Finally... That's Over ! ! ! And Real Life Begins ! ! !

I'll post an update eventually

2009-07-01T13:27:00.001-07:00

Just been so darned busy!!!

~Julie

TRINIDAD, CO

2009-04-27T18:01:00.004-07:00

Finally taking a moment to post some of the pics we took in Trinidad, CO.

See this link for more :)

LOL ! ! !

2009-04-16T17:11:00.002-07:00

Sooooooo... It's been about 6 weeks. Having recently relocated to PHX I was yet again forced to setup with a new Dr. So I asked some girlfriends and they recommended a really good OB/GYN (especially right after having that hysterectomy hahaaaa) That's what they assume I had since I was out for surgery and all, and well I don't think correcting them is appropriate at this point.

I had my appt. Wednesday afternoon and was quickly reprimanded for being my age. and NOT having had a pap yet, on two separate occasions, once by the nurse and then by the Dr., YEAAAAHHHH!!!!

Well each time I had to say no I haven't had one yet and met with disapproval both times. And each time I had to explain that...

Basic jist of each of the conversations.

THEM: 'so what's the reason for today's visit? Well-Woman check-up? Do you need a pap?

ME: 'ummmm... well.... until 6 weeks ago that would have been pretty impossible'

THEM: 'oh don't be afraid or worry about it, Dr. X is very good at it and he'll be sure you won't feel a thing'

ME: 'ok... hmmmmmmm, I think maybe I need to explain a bit more....'

THEM: 'huh?"

ME: 'well, huh, ummmm, see..... ahhhhhh.... things weren't always the way they are today'

THEM: 'I'm not sure I understand... ????? OHhhhhhhh!!!! HUH!!!! You mean???!!!!?!?!?!??!!!!??!?'

ME: 'yep, now I'm thinking you understand'

THEM: 'Ohhhhh, wow.... You look great. How long ago? Did it hurt? Does it still hurt?'

ME: 'TY, yes it did, yes I do at times still..."

THEM: 'ok here's your gown...'

Dr. asks to pardon if he has any stupid questions, he has never had a patient like me in almost 30 years in his practice. I said I would if he does the same, I've never had a Gyn appt. before LOL. We go over the procedure (well they cut here and tuck there, and stitch here and so on), dilation, intimacy, and a lot of other stuff (little knowledge transfer on both our parts). Exam goes great, everything looks to be healing up fine inside and out (those darn duck bill looking thingies (speculum) are pretty uncomfortable BTW...) and other than obviously being only a few weeks outside of surgery things are looking very good.

So... Great job Marci ! ! ! ! ! :)

Ciao!!!
~Julie

Month Post-Op

2009-04-04T12:45:00.003-07:00

And OMGOSH!!!!!!! :))

Short post really, just touching base.

'cept for dialting constantly... Moved to the largest this morning and with some effort made it to 6" too... But whoooooaaaaa :| LOL

Well life is slowly getting on and I think I'm healing up well. I do not suggest going back to work 2 weeks early to anyone!!!! Take the month off minimum!!!!

~Julie

Well first day back at work... OUCH!!!!!!!

2009-03-16T12:39:00.001-07:00

OMGOSH!!! I'm soooooooooo tired..... Only went into the office for a few hours then working from home the rest of the day but whooooaaa I'm sore.

~Julie

Dilate... Dilate... Dilate... YOOWWCHIE!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-09T20:58:00.002-07:00

That about says it all :)
~Julie

Morning After House

2009-03-07T14:22:00.003-07:00

Well, released from the hospital and Carol has us all settled in at the Morning After House. Updates coming soon ;)

~ Julie

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-05T18:42:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!!!! I'll write more when I can but all good so far!!!!

~Julie

Trinidad, CO

2009-03-01T12:25:00.002-07:00

YEAH ! ! !

Mom and I arrived in Trinidad last night. I have my first appointment with Dr. Bowers tomorrow morning! Then I run over to the hospital and register.

Mom and I have been running around town, we took some pics at AVE MARIA and tonight I'll get some shots of the Trinidad Sign up on the hill.

I have so much to write but haven't really found time... I think I'm working on a lengthy post recapping so much over the last 2 years.

~Julie

Wow!!!

2009-01-13T21:00:00.002-07:00

Soooooo 7 weeks from today, it'll be done! I'm just in awe... :)

When I finally arrived home from the office, I found a letter sitting on the end-table.

From: Trinidad Reproductive Health :) :) :)

It's my Pre-Surgery Packet... Gives me the remaining balances (ouch), some hotel options, some local info.

AND...

I'll need to arrive in Trinidad (Sunday)
My Pre-Surgery Appt. is scheduled for (Monday)
My Surgery is scheduled for (Tuesday)
I will be able to leave Trinidad (Wednesday the following week)

YEAH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! :)

~Julie

Oh and on another really cool note:
A few weeks ago a girlfriend (gg) and I drove another friend of ours to Meltzer's Office for a trach-shave... So she and I are just hanging out in the waiting room whilst our other friend was in the back. We're talking to a couple of the ladies (awesome ladies btw) in the front office and going on and on about how tough it is for these poor girls, and how strong they are, and inspiration from them, and so on... I'm agreeing with many things and commiserating on others and the lady looks at me as if to say 'how could you know?' and then says ??? 'you're mtf?" I'm like, "well duuuh, yes of course!" :) LOL WHOOOOOHOOOOOO passed in Meltzer Office!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOSH ! ! ! ! ! ! That'll make a girl feel good !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Julie

Just a little update :)

2009-01-03T15:45:00.002-07:00

OK well since I moved back to Phoenix my Dad has for some ridiculous reason taken to using "bubba" when referring to me. I mean Oh My Freakin' Goodness!!! Could that be more inappropriate ?!?!?!?!?

So Mom and I are talking about this and she claims that it's his last ditch effort. Which SUCKS!!!! but ya gotta feel for the guy a little bit... I mean from his perspective this has got to be a huge loss on some levels... I mean he's not ignorant, he understands it to some extent, and what it's done for me. But still he feels the loss of his oldest son and is trying to hang on tight to him, ya can't really be too upset at a man for that. But you don't have to accept being mistreated either.

He and I had an opportunity to talk about this a short time ago... I've broached the subject repeatedly since I arrived and he startet... But wow was that a fight... He was feeling pretty angry and not having any discussion regarding the topic.. Again with the "I'll call ya whatever I want" kind of ridiculous talk... Which uh-uh... nope, not this girl, Mr. !!! I can be a little firm in my position as well and when two people aren't open and willing to hear one another then constructive conversation breaks down pretty quickly (IMHO).

Anyway we finally had a chance and were willing to hear one another and had a decent discussion on the topic... (I think Mom had a little talk with him too, which helped... Thanks Mom). Since then he's actually really started making an effort to use my name and correct pronouns... A few weekends ago I was spending time with them and he actually caught himself accidentally using the CORRECT pronouns and had to make an effort to switch to the WRONG ones... LOL I think he realized then that if he has to consciously choose to use the wrong pronouns then he's doing it on purpose and has decided that's pretty wrong.

Thanks Dad... Keep up the good work and I DO understand!!! :) Heck even I cried for nearly the whole weekend a year ago as I was going through some of my old boxes and getting rid of some old reminders. I mean I don't hate myself I just needed to fix something.

~Julie

I gotta vent a lil' bit.

2008-10-28T15:02:00.007-07:00

Where to start... Well honestly I've been a little upset these last couple days... See my Mom (Dad too sorta) and I have gotten along very well over the last year or so since I started transition. We've had our normal ups and downs but for the most part we've really begun to develop a decent relationship, loooong pause........

.....I thought...

Well just a little before I was to arrive I was informed that I was not at all welcome by a couple of my immediate family members. And though Mom and I had been really looking forward to spending more time with one another she basically told me I was to stay away... You know 'love ya but don't be here'... 'and if ya are here ya gotta shut up and leave real quick so no one finds out'... Basically put me out like a piece of trash because so and so hates me... I get the "sorry but you're the only one I can ask to give or flex cuz they won't. I'm sure you understand, and they just don't blahhhh blahhh blahhh" from her... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :\

Well I swallow that, some days not so well, other days WTF-ever. Ya know. Try and move on. I've been blessed with a bunch of great friends here in PHX and made arrangements. Well now I've been here for a few days and wow has it really started to hit me... Some days I'm PO'd about it and others I spend lying in bed awake crying well into the morning...

It has taken it's toll on me though I'd have denied it until now. It's hurt me deeply, it's painful, both physically and emotionally. And it's darned wrong for anyone that "loves" me to ever allow this treatment or give in to the unfair, angry, hateful demands of someone else and lay it in my lap. Kinda like "well your the Trans one... Shoulda saw it coming... " Heck with that... Of course I saw that sort of thing coming... What I never expected and what hurts WAY more than my siblings' hate is the fact that M&D supposedly love me and know how horribly wrong it is to concede to that hate from those family members. It's as if they are inflicting the biggest wounds of all by supporting it, or whatever instead of, knowing me, knowing right and wrong, knowing what they now know about gender, and standing up for ME and saying HECK NO WE WILL NOT EVER TREAT HER LIKE THAT NOR ALLOW ANYONE IN OUR HOME TO DO SO EITHER!!! But nope instead I got... "well your the Trans one... Shoulda saw it coming..."

I love my family dearly, and I imagine they are doing the best that they can, but wow they have got to know that this isn't right. I'm not asking for miracles here... Just decent humanity, love, and a maybe even lil' compassion. This is a catch 22 cuz I know this is horribly tough for them too... and I am NOT in their shoes, but my gosh, treating me like this, or standing back and allowing others to, is just so obviously wrong.

:(

~Julie

HELLO PHX

2008-10-22T00:23:00.001-07:00

Anywho.. Im in Phoenix now... YEAH... Drove straight thru 28hrs 1900 miles... EXHAUSTED :|

I'll keep updating as time allows :)

Much LUV Ya'll ! ! !
~Julie

ps. I'm sure once I settle in I will be writing more soon, mostly another tearful goodbye to beautiful ATL!

This has been one tough week :(

2008-09-27T14:31:00.003-07:00

Oh gosh were do I start... Hmmmmmmmmmm well it's basically been a year... And wow have things changed. I'll start at Tuesday evening.

One of my girlfriends and I had been out to dinner a week or so ago and on this night we were looking through her camera phone for a snap of someone (I forget who) and wham there was a shot of me she'd taken of me to update her caller-id pics... We both kinda froze for a sec. and were like wow! Have you changed :) which is good, but when you see a shot of yourself and are like... "Holy smokes! THAT'S ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!" I makes ya stop for a second, tears definitely crashed up against my stubbornness not to cry with joy.

Then the following evening, Wednesday night, I was out with friends and bumped into this really nice guy, or rather he bumped into me... Anyway things went very well and we all had a really great time. Sooooooooooooooooo (awkward moment here for me) but one thing led to another and suddenly "our" cab was stopping at my place.... he says "Would it be ok with me, if he come up?"... Well I had already explained that I was "different" and things were NOT always like this. We'd spend a moment on all the usual questions so I'm really unsure where he got the wrong idea. Anyway.... We get into my place and... well things get really kinda carried away... I suddenly got the feeling he was going to be pissed one way or the other. If he got ME he'd been upset and if I didn't allow him to have me he'd be even more upset... I have NO clue where the hell I'd left my common sense and I really can't explain it to this day but anyway things went horribly wrong terribly fast (asshole.... I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'!) Well I made it out of that BUT felt like a real piece of trash the following morning. (pAAAAAlease!!!! as if no one has ever been through that before. Keep your judgments to yourself k)

Then while I'm trying my darnedest to deal with that... and failing miserably and dealing with hours of tears and shame and... well alot of stuff. My Surgeons office calls and says YIPPIE! we have an opening in a few weeks!!! Which would be great but due to a myriad of reasons I have to decline. NOW even MORE tears... Because believe me I'd have given almost anything to been able to say YES!

Then That SAME evening (Thursday night for those of you following along) I have my LAST appointment with my therapist in Atlanta... We had a great hour, lots of tears and goodbyes.... As I'm leaving waiting on the elevator to take me down I take one last look out the windows to see the beautiful Atlanta skyline.... I remember my first visit there and looking out that window upon that same skyline.... So many feelings, sooooo much joy.... and love for this city that sooooo sweetly and gently welcomed me and held me tight through one of the toughest times in my life... That night as I looked out over that skyline the sun was glowing huge right in the middle.... Setting. There for me.... for the last time.... A moment I've enjoyed for a year and tonight the sun is setting right in the middle...

Well by now with the pic, the friends, the butt-head, the goodbyes, and the final kiss to my favorite skyline. I'm a mess. As soon as I saw it my legs went weak and my knees buckled... an electrician working there on who knows what happened around the corner at that same moment and literally upon seeing me dashed out to catch me as if I was about to collapse.

SCC in Atlanta

2008-09-26T19:39:00.002-07:00

Give me a shout if ya'll are going to SCC. I'm going to try and get a couple days in too.

Huh... Will it ever settle down?!?!?!

2008-08-06T13:43:00.002-07:00

Well, seems like I'm trying to squeeze hundreds of hours into a 40 hour work week. And on top of that now back to single parenting... MORE ON THIS LATER :) :) :) :) :) YEAH ! ! ! ! ! !

Anyway, for some time I had been wondering, will transition ever end? Seemed like my whole life, every waking and sleeping moment revolved around transition. But beware! LOL Very very quickly "real-life" has a way of sneaking back in to the forefront. Which is wonderful! However for me when it did I quickly found myself struggling to manage transition/life/and sooooo many other things that life brings. A real, time management as well as priorities struggle. It's been an amazing month please don't misunderstand, and I've been blessed time and again. But phew can a girl get just a few moments of calm and peace... LOL

Much Love Ya'll !!!
~Julie

Swamped

2008-07-18T19:33:00.002-07:00

I'll update as soon as I can... I've been swamped lately.

Much Love ! ! !
~Julie

The J O B hunt.... :)

2008-05-30T08:24:00.005-07:00

Sooooooo I haven't had a chance to post alot recently 1) Because I've been swampped working and interviewing... 2) Because alot of folks from my office read this and well I was hoping NOT to let 'em know I was job hunting till I was ready to resign.

Today was my last day ! ! ! :) Ughhhhhh the place S U C K E D the life from my soul..... It was horrid... I once worked Air Conditioning in Phoenix, AZ during the summer and THAT was better than this place could ever HOPE to aspire towards... But while I was transitioning I was sort of STUCK there ya know!?!?!?

Well the time had come and I was seeking other opportunities. And the coolest opportunity came my way... I got recruited by the NFL... LOL No seriously their technical recruitment staff contacted me, I had several phone/technical interviews.. I called my Mom and Dad right away (it was pretty exciting actually) and told Dad... 'Well I finally got recruited by the NFL...' They were pretty excited about it for me too... So I spoke to Dad for a sec. and I had to joke w/ him a little... I'm wicked at times :) (blink blink) I said ya seriously finally one of us makes it to the NFL... Bet ya never thought it possible. He's like 'uh-huh' he knows whats coming... I continue with... Just as the hot-chick behind the keyboard rather than that goofy big guy at nose-gaurd! ROFLMAO... He's like "you're so un-well" LOL He was kidding :) errrrr maybe not just a little bit :)

Anyway... I was pretty nervous when they flew me out to Los Angeles for more interviews. I'd only been full-time for about 5 months at that point and well this was biting off quite a bit... atleast for me. It was right before Mother's Day weekend so I had 'em fly me into Phoenix to spend the weekend with my Mom afterwards :). The interviews went well. About 4 hours long with 6 or 7 different people... Some went great others went horribly alas I did not get the gig but I had a blast and really overcame some serious insecurities... Why do I always prefer trial by fire... Ughhhhhh :) Cuz well derrrrr that's me :)

I have some really amazing news on the job hunt front but haven't time to post right this second... More in a few :)

Much Love!!!
~Julie

2008-05-28T06:08:00.001-07:00

Test from Treo! :)

WOW "You've come a long way baby!!!" and "Ode to the best friends any girl could have!!!"

2008-05-22T08:40:00.006-07:00

OK well Cinco De Mayo weekend was basically my one year since I started transition.

It was on that weekend in 2007 that I began coming out to friends and family...

Well on Saturday night (Tres De Mayo for those who are counting LOL) a whole bunch of us were out at a local restaurant celebrating the birthday of one of our good friends. Now the whole group of us is quite large and some “know” some “don’t” (a few of them know me from “before”). We had about 20-25 people there and scrunched a whole bunch of tables together. Among our group of friends a bunch of the guys have a really really good band, so we were chillin’ watching the guys play, at this bar/restaurant, generally having a blast! And inevitably some of the patrons are getting pretty ummmm “inebriated” and a group of us girls was just chatting and people watching. Well we noticed this one pretty cute guy, nice jeans, nice snug red t-shirt, so on. Well as we are talking the band ends one of their songs and intros another, meanwhile this guy marches up to us girls and takes MY hand (oh my freakin’ goodness, out of all of us??? ME????) pulls me out to the dance floor, the band (again a very very cool group of guy friends) really starts tearing into this AWESOME song. Cute guy then proceeds to dip, swirl, and spin me, clearing the dance floor basically, so it was just he and I and quite an energetic crowd encircling us. I mean whoa, I was having a hard time keeping up. So I just had to give in and pretty much let him have control (it really takes a lot of trust actually, ya don’t wanna get dropped). My girlfriends are still clapping and whooping it up, back at our tables… Anyway that finally ends, and I head back to the tables to my girlfriends’ cheers… Oh… WHAT was that AWESOME song, you ask??????? Well Tom Petty’s “American Girl” of course :) :) :) :) :) :) :) What a way to personally celebrate (only a few of my girlfriends recalled it had been a year) one of the best years of my entire life. To wrap up this year being pulled to the dance floor by a very cute guy, spun, dipped, flipped, whatever, to none OTHER than “American Girl”….. TY TY TY TY TY TY TY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and the guys in the band have all known me since way back, so they “know”. Well once they saw what was going on they REALLY tore into that song… :) :) :)

Thank you deeply, from the very bottom of my heart and soul, to all those beautiful friends I’ve been so blessed with. Who have stuck beside me during this amazing year. It truly speaks volumes about the amazing men and women you all are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much Love!!!
~Julie

Happy Mother's Day!!! (I know, I know, I'm only a week late)

2008-05-17T07:02:00.007-07:00

Sorry about the sparse posts, I'm just so darn busy. Work, work, work, gosh I need a break!!!

So last weekend was amazing! I had to fly into Los Angeles Thursday night, then I was back on a plane Friday night to Phoenix to spend Mother's Day with Mom!!! Mom and Dad picked me up at the airport this time, usually one of my friends gets that lucky task but being there for only a couple days I really didn't schedule any time with friends or work (I do some contracting there too) I did have lunch on Saturday with my best friend though, but there's more on that shortly. Anyway I think Mom came along to be moral support for Dad... He's been pretty consistent with lots of love and support, though not ever really forgetting to let me know he is not at all happy about my decision to transition nor does he approve of or support it. But again at the same time after the initial outburst and being angry with me, we talked and ever since he's never shown me any animosity regarding transition and even slowly developing a new relationship with me, so s'all gooood. :)

As well as spending Mother's Day with Mom there was another important thing happening this weekend. My brother recently moved back to Phoenix and has been staying with our parents while he gets settled in. Our relationship has been horribly strained since I started transition. We used to talk at least weekly, but over this last year we’ve spoken maybe 4 times. When I first came out to him, told him what was wrong, and that I had decided transitioning was right for me, his response was… get ready this is hilarious… “So what! Just ‘man up’ stay the way you are and suffer with it!” GOOB!!! I mean come on… Hey bro I’m trans, and his response is ‘man up’ ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF… Ummm, NO!!! LOL anyway I was really nervous about how the weekend would go and how things between us would work out. So when I arrived Friday night he was out by the pool… I set my bags down and walked out to see him, I was still in my business suit since my last meeting in L.A. didn’t conclude until 5:45 and I had to be at the airport immediately there after. Our folks stayed back, but within ears reach to give us some space, (again this is the first time we’ve seen one another in a couple years and whew have I changed) SO he gives me the once over, up and down and says “Huh, so this is it huh?” full of sarcasm and I think to myself well here comes a fight, but I just haven’t got the energy or desire for it. I just walked away, back into the house to unpack/hang-up some of my things put some toiletries out, curl up into a ball and disappear, whatever. All the while trying and failing to hold back the tears. He steps into the room and says “Wait, I’m sorry. It’s just that I was totally unprepared to see you” we talked for awhile and he even says “Seriously, wow you pull it off very well. You don’t look at all how I imagined you would.” Sad that everyone I’ve had to ‘come out’ to (family) have all had this same horrible misconception about what I’ll look like. At least until we meet face to face, or they see a pic, whatever. Seems like they must have all been thinking ‘whoa that’s gonna be one ugly girl’ or whatever. nuu-uhh. I digress. We talk and talk and all goes very well. My parents, my brother, my G-Ma all were wonderful that weekend, they all made an honest attempt at getting my name and pronouns correct and for the most part they did. Dad has the hardest time with it. Not that he’s being spiteful, I just think he’s resistant to it because he’s hanging tightly onto J----- (boy name) knows that once he goes for it, and gets it right he senses that will be the end of J--- (boy name) and I’ve got to just be as understanding and compassionate about that and what they perceive as their loss as I hope they will be to me. Mom and I discussed this and she said the most beautiful thing. She says now that she’s clearly only gained and really lost nothing since my transition. AWESOME of her she’s really doing well in relating and coming to terms with it. G-Ma is pretty much in the same place (though she was strongly opposed initially) she pulled me aside Sunday morning before going over to some other relatives and says, you know… you really are beautiful…. Then she gives me a great big smile, hugs, kisses and happy Mom’s Day. K I’m crying even now about that one.

Saturday afternoon my bro and I did some running around, last minute gift buying for Mom’s Day, and so on. Then we met up with my best friend for lunch, Mmmmm sushi… my favorite. So were sitting there laughing and chatting. He has both of us just laughing so hard we’re crying. My friend and I do get a bit of attention whenever we're out, and today was no different. As we’re getting ready to head out my bro gets up and I had to let him know to wait for a sec. and sure enough us wrapping it up was the queue some guy needed to pass along the inevitable phone number it was for her this time. LOL bro says how the heck did ya know that was coming… “oh we saw him writing it down about 15 minutes ago after asking the host for a pen…” He’s like darn ya all are always one step ahead of us aren’t ya. Once we were heading down the road bro mentions that he thinks one guy across the sushi bar noticed me and figured it out… LOL My friend says oh ya he was looking… But like a fat kid looking at chocolate cake… ROFLMAO ((when I first went full-time I was very self-conscious about being read and assumed that everyone that looked at me twice was pretty much reading me… Till one of my friends in ATL noted that ya he was looking at ya. But he wasn’t reading ya… He was looking at ya like a fat kid looking at cake… now that’s just funny!!! Ever since, we’ve all used that to lighten the tension regarding being read or just getting seriously checked out.)) Well I’m sure you can imagine the cringe and eye roll from bro as he was mentally figuring out what that ultimately meant.

We all went out to dinner Saturday night… Usually Dad is seriously against that… I think he’s worried about me. Not about being with me, but dealing, if I get read, he’d have a hard time not taking it personal and getting all PO’d. But we had a great evening, a few awkward moments as there were some pronoun/name slips but who cares, he was trying. Ya just work through it no biggie… By Saturday evening most everyone was doing very well with my name and pronouns… Believe it or not my bro and Mom were almost 100% successful… And G-ma was doing very well too. YEAH!!! we ended up playing spades the rest of the evening and had a blast all of us around the table, laughing and just happy to be spending time together. Bro had the arduous task of teaching us and keeping us within the rules of spades, since none of us were very familiar with it, so that was cool.

Sunday morning rolled around and Mom, G-Ma, and I are just lounging and in slow-mo. We passed out additional, Mom’s Day cards and gifts etc… And we’re just about to get off our duffs and get ready for brunch when we hear Dad and bro pull up with the boat (they had planned to go fishing Sun. morning) That was a little weird since we’d expected them to be gone until the afternoon but apparently they ran into issues with the motor on the boat… Bummer Well to make a long story short (too late) they missed J--- (boy name) cuz I was the driver and backer-uper, for some reason it came easy for me to do the whole reverse steering thing… Probably because I HAD to be the best (no pressure on myself) I had to do every “guy” thing better and better and better, lest anyone question my “guyness” LOL that was BS… (funny the garbage we put ourselves through)… Well it was funny being on the other side of that one for a change… Thank God.

So we got them all settled in and they’d decided to join Mom and I for brunch (G-ma was off to other relatives). We had a good time and afterwards Mom and I had them drop us off at the store as she needed to pickup some things. So we’re doing our shopping… and I thought I got read, My mom’s like, lol no way. Anyway we’re at the checkout now and the cashier says “Have a happy Mother’s Day ladies… If you’re Mom’s of course.” My Mom turns around and says “Yep we both are and Happy Mother’s Day back” OMGOSH!!!!! I was a weeee bit floored at that. I actually woke to about 5 Happy Mom’s Day wishes on my phone and Mom asked what was all the beeping so I showed her. I guess she decided that ya she’s a Mom… huh wow included in THAT group by Mom is a BIG DEAL for me…

We all had a great weekend, but it was bitter sweet for me, I was only hours away from having to hop yet another plane back home to ATL. It was difficult to say goodbye to those I’ve missed for so long, and the amazing new relationships we were forming with one another.

Happy Mother’s Day Ladies!!! (sorry it’s a week late)
~Julie

LOL You are NOT going to believe this.... :)

2008-05-02T07:30:00.003-07:00

So... I've been full-time for several months now and all has been beyond my wildest dreams. It's been amazing really!!! :)

Now once in a really great while I'd have to let my voice drift towards the old one. Rare but a certain relative would call and have all sorta issues so I'd drift for 'em. Not much just a tish...

Well I recv'd this email yesterday from a phone company my ex and I used years ago... Seems neither of us ever closed the account. I thought my ex did and my ex thought I did... Well all over the place they warn you you need to call in and give a physical voice confirmation and certain codes of authentication to close your account and you absolutely must be the account holder... Well guess who that was... Uh-huh... (Old Name), so I'm thinking I'm not going to get into all this with them (no need right) so I just call and talk like (Old Name) LOL the poor guy didn't believe me!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLMAO... I mean to tell you I got ma'am'd more the sir and he literally goes over the codes 2X cuz he figured I was lying... LOL Basically I didn't pass as MYSELF!!!! ROFLMAO or at least the old dude.

Ah life is good! What an awesome blessing it is to be alive. And to think there was a time when I couldn't have given 2 cents for it. SAD really huh...

Much Love Y'All!!!!!!!

~Julie

OMGOSH! It's Gonna Get Fun Now! or The Deposit Has Been Paid ! ! !

2008-04-13T20:33:00.002-07:00

YEAH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy ! ! ! :)

Well WOW... I'm still a little speechless (ya, ya, ya, it happens, zip-it).

I first started this entry with something about "Well that's step one! I've paid my deposit. blah blah blah..." and so on, you get the point. But when I stopped to think about it, so many things have gone on in my life this year. Gosh to look back and realize, this is really step 37 or something.

Ohhhhhh it's important alright but not MORE important than self acceptance (the best one of all),

Or coming out to family,

Or going fulltime at work,

Or standing up behind a row of men in orange jumpsuits chained together after they've been oogling me for about 4 hours in a courtroom when the judge calls "Mr. SO and SO" to the bench for my name change, LOL.... I thought the one poor guy broke his neck he spun it soooo fast when I said "present" from the row behind them.

Or when the judge says "I'm so sorry I didn't read further down..."

Or the clerk saying "Hang in their honey, he'll be done in one second" then the judge smiles and says "Their you go, all done. Have a great day, Ms. XXXXXXX!"

Or going to the bank to cash my Christmas Bonus AFTER my name change, driver's license change (ya turn in the old one btw) and the Bonus check being in the old name... The woman behind the counter says sure that's written on this bank, that should be no problem ma'am. Then.... She looks again and realizes that it's written to (old name) looks at me, explains that I can't since it's not made out to me, I slide the court order to her and my new DL she says... "Wow, you look great!" And Yes I DID open a new account with her a few weeks later... :)

Or the first time I used correct pronouns, name, voice, when I was on the phone with my Mom, and was proud to do it.

Or when she started to do that too!!!

Or the hugs and tears from my Mom and Dad as I left their home after Christmas Vacation, the first time they ever saw me.

Or when I emailed a pic of myself to my Mom because the rumor mill at work had moved up my timetable and I wanted and objective opinion, and her reply was "You're Beautiful..."

Or when my Mom asked what I chose for my middle name and I told her XXXXXX same as hers, and I hoped she wasn't upset. Her response was no actually I'm flattered.

Or the first time I was kissed.

Or told I have beautiful eyes.

So there it is. I've paid my deposit for SRS, stressed over my budget every day since. When I spoke with my surgeon's office, the receptionist said the next opening was April 2009. And that she'd call with an exact date in just a couple weeks. She then mentioned that I should ask to be added to the call for cancelations, and postponments list when I sent in my application. And that she had just recently called another patient from the list notifying her of an opening in only 2 weeks. So there it is... A day I was soooooo very very sure would never ever come, will be a reality sometime between (soonest my budget will allow) Aug. '08 and April '09.

I'm a bit emotional about it all.

Much Love Y'all!!!
~Julie

Flickr

2008-04-10T20:34:00.002-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

"Some of the things..." or "Sometimes ya gotta take the bad with the good."

2008-03-19T05:27:00.004-07:00

It's hard when people ya love just seem to abandon you. A lot of people's true colors came out when I finally did. Not all bad though, I've been blessed with the love of my Mom and Dad, and a few other family members.

Another amazing thing is WOW what ya learn about your friends, and others you interact with, once they "know". Who they really are, who your real friends are and who are not. For some you'll think, it's a given he or she will understand, or he or she will hate me. DON'T!!! YOU WILL BE SURPRISED!!! LOL Some of my friends I assumed would be ok weren't at all, and others I assumed would hate me, are today among some of my most supportive friends.

And yet another "side effect"... Soooooooooooooo many people feel like they just HAVE to share their deepest secrets, one person even came out to me. Many confuse sexuality with gender and before you can properly educate them on this, WHOOOOOAAAAAAA the stories ya hear, LOL... Most start like this "Oh ya!?!?! Hmmm, well I tried THIS or THAT once" Once I was talking to a counselor (completely unrelated to GID, an employment counselor) my first week full-time and by the time the conversation was over she came out...

AWESOME stuff. I think people feel like wow if she's doing it, maybe I can too. I also think it says a lot about the times we live in.

Ciao!!!!

~Julie