Beloved Leader

Did I Post This Before?

2009-07-10T16:29:00.000+09:00

My new blog cadre says not, but she looks familiar.

Long Time

2009-07-10T16:10:00.003+09:00

All right, people, I am a very busy man, what with accelerating the nuclear program and launching some old ballistic missiles to make the pants squishy in Washington. Here is a clip from the Songun Blog, which I am told on on my side bar. I can not see it from here, so take my word for it. They do good work there, I hear.

If only Obama Healthcare could be this good.

Look What I got in the Post

2009-07-09T16:00:00.000+09:00

Good thing there were air holes.

I had to send back three last month.

Korean Word of the Month

2009-04-05T12:22:00.002+09:00

Uju Sonsu - Cosmonaut

Yes, I know have not blogged for quite a while. I was too excited over this that I kept away from the Internets for quite a while -- of course, traveling to the Northeast, that sort of goes without saying. "Can you hear me now?" No, comrade! "Can you hear me now?" *BANG!* You are pissing me off, Comrade!

Anyway, the vehicle made its lift-up and delivered its payload, an astronaut analog, pleasantly downrange. By "analog," I mean the asshole who sank half my foreign capital into Polaroid stocks before they went bust, then had the unwise filial piety to come back to Japan to visit his mother. A bullet was too good for that pyongshin! I treasure the recordings of his screams as he was careening toward the heavens, then the change in pitch when he realized he wasn't going to get a nice relaxing death from suffocation.

His mother and I had something going on, once upon a time. I will have to send her something nice. Have you ideas?

Korean Word of the Month

2009-01-30T09:30:00.003+09:00

Aggim Omnun Sarang - A Love with No Holding Back. Sounds romantic, but I cannot afford that. I must leave a little something-something for the girls on the night shift, no?

I Miss Those Days

2009-01-30T09:22:00.002+09:00

Blog Awards?

2009-01-30T08:59:00.002+09:00

What is a Blog Award? Reader Roboseyo informed me to his Korea Sparkle, where somehow I am in the Funniest Blog list. He thinks I am FUNNY? Is that mirth-inducing HOHO FUNNY? Slip-on-the-ice HEHE FUNNY? Or Funny like that Colonel in the 55th Regiment they caught wearing the black rubber underwear?

I am listed above these blogs:

Chubbo Chubbington
Dokdo Is Ours
Eat Your Kimchi
George Goes Korean
I Got 2 Shoes
Stuff Korean Moms Like
A White Man In Korea

but do not assume the fix is on it. Once we locate a new blogroll cadre, I must have them add these presumably entertaining blogs. That is, unless they are rubber-underwear-funny.

What is that?

2008-11-21T07:55:00.001+09:00

A radio?

Is she trying to sell me something?

Korean Word of the Month

2008-11-21T07:40:00.003+09:00

Kohyorap - High blood pressure.

I got checked up this week.

I am a finely tuned, highly strung instrument of rulership.

You know, like a kayagum. That is like a banjo.

What game is this?

2008-11-21T07:28:00.003+09:00

Marshal Kang plays something like, but I can not get it into such games.

I like Leisure Suit Larry.

Those Hawaiians get Around

2008-10-08T01:59:00.000+09:00

Annyong, Bitches!

2008-10-05T03:21:00.002+09:00

What? You thought I was dead?

Oh, come now. It will more than a few grams of rat poison to take down the Beloved Leader! Thank O Jin-u's ghost that they could not get their mitts on some of that radioactive stuff from the Russians! I have maintained a low profile mainly to give my rash time to clear up. No, Clearasil did not work.

Way to SUCK, Hugo!

2008-08-26T07:27:00.002+09:00

Pardon my talking the trash, but I can not let my good Socialist Comrade Hugo Chavez live this one down. His team brought a mere bronze medal home -- and this in Taekwondo, where two bronzes award. What is the matter, Hugo, all your athletes are playing baseball in America? And do not give me shit about our medal count. I cannot tell you how many southern puppet-state athletes are really plants from the North. Well, I could tell you then I would have you killed. So what is the point?

The point is I have more gold in my stool than adorns the necks of Venezuelans!

Mmmm... Goldschlager.

2008-08-26T07:05:00.000+09:00

Overall, Good Haul

2008-08-26T06:48:00.003+09:00

Yes, the medals are nice. But the important thing was getting the athletes back! Good work, fellows!

I have your special noodle, Comrade

2008-08-25T08:06:00.000+09:00

If this sells well in western diet stores, screw the masses, that is valuable foreign currency!

So Funny, Reuters

2008-08-09T22:42:00.003+09:00

I forget to laugh.

This moron Basler is ripping off out of my blog archives and probably gets paid for it.

Does not this clown know nervous laughter when he sees? Some days when I am bored, I string together a monologue off-the-cuff with some random subjects like wicker baskets, years-end production quota, pig manure, and political cadre. The most coherent of these get written up as "On-the-Spot Guidance," while the others are attributed to "Beloved Leader's Humor."

See they all have pen and paper?

When the Guidance is as convoluted as if Dennis Miller were writing for The Family Guy, I tend to crack up myself, and let the boys in on the joke.

Dennis Miller and Family Guy are American popular culture icons I have a research team explain to me.

See You in Beijing!

2008-08-09T08:40:00.000+09:00

Chink Grabass

2008-08-07T05:55:00.000+09:00

I Feel So Dirty Some Times

2008-08-04T05:49:00.002+09:00

But I get over it.

The Bodyguards

2008-07-08T03:30:00.003+09:00

The hair is back to normal this month.

Speaking of month, next week I plan to lock myself in my room. Yes, they are synched.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

2008-07-07T14:58:00.004+09:00

What can I tell you about my summer vacation last month? I almost got killed, but a good time was had by all, so the saying goes. I was kicking back and chilling at my remote villa on Mount Paekdu, reflecting on the day to commemorate the 1950 invasion of aggression launched by the imperialist Americans and their southern lapdog puppets. I was reflecting with a bottle of Gaston de Casteljac cognac, three Indonesian gymnasts, and a cassette of bootlegged (is that right?) Barry Manilow concerts.

My reverie was interrupted by a panicked phone call from the villa defense command post. Several sentries has failed to check in on time and three security cameras had gone out. What to expect from cheap webcams I can not say, but the trick chief was quiet exercised about it. Results turned out he was right, but tell his widow that. Airborne assault? Assassins? An raid of elite SEAL commandos? Seems it was one "G.I" determined to make his most recent turn to occupy south Korea his last. The after action report declares this barbarian killed an entire platoon of light infantry with his bare hands one at a time and dispatched four watch tower sentries with thrown playing cards. I was incredulous at that last, but they say MythBusters proved that one. This lone juggernaut was halted only by my female Bodyguard Bureau, who had all dyed their hair red this month (Special Red Star Order 6.15 Number 13467). Seems he has a thing for Asian Redheaded Girls... at least that was his story under interrogation.

No' torture or pentathol required... I resolved to question this killing machine myself; I could learn a thing or two of the art and science from the intruder who was by now pinned to my shag carpeting by a squad of hard-bodied (B-cup minimum, however) unfreckled Korean Ginger Girls dressed in skimpy white Wilma Deeringesque costumes. (Do not ask me why... I prefer them in the Amazon moon maiden outfits, but they do not always ask me.

I did not expect to break him so easily, but I fancy myself a persuasive intelligence; plus I noted his eyes shifted between my bodyguard and the beer cooler beneath the giant picture of my Departed Daddy. After a short dozen droughts of assorted barley pop from the furthest reaches of the world, he began pouring out his life's story. I offered the finest of Korean cuisine, but he insisted on a burger from my gourmet chef. I must admit to have met a fine character. It would have been a shame to "terminate" or imprison him. He made it a moot point -- after regaling me with an incredulous tale to match the interestingly titled batch of Kiltlifter Scottish ale we tried great frothy mugsful at a time (this man really should blog!) , he kicked my prized lava lamp into the fireplace, creating a flash fire and pall of smoke. My bodyguard must have shamefully been grooving on or pacified by this beast, because they were slow to shield me with their bodies... and completely missed this character acrobatically cartwheeling through the open window with a prized bottle of VSOP in one hand and a rapidly emptying Skorpion machine-pistol in the other. Shit. My anal sphincter inhaled a swatch of rich Corinthian leather from my couch before it was all over. I am too old for this.

If this character shows up anywhere in south Korea again, I am farging nuking the place, so help me Daddy.

Obama!

2008-06-26T21:23:00.006+09:00

At last, an American president I can deal with! World Socialism has finally fought through to the White House in the form of a blackish Arab man who really gets the crowds excited. I have not seen such adoring fervor from a propaganda arm since Father was alive -- not that I am bitter about that. I am more laid back than the Kim Supreme. And more laid if I may say so modestly. All the gushing from KCNA does not move me.

Oh, where was I? Barack Hussein Obama. What a cipher. My Overseas Bureau Research Section has dug up next to nothing on his government record. I had the Director thrown in chains. (Maybe he can find coal better than find political intelligence nuggets.)

Sure, a secret land deal here, association with revolutionaries there. Bah! He probably was not even born in America. What a breath of fresh air! The masses will carry him to power and, at last, a brother socialist can deal with me as a near equal (he is not Korean, after all). I hope I can meet him before he summits with Ahmadinajad... a tongue bath is not so enjoyable when you know where the tongue has been!

One thing puzzles me about all the Obama Guevera imagery... who the hell has this man killed? Sure, there is a trail dead bodies behind the Clinton duo, but who has this mystery man rubbed out? You can not have a revolution without breaking a few heads. Perhaps the blood will flow after he takes over the Oval Office. The masses must see his potential; can see the severed heads of capitalist robber barons adorning the White House fence. That would be an awesome time for my first State Visit to Washington.

This one I do not understand.

LOL

2008-06-26T21:21:00.001+09:00

Better?

2008-06-23T23:53:00.003+09:00