed he was put off by the handling of the new Clips deal. This came after guaranteeing Mike Dunleavy that everything was going smoothly in the contract negotiations, and after convincing his best friend Davis to come play with him in Los Angeles. Of course, like so many things these days, it led to Dunleavy calling up a radio show and crying like a little girl, and to Davis acting aloof and sullen in interviews.

And this isn't just any team - it's the Clippers. This is like convincing your friend to join the army with you, and then backing out just as his plane leaves for basic training. Now, after having signed Ricky Davis, Jason Williams, and Marcus Camby to help fill the void left by Brand, the Clips have already been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs through 2014.

A relevant sidenote: Elton Brand's agent is David Falk, who managed to get Michael Jordan $33 million for one year's work... in 1997!! The same David Falk who convinced Jordan to never voice any opinions about anything, because "Republicans buy shoes too", and the same David Falk who destroyed the Minnesota Timberwolves franchise by forcing them to trade away his players by threatening them with years of mediocrity, which pretty much happened anyway, and led Kevin McHale to once say, "If a nuclear bomb dropped on Earth, two things would survive: roaches and David Falk."

5. Jerryd Bayless destroys Vegas Summer League, seems pissed off about falling so low in the draft, looks to be poised to compete for the starting point guard spot.

Who saw this coming? Well, just about everybody who saw how the Blazers manoevred to draft him. This is turning out so well. Not only is the talk of Brandon Roy being turned into a full-time point guard subsiding (which was an incredibly stupid idea in the first place), we've picked up a guy who could play the 2 when Roy takes over the point in the fourth quarter. As much as I like Steve Blake, that's something that he wasn't really able to do. Blake's a solid point guard, but as we approach the combo era, where everybody is expected to play at least two positions and be an efficient scorer/slasher/passer at any given moment, Bayless fits better.

Just look at this ten-man roster:

G Blake
G Roy
F Webster
F Aldridge
C Oden

G Bayless
G Fernandez
F Outlaw
F Frye
C Przybilla

The biggest issue before the draft was the point guard situation. Jack was traded, Bayless was drafted, and the problem already seems to be solved. Also: look at the different options we have at the 1/2/3. Roy can play point and SF, Webster can play the 2, Fernandez (possibly) could play all three, and Outlaw and Webster could switch roles or even play together. Furthermore, we could go small and play Aldridge and Frye together, or we could even play Aldridge as the 3.

OK, I'm getting too excited.

4. The world's two greatest bands are playing in the Pacific Northwest SIX DAYS APART!

I don't think many people realize this: This month, Radiohead and Oasis are playing in Seattle within a week of each other. A week! I'm chuffed. The only comparison I can think of right now is the Beatles and Stones in 1967, but at that point the Beatles had stopped touring, and the Stones were stealing each other's girlfriends. These are the best bands of their generation at their absolute zenith, pure professionals who are still relevant and who have maintained their edge. That's important to me: edge. High schoolers are continually fed decent tunes with decent melodies, but they're not dumb; they recognize edge when they hear it, and any young person can listen to Weird Fishes and pinpoint elements that are just nonexistent in the Disneyfied jumble of soft pleasantries.

Then again, I remind myself of one of those guys you meet who are like 42 years old and still claim bands like Rush are important, or that Oasis have just been ripping off the Beatles for the past 15 years (one of the biggest lies perpetuated by the American music press in history, by the way). I don't think I can judge them objectively because I grew up with them and I've been influenced by them more than most members of my family. Overall, I suppose, as long as people don't automatically discount anything new, I have nothing to complain about. New music is fantastic - you just have to dig a little deeper to find it. I read a Paul McCartney interview a while ago and he said that he doesn't find anybody really that interesting in music today. Really? Nobody? Of course, he doesn't actually listen to any new music, and his opinion doesn't matter anyway. But the point still stands: Rush sucks.

3. Europe is taking away all of our players!

Or so we're told. There's been no stars that have moved yet, but a Greek team has offered LeBron a $50-million-a-year contract starting in 2010. It makes sense for LeBron James to sign, considering his desire to be a "global icon", and his obsession to become the richest man in the world. Basketball comes tertiary, or quadrutionary, or quintipictionary for James, and considering the viable European market, I wouldn't really be surprised.

OK, I'd be surprised. But check it out: Five years ago, could you have imagined an American basketball player choosing to play in Europe over the NBA? No way. Granted, you could place some of the blame on Atlanta's miasmatic owners, who wouldn't be able to figure out how to turn a lawnmower on and who have as much financial sense as a Trapper Keeper. They lowballed Childress, and he flipped them off and left. Plain and simple.

The bottom line? This sucks only because the best players on the planet won't be grouped together in the same league anymore, and it will be more difficult to follow them all if we have to start paying attention to different leagues - especially if they're half the world away. Trust me, that's what I try to do with European soccer, and when there's over 100 teams you're trying to follow and five or six leagues you're following, it takes up about 80% of your daytime hours. I barely have time to brush my teeth.

2. The Blazers - big surprise - stick with their same boring uniforms for yet another season.

Yes, this is important to me. You know why?

If you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you play good.

The Blazers have maybe the worst uniforms in the league that doesn't include the color purple. Isn't this a perfect time, what with the whole recapturing Blazermania and winning basketball games thing (please, God?), to change the uniforms? We can just go back to our old uniforms; they were ten times better than what management makes their players wear now. The style is too early-90s: angled block letters with serifs, racing stripe, tilted logo to indicate sleekness, and silver accents. It looks stupid. Look:

Now look at this:

See? Much better. I guarantee that change alone would guarantee a season-long sellout, and I would honestly buy more tickets because of it.

I guess I'm just vain.

1. Olympics!

Yes! The Olympics are here!

I love the Olympics. One time (I am not making this up), I went on a camping trip that lasted the two weeks of the Atlanta Olympics in 1996. I asked my mom to record every single minute of the Olympics on tape. She likes me, and so she did, and I watched every minute of it after I got back, avoiding all media reports and newspapers until I was done watching.

See, that's devotion. But I don't think my Olympics obsession is all that unique. Every decent person I know is into the Olympics. Why? Why all of a sudden do we care about swimming and fencing? My theory is simple: it's on TV. How many times, apart from the Olympics, do we even get the chance to watch ping pong on TV?

Other things I like so far about the Olympics:

- Pommel Horse. Probably the manliest, rawest event in history. What other element of any sport is based solely on how close you come to smashing your testicles against the apparatus at high speed? Also, sometimes I think about aliens and if they watch us from time to time, and I wonder if they have ever seen a gymnastics meet, with humans flipping around and bouncing off stuff and flinging their legs around, and other humans sitting in the stands absolutely enthralled at the spectacle. I think this is why we haven't been invaded by aliens yet, because we provide such good entertainment and aliens are just sitting around laughing at us all day.

- George W Bush looking bored out of his effing mind on Friday during the Opening Ceremonies, and pretending to be appreciative of the Iraqi delegation. The camera panned to him after the Burundi team marched through, and he looked like an exasperated dad at the mall sitting down by the ice rink, whose wife is spending all his money and his daughter is dating a guy with a motorcycle.

- Some 35,000,000 hours of coverage to choose from, which provides a great distraction from studying for my board exams. The Olympics came at the perfect time for me, bringing with them the very real possibility that I will fail my boards and move into a cardboard box under the Burnside Bridge.

Thanks, NBC!

TJH

They Shall Know His Speed...

2008-07-25T00:52:00.000-07:00

A quick update on the previous post about Camby and the Nugs.

All is well, they signed Chris Andersen. Also known as BIRDMAN. Man I love me some Mark Warkenspleen. Or whatever his name is.

It all makes perfect sense now. They just needed to create a whole big enough, and desperate enough, to sign Andersen again and not make everyone in Denver collectively look for the nearest gun to shoot themselves with.

Fire Sale.

2008-07-16T03:22:00.000-07:00

I just read about the Marcus Camby garage sale. Here is an email I immediately sent to a few friends...

Um. So. The Nuggets have OFFICIALLY given up. Tell me if I'm wrong, but trading Marcus Camby for the POSSIBILITY of SWAPPING second round picks in 2010 to the Clippers, just seems like they don't give a shit any more. I can't even joke about it. No, I can. That's like trading Jon Miller straight up for Carlos Boozer, and then telling your fan base in Utah that they had to do it because they needed financial flexibility. It leaves everyone thinking, "but for Jon Miller? Really? That's all we could get?" I mean, could the Ughs really not get ANYBODY for him? not even a smush parker? how bout a JR Rider? Shit, trade him for a pack of cigarettes. You just traded your only defensive player for the possibility to SWAPPPPPPPPPP second round picks in 2010. Un Real. I love it.

***

Mark Warkensuck is really doing a number on those Nugs up there. And FYI, Jon Miller is a friend of mine who never played organized basketball past Middle School. But he is a lawyer. So at least they'd have that going for them in Denver...

Hide and Seek

2008-07-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

Here's something to ask:

What happened to Greg Oden?

I was over at my uncle's house yesterday and he brought it up. Oden's not playing in the summer league. He's not living in Portland. You never hear about him anymore.

According to his blog, last updated eleven days ago, he's back in Ohio working out on his own time and going to class. That's right: going to class.

He wants to be a dentist, see.

The Finals and the draft diverted the attention of the press away from Oden's progress, and so it's generally assumed that Oden will be 100% by the time of the season opener. I'm worried because during the season the updates were constant:

- "Greg Oden is now walking!"
- "Greg Oden is now spending time on the exercise bike!"
- "Greg Oden has a mohawk!"

No more. You would think that, if Oden was healthy, the Blazers would propagate the news to the press. Pritchard would be all over it. Instead, you have rumors that Oden has re-injured his leg, and that he may never play an NBA game, leading people to make completely ridiculous claims such as this. The media is going nuts over Bayless and Rudy, for good reason, but the smokescreen is working.

You know what? Maybe it's not ridiculous. Another injury wouldn't surprise me. I'm already assuming that he will be out with injuries for the majority of his career. Anything we get out of him is a bonus, as far as I'm concerned. He's by far the biggest question mark on our roster, and the only reason why Lakers supporters aren't worried that we will be taking ten championships in a row.

Isn't it funny? Just last year, Greg Oden was supposed to be the reason why the Blazers would win another championship.

Now? He may be the reason we don't.

TJH

OKC

2008-07-05T03:54:00.000-07:00

Happy America Day!

And to all those fans in OKC that read this blog, go give yourselves a big high five for being the lamest city in the world. The 48th largest market in the country just got an NBA team. 48th! Here's a quick little survey of the some of the cities that have a larger TV market in America than OKC:

-- Grand Rapids, Michigan. Believe it.
-- Raleigh, North Carolina. Yep, they have TV's there.
-- Hartford and Newhaven. That's right, Connecticut. No wonder the Lady Huskies do so well.

Oh, and don't forget Harrisburg and Lancaster. I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea where that is. I'll say Pennsylvania just because it sounds like Pittsburgh.

But really, Clay Bennett, kudos to you. I have no doubt this is going to turn out good, and just think, with such a huge bumper crop of top-tier free agents becoming available in 2010, now you can lure them to your franchise by selling them the high profile city that is OKC! It's worked out well for Minnesota and Milwaukee, I can't see it being any different for you.

Cheers.

Kevin

So Long, Sonics

2008-07-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

It's official:

The Seattle SuperSonics are no more.

This is a terrible thing for any sports fan. Proof positive that a relationship with a sports team is tenuous at best. Money can destroy years of support and generations of living and dying with your club. What matters to the league is not to provide the best possible product, or to foster goodwill within local communities, or to provide families a shared interest or a common goal.

What matters is money.

It's obvious, and it's foolhardy to suggest otherwise. The NBA is corrupt. The commissioner is a phony, a villain, and a menace to every true supporter of any NBA club. Regardless of Clay Bennett's stated intentions, and his arrogance and his wads of cash, it shouldn't have mattered. David Stern should have stood up to the millionaire and defended his product, and he should have set an example by admonishing Bennett and his degenerate hick friends for even intimating that the 40-year-old franchise would ever break its lease and turn their backs on their supporters and devoted fans.

No such luck.

Bennett wanted a team, and he got one, having been led down the path by Stern himself. Never mind that the relocation of the Memphis Grizzlies would have made much more sense, and never mind that the Oklahomans blatantly lied about their intentions to basically everybody that was involved. Stern is a horrible man with no concept of ethics and fairness, and he has consistently demonstrated that the only thing he cares about, and the only thing that motivates him, is money.

Money.

I think about if this happened to my team, and I cringe. I will never support the Oklahoma City Swindlers, regardless of who is on their team. And I hope I never meet David Stern in person, because I would probably end up in jail afterwards.

TJH

The Man Who Should Be King

2008-06-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

Thursday was a good day.

Pritchard worked his draft-day magic once again and was able to land a top-5 prospect with the 13th pick.

Welcome to Portland, Jerryd Bayless.

Not only that, but when our time came to make our pick, we had two legitimate offers on the table: Augustine and Bayless. Charlotte apparently took Augustine with hopes of trading him to Portland, based on what Pritchard was saying to the media and surely to Charlotte's front office.

Here's the thing - Pritchard didn't even want Augustine. He wanted Bayless, and influencing the Bobcats to pick Augustine guaranteed that Bayless would still be on the board at #11, so the Blazers would only have to trade up two spots instead of four. Was it unethical? Maybe. Should anybody care? No way. First of all, Charlotte was stupid to make the pick before a guaranteed deal was in place. Second, Michael Jordan has been duped countless times during his time in Charlotte, so it would be foolish not to get in on some of that hot action. Now, the Bobcats are stuck with three undersized point guards, two of whom are moody and insecure in the roles, and the other being an unproven rookie who has to live in Charlotte, of all places, for a few years.

Way to go, guys.

Again, Pritchard didn't show his hand, and he got exactly what he wanted. He worked the phones like mad, but didn't make it obvious what he was after. Compare him to Kevin McHale, who gushed about Kevin Love for weeks before draft day, and made it obvious to everybody that he wanted Kevin Love on his team more than, say, peace in the Middle East. This was no smokescreen; McHale wanted Love, he told everybody, and he ended up with him. He actually lucked out and made a pretty good Mayo-for-Love swap by dealing with Chris Wallace, possibly the only GM in the league more incompetent than McHale himself.

Addition by subtraction was the order of the day, and by that measure, we added some great tools. For example, Jarrett Jack is... wait for it... NO LONGER A PORTLAND TRAILBLAZER. It feels so good to write. We also purged resident court jester Josh McRoberts, whose greatest attributes were being Greg Oden's friend and being white. We actually didn't directly reduce the amount of guaranteed contracts on our team, essentially replacing Jack with Bayless and McRoberts with Ike Diogu. James Jones, high on mushrooms at the time, opted out of his deal, though, and we still have very valuable trade assets that could be put into play in the next couple months.

Obviously, Pritchard's not done. Not by a long shot.

Other highlights from the draft:

Eric Gordon's white-as-snow butler suit... Sacramento being just plain lazy and picking a guy at #12 who they could have traded down for and nabbed at #22... Stephen A Smith desperately trying to be taken seriously... a behind-the-scenes look at behind the stage where David Stern always walks out of to announce the picks... New York and Sacramento fans giving their team executives a grade of 'F' for the night... OJ Mayo wearing glasses trying to look like a guy you could trust your 17-year-old daughter with... and Robin Lopez trying to fit his hat on top of his Sideshow Bob haircut.

Here's to Kevin Pritchard, the toast of the town. Again.

TJH

Yes Sir.

2008-06-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

After watching yet another draft where KP officially owned the draft all the way through, I have decided to make it official:

Kevin Pritchard can have my baby.

The Shock Before the Lightning

2008-06-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

The NBA Draft is tomorrow.

I can't wait.

So much to say, so little time...

First of all, to clear things up, I do NOT think Kevin Pritchard is an idiot in any way, shape, or form. I may have called him that at one point in the past two years, but it must have been in a somewhat lighthearted vein, like how I'm about to call Kevin a knucklehead for supporting German footballers. Remember, just two weeks ago I gave him a solid B grade so far. B, as in Better Than Average. He's made some small mistakes, but I like him, and I love how everybody says he's burning up the phone lines and he's legitimately scaring people right now.

Right now, I envision GMs like Kevin McHale or John Hammond sitting down for a lovely meal with their wife, and debating which movie to order from pay-per-view tonight. Meanwhile, I'm sure Kevin Pritchard's still on the phone lines, so sweaty that the phone is slippery against his ear, yelling at his kids for interrupting him, chicken bits stuck to his faces and bare drumsticks scattered around his desk. That's who I want as my GM. That's who I want calling the shots.

Somebody who will sacrifice his own well being for the sake of the basketball team I support.

To Kevin, I say this: High five!

Speaking of Euro 2008, we're likely headed for a Germany v Russia final, which is almost the perfect microcosm of any war-related activity throughout the entire 20th century. If there was a way to involve the United States and have a three-way competition, I think some big things would happen as a result, such as the destruction of the world economy, Nuclear Winter, or Kraftwerk topping the charts.

Some Blazer rumors:

- Webster and the pick to the Suns for Barbosa. I agree with Kevin - this is stupid. With Barbosa and Roy, I guess Roy would play the point, which I am adamently opposed to. The wear and tear would create more potential for injuries, and Barbosa is unproven in a system that stresses defense.

- Jack and two picks to New Jersey for their pick (#10) and Hassell. Again, stupid. We don't need a pick if it isn't top five (I like Kevin's Minny proposal), and even that is stretching it. Where will the rookies play? Not on our team, that's for sure. There would not be any significant chance at improvement at the pro level without jettisoning an Outlaw, Aldridge, or Blake/Rodriguez/Fernandez.

- Jack and the pick(s) for David Lee. This one I like. David Lee is great, although Frye would have to leave to make room.

In the end, I think the best thing to do would be to package the picks together (along with Jarrett Jack, without hesitation) for future picks. Veterans who are being shopped by other teams are few and far between: Devin Harris (good), Lee (good), Jefferson (overrated), Haslem (dead), and a bunch of Eastern Europeans (Slavic). The best option for Portland as a pick-up this summer was Jose Calderon; the Raptors are desperate to keep him and have guaranteed him a starting spot, as evidenced by the TJ Ford trade three hours ago.

I see Pritchard making some minor deals and definitely trading the #13 pick tomorrow. I hear whispers about making a big move, and personally, a big move for me is moving Jack, Webster, or Frye, the only players that could conceivably be traded tomorrow. We could see KP break his own record of six trades in one day, which will make me like him even more than I do now.

All for now - I'm trying to bang all this out in a fifteen minute break from work. Forgive the bad jokes and ill-conceived Kraftwerk reference.

TJH

PS: A draft related link... if you haven't read any of Bill Simmons' draft diaries throughout the years, you NEED TO READ THEM. Start with this one.

PPS: I think I should point out that my pick to win Euro from the very beginning was Spain. Granted, I could come back later and edit this post by replacing the word "Spain" with "Germany", and I would seem like a genius no matter what, and so that option will be considered in the next few days.

Draft-Eve

2008-06-25T01:17:00.001-07:00

Kevin Pritchard could sire my child if he wanted to. Or, at least be a God Father to it. He bought the 26th pick from the Hornets. I have read tons of draft notes on ESPN that say we might pick some dude from Europe that I know will either never make it to the NBA because the dollar is so weak, or will be a huge bust and be traded away to a team like Minnesota, a la Kryhapa (or however you spell it) to Chicago.

I give this 26th pick about a 2% chance of it actually remaining with the Blaze show for the next 36 hours. I see this as a pickup used only to get more tradeable assets. If you don't think we are trading picks this year, all 6 of them!, you have been sniffing way to much paste.

This is what I hope for: 13th and 26th pick, Channing Frye, Jarret Jack to Minnesota for the 3rd pick and a cap-related player. They wouldn't do it, we'd have to throw in Webster instead. And they already have a Webster in Rashad McCants, but who knows, Kevin McHale gave Garnett to the Celtics. Crazier things have happened. And they sure as hell don't need anyone at the 3rd spot.

I am almost giddy like it's Christmas Eve waiting to see what Pritchard pulls off. And remember, we have Oden coming back this year, are you kidding me?! Even if he gives us 8 and 8 and 2 all year, wouldn't that be exponentially better than that lame duck Joe P we have in the middle right now?

Kevin Pritchard, I know Ty thinks you are an idiot for some reason, even though we are relevant again for the first time in a century it seems and everyone thinks we are going to be dominant for years to come, but I am behind you 100%! As long as you don't give Sergio an extension just so Rudy has someone to hang out with.

To Pick or Not To Pick.

2008-06-22T23:08:00.000-07:00

I just watched the video of Joe Alexander's workout on Blazers.com. He gave the most UNDERWHELMING interview I have ever seen. But, maybe that's what we need, although I am dying for someone on the team that will stir the pot every once in a while, or at least give us hope that he might be stirring the pot sometime in the near future, I realize that we got a good thing going, and we should keep going with it. But really, who can resist getting a guy with some attitude to beat some people up?! I know I can't. Maybe we should look into trading for Kenyon Martin...I digress.

Ty, nice post from MANZANITA?! I'm surprised there was even a TV there. And yes, it was the best thing that ever happened to me down here to have the Lakers NOT win. Incredible. And by such a close margin in the end...Heartwarming really.

I have been buried in the EuroCup 2008 for the last two weeks. I love country versus country soccer. Especially when the countries have been at war with one another in the past. If you score a winning goal in the EuroCup, you are a hero in your country. Not just on your team, or in your little city, but in your whole country. I could care less about watching club soccer, but this stuff is the shit. Excuse my language. I can't wait till Germany (my team and country!) plays Turkey on Wednesday, I might just rent me a German whore and a stein of beer and settle on in for the game! Minus the whore.

But this isn't what this meaningless entry is about. It really is about Joe Alexander and how I hope to God we don't draft another rookie, unless his name is Michael Beasley. I heard a rumor about trading Martell Webster and the pick for Barbosa. It's intriguing, but I don't know what that guy can bring to the team more than just shooting every single time he touches the ball. He has incredible speed, but he can't play point. He can stretch the D, but he can't play D. I would much rather trade a good player like that and the pick for a point, or Michael Beasley. OR! Maybe we can swing a trade for Rasheed and give him one last go around before he retires? Eh? Whose with me?I know, that's about as good an idea as it was for all the Russians in the crowd against the Dutch to take their shirts off in the second half.

What does everyone else think? Keep the pick and get someone like Alexander, or trade? Hopefully everyone says trade, or else bad things will happen to your mailboxes.

Game Six

2008-06-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have escaped the iron jungle.

I left the big city in a huff, and drove down to the Pacific Ocean, which, for all intents and purposes, never lives up to expectations.

I’m sitting at the San Dune Tavern, a small smoke-free pub in Manzanita, where I’ve altogether spent way too much time. I am sitting on patio furniture that has been brought inside. My table is grated like the grill on a barbecue. I have left Portland to clear my head and recharge my batteries, but still my life is revolving around the NBA Finals and Euro 2008. You can take the boy out of the city, but you still can’t make him sit through a baseball game on the big screen TV when France is playing freaking Italy.

No such worries tonight, though. Basketball is no fringe interest, thank God, even in small beach towns, and other people here are actually interested in the game. The pre-game show is on, and we now see Big Phil (Jackson, not Scolari) storm out of his press conference. Yes!

Lakers, Celtics, Game 6. I want the Celtics to win for two reasons.

One, the Lakers winning another championship will just make it harder for the Blazers to get by Los Angeles in any playoff series in the next few years. Losing this series could seriously damage their confidence, and Kobe could revert to his selfish ways. Plus, we’re Blazers supporters here. We are not allowed to support L.A., even if Kevin lives there now. It doesn’t matter, and he’ll agree with me in a second.

Two, I have to go back to Portland and work on Thursday night. Thursday, as it happens, is when Game 7 is scheduled. If the series goes to seven games, I will not be able to watch it, and I will never forgive myself for not calling in sick, which, to be honest, is something I haven’t completely ruled out yet.

We'll see what happens. I should point out that I thought the Lakers would take the series in five games, and I still don’t feel comfortable completely ruling them out, simply because we haven’t seen one single great complete game from them yet. Of course, the main reason for that is because of Boston’s defense, so it’s not like a simple roll of the dice whether or not the Lakers will be clicking. And it’s not like we’ve seen a great game from Boston either. This series has been pretty mediocre, actually, in terms of game play, but I guess that’s been part of its charm. Blown leads, passive defense, sporadic moments of brilliance, clutch-time disappearances… we’ve seen it all. And I’m still ecstatic that San Antonio, Cleveland, and Detroit are playing no part.

Of course, it would benefit the league immensely if the series went seven, but the conspiracies have finally gotten out of hand. On the heels of the Donaghy revelations, Lakers supporters are claiming the league favors Boston, which reminds me of how Republicans are still claiming Barack Obama is an elitist.

Midway through one, Kobe is on fire, single-handedly keeping the game close, scoring eleven of his team’s thirteen points. The most impressive thing about Kobe is his range. He shoots 35-footers using the same form as he would a free throw. The second most impressive thing? I can completely avoid using his last name, and every single person that will ever read this will still know who I’m talking about.

There’s a guy here who’s meeting up with some of his friends. He appears to be some sort of intellectual, based on his speech and his glasses and his big laugh. Let’s call him Barry. His friends wanted to meet here because they knew the game would be on. “Apparently, there’s some big basketball game tonight?” Barry asks the waitress.

“If Boston wins, it’s the last game,” she says.

Five minutes later, his friends have arrived and they’re watching the game. Kobe hits his second three. “They’ve got to put somebody on Kobe!” he yells.

Still in the first, we see Kevin Garnett take the clipboard from Doc Rivers and explain something to PJ Brown. Easily the funniest part of the game. Incredibly, Doc has out-coached Big Phil so far, as evidenced by Phil’s insertion of Chris Mihm into the game on Sunday. Doc would never have done that. My grandma would never have done that.

As I was writing that last sentence, I swear this happened: Doc put Glen Davis into the game for the first time in this series. You can’t make this stuff up. That would be like Nate McMillan putting Raef LaFrentz into a Finals game. In short, it would not happen.

Speaking of the Blazers, Jesus F. Christ. Even in the early-‘90s there wasn’t this level of optimism. Back then we were good, but we were getting old, and we had some severe weak spots. Now, as it stands, Sergio Rodriguez, a world champion, and James Jones, one of the best shooters in NBA history, are our 11th and 12th men.

I digress. Game 6 is still close, and I can’t concentrate when I start thinking about the Blazers – especially after four beers.

The bar is overwhelmingly pro-Boston, and we erupt when Eddie House makes it a nine-point lead midway through the second quarter. Barry is having a grand old time, laughing his deep, hearty, sophisticated laugh. Boston extends the lead to fourteen, as we’re almost at halftime. Doc Rivers has wisely went to House over Cassell, who can only play the wily veteran card for so many years.

What’s with Kobe’s disappearing act in the second quarters? Admittedly, he’s in a tough position. If he keeps shooting, he’s labeled selfish and he has “reverted to his old ways”, according to Mark Jackson. If he gives the ball up, he “needs to take over and take control of the game,” according to the same Mark Jackson, who contradicts himself as often as Rajon Rondo adjusts his headband.

Garnett makes an incredible one-handed fadeaway jumper as he’s fouled, and the crowd at the San Dune goes nuts. It’s a 23-point lead for Boston, and something tells me the Celtics are well on their way to a 17th championship.

I start talking to another old guy who’s here at the bar – his name is Warren. He has a racecar on his sweatshirt. He likes the Celtics because “all their players have real American names.” Let’s see… Paul, Kevin and Ray, against Kobe, Pau, and Lamar… yep, the Celtics are the house favorites here at the San Dune! Meanwhile, the bar is packed to the brim, and I feel confident nobody will swipe my laptop when I go to the bathroom. Still, I take it with me. You can’t take the city away from the boy…

It’s safe to say that the San Dune won’t be packed like this for the Euro Final.

I should have ordered the ribs.

Boston is still cruising, and Rivers has put in PJ Brown. I hate PJ Brown. When he played for Miami, and when I worked for the Blazers, he would have me stand next to him during the player introductions and hold a hot pack at his waist level, because he liked to warm his hands up on it. But he wouldn’t ask you; he would grab you by the arm and pull you over to him, and you’d lose your balance and fall, and he would drag you over to him, like a rag doll, or a dog on a lead. It was never the stars who treated us badly, but the role players who yearned for star status and celebrity, and to them the first step towards that end was to treat young kids like rubbish.

Kevin Garnett? Class act, all the way. Friendly, warm, genuinely interested in what you had to say. Ray Allen? Same. He called me ‘sir’ once. And these guys were All-Stars, which really gave them no more reason to act like snobs and treat you like dirt, but it was always interesting to me the players that caused us the most problems; players like PJ Brown. Brian Grant. Jason Williams.

And so on.

According to Barry, “the Celtics, I would say, are on the verge of emerging successful in this battle of brawn.”

The Celtics, by the way, are up by 31 points now. Against Boston, the Lakers have shown some glaring deficiencies that they’ll need to address. Obviously, rebounding is an issue, and even with Bynum back, they’ll need some bench support. Thankfully, for Los Angeles, the Spurs, Suns, and Mavs are getting old and irrelevant, and the teams they’ll be dealing with in the West (Portland New Orleans, Oklahoma) are inexperienced and too young. Still, my friend Sean is a Lakers supporter, and even though Portland didn’t even make the playoffs this season, he’s scared. Out of his mind.

Time for: Politics at the San Dune! Warren just said this to me: “Will the real Barack Obama please stand up?” Later: “More like Obama Bin Laden.” Sigh.

End of three, Boston up by 58. The Lakers have zero offensive rebounds. And this team beat San Antonio in five games?

Everyone at the San Dune, including me, has lost interest at this point, although we echo a resounding “Oooohhh!” after every Ray Allen three. I love that sound. He must have 8 threes by now. Talk about completely redeeming yourself.

“It’s become punitive, I do believe!” exclaims Barry. Shut up, dude.

So, we’ve some questions here. First, is Kevin Garnett now at Tim Duncan’s level, now that he has a ring? I say absolutely. I’ve always believed Garnett to be the superior player, and considering that Garnett has consistently bettered Duncan in head-to-head matchups for about ten years, I’d say its about time. Second, does this enhance or tarnish Kobe’s legacy? Kobe was positively uninspiring during the Finals, and it’s hard to avoid those eyewitness accounts that are popping up all over the place about him berating Big Phil and his teammates. ABC is pushing the “Kobe-Is-A-Great-Teammate” angle so hard that they allowed his wife and daughters to meet him in the tunnel after Game 5, a situation which he most definitely took advantage of by kissing everybody and generally behaving like a douchebag. But what happened? He couldn’t take any of the games over, as we were led to assume he could, and he didn’t create for his teammates, and to be honest, it didn’t seem like he took it seriously enough, as well as his teammates and his coach… which, as I said earlier, is GREAT news for Blazers supporters.

Boston is leading by 41 with a minute to go. Forty-one. They are now throwing behind-the-back alleys. In a Finals game.

At least I don’t have to call in sick on Thursday.

TJH

Draft or Bust

2008-06-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

I first started to think, "Man...this year's draft could really be a bust," just about when everyone they talked about being picked in the late lottery was described as either, a. "concerned about work ethic," b. "concerned about athletic ability," or c. "raw."

Then they started saying this is one of the deepest drafts for guards ever, but not true shooting of point guards, COMBO guards. Combo guard? How many combo guards work out well in the NBA? Iverson, but he is one of the top 50 players in the history of the game, a rare thing to accomplish it seems. Ellis from Golden State? He too is a rare breed, able to walk on air as he flies to the hoop with his 6'1" frame.

But guys like Westbrook and Bayless have BUST written all over them. DJ Augustin? If you pick him in the late lottery in middle first round I think he might be worth it, might turn out like a Devin Harris type player.

Then they started talking about trading Wade for the #1 pick so that the Heat could take Rose and Beasley and start all over, with guys like Noah and Thabalosh-who! from Chicago. Come on. That's ridiculous. That might work in a video game. It's really hard for me to believe that this draft isn't going to turn out just like the 94 draft.

Sure, there was Tim Duncan who has been a superstar for his whole career, but after that, look at the value of the player relative to where they were picked, and how their career turned out, and tell me it's not a bust. After Duncan it goes, Van Horn, Billups, Antonio Daniels, Tony Battie, Ron Mercer, Tim Thomas, Adonal Foyle, and finally Tracy McGrady (who hasn't gotten out of the first round).

Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley. One of those two will most likely be a star. But after that, I'd be careful who you draft, which is why I'm glad the Blazers are seriously trying to trade their pick. As long as we don't get Kirk Hinrich. He was good for a year. I want someone who is a playmaker, not just a good shooter who can pass a little. Someone who can create shots for other people all the time. TJ Ford might be that guy, but he also might not ever walk again if he is taken down hard during practice this summer, so there's that.

What does everyone else think, does this draft look like it's shaping up to be a bust? Or, do you think all the hype is really worth it? Kevin Love? Big time superstar? Or, the next trade fodder like Van Horn?

An Open Letter to Kevin Pritchard

2008-06-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Sir,

Greetings. You don't know me, and probably never will. I am a lifelong supporter of the Portland Trail Blazers, the team you govern. I am your typical supporter, one who often thinks he can do your job better than you, and doesn't hesitate to criticize your character when you make a bad move. I am Joe Sixpack. I am Eddie Punchclock. I am the man on the Clapham omnibus.

Before we start: I want your job. Let's be frank. I always have, and I would stop at nothing to throw you under the bus and weasel my way into the high-flying, wild world of sports management, which I assume is a profession that revolves around soaring around the world in private jets and attending catered events on a weekly basis. Make no mistake - you are in an enviable situation. You have the league's richest owner who has recommitted himself to spending the money necessary to win a championship. The biggest concern in your professional life right now is convincing the family of your Spanish superstar that it would be a good idea for him to come play for a soon-to-be fantastic team in a fantastic city.

Right now, the biggest concern in my professional life is whether or not I will develop a debilitating ulcer before I finish college.

You dig?

You have done a decent job running our team. My grade for you at this point? B. Solid. Your masterful 2006 Draft demonstrated a perfect blend of balls and moxie, and your public call, and subsequent adherence, to a change in culture brought many supporters out of the fold and into the local slipstream of yet another string of Rose Garden sellouts. You realized Zach Randolph was a cancer and you wisely shipped him out for seemingly next to nothing, and surely you had a good laugh at the pundits' dependence on his overblown numbers. You wisely took advantage of Phoenix's tightwad owner and picked up two world champion Spanish superstars for pocket change.

On the other hand, you wasted a first round draft pick on a chronically injured and unproven center. (I'm sure you are sick of the Sam Bowie comparisons, but how about LaRue Martin?) You failed to re-sign Ime Udoka on the cheap when your team was in desperate need of a solid defender. Your obsession with your top-secret basketball metrics borders on maniacal, and your past ties and known association with the San Antonio Spurs franchise is disconcerting, to say the least.

All things considered, you're doing a fine job. Compared to Whitsitt and Patterson, you're a godsend. Steve Patterson reminds me of Ronald Reagan, and how Reagan blindly took policy advice from his wife, who was in turn taking policy advice from her astrologer. And by the way, I'm not old enough to remember Ronald Reagan, but I think it's generally known now that he didn't know what the hell he was doing for one second while he was in charge, and I guess the only question is whether it was due to Alzheimer's or just the fact that he had less capacity for rational thought than a Brooks Brothers catalog.

That was Steve Patterson. He was clueless. He talked a good game, and he smiled big for the cameras. But at least he wasn't malicious. Wait... well, there was that little thing about firing longtime Blazers employees for no reason, and cutting off media access to practice, and committing a lewd act on a horse. But Whitsitt was evil, man.

Real quick: I have a Whitsitt anecdote. When I started working for the Blazers, I signed a "conduct contract", which mostly was just saying that I would dress like I was told to, and not ask players for autographs, and not steal anything. Typical, really. But there were also guidelines on how to act when Whitsitt was around. If he walked by, we were instructed to step to the side of the room or hallway, stand still, and lower our heads. We could resume normal activity after he left. I didn't question it, and I played by the rules, because after all, I was working for the Portland Trail Blazers, but it really made me angry that this guy would think so highly of themselves to the extent of forcing people to lower their heads in his presence, angry enough to constantly use italics and sometimes even italicize entire sentences.

In terms of running the Blazers and operating as president and general manager, Whitsitt ruined the team, and the decisions he made led to the eventual near-sale, which would have probably led to a situation like what's happening with the Sonics. The fans stopped caring, the players stopped caring, and Paul Allen eventually stopped caring. Then you came along, and you seemed to be a decent guy who had ideas that were based in logic, of all things, and did not get completely drunk on power, to the point where you actually spend time scouting and communicating with possible trade partners. Such wild ideas, and yet you've been so successful. I guess experience isn't everything.

So surely you don't need another crackpot giving you advice. I'm sure you get enough of that already, considering that you've cultivated an image of yourself that seems approachable and friendly. But I think my visions of the team go right along with the majority of Blazers supporters, and so on behalf of our loyal fanbase, I will make

THREE SUGGESTIONS

that would benefit the team and get us one step closer to a championship. Here you go:

1. Trade Jarrett Jack. Make a play for Jose Calderon.

First things first - Jack needs to go. His style of play does not mesh well with the rest of the team. He is (yes, I'll say it again) turnover prone, which is kind of like saying Rasheed Wallace is prone to mild emotional outbursts from time to time. There's obviously a point guard logjam with the Blazers, and cutting Jack loose would be the first step towards completely rectifying the problem at the point.

The second step? Acquiring a proven leader who can run and does not rock the boat. There was talk about possibly signing Chris Paul next summer; at this point, there's no way he would leave New Orleans, and he would be too expensive anyway. You could draft somebody, but we both know we don't need more youth and inexperience. Somebody like Calderon would be perfect. He's a great shooter, unselfish, high assist-to-turnover ratio, and a world champion. With Calderon, Blake wouldn't start, but he wouldn't care; he'd still be playing an important role in a successful team. Blake, along with Outlaw, Rudy, and Joel Przybilla, would make a pretty good second squad.

2. Purge dead weight. Stock up on draft picks from 2010 on.

This year, no more rookies. There's no room. None. Furthermore, there will be no time to wean newcomers into the fold. It's time to win - FINALLY - and you don't want to waste any more time pretending that Josh McRoberts is going to turn into anything close to a contributor. Get rid of him. Trade all of the picks, and next year's picks. Don't even think about bringing any prospects over (except Rudy - he's key). Even Webster might be expendable.

The thing is, things will be different in three years. We might need picks. We might need young blood again. If you play your cards right, you'll have a perfect combination of young star players, wily veterans, and future draft picks that will lead to many years of contention. That's why the Udoka non-signing was so stupid. Moderation is vital. You don't want to be too young. You don't want to be too old. You don't want to be too inexperienced, or experienced, for that matter. It's such a simple concept, but it's gets twisted and convoluted such that you have teams trading All-Stars for flashes in the pan.

3. Shorten Nate McMillan's leash.

McMillan, I'm convinced, can't be trusted. His personal relationship with a player (Jack) significantly diminished progress last year, and he has had trouble altering his coaching style to his players' strengths. His motivational style can be legitimately questioned, as exhibited by LaMarcus Aldridge's early season refusal to play in the deep post. Most alarmingly, though, is his failure to grasp the benefits behind the high octane offense. He rarely gave any playing time to Sergio Rodriguez because Rodriguez would push at times when McMillan wanted him to hold back. When Sergio played within McMillan's slow-it-down offense, he was ineffective; when Sergio played without restraints and decided to run, his numbers went up, and the Blazers were effective.

McMillan shouldn't be fired at this point. It would be too big of a change at this particular junction. Give him one more season, and if serious progress is not made, a coaching change will be necessary. He should embrace creativity and originality, and we hope he starts catering his style to the strengths of his players. He needs to be more hands-off, in that he shouldn't have to call every play from the sidelines. Until then, limit his influence on personnel decisions, and just hope that you won't have to make a real tough decision in about twelve months' time.

That's it - I've made my case. You've got a great opportunity here, but also a lot to lose.

Don't blow it.

Peace, Love, and Bananas,
Tyler J Hinds