Embrace Your Fantasy

Your Fantasy: Accentuating The Positive

2009-04-09T00:42:00.005-05:00

Lately I’ve encountered several experiences that could have made me feel sad or down. Well, they did at first but I quickly got it together after a friend reminded me of the exception question.

As I journey through the philosophies of therapy, I’m studying narrative therapy which teaches us how to identify the “story” that people create about their lives. Whatever we want to believe about our lives, we will mentally search through our recollection and find evidence to support it.

For example: NO ONE LOVES ME.

Remember that time in 3rd grade when I was chosen last for the dodge ball game?

There was a time when Henry broke up with me to be with Suzy and I was so embarrassed.

Whenever I walk into a room no one notices and no one speaks to me.

I have been single for 10 years and I can’t even get a date.

Sound familiar?

Sure, when you look at the evidence cited you would have to include that no one loves you but are those really the ONLY experiences that you have had or are you choosing to highlight those experiences?

Has there ever been a time when you’ve experienced evidence that someone, somewhere, loved you?

Go ahead and think about it for a minute.

Have you ever received an award in school for effort or appreciation for your contribution to a project? That was your teachers way of showing she loves you.

Have you ever received a note from an admirer, even though you didn’t admire them back? That was love coming your way. You simply chose not to accept it.

Take the time to do a mental recount of the times when your current negative situation was non existent in your life.

I hate my job!
Were there ever moments of laughter in your workplace, even at the expense of other co workers?

You have to find the exception to the story you have created for yourself in order to accentuate the positive. Shifting your focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right will help you to identify and maintain more of what’s going right. Find evidence that supports your most wonderful, positive story and string that evidence together to create your new story.

Try This...

The next time your computer acts up and you can’t log in and you’re thinking, “This computer sucks!” Walk away from your computer and sit down quietly…reminisce about all the fun you and your computer has had together. Give yourself a break as you laugh about all the fun you’ve had on twitter and all the friends you’ve reconnected with on facebook.

The next time you are angry with your significant other and you want to throw in the towel, stop and ask yourself, “Was there ever a time when I didn’t feel like this?” Focus on those good memories and decide if one argument or miscommunication is really worth erasing all of the good memories and potential memories.

Your Fantasy: Figuring Out If He Only Wants Sex

2009-03-20T19:28:00.001-05:00

And here is the rest of it.

Your Fantasy: Dealing With Rejection

2009-03-16T02:45:00.000-05:00

And here is the rest of it.

Your Fantasy: Taking The First Step Toward Your Success

2009-03-14T11:08:00.001-05:00

And here is the rest of it.

Your Fantasy: Dealing With Baby Mama Drama

2009-03-14T01:25:00.000-05:00

And here is the rest of it.

Your Fantasy: ReWriting Your Story

2009-03-14T01:24:00.000-05:00

And here is the rest of it.

Your Fantasy: Discovering Your Truths

2009-03-11T23:28:00.003-05:00

There are certain types of individuals who might argue that certain things are TRUE and can not be denied. I like to call these type of people “happily socialized” and I am not speaking to them in this article.

For the rest of us with an open mind, TRUTH is subjective. The TRUTHS we hold fast to in our lives are mere illusions or choices that we have happily accepted.

What is the TRUTH anyway?

Is it TRUE that the sky is blue?

Is it TRUE that you will never amount to anything?

Is it TRUE that aliens do not exist?

Is it TRUE that you will not find love until you achieve a certain goal?

Let’s tackle the first one so that you will understand where I am going with this. The sky is blue because as a society we gave a name to that color. If whoever invented this language had called it something else, we would be calling it a different name too.

See…most of our TRUTHS are ideas that were planted in our heads by someone else. What makes it TRUE is our belief in that idea. What we believe, we experience.

Are you holding on to a certain TRUTH that causes you to fear disappointed, angry or fearful? If so, you must recognize that the TRUTH which is causing you so much discomfort is a TRUTH that you chose and you have permission to choose differently.

Do your religious beliefs cause you to feel weighted down by life?

Did someone tell you that you had to lose weight before you can find love?

Are you certain that you will never be able to fit comfortably into any social situation?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions, you have chosen these beliefs and you are free to change them at any time.
Change what is TRUE for your life by choosing beliefs that serve you well and promote a healthy, abundant lifestyle.

Once you change your beliefs and your TRUTHS, your life will be a reflection of those TRUTHS. Your behavior will change due to your shift in expectations and your response to your environment will shift too.

Imagine if you got rid of the TRUTH that you could never be a millionaire. If you changed your TRUTH to “I can be a millionaire and I have the skills to make it happen,” you will instantly feel supercharged and approach your goals more confidently. Your belief in this new truth will then attract the tools and skills necessary to make it happen.

Be mindful of the TRUTHS you accept for your life. Allow no one to define your TRUTHS for you, you are the captain of your ship. If a certain TRUTH does not line up with who you are or who you want to be- REJECT IT.

It’s your life.

You make the rules.

Your Fantasy: Overcoming Internet Porn Addiction

2009-03-04T21:53:00.003-06:00

You’ve been locked in your room for hours tonight as you feed your private fantasies by logging on to your favorite porn site. There could be a significant other in your life or you may be single and use these enticing sites as a way to relieve your sexual frustration or live out your fantasy sex life.

Either way, you’ve come to a crossroad in your life; you’re beginning to wonder if you are addicted to internet porn. You know your Mom would never approve and you’re certain that if anyone found out your dirty little secret you’d be viewed as a pervert and uncivilized.

You dare not talk to anyone about your leisure activity for fear of being ostracized and criticized. This fear causes you to withdraw, making up lame excuses for not wanting to hang out with friends and family or attend company functions. At times you may even feel as they everyone you know can guess what you’ve been up to and that causes you to be shameful. But still…you point and click.

What is an internet porn addiction anyway?

In my belief system I define it as a magnetism to pornographic pictures which fuels your arousal. The term “addict” is a derogatory word that was created to label people who obsessively indulge in any activity.

But, are you really addicted?

First, I’ll ask you a few questions in order to gauge whether or not you are a porn addict.

1) Do you find that your interest in porn takes precedence over your interest and ability to engage in “real” sex with another person?
2) Has your interest in porn caused you to neglect the daily duties of life like “healthy” social interaction and routine duties on your job?
3) Do you feel shame immediately after indulging in your primary past time of masturbation induced by the clockwork arousal incited by these rated R websites?

After you can honestly answer these questions, I have one more question that will help you with your perceived problem.

Who told you that something was wrong with watching porn on the internet?

Why do you believe that you have to safeguard your interest so securely? There are millions of people around the world who enjoy looking at naked pictures and sexually themed videos as much as you do. If there weren’t there would not be so many porn sites on the internets.

So what makes it so WRONG when you do it? Is it because someone told you that becoming aroused by watching someone engage in a natural expression of intimacy was unbecoming?

Why did you believe them?

What if I told you that there was nothing wrong with you? Would you believe me? No? Well, I can certainly understand that. It is much easier to believe that we are dirty, sinful creatures with unnatural urges than it is to believe that we are powerful beyond measure and we have the ability to create greatness in our lives.

You know that because you smile politely when complimented yet mull over criticisms for weeks even when the giver of these criticisms is someone you do not respect. You seem to WANT to believe you are a bad person and your expressed desire blankets all of your experiences.

How can you “get over” your porn addiction?

You must first accept that you like what you like. You like seeing people have sex. Say it aloud.

I like watching people have sex.

Did you whisper it or did you say it strong and proud? Why did you whisper? Are you afraid someone is going to hear you and judge you?

Who is your judge? Is it your mother? Is it your neighbor down the street? Is it your boss or your child or your mate?

Why do you allow their opinion of you to matter more than your own? Why do you give them that power? You like porn. It makes you feel great when you watch it and nothing beats the orgasm contributed by this euphoria.

If you really want to get over your porn addiction, you must first understand that the “addiction” is not to the porn itself but the feeling that you get when you are doing something you are not supposed to do. If you took the taboo off of porn, you would not be so easily aroused by it. We are often magnetized by the forbidden.

Do you feel shameful when you eat a banana?

Why not?

Because it’s “okay” to eat bananas. No one is going to say anything to you if they find you enjoying this succulent fruit.

Listen to me- It’s okay to watch porn.

It’s a great way to live out your sexual fantasies without actually having to go through the hassle of arranging the scenarios and dealing with the emotions involved with the forbidden trysts.

There is nothing wrong with you. Whoever told you that was WRONG.

If your desire is to curb the amount of time you spend viewing porn then you can try this exercise:

Take out a calendar and mark every odd numbered day with a big red circle. On these days you can watch as much porn as you would like free from the guilt associated with it. On days that are not circled you should find something else to do. Work on a hobby or hang out with a friend instead. This works because your mind will be so caught up on “Is it a RED day today?” that you will begin to laugh at the fact that you even HAVE to ration out your interest in porn. This releases the shamefulness and fear of it.

What about your mate? What if he or she finds out that you like to watch porn?

Well…go ahead and tell them and see what happens. Don’t be scared. You might be shocked to find that your partner enjoys porn as much as you do. Or you may introduce that person to a new aphrodisiac that will take your bedroom escapades to a new level.

If your partner does not accept you fully, then they have not embraced loving you fully. You don’t have a problem, all you have is an interest that society deems unacceptable yet continues to thrive in our society everyday.

There is someone who exists who is into what you are into. They like what you like. They will want you for you. And if you don’t desire a relationship then that is fine too. No one is forcing you to be a part of a couple. If you do decide to be in a relationship be sure that the person can love and accept ALL of you, even those interests and activities that others find improper.

A love like this…is sure to last a lifetime and even if it doesn’t at least you had a lovely experience.

Be YOU. Love how you love.

Anything outside of that...is a sin.

Your Fantasy: Surviving An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

2008-12-13T07:58:00.002-06:00

Please visit You Are Not Crazy.

This website is dedicated to women who deal with emotionally abusive men.

Your Fantasy: Working Through Your Fear of Death

2008-11-28T03:36:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine contacted me yesterday to tell me that one of his childhood friends had died from stress. He was very upset about the death of his friend and there was nothing I could say to help him to feel better so I just allowed him to vent.

As I am learning more in my studies on my journey to becoming a counselor, the issue of counseling people through the deaths of their loved ones has come up repeatedly. We were told to allow the person to grieve for as long as they wish without any expressed expectation of “getting over it”. We were also told that the only thing we could really ask is, “Would you like a hug?”

People are going to grieve over the loss of their loved ones because of the perceived loss of connection to that person. They may believe that they will never see or get to experience the joyful connection with that person again which causes them to be depressed or anxious about their own mortality.

Recently I revisited a movie that was released 10 years ago in 1998. That movie, What Dreams May Come, starring Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr. helped to change my perspective on death and release all fear of it. While some may consider the movie’s premise (which affirms the idea of an afterlife) to be merely fantasy, I would like for you to consider the reasons why you chose to believe the things you choose to believe.

Do you believe in God because someone told you to believe in God?
Do you believe that the earth is round because you saw a picture?
Are you able to drive in traffic everyday because you believe and trust that the other drivers will stay in their lanes, which are merely imaginary lines on the concrete? Why do you trust them to stay in their lanes?
Do you believe that you will accomplish great things in your lifetime?
Do you believe that someone will love you one day?
Do you believe that you are a good person?

Why do you believe these things? Is it because believing these things makes life more enjoyable? If some of you choose to believe these things then there must be others who choose to believe the opposite. Why do they choose to believe negative things? Do they like to feel bad about their lives?

Whatever you believe is a personal choice. There is no wrong or right in it. Your beliefs dictate how you view the world and how you interact with others in it. How you perceive the world is an indication of the type of world you believe you deserve to live in. If you believe that people are mostly good hearted then you will probably smile at everyone you meet, expecting a smile back. If you believe that people are mostly evil then you will be guarded and stay by yourself most of the time out of fear of being hurt.

If you are going through the grieving process following the death of a loved one, it might be a good time to examine your beliefs about death. Is your idea of death the gateway to a heaven or hell or does it involve an afterlife? Whatever you choose to believe, try to choose a belief that makes you feel good. If what you have been taught about death by other people in your life causes you to feel fear, it is okay to change your belief.

Find a belief system that brings you joy like this movie did for me. Through this movie I now imagine an afterlife where everyone I love who has passed on before me is frolicking in their own personal heaven awaiting the day when my spirit will have the opportunity to reconnect with theirs. That makes me feel so happy as I imagine my uncles, aunts and grandparents cheerfully reuniting with me one day in heaven or on earth in another lifetime.

Your beliefs are your choice. Choose beliefs that make you feel good, even in the face of death and watch your quality of life flourish.

Your Fantasy: Trusting Someone To Support You

2008-11-20T04:56:00.005-06:00

“All the women who are independent! Throw your hands up at me!”- Independent Women by Destiny’s Child

There seems to be a celebration going on these days for women who can handle the demands of life without assistance from a man. The most celebrated artists like Webbie and brilliant producer Neyo have both released singles that celebrate the type of woman who “got her own house, she got her own car. Two jobs, work hard, she a bad broad.”

This has undoubtedly caused women to strive for independence and feel better about not needing a man’s support. For some women, this surge of appreciation for being independent is actually representative of an innate fear that we have to take care of ourselves because men are untrustworthy and selfish.

But who really wants to be independent? Would you dare to imagine a romantic relationship where a man supports you financially and emotionally to the point where without him, your life would not be the same?

“But I don’t want to depend on a man! What if he leaves me?” you might ask.

If that is your primary concern while involved in a relationship then it might be best to choose someone else. Whatever you put concentrated focus and energy into is actually an expressed desire. We tend to imagine the things we expect for our lives whether they are fears or blessings. Whatever it is that you are imagining is an indication of something that you believe you deserve.

“That’s not true! I don’t want him to leave me hanging. I don’t want him to cheat on me! I don’t want to be homeless and hungry and alone!” you might reply.
Well, if that is not something that you want for your life then it would be best to train yourself not to imagine/expect it. Focus on those things you do want from life; a loving spouse, a great job that allows you to express your talents, children who are a reflection of your brightest attributes.

Just ask the thousands of divorcee’s in this country who were relieved that they signed prenuptial agreements before they got married. During the marriage they secretly held separate bank accounts and purchased property in their mother’s name…just in case he or she acts up.

What is it about the nature of man that forces us to believe that we must be on guard in every relationship…just in case?

As famed metaphysicist and author Florence Scovel Shinn once wrote:

“If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for.”

In the case of the numerous divorcee’s mentioned above, they received exactly what they prepared for.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if we were engaged in a relationship where we trusted our partner to support us during our weaknesses and work to meet our every desire? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to give the same type of support? If you can honestly say in your deepest heart of hearts that you would love to give selflessly and completely then there must be someone else out there who holds the same desire. Don’t disguise that desire by acting in fear and preparing yourself for the worst case scenario.

The worst case scenario is not promised to you. The best case scenario is your destiny.

Give with all that you have. Love without fear. Take the risk of expressing your love in the way that you wish would be expressed to you. Show the world what you believe you deserve by treating others in the manner that you truly believe you deserve.

In recognition of the universal principle that states “like attracts like” you will receive the very treatment that you give to others. Why not sow a seed of encouragement, support and inspiration in the same manner that you would like to see it appear in your life.

You don’t have to be independent. You don’t have to do it all alone. Prepare for your helpmate, your second half, your best friend in a way that matches your greatest fantasies. Prepare, give freely and expect nothing less.

New eBook- Get Over Him! Moving On After A Break-Up

2008-11-14T08:05:00.001-06:00

Have you ever been severely depressed after breaking up with someone? You can't eat or sleep and all you can do is question yourself about what happened and why it happened? Well, I've got the perfect eBook for you. If you're hurting after a break-up and you want to experience a sense of relief you can buy my e-Book Get Over Him! How to Move On After A Break up.

If you have asked yourself:

Why do I feel so miserable?
What did I do wrong?
How long is it going to take to get over this?
Why won’t he talk to me?
Why can’t we be friends?
What do I do now?

This e-Book is for you!

Priced at only $3, you'll get more than your money's worth.

My Radio Talk Show Airs Fridays From 10pm to Midnight Eastern

2008-10-16T00:22:00.002-05:00

Barry Counseling graduate student hosts relationship & personal development talk show on WBRY 1640AM

Te-Erika Patterson, a graduate student in the Marriage/Family/Couples Counseling program at Barry University hosts Keeping It Together with Te-Erika a radio talk show on WBRY 1640 AM every Friday night from 10pm to midnight EASTERN.

As a journalist she has written for a variety of news and entertainment outlets. She uses a subtle mixture of therapeutic techniques, inspiration and raunchy humor in a completely honest conversation with guests and callers.

Her show teaches individuals how to keep growing as they experience a variety of relationships. Keeping It Together examines a plethora of relationship types and situations: romantic, marriages, siblings, business, father to son, race to race, boss to employee, homosexual, ex girlfriend to new girlfriend- the possibilities are endless as we explore the best ways to communicate and treat others through ANY circumstance.

Keeping It Together with Te-Erika airs Friday from 10 pm to midnight beginning September 26, 2008 on WBRY 1640AM. You can also listen online at http://www.barry.edu/radiostation/.

THIS WEEK’S Relationship Theme- Water Cooler Wrestling- How To Navigate Those Tricky Work Relationships

Call in with your questions and comments!

Contact:Te-Erika Patterson
www.te-erika.blogspot.com
teerika@gmail.com

Inspirational Message For Your Day

2008-10-04T16:58:00.002-05:00

Every man has the natural and inherent power to think what he wants to think, but it requires far more effort to do so than it does to think the thoughts which are suggested by appearances. To think according to appearance is easy; to think truth regardless of appearances is laborious, and requires the expenditure of more power than any other work man is called upon to perform.
- Wallace D. Wattles

Hello From The Editor

2008-07-14T23:56:00.004-05:00

Hi there!

I rarely write personal posts on this e-zine type blog thing, ~smile~, but tonight I am led to explain what my hopes are for this space.

I started this hoping to provide a space for inspirational articles, profiles and interviews of people who have chased their dreams and found success. I felt this was needed because I was always searching around the internet for uplifting stories while I chased my own dreams.

I would like to introduce myself more formally.

I am Te-Erika Patterson. I am a 29 year old single Mom of two beautiful sons whose names are Sai and Solomon. I have a BS in Journalism from the University of Florida and I am currently working on an MS in Marriage/Family/Couples Therapy. I am currently a freelance journalist.

With this e-zine I seek to provide the very things that I wish would be given to me on a more consistent basis: love, inspiration, support and guidance. That is why I write this. I really want you to learn how to love yourself and trust yourself.

It took me many, MANY years to come to the point where I appreciated who I am. I remember repeating to myself, "I hate myself," over and over again even when I was a pre teen. I think the lack of positivity from my parents attributed to me not knowing my value in life, but it's all good. Because of that upbringing I am more adamant about sharing love and light. It is my life's mission.

I'm kind of an introvert, well, you could probably call me anti social. I feel more comfortable when I'm alone or spending time with my sons than when I am in a social environment. I have finally learned to accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with that.

I've taken all kinds of risks to be able to secure my dreams. Many would call me foolish and unstable, but I believe my path has been blessed with each step. I am not a religious person, but I do believe in God. I also believe that who we are and where we are at this very moment, is exactly where we are supposed to be. Once I found peace with that statement it took away loads of pressure from my mind as I let go of my "goals" and focused on finding happiness where I am right now.

I have been a blogger for almost five years now. I don't blog for money, I blog for self expression and to capture my life journey for inspiration.

I'd like to share it with you though, in hopes that you won't judge me or be afraid of the path that I'm taking or the one you're taking. We all want success, happiness and love and we will all find it, if we don't stop walking.

I'd also like to switch up the content on this ezine. Because I was a Magazine Journalism major I tend to produce themed features which are a series of stories related to one topic. It is a little more time consuming since I can't just write a blog post when an idea hits, I have to plan several at a time along with interviews and youtube videos. That's a lot of work for one person but I try not to stay away from it for too long.

Maybe I'll try to start doing independent articles for success. That way, you guys won't be left in the shadows wondering what happened to this site while I continue to focus on my other projects like my upcoming book, my classes and securing emotional and financial stability for my family.

Regardless, I'm just like you. I'm not an expert at life but I am an expert at trying and trying again.

Please bookmark this site and share it with your friends. Let's grow together.

Many Blessings!

Te-Erika

Why Can't I Let Go of This Failed Relationship?

2008-06-19T15:03:00.002-05:00

When you have been an emotional and physical participant in a romantic relationship you become tied to that person, mentally, physically and spiritually. When the connection is broken, you don't want to let go for a variety of reasons.

1. We sometimes yearn for those things we can't have.

Even as small children we developed the habit of yearning for things that were forbidden to us. Those things seemed much more exciting than the things that were handed to us easily. This same habit follows us into adulthood and those naughty treasures become so appealing that we feel we have no choice for happiness unless we can have them.

Many women and men use this tactic to induce a measure of attraction in the object of their affection. They like to play hard to get which causes the other person to work harder to get close to them.

Allow me to warn you: THIS IS A GAME for the immature. A GROWN person listens to and respects the wishes of another. No head games are necessary in a healthy romantic relationship.

If you want it, and it wants you, then it is for you. If you are trying to hold on to it, and it is not trying to hold on to you, let it go.

2. We want control.

If we could control the number of hours in a day, we would probably shorten the days and prolong the nights so that we could have more rest. There are some things we can't control and one of them is the actions of others.

We can't force someone to love us, to be our friend or to treat us in the way we think we deserve to be treated. Why try? It's a moot activity because when the person alters their normal behaviour to give us what we want, they aren't doing it out of love for us, they are doing it out of fear.
Do you really want someone's love that is rooted in fear?

I hope you don't.

You want someone who will give you their devotion willingly, that way, it will last longer. Let go of the need to be in control of the relationship.

3. We can't imagine that we will ever experience the "high" of that relationship again.

The first smile. The first kiss. The first time the person gave us a thoughtful surprise. Ahh..those are all momentous occasions in any relationship. But...when the relationship proves to be a mismatch, we tend to cling on to those rare, but special memories, discounting the reason why the relationship did not work out in the end.

Will anyone ever hold me again?

Will anyone ever tell me they love me?

Will I ever have sex again with someone who actually cares?

Yes. Yes. And yes. You will.

But it will never come if you are constantly looking backward at what you now perceive to be your last chance at love. It wasn't your last chance. That relationship was merely a stepping stone, a guiding force into the proper relationship that will aid in your personal development.

Your future has in store for you, treasures that you can not imagine. You will experience that "high" again but first, you have to believe you will.

Youtube Video: Why Does A Break-Up Hurt So Badly?

2008-06-17T23:02:00.001-05:00

How To Move On After A Break-Up

2008-06-16T23:54:00.007-05:00

If you are in a situation where you are involved in a relationship and the person you are involved with wants to leave, you may feel like your heart is being ripped apart. You tried everything you could to stay together, to be more pleasing, to forgive and forget, and still your partner looks you in the face and says, "It's over."

That happened to me six years ago and it took me 6 years to really get over it. I'll share my story with you.

Six years ago I was pregnant with my second child from a man who did not want to be in a relationship with me. Not only did I feel like I was losing the love of my life I also felt that his leaving me meant that something was wrong with me. Why else would he want to walk away from the family he created?

I battled depression over the situation and I became engrossed in proving to him and myself that he had made a mistake. In fact, in hindsight, the majority of our relationship was built around me trying to prove to him that I was the best choice for his wife.

How silly it seems now, but back then I thought he was the hottest thing walking. I had never met a man so creative, so intelligent and so charming. He charmed the hearts of everyone he encountered but behind closed doors he consistently criticized me for not being like his other female friends.

"Why don't you dress like so and so?"

"Why don't you cook like so and so?"

"Why aren't you more well versed in politics like so and so?"

His comments sent me into a pit of self pity for years wondering if I could ever be good enough to win his love.

I shake my head at the thought now that I realize that a person who is unable to bring out the best in you by looking at you with love and appreciating who you really are, is more than likely doing the same thing to his/herself.

A person will give what they want to receive or what they expect to receive in return. If a person is constantly critisizing you then that means that they believe they deserve criticism in return. If a person gives love and encouragement then that means that they desire the same thing in return.

Even though I learned this, it took me many years to GET IT. And even when I GOT IT, it wasn't until I realized that what I had was not what I thought it was, that I was able to let it go.

I thought he was the most handsome man that I had ever met. I've met even more handsome men since then.
I thought he was the most ambitious man that I had ever met. I've met men who were more successful, more powerful and more creative than he was.
I thought that he was the only man who could make me cry during an intimate encounter. ~smile~ I was wrong.

Some people say that the best way to get over a relationship is to jump into another one. For years I disagreed due to the fact that I thought this replacement love would only yield the same results as the first one. Now that I have re evaluated my stance and studied more intensely the relationships around me, I can understand that there is an element of truth in this statement.

No, I'm not suggesting that you run out and find someone else to attach yourself to. I believe the reason why I can honestly say I'm over him, is the fact that I have met many more men who had the qualities that I admired in him, yet they treated me much better. Open your eyes and take your focus off of the one who walked away and you will begin to see the same thing too. Until you are able to recognize that you have the ability to become involved in another relationship, you will remain stuck in the pain from the last one.

The reason you may still be attached to the person who left you is because you don't believe that anyone else will arouse those feelings of passion, attraction and love.

Believe me when I tell you, once you are able to understand that your last relationship was NOT your LAST RELATIONSHIP, you can breathe easier knowing that you will have your turn one day.

Yes, I am still single but I have come to appreciate and respect this time in my life. I am no longer lonely and I have more joy now that I am not waiting for someone's approval to trigger my own self satisfaction. I had to learn the hard way but I am proud that I learned that lesson.

Allow me to be the first to say, there is nothing wrong with you.

The person you were with was simply not a good match for you and therefore had to be removed from your life so that you could receive someone who is a better fit. I'm sure this statement doesn't feel all that comforting when you are awake at night and all you want is a hug from someone who cares. During those times I would turn to those things that brought me comfort like writing or reading or talking with my friends.

It's okay to feel dissappointed over a failed relationship, but really no relationship that ends can be constituted as a failure because during that relationship you grew as a person, you learned how to better define what you do want from a potential life mate and you are now better equipped to recognize the ONE when you do meet him or her.

If there's nothing else that I want you to understand, please consider these three points:

1. There is NOTHING wrong with you.
2. Your last relationship was NOT your LAST RELATIONSHIP.
3. Since you have been freed from being with someone who did not return your same level of commitment and emotion you are now FREE to receive someone who will.

Please don't allow your past to hinder your future. What you are hoping for is right around the corner if you choose to recognize that your best life is never tied to someone who walked away. You never lose anything that belongs to you. When you think you have "lost" something or someone you have actually just made room for an upgrade to come into your life.

Believe that.

Trust it.

I promise you.

Your Fantasy: Moving On After A Break-Up

2008-06-15T21:31:00.004-05:00

Being a part of a romantic relationship is one of the most joyous forms of interaction in life. The intense attraction, the courtship, the excitement of realizing that the person you like actually likes you back are are unequaled in the WOW factor.

Unfortunately, as we all grow and learn, the people we love may not grow with us, or they grow in a direction that is not pleasing to us and either we have to move on or they decide to.

Immediately after a break up we experience a variety of emotions where we question ourselves and the path we are on in life. This week, we'll explore the best ways to make a succesful transition from a relationship hangover to being blissfully single.

Join me as we discover how to get over a bad break-up and how to smoothly skate on to a more joyous period of your life.

I'm right here with you. Everything will be just fine.

Yours In Love,

Te-Erika

Affirm Yourself: I Am A Relaxed, Happy Person

2008-06-05T00:24:00.002-05:00

Relaxation Affirmation Quotes

Sometimes the cure for restlessness is rest.
Colleen Wainwright, Communicatrix, 08-06-08

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. ~Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. ~Lily Tomlin

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward. ~Spanish Proverb

Well-being is my natural state of being.

Reach for the feeling of well-being first, and everything else will fall into place.

Be selfish enough to follow your bliss, and you will tap in to the natural, Pure, Positive Essence of You.

“well-Being Cards”

As you start paying attention to the absolute correlation between the way you feel and what’s manifesting, then you understand that you hold the ke y to the letting it in.

If you could see an aerial view, and we can

All of these things that you have been asking for are lined up right outsid e your door. Lined up right there. Endless people and places and circumstances and events all lined up to accommodate you. All lined up. An d as you reach for the thought that feels a little bit better, some of them squirt in. As you reach for the thought that feels a little better, more of them will squirt in. As you reach

Right away in the first day, of finding the delicious relief that rage give s you over depression, something will manifest. You will see movement in your experience just with that incremental change.

And you can imagine each day that you reclaim your ground, and you begin saying things like ‘Well I’m not there yet, I’m not into positive emotion, but I sure fe el better than I did.’

And everything in your experience, every relationship will adjust to the ne w stance you have found vibrationally.

Abraham-Hicks, San Antonio, TZ 11/22/03

Three Ways To Relax During a Crisis

2008-06-02T09:37:00.002-05:00

Your Fantasy: Learning To Relax

2008-05-29T15:24:00.002-05:00

Sometimes life has a way of grabbing us by the throat and forcing us to focus on the things that seem to be going wrong. We can't seem to get a grip on life's circumstances because we feel powerless to change them into what we want them to be.

There's no other feeling in the world quite like being faced with a challenge and not having a clue what to do about it. When you're faced with such a situation it is a critical time to stop your train wreck of negative thoughts and learn how to relax.

It is during this relaxed state that the solution to your problem or circumstance will become clear. Worrying about your woe doesn not add anything to your life. It doesn't solve the problem, it only takes away from your life. Those days, weeks or months that you spend consistently focused on what you don't have are days that you will never get back. In essence, you lose a portion of your life by worrying. This week on Embrace Your Fantasy, I will share a few of my personal methods for relaxing my mind, body and spirit. I'll teach you about the importance of meditation, affirmations and I'll show you how you can learn to relax and allow the solution to present itself during every troubling circumstance.

Thanks for joining me.

Be Blessed.

Te-Erika

Michael Losier Explains It ALL

2007-12-07T12:51:00.000-06:00

Words by Kausalya

I thought the Law Of Attraction had failed me.

For years, I had been making "treasure maps" and spouting off positive affirmations like my life depended on it. By the time The Secret came out, I was already knee-deep in Louise Hay books, Cd's, and affirmation cards.

Please don't get me wrong. I adore Louise Hay. I'm certainly not saying that taking these steps toward positive thinking have not served me. The things I really want in life seem to be taking forever. This impatience has led to doubt. I had a feeling I was missing some key ingredient. Reading many of the posts on Embrace Your Fantasy dedicated to the Law of Attraction prompted me to take a second look at the Law of Attraction and the methods behind it. Soon after, I discovered author Michael Losier's Law of Attraction book on Cd.

Losier began by paying homage to many of the other authors who have tackled this vast topic before him like Esther and Jerry Hicks. What drew me to Losier's book was the simplicity of it. The path to inner peace and living my best life can often feel like an insurmountable task. I often get buried and bogged down in the details and miss the blessings which are often so simple. Why was my manifesting was taking so long? My affirmations were beginning to feel like a big lie. The repetition of the words left me with a constant feeling of anger and disappointment.

Losier keyed in on the very feelings I was experiencing. He said the Law of Attraction responds to our vibrations. The good news? "We can only send out one vibration at a time," he said. Then he began to discuss why certain affirmation methods do not work. I perked up immediately.

Losier explained that affirmations do not work unless there is an element of truth behind the words. In other words, you have to believe what you are saying. That belief triggers a vibration and causes the law to spin into action. It works the same whether you believe what you are saying or not.

I was always taught to say my affirmations in the present tense as if they were already true. For example, 'I love myself' should be said whether you love yourself in that moment or not. The idea was that repeating this over and over again would make you someday really believe it as your truth. Instead, the opposite was happening. The more I repeated this, the more I began to condemn myself for not fully believing it.

Losier has a quick solution to finding your truth in every affirmation. He says that by adding a few words to your affirmations you could change the vibration and begin believing your own words. Thus, spinning the Universe into positive action on your behalf.

For example:

I love myself.

More and more I am learning to love myself.

My career is successful and fulfilling.

I am in the process of creating a career that is successful and fulfilling.

I could literally feel the change in vibration. One sentence felt fake and judgmental while the other sentence felt freeing and etched in truth.

Losier says it's not all about the words, but it is all about your vibrations. "You get more of what you are vibrating." Adding truth to the affirmations helps reset the vibrations.

Other words Losier cautions against are 'don't, not, and no.' He says that these words can immediately lower your vibrations by giving you more of what you do not want. When you find yourself using these words you should stop and ask yourself this question: "What do I want?"

For example:

Negative: Don't hesitate to call.

Positive: Call me soon.

Losier says that our words even follow us into our personal journaling. He used a bad date as an example. You go out with someone who is rude, disrespectful and everything you despise in a partner. You come home and write about it. You write about all of the negative things that happened during the date. You write about how negatively you feel about this person and this situation. Your vibrations are negative. Losier says that the Law doesn't differentiate between the past, present, or the future. It just picks up the vibration and gives you more!

Losier suggests writing in a more affirmative manner by making a list describing the kind of person you would like to date in the future. In other words, allow this negative experience to spruce up your must-haves list.

It is comforting to know that I don't have to try and fool the Universe with lackluster affirmations. It is also encouraging to find a simple way of making my words vibrate with more love and joy.

I am in the process of living my best life and so are you.

For more information on Michael Losier go to:
http://www.lawofattractionbook.com/
________________________________________

How To Raise Your Vibrations

2007-11-14T10:20:00.000-06:00

Words by Te-Erika

It’s a great thing to learn how to deliberately create the best life by choosing to maintain positive emotions through any circumstance. But let’s be truthful, sometimes we may slip up and allow a negative thought to linger which ultimately lowers our vibration. We can choose to allow these vibrations to attract more negative energy or we can choose to raise them by following these tips.

Start a gratitude journal

Write down the following statement.

I am so happy and grateful now that…

Then follow that statement with a description of how you want your life to be. Be sure to write in the present tense as though your future self is writing in your journal.

I am so happy and grateful now that my true love is sitting beside me. He truly understands and appreciates me. He is my perfect companion and his presence in my life adds passion and adventure. He is so sexy!

Write a script

During some of the most trying times in our lives we often focus on what we don’t want to happen. By focusing on what we don’t want, our imagination draws more of that into our reality. When faced with any situation, try to imagine the best. Write a short story about how things could turn out in your favor.

I just applied for a new position in my company and I am excited as I wait for a response. I am sure that I will hear great news. I can already see how my contribution to this department will be appreciated and welcomed. My new boss will love me. My new co workers too. This new job will be the perfect way for me to excel as an executive and it will bring the perfect pay which means I can do more fun things with my family.

Make A Movie

The creative minds over at Mind Movies have crafted a new spin on the inspirational photo collage. They suggest making a Mind Movie by collecting pictures and creating a visual slide show, set to music that tells the story of how you want your life to be.

I also like to create videos to inspire others to be positive. Here is a video that I made that is set to Mary J. Blige’s new single, Just Fine.

Affirm Yourself

Make a list of positive affirmations for your dreams. If writing is not your specialty, try these wonderful affirmations by Florence Scovel Shinn.

I am now linked by an invisible, unbreakable magnetic cord with all that belongs to me by Divine Right!

Thy Kingdom is come, Thy will is done in me and my affairs.

I am poised and powerful, my greatest expectations are realized in a miraculous way.

I now exercize my fearless faith in three ways - by thinking, speaking and acting. I am unmoved by appearances, therefore appearances move.

I am in perfect harmony with the working of the law, for I know that Infinite Intelligence knows nothing of obstacles, time or space. It knows only completion.

I give thanks that I now receive the righteous desires of my heart. Mountains are removed, valleys exalted and every crooked place made straight. I am in the Kingdom of fulfillment.

Before I called I was answered and I now gather in my harvest in a remarkable way.

Do A 'Call For Testomonials '

Send an email out to your friends asking them to write a 2 or 3 sentence paragraph letting you know how your friendship has affected their lives. The results are mind blowing and may be kept and cherished for years to come as a reminder that we are a valued part of someone else’s growth.

Embrace The Fantasy

When I need a quick energy boost, I find a quiet place and I let my mind roam. I don’t focus on anything in particular I just allow my greatest desires to play out in my mind. At first I used to feel guilty for having these fantasies but now I use them as a mental playground, for relaxation and enjoyment.

Ask yourself, "What would be a miracle in my life right now?"

~visioning~

I can see it now...

My sons and I are exiting an airplane on our way to one of my conferences. There is a crowd waiting to meet me at the arrival gate. They are cheering with gifts and copies of my books for me to sign and bless. My sons are overjoyed that their Mom is making such a positive difference in the lives of so many people. They are proud that I took the risks that I took and the excitement on their faces show nothing but astonishment. They grip my hand tightly and watch as I smile and hurry through to our awaiting limo. All of my dreams have come true. My gift has made a way for provision. I am now doing what I love to do, connecting others with their dreams.

YouTube- My Favorite Law Of Attraction Videos

2007-11-12T23:12:00.000-06:00